Saturday 20 April 2024

My Mind Spray 14.5

Top 5 Rap interview lie of all time: Cage claiming he accidentally bit a prostitute's clitoris off via HHC magazine in the late 90s. All the more impressive given that late 90s Cage looked the sorta fella who thought a clitoris was some bloke who played for the Brazilian football team at the 1994 World Cup (hold ya head, Roberto Baggio.)

I hate when someone on eBay is selling a CD I want but they've taken a photo of the disc data side down on their mucky arse carpet. Who raised these melon-farming savages? I'd rather pay more and buy the CD from another seller than risk the CD turning up covered in dust and cat hair.

Let's piss off the purists: as far as 2024 old man-Rap goes, Brotha Lynch Hung's new single is vastly superior to Nas & DJ Premier's new single. Hung's single is a sleek evolution of his vintage sound, while the Nas & Primo song is so stodgy it's audio high cholesterol.

Rap beefs nowadays are just #content for Joe Budden, DJ Vlad, Akademiks, Adam22 and other such terrible gossip-mongering nonces to yap about. Still, if it stops Budden from actually releasing his Godawful music then long may his shitty podcast continue to flourish. How was it even possible to ruin the Pump It Up beat? Let some zombie-voiced wifebeater rhyme ONNNNNNN it, that's how.

Tuesday 16 April 2024

Late pass!

G. Dep - Dollar Bill
(From DJ Ashknuckles' The Underground Railroad Part 1 mixtape; 1998)

Discovered via Instagram, a kinda proto-wavy pre-Bad Boy G. Dep deep cut. Apparently Black Rob was a big fan of this track and it lead to their link-up. One of those boutique reissue labels needs to drop a CD EP of all Dep's pre-Bad Boy jams; alas boutique reissue labels with good taste don't grow on trees like palm leaves. So, for now, you can catch this song where it currently makes the most sense - in my G. Dep deep cuts playlist, natch.

Thursday 11 April 2024

One very much 4 the Britz: grandads, we love you

Nine & Dex - Pecan Pie
(From Pecan Pie single; 2024)

Oh ok, so these are the two lads who ghostwrite and produce for the Road-Rap pensioners Pete & Bas (apparently they're their grandads.) Since the faces been revealed, game got real indeed: mans go back-and-forth like Neville & Carragher. Much like Giggs' Monsta Man, this is that old robotic futuristic Jet Set Willy crazy shit. 90% of British Rap is only good when it embraces the fact that it is, essentially, novelty music. LD and Youngs Teflon could never!

Pete & Bas - Mr Worldwide
(From Mr Worldwide single; 2023)

Monday 8 April 2024

Generic list post: New York's alright...

Party Sparty whipped up a list of his favourite songs recorded for movies set in Noo Yawk. Great topic, lemme rock it: 20 Martorialist faves from N.Y.C movies/movie soundtracks which aren't on the Spartorialist's list. Very annoying that so many of the best soundtrack-exclusive Rap songs of the 90s were for movies based in California, but I guess that's the universe course-correcting New York bias or sumfink.

Krzysztof Komeda - Dream (1968)
Edwin Starr - Easin' In (1973)
Badder Than Evil - Hot Wheels (The Chase) (1973)
Curtis Mayfield - Do Do Wap Is Strong In Here (1977)
Keith Emerson - The Chase (1981)
John Lurie - The Lamposts Are Mine (1984)
Melle Mel & The Furious Five - Beat Street Breakdown (1984)
Arthur Baker - Breaker's Revenge (1984)
Madonna - Into The Groove (1985)
Beastie Boys - Desperado (1988)
Grand Puba - Fat Rat (1991)
Biggie Smalls - Party & Bullshit (1993)
Crooklyn Dodgers '95 - Return Of The Crooklyn Dodgers (1995)
Mobb Deep ft. Big Noyd & Rakim - Hoodlum (1997)
Vincent Gallo ft. Uncredited - Lonely Boy (1998)
Clint Mansell - Summer Overture (2000)
Harry Gregson-Williams - First Call (2002)
50 Cent ft. Young Buck - I'll Whip Ya Head Boy (2005)
Tony Yayo - Fake Love (2005)
Julian DeMarre & Heiko Male - Moe At Work (2019)

Related: if you've ever wanted a wordless animated bromance between a dog & a robot set in 1980s New York which features a breakdancing scene set to T La Rock's Breakdown then Robot Dreams is the movie 4 u. Best bittersweet buddy comedy flick since Brian & Charles, and the freedom of animation means they've been able to recreate 80s New York in a way no live action movie ever could. My fave movie of 2024 so far.

Friday 5 April 2024

Born To Audiomack: G. Dep deep cuts

G. Dep - G. Deep Cuts
1. How (1995)
2. Blak N*gga (1996)
3. Automatic (1996)
4. Head Over Wheels (1996)
5. Blow More Spots (1996)
6. Dollar Bill (1998)
7. Everyday remix (ft. Faith Evans) (2001)
8. Gametime (2009)

Throw ya hands in the freakin' air and keep 'em there, G. Dep just got outta the box that's square. Celebrate the Deputy's release from prison with this playlist of G. Deep Cuts where he makes the gutter sound butta. Truthfully, this used to be my best of G. Dep playlist from 2015, but all the songs from his Bad Boy Records album have long since been DMCA-ed into oblivion and these seven songs are what's left. Regardless, this is still a playlist so hot it'll make you scream like you struck gold, that's cold.

**EDIT** added Dollar Bill which I've just discovered.

Sunday 31 March 2024

Generic list post: March 2024

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when the "Madvillainy is #actually MF DOOM's masterpiece" brigade were out in full force again. I like Madvillainy, but never in a month of Black Sundays is it on a par with Operation Doomsday let alone better than it. Youse lot are some literal wrong 'uns.

Warren G - Dope Beat (1999)
Saigon - Favorite Thingz (extended) (2006)
Daya1k ft. Kiki Tha Prize - Good (2024)
Sexyy Red - Get It Sexyy (2024)
Level ft. Mouse On Tha Track - To Da Beat (2024)
AyooLii - Dumpin' Out A Zip (2024)
Rogue Unit - Good To U (Rogue Unit mix) (1995)

Bonus beats: sung the praises of T.C.K by Y@k Ballz and included it in this little playlist of legit jams by tragically unhip New York rappers. Put together a top 5 Level & Mouse On Tha Track singles playlist too.

Bonus bloggin': I'm gonna blatantly bite take a page outta Party Sparty's blog and use these monthly wrap-up posts to keep track of the best movies and TV shows I've been watching.

Movies I watched and liked:
Sherlock Holmes: Terror By Night (1933)
Offerings (1989)
Late Night With The Devil (2024)
Immaculate (2024)
Robot Dreams (2024)

TV shows I watched and liked:
Prisoner: Cell Block H (episodes 45 to 68) (1980)
Neighbours (new episodes) (2024)
Wanted (series 3) (2018)
Mandy (series 3) (2024)
How To With John Wilson (series 3) (2023)
Match Of The Day 1 and 2 (new episodes) (2024)

The worst TV show I saw this month (and possibly all year) was Michael Owen & Howard Webb's Sky Sports show, which was on in the pub a couple of weeks back when there was no football on TV that night. The two most charmless men in sports broadcasting, a field which also contains such titanic c**ts as Garth Crooks, Glenn Hoddle and Mark Goldbridge. Never have I more wanted Vladimir Putin to launch a drone attack on a TV studio.

Monday 25 March 2024

Born To Audiomack: The Tragically Unhip

Tragically Unhip New Yorkers
1. Homeboy Sandman ft. J-Live & Kurious - Enough (2014)
2. Maino - Rumors (2005)
3. Blaq Poet - Bang Dis! (2005)
4. Y@k Ballz - T.C.K (2001)
5. Necro - Rugged Shit (1999)
6. Consequence - Alphabet Boys (2010)
7. Uncle Murda - Anybody Can Get It (2008)
8. Sen City - Cloud Surfin' (2014)

Continuing my one man quest to get Y@k Ballz's T.C.K and Maino's Rumors recognised & realised as 5 Star General classics, here's a playlist of eight legit choonz by New York rappers who are deemed tragically unhip. You ain't gonna score no cool points with any of these songs, but I swear you'll have more fun listening to this playlist than you'll have listening to the latest factory-farmed Alchemist EP with one of Earl Sweatshirt's trendy m8s ;)

Saturday 23 March 2024

Things To Do In Denver When You're Daya

"Yeah, my tank on E and my phone on 3
Drive slow, bitch, I got this pack on me
Got your n*gga droppin' all these racks on me
And I'll make your n*gga spend his rent stack on me"

Daya1k ft. Kiki Tha Prize - Good
(From YouTube; 2024)

Denver got slaps too, huh? Shit talk real big, hook real big, beat real regionally ambiguous, Daya1k's outfit real cosy. There's summat so incredibly sexy about a lass in a sweatsuit and a beanie.

Wednesday 20 March 2024

My Mind Spray 14

None of Duke Deuce's singles from the past twelve months have quite hit for me, and I'm gonna attribute this to him developing a penchant for Doc Marten boots. When rappers start dressing like crusty punx, a part of their musical mojo vanishes forever.

More than any other genre, Rap songs are messages in bottles from the eras they were created, and the details wot date them are a strength not a weakness.

A.I is a wasted technology until somebody uses it to create a 1980s-set video for Ice-T's Soul On Ice. Best closing song on an 80s Rap album IMHO.

No spoilerz, but that new horror movie Late Night With The Devil really missed a trick by not using Andre Nickatina's Conversation With A Devil as its end credits music.

Speaking of movies, here's a rare picture of the Scottish darts player Peter Wright visiting the set of Ghostbusters II in 1989. Left to right: Ernie Hudson, Peter Wright, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray and Harold Ramis.

Saturday 16 March 2024

Warren 3

"Unbelievable how time just flies
Right before your eyes, but you don't recognize"

Warren G - Do You See
(From Regulate... G Funk Era album; 1994)

It's 1994, teenage Marty has just copped Warren G's debut album, and Regulate + Do You See are such a killer opening combination that I spend a couple of days constantly rewinding both songs and don't even listen to the rest of the album until the third day. Actual factz, shit really went down like that. Do You See went on to be the album's third single, and it's such a lush Slick Rick-ified slice of G-Funk with a streak of sad boi sentimentality at its core that it's now my favourite single from the album - no mean feat when the two preceeding singles were Regulate and This D.J.. Come to think of it, The Chronic's third single Let Me Ride is top billin' for me too. Maybe three was the magic number for Warren and his stepbrother Dr. Dre?

Three Warren G bonus thoughts:

* I've never heard Warren's third album. Stay tuned for the n-x-e-t episode when I check it out.

* Warren's remix of Slick Rick's Behind Bars has gotta be a top 3 remix which made the original version completely irrelevant.

* Warren & Nate Dogg's 2015 single My House remains a great example of L.A "you 43 and you still rappin'?"-core.

Thursday 14 March 2024

Berserker back!

AyooLii - Dumpin' Out A Zip
(From Dumpin' Out A Zip single; 2024)

I just had an epiphany and realised that the AyooLii songs I fuxwit are kinda like Milwaukeee's equivalent of peak 70th Street Carlos. The boi Carlos made Berserker-Bounce, while AyooLii makes Berserker-Bass. This particular song is Certified Fatter's first keeper since On My Daddy IMHO. No shotz @ AyooLii's backyard, but he is not a horticulturist of the Mouse On Tha Track caliber.

Completely unrelated: I had a dream where Jim Jones remade Kim Gordon's slam poetry fake-Trap song. Don't ask me why my dreams are concocting Jim & Kim fusions because I haven't listened to any Jones in months and I dislike the Gordon song. But in the unlikely event that Jim & Kim ever do collaborate then here's the perfect song title for them: My Friend Goonies.

Monday 11 March 2024

Breihan's Got A Baby (Part 2)

Y@k Ballz - T.C.K
(From demo tape; 1999/Mondee's Where My Dogs At? compilation CD-R; 2001)

Top three Rap songs I've finally found CDQ versions of in recent years: Heavy Rain by The Jacka, Do The Crew by Jay Tee & Mac Dre, and T.C.K by Y@k Ballz. The latter is some super duty Transylvanian-toothed indie-Rap which doubles as a tribute to Y@k's graffiti crew True City Killahz. A cult-classic from Bobbito & Lord Sear's C.M Famalam radio show, it's Y@k's second best song after HomePiss innit. And so kiddies, the story goes that Bobbito decided T.C.K wouldn't be included on Y@k's debut EP on Fondle Em Records due to the rogue n-bomb he dropped. Seems plausible because you definitely shouldn't be dropping n-bombs on wax if you're a half Persian white lad who looks like a lesbian modelling for Zoo York (before commie-caps became the backpacker's hat of choice, there were peaked-beanies.) I'm always sure like the coral reef that T.C.K and Flossin' woulda sounded perfect back-to-back on side B of that first Y@k Ballz EP.

My own 1990s graffiti crew weren't so much True City Killahz as Toy Town Goonies. Here's an ELS dub ya boi painted in a hospital carpark's subway back in 1998 as homage to my Grandma Elsie. This shit woulda looked more James Flames if I'd used Montana spray-paint and a fat cap nozzle, but it was done with watery British spray-paint stolen from the auto shop in Kwik Save. Picture me spendin' money on posh spray paint and fancy nozzles when there were Screwball 12"s and Devin The Dude CDs to buy.
Mind you, I used to gladly spend money on graffiti magazines back when Tower Records was the muhf**kin' spot in Birmingham. Graphotism Magazine was my fave periodical, but the only shit I ever ordered from their store was Kool Keith's Sex Style cassette and a handful of early Kid Capri mixtapes. Call me Nat Robinson because my first priority was always music. Yo, I just dropped a jewel on 'em, my man Dave told me to go Puba Maxwell on 'em.

Thursday 7 March 2024

Levelling Up

Level ft. Mouse On Tha Track - To Da Beat
(From Unsupervised 2 album; 2024)

How you Lev that? A couple of Martorialist readers have recommended me Level & Mouse's latest track. Took me a while to warm to it but now I'm all over this shit like an Our Legacy shirt on a skinny bloke's body (f**k that brand and their boxy fitting clobber!) It sounds like a new Level & Mouse single should sound like without sounding like any of the previous Level & Mouse singles. But don't take my word for it, here's proof via a Level & Mouse Quinary Of Quality™ playlist. Music to dance the pain away the Baton Rouge way.

Level & Mouse On Tha Track top 5 singles
1. Get It Back (2013)
2. I Bet U Won't (2015)
3. #DFWT remix (ft. Boosie) (2018)
4. I Don't Miss (2022)
5. MC Hammer (2014)

Monday 4 March 2024

Good Morning, Vietnam

Saigon - Favorite Thingz (extended)
(From bonus track on Welcome To Saigon mixtape; 2006)

Sum shit I found out during my recent reacquaintance with Saigon's 2001 to 2007 catalogue: there's an extended version of Favorite Thingz with a second verse and no bellowing by Kay Slay & Whoo Kid. A legitimate mixtape/street DVD classic from an era that's now a literal lifetime ago. I might mock Saigon for his delusions of graNYdeur, but that lad knew how to write a song with a chorus which is bulletproof like Batfink's wings. He was no Max B, but he was no Maino either.

Noo Yawkers, plz forgive me for taking Maino's name in vain. I'm allowed to talk shit because I'm Earth's biggest fan of Rumors and Role Model.

Thursday 29 February 2024

Generic list post: February 2024

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Vince Staples' TV show sounds even less appealing to me than Vince Staples' music. One of the most shameless trend-hoppers of the past decade who somehow gets a pass because ppl think he's funny on Twitter. A true One Song Wonder, Staples is just a Tumblr-Rap Tyga for dry-tasted randos who only listen to Album Orientated Artistes™.

Big Moe ft. Mike Wilson - Leave Drank Alone (2003)
Saigon - Stocking Cap (video) (2004/2024)
Homeboy Sandman - $ (video) (2022/2024)
AyooLii ft. Myaap - On My Daddy (2023)
Ezale - Do It All Night (2024)
Mac God Dbo - A Whole Brick (2024)
Haircut 100 - Nobody's Fool (1982)
Sharon Forrester - Love Inside (1994)

Other notables: got nostalgic for 1990 by reminiscing over Pete Rock & CL Smooth and Faith No More; Johnboxxx dropped a post about his fave party breaks choonz; Party Sparty dropped a list of his fave Riz Ortolani movie scores.

Tuesday 27 February 2024

Moe B

Big Moe ft. Mike Wilson - Leave Drank Alone
(From Moe World album; 2003)

Is Leave Drank Alone Rap's most uplifting and wholesome song about addiction? Rest In peace Big Moe, I wish you hadn't filled your albums with verses from your m8s because them songs where you went sing-sang for self are a missing link between Nate Dogg and Max B. In fact, Just A Dog (Club) is a key song in the proto-Wavy canon innit?

Big Moe - Just A Dog (Club)
(From Moe World album; 2003)

Saturday 24 February 2024

Mobby-Dick (part 3)

"I can't listen to the law, I'm disobedient
'Cause shakin' 5.0 gettin' tedious
I'm a pro, bitch, this ain't intermediate
'Cause MDMA was the ingredient"

Ezale - Do It All Night
(From Do It All Night single; 2024)

We talked Ezale's new single when the visualiser clip dropped, but that shit is gettin' another post because the Pot Pot of The Pillionaire's Boys Club's songs always pop hardest with proper videos. We got son lookin' wired, we got wenches lookin' sultry, and we got posters of The Mack and the 2Pac, E-40 & Boots Riley picture on the walls. For the life of me tho, I can't work out which James Belushi flick is playing on the TV? Movie guys, pick up the slap-phone and dial M for Martorialist.

Eleven years on, somebody needs to convince Ezale to record a 5 Minutes Of Funktown sequel. Crazy visionz, BOOM: these are the 5 beats it'd jack:

Whodini - Magic's Wand (1982)
Vicky D - This Beat Is Mine (1981)
Dru Down - Pimp Of The Year (1993)
Ago - Stop Your Life (1982)
Digital Underground ft. 2Pac - Same Song (1991)

Fun fact: when you search for Ago's Stop Your Life on YouTube it takes you to a special suicide prevention page. Here at The Martorialist we say DON'T DO IT like Big Fun.

Wednesday 21 February 2024

Smack That

Saigon - Come Again
(From Warning Shots mixtape; 2004/Smack DVD vol. 6; 2005)

Saigon recently shooting a video for his 2004 mixtape classic Stocking Cap has got me listening to his old shit like it's new again. Come Again was a personal favourite back then but I never knew there was a Smack DVD video for it with Tru Life playing Puffy and hogging up the entire frame. For better or worse, Smack DVD was a key pioneer of no budget Rap videos featuring goonz waving guns at the camera. Another personal favourite-turnt-actual classic old Saigon song which got blessed with a Smack DVD video was The Letter P featuring Kool G. Rap. Most pre-eminent usage of the alphabet's 16th letter since 2Pac's If I Die 2nite or wot? Very legendary street DVD era Rap moment where G. Rap rolls the Range Rover's window down to reveal his mug.

Saigon ft. Kool G. Rap - The Letter P
(From Abandoned Nation mixtape; 2005/Smack DVD vol. 10; 2006)

Sum shit that's vanished from the internet: Tru Life's Jim Jones dis freestyle where he said "summer in Miami, hidin' from Gangster Lou/tight shirts with the motorcycle jeans, that ain't what gangsters do!"

Monday 19 February 2024

100 grand on my Haircut, yeah life sux

Haircut 100 - Nobody's Fool
(From Nobody's Fool single; 1982)

The old saying goes that you should Save Your Best For Last™ and that's exactly what Haircut 100 did with their O.G line-up's final single. An ode to lost love with a bassline str8 outta the Bernard Edwards songbook, Nobody's Fool is a key choon in the canon of 1980s British prawn cocktail-pop, the sub-genre which blessed us with such classics as The Bitterest Pill by The Jam, Save It For Later by The Beat, Tunnel Of Love by Fun Boy Three, Careless Whisper by George Michael and too many Style Council singles to hyperlink. Keep your eyes peeled for a soon-to-be famous blonde bird as the video's love interest.

Dry-eared randos dismiss Haircut 100 as some naff cracka shit because they're blind to the factz, baby: Haircut 100's drummer was a black bloke who hailed from Memphis and whose brother was a member of The Bar-Kays, and their debut single Favourite Shirts (Boy Meets World) is the first British pop single to feature a rapped bridge. More importantly, Haircut 100 scored themselves a Larry Levan fave at N.Y.C's Paradise Garage with Ski Club Of Great Britain. The best 1972 Kool & The Gang song not recorded by 1972 Kool & The Gang or wot?

Haircut 100 - Ski Club Of Great Britain
(From B-side of Fantastic Day single; 1982)

Best Haircut 100 album track? I'm a Lemon Firebrigade man, meself.

Friday 16 February 2024

Get In Where You Fit In

Saigon - Stocking Cap
(From Warning Shots mixtape; 2004/YouTube; 2024)

A pleasant surprise, like seeing shaved p*ssy in front of ya eyes: Saigon releasing a 20th anniversary video for one of the highlights of his Warning Shots mixtape. It's a pity Saigon developed a misguided "I AM NEW YORK'S SAVIOUR" martyr complex because he was a good rapper who misunderstood his position in the game: my man thought he was the rebirth of Nas for the Roc-A-Fella era when he was #actually the reboot of Intelligent Hoodlum for the 50 Cent era. Apparently he's gonna drop videos for a few of his early choonz, which means I might finally get the Diduntdidunt video I've been craving for the past 21 years.

Cool to see some Vaughn Bodē character graffiti in a 2024 Rap video. If you did graffiti at some point between 1989 and 1999 then you & your crew definitely painted a Bodē character once or twice.

Wednesday 14 February 2024

Mobby-Dick (part 2)

"I'm percin', swervin', da rollas is lurkin'
They find the drugs on me then fa sho it's curtains
I'm poppin', choppin', don't plan on stoppin'
Tryna see if her patnas is down with this mobbin'"

Ezale - Do It All Night
(From Do It All Night single; 2024)

You KNOW ya host Captain ACAB has been in pursuit of this killa whale of a song. In fact, you could say that these Ezale comeback singles are the Martorialist equivalent of "Event Rap". Do It All Night is a refreak of a Click classique which Ezale has had his wicked way with in the Drug Funnie stylee. It's inevitable he'll drop a deuce at some point, but, for now, all 4 of Ezale's comeback singles are thee shit: Raised Like This, Ironic, Hotel Motel and this one. A mere visualiser, this clip is still far more creative and watchable than yer average modern day Rap video innit?

Tuesday 13 February 2024

They Reminisce Over YO!

Pete Rock & CL Smooth - The Creator
(From All Souled Out EP; 1991)

First time ya boi ever heard Pete Rock & CL Smooth was when I caught The Creator video on YO! MTV Raps in 1991. It hit all my same pleasure-zones as Chubb Rock's Treat 'Em Right and Digital Underground & 2Pac's Same Song, and proved certain high school m8s wrong who now thought Rave singles like Altern 8's Activ 8 (Come With Me) were the most fun you could find in music. Imagine my surprise when I picked up a copy of Pete & CL's All Souled Out EP a month or later only to find out that CL Smooth was the rapper & Pete Rock was the producer/DJ who had one solo track on their EP. And why wouldn't Young Marty be surprised? I had no idea Pete was a New York radio DJ, and The Creator video presented Pete upfront as the rapper and CL playing the background as the DJ (CL even performed the scratch-solo in the video!) Picture me okie-doked like those folks who thought Grandmaster Flash was the main rapper in The Furious Five.

Listening to the Pete Rock songs Grand Puba wrote like The Creator and the Pete Rock productions Grand Puba guested on like Don't Curse and Skinz, the same question always ricochets and reverberates around my brain: why did Puba not bag himself some Pete Rock beats for his Reel To Reel album? The answer was Puba's combination of arrogance and stinginess: according to Dante Ross, Puba wanted to do it himself, as cheaply as possible. Oh well, at least we got Pete's song-saving remix of Puba's Issues a decade later in 2002.

Did fellow Gen X old headz also used to record songs off YO! MTV Raps from VHS onto cassette tape? There wasn't a national Rap radio show in Britain until Westwood moved to the BBC in 1994 so the only Rap I could tape off the radio were the big top 40 hits. Nor could ya boi afford to splosh out on two song imported 12" singles because I was still in high school and EPs + albums were far better value for my pocket money. Shit was far from ideal but how else was I gonna jam Dre & Snoop's Deep Cover and Ultramagnetic's Poppa Large remix on my walkman or boombox? An echoey VHS-to-cassette recording of the video mix of Check It Out by Puba & Mary was the early 1990s equivalent of a tinny 128 kbps MP3 ripped from Soundcloud.

Saturday 10 February 2024

God blessed

"This the next to connect, bitch, you gotta understand
I'm the real Mac God I can never be ya man
Choose your words wisely or you can catch a backhand"

Mac God Dbo - A Whole Brick
(From A Whole Brick single; 2024)

Rando slap tremendo courtesy of an affiliate of MacBlast and Philthy Rich. Town biznezz with enough womp womp to make ya baby mum's Honda sound like a cosmic car, and a flow which sounds like constipated Turf Talk. Thankfully misleading title because this song has nowt to do with nose candy or kitchen stoves. Result: it's ah slumper.

PS: pour out a little Pilsner for Can's Damo Suzuki. I wonder if Heaven got a Soho where Damo and Burt Kwouk can recreate the Mother Sky scene from Deep End?

Thursday 8 February 2024

Pump Up The Effort

"Ain't never leechin' off a n*gga, that's a fact
I ain't tryna argue witcha, Ima pop up where you at"

Gwala - Say Please
(From YouTube; 2024)

Here's an example of an aiiight song which could have been an anthem with a bit more effort. Ol' girl nearly caught the holy ghost of Jimmy Wopo's Elm Street, but couldn't be arsed coming up with a chorus and ended up with a Walkin' Bomb Part 2-lite instead. That's one of the biggest problems with Rap music nowadays - folks don't even try to make capital A-side Anthems. I want blood, sweat and tears put into song-craft. I want brains, ectoplasm and cum spilled all into anthem-making. Harrylujah!

Speaking of Jimmy Wopo, I've come to luh Elm Street 2 as much as the original. Granted, it took me a while to appreciate part 2 as its own entity, but it's become a Martorialist canon choon. Now THAT'S a capital A-side Anthem where its creator put his entire mind, body, soul and bad jujuplasm into the song and video. Wopolujah!

Monday 5 February 2024

No More Talk

Faith No More - From Out Of Nowhere
(From Top Of The Pops TV show; 1990)

Here's Faith No More actin' the collective fool miming their way through From Out Of Nowhere on British TV; peep 1:24 for some prime Mike Patton pisstaking. This was the only time FNM (semi) performed From Out Of Nowhere on television, which is kinda surprising even though the band were Bigger In Britain™ than they were in America. In fact, FNM's The Real Thing LP is culturally significant in Britain as the missing link between Guns N' Roses' Appetite For Destruction and Nirvana's Nevermind in the pantheon of U.S Rock albums which were popular amongst most of the U.K's yoof tribes. Me & my m8s or the mosher-posse could jam the album's opening trifecta of From Out Of Nowhere, Epic and Falling To Pieces in our high school common-room in 1990 and the only people who'd complain were the birds who solely listened to teeny-bopper boybands and the Jehovah's Witness lad who snitched to the teachers whenever we'd play Ice-T or N.W.A.

Turns out Faith No More were also Bigger Down Under™ than they were in America, with The Real Thing going platinum in Australia, and Epic hitting the number one and two spots on the Australian and New Zealand singles charts. That, however, isn't remotely surprising: of course FNM were huge in the two countries where Bermuda shorts, sleeveless t-shirrs and under-shaves were thee height of fashion. Roddy Bottom even sounds like the name of a bloke who played in the 1990 Australian cricket team.

Bonus beats: FNM performing Epic and Edge Of The World on Ed Lover & Doctor Dré's Yo! MTV Raps spin-off Da Show. Gonna hazard a guess Ed & Dré didn't quite get the gist of Edge Of The World's lyrics or they might not have been so enthusiastic about joining in on back-up dancer/vocalist duties. That's a song better suited to Westwood and Adam22.

Friday 2 February 2024

Late pass!

AyooLii ft. Myaap - On My Daddy
(From On My Daddy single; 2023)

Last August ya boi mentioned that two of my favourite songs from Milwaukeee's internet-sexy wave of current Rap were Myaap's HTS and AyooLii's Smackin' Crackin'. Had no idea that the pair of them dropped an equally twisty-turny Milwaukeee Slap-Magnifico together.. until now. One for the clap, two for the bass, go on boy & girl just smack that place. Result: wham, bam, it's a monster jam.

Hat tip to Crimedawgbylaw's selections on No Bells best 2023 Milwaukeee Rap round-up. Where is teh luv for Zae Shakur's Donuts In A Benz tho?

Wednesday 31 January 2024

Generic list post: January 2024

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when ya boi struggled to find any recent Rap music to my taste. It wasn't for lack of listening, but if shit doesn't click then I'm shit outta luck.

2Pac - Open Fire (O.G version) (1993)
Husalah ft. The Jacka - Think About You All The Time (2003)
Bruiser Wolf - Dope Boy (2024)
Bruiser Wolf - Hurry Up & Buy (2024)
R.A.P Ferreira & Furnitake Tamura - Jes' Grew Up In Osaka (2024)
Cajmere - Horny (2001)
Ramones - Today Your Love, Tomorrow The World (uncensored version) (1976/2017)

Other notables: because I could barely find any recent Rap which floats my boat, I put together a comfort blanket in the form of a Martorialist Classics™ playlist.

Monday 29 January 2024

Future Shock

Like I said in my Rap & BULLSHIT urban rumours post, when Digital Underground first came out very few folk realised Shock G and Humpty Hump were the SAME DAMN PERSON. Yes, Shock was a malleabley-mouthed MF who had the sheer charisma to pull off being two different characters; but he was also a crafty mischief-maker who was deliberately trying to fool Rap fans as he proved during his first YO! MTV Raps appearance in 1990. Peep Fab 5 Freddy interviewing Shock G and Humpy Hump at the SAME DAMN TIME!?!?
Later there was another Rap & BULLSHIT urban rumour that Humpty Dupe was 2pac in disguise, but he was #actually played by Shock's own brother Kent Craig. Anyhoo, am I correct in thinking that the only time Digital Underground ever performed live in the YO! MTV Raps studio was the 1991 episode where they did No Nose Job? A pity because D.U always set it off when they performed on TV.

Friday 26 January 2024


Ezale teasers got me feelin' like Captain Ahab in pursuit of his killa whale with a heavy tail. If the Pol Pot of Pill Popping-Rap™ isn't gonna drop that fun, fun, fun song yet then I'll gladly take this one instead. It's been a dry January for new Rap music which tickles ya boi's taste buds and Ezale snippets are the ultimate Martorialist thirst-trap. Let's get the Legit Slapz overflowing like a village pub's hanging baskets.

Monday 22 January 2024

Born To Audiomack: Martorialist Classics™

Various Artists - Martorialist Classics
1. 5th Ward Weebie - Supa Sunday In N.O (2003)
2. Mic Terror - If God Was Mic (2008)
3. Positive K ft. King Of Chill - Step Up Front (3 Heineken Technique mix) (1988)
4. Bailey - F**k Yo Couch (2006)
5. Spoonie Gee - The Big Beat (1983)
6. Grip Plyaz - Ray Lewis (2013)
7. Y@k Ballz - HomePiss (2000)
8. Eatem - Go Get Yo F**kin' Brotha (2021)
9. Lord Sear - Ya Mouth Stink (2000)
10. Mouse On Tha Track - Big Blossom (2022)
11. Go-Rilla Pimps - Pimp Olympics (2003)
12. Z-Man - Artistic Violence (1999)
13. Big Scoob - Kryptonite (2000)
14. Husalah - Inshallah (In God's Will) (2003)
15. Bizzie Boyz - For Those Who Slept (1990)
16. Missin' Linx - What It Is (1999)
17. J-Diggs - What Would Dre Say (2014)
18. Maino - Role Model (2008)
19. Toon ft. Ya Boy Big Choo - My Hot Girl (2016)
20. Kwest Tha Madd Ladd - 101 Things To Do While I'm With Your Girl (1994)
21. Extra T's - E.T Boogie (1982)
22. Ezale - Raised Like This (2021)
23. Max B - Take A Flick (2007)
24. Lil' Chris - Gods Crying (2015)
25. Cold Crush Brothers - Fresh, Wild, Fly & Bold (1984)
26. Slim Thug, PJ & Paul Wall - Live From The Lonestar (2005)
27. A-Mafia - Wunn (2019)
28. Jamie Jupitor - Future Computer (2016)
29. Day Day Sustaaa - B.A.N.P (2022)
30. The New Style - Scuffin' Those Knees (1989)

I post like fluid, got no choice but to do it. In it to win it, my blog layout is tinted. Presence is there, talents is rare, tellin' how I post, how I comb and share. My style is mobile, name is global, speak of Marty then say the boi he's noble. For years I trained and Rap music I probed, just to put sumfin' funky in ya earlobe. I'm causin' a frenzy inside ya Benzey, radio DJs is green with envy. But that's not my style, I'm just too kind, I repeat that line like an Auld Lang Syne. May old acquaintances be forgotten, I think that's just as well because some bloggers were rotten. I keep it positive and add some derogative, with a lot to take and a helluva lot to give. Readers... I know ya feelin' kinda right, press play on this shit because tonight's ya night.

Basically, I was browsing my Audiomack the other day and decided that I should make a playlist of Martorialist Classics™. 30 Rap songs spanning time between 1982 and 2022. I've posted about all these songs over the years so now I'm gonna let the music do the talking. I swept the 'mack with no broom, improvement needed? No room.

Wednesday 17 January 2024

My Mind Spray 13.5

If you thought "Illmatic OR It Was Written?" guys were the biggest bores then you've never come across an "Illmatic OR Stillmatic?" guy. Stillmatic is the dullest album to EVER receive 5 mics because Nas delivers his rhymes with the chutzpah of a double-glazing telephone salesman on his last call of a very long shift, and there's maybe 3 good songs maximum. On the strength of Get Down alone, God's Son is a far better album than Stillmatic innit.

I'm resigning from my position as British chief of EzaleHive because I missed this snippet from last year. 'Song OTW' in Ezaleglish translates as 'I might drop this shit in 2025'.

People used to wonder what Cadillac Tah actually did at Murder Inc Records - the answer was Ja Rule's gardening, Ashanti's washing & ironing, and any plumbing issues Irv Gotti had. But one of the reasons why Rap music is the G.O.A.T genre is that a record label's lackey can end up with a legit jam if they happen to snag the right beat at the right time, and that's exactly what happened when Tah recorded POV City Anthem. New Yorkers turned their noses up at the concept of Ringtone-Rap and decryed it as a symbol of southern LCD gimmickry. Newsflash: NYC invented Ringtone-Rap with the 2 way pager chirp of POV City Anthem.

This guy had the best 2023 songs list I came across. Fair play, my man has impeccable taste.

Ya boi watched Ghostbusters II for the first time since 1989 this past Christmas and was reminded of Doug E. Fresh's lousy song from the soundtrack which was made listenable with a Bomb Squad remix that sounded like a 1989 Howie Tee production. If only Special Ed had got that beat instead.

Sunday 14 January 2024

Ramonper Stomper

Ramones - Commando
(From Leave Home album; 1977/YouTube; 2008)

Another reason why YouTube is the internet's crown jewel: fan-made animated videos for Ramones classics like Commando, I Don't Wanna Go Down To The Basement, Judy Is A Punk, Listen To My Heart and Sheena Is A Punk Rocker. Most 1970s New York Punk was alright if you like junkies with nary a decent tune in sight, but early Ramones knocked out more tunes than Lozenges. An irresistible cocktail of riffs, rhythm, repetition, stories, melodies, harmonies and humour. The Ramones condensed entire worlds into songs which rarely lasted longer than two & a half minutes. That's some Vividest Author™ Mekon-brain songwriting decades before Un Kasa.

And another reason why YouTube is the internet's crown jewel, particularly if you're a Ramones Stan: the uncensored original studio version of Today Your Love, Tomorrow The World is on there innit. Even though Johnny Ramone and Tommy Ramone were Jewish and the song's writer Dee Dee Ramone was a half-German military brat who spent most of his youth in mumsy's Das Motherland, Sire Records' supremo Seymour Stein deemed the "I'm a nazi baby, I'm a nazi, yes I am" line #problematic and insisted the band remove the song from their debut album unless they changed its lyrics. Da Brudders complied and re-recorded the song but always performed the original lyrics live. In 2017 the O.G uncensored studio version turned up on the Ramones' YouTube page and I'm pretty sure it's never appeared anywhere else previously or anywhere else since. The re-recorded version is a top five dead or alive closing song on a Rock album, and this O.G version is frigging incredible too. Fifth rule IS: "don't mention the war!"

Ramones - Today Your Love, Tomorrow The World (O.G uncensored version)
(From Ramones album recording sessions; 1976/YouTube; 2017)

One, two, three, for the treble: which American actor/director is a huge Stan of both the Ramones and Spoonie Gee? Hey ho, it's Vincent Gallo.

Friday 12 January 2024

I saw a Wolf with a Columbian menu in his hand... (part 2)

"That was a good look, before he left me hanging like a pull up
It was money on the floor like a push up
But that's the story of my life, which is a good book"

Bruiser Wolf - Hurry Up & Buy
(From My Story Got Stories album; 2024)

When Bruiser Wolf declared "I got my own sound, I'm an instrument" on his first album it wasn't so much a boast as a explanation of how his dulcet Looney Tones work. Marvin The Martian tempo, his lines got pimples, the spaces got dimples, everything he says sounds com-umental. The game ain't the same without the playaz in, these words don't make sense without the layers in, the white lines don't hit the same without the LOLz in, this beat sounds like it was chopped in Shaolin.

Previously: I saw a Wolf with a Columbian menu in his hand...

Sunday 7 January 2024

Jack B Nastie

The Jacka - Heavy Rain (CDQ)
(From the internet/The Jackilation unreleased album; 2007)

Back in early 2022, me & JackaHive were over the moon to finally find a CDQ version of his G.O.A.T lost loosie Heavy Rain. In fact, it's one of Jacka's G.O.A.T songs full stop and demonstrates why him & RobLo were one of those perfect rapper/producer pairings who were born to record music together. Ya boi recently found out the story behind the song: it was recorded for some album called The Jackilation by a Benicia rapper called Jack Nastie. The album never dropped but Jacka's team uploaded the unmixed version of Heavy Rain to his MySpace page. Turns out there was another Jacka song recorded for the Jack Nastie album featuring Dubb 20 and Nastie himself which makes the ideal B-side to Heavy Rain. Naturally the song would be better if Nastie hadn't laid locals on it, but I can't begrudge him his moment in the sun because that man is partially responsible for Heavy Rain's existence. Raise a toast to Jack - both of them!

The Jacka ft. Jack Nastie & Dubb 20 - I Can Have It
(From The Jackilation unreleased album; 2007)

The three of them even performed I Can Have It live in a school gym once.

Friday 5 January 2024

I saw a Wolf with a Columbian menu in his hand...

"I wonder if they could tell I'm a dope boy?
My first toy was a scale, I had no choice
Money talk, I had no voice
My mom was gone, I had no joy "

Bruiser Wolf - Dope Boy
(From Dope Boy single; 2024)

2024 has lift off! It's the return of the Wolf with more one-liners than Bob Monkhouse. Thankfully he's stuck 2 his script and his musical M.O is still Danny Brown's m8 who sounds like Suga Free in a Carhartt Duck chore jacket rather than a Cavalli 3/4 length Mink coat. A Rapconteur with the comic delivery of your favourite sitcom character, Bruiser Wolf stays a breath of cool breeze in the zone of Detroit D-Boy rhymes. Those intangibles innit - it's mostly tha voice that makes your ears perk up, it's mostly tha voice that makes your funny-bone buck.