Once upon a time on the Rap part of YouTube...

Ice Cube ft. Lil' Russ - Gangsta's Fairytale
(From AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted album; 1990/YouTube; 2006)


One of YouTube's first and best fan-made videos. So good, in fact, that it inspired another Cube fan to make a video for Gangsta's Fairytale 2 in 2009.

Ice Cube ft. Lil' Russ - Gangsta's Fairytale 2
(From The Predator album; 1992/YouTube; 2009)


You, a square: Gangsta's Fairytale or Gangsta's Fairytale 2?

Me, a connoisseur: Lil' Russ or De La Soul's young'n Jeff?

Mack Daddy to the left of me, Baby Gangsta to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with youz.

The best Rap songs of the 2010s imho

Pour out a little Rumbullion for the decade of "Das Racist are important", "Nicki Minaj is the best Rapper alive", "RiFF RaFF is an artist we should take seriously outside of the TKO Capone songs he guested on", "Migos are better than The Beatles", "Young Thug is a human saxophone", "Travis Scott is the last Rockstar", "Joe Budden is an engaging multimedia personality with good opinions", and "Blueface is the best Rapper ever" versus "Blueface is the worst Rapper ever." On one hand, any decade where some insufferable c*nt like Drake can flourish was undoubtedly the worst decade of Rap to date. On the other hand, the 2010's was arguably the most diverse decade of Rap thus far. Truly, it was the worst of times, it was the best of times.

I helped the blog game, it ain't help me, I'm top 5 dead or alive and that's just off my post about Dozer's beef with Immortal Technique. Gimme a choo-choo train for the most badass tracks of the 2010s as according to ya host Messi Mart. Please believe this list has zero interest in Reflecting The Zeitgeist™ and is merely presented as a shrine to my own absolute favourite songs of the decade in one huge splurge of hyperlinx. It's lists like this which remind me that music bloggin' is basically DJing for people who can't be arsed learning how to DJ but still wanna inflict their taste on other people innit? The Martorialist is mah spot so I don't need any dry-eared randos tellin' me what songs I should have on my own damn list - take your suggestions, stick 'em in your own damn list, and keep it movin'.

Beeda Weeda - Bassrock Babies (O.G version) (2010)
Lil' Boosie - Top To The Bottom (2010)
Sean Price - Figure Four (2010)
Young Dro - Freeze Me (2010)
Curren$y - Michael Knight (2010)
Wiz Khalifa - The Kid Frankie (2010)
Dru Down ft. The Jacka - Hello Hello Hello (2010)
A-Mafia - 1000 Grams (2010)
Lil B - Good Morning (2010)
Young L - Young L-E-N (2010)
Roc Marciano - Ridin' Around (2010)
Gucci Mane - Normal (2010)
Waka Flocka Flame ft. Kebo Gotti - Grove St. Party (2010)
Soulja Boy ft. Gucci Mane - Pretty Boy Swag (Remix) (2010)
HBK Gang - She Ready (2010)
Travis Porter - Make It Rain (2010)
NhT Boyz ft. The Jacka - U Ain't From (2010)
$tarlito - Alright (2010)
Keak Da Sneak - Maxi Pads (2010)
Max Minelli - Louisiana Sky (2010)
Meek Mill ft. Young Chris - House Party (2011)
DB Tha General - Upgrade 'Em 2 (2011)
Kreayshawn - Gucci Gucci (2011)
Juicy J - Who Da Neighbors (2011)
LoveRance ft. IamSu & Skipper - UP! (2011)
Lady - Pussy (2011)
Bo Deal ft. Mello G Blanca - Safe Sex (2011)
Danny Brown - Lincoln Continental (2011)
E-40 ft. B-Legit & Stresmatic - Rear View Mirror (2011)
Mysonne - In Jail (2011)
Husalah - Da Mob (2011)
DJ Quik ft. Suga Free & Ty Dolla $ign - Nobody (2011)
Katie Got Bandz - I Need A Hitta (video mix) (2011)
Webbie ft. Lil' Phat - What's Happenin' (2011)
Rich Kidz ft. Young Thug - 100 Dollar Autograph (2011)
Sir Michael Rocks ft. Shorty K & Tris J - Too $hort Back (2011)
HD Of Bearfaced - 40 Glock USA (Remix) (2011)
Treal Lee & Prince Rick - Shoes Up (2011)
Tyga - Rack City (2011)
Fat Trel - Rolling (2011)
Ike Eyes - Blue Roxies (2011)
Lil' Phat ft. Mannie Fresh - Talk Some Mo' (2011)
Rich Boy - All I Know (2011)
Wooh Da Kid - I Prefer (2011)
Gunplay - Jump Out (2012)
Rick Ross - High Definition (2012)
Chinx Drugz ft. French Montana - I'm A Coke Boy (2012)
Mic Terror - Heaux Love Me (2012)
Fam-Lay - Clap Clap (2012)
Feva ft. Husalah & Franchise - Handsome (2012)
Jeezy ft. 2 Chainz - R.I.P (2012)
Ghost8800 - Sonic Boom (video mix) (2012)
Future ft. Casino - Karate Chop (2012)
Jackie Chain - So Throwed (2012)
Diamond ft. Juicy J & Jackie Chain - At The Bar (2012)
King Louie - Val Venis (2012)
Young Giftz ft. TREE - Nino (2012)
Clyde Carson ft. The Team - Slow Down (2012)
Alpoko Don - Get My Paypa Dog (2012)
Foxx ft. $hizz - 3rd Person (2012)
Mouse On Tha Track - Raise A Finger (2012)
Nicki Minaj ft. 2 Chainz - Beez In The Trap (2012)
Sage The Gemini - Red Nose (2013)
AZ - We Movin' (2013)
Lil' Wayne ft. 2 Chainz - Rich As Fuck (2013)
K Kutta - Lum Lum (2013)
Mystikal - Hit Me (2013)
DJ Mustard ft. Ty Dolla $ign & Joe Mo$e$ - Paranoid (2013)
Ezale - Foreal Foreal (2013)
Gzus Piece - Gimme That Cash (2013)
Project Pat ft. Juicy J - Never Be A G (2013)
ZMoney - Regular (2013)
Grip Plyaz - Ray Lewis (2013)
Young Thug - Stoner (2013)
Busta Rhymes & Q-Tip - Thank You (Kid Capri Remix) (2013)
P.Rico - Gladiator (2013)
Johnny Cinco - They Gave The Wrong Young N*gga Money (2013)
Sicko Mobb - Fiesta (2013)
Pablo Skywalkin' - All Facts (2013)
Boldy James - Moochie (2019)
Suga Free & Pimpin' Young ft. Nate Dogg - 15 Minutes To 5 (2013)
Z-Ro - Look Good (2013)
BeatKing - IONCAHH (2013)
Migos - Hannah Montana (2013)
Kevin Gates - Neon Lights (2013)
Speaker Knockerz - Lonely (2013)
Kap G - Fuck La Policia (2014)
J-Diggs - What Would Dre Say (2014)
YG - BPT (2014)
Fabolous - Lituation (2014)
TREE - Probably Nu It (2014)
Kid Ink ft. Usher & Tinashe - Body Language (2014)
Junglepussy - Bling Bling (2014)
K Camp - Oh No (2014)
Rae Sremmurd - No Type (2014)
The Jacka ft. Dru Down & Joe Blow - The President's Face (2014)
A-Wax - Trainwreck (2014)
5th Ward Weebie - Let Me Find Out (2014)
Rich Gang - Freestyle (2014)
Big Sean - Paradise (single version) (2014)
Lupe Fiasco ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Next To It (2014)
Shy Glizzy ft. DJ Drama - Funeral (2014)
Mr.2-17 - Strong Arm Flexxin' (2014)
Flo Rida ft. Sage The Gemini - GDFR (2014)
Heaven ft. Lil' Chris - Don't Shoot (2014)
Rich Homie Quan - Flex (Ooh, Ohh, Ohh) (2015)
Nef The Pharaoh - Big Tymin' (2015)
22nd Letter - Blunt On Me (2015)
Ampichino - The Eulogy (2015)
Kendrick Lamar - Alright (2015)
Level & Mouse On Tha Track - I Bet U Won't (2015)
Lil' Chris - God's Crying (2015)
Warren G ft. Nate Dogg - My House (2015)
Fetty Wap ft. Monty - 679 (2015)
Dr. Yen Lo - Day 22 (2015)
Young Devi D - Young Fly N*gga (2015)
Berner & The Jacka ft. Rydah J. Klyde - One Sound (2015)
Honey Cocaine - Honeydick (2015)
Paul Wall - Swangin' In The Rain (2015)
Bankroll Fresh ft. Boochie & Travis Porter - Walked In (2015)
Hardini - I'm Bick (2015)
70th Street Carlos ft. JMM Larry & SOG Sherwood Flame - Cross Me (2016)
Tink - Aquafina (2016)
French Montana ft. Kodak Black - Lockjaw (2016)
Yung Cat - You Ah Bitch (2016)
2 Chainz - MFN Right (2016)
Team Toon ft. Ya Boy Big Choo - My Hot Boy (2016)
Jimmy Wopo - Elm Street (2016)
Dreezy ft. Jeremih - Body (2016)
Uncle Murda - Cam'Ron Voice (2016)
NBA YoungBoy - 38 Baby (2016)
Ralo - Calm Down Ralo (2016)
Rittz ft. Mike Posner & E-40 - Inside Of The Groove (2016)
T.E.C & Maine Musik - Ain't No Comin' Down (2016)
OMB Peezy - Lay Down (video mix) (2016)
Quelle Chris - Buddies (2017)
WNC Whop Bezzy & 70th Street Carlos - Trell (2017)
Mozzy - Sleep Walkin' (2017)
Creek Boyz - With My Team (video mix) (2017)
Tay-K - The Race (2017)
Open Mike Eagle - Brick Body Complex (2017)
Queen Key - My Way (2017)
Baby Soulja ft. Boosie BadAzz - Dirty (2017)
Loc Choc - Fast Life (2017)
FMB DZ - Friday (2017)
Doughboyz Cashout ft. B. Ryan - This Is How We Move It (2017)
DaBoii of SOB X RBE - Onna Gang (2018)
Rico Nasty - Smack A Bitch (2018)
DJ Premier ft. Casanova - Wut U Said???? (2018)
Cash Kidd - Zorbas (2018)
P-Lo - Same Squad (2018)
Valee ft. Jeremih - Womp Womp (2018)
Sada Baby - LLYGMISTA (2018)
City Girls - Period (We Live) (2018)
Lil' Peep - Cry Alone (2018)
Jean Grae & Quelle Chris - My Contribution To This Scam (2018)
FBG Duck - Slide (2018)
Rich The Factor - Do It Gooba (2018)
BlocBoy JB - Mercedes (2019)
Duke Deuce - Yeh (2019)
Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Still Not Havin' It (2019)
Eatem - Whoop Sum (2019)
DaBaby - Walker Texas Ranger (2019)
Ether ft. Fivio Foreign & Mr. Swipey - WAKA (2019)
Peezy - New Car Smell (2019)
ShooterGang Kony - Charlie (2019)
Polo G - Deep Wounds (2019)
Lil' Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus - Old Town Road (remix) (2019)
Kokane - Doo Doo Headz (2019)
XanMan - Foulin' The Plug (2019)
The Egyptian Lover - 5¢ Camel Ride (Long Version) (2019)

Best old Rap songs to properly see the light of day this decade:
Bizzie Boyz - Brainstorm (1988/2011)
Lord Finesse - Inconsiderate Females (1989/2012)
LL Cool J - Year Of The Hip Hop (1991 or 1992/2011)
Spice 1 - Killa Days (1992/2014)
Camp Lo - Coolie High Is Life (1995/2016)
G. Dep - Blak N*gga (1996/2016)
Pete Rock - Street Dreams (instrumental) (1996/2019)
2Pac - Letz Get It On (Ready 2 Rumble) O.G mix (1996/2019)
Mac Dre - Pawns In The Game (1997/2014)
Casual - Who Do That? (1997/2016)
Juvenile ft. Big Tymers - Cash Money Gorilla (1998/2017)
Z-Man - Artistic Violence (1999/2012)
Young Bleed - Stamp On It (2006/2011)
Camu Tao - Plot A Little (2007/2010)
Max B - Take A Flick (2007/2013)
MF DOOM & Madlib - Avalanche (2009/2016)
T-Pain & Lil' Wayne - Listen To Me (2009/2017)

Best non-American Rap songs of the 2010s:
Giggs - Monsta Man (2011)
Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX - Fancy (2014)
MHD - Afro Trap Part 3 (Champions League) (2015)
Krept & Konan ft. Jeremih - Freak Of The Week (2015)
Nick Brewer ft. Bibi Bourelly - Talk To Me (2015)
New Age Muzik - Da Beat (2016)
21 Savage & Metro Boomin' - No Heart (2016)
Young T & Bugsey - No Mickey Mouse Ting (2016)
DJ Consequence ft. YCEE In A Benz (2016)
J Hus - Did You See (2017)
MoStack - Let It Ring (2017)
Donae'O - Black (Social Circles Remix) (2017)
Sneakbo ft. Giggs - Active (2017)
If anyone fancies putting the main list together as a streamable playlist then do it on YouTube rather than Spotify or any of the other DSPs. Why? Because all yer DSPs are currently missing the right mixes of Bassrock Babies, Freeze Me, I Need A Hitta, Paranoid, Fiesta, Thank You, Never Be A G, Lay Down, With My Team etc. If that ain't bad enough, all yer DSPs are also currently missing the tracks by Boosie, Foxx, Bo Deal & Mello G Blanca, Mysonne, Fat Trel, HD Of Bearfaced, Treal Lee & Prince Rick, Rich Boy, Wooh Da Kid, Mic Terror, Rick Ross, Grip Plyaz, Pablo Skywalkin, Rich Gang, 22nd Letter, Lil' Chris etc. A playlist without those songs ain't my list, so DON'T add my name to it.

Bonus beats: best non-Rap songs of the 2010s imho.

Bonus beats two: top 50 Rap late pass discoveries of the 2010s.

Bonus beats three: top 50 non-Rap late pass discoveries of the 2010s.

I think these corny indie fux tryna wind me up, maybe I'm just Paranoid?

Reasons why you should never trust Pitchfork part gazillion: their best 200 songs of the 2010s list features the Godawful B.o.B remix of Paranoid rather than the original Joe Mo$e$ version which Atlantic Records tried to shut down at the behest of T.I. This song's still good as fuck, Pitchfork's list is a boogawoof!

DJ Mustard ft. Ty Dolla $ign & Joe Mo$e$ - Paranoid
(From DJ Mustard's Ketchup mixtape; 2013)


Picture me EVER payin' to use Spotify or any other other DSP when none of them have the proper version of Paranoid.

Fun fun fun on the Cairo Autobahn

The Egyptian Lover - 5¢ Camel Ride (Long Version)
(From Beyond The Galaxy EP; 2019)


Ya host asked for an extended version of that killer interlude from Egyptian Lover's 2018 LP, and lo and behold here it is. Initially balked at the notion of an 8 minute instrumental until remembering that Lover Boi has form for showing his arse on extended 808 epics. In fact, 8 minutes is the ideal length because this is driving music to peel off on the tar in your cosmic car, fuck around and get your driver's licence from Mars.

Ancient Egyptians actually had flying cars, y'know. It's true - I heard it in a Ras Kass song.

Mighty Mike Tyson (no Spoonie Gee)

Heard by Seldon but seldom heard before, here's one for youz hardened 2Pac stans: the O.G version of that track he recorded for Mike Tyson to use as his entrance music for the infamous Bruce Seldon fight on September 7th 1996. There's been a couple of remixes of this which have emerged over the years, but this is the original mix with the beat which later got resold to Spice 1. Presumably the TruPac fanboy equivalent of Martin Shkreli finally got his hands on this and then leaked it a couple of days ago.

"All they see is black venom then my silhouette
Just watch the fear reappear in they eyes when I hit the set
Oh no, 2Pac wit' team Tyson, Seldon was seldom seen
Iron Mike cut his head like a guillotine"

2Pac - Letz Get It On (Ready 2 Rumble) (O.G version)
(2Pac's last recording session; september 6th 1996/the internet; 2019)


Sux that 2Pac died and we never got an Evander Holyfield response to this. Obviously it'd be produced by one of the Bad Boy Hitmen with lyrics penned by Biggie and ad libs from Puffy.

Added this to my 2010's golden oldies playlists of old tracks which have emerged this decade.

Generic list post: September 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when world's kept colliding in ever more unexpected ways. If only Jacob Rees-Mogg would take a nap on the third rail.

Eatem - Whoop Sum (2019)
BlocBoy JB - It's Bloc (2019)
Laroo THH ft. E-40 - HOG (2019)
Rio Da Young OG - Legendary (2019)
DJ Deeon - Point 'Em Out (1996)
Calvin Harris ft. Rag 'n' Bron Son - Giant (2019)
Other notables: couldn't even blame J. Cole for the "new" Gang Starr single being a snoozefest; as long as there's breath in my lungs I'ma opine that Milano has never topped Rep For The Slums, but Boulevard Author is close; Dungeon Family's Intentions could have been a new Follow The Light if Big Boi had given more sing-time to Sleepy Brown rather than That Weirdo Rapist Cee-Lo™; Wiz & YG's Shouldn't Matter flipping the G.O.A.T Paul Weller song is another example of world's colliding in ever more unexpected ways.

Related: why couldn't God have taken Sean Spicer rather than Jimmy Spicer?

Why couldn't God have taken Sean Spicer rather than Jimmy Spicer?

Breaker one, breaker two, Jimmy Spicer just died so let's make like Jeckyll & Hyde and do the do. Telephone or tell a friend that Jimmy was laying down "crazy space shit that don't even make no sense" on wax three years before Rammellzee's Beat Bop. When Spicer Magnetic claimed "planet Rhyme On is my place of birth" on Adventures Of Super Rhyme, it's not so much a boast as an explanation of how he appeared ex nihilo as Rap's first eccentric on wax. 1983's Money (Dollar Bill Y'all) is rightfully lauded as Jimmy's masterpiece, but it's his 1980 debut that cemented him as Rap's king of the yakety yak yard. For twelve minutes Jimmy the raconteur travels across time, space, Transylvania & Studio 54 in four different voices flipping labyrinthine storytelling rhymes to sound like freestyled stream-of-consciousness one minute, and then flipping clearly-improvised ad libs to sound like finely-honed writtens the next.

Jimmy Spicer - Adventures Of Super Rhyme
(From Adventures Of Super Rhyme 12"; 1980)


As well as being Rap's original oddball, Jimmy was also the first Rapper who didn't even need to release an album - why bother to record an LP when you've already dropped a couple of 10/10 timeless classic 12" singles with "more rhymes than a clock got chimes"? Jimmy Spicer: kinda like Jay Electronica, only actually good.

R.I.P to the O.G Super M.C. May your soul rhyme & roll in steree-eree-o forever ever.

Laroo like Danny

"That's his name? Or is it a nom de plume?"

Let's not even indulge Laroo's silly midlife-crisis rebrand as Hitta Slim. Instead, let's celebrate that he's found NorCal's two biggest blap-tremendo productions of 2019 thus far and consequently dropped his two best singles since 20 Bricks and Dip Wit' U. Laroo himself remains as serviceable as ever, but these tracks got the proverbial heavy tails like killer whales.

Laroo THH ft. E-40 - HOG
(From YouTube; 2019)



Laroo THH - Dog Lane
(From YouTube; 2019)


3 rules Rappers gotta follow if they expect anyone to take their rebrand seriously: they must flip their whole personality (Zev Luv X to MF DOOM), their O.G moniker must be commercially-doomed when attempting to launch a solo career (Tity Boi to 2 Chainz), or they must change their name early within the first 6 months of their career (WNC Carlos to 70th Street Carlos.)

MT Plays It Cool

"She love me long time 'cause I'm so special
She holdin' me and cryin' and she won't let go
Bad things come to an end sorta like Eckō, FUBU, and No Limit Apparel
Tell that n*gga Wale that we serious about our Harold's
Say somethin' 'bout Sharks and n*gga's gonna see the barrels"

Mic Terror - Heaux Love Me
(From YouTube; 2012)


File this under 'underrated jams which will feature in ya boy's Best Rap Songs of the 2010s list.' Cleo's Apartment by Marvin Gaye was always destined to be flipped into some fly Midwesternplayalistichickenshopmuzik and BJ The Chicago Kid clearly agreed. Word around Chi-Town, Drew Barber banned Mic Terror from the FakeShoreDrive office after he dissed Master P's clothing line on this song.

Bonus beats: another underrated 2012 Chicago jam which'll also feature in ya boy's end-of-the-decade list. Same energy as Heaux Love Me, but with a twist of TREE's Soul Trap™. Great unintentional video moment at 1:11 when one of the Windy City's infamous gusts blows Giftz man's cap right offa his head. His hat, it done took flight!

"Whip so sick I don't need to chain
2 white girls I don't need no 'caine, mane
Bitch so lame I don't need no game
Glock so big I don't need no gang
18 shots I don't need no aim
Cops roll round I ain't gon' slang
You can just call me Nino, mane"

Young Giftz ft. TREE - Nino
(From YouTube; 2012)

Hard To Care

Who gives a fuck about a new Gang Starr album comprised of unused Baldhead Slick-era Guru acapellas bolted onto a bunch of 2019 Primo beats when you can just listen to the G.O.A.T Gang Starr deeeeeep cut 14 times in a row instead?

Gang Starr - Doe In Advance (O.G version)
(From Hard To Earn sessions; 1994/12" single; 2000)


Wonder if Gang Starr even have any unreleased tracks? Primo would have had a fairly good idea what samples he couldn't get cleared, and most Rap groups back in't day just recorded what they needed to fill an album/12" single/soundtrack placement.

Remember when Guru was rumoured to be in a relationship with DJ Solar as was rumoured in the years leading up to his death? If the erstwhile MC Keithy E was gonna indulge in some arse-play with another bloke then he deserved a gay DJ on the level of Mister Cee as opposed to some shitty glorified Soundclick producer.

It's so rowdy in the Rouge part 2

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Wh🥊🥊p Sum Challenge❗️ (@_eatem) on Sep 13, 2019 at 12:30pm PDT

1989 Stezo lives on in Eatem's acid-wash denim dungarees. Eatem is for the children (no Skullduggery) which is why he's bringing that Baton Rouge Brawl Music™ to high school pep rallys. I'm more of a Hit Da Drink Twice (Martorialist Edit) man meself, but I respect that Whoop Sum is Eatem's song currently goin' viral in the 70815 because Whoopin' is eternal like E. 1999.

"If I ain't never smoke a blunt and skip a class witcha
If I ain't never fuck a bitch and get a bag witcha
Then I ain't finna hit the club and act an ass witcha"

Eatem - Whoop Sum
(From the internet; 2019)

Martorialist Elegance: Put Ya Filas On!

No dancer, b - R.I.P Trouble T
Fila rock, kill a cop
2Pac's kinda like Steady B.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by FILA FRESH LIFESTYLE (@filafresh) on Sep 16, 2019 at 5:06am PDT

My m8 Chinese John just got back from Cuba and said he saw 2Pac rockin' a pair of them Spice Girl lookin' Fila Disruptor IIs.

Clear & Present Ginger Part 2

Calvin Harris ft. Rag 'n' Bron Son - Giant
(From some upcoming Calvin Harris album; 2019)


David Zowie's House Every Weekend's reign on top was long like Calvin Harris' legs, but it's time we all accept that Giant has toppled Zowie's one moment of glory from its perch as the best ASOS Get The Look-House anthem of the 2010s. Youz see Calvin, Jimmy? The big wee bugger has got a funnel up his arse and a breeze between his ears, but in the past 12 months he's produced a banger for Donae'o, made Sam Smith listenable, and justified the existence of a Don't Flop rappa-ternt-sanga who's the Jihadi Jordan equivalent of Plan B meets Paul Shane.

True story, Giant's ten second crescendo from 3:09 to 3:19 never fails to make me wanna triumphantly pop off semi-automatic weapons into the sky like Stitches.

And then when the trumpet parps back up for the final chorus it's bare euphoric Boyz-on-RTE vybz.

One luv 2 Stephen Gately. Goodbye, Norma Jean...

Spoonie TeeVee

Been watchin' some of JayQuan's other Foundation Lesson videos since I caught wind of his Errol "Pumpkin" Bedward overview and of course the Spoonie Gee one is my fave. There's some nice little nuggets of info for us Spoon Spoon Spoonie Stans, JayQuan's conversational tone of narration is a refreshing change from certain other Rap historian YouTubers who have the oratory skillz of Kevin Kilbane on Match of the Day, and Spoonie's story is wrapped up in the same amount of time it takes Lord Jamar to fume about poofters in a standard VladTV video.


Speakin' of Vlad, let's talk about this recent piece of quality journalism. China Mac? More like China's Packin' A Mac In The Front Of The AZN amirite.

B Section

"If I wasn't a felon I pro'lly woulda ran for the mayor
I can't get lost 'cause I got this cash, I make a money trail
What's for sale? I got junkies at the door from Delaware
Got a freaky bitch she walk around the house in underwear
Everytime I pull my dick out, man, your know her tongue is there"

BlocBoy JB - It's Bloc
(From YouTube; 2019)


Plz believe I'm using It's Bloc as the B-side to Mercedes. Reeeewind for my favourite BlocBoy JB song to date:

"John Wall, Wizard
Dan Buehler, kick ya
We don't shake no hands with the opposition, n*gga
LA Clipper
Eastside Cripper
Keep playin' with my dogs 'til I make 'em go and sic ya"

BlocBoy JB - Mercedes
(From I Am Me album; 2019)

Khop the album when I drop it (or not)

Mr. Short Khop ft. Kokane - Dollaz, Drank & Dank
(From Da Khop Shop album; 2001)


Thumbs up like Bill Bixby to whoever it woz who put me onto this Battlecat bam-bam by Ice Cube's equivalent of Knoc-turn'al. Shit's properly clicked for me now to the point where I've blapped it thrice in a row every other day over the past couple of weeks. It's never been easier to dig for old music, but finding choonz you truly love remains as tricky as ever innit?

Kokane clearly borrowed X-Pac's Ric Flair wig for this video.

R.I.P to Pumpkin, I had to regulatte part 2

If you're unfamiliar with JayQuan then the best way to describe him would be Dart Adams minus the extreme autism/narcissism. Anyhoo, JQ's just dropped a Foundation lesson video on Rap's first super-producer Errol "Pumpkin" Bedward and it's the definitive breakdown of the O.G King Of The Beat's career. Proper sunday morning edutainment for zee seasoned Rap connoisseur.


Hat tip to the baby-mama champion O'Eardley for the head's up on this.

Generic list post: August 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when it was conclusively proven that the ONLY good Rap lists on the internet are hyperlinked song lists.

Mic Terror - Juke Them Hoes (CDQ version) (2007/2017)
Mic Terror - For The Heaux (2019)
Dru Down - Ring Ding Dong (2019)
70th Street Carlos - Opp Watch (EP version) (2019)
Devin The Dude - Trap-A-N*gga (2019)
XanMan - Foulin' The Plug (2019)
Guitar Red - Disco From A Space Show (1976)
Other notables: Website Scamming is the first Teejayx6 song where his instructional Fraud For Dummies 101 schtick hasn't bored the shit outta me; I couldn't make head nor tail of the American chicken war until Project Paccino dropped Popeyes; somebody shoulda told DaBoii that Mac Dre already made the definitive NorCal Friends beatflip; it doesn't bode well that Max B isn't even home yet and he's already making boring Auto-Tune shite featuring A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie (sometimes I hate being right); serves Ya Boy Big Choo right for not droppin' his remix of Dolamite's Hustlas because The Hot Tymers have come along and dropped their own flip of it.

Bonus beats: top 50 non-Rap late pass discoveries of the 2010s.

R.I.P Guru

XanMan - Foulin' The Plug
(From YouTube; 2019)


I ain't tryna say that XanMan doesn't get retarded on this track, but it's mostly the piano that perked my ears up, and it's mostly the tractor which had me like "that's what's up!"

The Blues Planet

Guitar Red - Disco From A Space Show
(From Hard Times album; 1976)


Some crazy space shit that do make sense, courtesy of a Chicago Bluesman. It's the song Dexter Wansel's Theme From The Planets coulda/shoulda/woulda been if Wansel had reined in the Jazz-Funk wankery and gone intergalactic planetary cosmic panoramic instead. Who Sampled It reckons this is the only Rap song to use Disco From A Space Show but I swear I've heard it sampled on summat else.

Born To Audiomack: 2019 Rap De Rap Show

How y'all feelin' out there? You're listenin' to the Martorialist show and I'm ya host Messy Mart playin' all the slammin' tunes for all you Mart Daddies & Martettes, so hold tight for a 21 song 2019 Rap sweep on WTFBS.

1. Eatem - Hit Da Drink Twice (Martorialist Edit)
2. AZ - It's Time
3. Da Baby - Walker Texas Ranger
4. ShooterGang Kony - Charlie
5. Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Still Not Havin' It
6. Queen Key - Ratchett
7. Peezy - New Car Smell
8. Sada Baby & FMB DZ - Ape Drip
9. Blocboy JB - Mercedes
10. Duke Deuce - Yeh
11. Polo G - Deep Wounds
12. Mic Terror - Playa Shit
13. Devin The Dude - Trap-A-N*gga
14. Lil' Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus - Old Town Road (Remix)
15. Kokane - Doo Doo Headz
16. Dru Down - Ring Ding Dong
17. Ether ft. Fivio Foreign & Mr. Swipey - WAKA
18. Pete Rock - Street Dreams (Instrumental)
19. 70th Street Carlos - Play For
20. Quelle Chris - Obamacare
21. XanMan - Foulin' The Plug


This isn't necessarily my 20 favourite Rap songs of 2019 thus far, more the 20 Rap songs from 2019 which have been the incidental music to ya boy's life over the past 8 months. Contrary to what the Rap internet would have you believe, music is summat which exists to be used as the soundtrack to your existence, not summat which you use to have performative Twitter opinionz about.

Bonus Beats: Born To Audiomack: 2019 late pass! (so far)

R.I.P To Nate Dogg, l Had To Appreciate

Nate Dogg - I Got Love
(From Music & Me album; 2001)


Every now and then I go through Nate Dogg's albums to try and find another solo song as good as I Got Love and every time it proves to be a fruitless search. The Captain Hook of Rap deserved better beats and/or more space to do his own damn thing on his own damn songs.

Really doe, how did the sanger who brought a golf club to a fist fight not get blessed with one of those vintage Death Row-era Dre productions for himself?

Welcome to the Terrorzone 2

"Black Benz, black tint, MAC-10
I'm rollin' the window down - what's happenin'?
Rata Tat-Tat on dat ass like The Brat and
My aim is Outstanding like The Gap Band"

Mic Terror - For The Heaux
(From Green Summer EP; 2019)


Another fave from Mic Terror's new EP is the unofficial Heaux Love Me sequel. When he's in this zone Mic Terror is kinda like a laconic millennial version of Rhymefest. Well, a laconic millennial version of Rhymefest minus his bizarre transatlantic tête-à-tête with David Cameron during the glory days of late-Blairism. It was a British fing, you wouldn't understand - just like Rhymefest's These Days sounding like the Blankety Blank theme.

Who Dem Girlz? (no Moscaddie)

"I'm the new asshole of the industry
Church folk all wanna get rid of me
Feminists consider me an enemy
I say hoes, I don't mean that offensively
I just don't know your names individually
You not dancin'? I gave you a remedy
A House track with a little' bit of energy
To Juke to when you off that Hennessy"

Mic Terror - Juke Them Hoes
(From the internet; 2007/digital retail; 2017)


I know I mentioned this in another post, but the properly-mastered MP3 of Mic Terror's Juke Them Hoes really has transformed an already great track into something truly glorious. It's the equivalent of finding a grainy VHS tape porno you saw as a teenager in vivid Blu-ray quality on XHamster (other smut streaming sites are available.) There's some things you just can't transform, though: despite what the official MP3's artwork sez it's always gonna be Juke Them Hoes.

Most importantly, it's still the song wot corrected the main problem with Hip-House: too much House, not enough Hip-Hop. As an old Kay Slay saying goes, only Chicago coulda done that, yo!

James Dong

"In the club with that iron, no we don't leave 'em in the vans
Every glock got a dick just like some motherfuckin' pants"

70th Street Carlos - Opp Watch
(From 007 EP; 2019)


Shaken not stirred, bonkers not berserk. Different flow on this, but same overall WNC effect innit. The EP version of this is slightly different to the video version and I prefer the former, meself.

Generic list post: best non-rap late pass discoveries of the 2010s

In the immortal near-words of Tay-K: you want action, let's turn to the past-tense. I present you with the obligatory non-Rap companion to my top 50 Rap late pass discoveries of the 2010's; well, it's actually 44 old songs I've discovered this decade and 6 old songs I've rediscovered in the past 10 years. How did I ever function without most of these songs in my life? It's a mystery, Scooby Doo.

Andre Williams - Bacon Fat (1956)
The Phantom - Love Me (1960)
David Rose & His Orchestra - The Stripper (1962)
The Majorettes - White Levi's (1963)
Outlaw Blues Band - Deep Gully (1969)
Rodriguez - Only Good For Conversation (1970)
Al Green - You Say It (1971)
The Voices of East Harlem - Run Shaker Life (1971)
Bobby Rush - Chicken Heads (1971)
Tito Puente - Para Los Rumberos (1972)
Hoyt Axton - Telephone Booth (1974)
Guitar Red - Disco From A Space Show (1976)
David Matthews with Whirlwind - Shoogie Wanna Boogie (1976)
The JB's - Crossover (1977)
Delegation - Oh Honey (1977)
Ronnie Hazelhurst - Are You Being Served? (movie version) (1977)
Marvin Gaye - Got To Give It Up Part 1 (1977)
Linda Clifford - Runaway Love (12" version) (1978)
Squeeze - Take Me I'm Yours (1978)
The Undertones - You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It?) (1979)
The Brat - Leave Me Alone (1980)
Mavis John - Use My Body (1981)
Glory - Let's Get Nice (7" version) (1981)
Fun Boy Three - Best Of Luck Mate (1982)
Haircut One Hundred - Ski Club (7" version) (1982)
Ago - Stop Your Life (1982)
Bananarama - Shy Boy (1982)
Extra T's - E.T Boogie (7" version) (1982)
The Style Council - Long Hot Summer (1983)
ESG - You Make No Sense (1983)
The RAH Band - Messages From The Stars (1983)
Diana Ross - It's Your Move (1984)
Lucky - Just Give It All To Christ (1985)
Junei - Let's Ride (1987)
George Michael - Kissing A Fool (1987)
Sade - Turn My Back On You (1988)
Gherkin Jerks - Strange Creatures (1989)
Ricky Smith - Phone System (1991)
Devo - Fountain Of Filth (1978/1992)
Big Drill Car - Surrender (1993)
Wamdue Kids - Hypnotize (1995)
Dopplereffekt - Voice Activated (1996)
Half Man Half Biscuit - Paintball's Coming Home (1997)
Coldcut - Atomic Moog 2000 (Bullet Train edit) (1997)
Larry Heard - Missing You (1999)
Cat Power - Ramblin' Woman (2007)
Menahan Street Band - Heartbeat (2008)
Donae'o - African Warrior (2008)
Kyla - Do You Mind (Crazy Cousinz Mix) (2008)
Depeche Mode - Ghost (2009)
Obviously ya host knew the Crazy Cousinz remix of Kyla's Do You Mind long before Drake besmirched it, but I was only up on the original version until I picked up this Crazy Cousinz U.K Funky compilation sometime in 2010.

Bonus beats: top 50 non-rap songs of the 2010s, IMHO.