Yeah, I'm enjoying Tony Shhnow in this zoomer Wiz Khalifa zone of his. Not so much Kush & OJ as Kush & Kenny G. Sax and violence is a Good Combination™ and that's word to Zoot the king of toot.
... and that day is today because there's now a CDQ upload of Jacka's G.O.A.T loosie Heavy Rain on YouTube. For doz who slept, this was a MySpace song which never appeared on any of his albums but has lived on as a tinny rip on YouTube. You can't go wrong with a Jacka song which combines the rain and pointin' guns at enemies, so it's a blessing to finally hear this classic as it should be heard.
The Jacka - Heavy Rain
(From MySpace; 2007/YouTube; 2021)
Who'll make like the Skinny Boys and rip the cut to MP3? I dunno how to do dat dere ever since Y2Mate.com went to internet Heaven. I should know the ropes but you're gonna have to hold my hand.
**EDIT** Cheers to the Anonymous commenter for the rip tip. MP3 here.
"Talkin' out ya ass wasn't really the right look
If we'd had Tweets mighta caught a two piece and a right hook
Pen and pad turned into the path that my life took
Sometimes I been mistook for a halfway crook because I'm a book you can't judge by the cover
I worked 9 to 5 during the come-up
Yo, I even was a teacher which was cool because I got to wild during the summer
It been while since I got a shorty number and then took her to the roof to get a hummer"
Homeboy Sandman - Come Thru
(From the vaults; 2016/the internet; 2021)
Much prefer this late-2021 loosie to Sandman's new 2022 single tbh. My favourite Rap egghead on some Ahmad type shit - a Back In The Day jam on 3 different levels since it's an unreleased song from 2016 which kinda sounds like a lost Fondle 'Em Records single from 1999. There's scienz of life in the old dog yet.
Press this song up on the cheapest quality vinyl, stick a fake Fondle 'Em logo on it, and then sell it to Cousin Balki for £500. Now that's what I call a mug shot.
Never in a month of Sundays would I have predicted that my first favourite Rap song of 2022 would be some Scouse Drill by Tin 'Ead from Brookside. It seems like every British city got they own AITCH, so here's the kid HAZEY aka Lil' Durk Kuyt aka John Arne Lil' Reese. Fair play, though, lah - that beat sounds like a Donae'O U.K Funky riddim and this scally has more personality than every boring London Drill rapper combined. If his beef with Sami Khedira seems hella random then consider this: it could be that he's carrying on the Liverpudlian tradition of Merseyside's O.G German hater Stan Boardman.
Stan Boardman - Aye Aye Ippy The Germans Bombed Our Chippy
(From Aye Aye Ippy The Germans Bombed Our Chippy single; 2006)
T.I. - Rubber Band Man
(From Trap Muzik album; 2003)
I wanna talk to you, shorty, because you be trippin' sometimes. It ain't a doubt in my mind that Trap Muzik had one of the best singles trifectas of all time. Ain't shit harder than 24's; smarter than Be Easy; more heart than Rubber Band Man; don't argue with me, reader.
Coulda been a perfect quadruple if Let's Get Away wasn't the fourth single. What began as a smooth jam for hoes with gold teeth and hoes with good credit quickly became Tip's perversion on wax. My man put the T.I into T.M.I on that song. Damn, son - T.I. was Brad J in the streets but J. Cole between the sheets.
Never forget the Planez verse, never forgive it either.
Nef The Pharoah's San Francisco sidekick probably chose the name Scando The Darklord to stay on-brand, but my man's moniker makes it sound like he's a Black Metal bork who sacrifices Cats to Satan. The name he should have chosen is Blapstar The Second because that's precisely what he is in the pantheon of Mac Dre mini-me's. Here at The Martorialist we fux with with Hexes & Jinxes because it's a catchy little slice of Alright, Alice-core where Scando curses his ex with Voodoo and then coaxes his video-hoe into the Videodrome.
18 days into the new year and I prefer 2021 songs I've recently discovered to any 2022 shit I've heard so far. Talk about a dry January.
Kriss Kross - Jump
(From Totally Krossed Out album; 1992)
It wouldn't be January without at least one nostalgia list from ya host. In no particular order of preference, here's my top 50 Rap songs of 1992. This was the year where it became explicitly apparent that the 80s was over and things done changed. Are there glaring omissions from this list? Probably, but they definitely weren't recorded by Das EFX.
You, a square: I love Cloud-Rap. Me, a connoisseur: I'm a Earth's Atmosphere-Rap man, myself.
Traxamillion - Spaceship
(From the internet; 2008/Traxamillion DID IT TOO! mixtape; 2012)
On one hand, I love discovering an old song that rocks my world. On the other hand, it makes me sad when the old song coulda lowkey rocked the world but got lost in ZShare loosie MP3 oblivion. Spaceship coulda been a contender, it coulda been somethin' like a NorCal equivalent of Jackie Chain's Rollin'. This shit might be the most BAYTL song Traxamillion ever recorded - no mean feat when you consider he produced Futuristic Swag era B.o.B. Fabo saw spaceships on Bankhead, Traxamillion saw spaceships in San Jose and he didn't even have to use the James Lick telescope.
One of the most remarkable things about Rap is its magical ability to make blokey car-talk sound exotic. Other people's cars are as boring a topic as other people's dreams, so when some rando in the pub starts talking to me about his motor I glaze over in 15 seconds flat, yet when a rapper does it in a song I'm hanging off every word for dear life like Hans Gruber. Call it Rap's whip appeal.
Tony Shhnow - Sometimes
(From Kill Streak 2 album; 2021/YouTube: 2022)
**M&S advert voice** This is not just my favourite Tony Shhnow song since F*ckwitcha, this is my favourite Tony Shhnow song since F*ckwitcha that's also the best Wiz Khalifa song since Smoke Chambers.
Wiz Khalifa - Smoke Chambers
(From Taylor Gang 2 mixtape; 2015)
Wiz Khalifa made a Mac DeMarco sample sound fly and was listening to Max B when people thought Saigon was gonna save New York. Ya favourite rapper could never.
Life's a biiiaaatch the way Coolio is remembered as a one hit wonder, especially when the one hit he's remembered for is #actually his third best hit. Get a calculator, do the math: Gangsta's Paradise gets in where it fits in at number three behind Fantastic Voyage and Coolio's hit single ne plus ultra Too Hot. Only a G-Funk backdrop and a J.T Taylor chorus could turn the topic of STD's into a Pop-Rap classic. Before Too $hort told the turf to Burn Rubber, Coolio implored the lads to wear one.
Coolio ft. J.T Taylor - Too Hot
(From Gangsta's Paradise album; 1995)
Gangsta's Paradise woulda been relegated to Coolio's fourth best hit if Tommy Boy had dropped the extended version of Aw Here It Goes as a single. It's a Hardy Boy mystery why the label never released that shit on 12", and a Nancy Drew mystery why it only exists on the European CD of Coolio's greatest hits.
Any good late-career Coolio singles I should know about? If so, hold my hand and take me to the promised land.
You thought 2021 had been consigned to the attic to gather dust forever ever? Au contraire, mon square - there's still gems to discover and discuss; gems like my favourite Saweetie-core song thus far. That beat has had me rewinding this shit like what? Like a simp! So much current Rap is accidentally Cadillac On 22z inspired that it's a Saweet surprise to hear a Like A Pimp interpolation instead.
YRB NY - Replace Me
(From Replace Me single; 2021)
But why does a lass from San Francisco have NY in her name? It's a mystery, Scooby Doo. The only New York thing about this song is the puppet dance at 2:13 made famous by the Chicken Noodle Soup video.
Robocop stunna shades on to hide my sadness at Traxamillion's death. Now there was a producer who knew how to crank out Slap Tremendos, Slap Anthemos and Slap Classicos. Trax's solo shit was underrated too because he had songs like 808 In It which shoulda gone Slapinum With No Features™ (edit: or maybe not lolz. Still love this song tho.)
Traxamillion - 808 In It
(From Ridin' High mixtape; 2007)
Traxamillion needs to go down in history as the only producer to make a legitimately great Rap song with Travis Barker on percussion. In fact, 808 Re-Drum might have invented Swag-Slap and should have been a Blog-Rap hit.
Traxamillion ft. Travis Barker - 808 Re-Drum
(From Radio album; 2012)
Fly like a Pterodactyl, Traxamillion's off to a higher plane. Rest easy in the Baytrix, bruv.
Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Duke Deuce took a menswear turn for the worse by wearing a pair of Doc Marten books. Ban all crusty-punk clobber from Rap music IMHO.
"Baby take this L on the chin, 'Clef
Who got Vallejo crackin' again? Nef"
DJ Fresh & Nef The Pharoah - I Make It Make Sense
(From The Tonite Show album; 2021)
And who got Nef slappin' again? Fresh. That's not technically true since this is a DJ Fresh and DJ Chaz co-production, and last year's ABC registered a 707 on the Slap-O-Meter, but let's not get bogged down with details eh? It's a Romper innit. In fact, it's a Romp Tremendo.
Ain't gonna lie, I was bitterly disappointed my NorCal Rap/Strictly Come Dancing puns went flatinum. C'est la vie, I never got the chance to use Studio Tonioli.
East 17 - Stay Another Day
(From some East 17 album; 1994)
The boys from the Walthamstow roofer's choir still singing shit like Nate, this song stays ringing out on Christmas day.
If there's a glaring omission from my 101 best non-Rap singles of the 1990s list then it's Britain's last great Christmas song here. Tony Mortimer pulling strings like Phil Spector, Brian Harvey as the missing link between Aaron Hall and Aled Jones, Terry Coldwell in Kool Moe Dee's Star Trek shades looking like an 80s B-Boy graffiti character, and the other lad whose name nobody can remember givin' it large with R&B hands of death. Okay, so it's #actually a pop precursor to Z-Ro & Trae's 1 Night with added church bells and a video which resembles the snow globe in Citizen Kane, but it kept Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas Is You off the top of the U.K Top 40 singles chart in 1994. A Yuletide masterpiece which should be sung at Midnight Mass across the world.
From puffa jackets to jacket potatoes, the life of Brian Harvey. Fair play, though - my man was the British Bud "Grandmaster B" Bundy but he still cuffed Daniella Westbrook when she was fit.
For doz who thought Sandman was a one trick Pony, have a load of Homeboy's ark. Hold ya Horses before you hold ya head because the Cat is outta the bag with this one. To paraphrase some Fish-outta-water blogger, the Elephant in the room is that Homeboy Sandman is Rammellzee if he were born in 1980 and had emerged at the polar bear's toenails of the Fondle 'Em era, and it really gets my Goat when folk don't realise this. Used to feel I was on a wild Goose chase looking for jams from Sandman, but he's frequently been the Dog's bollocks these past two years.
"Bottles of Champagne, some shots, a few beers
I treat my dogs better than white people do theirs
I'm in a drop like a tear
But the engine sound like a pick-up
My roof can do a sit up
These hoes come outta nowhere like the hiccups"
Bruiser Wolf - Chess Move$
(From Dope Game $tupid album; 2021)
Hat tip to Fred for recommending this Bruiser Wolf album. So, Wolf is Danny Brown's sidekick and his musical M.O is that he's Suga Free in a Carhartt Duck chore jacket rather than a Cavalli 3/4 length Mink coat? I can dig that like Ben Byron's dog. It's a cold world and we could all do with more rappers bearing warm clobber. Gotta appreciate the #OutfitSynergy of Bruiser wearing a Superstar tracksuit in a song where he says "sold more white lines than Adidas." Pity the Superstar trackies have been shitty quality since 2017 when Adidas switched to cheaper materials and added the stupid white piping from the armpit to the collar. Holla if ya hear me, AthleisurewearHive.
Also very necessary is Bruiser's tragicom song about his mum being a baghead. Tears of sadness and laughter at the SAME DAMN TIME like the end of Planes, Trains and Automobiles.
"Pushed me outta the womb and left me when I was two
No first days at school or watchin' me jump the broom
I was ashamed when people asked me what Momma do
So I made up somethin' crazy like 'yeah, she work at the zoo!'
Can't trust women 'cause I couldn't trust you"
Bruiser Wolf ft. Apropos - Momma Was A Dopefiend
(From Dope Game $tupid album; 2021)
"I am you, but I ain't you
You left my dad bitter like grapefruit"
From Peter Crouch to Wavy Crockett, it's Maya Jama AKA The Murkle Woman.
Call me Marty McFly the way I'm takin' trips back-and-forth through time. Personally, I'd hate to be one of those fellas who only listen to old music because they've become trapped in their own past; conversely, I'd also hate to be one of those fellas who only listen to new music because they're desperate to be part of The Discourse™. Ya host is All Ears For All Eras because the True Connoisseur™ needs a balanced diet of old and new music. Like Yasmeen from Corrie said the other night, it's okay to look back as long as you don't stare.
Sonnnnnnn, I'm over 40
I don't wanna hear Rap that sounds like Playboi Carti
And I don't have a no-drums boner in me
What I love are songs by Eatem and Ezale, yeah
Sooooo, gimme new shit by Mac J, Mic T and Max B
Plus Cellski, Cootie and Cookiee
I'd never be seen dead wearing any Yeezys
Come on and read me...
Best old Rap songs which saw the light of day in 2021 IMHO:
KMD - Scrambled Eggs (1992 or 1993)
Sporty Thievz - Hot Pursuit (1998)
KLC ft. Mannie Fresh - No Place Like Home (2006)
Homeboy Sandman threw a strop a month or so back and deleted his YouTube account after an interview he did with some Covidiot grifter got removed. Alas, this meant his three recent Slice ofLife songs were self-wiped from t'internet like they were RIFF RAFF's MySpace n-bomb videos. Fortunately Sandman put them shits back up on Audiomack like it's 2015 again. File all 3 songs under 'Rammellzee if he were born in 1980 and had emerged at the arse-end of the Fondle 'Em era.'
Chucked the MP3s in a zip file and uploaded them HERE!
Told you this Fresh & Nef shit was some Saturday Night Fever '08 Hyphy. They tried to give the dance game to moshers and punks, it's like them lads never heard Disco or Funk, you can't tell me nothin' when I know I'm right, like a bow-legged gigger on a Stunna bike, Nef rode the track right.
DJ Fresh & Nef The Pharoah - Giggerz
(From The Tonite Show album; 2021)
Lemme take this opportunity to pitch a TV show: Strictly Turf Dancing, as judged by Craig Revel B.O.Rwood, Motsi Mac Buse, Shirley Bay Ballas, and Ant Banks DuBeke. As ideas go, it's a ten from Young L-E-N.
Master Ace - Me & The Biz
(From Take A Look Around album; 1990)
Boggles my mind that the brilliance of Me & The Biz was an accidental masta stroke - the song is a glorified reference track which ended up being released because Biz Markie and Marley Marl both refused to be in the same studio to record Biz's vocals. Masta Ace says he thinks the song would have been a bigger hit if Biz had appeared on it; perhaps, but it would have lost what makes it such a unique song, and Rap would be poorer without the Biz Markie puppet which was created especially for the video. Real talk, though - how'd everyone involved go to the trouble of making a Biz puppet, decking it out with the video's best outfit, and then do the song itself dirty by editing out the entire third verse? You bet that makes me real mad, don't it.
Crazy visions, BOOM: Ace pays tribute to The Diabolical by recording Me & The Biz part 2. There's no need to find a new beat because it's scientifically impossible to come up with a better backdrop for Ace's Bizisms than that Cymande sample.
