Drake it like a man

^^^ Odd Future fanboys finally redeem themselves years after flooding the YouTube comment boxes of Fam-Lay's Skrung Owt with terrible opinionz about how the beat was wasted until Tyler The Creator rhymed about sexual assault, Supreme hoodies, and shitty 2010 Rap blogz over it. Nah, space cadet - Pharrell's spookiest beat ain't the place for that.

PS: my best of Fam-Lay playlist is still colder than Polish feet.

Audio Wunn Part Two

Folks probably visit The Martorialist expecting opinionz about buzzin' regional Rappers like Yung Ro (the child gangbanger version of DaBaby?) or New York hipster media creeps like Eric Sundermann (that tubby lad who cucked Ernest Baker?) Hate to disappoint you but ya host is way more excited about discovering that the bloke who directed Milk Dee's Get Off My Log video uploaded an immaculate HQ version of it to YouTube a few years back. It's the man like Milk clear like H2O:

Milk ft. Big V - Get Off My Log
(From Never Dated EP; 1994/YouTube; 2015)


Very apt that Milk was doin' songs with Ad Rock & Mike D during this era. Partially because he's dressed like he just stepped outta the Beastie Boys' So What Cha Want video here, and partially because there should be kinship between Rappers who sound like Dan Ackroyd with his bollox trapped in a vice.

Bonus Milk Dee beats:

Eamon - Fuck It (I Don't Want You Back)
(From I Don't Want You Back album; 2004)


Drake is to Eamon what Y@k Ballz is to Cage.

Previously: Audio Wunn.

You down with Brits sayin' o-p-p? Yeah, you don't know me!

J Hus - Must Be
(From the internet; 2019)


Smoooooth operator, lad. Post-porridge J Hus back to life like Soul II Soul with bare winebar vybz for Caron & Jazzie and Sharon & Tracey alike. On one hand, the triumphant return of J Hus & Jae5 is a much welcome 2019 plot twist. On the other hand, there's nowt as sad as British blokes with stars & stripes in their eyes making songs about opps. If this Island must insist on doing Rap music then plz honour Roger's Profanisaurus and use our own slang, you blurts.

ARISE JACKIE O!

"I gotta pocket fulla crystals - to repel negativity
But I still got a pistol - for any excess energy
Some of my best friends is criminals - politicians & police the enemy
Save the Remy Martin for Papoose - because I only drink Hennessey
You Forest Gump n*ggas can't sit wit' me
Because I'm gettin' brains in the whip like Kennedy"

Mic Terror - Head In The Morning
(From Tall, Dark, & Gangster EP; 2019)


Of course the song produced by the guy behind Heaux Love Me is ya host's favourite track on Mic Terror's new EP - Mic Tre & Doc DaMindbenda is A Good Combination™. Moral of the song? Say your prayers, take your vitamins, and have a shower if you're expecting your partner to treat you like breakfast in bed.

Previously: Welcome to the Terrorzone and Welcome to the Terrorzone 2.

Audio Wunn

"Rosé sippin', man, these streets is hard
Rest in peace to Fat Ted, rest in peace Bernard
Remember when we was runnin' around in the yard
Now we in the Benz comin' down the boulevard
Never chase a broad, only chase bread
Disrespect the squad and you gonna taste lead
Always on my job so my kids stay fed
If I ain't with Rob I'm with Bigface Head"

A-Mafia - Wunn
(From The Good With The Bad album; 2019)


Tired: a genetically modified new Gang Starr album. Wired: a new A-Mafia song with big Milk Dee energy.

If Duke Da God had put together Dipset's equivalent of the Top Shelf 8/8/88 compilation (hosted by DJ Brucie B, natch) then this song woulda been Mafia Starski's contribution. Bust the running man not your brother man!

Previously: S/O to Giggs.

Beyond Comprehension or wot?

Gang Starr ft. Jadakiss - Rite Where U Stand
(From The Ownerz album; 2003)


When that Beastie Boys-soundin' posthumous A Tribe Called Quest album dropped, a buncha dry-eared randos on the Rap Internet were quick to proclaim it Tribe's 4th best album. DJ Premier just released a posthumous Gangenstein MonStarr album and of course the same dry-eared randos are already claiming it's a better Gang Starr swansong than The Ownerz. Headz always wanna flip the script into a heartwarming happy ending, but factz is factz: real Guru & Primo songs will always be better than DJ Solar-era Guru offcut acapellas bolted onto bunglesome 2019 Primo beats which sound indistinguishable from their Statik Selektah knock-offs. There are no songs on this new Gang Starr album only glorified Pro Tools experiments relying on good-faith nostalgia, and an album containing guest verses from J. Cole and Talib Kweli can NEVER be better than The Ownerz. Never? NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!

Gang Starr - Sabotage
(From The Ownerz album; 2003)


Previously: Hard To Care.

Generic list post: October 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Drew Millard had one of the best top fives that BBC best Hip Hop songs poll thing. Is it time for a critical reevaluation of the Millardmeister?

2Pac - Letz Get It On (Ready 2 Rumble) (O.G version) (1996/2019)
Sada Baby - Lame (2019)
BandGang Lonnie Bands ft. ShittyBoyz - Simba (2019)
A-Mafia - Riding Alone (2019)
The Egyptian Lover - 5¢ Camel Ride (Long Version) (2019)
Other notables: stoked to see Open Mike Eagle's Single Ghosts finally getting blessed with a video; the challenge remix of Eatem's Whoop Sum turned out to be a better video than song; gave JPEGMAFIA's new album a spin and was reminded why I can't listen to ANY rapper who wears Doc Marten boots; was gonna peep Danny Brown's new album until I saw El-P appears on there which resulted in a flashback to the Godawful Huzzah remix; is 645AR's Bible & A K the birth of Eunoch-Rap?

Bonus beats deluxe: the best Rap songs of the 2010s, imho.

S/O to Giggs

If you're talkin' The Hardest™ then A-Mafia better pop up in your thoughts as an artist. And if you're talkin' The Martorialist then plz refer to our A-Mafia playlist on Audiomack. Here was ya host thinking that the G.O.A.T Harlem henchman Rapper was done & dusted after he got pinched for beak distribution earlier this year, but he's back like he never left to leave your speakers covered in red like a portion of chips.

"I'm just riding alone
In the armrest is where I'm hiding my chrome
I gotta lotta shit goin' on inside of my dome
Don't even feel safe when I'm inside of my home"

A-Mafia - Riding Alone
(From YouTube; 2019)


Bonus beats: Riding Alone is this Maferf*cker's first song since My Boy 4 years ago.

"I'm the 40th don with the gaudiest charm
Balled so hard in the streets n*ggas called me Lebron
Beef is surely upon, read my story in psalm
Kidnap your brother, your sister, your shorty, your moms"

A-Mafia - My Boy
(From YouTube; 2015)

He's the hairy headed gent who ran amok in Project Blowed

"You post online and you haunt with that
You both dead and alive like a quantum cat"

Open Mike Eagle - Single Ghosts
(From Soundcloud; 2017/What Happens When I Try To Relax EP; 2018/YouTube; 2019)


Fresh for Halloween you (blood)suckers, there's now a video for that spooky Open Mike Eagle song with a longer lifespan than The Lost Boys. Since 2017 this song has returned to haunt me each Halloween like a poltergeist McRib, and I ain't too ghoul for school to not post it thrice now it's been brought back to life again on the visual tip like Amityville 3-D.

Related: if Michael Jackson is now too #problematic for pub parties then can Werewolves Of London replace Thriller as the Halloween Anthem Ne Plus Ultra™? Wolfman's got nards! He's also got way more bangers than an army of zombies.

Warren Zevon - Werewolves Of London
(From Excitable Boy album; 1978)


Yo son, I had crazy visions, check it out, BOOM: a JD's Ghostin' skit. "I ain't never been ghosted like that I used to do the ghostin'. OkCupid was mah spot!" etc.

Comme Detroit Garçons

"And I might just scam you, bro
Put a shell in his back - Michelangelo"

BandGang Lonnie Bands ft. ShittyBoyz - Simba
(From YouTube; 2019)


Via Ray Garraty. For a song that only lasts 2 and a half minutes, this track sure slaps with a lorra lorra synergy and packs a lorra lorra punchlines from the 4 lads involved. Now that's what I call Maximi-zing! More impressively, it even justifies the existence of Comme des Garçons' corny diffusion line with ShittyBoy BabyTron's "Play hoody on the only time that my heart gon' show" line. Perfect **Mic Drop** moment to end the song or wot?

Not quite my fave Detroit song of the month, mind. That'd be Sada Baby's 2k19 equivalent of LLYGMISTA innit.

"Choppa and a Glock the size of Andy Milanokas, n*gga
I sip lots of Wakie and my pockets got that gwop up in 'em
I dont f*ck with thots most of them blocked after my cock up in 'em
It's a buncha snakes up on your squad, how is you rockin with 'em?"

Sada Baby - Lame
(From YouTube; 2019)

Martorialist Elegance: Make The Trap Say Too-Rye-AYE!

JPEGMAFIA sez: Come On Eileen!

Gave JPEGMAFIA's All My Heroes Are Cornballs album a listen and was instantly reminded why I categorically do not fuxwit Rappers who wear Dr. Martens boots. Much like septum-rings, Doc Martens are for baby-mommas and sweaty moshers, and I humbly opine that there should be no place for them in Rap music or The Culture™. Perhaps it's #problematic for some white wanker to suggest that contemporary black brehs who wear D.M boots are weirdo wrong 'uns, but the evidence stacks up like dirty dishes: Kid Cudi, Theophilus London, A$AP Rocky & his rapey m8 A$AP Bari, Ian Connor, Travis Scott, Chris Brown, Vic Mensa, and JPEGMEFIA. As Ice Cube coulda said - Irrefutable, baby!

What's gone wrong in the black community that it's now acceptable to dress like the worst sort of white ppl ever AKA crusties? Mans thought they were swaggy when really they were Swampy.

Once upon a time on the Rap part of YouTube...

Ice Cube ft. Lil' Russ - A Gangsta's Fairytale
(From AmeriKKKa's Most Wanted album; 1990/YouTube; 2006)


One of YouTube's first and best fan-made videos. So good, in fact, that it inspired another Cube fan to make a video for Gangsta's Fairytale 2 in 2009.

Ice Cube ft. Lil' Russ - A Gangsta's Fairytale 2
(From The Predator album; 1992/YouTube; 2009)


You, a square: Gangsta's Fairytale or Gangsta's Fairytale 2?

Me, a connoisseur: Lil' Russ or De La Soul's young'n Jeff?

Mack Daddy to the left of me, Baby Gangsta to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with youz.

The best Rap songs of the 2010s imho

Pour out a little Rumbullion for the decade of "Das Racist are important", "Nicki Minaj is the best Rapper alive", "RiFF RaFF is an artist we should take seriously outside of the TKO Capone songs he guested on", "Migos are better than The Beatles", "Young Thug is a human saxophone", "Travis Scott is the last Rockstar", "Joe Budden is an engaging multimedia personality with good opinions", and "Blueface is the best Rapper ever" versus "Blueface is the worst Rapper ever." On one hand, any decade where some insufferable c*nt like Drake can flourish was undoubtedly the worst decade of Rap to date. On the other hand, the 2010's was arguably the most diverse decade of Rap thus far. Truly, it was the worst of times, it was the best of times.

I helped the blog game, it ain't help me, I'm top 5 dead or alive and that's just off my post about Dozer's beef with Immortal Technique. Gimme a choo-choo train for the most badass tracks of the 2010s as according to ya host Messi Mart. Please believe this list has zero interest in Reflecting The Zeitgeist™ and is merely presented as a shrine to my own absolute favourite songs of the decade in one huge splurge of hyperlinx. It's lists like this which remind me that music bloggin' is basically DJing for people who can't be arsed learning how to DJ but still wanna inflict their taste on other people innit? The Martorialist is mah spot so I don't need any dry-eared randos tellin' me what songs I should have on my own damn list - take your suggestions, stick 'em in your own damn list, and keep it movin'.

Beeda Weeda - Bassrock Babies (O.G version) (2010)
Lil' Boosie - Top To The Bottom (2010)
Sean Price - Figure Four (2010)
Young Dro - Freeze Me (2010)
Curren$y - Michael Knight (2010)
Wiz Khalifa - The Kid Frankie (2010)
Dru Down ft. The Jacka - Hello Hello Hello (2010)
A-Mafia - 1000 Grams (2010)
Lil B - Good Morning (2010)
Young L - Young L-E-N (2010)
Roc Marciano - Ridin' Around (2010)
Gucci Mane - Normal (2010)
Waka Flocka Flame ft. Kebo Gotti - Grove St. Party (2010)
Soulja Boy ft. Gucci Mane - Pretty Boy Swag (Remix) (2010)
HBK Gang - She Ready (2010)
Travis Porter - Make It Rain (2010)
NhT Boyz ft. The Jacka - U Ain't From (2010)
$tarlito - Alright (2010)
Keak Da Sneak - Maxi Pads (2010)
Max Minelli - Louisiana Sky (2010)
Meek Mill ft. Young Chris - House Party (2011)
DB Tha General - Upgrade 'Em 2 (2011)
Kreayshawn - Gucci Gucci (2011)
Juicy J - Who Da Neighbors (2011)
LoveRance ft. IamSu & Skipper - UP! (2011)
Lady - Pussy (2011)
Bo Deal ft. Mello G Blanca - Safe Sex (2011)
Danny Brown - Lincoln Continental (2011)
E-40 ft. B-Legit & Stresmatic - Rear View Mirror (2011)
Mysonne - In Jail (2011)
Husalah - Da Mob (2011)
DJ Quik ft. Suga Free & Ty Dolla $ign - Nobody (2011)
Katie Got Bandz - I Need A Hitta (video mix) (2011)
Webbie ft. Lil' Phat - What's Happenin' (2011)
Rich Kidz ft. Young Thug - 100 Dollar Autograph (2011)
Sir Michael Rocks ft. Shorty K & Tris J - Too $hort Back (2011)
HD Of Bearfaced - 40 Glock USA (Remix) (2011)
Treal Lee & Prince Rick - Shoes Up (2011)
Tyga - Rack City (2011)
Fat Trel - Rolling (2011)
Ike Eyes - Blue Roxies (2011)
Lil' Phat ft. Mannie Fresh - Talk Some Mo' (2011)
Rich Boy - All I Know (2011)
Wooh Da Kid - I Prefer (2011)
Gunplay - Jump Out (2012)
Rick Ross - High Definition (2012)
Chinx Drugz ft. French Montana - I'm A Coke Boy (2012)
Mic Terror - Heaux Love Me (2012)
Fam-Lay - Clap Clap (2012)
Feva ft. Husalah & Franchise - Handsome (2012)
Jeezy ft. 2 Chainz - R.I.P (2012)
Ghost8800 - Sonic Boom (video mix) (2012)
Future ft. Casino - Karate Chop (2012)
Jackie Chain - So Throwed (2012)
Diamond ft. Juicy J & Jackie Chain - At The Bar (2012)
King Louie - Val Venis (2012)
Young Giftz ft. TREE - Nino (2012)
Clyde Carson ft. The Team - Slow Down (2012)
Alpoko Don - Get My Paypa Dog (2012)
Foxx ft. $hizz - 3rd Person (2012)
Mouse On Tha Track - Raise A Finger (2012)
Nicki Minaj ft. 2 Chainz - Beez In The Trap (2012)
Sage The Gemini - Red Nose (2013)
AZ - We Movin' (2013)
Lil' Wayne ft. 2 Chainz - Rich As Fuck (2013)
K Kutta - Lum Lum (2013)
Mystikal - Hit Me (2013)
DJ Mustard ft. Ty Dolla $ign & Joe Mo$e$ - Paranoid (2013)
Ezale - Foreal Foreal (2013)
Gzus Piece - Gimme That Cash (2013)
Project Pat ft. Juicy J - Never Be A G (2013)
ZMoney - Regular (2013)
Grip Plyaz - Ray Lewis (2013)
Young Thug - Stoner (2013)
Busta Rhymes & Q-Tip - Thank You (Kid Capri Remix) (2013)
P.Rico - Gladiator (2013)
Johnny Cinco - They Gave The Wrong Young N*gga Money (2013)
Sicko Mobb - Fiesta (2013)
Pablo Skywalkin' - All Facts (2013)
Boldy James - Moochie (2019)
Suga Free & Pimpin' Young ft. Nate Dogg - 15 Minutes To 5 (2013)
Z-Ro - Look Good (2013)
BeatKing - IONCAHH (2013)
Migos - Hannah Montana (2013)
Kevin Gates - Neon Lights (2013)
Speaker Knockerz - Lonely (2013)
Kap G - Fuck La Policia (2014)
J-Diggs - What Would Dre Say (2014)
YG - BPT (2014)
Fabolous - Lituation (2014)
TREE - Probably Nu It (2014)
Kid Ink ft. Usher & Tinashe - Body Language (2014)
Junglepussy - Bling Bling (2014)
K Camp - Oh No (2014)
Rae Sremmurd - No Type (2014)
The Jacka ft. Dru Down & Joe Blow - The President's Face (2014)
A-Wax - Trainwreck (2014)
5th Ward Weebie - Let Me Find Out (2014)
Rich Gang - Freestyle (2014)
Big Sean - Paradise (single version) (2014)
Lupe Fiasco ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Next To It (2014)
Shy Glizzy ft. DJ Drama - Funeral (2014)
Mr.2-17 - Strong Arm Flexxin' (2014)
Flo Rida ft. Sage The Gemini - GDFR (2014)
Heaven ft. Lil' Chris - Don't Shoot (2014)
Rich Homie Quan - Flex (Ooh, Ohh, Ohh) (2015)
Nef The Pharaoh - Big Tymin' (2015)
22nd Letter - Blunt On Me (2015)
Ampichino - The Eulogy (2015)
Kendrick Lamar - Alright (2015)
Level & Mouse On Tha Track - I Bet U Won't (2015)
Lil' Chris - God's Crying (2015)
Warren G ft. Nate Dogg - My House (2015)
Fetty Wap ft. Monty - 679 (2015)
Dr. Yen Lo - Day 22 (2015)
Young Devi D - Young Fly N*gga (2015)
Berner & The Jacka ft. Rydah J. Klyde - One Sound (2015)
Honey Cocaine - Honeydick (2015)
Paul Wall - Swangin' In The Rain (2015)
Bankroll Fresh ft. Boochie & Travis Porter - Walked In (2015)
Hardini - I'm Bick (2015)
70th Street Carlos ft. JMM Larry & SOG Sherwood Flame - Cross Me (2016)
Tink - Aquafina (2016)
French Montana ft. Kodak Black - Lockjaw (2016)
Yung Cat - You Ah Bitch (2016)
2 Chainz - MFN Right (2016)
Team Toon ft. Ya Boy Big Choo - My Hot Boy (2016)
Jimmy Wopo - Elm Street (2016)
Dreezy ft. Jeremih - Body (2016)
Uncle Murda - Cam'Ron Voice (2016)
NBA YoungBoy - 38 Baby (2016)
Ralo - Calm Down Ralo (2016)
Rittz ft. Mike Posner & E-40 - Inside Of The Groove (2016)
T.E.C & Maine Musik - Ain't No Comin' Down (2016)
OMB Peezy - Lay Down (video mix) (2016)
Quelle Chris - Buddies (2017)
WNC Whop Bezzy & 70th Street Carlos - Trell (2017)
Mozzy - Sleep Walkin' (2017)
Creek Boyz - With My Team (video mix) (2017)
Tay-K - The Race (2017)
Open Mike Eagle - Brick Body Complex (2017)
Queen Key - My Way (2017)
Baby Soulja ft. Boosie BadAzz - Dirty (2017)
Loc Choc - Fast Life (2017)
FMB DZ - Friday (2017)
Doughboyz Cashout ft. B. Ryan - This Is How We Move It (2017)
DaBoii of SOB X RBE - Onna Gang (2018)
Rico Nasty - Smack A Bitch (2018)
DJ Premier ft. Casanova - Wut U Said???? (2018)
Cash Kidd - Zorbas (2018)
P-Lo - Same Squad (2018)
Valee ft. Jeremih - Womp Womp (2018)
Sada Baby - LLYGMISTA (2018)
City Girls - Period (We Live) (2018)
Lil' Peep - Cry Alone (2018)
Jean Grae & Quelle Chris - My Contribution To This Scam (2018)
FBG Duck - Slide (2018)
Rich The Factor - Do It Gooba (2018)
BlocBoy JB - Mercedes (2019)
Duke Deuce - Yeh (2019)
Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Still Not Havin' It (2019)
Eatem - Whoop Sum (2019)
DaBaby - Walker Texas Ranger (2019)
Ether ft. Fivio Foreign & Mr. Swipey - WAKA (2019)
Peezy - New Car Smell (2019)
ShooterGang Kony - Charlie (2019)
Polo G - Deep Wounds (2019)
Lil' Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus - Old Town Road (remix) (2019)
Kokane - Doo Doo Headz (2019)
XanMan - Foulin' The Plug (2019)
The Egyptian Lover - 5¢ Camel Ride (Long Version) (2019)

Best old Rap songs to properly see the light of day this decade:
Bizzie Boyz - Brainstorm (1988/2011)
Lord Finesse - Inconsiderate Females (1989/2012)
LL Cool J - Year Of The Hip Hop (1991 or 1992/2011)
Spice 1 - Killa Days (1992/2014)
Camp Lo - Coolie High Is Life (1995/2016)
G. Dep - Blak N*gga (1996/2016)
Pete Rock - Street Dreams (instrumental) (1996/2019)
2Pac - Letz Get It On (Ready 2 Rumble) O.G mix (1996/2019)
Mac Dre - Pawns In The Game (1997/2014)
Casual - Who Do That? (1997/2016)
Juvenile ft. Big Tymers - Cash Money Gorilla (1998/2017)
Z-Man - Artistic Violence (1999/2012)
Young Bleed - Stamp On It (2006/2011)
Camu Tao - Plot A Little (2007/2010)
Max B - Take A Flick (2007/2013)
MF DOOM & Madlib - Avalanche (2009/2016)
T-Pain & Lil' Wayne - Listen To Me (2009/2017)

Best non-American Rap songs of the 2010s:
Giggs - Monsta Man (2011)
Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX - Fancy (2014)
MHD - Afro Trap Part 3 (Champions League) (2015)
Krept & Konan ft. Jeremih - Freak Of The Week (2015)
Nick Brewer ft. Bibi Bourelly - Talk To Me (2015)
New Age Muzik - Da Beat (2016)
21 Savage & Metro Boomin' - No Heart (2016)
Young T & Bugsey - No Mickey Mouse Ting (2016)
DJ Consequence ft. YCEE In A Benz (2016)
J Hus - Did You See (2017)
MoStack - Let It Ring (2017)
Donae'O - Black (Social Circles Remix) (2017)
Sneakbo ft. Giggs - Active (2017)
If anyone fancies putting the main list together as a streamable playlist then do it on YouTube rather than Spotify or any of the other DSPs. Why? Because all yer DSPs are currently missing the right mixes of Bassrock Babies, Freeze Me, I Need A Hitta, Paranoid, Fiesta, Thank You, Never Be A G, Lay Down, With My Team etc. If that ain't bad enough, all yer DSPs are also currently missing the tracks by Boosie, Foxx, Bo Deal & Mello G Blanca, Mysonne, Fat Trel, HD Of Bearfaced, Treal Lee & Prince Rick, Rich Boy, Wooh Da Kid, Mic Terror, Rick Ross, Grip Plyaz, Pablo Skywalkin, Rich Gang, 22nd Letter, Lil' Chris etc. A playlist without those songs ain't my list, so DON'T add my name to it.

Bonus beats: best non-Rap songs of the 2010s imho.

Bonus beats two: top 50 Rap late pass discoveries of the 2010s.

Bonus beats three: top 50 non-Rap late pass discoveries of the 2010s.

I think these corny indie fux tryna wind me up, maybe I'm just Paranoid?

Reasons why you should never trust Pitchfork part gazillion: their best 200 songs of the 2010s list features the Godawful B.o.B remix of Paranoid rather than the original Joe Mo$e$ version which Atlantic Records tried to shut down at the behest of T.I. This song's still good as fuck, Pitchfork's list is a boogawoof!

DJ Mustard ft. Ty Dolla $ign & Joe Mo$e$ - Paranoid
(From DJ Mustard's Ketchup mixtape; 2013)


Picture me EVER payin' to use Spotify or any other other DSP when none of them have the proper version of Paranoid.

Fun fun fun on the Cairo Autobahn

The Egyptian Lover - 5¢ Camel Ride (Long Version)
(From Beyond The Galaxy EP; 2019)


Ya host asked for an extended version of that killer interlude from Egyptian Lover's 2018 LP, and lo and behold here it is. Initially balked at the notion of an 8 minute instrumental until remembering that Lover Boi has form for showing his arse on extended 808 epics. In fact, 8 minutes is the ideal length because this is driving music to peel off on the tar in your cosmic car, fuck around and get your driver's licence from Mars.

Ancient Egyptians actually had flying cars, y'know. It's true - I heard it in a Ras Kass song.

Mighty Mike Tyson (no Spoonie Gee)

Heard by Seldon but seldom heard before, here's one for youz hardened 2Pac stans: the O.G version of that track he recorded for Mike Tyson to use as his entrance music for the infamous Bruce Seldon fight on September 7th 1996. There's been a couple of remixes of this which have emerged over the years, but this is the original mix with the beat which later got resold to Spice 1. Presumably the TruPac fanboy equivalent of Martin Shkreli finally got his hands on this and then leaked it a couple of days ago.

"All they see is black venom then my silhouette
Just watch the fear reappear in they eyes when I hit the set
Oh no, 2Pac wit' team Tyson, Seldon was seldom seen
Iron Mike cut his head like a guillotine"

2Pac - Letz Get It On (Ready 2 Rumble) (O.G version)
(2Pac's last recording session; september 6th 1996/the internet; 2019)


Sux that 2Pac died and we never got an Evander Holyfield response to this. Obviously it'd be produced by one of the Bad Boy Hitmen with lyrics penned by Biggie and ad libs from Puffy.

Added this to my 2010's golden oldies playlists of old tracks which have emerged this decade.

Generic list post: September 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when world's kept colliding in ever more unexpected ways. If only Jacob Rees-Mogg would take a nap on the third rail.

Eatem - Whoop Sum (2019)
BlocBoy JB - It's Bloc (2019)
Laroo THH ft. E-40 - HOG (2019)
Rio Da Young OG - Legendary (2019)
DJ Deeon - Point 'Em Out (1996)
Calvin Harris ft. Rag 'n' Bron Son - Giant (2019)
Other notables: couldn't even blame J. Cole for the "new" Gang Starr single being a snoozefest; as long as there's breath in my lungs I'ma opine that Milano has never topped Rep For The Slums, but Boulevard Author is close; Dungeon Family's Intentions could have been a new Follow The Light if Big Boi had given more sing-time to Sleepy Brown rather than That Weirdo Rapist Cee-Lo™; Wiz & YG's Shouldn't Matter flipping the G.O.A.T Paul Weller song is another example of world's colliding in ever more unexpected ways.

Related: why couldn't God have taken Sean Spicer rather than Jimmy Spicer?

Why couldn't God have taken Sean Spicer rather than Jimmy Spicer?

Breaker one, breaker two, Jimmy Spicer just died so let's make like Jeckyll & Hyde and do the do. Telephone or tell a friend that Jimmy was laying down "crazy space shit that don't even make no sense" on wax three years before Rammellzee's Beat Bop. When Spicer Magnetic claimed "planet Rhyme On is my place of birth" on Adventures Of Super Rhyme, it's not so much a boast as an explanation of how he appeared ex nihilo as Rap's first eccentric on wax. 1983's Money (Dollar Bill Y'all) is rightfully lauded as Jimmy's masterpiece, but it's his 1980 debut that cemented him as Rap's king of the yakety yak yard. For twelve minutes Jimmy the raconteur travels across time, space, Transylvania & Studio 54 in four different voices flipping labyrinthine storytelling rhymes to sound like freestyled stream-of-consciousness one minute, and then flipping clearly-improvised ad libs to sound like finely-honed writtens the next.

Jimmy Spicer - Adventures Of Super Rhyme
(From Adventures Of Super Rhyme 12"; 1980)


As well as being Rap's original oddball, Jimmy was also the first Rapper who didn't even need to release an album - why bother to record an LP when you've already dropped a couple of 10/10 timeless classic 12" singles with "more rhymes than a clock got chimes"? Jimmy Spicer: kinda like Jay Electronica, only actually good.

R.I.P to the O.G Super M.C. May your soul rhyme & roll in steree-eree-o forever ever.

Laroo like Danny

"That's his name? Or is it a nom de plume?"

Let's not even indulge Laroo's silly midlife-crisis rebrand as Hitta Slim. Instead, let's celebrate that he's found NorCal's two biggest blap-tremendo productions of 2019 thus far and consequently dropped his two best singles since 20 Bricks and Dip Wit' U. Laroo himself remains as serviceable as ever, but these tracks got the proverbial heavy tails like killer whales.

Laroo THH ft. E-40 - HOG
(From YouTube; 2019)



Laroo THH - Dog Lane
(From YouTube; 2019)


3 rules Rappers gotta follow if they expect anyone to take their rebrand seriously: they must flip their whole personality (Zev Luv X to MF DOOM), their O.G moniker must be commercially-doomed when attempting to launch a solo career (Tity Boi to 2 Chainz), or they must change their name early within the first 6 months of their career (WNC Carlos to 70th Street Carlos.)

MT Plays It Cool

"She love me long time 'cause I'm so special
She holdin' me and cryin' and she won't let go
Bad things come to an end sorta like Eckō, FUBU, and No Limit Apparel
Tell that n*gga Wale that we serious about our Harold's
Say somethin' 'bout Sharks and n*gga's gonna see the barrels"

Mic Terror - Heaux Love Me
(From YouTube; 2012)


File this under 'underrated jams which will feature in ya boy's Best Rap Songs of the 2010s list.' Cleo's Apartment by Marvin Gaye was always destined to be flipped into some fly Midwesternplayalistichickenshopmuzik and BJ The Chicago Kid clearly agreed. Word around Chi-Town, Drew Barber banned Mic Terror from the FakeShoreDrive office after he dissed Master P's clothing line on this song.

Bonus beats: another underrated 2012 Chicago jam which'll also feature in ya boy's end-of-the-decade list. Same energy as Heaux Love Me, but with a twist of TREE's Soul Trap™. Great unintentional video moment at 1:11 when one of the Windy City's infamous gusts blows Giftz man's cap right offa his head. His hat, it done took flight!

"Whip so sick I don't need to chain
2 white girls I don't need no 'caine, mane
Bitch so lame I don't need no game
Glock so big I don't need no gang
18 shots I don't need no aim
Cops roll round I ain't gon' slang
You can just call me Nino, mane"

Young Giftz ft. TREE - Nino
(From YouTube; 2012)

Hard To Care

Who gives a fuck about a new Gang Starr album comprised of unused Baldhead Slick-era Guru acapellas bolted onto a bunch of 2019 Primo beats when you can just listen to the G.O.A.T Gang Starr deeeeeep cut 14 times in a row instead?

Gang Starr - Doe In Advance (O.G version)
(From Hard To Earn sessions; 1994/12" single; 2000)


Wonder if Gang Starr even have any unreleased tracks? Primo would have had a fairly good idea what samples he couldn't get cleared, and most Rap groups back in't day just recorded what they needed to fill an album/12" single/soundtrack placement.

Remember when Guru was rumoured to be in a relationship with DJ Solar as was rumoured in the years leading up to his death? If the erstwhile MC Keithy E was gonna indulge in some arse-play with another bloke then he deserved a gay DJ on the level of Mister Cee as opposed to some shitty glorified Soundclick producer.

It's so rowdy in the Rouge part 2

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A post shared by Wh🥊🥊p Sum Challenge❗️ (@_eatem) on Sep 13, 2019 at 12:30pm PDT

1989 Stezo lives on in Eatem's acid-wash denim dungarees. Eatem is for the children (no Skullduggery) which is why he's bringing that Baton Rouge Brawl Music™ to high school pep rallys. I'm more of a Hit Da Drink Twice (Martorialist Edit) man meself, but I respect that Whoop Sum is Eatem's song currently goin' viral in the 70815 because Whoopin' is eternal like E. 1999.

"If I ain't never smoke a blunt and skip a class witcha
If I ain't never fuck a bitch and get a bag witcha
Then I ain't finna hit the club and act an ass witcha"

Eatem - Whoop Sum
(From the internet; 2019)

Martorialist Elegance: Put Ya Filas On!

No dancer, b - R.I.P Trouble T
Fila rock, kill a cop
2Pac's kinda like Steady B.

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A post shared by FILA FRESH LIFESTYLE (@filafresh) on Sep 16, 2019 at 5:06am PDT

My m8 Chinese John just got back from Cuba and said he saw 2Pac rockin' a pair of them Spice Girl lookin' Fila Disruptor IIs.

Clear & Present Ginger Part 2

Calvin Harris ft. Rag 'n' Bron Son - Giant
(From some upcoming Calvin Harris album; 2019)


David Zowie's House Every Weekend's reign on top was long like Calvin Harris' legs, but it's time we all accept that Giant has toppled Zowie's one moment of glory from its perch as the best ASOS Get The Look-House anthem of the 2010s. Youz see Calvin, Jimmy? The big wee bugger has got a funnel up his arse and a breeze between his ears, but in the past 12 months he's produced a banger for Donae'o, made Sam Smith listenable, and justified the existence of a Don't Flop rappa-ternt-sanga who's the Jihadi Jordan equivalent of Plan B meets Paul Shane.

True story, Giant's ten second crescendo from 3:09 to 3:19 never fails to make me wanna triumphantly pop off semi-automatic weapons into the sky like Stitches.

And then when the trumpet parps back up for the final chorus it's bare euphoric Boyz-on-RTE vybz.

One luv 2 Stephen Gately. Goodbye, Norma Jean...

Spoonie TeeVee

Been watchin' some of JayQuan's other Foundation Lesson videos since I caught wind of his Errol "Pumpkin" Bedward overview and of course the Spoonie Gee one is my fave. There's some nice little nuggets of info for us Spoon Spoon Spoonie Stans, JayQuan's conversational tone of narration is a refreshing change from certain other Rap historian YouTubers who have the oratory skillz of Kevin Kilbane on Match of the Day, and Spoonie's story is wrapped up in the same amount of time it takes Lord Jamar to fume about poofters in a standard VladTV video.


Speakin' of Vlad, let's talk about this recent piece of quality journalism. China Mac? More like China's Packin' A Mac In The Front Of The AZN amirite.

B Section

"If I wasn't a felon I pro'lly woulda ran for the mayor
I can't get lost 'cause I got this cash, I make a money trail
What's for sale? I got junkies at the door from Delaware
Got a freaky bitch she walk around the house in underwear
Everytime I pull my dick out, man, your know her tongue is there"

BlocBoy JB - It's Bloc
(From YouTube; 2019)


Plz believe I'm using It's Bloc as the B-side to Mercedes. Reeeewind for my favourite BlocBoy JB song to date:

"John Wall, Wizard
Dan Buehler, kick ya
We don't shake no hands with the opposition, n*gga
LA Clipper
Eastside Cripper
Keep playin' with my dogs 'til I make 'em go and sic ya"

BlocBoy JB - Mercedes
(From I Am Me album; 2019)