Other notables: I'm not particularly fond of Sauce Walka or drumless Rap songs so I'm surprised R.I.P Buddy made its way into my rotation; the Max B & Giggs song should have happened in 2009; listened to Duke Deuce's Soldiers Steppin' and came to the conclusion that I'm bored of his Crunk revival songs now; I'm assuming Kap G wrote Lil Nas X Holiday because the first time I heard it I genuinely thought it was a new Kap song; Thirstin Howl III's Return Of The Polorican is a better #Menswear advert than song imho.
Perfection ft. Snoop Doggy Dogg - Understand Perfection
(From the Please Pass The Mic compilation; 1992)
Perfection is perfected so now I finally understand what Snoop's line on Nuthin' But A "G" Thang meant. Pre-The Chronic Doggy Dogg from the L.A Gangsta-Rap cassette tape netherworld. Same Grover Washington sample as Played Like A Piano but with a tad more tinkling of the keys. Fun fact: the "one n*gga who decided to leave and get his rap on elsewhere" Snoop is throwin' salt on during his first verse was none other than Domino.
MP3 here for anyone who wants it like this, like that, and like this and uh.
What if Get Retarded was the A-side of Craig Mack's one 12" as MC EZ and it became a big golden-era hit, consequently changing Mack's whole career trajectory? Crazy visionz, check it out, BOOM: Fresh Records then had MC EZ & Troup record an album in 1989 and the duo begin rollin' with RUSH management alongside fellow Fresh roster groups EPMD and Nice & Smooth. Thus, EZ & Troup follow EPMD and Nice & Smooth over to Def Jam when Fresh Records folds in 1990 where they release another couple of successful albums in the following years. Fate conspires that Mack still records Flava In Ya Ear, Get Down etc, but they're MC EZ songs on Def Jam songs rather than Craig Mack songs on Bad Boy - ergo, the Flava In Ya Ear remix features Redman in Biggie's place and Making Moves With Puff is now titled Making Moves With Russ.
In this parallel trajectory, Puffy still signs another former Fresh Records roster member who's spent the early 90's in Rap's wilderness - Stezo who has now rebranded as Stephen Williams. Hmmm not sure that woulda worked out for Bad Boy tbqh.
"Nah, now I ain't on your level
But can I ask you a question - why you make the Devil?
Me, I wouldn't make my own enemies
And for every fatal disease I'd make remedies
Switch George W. with John F. Kennedy
He in the drop-top enjoying the weather
Laura Bush got brain on her sweater
I like that pic a bit better"
Mic Terror - If God Was Mic
(From the internet; 2008)
Much like Hoopty Music, If God Was Mic is an early Mic Terror song which really shoulda been a single. In a perfect universe it woulda been the If I Ruled The World of the late-MySpace/early-blog Rap era; in my universe it's a #MicTerrorHive classic. Slick Rick-level songwriting which contains multitudes and my personal favourite use the Go On And Cry loop courtesy of Gzus Piece who was a producer before he started rhyming. How much do I love this song? Like Tyson loves Cus D'Amato!
"I go stupider
I ain't came from Mars, I came from Jupiter
I wanna Cupid her
Baby got them buns I'm bout to doop in her
I'm boopin' her
If she say she Blood then I'm Woopin' her
Gotta strap it up 'cause I ain't tryna leave no troop in her"
Stack Dough - Chicken
(From YouTube; 2021)
SF robo-slap by some breh with a NOLA accent and an IT mask. This shit coulda done with a hook but I fuxwit it regardless. Fed this song into the trusty old audio-to-image converter here at Martorialist HQ and this is what came out:
The year was 1985, ya host was eight & 1/2 years old, and Run-D.M.C's performance of King Of Rock at Live Aid on TV was one of the pivotal moments where Rap music went from being something which was vaguely within my orbit via Roland Rat and Herbie Hancock to being the centre of my cultural universe alongside BMX bikes, amusement arcades, and Cadbury's cream eggs. Run-D.M.C & Jam Master Jay were a leather tracksuited star-shaped peg in Live Aid's hexagonal hole of stone-washed earnestness: they sounded like nothing the kid Marty had ever heard before and they were even cooler than the hoodlums in Michael Jackson's Beat It video. That was the night everything changed...
Thirty six years later and I still give Run-D.M.C half the credit that I've always preferred Adidas to Nike. The other half is down to Adidas Superstar tracksuits being the G.O.A.T #Athleisurewear. Wearing a slim-fit Adidas Superstar trackie to the pub on a Tuesday night to watch some Champions League football is an #AthleisurewearEra power move which makes you feel like King Cosy Boy (ask Valee!) Wearing a Nike Jordan trackie to the same pub on the same night to watch the same football, however, makes you look like you've just been to sign on the dole and makes you feel like you should be slobbing out at home on the sofa instead.
Related 80's: pour out a lil' Kraken for Ed "Duke Bootee" Fletcher. Who got the props? Alas, not Duke even though he was the Pumpkin of Sugar Hill Records, the genius behind The Message who then had his name scrubbed from the song's credits and his verses rapped by Furious Five members in the video, and the producer behind such tuff drum-machine era classix as Z-3 MC's Triple Threat and Word Of Mouth & DJ Cheese's King Kut and Coast To Coast. Credit is due.
First good Rap song of 2021 IMHO. Alabama's hoodrat Angelica from Rugrats on a Trading Places life switcheroo. Seriously, if they don't spoof Eddie Murphy's G.O.A.T movie for the video to this one then it's a complete waste of the song's concept.
The paradox of Vybz Kartel is that the Worl' Boss™ often sounds like he's from another planet: he's spent the past 7 years rotting inside a jailcell in Jamaica yet he's still sneakily recording new songs which sound like alien transmissions from Jupiter. If that reads like swanky-arse hyperbole to you it's only because this song sounds like a space-age riddim to me innit.
"If you give me less than 5 for a feature you gettin' a lazy verse
My n*gga Hell gave me what I want, I gave him a Slim Shady verse
12 racks for the Cuban, you n*ggas act stupid
Bitch, I ain't lookin' for no love, I'll whack Cupid"
Hellboy Rodd ft. Rio Da Yung OG - Talk Yo Shit
(From YouTube; 2020)
Top 5 reasons why this is ya host's favourite Rio Da Yung OG double-act track since Movie: cognisance of each other's presence on the song, genuine chemistry between both rappers, the impression that neither artist is just spittin' the first thing to spring to mind during their first take, none of Rio's gross rhymes about sex, a beat which slaps like bacon on a biscuit.
Cookiee Kawaii - Vacation
(From Club Soda Vol 2 album; 2020)
File this under '2020 choonz which hit even harder during England's cold, grey, damp national lockdown of 2021.'
Not only is this the ultimate Winter of our Discontent™, this is the ultimate winter of my disconnection. Thus, I find meself washing up on the Jersey Club shore again searchin' for jams. Cookiee Kawaii's Vacation is my favourite J.C find to date: a JeR&Bsey ode to the soul-cleansing reset of a good holiday that's more song than track but still retains the brevity, booty-chatter™ and BPM of the other Jersey Club bangers which have tickled my pleasure centre. If Ryanair don't use this song to soundtrack one of their annoying "Get yer Covid vaccination jab and maybe you plebs can go on holiday!" adverts then the company's entire marketing department should be sacked, imho.
Cookiee Kawaii's Vibe (If I Back It Up) seems to have been the biggest Jersey Club song of 2020 and was bestowed with the musical mark of Cain that is a Tyga remix. If Vacation ever follows a similar trajectory then let's hope someone more suitable gets to hop on the remix - someone like Flo Milli.
The super scientific smart-arse Jewish Percee P with scatological jokes - not a particularly tempting notion on paper, but Edan's music is undoubtedly thee dookie when banging through ya speaker. Edan found his niche in Rap's ecology with top quality even though so many of his best songs weren't included on either of his official albums, so I've made a compilation of my personal favourites. Effortless emphasis on the retro-futurist auteur tip, this playlist is designed to piss on a pessimist. Basically, don't front on the Portnoy!
Edan - Deep Cuts
1. The E's Have It ft. Skillz Ferguson (1999)
2. Migraine (O.G mix) (1999)
3. Drop Some Smooth Lyrics (2001)
4. Adrenaline Rush ft. Skillz Ferguson (2001)
5. Dope Rhymes For Sure (2001)
6. Clinical Rhymes ft. Skillz Ferguson (2002)
7. Schoolly D Knew The Time (2002)
8. Emcees Smoke Crack (remix) (2002)
9. I'll Come Running Back To You (2002)
10. Rap Beautician (2002)
11. Funky Rhyming (2005)
12. Real Bad Promo (2018)
It's a pity Edan & Skillz Ferguson only recorded three tag team tracks together innit? Edan dubbed himself the One Man Arsenal on some Robin Van Persie circa 2008/2009 type shit, but his back-and-forth chemistry with Ferguson was always pure Double Trouble energy.
Plz excuse the slightly tinny sound quality of those first two tunes. The petition to get a remastered reissue of Edan's 1999 debut CD-R Artchitecture starts here! Mike Lewis, where ya at?
Kwest Tha Madd Ladd - I Met My Baby At V.I.M.
(From This Is My First Album LP; 1996)
Wait a motherf**kin' minute, true facts presented: Kwest Tha Madd Ladd's I Met My Baby At V.I.M. beat DOOM's Red & Gold to the Shoot 'Em Up Movies sample by a couple of years. The best Rap song about falling in love with a shop assistant at the mall? Possibly. The best Rap song to detail the embarrassment of having a fat hole in your sock when you're trying on kicks in a shop? Definitely. Shoulda been a single because they coulda brought the song's story to life with a lotta lotta laughs in the video.
That intro skit where Kwest and his m8 are arguing about the best song on Bizarre Ride II the Pharcyde tho eh? C'mon now, lads - the #actual answer is Officer.