Wednesday 24 December 2008

I wonder if Bobby Hundreds has ever heard Cocaine In The Back Of The Ride by UGK?

"Bust a nut on their stomach
wash my dick in the sink
then buy a 40 from store from the godamn chink!"

UGK - Cocaine In The Back Of The Ride

The original superior version from The Southern Way in 1988, natch'.

Perhaps if he had he might not be so eager to lace Bun B with a plethora of free Hundreds gear and hook up with him for an inevitable t-shirt collaboration:

Tuesday 16 December 2008

What's the 411, hon'?

Ayo, you got it goin' on, hon'.

Diamond D once rapped how he'd like to "Push in the bush and i don't mean George" but here at The Martorialist we'd rather push it in a bit of posh who can tell you whether your old grandad's war medal is a genuine St. George like Catherine Southon AKA the bird who pops up in pretty much every BBC show about antiques.

A quick google tells us that Catherine's particular field of expertise is 19th century instruments of both the scientific and musical variety, which is the weirdest coincidence because we've got a vintage blue veined flute we'd like her to check out. We're not sure if it's a genuine 19th century artefact but perhaps she could determine its origin by giving it a quick blow?

Sunday 14 December 2008

My wife is all i have...

..her dick, her balls, her hairy ass.

Styles P plus his and his wifey.

AKA a waxwork version of Sol Campbell in a wig.

I just don't get it. Most of these guys start rapping to become rich and pull top-tier pussy but you see pictures of everyone from Slick Rick to Cam'Ron to DMX to Fabolous to Krs One with their wives and they're always post-operation tranny lookin' wildebeests. What parta the game is that, yo?

Styles P & Pharoahe Monch - My Life

Tuesday 9 December 2008

Martorial elegance # 6

Y'know, what the cold, grim north needs right now is more suburban shopping complexes full of dudes who look like Cam'Ron and The Diplomats circa the Dipset Anthem/I Really Mean It video.

Y'all whiggaz dreamed it, we seened it : leather so soft New-Era, possibly the most O-T-T Evisu denim ever (and to think the author of Casuals called the majority of Evisu kecks "ostentatious tip-ex arsed jeans" that are "a badge of convenience for tossers everywhere"), a coke-white Avirex and, the pièce de résistance, fake Gucci-print Jordans which have the Alpo -o- meter registering its highest reading to date.

It's Harlem, baby, and i think the security guard just saw you drop a Kit Kat wrapper - SQUALAY!

Pic provided by Killa B again.

Wednesday 3 December 2008

Jim Jones talks fashion

"Them dudes be talkin' about they swagger - nobody copies the Jay Z or T.I look but they damn sure copy me. Remember when bitches was asking they hairdressers for the Rachel cut? I'm in that Jennifer Aniston zone, them dudes is Lisa Kudrow!"