Friday 30 September 2016

Interrogation room I'm on mute, plus I'm senile

"I'm 16, got more money than your baby daddy
That's why I left a dirty condom in the car seat of the Cadi'"

J. Stalin - West Oakland N*gga
(From the forthcoming On Behalf Of The Streets Part 2 album; 2016)

"I don't want no Commies in my car" is a code to live by with regards to what gets play on your motor's stereo, but here at The Martorialist we're willing to make an exception for the breh breh babyface Stalin on those occasions when he's anchored by The Mekanix or DJ Fresh (or E-A-Ski & CMT if we wanna go way back to 2004.) Favourite slap tremenski by the 10th Street Tzar since Instagram Gangstaz.

Thursday 29 September 2016

Generic list post: September 2016

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when KanYe West and Kid Cudi argued about who wore skinny jeans first. The Cool Kids #actually predated everyone on this tip, and I'm 100% positive of this because of a 2007 message board thread about them where Will High was horrified to see rappers wearing tight kecks. That thread and the old Cool Kids MySpace page are long since lost to internet redesigns, but the Black Mags video from 9 years ago lives on as proof.

Slick Rick - Star Trek (1991)
King Louie - We Like To Party (2011/2016)
Tink - Aquafina (2016)
Ezale - Stop Come On (2016)
Yung Cat - Same N*ggas Who Popped Me (2016)
WNC Carlos - Keep A Glock (2016)
WNC Da Label - Who You Playing With (2016)
Big Baby D.R.A.M - Cash Machine (2016)
Tinashe - Company (2016)
Ty Dolla $ign - Stealing (2016)
DâM-FunK - Hazy Stomp (2016)
Spice - Siddung (2016)

Other notables: Mozzy's Messy Murder Scenes, Lil' Chris' Public Housing and DJ Quik's Black Friday are all songs I like but have to be in a certain mood for; Go Crazy is the only one of those 3 new T.E.C & Maine Musik songs I kinda dig and I'm far more excited about a possible sequel to Social Media Gangsta; Chinx's Crown Royal is the song French's Ocho Cinco should have been; Nef The Pharaoh's new mixtape doesn't deserve to be thought of a anything more than a bunch of songs which weren't good enough to make his album; Always Something has been my shit but the rest of A-Wax's new LP Pushin' Keyz sounds pretty stale and he should probably take a break from using Non-Stop as his main producer.

Wednesday 28 September 2016

Breaking news: Yanks still mad that Fancy was the biggest rap song of 2014!

If there's one rapper who isn't allowed to take potshots at Iggy Azalea, it's the guy who took Kitty Pryde on tour and then fawned over Anthony Fantano with her. Get back in the car, Danny.

Remember when I wrote the best Iggy Azalea think piece of all time? I can hold you down like I'm givin' lessons in tying me Kangaroo, sport.

Tuesday 27 September 2016

DāM, homie...

DāM-FunK - Hazy Stomp
(From Architecture EP; 2016)

This latest DāM-FunK track ain't exactly a brand new slap that'll park you like a Cadillac, but it's definitely the type of fonk Suga Free could spit gospel about puttin' birds on the track to. Some days, however, all you need is a lush groove that's free from other people's words and worldviews. Also see:

DJ Fresh - Interlude of the Funk
(From Ezale & DJ Fresh's Tonite Show album; 2016)

Am I correct in thinking that the DJ Fresh track sounds more like DāM-FunK than the DāM-FunK track itself?

Monday 26 September 2016

I tink I love her

"Peepin' you and you peepin' me and I wanna give you this & some
Guaranteed that by the time you leave you'll be singin' 'bout it like an anthem
Would it be right, if I stay the night, give it all to you?
And I'm not in love, but I feel a buzz, it's what I wanna do"

Tink - Aquafina
(From Winter's Diary 4 mixtape; 2016

Capital C Choon alert. If you mentally change that "if I let you hit this cup you'll be saucy as Post Malone" lyric in the 2nd verse to "if I let you hit this cup I'll be sauceless like Post Malone" then Aquafine is the closest Tink has ever gotten to Waviness. The only thing more depressing than blk lasses sweatin' A$AP Folky is blk lasses sweatin' Milkavelli AKA the son of a banker-turnt-an unholy British hybrid of Yung Lean & Lil' Ugly Mane. Tumblr unleashed so many horrors which still linger in the internet's grubbiest outposts.

Sunday 25 September 2016

So face reality, black, you're on Star Trek

Slick Rick - Star Trek
(From The Ruler's Back recording sessions; 1991)

Like Captain Caveman, Star Trek is one of those bugged-out concept songs Slick Rick recorded with Vance Wright for The Ruler's Back album which didn't see the light of day until the mid noughties. There's an also-unreleased Large Professor mix which tends to be considered the official version by yer boom-bap experts, but the O.G here is Hanna-Barbera boopity-boop shit par excellence. Truthfully, Quincy Jones could have remixed Star Trek with the sounds of Martian babes making first contact and it still wouldn't have mattered because there was no way Def Jam was ever going to release a song where Mr. Spock wanted to boldly go where Das Racist and Yung Gleesh went after him.

Friday 23 September 2016

Generic list post: Get Too Deep In That Water And They Can't Save Ya!

"Bitch, I be in that water like some sand!"

10 rap songs that former British quiz game Rick "The Model" Martel CJ de Mooi could have jammed when drowning tramps in Amsterdam. Your shit is underground, my shit is underwater:

A-Wax - Gone Fishin' (2013)
AZ - Bodies Gotta Get Caught (2000)
Spice 1 - 187 He Wrote (1993)
Big Lurch - I Did It To You (2004)
Snoop Doggy Dogg - Murder Was The Case (Remix) (1994)
Necro - Dead Body Disposal (2001)
Soulja Boy - Came Out The Water (2012)
Kool G. Rap - Executioner Style (1995)
Wooh Da Kid ft. Waka Flocka Flame & Bo Deal - Body Bag (2010)
Gravediggaz - 6 Feet Deep (1994)

Wednesday 21 September 2016

Breakin' Atoms

What's left of Albert Einstein's decayed todger rose from the grave when he heard what Spice compared her pum to on this one. The wicked witch of St. Catherine via Finsbury Park is just takin' the fackin' piss right now because Siddung's hook is possibly the most downright evil Auto-Tune has ever sounded. Proper Alpha 60 vybz.

Spice - Siddung
(From t'internet; 2016)

Added this one to my best of Spice 2014/2015/2016 playlist, natch.

Tuesday 20 September 2016

The Show forreal forreal

It was the moment I desired - finally a Slick Rick U.K tour! The Ruler's first time back on the manor since him & Doug did The Show on Top Of The Pops in 1985 apparently. He's even gonna be bubblin' in Dublin for Donal & this blog's 6 Irish readers. The only question here is, is his live show any cop?

Ya host caught the Pete Rock & CL Smooth reunion tour a couple of weeks ago and Pete Rock accidentally managed to piss off the REAL HIP HOP brigade by playing Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees as their intro, while CL was a surprisingly consummate performer/convivial raconteur with crystal clear vox, banter about British sport, and corresponding dance routines for every song: hulking out for I Get Physical, a variation on the cooking dance for The Main Ingredient, finger countin' for One In A Million, air-saxophone for T.R.O.Y and so on. The only downside was they did Lots Of Lovin' when everybody was waiting for All Souled Out or even a medley of Skinz and The Basement.

Old rappers should be heard live and not seen on t'internet. Pete Rock is gonna have kittens if he ever catches wind of that Instagram video of the mother & toddler rapping along to TEC & Maine Musik's Ain't No Coming Down.

Monday 19 September 2016


(Just kiddin' like Jason. Don't ever mention Mozzy to Yung Cat.)

"Can't f*ck with us and then go f*ck with the other side
You just committed suicide"

Yung Cat - Same N*ggas Who Popped Me
(From Drilla City 2 album; 2016)

File this under ‘melancholy Kansas City Husalahwave about friends being spotted in pix with enemies on Instagram’ and ‘the inverse Want My Brother Back where remorse has been replaced with revenge.’ Yung Cat has yet to shoot a promo for this one because he's been busy filming videos for his neighbourhood rapper buddy Bandoe who got shot in the face and the rap group comprised of his 4 daughters Daddies Girls. Everybody eats off that YouTubeploitation money in the BGM 'burb when Yūng Yamaguchi's camera starts rollin'.

Sunday 18 September 2016

He got a hit fulla corny words, yet he still can't afford these furs

(© the proto-wavy Check 1,2.)

A-Wax & Smigg Dirtee - Posse Up
(From the Siccness servers; 2005)

Smigg Dirtee reckons Posse Up was the first rap video to be shot specifically for the internet, and there may be some truth at the core of his lofty claim because I can't think of any other pre-YouTube rap videos which weren't shot for a DVD or weren't intended for play on some local late night TV show, certainly not for songs from mixtapes anyway. HOW DARE YOU QUESTION 'WAX & SMIGG'S TRENDSETTING, LOOK AT WHAT THEY BROUGHT TO THE TABLE BEFORE PARANOID P!

What Smigg Dirtee doesn't address here is that he's clearly wearing A-Wax's grey fur from the Thug Deluxe front & back covers in the video. Just a couple of west coast gangsta-rappers of indeterminate ethnic origin playin' swapsies with each other's clothes, bless 'em.

Saturday 17 September 2016

I got a friend with a poll in the basement

Childish Gambino-izized Swag-Rap is 2016's most surprisingly effective new micro-genre, but which song is its ne plus ultra? Vote now from the 2 choices below, and plz bear in mind that if you answer Broccoli then you're gonna end up wearing a plaster on your clock like Nelly Nel.

Aminé - Caroline
(From Caroline single; 2016)

Big Baby D.R.A.M - Cash Machine
(From Cash Machine single; 2016)

I'm a Caroline man meself, but the 2 songs work best together as a semi-detox on those days I've listened to nowt but Uncle Murda and WNC Carlos. Like Mystikal nearly said on Let's Get 'Em, 10% of the appeal is aesthetic, 90% of the potency is timin'.

Tuesday 13 September 2016

Reasons why I love YouTube # 74

Today marks the 20 year anniversary of 2Pac going back to the essence hotfooting it to Cuba to live in Lord Lucan's villa with D.B Cooper and him from the Manic Street Preachers - time flies when Nas vs Jay-Z fanboys, KanYesplainers, Drake-dickriders, and Young Thug thinkpiecers have long since replaced 2Pac conspiracists as the rap-internet's most irritating fanbase, right? Here's 'Pac's 1994 Source Awards performance of Out On Bail where him and his crew bumrushed the stage right before Q-Tip made a speech; an iconic moment in rap history which most of us had only ever heard murky rumours of before the invention of the 'Tube:

Thug Life: Volume 1 gotta be a top 5 most noteworthy rap album to get its original track list butchered by sample clearance red tape. To wit, Out On Bail was supposed to be its first single but ended up gettin' shelved, as did its title track and my own personal favourite unreleased 'Pac joint F*ck All Y'all.

Monday 12 September 2016

Louisiana Trombones alert! (part 2)

There's only 2 types of rap fans in this world nowadays, my friend - those who like mumble-rap and those who like shout-rap (no Craig G.) Here at The Martorialist we've been #TeamSpitItWithAClearTone since Slick Rick first breezed into town, but in the great rap wars of 2016, ya host is aligning himself with #TeamShout purely on the strength of Baton Rouge's new Trill Fam young'n WNC Carlos AKA 70th Street Carlos. Carlos is a rapper who seems to understand his USP in the field, thus his first solo track combines everything good about the mutant Bounce spazz of Bang Out and the Mardi Gras-core of Who You Playing With. Know thy strengths and stick to 'em.

"When you broke ain't nobody ever holla
Now like Instagram everybody follow
And all my bitches bad, look like a model
And my muhf*ckin' circle smaller than a f*ckin' toddler
You'll get your ass popped just like a collar
Bitch, what you mean - do we got a fuckin' problem?"

WNC Carlos - Keep A Glock
(From the internet; 2016)

*EDIT* Transpires that this is a jack oflocal Baton Rouge hit from july featuring none other than Larry from Cross Me and Bang Out, only here he's BBE Larry rather than JMM Larry. Who'd a thunk a nu-generation rapper from the Chemical City would be big fan of mediocre late-career producer compilations by Pete Rock and Marley Marl? 2016's first rap video to be partially set in the same dingy alleyway where Mean Gene Okerlund witnessed One Man Gang being reborn as Akeem after Slick cast an ancient African spell on a smoking garbage can.

Saturday 10 September 2016

I snort, I pop, I'm supposed to stop but I'm not

"She love the long hair, She love the gold teeth
She love how I pop pills, how I don't O.D"

Ezale - Stop Come On
(From Ezale & DJ Fresh's The Tonite Show album; 2016)

From the hotel, motel, holiday in Cambodia. Dru Danh AKA Yung Pierre Chang really needs to break out the Gucci bulletproof vest again for this one. It ain't the best song on Ezale & DJ Fresh's Tonite Show, but it is the one with future #HitTheEzaleChallenge potential.

Friday 9 September 2016

Fanatic of the B-side part 2

Since every modern rap mixtape coulda/shoulda been boiled down to a 2-track single, let's consider Public Housing as the flip side to Gods Crying. The wistful calm after the tropical stormer if you will:

"This a cold, cold world - so sick
These n*ggas gotta be 666, how the hell you shootin' these lil' kids?"

Lil' Chris - Gods Crying
(From t'internet; 2015/Conscious Trap mixtape; 2016)

"And my teacher told me I'd never be shit
And this who you want to teach me shit?"

Lil' Chris - Public Housing
(From Conscious Trap mixtape; 2016)

Don'tcha just hate when rappers post Instagram snippets of songs and then don't include the aforementioned songs on their next project? Ezale's Tonite Show album is missing this track, while Lil' Chris' Conscious Trap mixtape doesn't include some track he posted a teaser of which sounded like a Flo Rida Rap & Bullshit jam.

Thursday 8 September 2016

Louisiana Trombones alert!

"I'm Mr. Bang Bang, shout out to Greg
That choppa the same length as my leg
You know my circle's smaller than an egg
Ima get it out the mud before I beg
Look, bitch, you got me twisted like a dread"

WNC Da Label - Who You Playing With
(From YouTube; 2016)

Apparently the WNC lads are now signed to Trill ENT. Once upon a rhyme this would have been a good career move, but in 2016 all it means is that Turk will just steal their best songs and give 'em to Lil' Trill. Oh well, we'll always have Cross Me, Bang Out, Who You Playing With, and the summer Baton Rouge rap went dumb.

State of that graffiti backdrop in the video, eh?. Even 13/14 year old-me & my mate Blythin painted hotter shit than that and I can prove it:

Tuesday 6 September 2016

Louie here forever like syrup stains

It's taken half a decade, but one of the last unheard highlights from King Louie's secret Dope & Shrimp sampler has finally found its way onto t'internet at large: We Like To Party AKA the only song recorded during the 2011 Drill explosion to combine Top Billin' with La Di Da Di and still sound like Chicago's 'ardest shit since Bump J.

"Roll me up, shoot me up, I'm dope as f*ck"

King Louie - We Like To Party
(From what should have been the Dope & Shrimp mixtape; 2011)

I don't subscribe to the idea that everyone who writes about rap should know their 80's alphabets from the Awesome Foursome to the Z-3 MC's, but if you ain't down with songs like La Di Da Di and Top Billin' then you simply have shitty taste in music and your musings about what constitutes a bangeur are not to be trusted.

Saturday 3 September 2016

It was a saturday night on the streetz of Cali...

"Hit the doors like 2 titans, the whole jam stopped to stare
And as we walked through the crowd, they threw bills in the air"

That new Nef The Pharaoh mixtape is quite literally just a bunch of songs he doesn't consider good enough to make his debut album, so ya host is gonna spend the weekend jammin' DJ Step One's best of Ice-T mix instead. Home Of The Bodybag, New Jack Hustler, Drama, 6 'N The Mornin', You Played Yourself, Mind Over Matter, Bitches 2, O.G. Original Gangster, and Soul On Ice are all present and correct so it'd feel churlish to complain about the absence of Squeeze The Trigger, The Tower, and Straight Up N*gga. How can you be dowwwwwwn? Peep below: