Thursday 30 May 2019

Generic list post: May 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Tommeh Robinson flopped harder than Eric Vanderslice's stomach. Also the month when The Camel™ looked like a dog's-dinner - Jay-Z now wants for nothing in life but hasn't put together a decent outfit since he was broke.

70th Street Carlos - Play For (2019)
70th Street Carlos ft. Sauce Walka - Drip On 70th Street (2019)
Ether ft. Fivio Foreign & Mr. Swipey - WAKA (2019)
Polo G - Deep Wounds (2019)
Suga Free ft. Kokane - Hole In My Heart (2019)
Suga Free - Premium Game (2019)

Other notables: that new Slick Rick snippet potentially sounds like the best use of Funkadelic's (Not Just) Knee Deep since 1989; Queen Key's RBA is the ideal B-side to Ratchett innit; that new Max B & French Montana single isn't what I wanted from a new Max B & French Montana single but it'd probably sound decent sailin' on the sea of shite that is Rap radio in 2019; that other new Max B & French Montana single is ruined by the Auto-Tune and the jankey beat during the hook; Baby Money's I'm Coming was my favourite random find of the month: BlocBoy JB's Mercedes is aiight but not a Mercedes of the Heather Graham in License To Drive caliber; Father forgive me because the new Flo Rida & Sage The Gemini song isn't fit to be mentioned in the same sentence as GDFR; alas The Madd Felon & The Gatlin couldn't quite make a song which lives up to their Rap monikers; even Australians are doin' Drill now (comin' soon: Kill Skip by Lil' Herb & Lil Bar-B?)

Bonus beats: Ya boy's top 50 non-rap songs of the 2010s.

Tuesday 28 May 2019

28 'Grams

Two years later Big Choo is STILL posting snippets from his remake of Dolamite's Hustlas that he STILL hasn't dropped. I'm about to fly to Louisiana and pay a crackhead to run up on Choo and give him a Chinese burn every day until he releases this damn song.

Just checking Choo's Instagram story and he's now teasing a Bounce remake of Tove Lo's Bork-House classic Habits (Stay High). FFS, I swear this fella was put on Earth to personally Bop-tease me. Lookin' forward to that shit droppin' on Nevuary 1st.

Monday 27 May 2019

"And now for something completely different..." (part 2)

The first wave of British Punks had shit twisted like that lass from It Follows: they thought Tony Parsons was a good writer, they preferred The Clash's Janie Jones to The Damned's Neat Neat Neat, they dismissed Generation X as posers when Dancing With Myself turned out to be an apex of the genre, and they didn't give The Undertones' True Confessions its proper due.

The Undertones - True Confessions
(From Teenage Kicks EP; 1978)

If True Confessions ain't better than Teenage Kicks then it's the Undertones song where Feargal Sharkey really gets to let rip with his trademark vocal-quiver. Son could pull that shit off live too as he proved when they performed it on the Old Grey Whistle Test in full samurai guitar craic mode.

Bonus beats: much like The Buzzcocks, The Undertones didn't even bother putting their best songs on their albums. 4th single is a top 3 Undertones song and peak O.G pop-Punk.

The Undertones - You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It?)
(From You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It?) single; 1979)

Impressively, Feargal seemed to have a different turtleneck for every TV appearance. Even more impressively, he looked like an Irish choirboy and a Scottish grandfather at the SAME DAMN TIME!

Friday 24 May 2019


"And she do what I say so
But she Play-Doh, save her in my phone as Plato"

Ether ft. Fivio Foreign & Mr. Swipey - WAKA
(From the internet; 2019)

Pink Chardonnay is the illest blogger because he found the first fun New York Drill song. Well, it probably registers as N.Y Drill to the average listener, but it's more like Chicken Noodle Soup for the Bobby Shmurda generation. Call 'em what you want, they're all Uncle Murda's children to some degree.

Wednesday 22 May 2019

Oi Drizzle

Fuck being snarky, Messy Mart is complicated. As, indeed, is Edan's music.

1. Can't front, back in 2001 I dismissed Edan as a period-piece pastiche artist with an amusing Ultramagnetic MC's homage and was only interested in him as a DJ. It wasn't until a year later I became a fan of his music after catching a live show where he flipped my script with Run That Shit! and the Emcees Smoke Crack remix.

2. What I dig about Edan's best shit is that it has a similar strain of smart-arse bratty humour to Paul's Boutique-era Beastie Boys but from the perspective of a super-scientifikal Rap savant who uses Percee P's Lung Collapsing Lyrics as a Rosetta Stone. Also, his beats knock.

3. I only ride for Edan as a singles artist - as in, you don't really need to bother with any of his 3 albums because you can find all his best songs on his various 12"s, EP's, and 7"s (Primitive Plus does have a few jams, though tbf.)

4. I've never undertood the luv for Beauty And The Beat. Nowt to do with the switch in production sound, and everything to do with his smart-arse bratty humour being replaced with those painfully earnest Hip Hop Historian 101 rhymes.

5. Were there many other Rappers "feasibly in the same ballpark" as Edan? Aside from maybe J-Zone, I can't think of a single other Rapper from the late 90s/early '00s indie-Rap scene who was making music as simultaneously funny & funky as Edan's best shit (no A.C The P.D @ funny & funky.)

6. Edan is responsible for me enjoying Mr. Lif - a feat no other producer has managed thus far. Ditto Homeboy Sandman.

7. Anbody else ever get weirded out by Edan's scatalogical obsession? No shotz/shitz, but he definitely comes across as the sort of bloke who might have rubbed one out to 2 Girls, 1 Cup.

**EDIT** Per request, strictly from singles top 10 Edan joints:

Edan ft. Skillz Ferguson - The E's Have It (1999)
Edan - Migraine (1999)
Edan - Ultra '88 (2001)
Edan ft. Mr. Lif - Rapperfection (2001)
Edan ft. Skillz Ferguson - Adrenaline Rush (2001)
Edan - Run That Shit! (2002)
Edan ft. Skillz Ferguson - Clinical Rhymes (2002)
Edan - Emcees Smoke Crack (Remix) (2002)
Edan - I'll Come Running Back To You (2002)
Edan - Funky Rhyming (2005)

Saturday 18 May 2019

**Max B on Why You Do That voice**

Ya host is like "I don't even like Durk-core BUT.. but I fuck with this new Polo G shit right here!" This that grown & gorgeous shit with #bars and pathos for the summer, the winter, 4th quarter, whatever... owwww. Soul shit.

"I've been scarred by your love, left my heart bleedin’
My soul posted in the shadow with some dark demons
I'm on the E-way in a fast foreign car speedin'
.223s spit out quick when that chopper ringin’
We ain't never duckin' beef, bitch, we not vegan
My lil' n*ggas 'bout that action, they be Glock-squeezin'
Red beams on his head, now his top leakin'
I heard that boy got manned down and now the opps grievin'"

Polo G - Deep Wounds
(From t'internet; 2019)

For posterity, bonus beats:

Friday 17 May 2019

Space Age Pimpin' 4 real

Jimmy Spicer came to Earth on a meterorite, Suga Free & the atomic frog Kokane came to our square Earth in a spaceship like The Thing. Sod a Street, this is Galaxy Gospel: men are from Mars, women are from Venus, pimps are from Pluto, hoes will lick Uranus, and simps can get a metaphorical Neptune's kiss.

"First of all I'm Mr. Cushy
I catch a bitch, I break a bitch, I make her sell her pussy
N*gga, this your girlfriend
If that bitch decide to A.W.O.L right now your whole world end"

Suga Free ft. Kokane - Hole In My Heart
(From The Resurrection album; 2019)

Pink Chardonnay esquire asked if Suga Free is moshing in the video, and there's some definite Magic Don Jonathan Davis from KoRn moves goin' down - a pimp can't always Dip Da when shit is real out in the Fieldy. Anyhoo, hat tip to Suga Kane for gettin' 3/4 of the Bring It On gang back together.

Tuesday 14 May 2019

Manchester's alright if you like saxophones

808 State - Pacific 707
(From Pacific single; 1989)

808 State don't like it when you say that Pacific is A Guy Called Gerald's song which Graham Massey played saxophone on.

A Guy Called Gerald doesn't like it when you say that Pacific is even better than Voodoo Ray.

Mancunians don't like it when you say that Pacific almost single-handedly redeemed the Madchester era.

Londoners don't like it when you say that Pacific bodies any dance music from down south.

Americans don't like it when you say that Pacific bettered Chicago at its own game by truly putting the Acid into Acid House.

There were at least 5 different mixes of Pacific in 1989 alone starting with Pacific State from the Quadrastate EP, but the Pacific 707 single mix up top is the definitive one. You've gotta be a right dry-eared rando if you consider Pacific anything other than the G.O.A.T British song of the last 30 years. If a case could be made that Hip Hop kulcha's introduction to the U.K has been as inadvertently devastating as the introduction of grey squirrels to these shores, the exact opposite is true of House music - Chicago stays creating it, the U.K stays taking it and making it even better.

Friday 10 May 2019

Boy, your bitch ugly and I heard she had 3 toes

70th Street Carlos ft. Sauce Walka - Drip On 70th Street
(From t'internet; 2019)

It's a beautiful thing when a song lives up to its teaser snippet innit? The Rou' & the Hou' uniting for a cross-country whoadie rodeo. Never liked Sauce Walka previously meself, so I'm surprised how successfully he's pivoted to WNC Berserker Bounce™ here by sounding like UNCle Whop Bezzy.

Bonus beats: Play For makes the ideal B-side to this one.

70th Street Carlos - Play For
(From t'internet; 2019)

Thursday 9 May 2019

Generic list post: top 50 non-rap songs of the 2010s imho

Picture me waitin' until List Making Season™ to drop my best non-Rap songs of the 2010's post when I've already got 50 unfuckwithable choonz right now. I ain't enough of a generalist to be able to determine whether this was a good decade for Other Genres™, but there was a sweet 3 year run from 2013 to 2016 where my taste & popular non-Rap music realigned and I could hear loadsa my favourite songs du jour out in bars for the first time since the mid 2000's. So, raise a motherfuckin' toast to the decade when Inspector Norse went from being an underground anthem your raver m8 puts you onto to a P4k listicle token dance song to soundtracking talkSPORT segments about Mike Parry trying to lose weight.

(Edited to include a handful of new favourites which have dropped since I posted this list and a couple of old favourites I'd missed.)

The-Dream - Yamaha (2010)
Danzig - Black Candy (2010)
Diddy Dirty Money ft. Swizz Beatz - Ass On The Floor (2010)
Todd Terje - Inspector Norse (2012)
Miguel - Adorn (2012)
DJ Q - JD & Coke (2012)
Ty Dolla $ign - My Cabana (O.G video version) (2012)
Robosonic & Adana Twins - La Fique (2013)
Omar-S - Thank You For Letting Me Be Myself (2013)
DJ Snake ft. Lil' Jon - Turn Down For What (2014)
DEV ft. Sage The Gemini - Kiss It (2014)
Vybz Kartel - Miami Vice Episode (2014)
D'Angelo & The Vanguard - Sugah Daddy (2014)
Usher - Good Kisser (2014)
Shaggy ft. Maxi Priest & Super Cat - Night Flight (2014)
The Kid Ryan ft. Problem & Mr. Smith - No Boundaries (2014)
Kevin MacLeod - Black Vortex (2014)
Body Count - Talk Shit, Get Shot (2014)
Julio Bashmore ft. J'Danna - Rhythm Of Auld (2014)
Spice - Needle Eye (2015)
David Zowie - House Every Weekend (2015)
Busy Signal - Text Message (2015)
Charli XCX - Doing It (O.G solo version) (2015)
Robin Schulz ft. Francesco Yates - Sugar (2015)
John Carpenter - Night (2015)
Justin Bieber - Sorry (2015)
Charles Bradley - Changes (2015)
Major Lazer & DJ Snake ft. MØ - Lean On (2015)
Courtney Love - Walk Out On Me (2015)
Shatta Wale - Hol' It (2015)
Mark Ronson ft. Mystikal - Feel Right (2015)
Chi Ching Ching - Nacho (2016)
Tinashe - Touch Pass (2016)
DāM-FunK - Hazy Stomp (2016)
Carolyn Rodriguez ft. Kap G - On The Grind (2016)
Dexta Daps - Chinese Jordan (2016)
Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Work From Home (2016)
Kwamz & Flava - Takeover (O.G version) (2016)
Shift K3Y - Like This (2016)
Popcaan - Tight Pussy Wine (2016)
Moelogo - Penkele (2016)
Simoncino - Beyond The Dance (Mr. Fingers Dark Mix) (2016)
Maleek Berry - Kontrol (2016)
Tove Lo - Disco Tits (2017)
Diron Animal - Don't Stop (2017)
Jacquees & Dej Loaf - At The Club (2017)
8 Bit Universe - XO Tour Llif3 (2017)
Wande Coal & DJ Tunez - Iskaba (2017)
Tamia - Leave It Smokin' (2018)
Donae'o - Chalice (Martorialist edit) (2018)
Juiceboxxx - Ripping Up My Soul (2018)
Mr. Fingers - Full Moon (2018)
Kreayshawn - Not My Job (Punk Cover) (2018)
Burna Boy - Anybody (2019)
Calvin Harris ft. Rag 'n' Bron Son - Giant (2019)
SAULT - Foot On Necks (2019)

Related: the best international Rap songs of the 2010s.

Tuesday 7 May 2019

Pop, lock, and cock it

"N*ggas buildin' walkways, you already burnt your bridge"

Baby Money - I'm Coming
(From YouTube; 2019)

Some ol' Robotic futuristic George Jetson type random Detroit street shit that Mr. Wiggles could pop & lock to.

Saturday 4 May 2019

Computer's Putin

**Chas Smash from Madness voice** Don't watch dat, watch dis:

Suga Free & DJ Quik just dropped a threequel to Why U Bullshittin'. Read Suga Free's verse in psalm, but the refreaked production isn't strong enough to withstand needless verses by someone from the Outlawz and Quik himself. Smell my thumb.

Of course, true scholars of Pomona's Hoet Laureate know that Why U Bullshittin' Part 3 in all but name was on the Smell My Finger album.

Wednesday 1 May 2019

Martorial Elegance: Stinkerbell's Story

♪♪ ..Post the folk-fiend singing folk, who don't know the meaning of water nor soap.. ♪♪

Really doe, fuck A$AP Folky. What's the deal with that unreleased Slick Rick Can't Dance To A Track If It Ain't Got No Soul song which was supposed to be on the deluxe reissue of The Great Adventures Of Slick Rick but has vanished from the final product? Dunno if it's really an olde demo track but it's MC Ricky D rhyming over Funkadelic's (Not Just) Knee Deep and I need to hear that shit ASAP.