Friday 31 August 2012

Ayo ANU # 3

Per request, the Who Dem Boys? album by T-Bo & Mike Da Hustla :

T-Bo & Mike Da Hustla - Who Dem Boys?
(Down N Dirty Records; 2000)

1. Who Dem Boys? (with Mr. Murder)
2. Bad Ass White Boyz (with South Coast Coalition)
3. I Hear Bullets (with Delvin)
4. I'm Da One
5. Street Marines
6. Tore Up From Da Flo Up
7. That's Real (with Mr. Clever)
8. #1 Headbusters
9. Block Monsters
10. Can't Knock Us
11. Dirty South Anthem (with Mr. Clever & Mr. Murder)
12. Want Some, Get Some


Before he signed with No Limit Records as Master P's token Great White Hope and ended up pursuing a side-career as Lil' Romeo's butler, T-Bo and his then-producer/Rapper cohort Mike Da Hustla pioneered the genre of rowdy saltine moonshine-Rap when they emerged from a Louisiana trailer park with $25 rhinestone grillz in their mouths toting copies of Who Dem Boys? at the turn of the millennium. Cracka-Rap trailblazers on multiple levels, also note the racially ambiguous album cover where the duo pose with their backs turned in a devious attempt to fool us that they might be Mexican rather than a couple of hot dog brine smelling caucazoids; a trick adopted by every white rapper on MySpace trying to disguise their ethnicity a good 4 years later.

Lamenting that "it's hard out here on these streetz bein' white" and referencing such quintessential Louisiana motifs as ‘solja Ree's’ over Mike Da Hustla's tinny-yet-strangely-punchy beats, the original peckerwood thug-Rap duo here are akin to a whigga-core TRU minus one of the Miller brothers or even a downhick Mobb Deep with the backwoods of Baton Rogue replacing Queensbridge as their pitiless milieu. Album highlights include the savagely anthemic title track, one of the greatest Drag ´Em "N" Tha River homages in Bad Ass White Boyz, the Phil Collins-interpolating ballad I Hear Bullets, and T-Bo's solo masterpiece #1 Headbusters where "the gun-blazin' caucasian" explains that violence is a dirty job but he'll still bust your melon open if he catches you talking shit.

Now impossible to find on CD and never uploaded to the internet in full (alas this is missing the intro, the outro, a radio version of I Hear Bullets and a Screwed version of Dirty South Anthem), Who Dem Boys? is still the definitive rowdy saltine moonshine-Rap opus as well as a minor Baton Rogue classic, so it's in dire need of a remastered reissue with liner notes by Dave Tompkins, Percy Miller and Frankie Tha Lucky Dog, plus a bonus CD-ROM of the pictures from Mike Da Hustla's sadly extinct Geocities page. Until that happens, this post will just have to do.

Thursday 30 August 2012

Jackie san, you stay focus - best Rapping inside party!

The best Rap song to ever interpolate Daft Punk, easily the finest track that Diamond bird's ever been involved with post-Crime Mob, Juicy J's only notable guest appearance so far this year and d'ya know why? Because the 2012 Captain Pissy Jackie Chain is H.B.K-ing the Rap game right now by coaxing outstanding performances outta all manner of minor-talents and wilted veterans via his ability to sweep through tracks like an ol' fashioned Beatnuts-styled tornado of FUN!

Diamond ft. Jackie Chain & Juicy J - At The Bar
(From The Young Life mixtape; 2012)

Fact : if AZNs weren't the last discriminated-against race in AmeriKKKa today, Jackie would populate the spot currently held by 2 Chainz.

Wednesday 29 August 2012

Hank Trilliams

Here's one of my favourite mixes of the last 5 years - DJ Yoda's How to Cut & Paste: Country & Western Edition CD from 2009 featuring songs by Dolly Parton, Treacherous Three, Special Ed, Johnny Cash, OutKast, Bubba Sparxxx, Hank Williams, Sir Mix-A-Lot etc alongside Marshall Brickman & Eric Weissberg's duelling banjos from Deliverance and some of Yoda's trademark blends. It's not quite flawless because there's an Everlast track on there where there could've been something by my man Haystak instead, but, shucks, such a minor imperfection only gives the mix character :

Full track listing here and you can find the CD on Amazon, although not for less than 40 quid.

Tuesday 28 August 2012

Just sayin', bruv # 4

I made a blog, Google think I'm slangin' coca leafs - nobody questions Sam Hockley-Smith when he's all up in RSS feeds! Please believe the Just sayin', bruv series is back like arsecrack with 10 indisputable actual facts that aren't acts, they're unpopular opinions that've been proven indeed :

I'd gladly trade the combined careers of Souls Of Mischief, The Roots, The Fugees, Jeru The Damaja and Ras Kass for a single lost Reel To Reel-era Grand Puba song with Positive K over the main break from Eddie Bo's Hook & Sling.

If the Pitchfork People's Lists have taught us anything, it's that an awful lot of the people currently blogging and writing about Rap probably shouldn't be blogging and writing about Rap. There's rules, got codes and lines we obey : if you actively enjoy The Streets or Lily Allen then you should be barred from ever pontificating about Rap.

Katie Got Bandz and DJ Kenn being the only two genuinely talented people to emerge from Chicago's Drill scene is ample proof that AZNs will be the most dominant force in Rap music by 2015 and the predominate race in America by 2020.

Similarly, Brendan Soderberg's successful career in Rap journalism is a sure fire sign that, ultimately, America is a doomed nation.

N.O.R.E is the only currently active N.Y Rapper over the age of 35 who should still be allowed to make more than two songs per year from hereon in.

How ironic and sad is it that the greatest New York blogger ever is now trying to inflict all manner of terrible N.Y.C Rappers on the general public? How can Yams look himself in the mirror every morning knowing that he's responsible for A$AP Ferg's career?

Biz Markie's Big Daddy Kane-penned debut album Goin' Off being a stronger LP than BDK's own Long Live The Kane album is all the evidence we need that Biz was the true brains behind Kane's career.

And speaking of ghostwriters, Nas fanboys need to face up to the truth : MC Serch wrote 80% of Illmatic, Cormega wrote the vast majority of It Was Written, Foxy Brown wrote most of I Am, Nature wrote the few good bits on Nastradamus, Half-A-Mill wrote around 50% of Stillmatic, Lake wrote all the good songs on God's Son, Quan wrote 12 songs on Street's Disciple including Thief's Theme, and Kelis wrote every last lyric of Hip Hop Is Dead.

Lil B should've quit Rapping on a high in summer 2010 right after T-Shirts And Buddens ended Joe Buddens' career because even Noz can't co-sign his endless succession of godawful mixtapes any more.

RiFF RaFF should forget about a Rap career since he's never going to make another good song again and channel all his energies into talking Lil' Debbie and Kreashawyn into doing a Lesbian porno flick directed by Necro.

Monday 27 August 2012

Is Foxx now a better Rapper than Andre 3000?

Still can't believe ANU, Matthew Africa and ya boy Happy Perez Hilton right chea are the only people on the Rap blogoshere who fucked with the Foxx Mayweather album because Foxx is in the zone at the moment. Anyhoo, I Wonder was the album's Stressed Out type frowny-face Emo cut and served as another example of Rap being the only genre of music where usage of an acoustic guitar is acceptable, so I feel compelled to let you know that the video just dropped. Moreover, the clip itself is a career-defining moment since Foxx reveals his new cornrows from under a bucket-hat and, thus, has finally found the prerequisite trademark hairdo every Trill Rapper needs to become a superstar; Turk & Mel - please get Foxx in the studio with Mouse, B-Real and $hizz immediately :

Foxx - I Wonder
(From Foxx Mayweather album; 2012)

Foxx's current form makes me wish that Boosie would retire from Rap. Not only to allow Foxx a chance to finally shine as the new crown prince of Baton Rogue, but also to spare us the the songs with Wale and Theophilus London Boosie will inevitably record when he gets out of prison next year.

Hack hill

It's weird to watch the divergent paths Z-Ro and Trae's careers have taken over the past few years, huh? Tangled in J-Prince's web until the day he pops his clogs, Z-Ro remains stuck in a cycle of releasing half-arsed albums after dropping incredible straight-to-Youtube freestyles and has plummeted so far down the King Of The South pecking order that we can currently find him bro-ing out on Twitter with the Rap game Omar White AKA Joe Budden. Meanwhile, Trae is now Houston's flagship Rapper who secures verses from A-listers like Lil' Wayne & Rick Ross and Wiz Khalifa for his singles, and has clambered so far up the southern rankings that he's currently one of the top five mercenary jobbers working today.

Which makes it all the more weird that whenever Trae converges with those other top five go-to mercenaries Young Jeezy and Yo Gotti, they all bring the best out of each other and the results are never anything less than stellar. Choppa Talk is the soundtrack to drinking Hennessey and wishing freak yachting accidents on your enemies and that bastard who just outbid you on a pair of Yuketen X Inventory magazine Chukkas on eBay at the last second :

Trae Tha Truth ft. Young Jeezy & Yo Gotti - Choppa Talk
(From Blackprint mixtape; 2012)

Ain't gon' lie, I'm mainly posting this today because it gives me another excuse to wheel out my photoshop of Joe Budden in Papa Roach's Last Resort video :

Sunday 26 August 2012

Yola >>>> YOLO

Not even gonna pretend I'm all up on DG Yola beyond a couple of joints and his verse on Fuck You which was his song to begin with before B.o.B gaffled it if I remember correctly, but I do know this : any track of his which starts with the word Ain't is usually right up my alley :

DG Yola - Ain't Nobody/Million Bucks
(From Youtube/Mr Broke Da Knob mixtape; 2012)

Two questions : why don't more ATLanta Rappers take their cues from Boosie, Webbie and Foxx instead of getting caught up in dull ol' Raymond Blanc Rappin' ass generic ATL Trap-talk platitudes about their kitchens, and does an MP3 of Ain't Nobody exist yet since it wasn't on Mr Broke Da Knob?

Friday 24 August 2012

A Grand Puba compilation 4 u

Yet another Grand Puba post when we promised we were done with him for 2012? C'mon now, ya thought we farted when we shitted because the Martorialist crew do more for our people than wicka-welfare, thus we hooked up with the two hicks from the A Little Of This video and hammered out a compilation of our favourite Grand Puba joints and guest appearances that were released/or didn't see the light of day until last decade.

This is in chronological order, so we have unreleased Brand Nubian demos from the late 80s which finally surfaced on that Now Rule Files EP (2009) and Foundation-era shelved Brand Nubian songs from the late 90s which finally got a release on their Time's Runnin' Out odds 'n' sods album (2007), tracks from his Understand This (2001) and Retroactive (2009) solo albums, a classic 12" only Pete Rock remix (2002), joints from Brand Nubian's official Fire In The Hole album (2004), a rare compilation cut (2007), and even a couple of guest appearances from the original version of Cormega's Fresh posse cut (2008) which Jack The Snipper edited PMD and KRS out of, and Saigon's Who Can Get Busy Like This Man (2009) which Puba doesn't technically Rap on but still steals due to his hook and outro shout-outs :

~ Grand Puba - 2001 : A Skinz Odyssey ~

1. Brand Nubian - I Ain't Goin' Out Like That
2. Brand Nubian ft. Pete Rock - How Ya Livin'
3. Brand Nubian - Somebody Told A Lie
4. Brand Nubian - Brand Nu Hustle
5. Grand Puba - Up And Down
6. Grand Puba - Issues Pete Rock remix
7. Brand Nubian - Momma
8. Brand Nubian - Coming Years
9. Grand Puba - Let's Go
10. Cormega ft. DJ Red Alert, Grand Puba & Big Daddy Kane - Fresh (Martorialist edit)
11. Grand Puba ft. Tiffini Davies - It Is What It Is
12. Grand Puba ft. Q-Tip - Good To Go
13. Saigon ft. Grand Puba - Who Can Get Busy Like This Man?


In case you're wondering why there's no Bread And Butter, it's because everybody knows that already. Also, if you missed it last year here's a triple-threat of Puba's best Reel To Reel B sides.

Thursday 23 August 2012

Gurlz r mean!

Oh shit, a flagrantly sexist yet vulnerably wounded Lord Finesse demo over the same dick-swanging Billy Cobham break as CMW's Duck Sick has finally been cleaned up and released!

"So, girls don't sleep, don't even doze off
I'm good with the mic plus I'm good with my clothes off"

Lord Finesse - Inconsiderate Females
(From Funky Technician sessions; 1989/Inconsiderate Females 5"; 2012)

Sure hope Finesse has cleared that Red Baron sample because I'd hate to see him get sued for copying the music from a song written, produced and performed by a Jazz legend changing the title and then distributing it under his own name in order to re-launch his music career.

Wednesday 22 August 2012

Weed-carrying for Jeezy is tricky like spelling Mississippi

Boo Rossini AKA the Rapper who looks like a composite photofit made from the respective heads of Jim Jones and A-Wax takes us on a safari through "that shit that raised me" over a mellow, fuzzy beat which keeps threatening to break into something more substantial but never quite does and so is all the more powerful because of its restraint (no Twlight). Boo isn't exactly the most subtle practitioner of interpolating other Rapper's lyrics, nonetheless, the concept works and this jams :

Boo Rossini - Vibe
(From Coke a Cola Classic album; 2012)

Kinda wish more of his recent music sounded like Vibe because melodic Country-Rap production like this is far more suited to the Boo Rossini steez than those generic ATL Trap-101 bangerz he's been Rapping over ever since Jeezy signed him as the Mississippi chapter of his CTE baggage handler congregation. Can't Jeezy just stick to knocking out the same interchangeable song with Freddie Gibbs over and over again and let Boo return to making music with his currently invigorated former Concentration Camp affiliates Max Minelli and Young Bleed?

Tuesday 21 August 2012

Martorial elegance # 65

A-Mafia's come a long way in the Rap game since he last got out of prison a couple of years back - from "I'm 'bout to trap n*ggas, slap n*ggas, clap n*ggas, snap n*ggas, jack n*ggas, white n*ggas, black n*ggas" on 1000 Grams in 2010 to bro-ing out with some very odd whiggas at the A-Mafia Day cookout on 140th Street in Harlem this past weekeend. Hey Rappers, Guidos, Turkish banter-lads, middle-aged Swedish homosexuals, Peter Andre, Denice Welch's toyboy and other wearers of True Religion jeans - is dook in the middle really the look you're going for?

Keep it on the hush-hush, but yo' boy Brendan SODMGberg right chea quite likes that new A-Mafia track with - whisper his name - Papoose! Yes, A-Mafia and Kay Slay getting increasingly buddy-buddy is worrying, and, yes, N.O.R.E should've guested on the song instead, but I'm digging Mafia's echo-flow and how the beat sounds like a slo-mo version of Ted Dibiase; as for Papoose, his presence isn't problematic here since he doesn't even sound like Papoose so I can just hoodwink myself he's that Charlie Clips dood who said "n*gga gave 'em all his chips, Miss Pringled her" on Shine On :

A-Mafia ft. Papoose - Get Money, Stay True
(From t'internet; 2012)

Monday 20 August 2012

It's been a decade since I Need A Girl Part 2!

"Ya man don't play
Have you ever been to St. Tropez and seen a brother play a mandolin?"

P. Diddy ft. Loon, Ginuwine & Mario Winans - I Need A Girl Part 2
(From We Invented The Remix album; 2002)

The genius is that Puff pronounces Mandolin as Mandalay, innit? Shout outs to Loon AKA the only Bad Boy Rapper since Ma$e who's been able to hold his own against Puff in the crap dancing stakes.

Sunday 19 August 2012

Mouse drop the track that'll make you say "eh, what was that?"

With the mysteries of Electric Relaxation's hook and French Montana's slurred "fanute" lyric now solved, the most puzzling "WTF does he say exactly?" moment in this Rap shit surely has to be Mouse On Tha Track's production tag. I've always heard it as "Mouse drop the track that'll make ya bus' and act", but my buddy Chemical Alan swears its "Mouse drop the track that'll make ya pussy pack" and t'internet insists that its actually "Mouse drop the track that'll make ya bounce it back". Which is it? Judge for all yourselves by listening to the song Mouse's famed line originally appears on at precisely 2:54:

"See, Mouse drop the track that'll make ya ______________
And I done popped a pill and sniffed a powder pack"

Handy ft. Mouse & Webbie - Cut The Lights On
(From Rap Hustlin' album; 2005)

Killed in a 2004 road accident before his debut album Rap Hustlin' could hit stores, Handy was a traditional Louisiana henchman-Rapper in the vein of B.G. or Beelow, and his aforementioned posthumous debut album is noteworthy for being almost entirely produced by Mouse, and for featuring cameos Webbie, Young Bleed, and Turk from the Hot Boy$. In the cruelest twist of irony imaginable, Handy's best song is a track with Webbie and Box which didn't even appear on his album, but which does outdo Little Bruce at his own game.

"I taught my baby tricks and n*ggas act like it's so shockin'
On sunday they was jockin' 'cause my trunk was pop-lockin'"

Handy ft. Box & Webbie - Mobbin' In Them Old Schools
(From S.C.C & Lil' Boosie's Both Sides Of The Track compilation; 2004)

Saturday 18 August 2012

Top 5 favourite sounds ever!

Blackbirds singing at dawn; waves gently lapping up against the seashore; the crunching of feet in fresh snow; your significant other at the point of orgasm; Mouse On Tha Track's flow :

Mouse On Tha Track - Hand Rub
(From Millionaire Dreamzzz album; 2012)

Who'd a thunk the influences of Lil' Slim and Nelly could combine to such startling effect?

Friday 17 August 2012

Late pass!

Not sure what surprised me most with this one - that I was completely unaware Timbaland & Bubba Sparxxx dropped a mixtape with DJ Enuff on the run-up to Deliverance until last week, or that Timbaland practically gave away a whole album's worth of bangers for a mixtape which basically amounted to a showcase for Bubba's ATL-Rap mentors Duddy Ken & Attitude and his own Beat Club Records coffee-fetchers Kiley Dean & Ricky Rucker. Lotta good songs on there including this five-star paragon of booty chatter :

"When we club it ain't no tellin' what go on behind them doors
finger fuckin', bar fights and ounces of all kinds of drugs"

Duddy Ken & Attitude - Valet
(From DJ Enuff and Timbaland Present Bubba Sparxxx and the Muddkatz - New South: The Album B4 the Album Mixtape; 2003)

The Rap Game Pum Diary Rob Breezy hooked me up with a copy and told me that there was even a limited edition 12" boxset of it which I desperately need to own, so, I 'unno, I thought I'd share the 'tape in a bid for some good karma because the boxset is a right bastard to find nowadays.


Thursday 16 August 2012

The annual Grand Puba post # 2

Ayo, Stud - bus' it while I finish off with the most secrete and rare of Grand Puba songs. This was recorded sometime between Reel To Reel and 2000 and comes from an obscure 1999 EP which also featured the classic Flip Styles with Diamond D & Sadat X and that meh Don't Change cut with Monifah. Over the same Al Green sample as the Memphis Sessions remix of AZ's I Am The Truth, the man like Maxwell shouts out Stud Dougie & Alamo, ad-libs a bit, gets his Who Can Get Busy Like This Man? Jamaican toaster voice on and then launches into the third verse from Amazing which concludes with a set of lyrics he's never used anywhere else :

"My lingo's like a Thursday night corner church bingo
mad props to Paul McCartney, John Lennon and Ringo
if I was in South Africa, I'd be a mandingo,
creepin' through the bush lookin' for a joint single
so come on, give a n*gga his - I'ma earn mine,
but I'll catch ya all on the next time"

Grand Puba - Time To Put It On
(From Brand Nubians featuring Grand Puba 12" EP; 1999)

Rap-nerd quiz time : U2's Achtung Baby was originally set to be called which infamous Grand Puba lyric from Who Can Get Busy Like This Man? before their record label kiboshed the idea?

Wednesday 15 August 2012

The annual Grand Puba post

While the noughties saw Grand Puba go into terminal decline, this is a Rapper who deserves eternal credit for making a group as irredeemable as Ugly Duckling almost listenable in 2004, and who still had the occasional flash of brilliance in him throughout the decade with the Pete Rock remix of Issues, his appearance on Beanie's Bread And Butter alongside Datty X, the Let's Go track from the Top Shelf '88 compilation, and these here 2 album cuts which nobody other than Wicked22 and his ilk gave a fuck about :

"One of the best at this, n*gga, case closed
because your style been exposed like assholes in toilet bowls"

Brand Nubian - Brand Nu Hustle
(From Time's Runnin' Out album; 2007)

A cut recorded in 1998 for The Foundation which then didn't see the light of day until their odds 'n' sods album of late 90s recordings in 2007, Brand Nu Hustle stands as the best O.G line-up Brand Nubian song since 1990 because it finally delivered what we'd been craving for 17 years : the 3 Nubes effortlessly spitting hot sauce about chickenheads and their microphone skillz over a simple Funk loop. Lord Jamar's last great hurrah before he was forever pwned by an egg allergy in OZ.

"Now she had a big future ahead of her, a big ass on back of her
had a man all he started doin' was just smackin' her"

Grand Puba ft. Tiffini Davies - It Is What It Is
(From Retroactive album; 2009)

In which we meet the unlikely feminist Grand Puba and a wailing Poundland Mary J. Blige for a story about meeting a breezy at the mall who turns out to be a stripper on a song which falls somewhere between What's The 411? and Slow Down in the Puba canon. Glad I finally gave Retroactive a whirl earlier this year because It Is What It Is might end up being Puba's valedictory solo classic, although his "caught up in the Desert Storm, girl, without a Clue" punchline isn't half as Maxwellian as Blind Fury's legendary "you need to do what Lala did, homie, and get a Clue!" zinger.

Tuesday 14 August 2012

Doppelganger Figaz

Can't say I've been particularly enamoured with the Fisher Price production Jacka's been using for the past year and change, so I don't really hold out much hope for his collaboration album with Freeway. That's not to say the concept of Mob Figaz and State Property moving work outta state together isn't a wonderful idea in theory, it's just that it might yield better results if we replace Jacka and his cohorts with a Costco version of the Mob at this point. Ampichino & Young Bossi would be their ideal stunt-doubles, but if they're currently otherwise engaged then this Krypto fella and his mate Axion Jaxion will do instead. Banger! :

Krypto ft. Beanie Sigel, Freeway & Axion Jaxion - Black Tie Affair
(From Rare Breed album; 2012)

Friday 10 August 2012

Complex magazine changed my life!

Because I now find it impossible to listen Drag'em 'N' Tha River without getting crazy visions of Mystikal sitting in traffic pulling vinegar-stroke faces and bellowing "YOU'Z A HOE, MYSTIKAL! YOU'Z A HOE, MYSTIKAL!" to himself after reading his breakdown of Beware in that 25 most essential Mystikal songs countdown Noz did :

U.N.L.V. - Drag'em 'N' Tha River
(From Uptown 4 Life album; 1996)

Still waitin' on that call from Complex to commission me to put together a countdown of the 25 greatest Hip Hop message boarders of all time, btw. Chances are you're familiar with Will High, Dozer and Jason Seagraves by this point, but whatch'all know 'bout Skatewitch?

Thursday 9 August 2012

40 grand worth of kicks, that's a Benz off the lot

"Recognize - every shoe is fresh out the box
if you scuff 'em, I'ma have to knock you clean out your socks"

Coppertop ft. Mouse On Tha Track & Bonka - Fresh Out The Box
(From DirtyGloveBastard's feed; 2012)

Here at The Martorialist we'll always require one sneaker-related Rap song a year, so this little Baton Rogue posse cut featuring Mouse On Tha Track, some fella called Coppertop who sounds like Beelow and another fella called Bonka with "mo' shoes than yo' mamma, yo' auntie and yo' bitch" will do just nicely for 2012. Feelin' the anti-Prada and Louis Vuitton kicks sentiment on this one because it breaks our hearts to see black ppl from AmeriKKKa dressing like Christiano Ronaldo in Aladdin's slipper lookin' ass Euro-trash high-tops, and we've been listening to this on repeat for the last half hour pretending it's a sequel to our very own edit of Boosie's verse from 6 Tre G's Fresh Dressed remix :

Lil' Boosie - Fresh Dressed remix Martorialist edit
(From The Best Of The Martorialist (So Far) Volume One; 2011)

Wednesday 8 August 2012

Rich Boy discusses career optionz & teh lifestylez

"Play the game or get played
true players learn the game at a young age
if you wanna get paid find a trick that pay to get laid"

Rich Boy & Supa Villain - Desires
(From ATM (High Class & Country) mixtape; 2012)

Kinda feel the only way to accurately describe the lavishness of Desires from that new Rich Boy & Supa Villain 'tape is with this picture of Franz Sanchez in Licence To Kill :

Monday 6 August 2012

Reasons why I love Youtube # 31

Like Slow Motion, D4L's Laffy Taffy is one of those admittedly classic noughties Rap singles about asses that I hate for my own ridiculously childish reasons. The Slow Motion story is a bit too scatalogical for a public Rap blog, but ever since Nigel Reo Coker celebrated with the Laffy Taffy dance when he scored at Highbury during West Ham's win against Arsenal in 2006 and consequently lost me £100 in the process I've loathed the D4L single which isn't a patch on Betcha Can't Do It Like Me or the Fabo remix of Trap Squad's What's Happenin'. Relive my pain with me and take a gander at this world's colliding moment :

Arsene Wenger's greatest achievement then: revolutionising English football in the late 90s with his philosophies to diet and training? His Invincibles team of the 2003/2004 season? Both accomplishments pale into insignificance when we consider that this is the man who somehow found an even worse defender than Pascal Cygan when he signed Phillipe Senderos AKA the Rap Game... um, who's a rapper who never ceases to shit the bed whenever he hops on a track? Gimme a second here... ah, yes - Phillipe Senderos AKA the Rap Game A$ap Ferg.

Friday 3 August 2012

Zat REAL Foreign sheeit

Ironically, the thing N.Y Rap is most lacking in 2012 is great trans-regional posse cuts in the vein of World War III, albeit ones which sound like Parisian buskers playing synthesised accordions as N.O.R.E and his pals done shook dice with Fabien Barthez on the Champs-Élysées :

"Guacamole, poppin' Stoli
kick n*ggas in they face... soccer goalie"

N.O.R.E ft. Busta Rhymes, Game & Waka Flocka Flame - Lehhhgooo
(From Crack On Steroids mixtape; 2012)

On paper the disparate line-up of N.O.R.E's latest minor-classic single reads like the absolute worst kind of pathetic pandering to regional radio markets by N.Y Rappers, right? I totally dismissed Lehhhgoooo for that very reason during my initial skim through Crack On Steroids until I was forced to re-investigate after hearing its quasi-jolly French tones on the Kenny Powers video. Thing is, N.O.R.E and a rowdy former Queens Dunn-Rap ex-pat like Waka are actually a pretty good stylistic match for each other; as for Game, he's found his way back into my good books after his recent antics resulted in the best Rap GIF of 2012 thus far, so I don't mind admitting that he almost steals the song with his opening line of "somebody walked up and told me N.O.R.E shot somebody so I shot him and turned up my Rakim", and you can always just pretend he's Imam Thug or MusaliNY if you still find him an objectionable presence on the original non-video version up top.

Thursday 2 August 2012

Cobraswag & The Martorialist # 1 in your top 2 again

Styles P and Sheek Louch went double-plastic, Cobraswag and The Martoriaist is puttin' out classics! Yup, folks - we back like herpes cold sores on your baby momma's lips with another mix. Nyquil and I both picked some of our favourite tracks of 2012 and ended up with this selection which 'quil Mariano then lovingly stitched together like a musical version of Juelz's patchwork outfit in the Dipset Anthem video. 24 songs, 24 hits - you ready to bite? Eskay ain't a blogger, he scared to write :

Cobraswag & The Martorialist present the best of 2012... so far
(A mix by Nyquil & Blogota Rich)

1. Killa Kyleon & Mouse on the Track - Freddy Krueger
2. Feva ft. Husalah - Handsome
3. NHT Boyz - Freeway
4. Shady Nate ft. Thrill and J. Stalin - No Pat Down
5. A-Mafia - Realest N*gga In My City
6. Gucci Mane ft Rocko - Plain Jane
7. E-40 ft. Cousin Fik - Wasted
8. Cousin Fik - Knocka N*gga Down
10. Lil Phat - Countin' Money
11. King Louie - Val Venis
12. Andre Nickatina - That's Right (Nasty Girl)
13. Fat Trel - Swishers And Liquor
14. Gunplay - Jump Out
15. DB Tha General - Don't Worry
16. N.O.R.E - Kenny Powers
17. Fam-Lay - Clap Clap
18. Ampichino & Young Bossi ft. Yukmouth - Runaway
19. J. Stalin - Time is Money
20. Foxx ft. $hizz - 3rd person
21. $tarlito - Clap for Him
22. HD ft. Lil' Rod - Pursuit Of Happiness
23. Young Giftz ft. Tree - Nino
24. Lil B - Banga Luv Remix

If you're one of those poncey bastards who'll only listen to a mix if it's on Soundcloud then we can do dat too :