Thursday 29 June 2023

Generic list post: June 2023

Necro - Rugged Shit
(From I Need Drugs album; 2000/YouTube; 2023)

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Necro belatedly dropped a video for his best song. Speaking of whom, I'm still immensely proud that some ROBOTIC RETARD™ fanboys of the Braunstein brothers thought my spoof Necro interview was real.

Big Pokey - Hardest Pit (1999)
TREE - 10 Mac 11's (2023)
Hardini - Off Papers (2023)
RMC Mike - I'm Back (2023)
Zae Shakur - Donuts In A Benz (2023)
Sexyy Red - Female Gucci Mane (2023)
J Hus - Who Told You (no Drake edit) (2023)
Nines - Calendar (2023)
Denny Crockett & Ike Egan - The Curse Of The Gods (1981)
Real Lies - World Peace (2015)
Peggy Gou - (It Goes Like) Nanana (2023)

Other stuff: EttelThun did a mix of his favourite lesser-celebrated Select Records songs; Party Sparty put together a compilation of songs from the '50s and '60s he'd have on his jukebox if he ever owned a fleapit dive; I only listen to Turnstile as a KerrangTV singles band, but I thoroughly enjoyed Johnboxxx's guide to the band's evolution.

Monday 26 June 2023

Warning: Generation X nerd shit ahead

Back when Young Marty was a wee brat in the early 80s, the two TV shows which had me stuck to the box like Gorilla Glue were Ulysses 31 and Star Fleet. Both shows were of Japanese origin and released a year apart, so it's not surprising that they'd share similar stock musik like the stretched chiming sound which was used to signify that some dastardly shit was afoot (see the two videos above.) What is surprising is that the soundtrack score in a Lucio Fulci horror movie from the same period also features a suspiciously similar sound (hat tip to Gianluca Giallo for the spot.) What the dilly, yo? You can't tell me nothin' that Star Fleet wasn't low-key internationally influential. Even Odd Squad's Blind Rob would have to concede that Destro from G.I. Joe (1983) looks suspiciously similar to Professor Caliban from Star Fleet (1981).

Random related thoughts:

The Curse Of The Gods score from Ulysses 31 is up there with Kevin MacLeod's Black Vortex in the canon of Monumentally Ominous Instrumentals™. REAL BLACK HOLES SWALLOWING ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEMS SHIT!

Separated at birth: Barry Hercules from Star Fleet and McLaren from Porridge.

Friday 23 June 2023

Bick 'N' Back

Hardini - Off Papers
(From Off Papers single; 2023)

Real Martorialist readers might remember Hardini's I'm Bick, a personal favourite blapper back in 2015. Turns out Hardini still drops music which occasionally still sounds like D-Lo if he'd moved to San Diego where the water is close. Hardini has been in and out of prison since I'm Bick so nowadays his "circle is small like the hole in a DVD."

RMC Mike - I'm Back
(From I'm Back single; 2023)

First Michigan song ya host has heard since Kookei's So Icy which doesn't sound like every other boring interchangeable Michigan Rap song ever. Also, finally an RMC Mike solo song he doesn't ruin with a random gross line about vaginal odour or his Jap's eye. A literal Lyrical Miracle™.

Tuesday 20 June 2023

Taxi for Nef The Pharoah

Now I feel bad for wanting Nef to drop. Alexa, play No Gravity by Cousin Fik. Here at The Martorialist we pay homage, but h8erz say "Nef fell off!" How, blogga - his last single was What Do You Like.

Monday 19 June 2023

One Team Country

Real Lies - World Peace
(From Real Life album; 2015)

On one hand, Tom Watson leaving Real Lies was a pity because World Peace is the ne plus ultra(s) Forza RL song. On the other hand, Watson's departure inspired Boss Trick and he still contributes backing vocals to Real Lies songs which require his sweet boi touch like Dream On and Since I. The great thing about music is that songs only partially belong to their creators, they also belong to the listeners and however we interpret them. Real Lies say World Peace is about the conflicting bittersweet emotions you feel at the end of a relationship, I say World Peace is a second Nessun Dorma summer anthem to rival New Order's Italia '90 theme tune World In Motion.

To paraphrase another Real Lies song, you always thought 3 Lions was holdin' us together, but it turns out it was just holdin' us back. It's no wonder the English football team are cursed when their biggest anthem features David Baddiel, and their second and third biggest anthems feature Keith Allen. The English public continually being fooled into believing that Lily Allen's posh c**t dad is a football fan is conclusive proof that my country doesn't deserve nice stuff. Never have I less Felt I Was Part Of Something™ than when I hear Vindalooo in the pub before an England game. Thus, the campaign to use World Peace as England's official Euro 2024 theme starts NOW!

Previously: Real Lies Shit.

Thursday 15 June 2023

Rum, Artillery & The Lash (part 2)

"Got a couple n*ggas to shoot
Couple n*ggas who loot
Couple n*ggas do whatever I tell 'em, f**kin' cool
Got a couple bitches my boo
Couple bitches for you
Couple bitches bi
Couple bitches bye bye, baby"

TREE - 10 Mac 11's
(From FREE TREE album; 2023)

Causin' rambunction throughout the sphere with ramshackle Soul-Trap, TREE's back like he left his car keys. Well, he's not #actually back because this is taken from an album of songs recorded over 39 days before he officially turned himself in to do 3 years of porridge. Thankfully for you & me its the same ol' MC TREE G howlin' and hollarin' at the moon shitfaced off moonshine like the Old Dirty Bastard son of Curtom Records. RAWR RAWR like a drunken dungeon dragon, FREE TREE until it's backwards again.

Friday 9 June 2023

F**k off like you're Ernest Baker

Either J Hus' new song with that Canadian nonce is trolling me or God is punishing me for enjoying Hus' Devilish behaviour on It's Crazy. Of all the people Hus could get on this track it had to be THAT frigging guy. This is a Drake guest spot which sets the bar low and then limbos under it sounding like Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black: a textbook example of his usual creepy nonsense that's made all the worse by its rambling length, his cringey attempts at patois, and the shrill deathrattle of how Godawful his voice sounds with a pinch of Auto-Tune. Wasn't it bad enough that One Dance forever besmirched the Do You Mind remix? Brexit is such a failure that we can't even stop Canadian nonces ruining songs by U.K artists. Someone get Suella Braverman on the phone and tell her to forget about illegal immigrants on boats - our J Hus summer jam of 2023 has been invaded by the W.O.A.T rapper who tried to groom Jorja Smith when she was a teenager. To paraphrase that crap Welsh indie band, if you tolerate Drake then your children will be next.

Of course some intrepid soul will edit Drake out of this which will be fine for my personal use, but the damage is already done. This song is bound to become inescapable this summer and every time I hear that Canadian nonce's voice I'm gonna be counting down the days until winter. **EDIT** cheers to one of my commenters who found this particularly smooth edit where you can pretend the Canadian nonce's verse never existed. Summer isn't quite saved yet, but it's a start.

J Hus - Who Told You (no Drake edit)
(From YouTube; 2023)

Thursday 8 June 2023

No Dilla

Zae Shakur - Donuts In A Benz
(From Donuts In A Benz single; 2023)

Best Mr. Saxobeat Type Beat™-core song since Je M'appelle by Benzz or wot? I don't wanna see these basic DJ blokes complaining that there's no uptempo Rap for the clubs when choonz like this exist.

Tuesday 6 June 2023

My Mind Spray 10

Saw AZ live in Manchester on Sunday night. On one hand, it kinda annoyed me he only performed one verse + the hook of every song. On the other hand, it meant he could cram a shitload of his classics and fan-favourites into an hour, which is long enough for any live show. Can't wait until ageing rappers with Generation X fanbases start to perform in seated venues where we can sit down to nod our heads, bust our Rap-hands, and wave our arms in the air like we just don't care.

The AZ show was a day after Saturday's F.A Cup final Mancunian derby so AZ's tour DJ Doo Wop indulged in some Manchester United vs. Manchester City #banter with the crowd. Pity it was wasted on everyone in attendance because nobody from Manchester suports Utd and Citeh don't have any supporters over the age of 14 other than the Gallagher brothers.

In no particular order, top ten Rap songs of 2023 so far IMHO: Lemonade by Max B & DJ Drama, It's Crazy by J Hus, Get Somebody Else To Do It by Day Day Sustaaa & Eatem, So Icy by Kookei, What Do You Like by Nef The Pharoah, Gone (remix) by Berner & The Jacka, Keep Dat N*gga by iCandy, Dia de Los Reyes by Homeboy Sandman, On Wat U On by MoneyBaggYo & GloRilla, and Regular by P-Lo.

You'd swear I was born in a pot the way my blood boiled when I recently saw someone compare RX Papi to Max B. Nah, m8 - Max B is a master songwriter who went on a manic run because he was facing life in prison; RX Papi is a first-take freestyler churning out throwaway tracks for the sake of #content. Your man can't see Max like cheap seats.

Saturday 3 June 2023

**Busy Bee voice** What's your zodiac sign?

"My Capricorn chick tries too much
My Scorpion chick always lies too much
My Taurus chick's way too bossy
My Sagittarius chick's always rollin' with a new posse
I only f**k with my Libra chick when I'm high
'Cause she crazy like my chick that's a Gemini
My Aquarius chick never shows me love
My Aries chick just wants to hold a grudge
I love chillin' with my Cancer chick
But she got a temper, nearly made me crash my whip
My Virgo chick's forever fussin'
And she's a know-it-all, you can't tell her nothin'
My Leo chick stays by my side
Thought I was bad but she got way too much pride
I been runnin' through these lighties since the nineties
Got these bitches in their feelings like a Pisces"

Nines - Calendar
(From Crop Circle 2 album; 2023)

Am I the only Brit who prefers Calendar to Nines' usual Trapper Of The Year borishness? This shit is a unisex jam which is 25% 7 Days, 25% What You Want, 25% Girls, Girls, Girls and 25% precisely what I wanna hear blaring outta Bluetooth speakers in pub beer gardens this summer. If J Hus doesn't wanna drop Road-Rap's 2023 Song of The Summer™ then Calendar is a substitute of the 2006 Henrik Larsson calibre.

Really doe, Nines needs to chill with the Scorpio slander. The only lies we tell are whiter than Young Black Teenagers. It's not what they know, it's what they can prove!