Juke Them, Hoes

Lil' M.U. - Top of Cars
(From Handful maxi EP thingy; 2025)


Johnny The Boxxx ain't even a Rap blogger and yet he posts better Rap songs than most Rap bloggers. So, Lil' M.U heard Move by Mello Buckzz and thought "I can use flip some of those lines into my own Juke-Rap song!" R. Kelly once asked "Can I get a toot-toot? Can I get a beep-beep?" and Lil' M.U has given him a whole next level interpreptation for an answer. Honk if you horny! If someone ever paid me to a Chicago Rap DJ set then I'd play Top of Cars inbetween Next To It by Lupe Fiasco & Ty Dolla $ign and the aforementioned Move by Mello Buckzz.

Don't Get Caught

Babyf×ce E ft. Mello Buckzz - Tweakers
(From Tweakers single; 2025)


On one hand, this is tuff and I have a crush on Mello Buckzz. On the other hand, Babyf×ce E has shamelessly 'borrowed' lyrics from 70th Street Carlos' Government Shutdown and thought nobody would notice. It's not just me who clocked it either because various people in the YouTube comments have picked up on it. Should have tried to disguise your plagiarism with a different flow, m8. You can drop your song, kid, and it don't matter that it's hot, there's still one rule, playa - don't get caught.

Mello Music Group (part 3)

"Flame a n*gga up and grill his ass, barbecue
Paid to fuck, don't ask me if I'm eatin', bitch, I barely chew
Always front for Instagram, n*gga you barely you
How the f*ck you tryna score a point and n*ggas barely shoot?"

Mello Buckzz - Barely Chew
(From YouTube; 2025)


Colder than the temperature in one of Putin's penal colonies. However, this shit needed a second verse IMHO. Thus, rather than consider it an A-side, I'm gonna use this shit as the B-side to Move Pt. 2.

Props to Mello for lookin' sexy while dressed like 2003 era Juelz Santana while wearing some Deidre Barlow lookin'-ass glasses. Ain't naan a bird looked that good in a pair of Cazals since Isabelle Adjani in The Tenant.

Shorty K Back

Robb Bank$ ft. Sir Michael Rocks, Shorty K & Boldy James - Top Shottas 2K25
(From the internet; 2025)


Top notch posse cut belonging to Shaggy's son Robb Bank$. Everybody did their thing and sounded cognizant of each other’s presence over a beat which is effervescently effective. Personally, I'm pretending this is a sequel to Too $hort Back which was recorded for Boldy James' first album.

Mello Music Group (part 2)

Mello Buckzz ft. Monaleo - Move Pt. 2
(From Move Pt. 2 single; 2025)


Two of my favourite singles of the past five years are Move by Mello Buckzz and We Not Humping by Monaleo. Both songs are my ideal standard for modern Rap singles: high BPM big choonz full of big shit talk. And so it makes perfect sense that Monaleo should be the guest for the remix to Mello's Move. Most modern remixes bring out my John Self and have me thinking "what is the point of you?", but, much like the We Not Humping remix with Flo Milli, you can jam the original Move and the remix back-to-back like late buses. Props to Monaleo for selling that "if you scared, bitch, call ya mom because I'm The Bomb.com" with the sheer chutzpah of a Lyricist Lounge rapper in 1998.

Bonus beats: this Mello single from last year has really grown on me. Back when it first dropped I listened to it a few times and thought it was cool. But now I stay spinnin' this shit like a CD. This shit should be retitled Brrr.. BD because it's some Chicago street-Rap that's colder than no clothes in some place like Nova Scotia.

Mello Buckzz ft. G-Herbo - Hmm.. BD
(From Hmm.. BD single; 2024)


Even when Mello drops a single 4 the streetz she still keeps the video packed with more arses than the women's toilets in M&S. Pray 4 those old dears with weak bladders waiting in the snaking queues for the M&S bogs.

Feelin' James

O.Z. - It's A Black Thing
(From Fever For The Flavor album; 1990)


Discovered via EttelThun's early Chicago Rap mix, here's a nice slice of Lakim Shabazz-core. A notable entry in the canon of Chicago Rap songs with samples from James Brown & affiliated artists. Also historically notable since it might be the first 3rd Bass dis song. Word to the motherland, I wonder what O.Z. woulda thought about Chazmaniia?

Related golden-era white boi rapper thoughts: I heard David Bowie & Queen's Under Pressure in full for the first time ever the other day and was flabbergasted at how unlistenable it is other than the intro break. In hindsight, I shouldn't have been so surprised because Bowie and Queen are two of the worst offenders for middle-class British stageschool music. Hearing that bag of shite song in full only makes me appreciate Ice Ice Baby even more than I already do.

So Whatcha Steppin'

"I ain't going to school, mama I'm tired
I just got suspended, mama I lied"

DCG Shun & DCG Bsauv - Steppers Freestyle
(From YouTube; 2024)


Discovered via Noz's 2024 wrap up. DCG x2 goin' back-and-forth like EPMD over Keezo Kane's Ga Ga Ga. Big two-steppin', shit will turn ya feet into lethal weapons. If the DCG bruvs fancy some future tag-teaming over some Chicago dance shit which samples James Brown then may I recommend Cajmere's So Happy.

Let's talk favourite Chicago Rap songs with James Brown & affiliated artist samples. I got these 5 on it.

Mic Terror - Juke Them Hoes (2007)
Common & The 45 King - Car Horn (1999)
TREE ft. Tone Skeet - Pride (2011)
Twista - No Peace Sign (1992)
Crucial Conflict ft. Toi - Ride The Rodeo (1996)

Trunk Muzik

TREE - The 3rd Floor
(From The 3rd Floor mixtape; 2010)


The 3rd Floor has gotta be one of TREE's best songs, right? If he'd never recorded any more music after this, he'd still go down in the history books as mastering the art of Soul-Trap musik on this song. Also a good example of how percussion-free Rap can knock with motion and not linger in the air like a fart in a cold car.

Digging through TREE's YouTube page recently it seems like My Ether was his debut single as a solo artist. Peep his exquisite use of ad libs to fill the spaces during the chorus. A very good debut single which doesn't sound like anything else that dropped in 2010, albeit a very good debut single which doesn't sound like the Soul-Trap musik TREE became known for either.

TREE - My Ether
(From The 3rd Floor mixtape; 2010)


Then again, TREE's sound has always been broader than a lotta folks: Know Y was Swag-Rap with a Chicago twist; 1 Is For The Money sounded like DJ Toomp hooked up a track with the Films drum-break; Probably Nu It sounded like a game of Pong turnt Rap musik; Like Whoa sounds regionally ambiguous in a good way etc etc.

Sittin' here thinking of potential pseudonyms for TREE. So far I've got TREE AKA Branch Nubian AKA Bark The 45 King AKA Chief Leaf AKA Afrika Bambootaa AKA Log Foe.

Common People

"Like the prize in a race, that boy hold the metal
From the scars on his face, I can tell he know the ghetto
Where we both tryna get to, it ain't coincidental
His is on the streets, mines is over instrumentals
The Lord said my mental to be more than sentimental
The ventricles that I vent through are temples of what I been through"

Common & Pete Rock - Wise Up
(From Wise Up single; 2024)


Oh, so that's why Rio Ferdinand's beard has gone grey - Common nicked his Just For Men dye. When I say this sounds like a lost Common song released on 12" by an indie record label between 1998 and 2001, plz believe I mean that as the highest compliment. Common spittin' lines like "my man ain't from Dallas but he know where the tecs is" over a Pete Rock beat that's built on the bones of The Bridge is exactly what I didn't know I needed in 2024.

Headz - what's yer favourite Rap song built on the bones of The Bridge? I'm a Star Is Born by Bloodshed & Cam'Ron man, meself.

Mello Music Group

"Drunk off Taylor's Port might teleport myself into some coochie"

Mello Buckzz - Move
(From Soundcloud; 2023/YouTube; 2024)


Juke them, hoes. Here's a Chicago Drill & Bass booty-chatter booty-clapper with a video that's even more lesbo-erotic than Love Lies Bleeding, albeit minus the gross toe-sucking. Two thumbs up (the butt.)

OJ was a hero/villain to most, but he was always just Detective Nordberg to me

"Car trunk fulla cocaine
And that pistol in my lap go bang
I can never lack, no way
F*ck the police, I'm OJ"

Mic Terror - OJ Simpson
(From No Lives Matter album; 2021)


I was slightly disappointed that Mic Terror didn't capitalise on OJ Simpson's death by belatedly shooting a video for the best song from his No Lives Matter album. It's always said that the L.A police's pursuit of OJ Simpson was the most leisurely car chase of all time, so it makes sense that Mic T's ode to The Juice™ would be some prime "drive slow, homie" music. Big fan of the casual contempt for Fivio Foreign on this shit. That lad was part of my favourite New York Drill song to date, but he's a vacuous empty vessel, and N.Y Drill is novelty Rap even if it does offer up a few choonz every now and then.

Bless the M.I.C

"Head shot - welcome to the Terror dome
I study occult science that was never known
Heroin on the pavement that I'm steppin' on
Listen to me speak to the rhythm of a metronome
I can see your future in a bag of bones
You gonna end up buried in the catacombs"

Mic Terror ft. Bruus - Big Steppas
(From Big Steppas single; 2023)


Good way for Mic Terror to end his productive 2023: one last single produced by none other than Panik from Molemen. Sip the Juice, Molemen still got beats to go around. Call M.T Captain Hook because he knows how to write a boss chorus, most of your favourites don't.

The Titty Song ended being my 2023 Mic T jam of choice. Mic & Gzus Piece snapped when they made that video no f**kin' doubt, those visuals could put a Jack Nicholson smile on The Grouch.

Tuesdays are Terrorable

"You see tears in my eyes? 'Cause I can't feel 'em
And my hoes get all my f*cks, I ain't got none to give 'em
But keep me posted and lemme know when it finally kill him
So I can buy some blunts, cut 'em open and fill 'em"

Mic Terror - Sippin' My Tea
(From No Lives Matter album; 2021/YouTube; 2023)


Belated video for one of the highlights of Mic Terror's last album. M.T spittin' some Zen #problematicist conscious Rap which begins with him metaphorically sippin' some earl grey tea and ends with him literally smokin' a pack celebrating the impending death of a terminally ill enemy. Damn, son - that's cold like them European countries Ill Bill and Vinnie Paz be touring. Now, can we get a video for OJ Simpson next plz?

Bonus beats: make like Positive K and step up front with Mic Terror & Gzus Piece's The Titty Song.

Thnks fr th Mmrs (no Fall Out Boy)

Mic Terror ft. Gzus Piece - The Titty Song
(From The Titty Song single; 2023)


Mic Terror and Gzus Piece have dropped so many songs in 2023 it's difficult to keep abreast of their output. For real, bra - it's tough to focus on two things at once. To misquote Kool G. Rap, The Titty Song is a jugs love story. Mic & Gzus went from the bounce of Thot Boiz to the bump of Tity Boiz with this legit speaker knockerz of a track. Only youz Homeboy Sandbags type lads could front on this one. No shotz, but I need to get summat off my chest: the Rap industry is a buncha suckas because they've boobed big style for not supporting The Titty Song and helping it blow up. Remix coming soon featuring Ganksta N-I-P-S and Milk DD.

**EDIT** damn, the video got hit with an age restriction flag and you can only you can only watch it on YouTube now. An actual tragedy because it's the only Rap video of 2023 which I'd call a work of art.

Smoke Some Kill

Mic Terror - BLDYMRDA
(From BLDYMRDA single; 2023)


File this under 'songs which are one long hook.' Some Bone Thugs-N-Mic T type shit I'm jamming in the hope its frequency will power up Krayzie Bone. Nowadays everybody always fronts like they became instant Bone fans the first time they heard Thuggish Ruggish Bone. Me, I was unconvinced until MTV started playing Foe Tha Love Of $, and then it was on like Donkey Kong and I copped Creepin' On Ah Come Up like it was T.I.'s 4th best single.

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony ft. Eazy-E - Foe Tha Love Of $
(From Creepin' On Ah Come Up EP; 1994)

Wanted dead or alive: dirty Tattoo

"A big butt freak with a butterfly wing on each butt cheek to cover her behind
When she pull her Prada pants down to pop that thing it look like the butterfly be flyin'"

Twista ft. Legit Ballaz - Tattoo (remix)
(From Tattoo (remix) single; 2002)


Anybody got an unedited MP3 of the Tattoo (remix) by Twista & Legit Ballaz? A dirty version exists because I've got it on 12", but I still don't know how to rip records to MP3. This song really should have been on Kamikaze because it's one of Twista's best singles of the noughties. Twista earned the Vividest Author™ of 2002 award with those lyrics quoted up top, huh? Champagne booty-chatter, exquisite freaky tales: words that'll paint a pretty picture in your mind's third eye and turn your penis into a third leg.

PS: also looking for an MP3 of the extended remix of Timbaland & Magoo's Clock Strikes with Mad Skillz. That's another song I can't find anywhere on the internet which only exists on the 12" (I think?)

Life's A Beech

"I peep shit, I beep shit, this Rap shit that weak shit
My kids they don't need shit
My broad she a vegan on the ocean with the pole and what we catch she don't eat shit"

TREE - I Usually Say How I Feel
(From FREE TREE album; 2023)


Mentioned this song a while back but it really deserves a proper post dunnit? I Usually Say How I Feel is what happens when TREE grabs the crispest snare from his sample kit and reimagines some 1996 Busta Rhymes type shit in the Soul-Trap stylee. A good example of why TREE is less a Rap moniker and more a Rap modus operandi: Milk T's music stays rooted in the past but keeps branching out in subtle new directions. Or sumfink lol. 2nd best song on FREE TREE after 10 Mac 11's IMHO.

Beloved by bitches like brown UGGs

"Like to think I'm kinda smart, a n***a coulda been a surgeon
Like the same Gzus Piece in a slightly different person"

Gzus Piece - Rich Off Drugs (R.O.D)
(From Rich Off Drugs (R.O.D) single; 2023)


"To obtain the biscuit one first must risk it
These is non-fiction bars I be throwin' like discus"

Gzus Piece - Hibiscus
(From Hibiscus single; 2023)


Don't get it twisted, Gzus Piece is also lightin' up #MondayMass like Christmas with new techniques which are more holistic mixed with pimp shit and some spiritualistic. Here at The Martorialist we're perennially in a 12" single state of mind, so these two singles go together like Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett as an A-side and B-side. I swear both songs is all chicken whether they're wings or they're tenders.

True story: Rich Off Drugs is the first time I've come across the word Sassafras since Green Day dropped Dookie.

I promise anybody can get it like I'm a communist

"I keep my glock in a purse, you can't endorse it
Oh, you forgot about 2Pac in the corset?
Or Cameo with the red cup on his nuts
You old n*ggas need to shut the f**k up!"

Mic Terror ft. Gzus Piece - Chinese Money
(From Chinese Money single; 2023)


Took me a while to warm to comrade Gzus Piece's flow here, but now I've acclimatised and everything is all Bisto. In fact, it's the exact sort of graviness I want from a 2023 Mic Terror & Gzus Piece song. Check the optimum #ClobberTalk in Mic T's verse defending man-bags from the criticisms of sartorially-stunted old headz with selective memories and Polly Pocket mentalities. These streets are like Baghdad if you ain't carrying your gentlemen's essentials in a man-bag. Less essential, however, is Gzus Piece's fleece jacket in the video. Gorpcore victims have a lot to answer for with making an eyeball-polluting fabric like fleece aesthetically acceptable. The black sheep of Gorp-gear, it's the clobber equivalent of an ironic mullet.

"They let me in with the strap, but they vaccined Cardi B
Why the f**k they sell junk food at the pharmacy?
R. Kelly at a high school game ain't as hard as me
I don't give a f**k, Robert still the king of R&B"

Mic Terror - Lori Lightfoot
(From Lori Lightfoot single; 2023)


Catching up on some of the recent #MondayMass tracks and this one is a jam 4 real in the Mic Terror canon. Still containing multitudes, still reppin' Harold's Chicken Shack, still Chicago's Papi of #Problematic Rap. Real talk, why do they sell Chupa Chup lollipops in pharmacies?

Go fight some other guy

"Your love lookin' through my phone? I can keep that shit
Your love ask you where I'm goin'? You can keep that shit
Don't tell me go see my hoes, 'cause I'll go see that bitch
'Cause either with you or without you Ima be THAT shit
Now I do want you around, but I don't need that shit
You say some mean-ass shit, I think you mean that shit
If it's a toxic situation I will leave that shit
We don't gotta fight to f*ck, just say you need that d*ck
I just need a rolled blunt and a clean-ass crib
And a home-cooked meal from a sweet-ass chick
With a nice booty and some DD-ass t*ts
And I'll be home and outta trouble and I won't be in the mix"

Mic Terror - Is This Love?
(From Is This Love? single; 2023)


Mic Tre on that Devin The Broski shit with this one. Suga Free once said love ain't nothin' but two people feelin' sorry for each other, Mic's stance is more love ain't nothin' but two people learnin' to tolerate each other. Or, to paraphrase Brand Nubian, love me by leavin' me alone. Anyhoo, give our boy a Black Excellence Oscar for delivering some of the best domestic argument faces in a music video since Terrence Howard in Ashanti's Foolish clip.