Sunday 30 April 2017

Generic list post: April 2017

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when thit happenth. The month when holy grails turned up online wholly incomplete. The month when Stormzy's "I come to your team and I f*ck shit up, I'm David Moyes" line came to fruition yet again.

Dru Down - Weak Move (1993)
Luniz - Stupid (1994)
Teddy ft. Dru Down & Yukmouth - Are You In The Mood? (1996)
Valee - Shell (2016)
Quelle Chris - Buddies (2016)
DJ Quik & Problem - Move Something (2017)
Kendrick Lamar - LUST. (2017)
Nef The Pharaoh ft. Slimmy B - Bling Blaow (2017)
Rich Homie Quan - Word Of Mouth (2017)
Kevin MacLeod - Black Vortex (2013)

Other notables: Que Tha Truth's song with 3/4 of Cross Me goes beserk like Red Alert but didn't quite make its way into my regular rotation; Kap G let Lil' Skateboard P down on Icha Gicha; quite like Kodak Black's Patty Cake, but still haven't heard a song of his that's as good as Lockjaw; French Montana & Swae Lee's Unforgettable really should have been a Rae Sremmurd song; Jimmy Wopo's Elm Street 2 suffers from the same problems as the 2nd Freddy movie; AZ's Save Them with Raekwon & Prodigy is just an aged rehash of the Doe Or Die remix and I've already got See The Light if I want one of those; prefer SOB X RBE's Humble to Kendrick Lamar's HUMBLE.; also prefer Bruno Mali's New Skool Ol' Skool to his HA remake.

Friday 28 April 2017

Where was you at when we was gettin' on COPS?

"Icy neck fulla rocks, this bitch I wear'll make the Titanic stop"

Nef The Pharaoh ft. Slimmy B - Bling Blaow
(From The Chang Project compilation; 2017)

More like Bling Blap amirite? Nef The Pharaoh's recent output has hit like Aaron Ramsey at the proverbial barn door, but this shit hits like bass in Husalah's car. Unlike Everything Big, this one is a Nef track which does live up to its Instagram preview snippet:

Brief thoughts on The Chang Project then: where's the slap with Mannie Fresh at? Rappers who tease previews of songs on Instagram and then take dumb long to drop them need to start getting fined. $25 per week sounds like a good starting price for late fee offenders.

Thursday 27 April 2017

Fixxed up

"Grab that cheek with 1 hand, use the other for glasses
It's a rookie-dookie party in here, lots of new asses
Who gon' shake it the fastest? Who push slow like molasses?
I'm just tryna thow some Georges, I ain't lookin' for passes
I turn this dope into ashes, I"m like German, I'm fascist
That means I like to f*ck they faces, eat on titties that's flappy"

DJ Quik & Problem - Move Something
(From Rosecrans album; 2017)

DJ Quik's got a problem fixxer and his name is, um, Problem. Why? Because a decade on from 2007, Move Something is the song Can U Werk Wit Dat shoulda been. If Kap G's recent Icha Gicha track was some half-arsed booty-chatter, then Move Something here is a prime sirloin rumpshaker.

The unlikely highlight of the new tracks on this expanded version of Rosecrans or wot?

Wednesday 26 April 2017

LudaThizz: when Ludacris met Mac Dre

Ludacris - Get Back
(From The Red Light District album; 2004)

Tonight's winning pub quiz question: which rapper inspired the over-familiar local rap CEO who Ludacris finds lurking in the men's toilet in Get Back's video? Answer: Mac Dre, with the video being based on an actual IRL chance encounter between the 2 rappers at some point during 2004.

Allegedly, the story unfurls summat like this: Ludacris is in Oakland for a show and is taking a slash in the venue's backstage bathroom when a pilled-up Mac Dre approaches him outlining a plan for Playaz Circle to release an album on Thizz Entertainment, and an invitation for Luda to come to his studio to record a song together. Ludacris politely declines both offers, but is so bemused by Mac Dre's demeanour he decides to recreate an elaborated version of events in his next single's video, in which the director Spike Jonze hires Fatlip from The Pharcyde to impersonate Dre. Mac Dre doesn't even get an opportunity to give Ludacris the Little Bruce treatment as payback because Def Jam drops the Get Back video a mere 8 days after Dre's death in november 2004. To this very day, Mac Dre's close friends like PSD are still furious with Ludacris (though PSD had previous issues), and Luda can count himself very lucky he never found himself alone in a bathroom with Mac Minister (no George Michael.)

Who emerges from this unfortunate tale with the least dirt on their hands - Ludacris for poking fun an intoxicated Oakland underground legend trying to network with a bonafide star? Def Jam for releasing a video mocking a recently deceased rapper? Fatlip for metaphorically stabbing a fellow west coast rapper in the back? Or Mac Dre for not observing the proper etiquette when tryna discuss business in a public toilet?

Monday 24 April 2017

Nervous rapper on a $4 Jazz sample

Enter Quelle Chris - age 20-something, and where some men leave a mark of their lives as a record of their fragmentary existence on Earth, this man leaves a blot: a dusty Bandcamp account to document a cheap and undistinguished sojourn amongst Detroit's legions of backpack-rappers. What you're about to hear on Buddies is a strange sort of mortal combat, where a rapper whose career has been given over to fighting unfavourable comparisons finds Me, Myself & I in Friend Or Foe. There was a rumble-jumble, just under 4 minutes it lasted, the mirror said "y'all are, you neurotic bastard!"

"I look in the mirror
Like who is that n*gga?
I'm cool with that n*gga
I'm through with these n*ggas"

Quelle Chris - Buddies
(From Being You Is Great, I Wish I Could Be You More Often LP; 2017)

Exit Quelle Chris - formerly a reflection in a mirror, a fragment of his own ego, a wishful thinker made out of glass, but now made out of flesh, juggling self-doubt and self-confidence like Bobby May, and on his way to join the company of other backpack rappers whose Jansports are filled with eccentricity rather than earnestness. Mr. Quelle Chris, with one foot through the door into Legit Jam™ land and one foot out of the Bandcamp Zone.

(Featured this song on my recent late pass! playlist, but it really does deserve its own post now it has a video. Truly yours ain't heard a backpack tune this quick to whip up a script like Rod Sterling since Madvillain's Avanlache.)

Sunday 23 April 2017

Long silky hair so he don't care about brims

More proof that Dru Down's closet coulda kept his whole 'hood fly for five years back in the 90s - bitch, we fitted! You gotta acknowledge what he did in Cobra's Sliden video, menswear blogga:

Don't even front like Husalah's Gear wasn't cut from the same cloth as Yukmouth's Stuntastic. The fashions may have changed, but what is "that's the colour of guacamole on ya nacho" if not "cherry Blossom Louis Vuitton on some golf shorts" in different tones & textures for your Arm Leg Leg Arm Head, yaddamean?

Friday 21 April 2017

Where U At?

Jimmy Wopo - Elm Street 2
(From YouTube; 2017)

Alas, not a Jimmy Wopo part deux of the Walkin' Bomb 2 calibre. Also weirdly analogous to the Nightmare On Elm Street movie franchise in that it's a patchy follow-up to a classic. Somebody shoulda told Wopo that rappers are only supposed to record sequels to songs which were misfires - that way the fans don't end up disappointed and the rapper doesn't look desperate.

Still, at least we now know what happened to the bizzy who Wopo kidnapped at the end of the Elm Street video because there's far too many rap vids with "To Be Continued..." cliffhangers left unresolved foreverever. It's tragic enough that Slim Dunkin died IRL, let alone that his little lad who was abducted from a parking garage in the Blindside video is now pretend-lost for eternity like the rap video equivalent of Keith Bennett. Holla back, missing young'ns!

Thursday 20 April 2017

Born to Audiomack: late pass! (2017 edition)

Ol' Martorialist had a new ongoing playlist
E.I like Nelly, (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh)

And on this playlist he had some non-2017 joints he's either discovered or had an epiphany with over the past 4 months
E.I like Nelly, Wu Wuu Wuuu

With a Dru Down here, and a Camp Lo there, here a Eightball & MJG, there a Toon & Ya Boy Big Choo, and everywhere a Quelle Chris

Ol' Martorialist posted the aforemented new ongoing playlist
E.I like Nelly, I never liked OOOUUU

**EDIT** Audiomack switched their whole system up and done f*cked everything up. Click on the playlist to take you to the page and jam that shit.

Tuesday 18 April 2017

Got the phone in the back of my Levi's

Rich Homie Quan - Heart Cold
(From Back To The Basics album; 2017)

Red tabs on the red carpet, Japanese looms over ya Fruit Of The Looms. Is it a coincidence that Rich Homie Quan's Return To Form™ corresponds with him switching from Robin's to Levi's? #Menswear expert Dr. Dru reckons not. Good as Heart Cold and Replay are, ya host is not entirely sold on the "QUAN'S BACK!" narrative quietly gathering steam on t'internet, mind, because neither of 'em go quite as hard as his one Legit Jam of 2016 (the Martorialist edit, natch!) If not exactly a Return To Form™ then it's definitely a return from the wilderness. Maybe Quan realised Mike Ashley is the Birdman of the Tyne? Maybe YFN Lucci was just keeping Quan's spot warm after all?

**EDIT** After spending some quality time with this album, Word Of Mouth has revealed itself as The Jam. It isn't necessarily the most immediate track, but it's deceptively catchy like Herpes on a Weatherspoons' pint glass. Word around town, rap's most notable trip to the barbers since Mouse On Tha Track's Liberation (The Cut):

Rich Homie Quan - Word Of Mouth
(From Back To The Basics album; 2017)

Saturday 15 April 2017

Another major L for The Guardian's coverage of rap music (part 234)

After using a picture of 2 lesbians for a Rae Sremmurd article recently, The Guardian have gone back to the essence for their latest rap faux pas. God bless those clueless indie journalist fux who still think Grandmaster Flash was a rapper:

Coming soon in The Guardian: the 30th anniversary of Eric B. & Rakim's Paid In Full, as told by the God M.C Eric B.

Friday 14 April 2017

Manneus horribilis

My high hopes for Kap G's first official Lil' Skateboard P beat/hook combo track, dashed on the rocks of another disappointing 2017 rap song. If there's one thing the College Park Mexican can do, it's sell his eye-rolling wordplay with chutzpah, so there's no excuse for him coming through with some half-arsed booty chatter on Icha Gicha. G & P's lost remix of J. Balvin's Safari was shelved but this was deemed fit for release???

Kap G ft. Pharrell Williams - Icha Gicha
(From SuperJefe album; 2017)

Sad thing is, this one still sounds better than the rest of Kap's new album of generic Chris Brown collaborations, Chinese Jordan YFN Lucci-isms, and factory-fodder trap production. You don't listen to Kap G full lengths for cohesion, but you do expect at least one Legit Jam™ per project, and this SuperJefe album doesn't have owt worth adding to my best of Vato playlist. Someone get this mang in the studio with some Happy Perez Flamenco guitar beats and don't let him out until he's spittin' zingers like Tim Vine.

Wednesday 12 April 2017

I don't gotta be in yo' house to f*ck up yo' couch!

R.I.P to Charlie Murphy, I had to regurgitate. Forever the greatest rap song to be inspired by one of Charlie's True Hollywood Stories segments on The Chappelle Show:

"See, I'll be all up in people cars, dumping ashes laughin'
Spitting, wiping snot, fuck using a napkin"

Bailey - F*ck Yo Couch
(From Champ Bailey album; 2006)

Bonus beats: never forget Bailey & J. Valentine's Hyphy remix of I'm Sprung.

Tuesday 11 April 2017

Late pass!

Teddy ft. Dru Down & Luniz - Are You In The Mood? (LP Version)
(From Are You In The Mood? single; 1996)

Recently discovered by ya host, some 90's Mob & Bullshit via the C-Note Records allstars & the very same Teddy who did the hook on Playa Hata. Shit is a jam but it musta stayed underground with The Fraggles because Noo Trybe never released a Teddy LP. Those guest credits are kinda misleading, though - Dru Down only delivers a quick prelude to Yukmouth's verse, and Numskull doesn't even get 1 bar on it, let alone 5.

*EDIT* Uploaded the MP3 to Audiomack here

Sunday 9 April 2017

Hammer time!

Alf Garnett sez: "Us 52%ers didn't vote Brexit so them bloody Ghancehall artists from Bongo-Bongo Land could come to our country and chirpse all our crumpet! The fing about these fackin' foreigners is that they ain't fussy when it comes to how's yer father - that Shatta Wale lad will stick his Bobby Moore up Stefflon Don's Battersea and then slip his Julian Dicks into Janine Butcher's east end innit!"

Shatta Wale - London Girls
(From t'internet; 2017)

Ya Host sez: "Song is hot like a tea kettle get! Whether you live in Clapham, Oldham, Wrexham, Strathan or Cloghan, London Girls is a legit Summer Jam™ for the first weekend of 2017 when all us Brits can get our scotch eggs out like yung Fat Frank on the pitch! Can't we all just get along so I can put hickies on her A$$ like Big Sean?"

Thursday 6 April 2017

Hero vs. Villain

Picture not bloggas own, unfortunately.

Can't believe the CMDegreez guy is steady hoggin' his copy of this tape and refusing to hook up the full MP3s of Cash Money Gorilla and the alternate version of U.T.P. Hombre is not so much Hero Vs. Villain, but Hero & Villain simultaneously.

*Juve voice* What's the use in you teasin' a song snippet if you won't rip it?

Wednesday 5 April 2017

"Welcome 3 talented young men who have added new and large dimensions to the beat from the street"

Apropos of it being exactly 25 years to the day since Buff Love The Human Beatbox died in 1995 according to ya host's Facebook feed, here's the Fat Boys lip-syncing their way through Jail House Rap on Soul Train in 1984 before Don Cornelius has them perform Human Beat Box live mid-interview. You cannae spell Burr without the Brr:

Never forget it was Dru Down not Mysonne who first remade Jail House Rap. Apparently recorded for the Original Gangstas movie Dx2 made his acting debut in, but shelved because he already had a Fat Boys remake popping that year. Oh well, at least the Original Gangstas soundtrack had a legit slap by Dru's BFFs the Luniz.

Tuesday 4 April 2017

Louisiana trombones alert!

'Eh up Que Tha Truth, it's been a minute since you caught my ear. Wasn't expecting to hear you in 2017 with 3/4 of the Cross Me line-up over Trel Itz A Hit beserker-bounce, but here we are:

Que Almighty ft. 70th Street Carlos & JMM Larry - Put That On Gang
(From Soundcloud; 2017)

*Edit* yes I now realise it's a tuba not a trombone.

Sunday 2 April 2017


Anyone else been checking those Goons Of The Industry videos about some of the legendary career criminals lurking behind the scenes in the 90s rap business? These started popping up on YouTube a couple of months ago, and they're basically F.E.D.S Magazine in video form. Essential viewing for all rap gossip-hounds, so sez ya host Dead Perez:

The score used in these videos is akin to the Mastermind theme as composed by Gustav Holst. 1:31 to 2:04 is what it sounds like when planets collide:

Kevin MacLeod - Black Vortex
(From Action Cuts album; 2014)