Monday 31 December 2012

Ayo Rey - Dope by Tha Joker was definitely my favourite song on your list

Kinda feel like Tha Joker didn't really capture the song's lugubrious essence in the video, though, bruv, as it surely called for him to channel Juelz et Jim by sitting in the middle of his block pretending to tinkle the ivories and/or gallivanting around with a child's umbrella in the rain on said block :

"I'm gone off xanax and codeine
my momma tellin' me I'm a dope fiend"

Tha Joker - Dope
(From The Phenom album; 2011)

Other blogs would pro'lly describe this as Future without the frequencies or a bigger budget interpretation of one of Foxx's blackout-ballads, but here at The Martorialist the whole damn team agree that Dope is more like the new Sober by Jae Millz : i.e. what happens when a fairly generic punchline Rapper accidentally chances on an incredible piano-laden beat that's way too good for him, realises his plebian ass is way outta its depth and strives for something more transcendental; the something more transcendental in this instance being a soundtrack for dejected strippers to wipe the tears from their eyes with crumpled $5 bills as they're spreading their puckered brown eyes wide open.

Sunday 30 December 2012

Top 3 things I've learned from the 100GrandOnMyWrist 2012 collabo post

1. That story about Husalah having no idea who Feva is or how his verses ended up on Handsome and HighSide is really true.

2. I completely forgot about that Philthy Rich joint with DB Tha General, which is way more deserving of a place on my best songs of 2012 list than 3 Bitches At The Same Time.

3. The only thing more popular with Thomas' cabal of buddies from the Rap innanet than Cousin Fik songs/songs featuring Cousin Fik is some dope HD & G-Dirty joint with a Marvin Gaye sample that even Thomas had slept-on.

Check the post and my contribution here.

Saturday 29 December 2012

Rap game Stoke City

In which Baton Rogue Rap's answers to the Brooklyn Brawler, Salvatore Sincere and Bob Holly converged for a no-star remix of It B Going Down and somehow went I Smoke, I Drank on 'em. Really wish somebody had told me about this hometown B.R club anthem earlier because Dope Man and I Try were the only Mista songs which made much of a ripple on the Rap internet in 2012 and this sub-zero remix galumphs so much harder than either of those :

"Bitches on our dick, I can't blame 'em 'cuz we popular
big long dick have you screamin' like a opera"

Mista ft. Level & Young Ready - Going Down (G mix)
(From Cain Muzik 2.0 mixtape; 2012)

For the 3 readers who care about Baton Rogue Rap minutiae as deeply as I do, Mista and Young Ready are the Rappers Foxx nonchalantly eviscerated on Shut Up earlier this year. While my fanboy flag is firmly planted in the #TeamFoxx camp, it's practically impossible for me to dislike any track featuring Young Ready that's a direct bambino of the 1 Rubber type 3-way B.R stomp stupendo' :

"Toot that ass and leave it up, sh-sh-she left me speechless
went extra hard, she drained my nuts, sh-sh-she left me skeetless"

Young Ready ft. C-Loc & Max Minelli - 1 Rubber
(From Tha Camp.. Break It Off album; 2007)

Thursday 27 December 2012

Martorial elegance : A-Mafia edition

Not even mad that Realest N*gga In My City has turned out to be the best cut on the new A-Mafia mixtape because it's a top 3 N.Y joint of 2012 and attests to 'Mafia's insistence that The War Report is his favourite Rap CD, nor am I particularly mad that he's featured the Real Live Pro remix on no less than 4 successive mixtapes now because he probably paid a pretty penny for 2 Chainz's presence so he might as well get his money's worth since the video has yet to hit 50 thousand views.

What am I am visibly umadd about is that the best new cut on the 'tape has been bestowed with an in-studio performance video where our host is wearing a hoody made by Super Dry AKA the piss-poor pretend-Japanese British brand beloved of sports science student wankers, casual dads who are way too old to be wearing tacky heavily logo-ed clothing, provincial banter lads who think Top Man Rihanna t-shirts & elasticated chinos are for benders, and racially confused yout's who can't afford Jack Wills :

"Some days it was no meals
everything no frills
how I'ma ride my bike when it ain't got no wheels?"

A-Mafia - Story Of My Life
(From Straight Savage mixtape; 2012)

My worst Rap nightmare writ large has got me all Natalie Imbruglia : on one hand, A-Mafia's heartbreaking tale of growing up poor on Story Of My Life makes me want to give him a firm, manly bro-hug; on the other hand, I can't possibly emotionally invest in a Rapper who wears clothes worn by the worst sub-sections of British society.

Wednesday 26 December 2012

God bless Thomas from 100GrandOnMyWrist

Remember a couple of years back when Beeda Weeda's Baserock Babies blew everyone's speakers to the extent where it even had misery guts Boom-Bap dinosaur's car stereos doing backflips? This new Beeda posse slap with Messy Marv, B-Legit and J. Stalin that Thomas just posted should have the same effect :

"I don't shoot for the stars, I like to shoot 'em down
I'm like a u-haul truck the way I move around
scuba divin' through the water, n*ggas usually drown
I find a way to put it down off in any town"

Beeda Weeda ft. Messy Marv, B-Legit & J. Stalin - Mack'n & Mobb'n
(From Mack'n, Trap'n & Rap'n 2 mixtape; 2012)

B-Legit cameos in 2011/2012 are basically the modern day equivalent of pre-Illmatic Nas verses, IMO.

Monday 24 December 2012

Fat Lace back! (again)

Drew and Dan take time out from spending their porn baron/jet-setting DJ loot to drop a new spodcast featuring a caboodle of classics and hidden jams by Chill Rob G, the Beatnuts, Salt 'N' Pepa, the New Style, Disco 4, Spyder D etc as well as some super secrete & rare Texa$ shit by BKA Rock and a cut by the U.M.C.'s side project group 321 :

Sunday 23 December 2012

Did you guys enjoy the latest Twitter spat between David Drake and Brendan Soderberg or not?

Tweetz is talkin' about how Rap blogger beefs just ain't as good as the halcyon days of 2004 - 2008 no mo', but who pwned who the hardest during that most recent SoManyShrimp versus No Trivia tiff?

Aren't cheap shoots involving David Drake's Google Alert settings for ‘Chief Keef review’ pretty funny even when they come from a rapist-protecting idiot savant like Brendan Soderberg??

Should Drake hire a ghostwriter for his future Twitter beefs with Soderberg since he failed to get a single zinger in regarding the jaw-dropping irony of a SPIN hack who writes favourable reviews for his industry friends/unfavorable reviews of Rappers connected to his Twitter enemies recently complaining that the Village Voice has "no integrity"???

Is the Rap blogosphere finally going to get its very own Will High versus Vordul situation in 2013 now Drake and Soderberg reside in the same city????

Friday 21 December 2012

Letter To My Son by Don Trip was a shit song

Thankfully Grip Plyaz is here for all you dudes out there IRL struggling with erstwhile baby-momma drama this Christmas who don't want to listen to an overly-earnest $tarlito wannabe who completely misses the point by Rapping with TOO MUCH EMPHASISSSSS. Sendin' this one out to official extended Martorialist famalam Chemical Alan and Scotty Dee :

"I can't believe she tried to play me
shawdy took my son and drove a n*gga slap crazy"

Grip Plyaz - Child Support
(From Purp, Wind And Fire album; 2012)

It's a testament to how phantasmagorically good Child Support is that it could pass as a lost DJ Quik & Robert Bacon-produced cut for Backbone on the Dungeon Family compilation album. You cheap bastards have no excuse in not downloading the six good songs from Purp, Wind And Fire now you no longer have to pay for them. Just ignore the three songs featuring Trinidad James on a general point of principle even if one of them is actually pretty good, okay? Naw, neo-Rap space cadet, this ain't the place for dat.

Thursday 20 December 2012

R.I.P Richard Tre Mane

Blogota Rich is dead, please bid a warm welcome to your new host Fredo Fantano.

The festive holidays are an expensive time when even the Finally Rich amongst us have to balance the moolah going out with the moolah coming in, so raise a toast to another instalment of "This is reality-Rap, I really go through it" with Dormtainment's Ballin' Ona Budget, before you raise another toast to songs with bass lines which can turn the interior of any automobile into an air-pocket of alto-reverb :

"Bills is all I know - water, phone and electric
at least I got my charm....... (pendant necklace)"

Dormtainment - Ballin' Ona Budget
(From Broke & Famous album; 2012)

Wednesday 19 December 2012

Who'll be the next Nu-Metal nonces?

With news breaking that Lostprophets frontman Ian Watkins is on some Andre Williams type shit, will Papa Roach's Last Resort video with its smorgasbord of underage girls sulking in the bedroom of some surburan bungalow end up as the Nu-Metal equivalent of that old clip of Clunk Click where Jimmy Savile and Gary Glitter ominously drape their arms around/drool over a bunch of teenage girls from Broadmoor who'd later go on to press sexual assault charges against them? (no Das Racist)

Think about it, yo: not only is the Last Resort video little more than nonce masturbation fodder masquerading as a music video by a second tier Nu-Metal band, but Papa Roach and Lostprophets even share the same career trajectories - tubby whiggas in XXXL jeans with Go Racer stripes down the side who were forced to lose weight, smear on the Mascara and start dressing like a Costco budget version of Velvet Revolver by their record label once the Nu-Metal ship started sinking.

It's all fun and games when you guys speculate about Fieldy from KORN hanging out in the parking lots of junior high schools, or try to remember which Nu-Metal band that cunt with the stupid beard + hair who pretended to play guitar on that X-Ecutioners song with Mike Shinoda was in, but if it transpires that Wes Borland buggered Tony Hawk's son during the Break Stuff video shoot then the best Rock song of the last thirty years is dead to me.

Tuesday 18 December 2012

Rap game Joey Barton's pigeon-French accent

Listen very carefully, I shall say zis only vonce : some French lad just compiled ya boy Fredo Fantano's right chea's best rap songs of 2012 list into a couple of RAR files for doz dat slept. Thanx, bruv :

Part one and part two

The list had already been subject to an edit on sunday for a couple of new songs which've emerged since it went live by Mystikal and Grip Plyaz, as well as songs I'd forgotten about by Philthy Rich and Game. If only mon frere who compiled the RARs had held out one more day he could've added #Banter anthem Futuristic Lingo by Lil' Trill & Shell too. Never mind, eh?

Lil' Trill & Shell - Futuristic Lingo
(From By Any Means Necessary album; 2012)

You know who needs to drop 2012 song lists already? ANU and Rey.

Monday 17 December 2012

Master P's version of the trademark Rick Ross grunt ad lib >>>>

I got questions like Percy Miller on the Tru 2 Da Game intro :

1. Doesn't it warm your cockles to know that P can vanish from the Rap game for years, reappear, and not miss a trick in re-imagining whichever Gang$ta-Rappers are currently popular in his own inimitably eccentric image like it's 1992 - 1998 all over again?

2. Post-RealN*ggaTumblr, can we all agree that the only good things to come out of A$AP Rocky's career are the Trilla instrumental and the re-emergence of P and No Limit?

3. How'd I manage to completely miss I Ain't Feelin' That until yesterday when I've kept abreast with everything else P has dropped over the last year or so from the TMZ : Too Many Zeros, the joint with Game, and all those recent tracks with Fat Trel & Alley Boy?

4. What's gonna infuriate Rap purists more : the first dope Primo beat in years having Master P rhyming on it or I Ain't Feelin' That right chea being better than anything on that milquetoast new Big Boi album?

"Don't ask me why I'm doin' it 'cause, bitch, I'm so real
got bananas for the monkeys, pull 'em out and let 'em peel"

Master P ft. Louis V Mob - I Ain't Feelin' That
(From the internet/Uptown Veteran mixtape; 2012)

Saturday 15 December 2012

Just sayin', bruv # 4.5

Two unpopular opinions for the weekend : Mr. Eon had a better Rap voice than Kendrick Lamar, and the revamped version of One By One from the Smut Peddlers album is the second best thing Cage was involved in after 54 :

Smut Peddlers - One By One
(From Porn Again album; 2000)

Friday 14 December 2012

More rapist defending of Das Racist by SPIN; possible racism too

Did all y'all catch Julienne Shepherd accusing Will Staley of vague misogyny on Twitter last week after he casually asked what Das Racist's hypeman who dates a music magazine editor is going to do now his group have split up? Looks like this is the payback for 30 odd years of sexism in Rap music, folks : a female critic who puts up with a sleazebag rapist boyfriend in order to further her journalism career complaining that anyone who dares to point out Das Racist owed their entire success to her and her SPIN street team jabronies is on a par with domestic abuser Justin Lee Collins.

Never fear, though, lads, cads, bounders, love-rats and Rap Game Sid The Sexists, because Grip Plyaz has returned to restore the misogyny levels in Rap music with an amazing new song which reduces the women in his life to only being memorable by their hips and arses over a beat which goes duu-duu-duu-duu and dee-dee-dee-dee-dee :

"Shawdy superbad with a stupid frame
ass off the chain
y'know, wasaname?"

Grip Plyaz - Wasaname
(From Purp, Wind & Fire album; 2012)

More importantly, have all y'all noticed SPIN scribes like Brendan Sodemberg and Charles Aaron deriding Mystikal as an "unrepentant shithead", an "awful person", and "a mentally unstable, criminally violent, and desperately fucked-up individual" at the same damn time as they pen heartfelt eulogies to Das Racist, which not only gloss over the rape allegations towards them but also paint them as a trio of misunderstood swell guys?

Your humble author right chea wouldn't dare suggest that there's an undercurrent of mild racism present in SPIN's coverage of Rap music, but according to Soderberg and Aaron a black rapist who's paid his debt to society for taking part in a rape = vilest person since Hitler, while their slightly more exotically ethnic rapist buddies in Das Racist who are yet to be convicted on sexual assault charges = salt of the earth dudes who wouldn't hurt a fly.

Wednesday 12 December 2012

As Prince nearly once said

This is what it sounds like when androids cry :

King Louie - More Bandz
(From Drilluminati mixtape; 2012)

Obviously, the most exciting thing about the new King Louie mixtape is that we're finally allowed to talk about Band Nation without whispering, but mixtape climax More Bandz is also pretty special since it sounds like heartbroken cyborgs crying over being dumped by the White Witch of Narnia. Or sumfink.

So, anyhoo, has Shy Glizzy officially just become Noz's riposte to David Drake's Chief Keef in their D.C vs. Chicago Rap beef then?

Monday 10 December 2012


Thank you, tastemaker Noz - @$$ On The Internet and Leggings Song from Dormtainment's Broke and Famous album are very much relevant to this blog's interests, and their earlier hit Fart In Front Of Me is some reality-Rap, I really go through it!!!!

"It might smell bad, but it feels so good
your fart in the morning gives me morning wood"

Dormtainment - Fart In Front Of Me
(From We're Not Rappers But We Rap mixtape; 2010/Youtube; 2011)

Can we get a Mic Terror X Dormtainment collabo ASAP, plz?

Saturday 8 December 2012

I can do dat

Proudest Martorialist achievement of 2012? Inspiring the O.G Boom-Bap dinosaur blog don Robbie to quote DB Tha General lyrics on teh Twitter!

What, you ain't know ya boy Paul Robbin' Son right chea and Robbie go back like Harold Bishop and Lou Carpenter? The Rap internet is like Lassiters and most of these dudes are just rentin' rooms in our hotel, motel, holiday inn.

Aussie soap-related Rap puns time : ErinsDorrough, Toadfish RebecChi Ali, Joan A$AP Ferguson, Prisoner Celly Cel Block H, Summer Ay Bay Bay, Thuns & Daughters.

Wednesday 5 December 2012

Obligatory best Rap songs of 2012 list

Year-end lists are the only time you ever want to be early to the party so here's to 2012 AKA the year which gave us a critically acclaimed album by a Rapper who I found practically unlistenable on his song with Gunplay, the year which has still yet to give us Husalah's customary one great song per annum, and the year I'm gonna humbly take credit for Katie Got Bandz's success and Das Racist's break-up. This was also the year which finally presented me with a few Rick Ross solo joints I like since they don't sound like mock-Jeezy or pastiches of American Gangster-era Jay-Z, and which gave the world a great Chief Keef song I never want to hear again due to its terrible G.O.O.D Music remix with KanYe's unintentionally hilarious Junior Reid vocal samples and Jadakiss' ridiculously silly Christian Bale as Batman voice.

So, these are the songs that've rocked my world in 2012. Can't be arsed separating them into singles and album or mixtape cuts + loosies this year since so few of the singles I like become hits nowadays, and, as ever, la r├Ęgle du jeu are one song per artist and no order of preference.

A-Mafia - Realest N*gga In My City
Fam-Lay - Clap Clap
Ampichino & Young Bossi ft. Yukmouth - Runaway
Gunplay - Jump Out
Rick Ross - High Definition
Mic Terror - Rodney King
Chinx Drugz ft. French Montana - I'm A Coke Boy
Coke Boyz ft. Stack Bundles - Tap That
DB Tha General - Don't Worry
Alpoko Don - Get My Paypa, Dog
Killa Kyleon & Mouse On Tha Track - Freddy Krueger
Mouse On Tha Track - Raise A Finger
Foxx - I Wonder
$hizz & Foxx ft. Webbie - Send Ya Hit Man
Lil' Phat - Countin' Money
Troy Ave - I Know Why You Mad
Clyde Carson ft. The Team - Slow Down
TREE - Sunday School
Young Giftz ft. TREE - Nino
$tarlito - Clap For Him
Travis Porter - Ballin'
E-40 ft. Cousin Fik - Wasted
Cousin Fik - Knocka N*gga Down
DJ Paul - Cocky
N.O.R.E - Kenny Powers
Skip ft. Wacko - Bandana
Future - Trending Topic
Nicki Minaj ft. 2 Chainz - Beez In The Trap
Jackie Chain - So Throwed
Feva ft. Husalah & Franchise - Handsome
Dubb 20 & Husalah - Been A While
Katie Got Bandz - Hittaz Only
King Louie ft. Shorty K - Hitta Shit
Roc Marciano - We Ill
Alchemist ft. Roc Marciano - The Turning Point
NhT Boyz - Freeway
Gucci Mane ft. Rocko - Plain Jane
Frenchie ft. Trick-Trick - Jack Shit
Bo Deal - N*gga Rich
Nas ft. Mary J. Blige & DJ Hot Day - Reach Out
Drumma Boy ft. 8Ball & MJG - Smokin' On That Loud
Treal Lee & Prince Rick ft. Ace Hood - Transform
Max Minelli - Safe Place
Kevin Gates - Radio
TKO Capone ft. RiFF RaFF - Lil' Mama I'm Sorry
Rich Kidz - Never Did
Lil' Durk ft. Fredo Santana - Wild N*ggas
Problem - Trippin'
Ty Dolla $ign - My Cabana
GLC ft. Raheem Devaughn - Cathedral
DG Yola - Ain't It Funny
Black Rob ft. Snaggapuss & Sadat X - Can't Make It In N.Y remix
J. Stalin - The Molly Song
Lil' Cali - Me And My Thugs
Diamond ft. Jackie Chain & Juicy J - At The Bar
Short Kidd - The Mafia
LoveRance ft. 50 Cent, IamSu! & Skipper - UP! remix
IamSu! - Two Eleven
Show Banga ft. Kool John & IamSu! - Party Ain't A Party
Fat Trel - Swishers & Liquor
HD ft. Lil' Rod - Pursuit Of Happiness
Beanie Sigel - Kush Dreaming
Krypto ft. Beanie Sigel, Freeway & Axion Jaxion - Black Tie Affair
Mystikal - Hit Me
Philthy Rich - 3 Bitches At The Same Time
Game ft. Master P - HVN4AGNGSTA
Grip Plyaz - Wasaname
Sasha Go Hard - Why They Mad?

Tuesday 4 December 2012

The Alpoko Don mixtape is appalling

The Rapper with the ultimate less-is-more m.o could've simply vanished leaving us a handful of great recordings on some 4-2 Tha Dome type shit, but dude had to go and fuck his whole legacy up by dropping a mixtape where he rhymes over the blandest, most mosquitoes-shagging-on-a-sheet-of-paper soundin' ass beats you've ever heard which completely nullifies everything that made Get My Paypa, Dog and All I Need so unique and appealing in the first place.