Young Bari ft. BossLife Big Spence - That's A Playa
(From On The Radar YouTube channel; 2026)
A pleasant surprise to see one of the best NorCal Rap singles right now on a big platform like On The Radar. What a pity that it's a mimed performance with Bari & Spence looking like Milli Vanilli. This performance has big replay value for me tho because Bari & Spence have got the song's producer Pay$ean up in the video looking awkward but happy to be there. More rappers should give their producers a moment in the spotlight. Without the beats these rappin' arse MFs would be slam poetry battle rappers - a fate more embarrassing than being a stand-up comedian.
That "BAWSE! TALK! WALK! BABY!" bridge near the end before the final chorus comes in is a true Slap-Magnifico moment for me. Very rare double-whammy in a modern day Rap song.
Royal House - Can You Party?
(From Top Of The Pops TV show; 1988)
Todd Terry released the proto-Rave classic Can You Party? under his Royal House pseudonym in 1988, and it was the first New York Hip-House track to blow up in Britain. When that shit become a U.K Top 20 hit in late '88, Terry was invited to perform the track on our weekly TV music chart show Top Of The Pops. The urban rumour has always been that none of the people onstage are #actually Todd Terry, and Champion Records who licensed Can You Party? for U.K release just hired Sonique and three black British blokes to pretend to be Royal House. I've always subscribed to this theory until I saw this late 80s picture of Todd minus his trademark baseball cap. The bloke up front miming the "CAN YOU FEEL IT?"s is him innit? Dial M for Martorialist if you agree!
Madness - Night Boat To Cairo
(From Le Collaro Show; 1980)
Because I'm still in the 2 Tone zone after Dance Craze, here's Madness doing Night Boat To Cairo on some French TV show in 1980. It's a mimed performance, but in the best way possible. Word around town, England's 2022 World Cup semi-final loss to France was reparations for this clip. Parlez-vous Francais, mi amor, merci, oui oui, bon bons, good moaning and all apologies.
Robert Tepper dramatically lip-syncing his way through the best song from the Rocky IV OST on some German TV show. Lotta speculation in the YouTube comments about whether Tepper colours his hair or not, but I couldn't care less meself - if he dyes, he dyes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's non-Rap week here on The Martorialist, mainly because ya host has been struck down by a strong dose of blogger's block. Thus, here's a companion to the 80's Rap 101 post generic list post: 101 great non-Rap songs from the decade when Paolo Rossi was never called an arsehole.
Another timeout from Rap shit with 80's pop sensations, because I do have the patience to deal with these Cockney & Irish-born caucasians. This time it's the first two times that Bananarama touched down to cause Heaven on Dick Clark's American Bandstand.
Highlight: probably the worst outfits of their career, but definitely the only time the Yank mix of Really Saying Something has ever sounded as good as the proper version.
Highlight: arguably the coolest outfits of their career, but the Yanks didn't really take to Cruel Summer until it was featured in the Karate Kid. After that, even Mike Tyson was all up on their collective clit:
Of course true headz already knew that Cruel Summer was big in Brooklyn.
A very important rapper for ya host since seeing Lovebug Starski doing Amityville (The House on the Hill) on Top Of The Pops in 1986 was one of my "EUREKA!" moments with rap as a kid:
Legend has it Starski might have invented the term Hip Hop in 1978, but let's not hold that against him, eh? After all, how can you hate the rapper who let Larry Smith & Davy DMX go full on Trevor Horn Electro-pop:
You've Gotta Believe's B-Side Starski Live At The Disco Fever wasn't half bad either; Larry Smith & Davy DMX abandoned their pop instincts entirely on that one and essentially used the beat as a dry run for the stark drum machine sound they'd perfect a few weeks later on Run D.M.C's Sucker MC's.
Rap always needs more artists who've given themselves exotic monikers, and less artists using their boring real names like ol' Plain Jane soundin' ass Keith Murray/Kevin Gates/J. Cole/Mick Jenkins etc. Real Name, No Gimmicks is only acceptable if you've got a fly one like Craig Mack.
Apropos of it being exactly 25 years to the day since Buff Love The Human Beatbox died in 1995 according to ya host's Facebook feed, here's the Fat Boys lip-syncing their way through Jail House Rap on Soul Train in 1984 before Don Cornelius has them perform Human Beat Box live mid-interview. You cannae spell Burr without the Brr:
Never forget it was Dru Down not Mysonne who first remade Jail House Rap. Apparently recorded for the Original Gangstas movie Dx2 made his acting debut in, but shelved because he already had a Fat Boysremake popping that year. Oh well, at least the Original Gangstas soundtrack had a legit slap by Dru's BFFs the Luniz.
Does it ever bug you out how much Simon Reynolds looks like Aisling the dark haired sister from The Reynolds Girls? Betcha it must REALLY bug Simon Reynolds out because I'd Rather Jack said more about teh great Popism Versus Rockism debate in 3 minutes than Reynolds has managed in the past 25 years he's spent prattling on about the topic.
The Reynolds Girls - I'd Rather Jack
(From I'd Rather Jack single; 1988)
From me & mines to you & yours this Xmas eve, here's Kurtis Blow lip-syncing his way through Christmas Rappin' on Top Of The Pops in january 1980. The video for Rapper's Delighthad appeared on TOTP in late 1979 but this performance was the first time a rapper appeared live on national U.K TV. Props to Kurtis for introducing rap music to this great nation of mine whilst dressed like the sort of mid-tier New Jersey mobster who made his living bootlegging dodgy imported Color Climax movies to flog to 42nd Street's seediest pornography stores.
Kurtis achieved maximum Lifestyle Synergy by wearing such a suit for his Top Of The Pops debut since TOTP was the show which turned Jimmy Savile into a household name, and that fooken' nonce probably owned every last dodgy imported Color Climax movie.
That's Friends Of The Show: peep this best of 2014 compilation from Hot Box which features the MP3s a couple of slept-on Martorialist favorites in Same Way by Uncle Murda & Keyz, and this masterpiece by Zaytoven's Sorority as performed live here in one of Atlanta's classiest bacchanals of the night:
CoCo Kiss, Robyn Fly & Ms. Go Ham - Side Piece
(From Zaytoven presents The Zaytown Sorority mixtape; 2014)
You other bloggers think you cute, you other bloggers think you fire, but you bloggers on the side like you got a flat tire. #TeamRobynFly got the game on lock like wednesday nights on Channel 5.
Here's a video of the classic G-Unit line-up performing 50 Shot Ya for KPTV/Yahoo Music back in 2002. 50 obviously caught LL's holy ghost paying homage to I Shot Ya when he felt compelled to strip off in the studio, thus ensuring a perfect 10/10 score from the Lifestyle Synergy department of the Fashion Police:
Because it affords us all the opportunity to watch Love Bug Starski strutting his stuff way through You've Gotta Believe onstage at The Roxy in footage shot for the NYC Hot Tracks TV show. Best known for being the song that's been interpolated by Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch and The Smiths (I thought Morrissey was a racist rockist?), You've Gotta Believe is a 1983 Davy DMX & Larry Smith production which sounds like a token rap song recorded for the Beverly Hills Cop OST by Harold Faltermeyer and the cast from Grange Hill's Just Say No:
Bonus TV beats for the UK famalam, here's Starski doing his biggest hit Amityville (The House on the Hill) on Solid Soul on Channel 4 in 1986 whilst wearing a blue lamé padded-shoulder jacket that looks like it was ganked from Joan Collins' wardrobe department on Dynasty. Like The Show, Amityville didn't get blessed with any visuals even though it was a top 20 hit on both sides of the Atlantic, so this clip is as close as we'll ever get to an official video:
Very impressed to see the Dougie make an appearance in a British daytime quiz show that's primarily watched by pensioners/students/housewives/the unemployed/the housebound plus quiz TV show nerds watching it on iPlayer when they get home like moi:
Actual facts: the Dougie's definitive moment on film still comes from its creator during the Guess Who? intro at The Rooftop in the Keep Rising To The Top video. If only IRL rap shows were like this:
Doug E. Fresh & The Get Fresh Crew - Keep Risin' To The Top
(From The Worlds Greatest Entertainer album; 1988)
Ratchet & Bloke singers are a complicated-ass genre for me in 2014: Ty Dolla $ign needs less rappers on his music for me to listen to him, whilst everybody else needs more rappers on their music for me to make it to a 3rd listen; case in point, 2 AM by Adrian Marcel: the original solo version was cool but there was an existential void in the song just waiting for someone to come along fill it with some rapping about g-spots and exes.... step forward Sage The Gemini & Problem:
"It's 2 AM and I'm tryna get in there
Say X marks the spot, but your ex not in here"
Adrian Marcel ft. Sage The Gemini & Problem - 2 AM (Young California remix)
(From the internet; 2014)
Bonus beats: in-studio performance of Paranoid by Ty Dolla $ign & Joe Moses, which is as close as we're ever gonna get to the O.G version on YouTube now. Keep the original alive so your baby momma's/daddy's children's children will know there was a time when it wasn't ruined by B.o.B and French Montana & Trey Songz:
Ty goin' for that Legion Of Doom swag with the fingerless black & red leather glove on his right hand.
Whistle - (Nothin' Serious) Just Buggin'
(From (Nothin' Serious) Just Buggin' 12"; 1985/Whistle LP; 1986)
Shame on me for forgetting (Nothin' Serious) Just Buggin' by Whistle in yesterday's generic list post. Not only is it a key entry in the remarkable songs by otherwise unremarkable rappers canon, but it's also a pivotal song for ya boy Julianne EscoBeedaWeeda Shepherd right chea since it was a big hit in the U.K in 1986 and consequently played a huge part in me falling in love with rap muzik as a snotty little brat.
(Nothin' Serious) Just Buggin' was pretty much the year zero for stupid fruity crazy swag-rap and jerkin', and no matter what certain revisionist hip hop historians and rap game Geir Hongro-type idiots like Wicked22 try tell you, novelty dance records have always been a crucial component of rap music. Here's Whistle performing it on Top Of The Pops in all white everythang and matching raccoon pelt Davy Crockett hats that were probably made from unsold toupees. Fall back, PETA!
A quick Zack Morris time-out from teh Rap musik tonight for a video of Robert Tepper lip-syncing his way through the Rocky 4 OST classic There's No Easy Way Out on German TV in 1985:
You've gotta hand it to the Jerries, they might have some very dodgy eccentricities (cultivating handlebar moustaches, watching shizer smut, murdering Jewish ppl, dropping bombs on British chip shops, employing German ex-pats in America during WW2 to hide up in the Potosi Mountains and shoot down an airliner full of major U.S physicists that poor old Carole Lombard also happened to be travelling on, and releasing the kind of Das 4 Elementz Preservation Society Hip Hop which makes the New Zealand Rap group who Jaz DJs for sound like Young Thug), but they sure do have good taste in histrionic 80s American poodle-Rawk.
If there's three things which make me ashamed to be a U.K citizen it's Ricky Gervais, Keep Calm parody paraphernalia, and British ppl attempting to rap. Doesn't matter if it's Grime, UK Hip Hop, Trip-Hop by whispering stoner troglodytes like Tricky, or whatever the fuck Road Rap is, it's all an embarrassment to this fair isle which gave all y'all such planet-dazzling exports as Phil Collins, Razzle Romps, and Porridge. There's only ever been one good rap song to emerge from this country and it's the early eighties Green Cross Code advert which interpolated Duke Bootee & Melle Mel's The Message :
Johnny was a fool, he didn't act cool
He walked on out, he broke every rule
He shoulda stopped, looked and listened, he shoulda used his head
If he don't watch out he's gonna wind up dead
Now don't step out when you're close to the edge
Or you may find that you'll lose your head
When you're out on the streets tryna cross the road
you gotta try to remember your Green Cross Code
You gotta stop at the edge, y know you gotta take care
You gotta stop, look, and listen because there's danger everywhere
Now don't step out when you're close to the edge
Stop, look, listen, think and you won't lose your head!
Here's Melle Mel, Cowboy, and Scorpio performing their not-so-subtle dis track to Run Dmc and LL Cool J Step Off on Top Of The Pops a couple of years later in 1985, with Melvin stylin' & profilin' in a t-shirt which looks like it's made from those chick's skull-print scarfs they sell in Superdrug and Primark nowadays. Furursitic swag indeed :
Tweetz is talkin' about how Rap blogger beefs just ain't as good as the halcyon days of 2004 - 2008 no mo', but who pwned who the hardest during that most recent SoManyShrimp versus No Trivia tiff?
Aren't cheap shoots involving David Drake's Google Alert settings for ‘Chief Keef review’ pretty funny even when they come from a rapist-protecting idiot savant like Brendan Soderberg??
Should Drake hire a ghostwriter for his future Twitter beefs with Soderberg since he failed to get a single zinger in regarding the jaw-dropping irony of a SPIN hack who writes favourable reviews for his industry friends/unfavorable reviews of Rappers connected to his Twitter enemies recently complaining that the Village Voice has "no integrity"???
Is the Rap blogosphere finally going to get its very own Will High versus Vordul situation in 2013 now Drake and Soderberg reside in the same city????
Kinda bizarre that a just-released-from-prison industry newbie like Max could've been ghosting for Puffy in 2005, but for the sheer "Who? What? Why? Where?" factor, nothing will ever top that other famed-Duets reference track with KanYe on the first verse and - in 2012 this still beggars belief - Termanology Rapping from Puffy's perspective on the 2nd verse :
KanYe West & Termanology - Everything I Got (If I Was Diddy)
(From Duets recording sessions; 2005/the internet; 2012)
Yeah, it's sad that Max is in jail for the rest of his life when the evidence against him was incredibly flimsy and all, but it's utterly heartbreaking that Termanology still has a Rap career in 2012, innit? Come the apocalypse, all that'll be left are cockroaches and Termanalogy still trying to hop his way onto production he has no business being on.
It's often speculated that Tuff City Records could have gone toe-to-toe commercially with Tommy Boy, Profile and Def Jam in the mid to late 80s if not for some of the baffling ass-backwards business decisions Aaron Fuchs made. For example, he never gave Spoonie Gee the green light to shoot videos for any of his singles when Spoonie was Tuff City's flagship artist with the label's biggest selling 12"s in 1983's The Big Beat and The Godfather in 1987, yet Aaron was quite happy to dole out money to dogfood-eating spacko Funkmaster Wizard Wiz to film a clip for I Ain't Wid Dat in 1988 :
Funkmaster Wizard Wiz - I Ain't Wid Dat
(From I Ain't Wid Dat 12"; 1988)
Okay, so the I Ain't Wid Dat promo appears to have a budget of $2 and a bag of milk bottle tops, but that's not the point when Spoonie was Rap's most consistent singles artist from 1979 - 1987 as well as Aaron's main cashcow. Hell, he's still bringing in the bacon for Tuff City today via the royalties amassed by Moby sampling Love Rap and the licencing loot brought in by The Godfather being featured in GTA : San Andreas, yet the closest poor Spoonie ever came to a sniff of being affored a video was this performance of The Big Beat on some NY cable TV show in 1983 :
Spoonie Gee - The Big Beat (7" version)
(Live on teh TV in 1983)
It's good see that the phenomenon of white girls clapping offbeat to Rap on TV wasn't just confined to Top Of The Pops in the 80s, and it almost feels like the ostentatious spirit of James Brown's Future Shock is being channelled by homie in the audience wearing the civil war soldier's cap; leave a brother with a hot hat, frontin' like Spoonie ain't got tracks? *Brother stop that!
One of these days someone needs to get organezized and point out the similarities between the production on The Big Beat and Run Dmc's Sucker MC's, which I'm fairly certain came out after the Spoonie cut. I'm not saying Larry Smith and Orange Krush blatantly swagger-jacked Pumpkin, buuuuuuuttttttt....
