Sunday 29 November 2015

Generic list post: november 2015

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Eazy-E's immune system was made to look even more weak AF and Hayden Panettiere revealed herself as America's most high-profile defector to eastern Europe since Edward Snowden.

Shy Glizzy ft. Boosie - Going Thru It (2015)
Lil' Chris - Gods Crying (2015)
Nef The Pharaoh - Come Pick Me Up (2015)
Nef The Pharaoh - Michael Jackson (2015)
The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real (2015)
Young Bleed - Make Um Dance (2015)
Lil' Twon ft. Playa Gator - Bruh (remix) (2015)
Missy Elliot ft. Pharrell - WTF (Where They From) (2015)
Ty Dolla $ign - Horses In The Stable (2015)
Lady Saw - Likkle Bit (2015)

Other notables: that Livewire track SE posted was some noughties maineyness in the best way possible; Auction by Puffy et al is one of those tunes I listened to on repeat the night it dropped but hasn't made it into my regular rotation yet; Trina's Fuck Boy was cool as far as 2015 Boyz N The Hood remakes go; alas Will Somebody Shut That PC N*gga Ass Up Already by Triggaboy Dee didn't live up to its title; Craig David & Big Narstie's When The Bassline Drops is destined to become a personal favourite when the CDQ-version drops.

PS - listen to my Spice playlist!

Thursday 26 November 2015


Hat tip to Jamie AKA Jimmy Case Dismissed for swingin' through my comments and blessin' me with this:

Lil' Twon ft. Playa Gator - Bruh (remix)
(From YouTube; 2015)

The essence of TKO Capone lives on in this Vinesploitation song with #bars and production which sounds like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star made outta Duck Hunt's intro screen muzik. Only info forthcoming about this one is that Lil' Twon's original Bruh song dates back to may 2014 and Twon reps Jackson Mississippi yet he's now signed to Slip-n-Slide Records. Possible opportunity to get Trina and Jacktown's O.G the godfather Mello-T on the same track for a bi-regional allstar remix? It's Mello-T from the BBC with Da Baddest B!

Wednesday 25 November 2015

"I like to have a good time, so I attract the ladeez"

Young Bleed really out chea with a new video on VEVO that currently has less than 50 views and makes the infamously lo-fi Put Ya Stamp On It video look like it was shot on Percy Miller's dime in 1998. Don't shed no tears for an ageing near-platinum rapper now reduced to struggle-budgets, though, because Bleed is also really out chea with Puffy as his life coach judging from Make Um Dance's sentiment. Shit should be a minefield of forced-corniness, instead it's a chessboard of goofy charms where each move results in the sorta fun you'd never expect to find on a 2015 Young Bleed song.

Young Bleed - Make Um Dance
(From YouTube; 2015)

Monday 23 November 2015

A recent-ish jams 4 u compilation volume 4

Another zipfile of recent favourite songs I've posted over the past few months. J Hus' Lean & Bop is included because it bodies any Yank dance record made in 2015 and you can't tell me shit to the contrary.

1. Patman - LIT (2015)
2. Lil' Chris - Gods Crying (2015)
3. J Hus ft. DoccyDocs - Lean & Bop (2015)
4. The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real (2015)
5. J.Stalin ft. L'Jay - Bye Felicia (2015)
6. Maine Musik - Social Media Gangsta (2015)
7. Chinx - How To Get Rich (2015)
8. Shy Glizzy ft. Boosie - Going Thru It (2015)
9. Stresmatic ft. Nef The Pharaoh & Mazerati Ricky - 2 Phones (2015)
10. Nef The Pharaoh - Come Pick Me Up (2015)
11. Mozzy ft. E Mozzy & Celly Ru - Love Slidn (2015)


Sunday 22 November 2015

Not a song about the practices of Dr. Gillian McKeith

Don't no digital algorithms understand me, mane, but by some weird quiver of coincidence, 3 of my 5 favourite post-prison Boosie songs are thinly-veiled sequels to his classic 2005 - 2008 deep cuts: I'm Wit Ya is an updated reconfiguration of I Know; comeback album finale I'm Sorry is Mama I'm Sorry with a broader scope; and his Shy Glizzy duet Going Thru It is Goin' Thru Some Thangs 2K15. Best track to bear Shy Glizzy's name since Funeral, and better than anything on Boosie's latest 'tape.

"Baby-momma drama - don't wanna argue, I want peace
Shit, my daughters teenagers - hope they don't fall for a n*gga like me"

Shy Glizzy ft. Boosie - Going Thru It
(From Shy Glizzy & Zaytoven's For Trappers Only mixtape; 2015)

Theory: the real reason Funeral didn't pop like folk expected is because Glizzy removed DJ Drama's opening ab libs from the official retail/streaming MP3 and effectively sapped the song of its gravitas since Dram F. Kennedy's contribution was maximum-impact-via-minimum-appearance-time on a par with Nitt Da Gritt's Trap Queen epilogue. Funeral without Drama's rousing intro monologue about leaving this mortal coil with your legacy intact so everyone at your wake can bow their heads with dignity? Yo, that's like Juelz on Rap City without Canal Street ice, the Chinese restaurant in Liverpool One without rumours of mice, or a Larry Lifeless band which doesn't besmirch Christ.

Thursday 19 November 2015

Martorial elegance # 83

Can't be a coincidence that International Mens Day also happens to fall on the same date as World Toilet Day this year because even Atlanta's foremost superthug rapper is a drydick rando in 2015. BMF: Blowin' Masculinity (with) Fedoras?

Tuesday 17 November 2015

Life is a beach and these bloggas is flotsam & jetsam

Had no idea Honey Cocaine dropped a video for Martorialist fave Honeydick last month, but then why would I since most of these bloggas will only cover the music of Female Rappers™ if they can spin it into some sorta entry-level feminism thinkpiece. For a hilarious recent example of this phenomenon, contrast the amount of words written about the W.W.A singles to the amount of words usually written about Katie Got Bandz or Sasha Go Hard - comedy hasn't been that outta sync since Danny met Arnie.

Honey Cocaine - Honeydick
(From The Gift Rap EP; 2015)

As for the Honeydick video, Honey Cocaine made her male back-up dancers black out their faces before she posed on a tree stump surrounded by dead Visvim models. Can't believe the entire po-faced thinkpiece mafia missed out on a prime opportunity to shart out 500 words on how she's "subverting the male gaze".

Sunday 15 November 2015

Ya girl is usin' blow and she's usin' you

The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real
(From DJ Child's Mash Out Babylon compilation; 2015)

If Jacka & Dru Down had recorded a track for the Devilz Rejectz 2 album, it probably woulda been For Real. Shit is a wet sunday november night in audio form, and a song that sounds like it should have its own Murder Dog advertisement (™Rey).

Saturday 14 November 2015

Spice Playlist & Chill

Spice has gotta be my favourite non-rap artist since The-Dream, yet she seems to gets zero coverage beyond specialist dancehall blogs or Lily Allen linking the So Mi Like It video on Twitter in a desperate attempt to try and justify one of the many occasions she was accused of racism. The female half of Romping Shop has the filthiest gob in all of music right now, but there's a poetic flourish to the way Spice talks about pum, batty and jumpin' pon cocky over Jamaica's best riddims. Collated a playlist of ol' girl's best tracks from the past couple of years for everyone who fuxwit music where the wet-sheets mania of lust coexists peacefully with the warm comfort blanket of lurve.

Sidenotes: no Bend Ova because Back Bend is the far superior tune; no So Mi Like It remix with Busta because Americans should be kept as far away from dancehall as is scientifically possible; no I Love You Baby because that backing track sounds like it belongs on one of Lily Allen's cod-reggae songs; and no download link because Spice has a babby to feed - go cop her shit on Amazon or the other place.

Friday 13 November 2015

Rap Ü

Lil' Chris - Gods Crying
(From the internet; 2015)

Lil' Big Man 2k15 goes Where Are Ü Now Tropical on a song where he compares rain to the Lord's tears and references the Dutty Whine? Count me in. Arguably the first Lil' Chris song which could feature guest appearances from Justin Bieber and The Jacka.

Wednesday 11 November 2015

Generic list post: Confessions Of Urine

Those classic rap songs that inspire you to nip to the bar or the bog whenever you hear them on the dancefloor - we all have 'em so let's use this post as a judgement-free repository for joints from thee canon which leave you like ┐(ツ)┌. Only God/Satan can judge us, so hopefully the big man upstairs/downstairs scurries for a pint or a piss whenever he hears any of these tracks too:

Nas - Nas Is Like (1999)
Mac Dre ft. Chuck Beez - Thizzle Dance (2002)
Kurtis Blow - The Breaks (1980)
Common Sense - I Used To Love H.E.R (1994)
T.I. - What You Know (2006)
Wu-Tang Clan - Triumph (1997)
Jay Electronica - Exhibit C (2009)
Three 6 Mafia - Tear Da Club Up '97 (1997)
Terror Squad - Lean Back (2004)
Lauryn Hill - Doo Wop (That Thing) (1998)
Chief Keef - Love Sosa (2012)
Jeru The Damaja - Come Clean (1993)
Rick Ross - Hustlin' (2006)
Kool Moe Dee - How Ya Like Me Now (1987)
The Pharcyde - Drop (1995)
De La Soul - Stakes Is High (1996)
Future - Tony Montana (2011)
Tim Dog - Fuck Compton (1991)
Jay-Z & KanYe West - N*ggas In Paris (2011)
The Fab 5 - Leflaur Leflah Eshkoshka (1995)
Migos - Versace (2013)

You are cordially invited to share your own least-favourite classic rap songs in the comments but bear in mind I'll be forced to trace your IP, hunt you down, and then take a piss in your pint if you dare mention Children's Story or Pussy or Why U Bullshittin' or Go D.J or Dead Bent or Mo City Don (Freestyle) or Crush On You remix or The Ghetto or My N*gga or Phone Tap or No Type or Follow The Leader.

Monday 9 November 2015

F**k a hoop dream, I am way above Macaulay Culkin's rim

Plying child actors with booze and then taking them to bed like I'm Michael Jackson?

Nef The Pharaoh - Michael Jackson
(From Nef The Pharoah EP; 2015)

It's a glorified advert for those ugly-arse Giuseppe Zanotti high-tops in the guise of a dedication to America's answer to Jimmy Savile, yet Nef The Pharaoh's Michael Jackson is my 3rd favourite track on his EP after Big Tymin' and Come Pick Me Up. In Cardo, Nef has a producer who compliments his melodic sensibilities via beats which sound like they were designed to soundtrack France's most opulent hot tub parties circa 2025; in Nef, Cardo has a rapper who can write a song to his lavish production rather than just rap about bongs over it. Since we can all live through anything if Pamela made it, Michael Jackson here gotta be the catchiest shit out right now.

Saturday 7 November 2015

R.I.P to Nate Dogg, we had to Regulate

Most insane part of G-Unit's show in Manchester last night? DJ Chubby Chub cutting out Nate Dogg's hook during 21 Questions so 20,000 people could sing it in unison. Most unexpected part? Instead of throwing Kidd Kidd a bone and lettin' him perform a solo song, 50 going into a medley of his verses from the remixes of Toot It And Boot It, Bitch, and UP!. Most unacceptable part? No Stunt 101 was a travesty since Young Buck was permitted entrance into the U.K unlike when G-Unit played London this played july.

KanYe may have won the war, but 50 stays showin' the rest of these fugazee A-listers how an arena-rap show's supposed to go. Like, who else but Currrrtis could have the 2 Lauren's from Liverpool rappin' along every word to a deep cut like Ya Life's On The Line?

Friday 6 November 2015

By 8 I was great because I was sick when I was 6

Came to Nef The Pharaoh's EP on the hunt for slap tremendo in the vein of 2 Phones, left with the highlight of the previously unheard songs being some hazy sunkissed love letter to his favourite folk that's like Wiz Khafila's Kush & OJ if the O had stood for Off The Rictor and the J had stood for J-Diggs, or what a great Berner solo song might sound like if Berner weren't an earnest lump with no emotional palette beyond "I LOVE SMOKIN' WEED AND SELLIN WEED TO THE RAPPERS WHOM I'M TRYING TO BEFRIEND!" Neffy got range.

"Ya baby brother really ain't a baby no mo'
I had a baby and I can't buy liquor at the sto'"

Nef The Pharaoh - Come Pick Me Up
(From Nef The Pharaoh EP; 2015)

Thursday 5 November 2015

Just sayin', bruv # 11

3 rap bloggers walk into a bar... you'd have thought 1 of them would have seen it but they were all too busy deconstructin' Drake on Twitter every frigging day to concentrate on what was goin' on in front of their noses.

I have but a solitary hot take for you this bonfire night but plz believe it's that Dario's Inferno-level heat: never trust anyone who didn't discover rap music via some kind of novelty record as a kid because they always have the most basic taste in rap as an adult. The first rap song ya host ever heard was performed by a rodent puppet from an '80s British TV show and yet I still have a far better grasp on the nuts 'n' bolts of rap history from 1979 - 2015 than any of these self-proclaimed REAL HIP HOP experts whose own introductions came via The Message or Public Enemy or Straight Outta Compton or the Native Tongues or Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) or 2Pac & Biggie.

Wednesday 4 November 2015

Who got that dirty version of Puff's new mixtape?

Puff Daddy ft. Lil' Kim, Styles P & King Los - Auction
(From MMM mixtape; 2015)

Badly need the unedited version of Auction since it sounds like a Press Play track which Puff cut out of spite after Styles threatened to drop a TV on his head that time on Hot 97. I'd prefer another Last Train To Paris to Puff's upcoming No Way Out 2 album, but Combs & co over Sean C & L.V production like its 2006 all over again suits me fine as an entrée to a retail LP that's probably gonna feature Machine Gun Kelly playing the role of Ma$e on the O.G No Way Out.

Monday 2 November 2015

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be # 14

Back when ya host was hyperlinking the recent great B-sides & bonus tracks of the noughties post, I didn't even notice the YouTube upload of Puffy's Get Off contained within was a highly-truncated clean edit. Alas, it's not surprising that you can't currently find the full song on the 'Tube because Get Off remains perennially underrated as just that: a song.

Perhaps this is because it was a bonus track on the Best Buy edition of Press Play/the B-side of a rubbish song with Christina "8-Off" Aguilera released during the twlight days of singles as physical products? Or maybe it's because the song was eclipsed by the Get Off promo video going viral on MySpace? Either way, everybody on the planet should be able to stream the only natural successor to Crooklyn Clan & Fatman Scoop's Be Faithful in its full glory. Find out what happened in the Combs household when babby Puffy first heard James Brown on the Playschool record player Janice copped him one Christmas:

Sean "Diddy" Combs - Get Off
(From Tell Me single/Best Buy Press Play album; 2006)

Contrary to the belief of some Bad Boy stans, the Get Off promo video isn't the apex of Puffy's dancing - that'd be his rendition of the Harlem Foxtrot on a conveyor belt during some 1999 award show performance of Hate Me Now.

Sunday 1 November 2015

S/O to the Mongolian Mike Parry

Kwamz & Flava - Fine Lady
(From Soundcloud; 2015)

Are there any other 2015 Afrobeats jams which sound like this or is Fine Lady pure Brit-bait anomaly? Shit knocks way harder than the most recent Kwamz & Flava song Tonight, yet Fine Lady remains marooned on Soundcloud whilst Tonight has been gettin' spins on Capital XTRA this past week and is an official digital single as of today. Industry rule 4090: record company people continually put their money behind the wrong song.

Foolproof strategy for Afrobeats to blow up in America: the genre needs its own Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now). There's no need to bother finding a new Freedom Williams for the job because his spiritual heir in monotone eye-rolling punchlines about nuts is already waiting in the wings armed with a iPhone notepad full of Chippendale similies.