Tuesday, 3 October 2023

Born To Audiomack: Cousin Fik Quinary Of Quality

Fellow #MicTerrorHive member JMil swerved by my comment section to link a 2018 Cousin Fik & DJ Fresh loosie he claimed is Fik's best song since Bay Area 51. I agree it's a slap, but I disagree that Fik didn't drop slaps that are saucy like Prego in the intervening years. Lest we forget these Cousin classiks from the Sick Wid It gene pool industrial slapper complex.

1. Cousin Fik - Knocka N*gga Down (2012)
2. Cousin Fik ft. DB Tha General - Sickest N*gga Healthy (2012)
3. Cousin Fik - An I Pull Heauxs (2014)
4. Cousin Fik ft. E-40 - Go Ape (2014)
5. 22nd Letter - Blunt On Me (2015)


Alas, ya boi couldn't include my #actual favourite Cousin Fik song No Gravity on here because it comes from the same tape as Bay Area 51. In the Sic Wid It pantheon, No Gravity is It's Goin' Down for the Thizzler.com age. A personal classic from the blog-era that's a whole 'nother type of Cloud-Rap.

Saturday, 30 September 2023

Generic list post: September 2023

Paul Hardcastle - King Tut
(From Paul Hardcastle album; 1985)



Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when muggins here found out that Paul Hardcastle has Legit Choonz™ other than Rainforest, 19 and The Wizard. I was in it to win it, but general consensus fronted and said "sorry, Marty, he's a Bob James type 3 song wonder."

Andre Nickatina - Awake Like An Owl (2000)
Poe Whosaine - You Bad If You Thought Different (2022)
TREE - I Usually Say How I Feel (2023)
Mic Terror ft. Gzus Piece - The Titty Song (2023)
Sexyy Red - Shake Yo Dreads (2023)
Coyote ft. Shaquille O'Neal - 3 Lokos (2023)
Homeboy Sandman - Then We Broke Up (video) (2023)
Paul Hardcastle - Central Park (1985)
Mall Grab & Real Lies - End Credits (2023)

Other notables: I made a playlist of some deep cuts by some of my favourite rappers.

Thursday, 28 September 2023

Thnks fr th Mmrs (no Fall Out Boy)

Mic Terror ft. Gzus Piece - The Titty Song
(From The Titty Song single; 2023)



Mic Terror and Gzus Piece have dropped so many songs in 2023 it's difficult to keep abreast of their output. For real, bra - it's tough to focus on two things at once. To misquote Kool G. Rap, The Titty Song is a jugs love story. Mic & Gzus went from the bounce of Thot Boiz to the bump of Tity Boiz with this legit speaker knockerz of a track. Only youz Homeboy Sandbags type lads could front on this one. No shotz, but I need to get summat off my chest: the Rap industry is a buncha suckas because they've boobed big style for not supporting The Titty Song and helping it blow up. Remix coming soon featuring Ganksta N-I-P-S and Milk DD.

Wednesday, 27 September 2023

Smoke Some Kill

Mic Terror - BLDYMRDA
(From BLDYMRDA single; 2023)



File this under 'songs which are one long hook.' Some Bone Thugs-N-Mic T type shit I'm jamming in the hope its frequency will power up Krayzie Bone. Nowadays everybody always fronts like they became instant Bone fans the first time they heard Thuggish Ruggish Bone. Me, I was unconvinced until MTV started playing Foe Tha Love Of $, and then it was on like Donkey Kong and I copped Creepin' On Ah Come Up like it was T.I.'s 4th best single.

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony ft. Eazy-E - Foe Tha Love Of $
(From Creepin' On Ah Come Up EP; 1994)


Monday, 25 September 2023

Da Head Banger

Sexyy Red - Shake Yo Dreads
(From Shake Yo Dreads single; 2023)



Gangsta Boo didn't die, her spirit just moved into Sexyy Red. Her coochie Britney, her bootyhole Whitney, this song wild like Bobby. Red got Katie flow by the gallon, bitch just took over the lane which belongs to Duke D.

Thursday, 21 September 2023

Wanted dead or alive: dirty Tattoo

"A big butt freak with a butterfly wing on each butt cheek to cover her behind
When she pull her Prada pants down to pop that thing it look like the butterfly be flyin'"


Twista ft. Legit Ballaz - Tattoo (remix)
(From Tattoo (remix) single; 2002)



Anybody got an unedited MP3 of the Tattoo (remix) by Twista & Legit Ballaz? A dirty version exists because I've got it on 12", but I still don't know how to rip records to MP3. This song really should have been on Kamikaze because it's one of Twista's best singles of the noughties. Twista earned the Vividest Author™ of 2002 award with those lyrics quoted up top, huh? Champagne booty-chatter, exquisite freaky tales: words that'll paint a pretty picture in your mind's third eye and turn your penis into a third leg.

PS: also looking for an MP3 of the extended remix of Timbaland & Magoo's Clock Strikes with Mad Skillz. That's another song I can't find anywhere on the internet which only exists on the 12" (I think?)

Sunday, 17 September 2023

Born To Audiomack: lesser-celebrated faves by Martorialist faves

A caveat: lemme cook even tho youse lot probably know these songs and I've posted most of them in the past. Basically, ya boy wanted to spread love to some songs I absolutely love by some of my favourite rappers which well-meaning middlebrow Rap fans will be oblivious to.

1. Spoonie Gee - Spoonie Gee (1987)
2. Mac Dre - Mac Dre's The Name (1989)
3. Devin The Dude - Yo' Ho (2002)
4. Dru Down - Gangstafied (2002)
5. TREE - The 3rd Floor (2010)
6. Gucci Mane - Ring The Alarm (2013)
7. Max B - Phenomenon (2020)
8. Nef The Pharoah - What Do You Like (2023)



1. One of the handful of tracks Spoonie Gee & Marley Marl recorded together. Some seats-pushed-back Rap for 1987 Audi coupes AND 1987 Skoda hoopes. The first Rap song to use the Ohio Players sample later made famous by Mary J. Blige & Grand Puba's What's The 411?.

2. Of course every Mac Dre maven knows and loves Mac Dre's The Name. But because it's never appeared on any of his albums and never made it to DSPs the song has been overlooked by everyone else. We can't have that because that Vaughan Mason sample is the reason why it's the one Mac Dre song every boomer-bap dinosaur can't front on.

3. A true Kazaa klassic: the Dr. Dre track from the advance version of Devin The Dude's second album which vanished from the retail version. **DJ Kay Slay voice** ONLY DEVIN COULDA DONE SMUT LIKE THIS, YO!!!

4. The best song Dru Down recorded in the 2000s: some Slapp & Roger-core which Suga Free coulda/shoulda guested on.

5. It's a pity most folks TREE fandom begins with Sunday School because his earlier releases are stuffed with gems. Take The 3rd Floor here which is both my personal highlight of TREE's first LP and the birth of his Soul-Trap sound.

6. The last Gucci Mane song I truly loved: one of the final and finest examples of tubby wildman Gucci, taken from a peak Livemixtapes-era Zayyoten compilation. True story: Gucci's Ric Flair "WOOOOO"s on this body every wrestling reference by Action Bronson and all those charmless Griselda nerks.

7. I'd pretty much given up on Max B's new music after his awful Wave Gods and House Money tapes. And then he reconnected with Dame Grease for this song tucked away on his best of Wave Pack album and Biggavelz was back like he left his car keys. Max mania like it's 2009 all over again.

8. A good example of a nostalgia-bait beatjack which I prefer to the song it begets: Nef The Pharoah's blappification of Da Brat & Tyrese's What'Chu Like. Also a good example of how the Kid Cuddy Nef is an old soul in a new Rapper's body.

Tuesday, 12 September 2023

My Mind Spray 12

You know how Doja Cat is a big Homeboy Sandman fan? Is it possible that Paint The Town Red was inspired by Sandman's beatjack of Dilla's Walkinonit? If so, she should go a step further and flip Sandman's Waiting On My Girl next but record it from the perspective of the girl making the guy wait.

Do you think rappers regretted giving some of their best songs to movie soundtracks rather than keeping them for their own albums? Specifically thinking of songs like Big Daddy Kane's Nuff Respect; Grand Puba's Fat Rat; Pete Rock & CL Smooth's One In A Million; Digable Planets' Little Renee; Biggie's Party & Bullshit; Tha Dogg Pound's What Would U Do? and Just Doggin'; Mobb Deep & Rakim's Hoodlum; and Slick Rick's I Sparkle.

From Definition Of A Thug N*gga to Never Had A Friend Like Me, 2Pac also gave a handful of his best songs to movie soundtracks. But he came across as a rapper who relished spreading his legit jams far and wide.

Some songs rappers probably didn't regret giving to movie soundtracks: Ice-T's Colors, UGK's Pocket Full of Stones (Pimp C Remix) and OutKast's Benz Or Beamer. Why? Because those songs were their introductions to an (inter)national audience innit. Certainly, those songs were my introductions to Ice-T, UGK and OutKast.

Hijack's Godawful new single proves my long-held theory that you can't spell UK Hip-Hop without UKIP.

Saturday, 9 September 2023

So whatcha 'saine?

"Runnin' n*gga you ain't never been no boss
Talkin' real reckless when we know you soft
Boy, you a lame dude, shit knock off
And never pop out when the shit pop off"


Poe Whosaine - You Bad If You Thought Different
(From A1 Gone Sell Itself album; 2022/YouTube; 2023)



Another good random find: this is like Calvin-T's long-lost brother from Detroit or Sada Baby's funky-uncle from Oakland. Beat on this is so boingy you can bounce on it like a trampoline. All things considered, this shit deserves a place in my canon of favourite non-2023 Rap songs I've discovered in 2023. Dial M for Martorialist if you feel me, ya hear me?

Fab Five Freddy - Sucker M.C's freestyle (1983)
MC Lyte - I Cram To Understand U 1990 (DJ DOC remix) (1990)
Tung Twista - Back 2 School (1992)
Children Of The Corn - Fair One Part 2 (1994)
Big Pokey - Hardest Pit (1999)
Drama - Big Ball (2001)
Dizzee Rascal - Street Fighter (CDQ) (2002/2023)
Big Scoob ft. Celph Titled - Floss Filthy (2003)
Day Day Sustaaa - B.A.N.P (2022)
Lebra Jolie - What Kinda (2022)

Thursday, 7 September 2023

2-3 Break

"We would get lost together
Floss together
Watch The Office
Smell each other’s armpits
Share each other’s art
Share each other’s hearts
Smell each other’s farts
THEN WE BROKE UP!!!"


Homeboy Sandman - Then We Broke Up
(From Rich album; 2023)



It wasn't the end of the world, just the end of him & a girl. A break-up song you can breakdance to: live out your Rock Steady fantasies to this shit even if you're no longer going steady. Homeboy Sandman has become insufferably puritanical in 2023, but he's still capable of amusing Reality-Rap for lovers between that awkward age of 17 and 70. In the Sandman relationship song canon, Then We Broke Up is the delayed acceptance stage following the immediate aftershock of Alone Again. Some relationships just come and go, and that's just how it go. Couples split up everyday, b - you tuff, you be aiiight.

Wednesday, 6 September 2023

Woo-Hah Tribe

"They think I'm on the brink of my insanity
If he aint spittin' like this for the money then what can it be?
Momma managed me, Papa was in the military
I come from The Bricks where the only option is just the cemetery
I get in the mix opposite of Ben & Jerry's"


Coyote ft. Shaquille O'Neal - 3 Lokos
(From 3 Lokos single; 2023)



If Z-Ro's recent single with Shaquille O'Neal wasn't a big enough surprise then howzabout this: Pro Club clobber-sponsored cholo hard-rock Rap featuring Shaq. Flabbergasted that Siccness.net haven't posted this because it's the most Siccness.net song of all time. LMFAO @ 3:34 where Shaq asks for a high five and one of the Coyote blokes awkwardly slaps Shaq's wrist because he can't reach Shaq's hand. Poor fella left lookin' and feelin' like Skee-Lo in his own damn video.

Sunday, 3 September 2023

Life's A Beech

"I peep shit, I beep shit, this Rap shit that weak shit
My kids they don't need shit
My broad she a vegan on the ocean with the pole and what we catch she don't eat shit"


TREE - I Usually Say How I Feel
(From FREE TREE album; 2023)



Mentioned this song a while back but it really deserves a proper post dunnit? I Usually Say How I Feel is what happens when TREE grabs the crispest snare from his sample kit and reimagines some 1996 Busta Rhymes type shit in the Soul-Trap stylee. A good example of why TREE is less a Rap moniker and more a Rap modus operandi: Milk T's music stays rooted in the past but keeps branching out in subtle new directions. Or sumfink lol. 2nd best song on FREE TREE after 10 Mac 11's IMHO.

Wednesday, 30 August 2023

Generic list post: August 2023

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when nobody's top 20 songs of all time lists featured M.O.P & Kool G. Rap's Stick To Ya Gunz. It's better than any of M.O.P's big singles and bodies their song with G. Rap on Rawkus, I'll be one blogger clappin' but I ain't applauding you motherf**kers... or, indeed, myself. Shame on us all.

U.T.P - Don't Start (2004)
Myaap - HTS (2023)
Kaliii ft. DJ Smallz 732 - KToven (2023)
Homeboy Sandman - Then We Broke Up (2023)
Lil' Ricefield - Him Burton (2023)
Foul Play - Open Your Mind (Tango remix) (1993)
Tinashe - Needs (2023)
Naked Raygun - Rat Patrol (1984)
Turnstile - Dance Off (2021)

Other stuff: me talking about the time Kool Herc played Liverpool, and paying tribute to the dearly departed Magoo, and making a playlist of original versions which are better than official versions.

Sunday, 27 August 2023

20 with plenty

My m8 suggested I do the 20 songs which bring you instant joy viral challenge. I'm not a requests guy, but I am a songs list guy so that's an offer ya host can't refuse. 10 songs by rappers, and 10 songs from Other Genres™. I went with my gut on these choices and I've been eatin' mad kimchi recently so I trust my gut like South Central Cartel trussed 'n gatz. Evidently 1987 to 1992 were the peak of all music for me - I say evidently but I really mean categorically because if you didn't experience those years first hand then you missed out big time, and when I say big time I ain't talkin' about Peter Gabriel's magnum choon, boiiiiiiiii.

Al Green - Simply Beautiful (1972)
Madness - Night Boat To Cairo (1979)
Spoonie Gee - Love Rap (1980)
ESG - Moody (Spaced Out) (1983)
INXS - Need You Tonight (1987)
Guns N' Roses - It's So Easy (1987)
Eric B. & Rakim - Lyrics Of Fury (1988)
Slick Rick - The Moment I Feared (1988)
808 State - Pacific 707 (7" mix) (1989)
Too $hort - The Ghetto (1990)
Brand Nubian - Step To The Rear (1990)
The Family Stand - Ghetto Heaven (Soul II Soul remix) (1990)
Nirvana - Breed (1991)
Ice-T - New Jack Hustler (1991)
SL2 - Way In My Brain (1991)
Geto Boys - My Mind's Playing Tricks On Me (1991)
L7 - Shitlist (1992)
MF DOOM ft. DJ Cucumber Slice - Rhymes Like Dimes (1999)
Mac Dre - Feelin' Myself (2004)
Max B - Where Do I Go? (BBQ Music) (2009)

What sorta basic bastard came up with the idea that 20 songs is a satisfactory number tho? Call me Marte Blanche because I'm breakin' the rules like Danze & Fame, switching it up to 25 songs, and including this quinary of legit 10/10 jams. John Peel was a nonce, but he was right about Teenage Kicks being a G.O.A.T choon.

The Undertones - Teenage Kicks (1978)
Talk Talk - Life's What You Make It (1986)
Master Ace - Me & The Biz (1990)
T.I. - 24's (2003)
Todd Terje - Inspector Norse (2012)

Everybody should do one of these as a personal canon. Don't be givin' me no "oh it's so hard for me to choose 20 songs, darling" excuses either. Ain't it funny how the folks who pull that melodramatic shit tend to be middlebrow melon-farmers who only listen to music made between the late 1980s and the early 2000s? GTFOH. No shotz, just factz.

Friday, 25 August 2023

Nigos With Attitude

Drexl Spivey is one of the main antagonists in the movie True Romance.
Lil' Ricefield - Him Burton
(From Him Burton single; 2023)



Unfortunately, Seiji Oda has spent 2023 dropping wishy-washy singy Auto-Tune shit. Fortunately, his brother Lil' Ricefield just dropped his first new song of 2023 and it's a nice slice of "what would Dre say on some shit like this?"-core. He's a yellow boy with the weed, he's a taxi.

Wednesday, 23 August 2023

Juve know me, mang!

Juvenile - Ghetto Children
(From 400 Degreez album; 1998)



Ghetto Children as one of the best songs on 400 Degreez? For years I couldn't see it. Haterz tryna make me out as stubborn? I can't be it. That's my fancy way of saying that your musical taste should be ever-evolving and not forever fixed in stone inside your domepiece. You come up with them initial favourite jams, ha! You ain't gotta be stuck with them initial favourite jams, ha!

Unpopular opinion: I'll always prefer Follow Me Now to Back That Azz Up as far as 400 Degreez singles go. There's a Juvenile interview where he says Follow Me Now was the single which #actually propelled the album to multi-platinum status after it became big on Latino radio due to the Santana interpolation. If true, that's some Oye Como Whoa Na type trivia.

Friday, 18 August 2023

Bring that Beet' back

Kaliiii ft. DJ Smallz 732 - KToven
(From KToven single; 2023)



Johnboxxx shares like Sonny Bono, black and white keys, DJ Smallz lays Jersey Club Beats over Beethoven piano, the Area Codes lass sounds way better at a 145 BPM tempo. 'Boxxx reckons this song might be the best Ludwig von club version since Walter Murphy's A Fifth Of Beethoven and I reckon he's right.

Bonus beets: very different ambience, but we should always shout out Mobb Deep for takin' Ludvig to the darkest four cornered rooms of Queensbridge on If These Walls Could Talk.

Thursday, 17 August 2023

Kool & The Lads

My one contribution to the 50 Years Of HipHip #content nonsense: the t-shirt I got Kool Herc to sign when I saw him DJ Liverpool back in 2000. This was not long after I'd read Style Writing From The Underground and become obsessed with 1970's New York tags, so it was worth sacrificing a fresh tee for. Herc was much shorter than he looked in Beat This: A Hip-Hop History and tried to fool us by playing Fusion Beats Vol 2 and pretending he was doing the mixing on it himself, but he put on a very entertaining show with loadsa classic breaks, and was a convivial raconteur on the mic with anecdotes about his old parties. Mercifully, for such a Real Hip-Hop™ night, we were spared the sight of a buncha annoying breakdancers homoerotically rolling round on the dancefloor together and gurning at each other.
Dan Greenpeace was the support DJ and played a blinder of a set. It woz the night I first heard Spoonie Gee's Spoonie Is Back, Kev-E-Kev & Ak-B's Listen To The Man, Mad Skillz' Ghost Writer and Big Scoob's Kryptonite. Add some classics like Special Ed's I Got It Made and The Beatnuts' Off The Books and Watch Out Now, and you had an upper-echelon Rap connoisseur experience in a Scouse backstreet bar. Greenpeace also played the Cage song his Bad Magic label released on 12" which is surely the only Cage song a DJ could play in such a set. All in all, one of the best No Fakin' club nights alongside Edan's first Liverpool show in 2002 or 2003.

It was a What Everyone Wants blank tee Kool Herc tagged for me and I would kill for a plug on that brand's deadstock t-shirts. Best blank tees in British high Street history or wot? Perfect fit for a lanky lithe bastard like me, sold for £2.99 a pop, and came in a multitude of colours. What Everyone Wants became a citizen of British high street Hades in 2003, but I'd copped so many of their blank tees on my travels that I was still rockin' fresh ones when Sean Price dropped Onion Head.

Monday, 14 August 2023

R.I.P Magoo and I ain't talkin' about that bloke from Romper Stomper, boiiii

"Most of y'all rappers can't do your part
Ima finish up what y'all can't start
Got no heart, I fart on your LP
I'm on your radio and on your TV'


Timbaland & Magoo ft. Mad Skillz - Clock Strikes (extended remix)
(From Clock Strikes (remix) single; 1998)



Furry Kangols at half mast for Magoo AKA the Rap Game Andrew Ridgeley: a G.O.A.T mensch who played his position to the detriment of his own reputation. Us connosiers knew tho because Maganoo blazed those 3 Timbaland & Magoo albums plus songs like Clock Strikes (remix) and Here We Come saying bugged-out idiosyncratic shit which could have only have ever come from his mouthpiece. And what a mouthpiece Magoo had - Real Hip-Hop squares dismissed him as a pre-puberty Q-Tip when he was #actually the revenge of Milk Dee. How very ironic to see those very same Real Hip-Hop squares slobbering over Kendrick "Zeldar from Beldar" Lamar 15 years later. Magoo fluffed youse lads up, so Kendrick could give you an orgasm. Maybe I'm Nicole Brown because you really kill me.

Character and chutzpah are two of the intangibles every rapper needs, and Magoo's Cup overflowed with both. So it's a pity Timbaland didn't give Magoo the track-time on their second and third albums together which he gave him on their debut Welcome To Our World. Here at The Martorialist, we'd trade fellow Virginian Pusha T's entire boring solo career for a couple of Magoo solo songs over peak Timbaland production (Pusha catchin' a stray there like Madonna caught a stray on Up Jumps Da Boogie.) Deep in your hearts all y'all know I'm right, and when I say all y'all I ain't talkin' about the classic single from Timbaland & Magoo's second album, booiiiiiii.

Monday, 7 August 2023

Born To Audiomack: Original Bangers

~~ Various Artists - O.B: Original Bangers ~~
1. Gang Starr - Doe In Advance (O.G mix) (1994)
2. Slick Rick ft. Doug E. Fresh - Treat Her Like A Prostitute (movie version) (1988)
3. 2Pac - F*ck All Y'All (O.G mix)
4. AZ - Your World Don't Stop (O.G mix) (1995)
5. The Firm - La Familia (O.G mix) (1996)
6. Young Bleed - A Fool (1997)
7. Edan - Migraine (1999)
8. Trae ft. H.A.W.K & Fat Pat - Swang (O.G mix) (2005)
9. Redman - Can't Wait (remix 2) (1994)
10. Ghostface & Raekwon ft. Method Man & Superb - Flowers (O.G mix) (2001)
11. DJ Mustard ft. Ty Dolla $ign & Joe Moses - Paranoid (2013)
12. Agallah ft. Ruck - Telemundo (2001)
13. OMB Peezy - Lay Down (O.G mix) (2017)
14. UGK - Cocaine In The Back Of The Ride (Southern Way mix) (1992)
15. Mac Dre -Shoulda Been Mo (O.G mix) (1996)



Keep it real, get ya own shit, and be original. Here's some O.G versions which are categorically better than the official versions. Some of these came out billed as remixes but believe me plz they're the original mixes. Envisioned this playlist would be 20 jams deep, but there's some songs Audiomack just won't accept such as Martorialist classics like the original mixes of The Click's Daily Routine, Jackie Chain & Jhi Ali's Rollin', ABN's The Rain and Beeda Weeda & DJ Fresh's Bass Rock Babies Talk about a bummer in the summer eh?

Friday, 4 August 2023

My Mind Spray 11.5

How very apt that YouTube is recommending me U.K Drill songs and Major League Soccer highlights videos: both are artificial novelty spectacles which the native populations have delusions of grandeur about. The only difference is that U.K Drill has managed to produce a handful of good songs when it embraces its novelty factor, while Major League Soccer continues to get worse the more it takes itself seriously as a credible sport. Get Messi and Busquets taking penalties like this IMO.

My fave 2023 Rap song nobody else cares about is Get Somebody Else To Do It by Day Day Sustaaa & Eatem. Even the two rappers don't care about that shit because they've barely promoted it and deleted the teaser clip for the video :(

Homeboy Sandman had been on a great run since his EP with Edan in 2018, but his new music has become too priggish and prudish for my liking. He's now an insufferable bore who drones on about being a tee-total vegan anti-vaxer who doesn't own a smartphone on damn near every song. Plus, I can't take "money is bad, yo" rhymes seriously from a guy who constantly begs his fans to donate to his Patreon.

That said, credit where it's due - Sandman's Then We Broke Up is some lyrical veridical Reality-Rap à la Waiting On My Girl.

A lotta rappers claim they're big Pop-Punk fans, yet they've never hit up Aaron Cometbus for artwork, they've never rhymed over the bass from Green Day's Longview, and they can't name three Screeching Weasel songs.

Tuesday, 1 August 2023

Milwaukeee Brewer's Droop-E

Myaap - HTS
(From HTS single; 2023)



My problem with the current wave of Milwaukeee Rap is that most of the songs are first-take brainfarts from folks who are more #content creators than rappers. You say "teenage punk rock energy", I say "throwaways freestyles with very little replay value". Basically, it's music made by ADHD youngsters for ADHD youngsters innit? Plz believe ya host isn't morphing into Mart Adams tho because I occasionally come across a Milwaukeee song which sticks for me: AyooLii's Smackin' Crackin', Zae Shakur's Donuts In A Benz and Myaap's HTS. The latter is some twisty-turny Milwaukeee Slap-Magnifico that's full of hook like Abu Hamza's wife and underpinned by a bassline which hits like Lil' Nico on Lil B.

Sunday, 30 July 2023

Generic list post: July 2023

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Australia made up for itsbad sportsmanship in the cricket by dropping 2023's best horror movie so far.

The 45 King - Simply Dope Part 2 (1989)
Dizzee Rascal - Street Fighter (CDQ) (2002/2023)
Z-Ro ft. Shaq - Stop The Rain (2020)
Mic Terror - Lori Lightfoot (2023)
Mic Terror ft. Gzus Piece - Chinese Money (2023)
Gzus Piece - Rich Off Drugs (R.O.D) (2023)
Gzus Piece - Hibiscus (2023)
TREE - I Usually Say How I Feel (2023)
2Humpy & 2Rare - 2Humpy Anthem (2023)
J Hus - Massacre (Colors performance) (2023)
Philip Brophy - Shaan (1993)

Other notables: WTF by Valee & Harry Fraud with Twista has got me fiendin' for a Twista single produced by Harry Fraud; two years later we finally get a remix of Cootie & BiC Fizzle's Supafly; whoever A&Rs for Lola Brooke has clearly been listening to Eatem.

Other stuff: I showed love to Dick Fontaine's 1984 documentary Beat This: A Hip-Hop History and ended up defending Malcolm McLaren from Fontaine's criticism; EttelThun did an M.O.P deep cuts mix and of course he included 187.

Thursday, 27 July 2023

R.I.P Sinead O'Connor

So, this is the point where everyone pretends they've always been big Sinead O'Connor fans. See Me? I was a big fan of I Want Your (Hands on Me) being used to marvellous effect twice in the fourth A Nightmare On Elm Street fillum. Pour out a little Jameson for the only Na h√Čireannaigh lass to ever record a song with MC Lyte. She was Ireland's first minister of the First Priotity posse and that's word to Auldio Two.

Sinead O'Connor ft. MC Lyte - I Want Your (Hands On Me) (remix)
(From I Want Your (Hands on Me) single; 1988)


Monday, 24 July 2023

Now everybody wanna sound Grimey

Dizzee Rascal - Street Fighter
(From pirate radio; 2002/Boy In Da Corner album 20th anniversary reissue; 2023)



Shout outs to Chun-Li, she was THAT bitch! Been fiendin' to hear Dizzee Rascal's Street Fighter in full pristine CDQ for years and finally it's here! Some gobshite enfant terrible Grime recorded for Boy In Da Corner but shelved due to the Street Fighter II sample. Only a myopic 'murican or a frontin' foreigner could possibly deny this song a place in the canon of best video game-sampling Rap choonz alongside Super Brooklyn by Cocoa Brovaz, Mac Man by Beanie Sigel, NBA Live 2004 by Twista, Get It Back by Gucci Mane & 2 Chainz, Lincoln Continental by Danny Brown, 2 Brothers From The Gutter by Percee P & Diamond D, Game Over by Lil' Flip, Cha Cha by D.R.A.M, Eternal by Bone Thugs-n-Harmony, Never Been by Wiz Khalifa and Human Video Game by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince. If Giggs' Monsta Man samples a video game, then that deserves a place in the canon too, natch.

Saturday, 22 July 2023

Hickey's On Your Ass


Dick Fontaine's 1984 documentary Beat This: A Hip-Hop History is very much the Beat Street to Style Wars' Wild Style: a corny companion-piece made by outsiders which still captures the magic of early 80s New York. Endure Gary Byrd's dad-rap narration and Afrika Baambaataa with 2 studded belts wrapped around his noggin so you can enjoy such highlights as a DJ cuttin' up Black Grass while the Rock Steady Crew strut their stuff, Kool Herc driving around the Bronx in a droptop Cadillac with gigantic speakers propped up in the back seat, DJ Jazzy Jay on the decks at a basketball court block party, graffiti artist Brim crossing the tracks of an elevated station like he's James Bond to the sound of Jonzun Crew's Space Is The Place, and the Cold Crush Brothers dressed like Rick James' Band doing a live routine over Jeckyll & Hyde's Gettin' Money. There's even an interview with the infamous N.Y vandal squad coppers Hickey & Ski who were later immortalised as Fred Flintstone & Barney Rubble on one of Seen's whole car trains.
Malcolm McLaren also pops up to talk about being in New York with Bow Wow Wow and ending up going to a block party deep in the rubble of the South Bronx where he met Afrika Baambaataa. This, of course, lead to McLaren importing Hip-Hop kulcha to Europe via his Buffalo Gals single/video. Back in the late 2000s ya boi Martaveli went to a screening of Dick Fontaine's 1988 follow-up documentary Bombin' hosted by Fontaine where he said he regretted including McLaren in Beat This because ol' Malcolm was "a culture vulture opportunist". O rly? You say opportunistic, we say gave the opportunity to Trevor Horn & Anne Dudley and The World's Famous Supreme Team to record classics like Buffalo Gals, D'ya Like Scratchin'?, World's Famous, and Hey DJ. Malcolm In The Middle™ of greatness: music which could have never existed without his galaxy brain impresario vision of putting Horn & Dudley with two New York radio DJs. Plus, if we're talkin' posh English blokes accusing each other of being "culture vulture opportunists" then what did Dick Fontaine ever do for Hip-Hop other than those two documentaries? Name 3 Ultramagnetic MC's songs, m8!

Needless to say, some of the Beat This scenes featuring that nonce Afrika Baambaataa have NOT aged well, particularly the one where he meets some young lads in a dark room and then takes them away with him. Cash Money was an army, Zulu Nation was a grooming gang.

Tuesday, 18 July 2023

He used to hold my teeth, I used to call him braces

J Hus - Massacre (Colors performance)
(From YouTube; 2023)



J Hus metaphors givin' me flashbacks of Hell Rell's album cover. Massacre is ya host's favourite example of the Roadrapfrobeats sound on Hus' new album, but I prefer this Colors performance to the studio version. "They never seen such a skinny man in a big puffer jacket" back for 2023, baby! As demonstrated here, Hus has a very malleable natural mouthpiece, which is why it deactivates my chakra when he smothers his voice in generic Auto-Tune on certain songs. Now, let's get a Dreck-less Colors performance of Who Told You next.

Monday, 17 July 2023

Beloved by bitches like brown UGGs

"Like to think I'm kinda smart, a n***a coulda been a surgeon
Like the same Gzus Piece in a slightly different person"


Gzus Piece - Rich Off Drugs (R.O.D)
(From Rich Off Drugs (R.O.D) single; 2023)



"To obtain the biscuit one first must risk it
These is non-fiction bars I be throwin' like discus"


Gzus Piece - Hibiscus
(From Hibiscus single; 2023)



Don't get it twisted, Gzus Piece is also lightin' up #MondayMass like Christmas with new techniques which are more holistic mixed with pimp shit and some spiritualistic. Here at The Martorialist we're perennially in a 12" single state of mind, so these two singles go together like Ronnie Barker and Ronnie Corbett as an A-side and B-side. I swear both songs is all chicken whether they're wings or they're tenders.

True story: Rich Off Drugs is the first time I've come across the word Sassafras since Green Day dropped Dookie.

Sunday, 16 July 2023

Girl, Gou know it's true

Peggy Gou - (It Goes Like) Nanana
(From (It Goes Like) Nanana single; 2023)



Peggy Gou's latest single being Britain's inescapable ipso facto 2023 Song of The Summer is the universe correcting its two previous mistakes of Starry Night not blowing up in 2019 and Dreck ruining J Hus' 2023 summer anthem. Much like Starry Night was kinda like a City-Pop House version of Bananarama's Aie a Mwana, (It Goes Like) Nanana is kinda like a City-Pop House version of Bananarama's Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye). More importantly, it's the only song which can unite BooHooMan lads, ASOS "Get The Look" lasses, Primani Joes & Joannes, Stone Island scallies, Gorpcore zoomers and Gen X Clobber Connoisseurs™ on British pub dance floors right now. It's a beautiful thing when a song you love by an artist you like takes over the real world innit? Hat tip to XL and ATB.

Wednesday, 12 July 2023

My Mind Spray 11

Myopic New Yorkers won't admit it, but MC Shy D rocked that navy & red leather Adidas Superstar tracksuit better than Run-D.M.C. Naturally, I had to cop the polyester version when Adidas reissued it 2017, and it was notably rocked by Maine Musik. Adidas' last great Superstar tracksuit before the brand switched to cheaper materials and added that damn contrast piping to all the tops.

Listening to Z-Ro's new single with Shaquille O'Neal has got me wondering whether Shaq prefers The Life of Joseph W. McVey or Let The Truth Be Told? The former is the more consistent album, but the latter's highlights are the best shit Z-Ro's ever recorded.

YouTube currently recommending me Loon interviews has reminded me of a few things: This Ain't Funny is a deep cut which really shoulda been a street single; flipping Schoolly D's Saturday Night into some Fake Neptunes jiggyness on How You Want That was a minor stroke of Bad Boy genius; Loon ghostwrote one of my favourite Puffy lines ever with "have you ever been to St. Tropez and seen a brother play a mandolay?" on I Need A Girl Part 2.

An A&R who shoulda been fired: the label guy at Big Beat Records who decided that the A-side of Percee P & Ekim's debut 12" single should be the middling Now They Wanna See Me rather than the killer Puttin' Heads To Bed or the fast-rap classic Lung Collapsing Lyrics. You had one job and you blew it twice, m8.

One of the absolute worst things about the Rap Internet is that it's fulla gormless basic bastards who primarily talk about music in terms of maths - be it first week sales, streaming numbers, view counts, chart positions, social media followers, Top 5 MC lists, "1 Gotta Go" polls and release date anniversaries. These lads are a buncha L7s and when I say L7 I ain't talkin' about Donita Sparks & Dee Plakas, booiiiiiii.

Monday, 10 July 2023

I promise anybody can get it like I'm a communist

"I keep my glock in a purse, you can't endorse it
Oh, you forgot about 2Pac in the corset?
Or Cameo with the red cup on his nuts
You old n*ggas need to shut the f**k up!"


Mic Terror ft. Gzus Piece - Chinese Money
(From Chinese Money single; 2023)



Took me a while to warm to comrade Gzus Piece's flow here, but now I've acclimatised and everything is all Bisto. In fact, it's the exact sort of graviness I want from a 2023 Mic Terror & Gzus Piece song. Check the optimum #ClobberTalk in Mic T's verse defending man-bags from the criticisms of sartorially-stunted old headz with selective memories and Polly Pocket mentalities. These streets are like Baghdad if you ain't carrying your gentlemen's essentials in a man-bag. Less essential, however, is Gzus Piece's fleece jacket in the video. Gorpcore victims have a lot to answer for with making an eyeball-polluting fabric like fleece aesthetically acceptable. The black sheep of Gorp-gear, it's the clobber equivalent of an ironic mullet.

"They let me in with the strap, but they vaccined Cardi B
Why the f**k they sell junk food at the pharmacy?
R. Kelly at a high school game ain't as hard as me
I don't give a f**k, Robert still the king of R&B"


Mic Terror - Lori Lightfoot
(From Lori Lightfoot single; 2023)



Catching up on some of the recent #MondayMass tracks and this one is a jam 4 real in the Mic Terror canon. Still containing multitudes, still reppin' Harold's Chicken Shack, still Chicago's Papi of #Problematic Rap. Real talk, why do they sell Chupa Chup lollipops in pharmacies?

Friday, 7 July 2023

My Mind Spray 10.5

Such a shame it's not cool to check for TREE anymore because his recent 10 Mac 11's song is as good as his classic shit and categorically bodies most of the trendy Rap which folks are currently goin' cuckoo for on the internet.

Juvenile & Mannie Fresh's Tiny Desk show was so good I'm hankering for a part two where they perform Bounce For The Juvenile, Solja Rag, Follow Me Now, U Understand, I Got That Fire, Nolia Clap and Get Ya Hustle On. Let Mannie get his roll on with a live rendition of Real Big too.

True story: the San Francisco Funk-Metal band Mordred invented Bay Area Slap in 1989. Their music actually slapped while the 80s Rap music by Too $hort, Calvin-T, Magic Mike, Digital Underground, The Mac, Mac Dre etc more accurately bumped or knocked. Mordred also invented Nu-Metal because they were the first Rock band to have a DJ cuttin' shit up on their songs.

I'm definitely in the midst of a mid-life crisis because I just copped that second Super7 Slick Rick toy figure to go with the first figure. I've kept both them shits carded and hung 'em on the wall as art. Wouldn't say no to Super7 doing two Mac Dre figures for #balance: one in his What's Really Going On? outfit and one in his Treal T.V 2 Hawaii outfit.

If you thought Jim Jones' late 2000s bootcut jeans were bad, check out these bellbottomed monstrosities he wore recently. Ironically, he isn't even wearing the worst jeans in that picture. Pix like that make me grateful that my love affair with Rap music began in the 80s when its practioners actually wore cool clobber.

Wednesday, 5 July 2023

Same old Aussies, always melting

A while back our cobber King Kos recommended a 1993 Ausploitation horror flick by the name of Body Melt. Very relevant to Martorialist interests, the movie is a gross-out splatterfest in the vein of Peter Jackson's early flicks which features such Aussie TV luminaries as him wot played Harold Bishop in Neighbours, him wot played Toby Mangel in Neighbours, and him wot played Matthew the ghost in Round The Twist series two. But the best thing about Body Melt has gotta be the soundtrack by the movie's director Philip Brophy. Each character/set of characters has their own theme, with the highlight being the score for the baddest bitch Australian big pharma has ever seen AKA Shaan. On one hand, it's the least Australian song ever because it sounds like one of Yuzo Kishora's Rave-inspired Streets of Rage tracks. On the other hand, the song has a gonzo bluntness which is pure Aussie bogan. Throw the good sportsmanship on the Bar-B, m8.

Philip Brophy - Shaan
(From Body Melt soundtrack; 1993)


Monday, 3 July 2023

Go fight some other guy

"Your love lookin' through my phone? I can keep that shit
Your love ask you where I'm goin'? You can keep that shit
Don't tell me go see my hoes, 'cause I'll go see that bitch
'Cause either with you or without you Ima be THAT shit
Now I do want you around, but I don't need that shit
You say some mean-ass shit, I think you mean that shit
If it's a toxic situation I will leave that shit
We don't gotta fight to f*ck, just say you need that d*ck
I just need a rolled blunt and a clean-ass crib
And a home-cooked meal from a sweet-ass chick
With a nice booty and some DD-ass t*ts
And I'll be home and outta trouble and I won't be in the mix"


Mic Terror - Is This Love?
(From Is This Love? single; 2023)



Mic Tre on that Devin The Broski shit with this one. Suga Free once said love ain't nothin' but two people feelin' sorry for each other, Mic's stance is more love ain't nothin' but two people learnin' to tolerate each other. Or, to paraphrase Brand Nubian, love me by leavin' me alone. Anyhoo, give our boy a Black Excellence Oscar for delivering some of the best domestic argument faces in a music video since Terrence Howard in Ashanti's Foolish clip.

Thursday, 29 June 2023

Generic list post: June 2023

Necro - Rugged Shit
(From I Need Drugs album; 2000/YouTube; 2023)



Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Necro belatedly dropped a video for his best song. Speaking of whom, I'm still immensely proud that some ROBOTIC RETARD™ fanboys of the Braunstein brothers thought my spoof Necro interview was real.

Big Pokey - Hardest Pit (1999)
TREE - 10 Mac 11's (2023)
Hardini - Off Papers (2023)
RMC Mike - I'm Back (2023)
Zae Shakur - Donuts In A Benz (2023)
Sexyy Red - Female Gucci Mane (2023)
J Hus - Who Told You (no Drake edit) (2023)
Nines - Calendar (2023)
Denny Crockett & Ike Egan - The Curse Of The Gods (1981)
Real Lies - World Peace (2015)
Peggy Gou - (It Goes Like) Nanana (2023)

Other stuff: EttelThun did a mix of his favourite lesser-celebrated Select Records songs; Party Sparty put together a compilation of songs from the '50s and '60s he'd have on his jukebox if he ever owned a fleapit dive; I only listen to Turnstile as a KerrangTV singles band, but I thoroughly enjoyed Johnboxxx's guide to the band's evolution.

Monday, 26 June 2023

Warning: Generation X nerd shit ahead



Back when Young Marty was a wee brat in the early 80s, the two TV shows which had me stuck to the box like Gorilla Glue were Ulysses 31 and Star Fleet. Both shows were of Japanese origin and released a year apart, so it's not surprising that they'd share similar stock musik like the stretched chiming sound which was used to signify that some dastardly shit was afoot (see the two videos above.) What is surprising is that the soundtrack score in a Lucio Fulci horror movie from the same period also features a suspiciously similar sound (hat tip to Gianluca Giallo for the spot.) What the dilly, yo? You can't tell me nothin' that Star Fleet wasn't low-key internationally influential. Even Odd Squad's Blind Rob would have to concede that Destro from G.I. Joe (1983) looks suspiciously similar to Professor Caliban from Star Fleet (1981).

Random related thoughts:

The Curse Of The Gods score from Ulysses 31 is up there with Kevin MacLeod's Black Vortex in the canon of Monumentally Ominous Instrumentals™. REAL BLACK HOLES SWALLOWING ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEMS SHIT!

Separated at birth: Barry Hercules from Star Fleet and McLaren from Porridge.

Friday, 23 June 2023

Bick 'N' Back

Hardini - Off Papers
(From Off Papers single; 2023)



Real Martorialist readers might remember Hardini's I'm Bick, a personal favourite blapper back in 2015. Turns out Hardini still drops music which occasionally still sounds like D-Lo if he'd moved to San Diego where the water is close. Hardini has been in and out of prison since I'm Bick so nowadays his "circle is small like the hole in a DVD."

RMC Mike - I'm Back
(From I'm Back single; 2023)



First Michigan song ya host has heard since Kookei's So Icy which doesn't sound like every other boring interchangeable Michigan Rap song ever. Also, finally an RMC Mike solo song he doesn't ruin with a random gross line about vaginal odour or his Jap's eye. A literal Lyrical Miracle™.

Tuesday, 20 June 2023

Taxi for Nef The Pharoah


Now I feel bad for wanting Nef to drop. Alexa, play No Gravity by Cousin Fik. Here at The Martorialist we pay homage, but h8erz say "Nef fell off!" How, blogga - his last single was What Do You Like.

Monday, 19 June 2023

One Team Country

Real Lies - World Peace
(From Real Life album; 2015)



On one hand, Tom Watson leaving Real Lies was a pity because World Peace is the ne plus ultra(s) Forza RL song. On the other hand, Watson's departure inspired Boss Trick and he still contributes backing vocals to Real Lies songs which require his sweet boi touch like Dream On and Since I. The great thing about music is that songs only partially belong to their creators, they also belong to the listeners and however we interpret them. Real Lies say World Peace is about the conflicting bittersweet emotions you feel at the end of a relationship, I say World Peace is a second Nessun Dorma summer anthem to rival New Order's Italia '90 theme tune World In Motion.

To paraphrase another Real Lies song, you always thought 3 Lions was holdin' us together, but it turns out it was just holdin' us back. It's no wonder the English football team are cursed when their biggest anthem features David Baddiel, and their second and third biggest anthems feature Keith Allen. The English public continually being fooled into believing that Lily Allen's posh c**t dad is a football fan is conclusive proof that my country doesn't deserve nice stuff. Never have I less Felt I Was Part Of Something™ than when I hear Vindalooo in the pub before an England game. Thus, the campaign to use World Peace as England's official Euro 2024 theme starts NOW!

Previously: Real Lies Shit.

Thursday, 15 June 2023

Rum, Artillery & The Lash (part 2)

"Got a couple n*ggas to shoot
Couple n*ggas who loot
Couple n*ggas do whatever I tell 'em, f**kin' cool
Got a couple bitches my boo
Couple bitches for you
Couple bitches bi
Couple bitches bye bye, baby"


TREE - 10 Mac 11's
(From FREE TREE album; 2023)



Causin' rambunction throughout the sphere with ramshackle Soul-Trap, TREE's back like he left his car keys. Well, he's not #actually back because this is taken from an album of songs recorded over 39 days before he officially turned himself in to do 3 years of porridge. Thankfully for you & me its the same ol' MC TREE G howlin' and hollarin' at the moon shitfaced off moonshine like the Old Dirty Bastard son of Curtom Records. RAWR RAWR like a drunken dungeon dragon, FREE TREE until it's backwards again.

Friday, 9 June 2023

F**k off like you're Ernest Baker

Either J Hus' new song with that Canadian nonce is trolling me or God is punishing me for enjoying Hus' Devilish behaviour on It's Crazy. Of all the people Hus could get on this track it had to be THAT frigging guy. This is a Drake guest spot which sets the bar low and then limbos under it sounding like Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black: a textbook example of his usual creepy nonsense that's made all the worse by its rambling length, his cringey attempts at patois, and the shrill deathrattle of how Godawful his voice sounds with a pinch of Auto-Tune. Wasn't it bad enough that One Dance forever besmirched the Do You Mind remix? Brexit is such a failure that we can't even stop Canadian nonces ruining songs by U.K artists. Someone get Suella Braverman on the phone and tell her to forget about illegal immigrants on boats - our J Hus summer jam of 2023 has been invaded by the W.O.A.T rapper who tried to groom Jorja Smith when she was a teenager. To paraphrase that crap Welsh indie band, if you tolerate Drake then your children will be next.

Of course some intrepid soul will edit Drake out of this which will be fine for my personal use, but the damage is already done. This song is bound to become inescapable this summer and every time I hear that Canadian nonce's voice I'm gonna be counting down the days until winter. **EDIT** cheers to one of my commenters who found this particularly smooth edit where you can pretend the Canadian nonce's verse never existed. Summer isn't quite saved yet, but it's a start.

J Hus - Who Told You (no Drake edit)
(From YouTube; 2023)



Thursday, 8 June 2023

No Dilla

Zae Shakur - Donuts In A Benz
(From Donuts In A Benz single; 2023)



Best Mr. Saxobeat Type Beat™-core song since Je M'appelle by Benzz or wot? I don't wanna see these basic DJ blokes complaining that there's no uptempo Rap for the clubs when choonz like this exist.

Tuesday, 6 June 2023

My Mind Spray 10

Saw AZ live in Manchester on Sunday night. On one hand, it kinda annoyed me he only performed one verse + the hook of every song. On the other hand, it meant he could cram a shitload of his classics and fan-favourites into an hour, which is long enough for any live show. Can't wait until ageing rappers with Generation X fanbases start to perform in seated venues where we can sit down to nod our heads, bust our Rap-hands, and wave our arms in the air like we just don't care.

The AZ show was a day after Saturday's F.A Cup final Mancunian derby so AZ's tour DJ Doo Wop indulged in some Manchester United vs. Manchester City #banter with the crowd. Pity it was wasted on everyone in attendance because nobody from Manchester suports Utd and Citeh don't have any supporters over the age of 14 other than the Gallagher brothers.

In no particular order, top ten Rap songs of 2023 so far IMHO: Lemonade by Max B & DJ Drama, It's Crazy by J Hus, Get Somebody Else To Do It by Day Day Sustaaa & Eatem, So Icy by Kookei, What Do You Like by Nef The Pharoah, Gone (remix) by Berner & The Jacka, Keep Dat N*gga by iCandy, Dia de Los Reyes by Homeboy Sandman, On Wat U On by MoneyBaggYo & GloRilla, and Regular by P-Lo.

You'd swear I was born in a pot the way my blood boiled when I recently saw someone compare RX Papi to Max B. Nah, m8 - Max B is a master songwriter who went on a manic run because he was facing life in prison; RX Papi is a first-take freestyler churning out throwaway tracks for the sake of #content. Your man can't see Max like cheap seats.

Saturday, 3 June 2023

**Busy Bee voice** What's your zodiac sign?

"My Capricorn chick tries too much
My Scorpion chick always lies too much
My Taurus chick's way too bossy
My Sagittarius chick's always rollin' with a new posse
I only f**k with my Libra chick when I'm high
'Cause she crazy like my chick that's a Gemini
My Aquarius chick never shows me love
My Aries chick just wants to hold a grudge
I love chillin' with my Cancer chick
But she got a temper, nearly made me crash my whip
My Virgo chick's forever fussin'
And she's a know-it-all, you can't tell her nothin'
My Leo chick stays by my side
Thought I was bad but she got way too much pride
I been runnin' through these lighties since the nineties
Got these bitches in their feelings like a Pisces"


Nines - Calendar
(From Crop Circle 2 album; 2023)



Am I the only Brit who prefers Calendar to Nines' usual Trapper Of The Year borishness? This shit is a unisex jam which is 25% 7 Days, 25% What You Want, 25% Girls, Girls, Girls and 25% precisely what I wanna hear blaring outta Bluetooth speakers in pub beer gardens this summer. If J Hus doesn't wanna drop Road-Rap's 2023 Song of The Summer™ then Calendar is a substitute of the 2006 Henrik Larsson calibre.

Really doe, Nines needs to chill with the Scorpio slander. The only lies we tell are whiter than Young Black Teenagers. It's not what they know, it's what they can prove!