Friday, 24 May 2019

Fuegoveli

"And she do what I say so
But she Play-Doh, save her in my phone as Plato"


Ether ft. Fivio Foreign & Mr. Swipey - WAKA
(From YouTube; 2019)



Pink Chardonnay is an ill blogger because he found the first fun New York Drill song. Well, it probably registers as N.Y Drill to the average listener, but it's more like a Chicken Noodle Soup for the Bobby Shmurda generation. Call 'em what you want, they're all Uncle Murda's children to some degree.

Wednesday, 22 May 2019

Oi Drizzle

Fuck being snarky, Messy Mart is complicated. As, indeed, is Edan's music.


1. Can't front, back in 2001 I dismissed Edan as a period-piece pastiche artist with an amusing Ultramagnetic MC's homage and was only interested in him as a DJ. It wasn't until a year later I became a fan of his music after catching a live show where he flipped my script with Run That Shit! and the Emcees Smoke Crack remix.

2. What I dig about Edan's best shit is that it has a similar strain of smart-arse bratty humour to Paul's Boutique-era Beastie Boys but from the perspective of a super-scientifikal Rap savant who uses Percee P's Lung Collapsing Lyrics as a Rosetta Stone. Also, his beats knock.

3. I only ride for Edan as a singles artist - as in, you don't really need to bother with any of his 3 albums because you can find all his best songs on his various 12"s, EP's, and 7"s (Primitive Plus does have a few jams, though tbf.)

4. I've never undertood the luv for Beauty And The Beat. Nowt to do with the switch in production sound, and everything to do with his smart-arse bratty humour being replaced with those painfully earnest Hip Hop Historian 101 rhymes.

5. Were there many other Rappers "feasibly in the same ballpark" as Edan? Aside from maybe J-Zone, I can't think of a single other Rapper from the late 90s/early '00s indie-Rap scene who was making music as simultaneously funny & funky as Edan's best shit (no A.C The P.D @ funny & funky.)

6. Edan is responsible for me enjoying Mr. Lif - a feat no other producer has managed thus far. Ditto Homeboy Sandman.

7. Anbody else ever get weirded out by Edan's scatalogical obsession? No shotz/shitz, but he definitely comes across as the sort of bloke who might have rubbed one out to 2 Girls, 1 Cup.

Saturday, 18 May 2019

**Max B on Why You Do That voice**

Ya host is like "I don't even like Durk-core BUT.. but I fuck with this new Polo G shit right here!" This that grown & gorgeous shit with #bars and pathos for the summer, the winter, 4th quarter, whatever... owwww. Soul shit.

"I've been scarred by your love, left my heart bleedin’
My soul posted in the shadow with some dark demons
I'm on the E-way in a fast foreign car speedin'
.223s spit out quick when that chopper ringin’
We ain't never duckin' beef, bitch, we not vegan
My lil' n*ggas 'bout that action, they be Glock-squeezin'
Red beams on his head, now his top leakin'
I heard that boy got manned down and now the opps grievin'"


Polo G - Deep Wounds
(From t'internet; 2019)



For posterity, bonus beats:

Friday, 17 May 2019

Space Age Pimpin' 4 real

Jimmy Spicer came to Earth on a meterorite, Suga Free & the atomic frog Kokane came to our square Earth in a spaceship like The Thing. Sod a Street, this is Galaxy Gospel: men are from Mars, women are from Venus, pimps are from Pluto, hoes will lick Uranus, and simps can get a metaphorical Neptune's kiss.

"First of all I'm Mr. Cushy
I catch a bitch, I break a bitch, I make her sell her pussy
N*gga, this your girlfriend
If that bitch decide to A.W.O.L right now your whole world end"


Suga Free ft. Kokane - Hole In My Heart
(From The Resurrection album; 2019)



Pink Chardonnay esquire asked if Suga Free is moshing in the video, and there's some definite Magic Don Jonathan Davis from KoRn moves goin' down - I guess you can't always Dip Da when shit is real out in the Fieldy. Anyhoo, hat tip to Suga Kane for gettin' 3/4 of the Bring It On gang back together.

Tuesday, 14 May 2019

Manchester's alright if you like saxophones

808 State - Pacific 707
(From Pacific single; 1989)



808 State don't like it when you say that Pacific is A Guy Called Gerald's song which Graham Massey played saxophone on.

A Guy Called Gerald doesn't like it when you say that Pacific is better than Voodoo Ray.

Mancunians don't like it when you say that Pacific almost single-handedly redeemed the Madchester era.

Londoners don't like it when you say that Pacific bodies any dance music from down south.

Americans don't like it when you say that Pacific bettered Chicago at its own game by truly putting the Acid into Acid House.

There were at least 5 different mixes of Pacific in 1989 alone starting with Pacific State from the Quadrastate EP, but the Pacific 707 single mix up top is the definitive one. You've gotta be a right dry-eared rando if you consider Pacific anything other than the G.O.A.T British song of the last 30 years. If a case could be made that Hip Hop kulcha's introduction to the U.K has been as inadvertently devastating as the introduction of grey squirrels to these shores, the exact opposite is true of House music - Chicago stays creating it, the U.K stays taking it and making it even better.

Friday, 10 May 2019

Boy, your bitch ugly and I heard she had 3 toes

70th Street Carlos ft. Sauce Walka - Drip On 70th Street
(From t'internet; 2019)



It's a beautiful thing when a song lives up to its teaser snippet innit? The Rou' & the Hou' uniting for a cross-country whoadie rodeo. Never liked Sauce Walka previously meself, so I'm surprised how successfully he's pivoted to WNC Berserker Bounce™ here by sounding like UNCle Whop Bezzy.

Bonus beats: Play For makes the ideal B-side to this one.

70th Street Carlos - Play For
(From t'internet; 2019)


Thursday, 9 May 2019

Generic list post: top 50 non-rap songs of the 2010s imho


Picture me waitin' until List Making Season™ to drop my best non-Rap songs of the 2010's post when I've already got 50 unfuckwithable choonz right now. I ain't enough of a generalist to be able to determine whether this was a good decade for Other Genres™, but there was a sweet 3 year run from 2013 to 2016 where my taste & popular non-Rap music realigned and I could hear loadsa my favourite songs du jour out in bars for the first time since the mid 2000's. So, raise a motherfuckin' toast to the decade when Inspector Norse went from being an underground anthem your raver m8 puts you onto to a P4k listicle token dance song to soundtracking talkSPORT segments about Mike Parry trying to lose weight.

The-Dream - Yamaha (2010)
Danzig - Black Candy (2010)
Todd Terje - Inspector Norse (2012)
Miguel - Adorn (2012)
DJ Q - JD & Coke (2012)
Ty Dolla $ign - My Cabana (O.G video version) (2012)
Robosonic & Adana Twins - La Fique (2013)
Omar-S - Thank You For Letting Me Be Myself (2013)
DJ Snake ft. Lil' Jon - Turn Down For What (2014)
DEV ft. Sage The Gemini - Kiss It (2014)
Vybz Kartel - Miami Vice Episode (2014)
D'Angelo & The Vanguard - Sugah Daddy (2014)
Usher - Good Kisser (2014)
Shaggy ft. Maxi Priest & Super Cat - Night Flight (2014)
The Kid Ryan ft. Problem & Mr. Smith - No Boundaries (2014)
Kevin MacLeod - Black Vortex (2014)
Julio Bashmore ft. J'Danna - Rhythm Of Auld (2014)
Spice - Needle Eye (2015)
David Zowie - House Every Weekend (2015)
Busy Signal - Text Message (2015)
Charli XCX - Doing It (O.G solo version) (2015)
Robin Schulz ft. Francesco Yates - Sugar (2015)
John Carpenter - Night (2015)
Justin Bieber - Sorry (2015)
Charles Bradley - Changes (2015)
Major Lazer & DJ Snake ft. MØ - Lean On (2015)
Courtney Love - Walk Out On Me (2015)
Shatta Wale - Hol' It (2015)
Chi Ching Ching - Nacho (2016)
Tinashe - Touch Pass (2016)
DāM-FunK - Hazy Stomp (2016)
Carolyn Rodriguez ft. Kap G - On The Grind (2016)
Dexta Daps - Chinese Jordan (2016)
Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Work From Home (2016)
Kwamz & Flava - Takeover (O.G version) (2016)
Shift K3Y - Like This (2016)
Popcaan - Tight Pussy Wine (2016)
Moelogo - Penkele (2016)
Simoncino - Beyond The Dance (Mr. Fingers Dark Mix) (2016)
Maleek Berry - Kontrol (2016)
Tove Lo - Disco Tits (2017)
Diron Animal - Don't Stop (2017)
Jacquees & Dej Loaf - At The Club (2017)
8 Bit Universe - XO Tour Llif3 (2017)
Wande Coal & DJ Tunez - Iskaba (2017)
Tamia - Leave It Smokin' (2018)
Donae'o - Chalice (Martorialist edit) (2018)
Juiceboxxx - Ripping Up My Soul (2018)
Mr. Fingers - Full Moon (2018)
Kreayshawn - Not My Job (Punk Cover) (2018)

Related: the best international Rap songs of the 2010s.

Tuesday, 7 May 2019

Pop, lock, and cock it

"N*ggas buildin' walkways, you already burnt your bridge"

Baby Money - I'm Coming
(From YouTube; 2019)



Some ol' Robotic futuristic George Jetson type random Detroit street shit that Mr. Wiggles could pop & lock to.

Saturday, 4 May 2019

Computer's Putin


**Chas Smash from Madness voice** Don't watch dat, watch dis:


Suga Free & DJ Quik just dropped a threequel to Why U Bullshittin'. Read Suga Free's verse in psalm, but the refreaked production isn't strong enough to withstand needless verses by someone from the Outlawz and Quik himself. Smell my thumb.


Of course, true scholars of Pomona's Hoet Laureate know that Why U Bullshittin' Part 3 in all but name was on the Smell My Finger album.

Wednesday, 1 May 2019

Martorial Elegance: Stinkerbell's Story

♪♪ ..Post the folk-fiend singing folk, who don't know the meaning of water nor soap.. ♪♪


Really doe, fuck A$AP Folky. What's the deal with that unreleased Slick Rick Can't Dance To A Track If It Ain't Got No Soul song which was supposed to be on the deluxe reissue of The Great Adventures Of Slick Rick but has vanished from the final product? Dunno if it's really an olde demo track but it's MC Ricky D rhyming over Funkadelic's (Not Just) Knee Deep and I need to hear that shit ASAP.

Monday, 29 April 2019

Generic list post: April 2019


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Drake's Curse struck the red half of Manchester. Lads, it's Tottenham Audrey Graham. Hold on, we're going Hamburg on a thursday night.

Bizzie Boyz - Crazy Hard! (1988/2011)
Pete Rock - Street Dreams (Instrumental) (1996/2019)
Rich Blue - Kikan (2019)
Hit-Boy & SOB X RBE - Family Not A Group (2019)
Hoyt Axton - Telephone Booth (Ole Smokey Edit) (1974/2016)

Other notables: not technically a song, but I've been jammin' J Hus' Daily Duppy freestyle too ("big bunda, she in the Bundesliga"); that Children's Story demo from the deluxe reissue of Slick Rick's debut album is more like a Ruler's Back-era sequel where Rick only had time to write one verse; props to ANU for finding the first notable Baby Soulja song since Dirty; Doe Boy's Walk Down is 2019's first entry in Boyz-N-The-Hood-core canon; didn't like anything on that new Rico Nasty EP meself.

Saturday, 27 April 2019

Two reasons why that new Pete Rock instrumental album is actually notable

Pete Rock - Street Dreams (Instrumental)
(From the vaults; 1996/Return Of The SP1200M album; 2019)



1. It includes the instrumental of Pete Rock's unofficial remix of Nas & R. Kelly's Street Dreams remix. The nonce's hook sounded like a tomtit-on-a-round-of-beef over Pete's beat so Street Dreams works better as an instrumental. Might work even better still with AZ visualin' some sage Schweppervesence street ghetto essence over it, mind.

Pete Rock - Food 4 Thought (Instrumental)
(From the vaults; 199?/Return Of The SP1200M album; 2019)



2. It also includes this track which is just beggin' for someone to bless it. Pete and Max B already have chemistry together so Pete should slide Food 4 Thought to the side until Max gets outta the slammer. Biggavelz could transform this one into some transcendental waviness by reflecting on his years wasted in prison, and it'd keep his post-prison music grounded before he inevitably ends up doing generic Auto-Tune shit featuring A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie.

Thursday, 25 April 2019

The MartyRobbinstorialist

You, a square: pontificating about the predictability of Tyga hopping aboard 2019's Cowboy-Rap stagecoach.

Me, a connoisseur: listening to Soundcloud edits of deep cut gems by the old Country singer who played Billy's dad in Gremlins.

Hoyt Axton - Telephone Booth (Ole Smokey Edit)
(From Life Machine album; 1974/Soundcloud; 2016)



In a perfect world this Telephone Booth edit woulda been featured on the same Ultimate Breaks & Beats album as Bad Bascomb's Black Grass. Shit is funkier than Al Swearengen's piles.

Friday, 19 April 2019

Re-Up Gong: the best of A-Mafia Audiomack playlist

Well, this explains why Uptown's-Mr-Outta-Town A-Mafia hasn't dropped any new songs in the last 4 years - he's been too busy movin' mountains of beak in the outskirt cities of New York state. Doesn't seem likely we'll ever get any new music from the G.O.A.T Harlem henchman rapper again, so here's a re-up of my best of A-Mafia Audiomack playlist. 24 tracks dating back to the Purple City mixtapes in 2003 right up to his last song in 2015.

Wednesday, 17 April 2019

Generic list post: 10 from 2019

Shoes up, who's down for my top ten Rap tunes of 2019 so far? It's hard out here for ya host when I'm hearing casual Drakeisms creeping into all manner of Rap, and even harder when so much current Rap production doesn't fulfill its basic requirement of knocking. Thus, I ain't even exaggerating when I say that I'm treating every song in this list as a minor-miracle.


BlocBoy JB - House Party
Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Still Not Havin' It
AZ - It's Time
Eat Em & Spitta - Side N*gga
DaBaby - Walker Texas Ranger
TREE - Backflip
Queen Key - My Way
Sada Baby & FMB DZ - Ape Drip
Quelle Chris - Obamacare
Rich Blue - Kikan

Saturday, 13 April 2019

B.I.G >>>>>> R.S.D

Notorious B.I.G - Me & My Bitch (Computer Love remix)
(From the internet; 2011)



There was never a studio version of Biggie's live performance of Me & My Bitch over Computer Love from The Show so some intrepid soul put his own bedroom blend-job together. I shoulda pressed this up on 12" for 2019 Record Store Day today, advertised it as an unreleased Bad Boy remix from 1995, sold the 12"s for £60 a pop, and watched that boutique vinylz collector sucka cash come rollin' in.

MP3 here if anyone wants it.

Tuesday, 9 April 2019

Late pass! Dance to the Ski-Beatz

"Yeah, I stole the money that ya grandmother sent ya
She tried to get it back, I punched in her dentures"


Bizzie Boyz - Crazy Hard!
(From the vaults; 1988/Rare & Unreleased '87 - '89 EP; 2011)



Now, this is a proper banger - the I'm Bad of North Carolina. Say what, you don't believe me? Yo, Scout's honour. Makes zero sense that Crazy Hard! and Brainstorm got shelved back in 1988 because they're probably the best songs the Bizzie Boyz ever recorded. Presumably the M.C Willski-era Ski of Crazy Hard was just too ig'nant for Payroll Records in '88?

"Yeah I know ya brother, I called him a punk
Had a gun to my head and I was still talkin' junk"

Saturday, 6 April 2019

Thursday, 4 April 2019

In the Soviets we drink vodka, brah!

"I'll slam a n*gga on his fuckin' neck
Give him a heart attack in his fuckin' back"


Rich Blue - Kikan
(From Out The Blue mixtape; 2019)



Maniacal Detroit stream-of-consciousness shit by the Hands Hands guy. Been waitin' on this song for the proverbial hot minute and now it's here I can't decide if it's gas or ass - maybe both? (In the Soviets, song waits for you, brah!) I guess you've gotta take the bona fide quotables with the brain-queefs.

Tuesday, 2 April 2019

Lone bloggas who candidly flip fly prose single handedly with one eye closed (no Byron Crawford)

(GEDDIT?)

MF DOOM ft. Kurious - ?
(From Operation Doomsday album; 1999)




Ayo yo, you can't stand right here, April 20th is gonna be ya man's worst nightmare. Why? Because the internet is gonna be awash with Operation Doomsday 20th anniversary articles by those corny Indie fux who hold the tragic opinion that Madvillainy is DOOM's masterpiece. Obviously it's now or never like Tela, and I ain't tryna suck the life outta your P4K pitch idea like Bauhaus' muse Bela, but please refrain from writing anything if you've ever worn a straw hat like Dana Dane's Cinderfella.

Not that the obscurist Rap contrarians who prefer the sloppy O.G 12" mixes of Hey!, Go With The Flow et al to the perfecto Operation Doomsday re-recordings aren't equally annoying as #Madvillianhive, mind. Shakedowns, lockdowns, and wet dreams of Mrs Brown for the lot of you.

PS: no straw hats ever unless you were Mac Dre.

Sunday, 31 March 2019

Generic list post: March 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Scott Walker died before he could drop his song with 70th Street Carlos. Really doe, a sincere R.I.P to Ranking Roger from The Beat.

Jakki Tha Motamouth ft. Copywrite - Widespread (2000)
Max B - Take A Flick (CDQ) (2007/2015)
AzChike - Big Chop (2018)
BlocBoy JB - House Party (2019)
TREE - Backflip (2019)
Sada Baby & FMB DZ - Ape Drip (2019)

Other notables: thank fuck someone fixed the low-end problems on Queen Key's Ratchett; just getting round to the new Quelle Chris album and Obamacare seems like the obvious highlight; this Peezy song is a good example of Detroit beatjack-Rap; if nothing else, there's now a 2019 Rap song which samples the Twilight Zone theme; heartwarming to hear Young Bleed & Max Minelli together again; kinda prefer the Mouse On Tha Track instrumental of this AK Da Ace & 70th Street Carlos song.

Friday, 29 March 2019

Who shot Phats & Small? If we don't get 'em they gon' get us all

It's bigger than HIP HOP HIP HOP today. As Canibus nearly once said, Stardust's Music Sounds Better With You was the most overrated song I've ever heard in my life because the greatest Filter-House choon of all time dropped on March 29th 1999:

Phats & Small ft. Vanessa Feltz's future husband - Turn Around
(From Now Phats What I Small Music album; 1999)



Officially 20 years old today this tune. If FACT Mag doesn't drop an oral history of Turn Around anniversary article in the next 24 hours then they're the police.. actual FACT! Remember dem dayz when Britain could waltz right into continental Europe and snatch a sub-genre from right under Johnny Foreigner's nose? Turn Around is Nigel Farage's utopian Brexit in audio form innit.

Thursday, 28 March 2019

Shout out to Karate Joe

TREE - Backflip
(From We Grown Now album; 2019)



Have a load of Hong Kong TREEey here on my favourite sing-sang song by him in yonks. I got crazy visions for the video, BOOM: it's TREE sittin' in a rocking chair on a porch while The Wongs from The Wanderers and the Ruff Ryders roster circa 2000 indulge in some Kung Fu fighting on TREE's lawn. Obviously the video would be the trailer for a spin-off movie called Enter The Drag-On.

Tuesday, 26 March 2019

Born To Audiomack: 2019 late pass! (so far)


If you know me then you'll already know that I'm constantly dipping back into the past like Rodney in Goodnight Sweetheart. Thus, here's a playlist of my favourite new-to-me discoveries of 2019 so far. Has somebody farted? No, this playlist is just THE shit.

Bizzie Boyz - Brainstorm [1988/2011]
Filthy Phil - Deadgiveaway [1992]
Jakki Tha Motamouth ft. Copywrite - Widespread [2000]
Dubee & Mac Dre - You Ain't My Dog [2001]
Cam'Ron ft. Ted Dibiase & Frank Muller - Oh Boy (Philly Remix) [2002]
Husalah - Inshallah (In God's Will) [2003]
Max B - Take A Flick (CDQ) [2007/2015]
Pablo Skywalkin - No Big Homie [2017]
AzChike - Big Chop [2018]
Eat Em & Spitta - Side N*gga [2018]

Thursday, 21 March 2019

Crap De Rap Show


In lieu of the news that only 2 members of Stetsasonic turned up to their live show at the Jazz Cafe in London last night (and neither of them were Daddy-O), here's some hypothetical nightmare live Rap shows which probably will happen one day because most rappers are lazy scam-artists.

Onyx.. but it's just a hologram of Big DS (R.I.P, natch.)

Eric B. & Rakim.. but it's just Eric B with Rakim-soundalike The Wizard Of Rap, and the show is a front-to-back performance of Eric's shitty R&B solo album.

Capone-N-Noreaga.. but it's actually their weed carriers Musaliny-N-Maze performing their C-grade 2001 Neptunes single 10 times in a row.

Brand Nubian.. but only Lord Jamar turns up and he's got DJ Vlad with him instead of DJ Alamo. After Jamar's performed Dance To My Ministry he spends the rest of the show complaining to Vlad about teh gays and Young Thug's skirt.

3rd Bass.. but it's MC Serch with Michael Rappaport.

MF DOOM.. but it's actually Dart Adams in a DOOM mask and he spends the entire duration of the show ranting about how he's the only person alive who knows the correct U.S release dates for 80's video games.

Slaughterhouse.. but you thought it was a Royca Da 5'9 solo show, so now you have to watch Joe fucking Budden & the other 2 useless bums perform live because you've paid £18 and you at least wanna hear Royce play Boom.

Wednesday, 20 March 2019

The Fixxers 2K19

"These bitches ain't got no finesse in they bones, I been the best in my zone"

Queen Key - Ratchett
(From Eat My Pussy Again album; 2019)



Round of applause for Queen Key & ChaseTheMoney. Fuck what you heard previously, they've fixed the distorted bass on this joint so it's now possible to bump that shit without causing cracks in your nearest windows.

Thursday, 14 March 2019

Champagne On The Bloc

BlocBoy JB - House Party
(From YouTube; 2019)



Some folks say BlocBoy JB looks like a BTEC Paul Pogba, here at The Martorialist we say BlocBoy JB's new single has a beat like Paul PogBLAP! While the man from Memphis' chapstick-flappin' here is cool enough, it's the FreshDuzIt backing-track that taxis House Party for takeoff.

Wednesday, 13 March 2019

Ice like T, hot like Hell

Max B - Take A Flick (CDQ version)
(From the ByrdGang era; 2007)



Take a picture, it'll last almost as long as it's taken me to snag the lesser-heard properly mastered CDQ version of Max B's Take A Flick, a ByrdGang-era Biggavelz song which didn't leak until 2013. In an ideal world this shit woulda been the B-side to Why You Do That, and both songs back-to-back on the same single woulda been New York's last great double-sided Rap 12".

24 volumes of Max's Library Of A Legend and they somehow missed Take A Flick? Owww the humanity.

Tuesday, 12 March 2019

Reasons why I love YouTube part whatever

"Aye, big stick on me
Big money cut his tongue, put a lick on him
Speak my name, bring the flame, put a flick on him
Trap star, that's a bar, put a brick on him"


AzChike - Big Chop
(From the internet; 2018/YouTube; 2019)



2019 fanmade video for a 2018 track which doesn't have an official video but really should do. Some ersatz-Bay slap from L.A which keeps shit effortlessly simple.

Sunday, 10 March 2019

For Doz Who Homaged?

"Sucker M.C with pockets so empty
Don't you know that a battle doesn't tempt me?
You talk smack but you & I know
You're on the first row at a Bizzie Boyz show"


Bizzie Boyz - For Those Who Slept
(From Droppin' It album; 1990)



Was it some sort of arch in-joke that Black Sheep recorded a song called For Doz That Slept when their first album sounds it was lowkey inspired by the Bizzie Boyz' For Those Who Slept? Probably accidental, yet weirdly coincidental.

The Bizzie Boyz era of Ski Beatz' career seems to be almost entirely forgotten nowadays despite the fact he was producing/rhyming solo on legit jams™ as far back as 1987. Maybe it's a form of punishment for For Doz Who Dabbled In Hip House?

Friday, 8 March 2019

Generic list post: For The Birds, By The Birds


We don't know much about chemistry here at The Martorialist, but we're not half bad on biology, tbf. Celebrate the lasses this #InternationalWomensDay with a list of ya host's favourite Rap songs of the 2010's by da ladeez.

Lady - Pussy (2011)
Kreayshawn - Gucci Gucci (2011)
Katie Got Bandz - I Need A Hitta (video version) (2011)
Sasha Go Hard - Why They Mad (2012)
Diamond ft. Juicy J & Jackie Chain - At The Bar (2012)
Junglepussy - Bling Bling (2014)
Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX - Fancy (2014)
Heaven ft. Lil' Chris - Don't Shoot (2014)
Honey Cocaine - Honeydick (2015)
Tink - Aquafina (2016)
Dreezy ft. Jeremih - Body (2016)
Team Toon ft. Ya Boy Big Choo - My Hot Girl (2016)
Queen Key - My Way (2017)
City Girls - Period (We Live) (2018)
Rico Nasty - Smack A Bitch (2018)
Jean Grae & Quelle Chris - My Contribution To This Scam (2018)
Doja Cat - Go To Town (2018)

Let's not let da ladeez off too lightly, mind. In the interests of equal opportunity #content it's only fair to song shame the worst this decade of Female Rap™ has shat out. Does it really get any worse than these?

Kitty Pryde - Okay Cupid (2012)
Chippy Nonstop - Money Dance (2012)
Lauryn Hill - Neurotic Society (2013)
Nicki Minaj ft. Chris Brown, Drake & Lil' Wayne - Only (2014)
Cardi B - Bodak Yellow (2017)
Azealia Banks - Anna Wintour (2018)

Tuesday, 5 March 2019

Leg over like Mike

A guide on how to navigate hearing Michael Jackson's music in public post-Leaving Neverland noncetroversy. Read on to find out if you can still do the Thriller zombie dance at your local pub's next Halloween party without fear of getting bottled.


* P.Y.T aside, anything up to Thriller is socially acceptable because Pop's #Problematic Fave™ probably wasn't fiddling kids at that point. Thus, you can still dance to owt from Off The Wall, and it's still okay to shake a leg to all the Jackson 5's choonz (except for ABC because it's now the most played-out bait DJ tune of all time.)

* Any of the good songs from Bad can still be enjoyed within the privacy of your own home, but you're on shaky ground enjoying them in public because the (Jonathan) King Of Pop™ was clearly a serial pederast by 1987. Note: if you do still bump anything from Bad for your own pleasure this means you can no longer watch The Lost Boys in good conscience because Jackson had already bummed Corey Feldman and Corey Haim by that point.

* Anything after Bad is 100% No Play Zone territory. Partially because Mickey Mars Bar Jackson was in raging nonce-mode by that point, but mainly because his post-80s music was utter shite. I'm not saying bad taste in music is a crime on a par with paedophilia, but anyone who actually enjoys Earth Song or We Are Not Alone probably deserves chemical castration.

Saturday, 2 March 2019

The Rap career don't end if ya eyes don't close


Fuck the world, what happened to Ezale? He ain't released any new music since 2016, ain't posted on Twitter since 2017, and ain't updated his Instagram since 2018. Is the Pol Pot of pillpopping on an extended holiday in Cambodia? Or did he ditch the drugs and join an Orange County straight edge cult? Or has he simply bored of #BringingThisTownShitBack? Hope it ain't the third option because there are still classic Larry Smith instrumentals he could potentially reanimate.

Plus, it'd be tragic if Ezale exits Rap stage left pursued by California Bear without recording a slap called Pol Potna.

Thursday, 28 February 2019

Generic list post: February 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when K-Rino dropped a B.o.B's Earth view of T.I. Vs T.I.P.

Filthy Phil - Deadgiveaway (1992)
Husalah - Inshallah (In God's Will) (2003)
K-Rino ft. Poiz'N - Don't Know Why (2004)
Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Still Not Havin' It (2019)

Other notables: Ain't You was the only significant track for me on WNC Ram Bam's new mixtape; the Doja Cat & Rico Nasty song could have been a legit jam if it wasn't for that same played-out drumkit which refuses to fade into history; fair play to Deniro Farrar's Stuck For The Bag for adding an air of genuine menace to some generic Trap shit; the BeatKing & Fabo song coulda been a legit jam if Fabo hadn't rhymed about his dick for the duration of his verse (rappers should only be allowed to rhyme about their dicks more than once a verse if they do so via innuendo and/or for comedic purposes, imho.)

Sunday, 24 February 2019

The Price Is Trife

Speakin' of NorCal rappers on the run recording songs, el hombre tremendo BigSleep just put ya host onto this obscure 1992 cassette EP by Filthy Phil called The Manhunt. Story goes Phil was a Richmond turf buccaneer known for popularising the term Player Haters on wax who shot a cop during a traffic violation to avoid going back to jail, went on the run from the FBI, was featured on the TV show America's Most Wanted, and recorded an EP whilst he was duckin' the coppers using samples from his TV appearance for the EP's intro.

So far so fascinating for mob music mavens. But does the EP live up to the legend? In the case of Phil's gameshow-concept song Deadgiveaway, YES! Essentially, it's The $20 AK-47 Pyramid over some dense gangsta-fonk which sounds like a lost Bomb Squad noggin knocker for Ice Cube.

Filthy Phil - Deadgiveaway
(From The Manhunt EP; 1992)



Cool C shoulda hired Filthy Phil's lawyer because Phil was back on home soil and rapping again by 1999. He even dropped a 2002 CD that's somehow even rarer than his two 90s EPs.

Friday, 22 February 2019

Generic list post: favourites for the flicks


Boy, you've got me twisted like a robe if you think I'd ever read Pitchfork's 50 Best Movie Scores listicle. But please believe I'm gonna have my wicked way with the concept in the name of #content. The 50 G.O.A.T songs recorded for movie soundtracks as according to ya host Roger QBert. No order of preference, but all genres, all eras, all choonz.

1. Eric B. & Rakim - Juice (Know The Ledge) (1991)
2. Big Daddy Kane - Nuff Respect (1991)
3. Robert Tepper - No Easy Way Out (1985)
4. Curtis Mayfield - Pusherman (1972)
5. Cat Stevens - But I Might Die Tonight (Deep End version) (1970)
6. Lady Of Rage - Afro Puffs (1994)
7. Snoop Doggy Dogg - Murder Was The Case (remix) (1994)
8. Tha Dogg Pound - What Would U Do? (1994)
9. Dr. Dre & Ice Cube - Natural Born Killaz (1994)
10. Gene Pitney - The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)
11. Ronnie Hazelhurst - Are You Being Served? (movie version) (1977)
11. UGK - Pocket Full Of Stones (Pimp C remix) (1993)
12. MC Eiht - Streiht Up Menace (1993)
13. Lalo Schifrin - Theme From Enter The Dragon (1973)
14. Grand Puba - Fat Rat (1991)
15. Roy Ayers - King George (1973)
16. OutKast - Benz Or Beamer (1995)
17. Mystikal & OutKast - Neck Uv Da Woodz (1999)
18. Mark Vieha - Way To Go (1985)
19. Ennio Morricone - Man With A Harmonica (1968)
20. Slick Rick - I Sparkle (1999)
21. Henry Mancini - The Pink Panther (Theme) (1963)
22. Tim Capello - I Still Believe (1987)
23. Public Enemy - Fight The Power (1989)
24. L7 - Gas Chamber (1994)
25. 2Pac - Never Had A Friend Like Me (1997)
26. Shirley Bassey & John Barry - Goldfinger (Theme) (1964)
27. John Carpenter & Alan Howarth - Chase Across The 69th Street Bridge (1981)
30. The Crooklyn Dodgers - Crooklyn (1994)
31. James Brown - The Boss (1973)
32. State Property ft. Dirt McGirt - When You Hear That (2003)
33. Bernard Herrmann - Taxi Driver (Theme) (1976)
34. Prince & The Revolution - Let's Go Crazy (1984)
35. Kool G. Rap ft. RZA - Cakes (1999)
36. Brad Fiedel - Dream Window (1985)
37. Biggie Smalls - Party & Bullshit (1993)
38. The Plugz - Reel Ten (1984)
39. DJ Grand Wizard Theodore & Kevie Kev Rockwell - Gangbusters (1983)
40. Marvin Gaye - Trouble Man (1972)
41. Ice-T - Colors (1988)
42. Isaac Hayes - Hung Up On My Baby (1974)
43. David Lynch & Angelo Badalamenti - The Pink Room (1992)
44. Pete Rock & C.L. Smooth - One In A Million (1993)
45. Joe Walsh - In The City (1979)
46. John Lurie - Promedade Du Maquereau (1986)
47. Madonna - Into The Groove (1985)
48. Johnny Pate - Shaft In Africa (1973)
49. 50 Cent ft. Young Buck - I'll Whip Your Head Boy (2005)
50. U2 - Desire (1988)

(I wouldn't pass water on Bono if he were on fire, but I will pass judgement on U2's Desire from the Rattle & Hum OST and admit it's a legit 10/10 jam.)

Tuesday, 19 February 2019

Song 4 H >>> Song 4 U


"This is a tape, but at the same time it's ill
They said this is your fate, you'll be a Husalah that's real
Look at my face, I do give women the chills
These n*ggas they see I'm pretty, they think they know what the deal
Go ahead, get shot and buried in a hill
This is very very real, I suggest you stay very still'"


Husalah - Inshallah (In God's Will)
(From Coco County - The Album compilation; 2003)



Late pass! Feelin' tardy right now because I never knew Cutthoat Committee's Song 4 U was an obscure Husalah solo song originally before RobLo resold the beat to Mac Dre. Vintage spiritual criminal on-the-run Husalah over RobLo's holy ghost of Joni Mitchell chop-suey.

Arf @ the Coco County compilation also featuring a song by Husalah's soon-to-be bête cracker.

Friday, 15 February 2019

Methane Man

"1 hand on the wheel, 1 foot on the gas
In the diamond lane I think I'm goin' too fast
All a n*gga need is 1 mo' lick
I swear to God I'm gonna get out this shit
1 hand on the wheel, 1 foot on the gas
Hittin' hella corners with a choppa and a mask
All a n*gga need is 1 mo' lick
'Cause even then I would get out this shit"


Shady Nate - 1 Mo' Lick
(From Gasman Unleashed album; 2008)



"You've gotta know when to hit the lick, you've gotta know when to hit the road" as Kenny Rogers nearly once advised. The best J.Stalin slap not actually recorded by J.Stalin or wot? Never knew this had a video, nor could I have ever imagined it'd have over a million views since the clip is nowt but Nate alone in his car like Tom Hardy in Locke.

Wednesday, 13 February 2019

Generic list post: So International

"THEY FOREIGN!"


Remember the time Giggs went all Finbarr Saunders & His Double Entendres with a legit jam about his todger? How about the time Iggy Aztralea bodied everything Nicki Minaj dropped in 2014? Or the time MHD recorded a French language bangeur about French football? What about the time J Hus made every American dance-Rap song of 2015 sound superfluous? And who can forget the time two Nigerian lads DJ Consequence & YCEE made the 2010's British Grime revival sound like the tepid Redbull-sponsored shite it truly was? If your memory's foggier than Victorian London then here's a reminder of all the above & some other favorites.

The best non-Yank Rap songs of the 2010s, IMHO:

Giggs - Monsta Man (2011)
Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX - Fancy (2014)
MHD - Afro Trap Part 3 (Champions League) (2015)
J Hus ft. DoccyDocs - Lean & Bop (2015)
Krept & Konan ft. Jeremih - Freak Of The Week (2015)
New Age Muzik - Da Beat (2016)
21 Savage & Metro Boomin' - No Heart (2016)
Young T & Bugsey - No Mickey Mouse Ting (2016)
DJ Consequence ft. YCEE In A Benz (2016)
J Hus - Did You See (2017)
MoStack - Let It Ring (2017)
Donae'O - Black (Social Circles Remix) (2017)
Sneakbo ft. Giggs - Active (2017)

Definite correlation between me losing interest in Roadrapfrobeats and me growing bored with Auto-Tune. It also doesn't help that, after the rise of U.K Drill, loadsa rappers from the Roadrapfrobeats scene have developed stars & stripes in their eyes and started rhyming about trap-phones and the like. The only good thing which can come from Brexit is if the U.K starts deporting any British citizens who've ever rhymed about traps, opps, and bandos.

Sunday, 10 February 2019

The Roosh V Is On Fire

Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Not Havin' It
(From The First Priority Music Family: Basement Flavor compilation; 1988)



Sid The Sexist taught us that conversation is often the best foreplay, thus Rap songs about chirpsing will always be preferable to Rap songs about shagging. The O.G. battle of the sexes/wits Rap duet, I'm Not Havin' It was the inspiration for Mary J. Blige & Grand Puba's What's The 411?, as well as the prototype for Positive K's own PUA Righteous Chirpsers anthem I Got A Man. Pos' & MC Lyte recently dropped a 2k19 follow-up and it knocks on some Men Are From The Bronx, Women Are From Brooklyn type shit. All you need for one of these songs is good banter and a good beat.

Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Still Not Havin' It
(From YouTube; 2019)



Word around town, Positive K plans to renounce his PUA past in a Rap duet with Foxy Brown over the Seven Minutes Of Funk sample. The song's title? Ain't No Negga.

Friday, 8 February 2019

The Poor Elementz: Jaz

A new series dedicated to various 4 elementz survivalists polluting t'internet who make Dart Adams seem like one of the DGB guys. For doz who've slept, heeeeeeere's Jaz.


Who dat: emotionally unstable Kiwi bloke known for defending REAL HIP HOP as if it were his mother's honour and for spazzing the fuck out. Jaz is the DJ for a New Zealand age traveller Rap group who make Ugly Duckling sound like UGK.

Greatest quotes: "EAT A FUCKING FAT DICK YOU WACK BITCH ARLENE. HOW DARE YOU FUCKING DIS-RESPECT THE COUNTRY I AM FROM, IF WE EVER MET I WOULD LOVE TO SLIT YOUR THROAT AND WATCH THE LIFE DRAIN FROM YOUR BODY"

Key beefs: moderated the original Cocaine Blunts message board back in the mid noughties but went apeshit after Noz posted a Lil' Wayne song on the blog. TBF, Jaz is slightly more open-minded than the other troglodytes in this series (translation: he listens to Suga Free), which probably explains why he's beefed with both Wicked22 and A.C The P.D.

Notable opinionz: constantly complains about violent misogyny in Rap yet loves Big L and The Beatnuts.

Other eccentricities: regularly makes angry posts about the Kardashians on his Instagram; dyed his hair black when he visited China "out of respect" but left his beard grey.

Monday, 4 February 2019

Maxwell Pubas before Metro Boomins

Positive K - Step Up Front
(From Step Up Front single; 1988)



Why'd the only decent quality upload of the Step Up Front video get deleted from YouTube so all we're left with is this unwatchable/unlistenable fuzzfest? Whoever has the decent quality video rip needs to step up front and upload that shit so we can all inspect Positive K & his crew's garms again whenever we're reminding ourselves that it woz Grand Puba Maxwell not Dr. Dre or Metro Boomin'/Southside who first freaked the Ironside theme.

The 3 Heineken Technique mix of Step Up Front featuring King Of Chill wasn't quite the first great Rap remix (that'd be BDP's Remix For P Is Free IMHO), but it might be the first great Rap remix to feature all new lyrics and to introduce a guest Rapper. In that sense, it woz Possy Pos' not his old foe Puffy who Invented The Remix™.

Let's talk notable 80's remixes then, lads. Rules are no truncated 7" versions of early Rap 12"s (they're radio edits rather than remixes), and no C.J. Mackintosh club mixes (they're all shite.) Extended mixes in the Egyptian Lover stylee are, however, welcome.

Thursday, 31 January 2019

Generic list post: January 2019


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when the VladTV wardrobe department must have had a clothing shortage.

The Bizzie Boys - Brainstorm (1988/2011)
Cam'Ron ft. Ted Dibiase & Frank Muller - Oh Boy (Remix) (2002)
Pablo Skywalkin - No Big Homie (2017)
Eat Em & Spitta - Side N*gga (2018)
DaBaby - Walker Texas Ranger (2019)
AZ - It's Time (2019)

Other notables: listened to that 70th Street Carlos & Sauce Walka teaser snippet more than any of the songs Carlos dropped this past month; Z-Ro pleasantly surprised me with the best single I've heard from him in a few years; Queen Key and Quelle Chris both disappointed me with their new songs; checked Sada Baby's Bartier Bounty album and this was my conclusion; spent a good portion of January revisiting old Rap from 1989, 1999, and 2009.

Monday, 28 January 2019

Late pass!

Pablo Skywalkin - No Big Homie
(From YouTube; 2017)



2010's Detroit street Rap: a scene where Newcleus are more influential than Nas. Prefer this 2017 Pablo Skywalkin single to Cash Kidd's 2018 Jam On It interpolation, meself. Aside from a Zorbas here, a Planet Of The Apes there, or a LLYGMISTA everywhere, this current wave of Detroit street Rap still makes the most sense to my ears when it goes jackin' for beats from decades past/parts elsewhere.

All of which is a convoluted way of saying I ain't feelin' the production on Sada Baby's Bartier Bounty album apart from a couple of last year's singles. Can't fault a city for having its own default sound, but I can fault the default sound for being merely functional rather than function music.

Friday, 25 January 2019

Styles By The 'Gram Part Whateva Man


Sounds like Carlos' best song since Wake Me Up, right? I don't even like Sauce Walka usually but this is on my most anticipated songs of early 2019 list alongside this Rich Blue shit and that Eat Em shit.

Tuesday, 22 January 2019

If Feds is listenin'...


"I show you how to weigh your work on the way to work
I be proud of you like, dog, that's the way to work"


Cam'Ron ft. Ted Dibiase & Frank Muller - Oh Boy (Remix)
(From Westwood's BBC Rap show; 2002)



Peep what Step "Plug" One found on a tape of a 2002 Westwood show: a remix of Oh Boy featuring a new Cam'Ron verse and 2 verses by some Philly duo called Ted Dibiase & Frank Muller who went by the name of The Feds/Fedz (nope, us neither.) Step asked Just Blaze if it's official or nah, and he reckons it must be some "fake DJ trickery" because he'd never heard it before, so who knows? Whatever the case may be, it's a Cam verse I've never heard elsewhere, and Step's right about it being a way better flip than the Oh Girl remix with those annoying half-arsed "GIIIRRL" vox every 7 seconds.

Sunday, 20 January 2019

The Poor Elementz: Wicked22

A new series dedicated to various 4 elementz survivalists polluting t'internet who make Dart Adams seem like one of the DGB guys. For doz who've slept, allow me to introduce Wicked22.


Who dat: quintessential REAL HIP HOP retard who looks like tubby Scott Storch if he were an extra in Dilated Peoples' Worst Comes To Worst video. Wicked22 is known for bragging he has a mammoth 'vinyls' collection, yet appears to have no more than 500 records maximum in the myriad of pictures he carpet bombs the internet with.

Greatest quotes: "For all you br0s asking if Black Jeff and Asian Jeff are my only ethnic friends, here's a spreadsheet which breaks down the races of the 37 people I count as actual close friends. These are the people who I would wish a happy birthday to and people who I'd help out if they needed my help. Those 37 friends are people who I pretty regularly keep in touch with, 12-15 of which I semi-regularly see and hangout with."

Key beefs: "gAY ass mainstream rap"; "fAGGIT ass nerd rap"; "gAY ass drumless rap"; "fAGGIT ass MP3s"; former UGHH.com CEO Adam "Quest" Walder.

Notable opinionz: doesn't so much have opinions as a handful of stockphrases he's been repeating ad nauseam for the last 15 years. Where A.C The Program Director's parochial backwardness can be explained by the head injury he suffered in the 90's, Wicked's myopic palilalia is the sewage pipe through which his Asperger's flows.

Other eccentricities: wearing t-shirts over sweatshirts; creepy fetish for AZN women; big craft beer enthusiast.

Wednesday, 16 January 2019

Born To Audiomack: 2010's Golden Oldies (Re-Up)

Remember my playlist of legit jams from decades past which were officially unreleased until they finally saw the proper light of day during the 2010's? Shit's just been updated with a funky little 1988 Bizzie Boyz song which flew under my radar when it dropped in 2011 (The Bizzie Boyz being Ski Beatz's first Rap group from North Carolina, mainly known for Droppin' It which appeared on Ego Trip's The Big Playback compilation.) Shout out to BudBundy1978 and DaBaby, North Carolina is in this bitch.

Tracks & Deets:
The Bizzie Boyz - Brainstorm (1988/2011)
Lord Finesse - Inconsiderate Females (1989/2012)
Spice 1 - Killa Days (1992/2014)
Camp Lo - Camp Lo (Bust Ya Down) (1995/2016)
G. Dep - Blak N*gga (1996/2016)
Mac Dre - Pawns In The Game (1997/2014)
Juvenile ft. Big Tymers - Cash Money Gorilla (1998/2017)
Sean Price - I Shot Tha (2005/2014)
Max B - Take A Flick (2007/2013)
The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real (2009/2015)
MF DOOM & Madlib - Avalanche (2009/2016)
T-Pain & Lil' Wayne - Listen To Me (2009/2017)



Cheers to BigSleep for Zippyshare hook up.

Sunday, 13 January 2019

Generic list post: 2009 was 10 years ago!


The finale of this cheap nostalgia-fest. 30 Legit Jams™ from the year of the Gucci Mane blog post comment section wars. Bit of an anticlimax after the 1989 and 1999 lists, but a not half bad if you're willing to accept that 80% of everything good in 2009 was now on the internet or from some obscure independent album.

DOOM - Gazzillion Ear
Lil B - Like A Martian
DJ Quik & Kurupt - 9x's Outta 10
Max B - Where Do I Go?
French Montana & Max B - Stake Sause
Curren$y - Scared Of Monsters
Gucci Mane - Lemonade
Waka Flocka Flame - Hard In The Paint
ELZhi - Deep
The Jacka ft. Cellski - Won't Be Right
Rich Boy - Drop
Lil' Boosie - Mind Of A Maniac
D-Lo - No Hoe
AZ ft. DJ Greg Mack - Live Your Life
YG - She A Model
Cali Swag District - Teach Me How To Dougie
Raekwon & Ghostface Killah ft. Method Man - New Wu
Eddi Projex - On Sight
Fast Life Yungstaz - Prada Walkin'
Tha Dogg Pound ft. Turf Talk - Y'All Know What I'm Doing
Young Dro - Clean Wit' It
UGK - Da Game Been Good To Me
Jay Electronica - Exhibit C
Treal Lee & Prince Rick ft. Wideframe - Mr. Hit Dat Hoe
Nicki Minaj - Itty Bitty Piggy
Grand Puba ft. Q-Tip - Good To Go
Jackie Chain - Diamonds & Cadillacs
G-Side & G-Mane - No One Does It Betta
A-Wax & Gonzoe ft. C-Murder - Natural Disasterz
Witchdoctor - Rich & Poor

Honourable mention of sorts goes to T-Pain & Lil' Wayne's Listen To Me: supposed to drop in 2009 but didn't see the light of day until 2017. G.O.A.T use of the Oompa Loompa song or wot?

Friday, 11 January 2019

Generic list post: 1999 was 20 years ago!


You knew this was comin' after the recent favourite Rap songs of 1989 list, right? 30 Legit Jams™ from the year when da machinez didn't all implode at the stroke of midnight on december 31st.

MF DOOM ft. DJ Cucumber Slice - Rhymes Like Dimes
UGK - Wood Wheel
Black Rob - Whoa
Mystikal & OutKast - Neck Uv Da Woods
Ghostface Killah ft Raekwon - Apollo Kids
Method Man & Redman - Y.O.U
Ol' Dirty Bastard ft. Kelis - Got Your Money
Juvenile - U Understand
Lil' Wayne ft. Juvenile & B.G. - Tha Block Is Hot
Gang Starr - Full Clip
Screwball - F.A.Y.B.A.N
Young Bleed - I Couldn't C' It
Lay-Lo - Take It Like A Gee
Pharoahe Monch - Simon Says
Dr. Dre ft. Snoop Dogg, Kurupt & Nate Dogg - The Next Episode
Eminem ft. Dr. Dre - Guilty Conscience
Akinyele - Messin' With My Cru
Q-Tip - Let's Ride
Mista Madd ft. Slim Thug & Yungstar - Down South
Dead Prez - Hip Hop
Trina - Da Baddest Bitch
The Beatnuts ft. Willie Stubbz & Swinger - Muchachacha
Missin' Linx - What It Is
Project Pat ft. Gangsta Boo - Ballers
Craig Mack - Please Listen To My Demo
Harlem World - Cali Chronic
Slick Rick - I Own America (Part 1)
Will Smith & DJ Jazzy Jeff ft. Biz Markie & Slick Rick - So Fresh
Nelly - County Grammar (Hot Shit)
Fatman Scoop & Crooklyn Clan - Be Faithful

There's at least 4 songs here which have been rinsed to near-ruination by bait DJs, but they're still such 5 star general choonz that I can't bring meself to snub 'em: Simon Says, The Next Episode, Hip Hop, and Be Faithful. Pains me somewhat to snub Mobb Deep, Mac Dre, B.G., 8Ball & MJG, and Nas but none of 'em released a song in 1999 that I like as much as anything in this list.

'99 is also notable for being the year when the absolute worst Rap song of all time dropped. What's more horrific: the sight of 2 birds drinking scat in 2 Girls, 1 Cup, or the sound of Mos Def doing his dibba-dibba-dinosaur scat-singing on Umi Says? (FYI, I never watched 2 Girls, 1 Cup meself. I did, however, watch the Bun B reaction video.)