Thursday 28 February 2013

All is forgiven, Trinidad Jame$

When the dust has settled and the history books are written, future civilisations of this mortal coil won't remember Trinidad Jame$ as ATLanta's shitty Tumblr version of A$AP Rocky who managed to sucker Def Jam into giving him a deal. His legacy will simply read "White popped up in the All Gold Everything remix video 3 years after Code Name changed the Rap landscape forever!"

Here at The Martorialist, we attribute Jeezy's fall from grace as he struggled to get Def Jam to release Thug Motivation 103 a consequence of two specific incidents : him selling out Slick Pulla's Trapublicans party to endorse Obama and him not allowing White to hop on the All White Everything remix. A couple of years later and we're still smarting over the spectacular missed opportunity of the latter, but should Jeezy treat us to a remix of R.I.P with White playing 2 Chainz's position then he'll be da man on our streetz again, especially if he introduces White's verse by saying "take these yams, White man!"

All these thugs luv Jeezy 'cause they know that he the truth, got a weed carrier the same colour as coconut milk juice.

Wednesday 27 February 2013

Brief thoughts on Foxx's new Cold Blooded mixtape in the style of 3rd Person

Foxx ft. $hizz - 3rd Person
(From Don't Work, Don't Eat mixtape; 2012)

Ayo, nobody's told Foxx about Livemixtapes!
Foxx done fucked up and uploaded his new mixtape to Mediafire as untitled WMAs!
Now Foxx got Baton Rogue-Rap geeks like Fredo & ANU tryna decode his rap recitals!
Because Foxx just went and put his 'tape on Datpiff in MP3 when it still doesn't have any song titles!
Foxx's "popped a n*gga, I'm sweatin'" line on his All Gold Everything freestyle almost redeems the existence of Trinidad James!
And it sounds like Foxx got a Mouse On Tha Track feature on Track # 19 with-no-name!
Foxx is still really good when he rhymes about down 4 life 'hoodrats and dastardly dames!
But Foxx is definitely at his best when he's doing barbiturate-ballads and detailing how Baton Rogue is the backdrop for his paranoia and pain!

"If you don't like me, I'm okay with that
Just when you see me don't be givin' me no fake dap
If we supposed to be beefin' sunday, how the fuck we cool monday?
N*gga, fuck you, because all I know is one way"

Foxx ft. Lil' Cal - One Way
(From Cold Blooded mixtape; 2013)

FYI - I only know that the title of Cold Blooded's token Rappaz-have-feelings-too joint is One Way because it'd leaked previously, and the Lil' Cal character on this isn't the Lil' Cali of Dat Dick fame but the song's producer who Foxx clearly let spit his verse in exchange for a free beat. Real Foxx aficionados will be familiar with this practice already since it's just another example of $hizz Syndrome.

Tuesday 26 February 2013

Did I post this before Thomas?

Your host Clarence C-Bo right chea had pretty much given up on Jacka over the past couple of years, which isn't necessarily a bad thing since he gave us around 8 years of great music beforehand and Ampichino picked up exactly where he fell off, but he has my attention again with this cut. A Bird Money song (I think he's Young Bossi's weed-carrier, right?) in name only, essentially, this is the first Mob ballad from the third instalment of Jacka & Ampichino's Devilz Rejectz trilogy. Can you keep a stiff upper lip when Jack' sez his kids don't even have friends because they're never loyal? Shit, the kid Young Baresi right chea didn't even make it that far because I was tearing up right after the opening stanza :

"Hard to tell my daughter she got a brother with another mother
caught up in the lust so I probably never loved her"

Bird Money ft. Jacka & Ampichino - Don't Involve Me
(From The Book Of Bird Money : The Name Speaks For Itself album; 2013)

Pretty impressive how Bird Money's verse manages to cram in even more generic reference to the mafia than that hilarious movie-montage video for Mob Business by Ampichino, Freeze & Yukmouth did.

Monday 25 February 2013

This forthcoming Eazy-E documentary looks interesting

Got my Eazy-Duz-It tape and I listened and I learned, saw the Real Muthaphuckkin G's video and I tried to grow a perm :

Wot no Tarrie B?????

Sunday 24 February 2013

Val Penis

God bless your unintentionally-homoerotic ass, Rap music, for having dudes listening to other dudes talking about their todgers in intimate detail :

Lil' Cali ft. Mystikal - Dat Dick remix
(From the upcoming Catch Up 2 My Campaign mixtape; 2013)

This new remix of Lil' Cali's Dat Dick which has been gaining traction outside of Baton Rogue and on t'internet over the past month is coo', especially Mystikal's whole Damn/Honey Ham/Candy Yams/Instagram/Birmingham/Man rhyme scheme, but you fools done lost your rabbit-ass minds if you think Mystikal is a better fit for the song than Mouse On Tha Track was since the original is pretty much the Aguirre, The Wrath Of God to Dick Look's Fitzcarraldo :

"Got her trickin' breakin' bread
I just break her back and make her do the stanky leg"

Lil' Cali ft. Mouse On Tha Track - Dat Dick
(From Against All Odds mixtape; 2012)

I guess that means Level's Dumb Dick remix with Mouse, Mystikal & Mz Trill would be the Cobra Verde?

Thursday 21 February 2013

They used to do it out on the porch

Well thank fuck for that; Alpoko Don has FINALLY released an album of all his on-the-porch freestyles so we can forget the Plugged In mixtape where he rapped over shitty Soundcloud beats ever happened :

Cop it on Bandcamp.

That's all I got today. Ayo, it's the kid Genial Harry GRODT signin' off.

Monday 18 February 2013

Reasons why I hate Youtube # 1

Because frigging white ppl have now made it practically impossible to find any of the real Harlem Shake videos on there. Ay', somebody get Puffy on teh Twitter and tell him to bail the muthafuckin' deputy out of prison so he can dust his pistol off and go blast all these zany saltines who've participated in a faux-em Shake video over the past 18 days unless they study this compilation for 18 hours a day as penance :

Sunday 17 February 2013

Martorial elegance # 67

Shout outs to Jeezy & Gotti, Philaflava poster Yr Gangsta Conscience, the Surfer Girl LP by the Beach Boys, the Oi Polloi gear gawdz, and all the fellow soljas and soljarettes out there who've ever spilled peri-peri sauce on their white jeans :

♫ "He takes me to the soda shop wearin' white Levi's
at the record hop he's wearin' white Levi's
everywhere he goes he's wearin' white Levi's
and his tennis shoes, and his surfin' hat, and a big plaid Pendleton shirt" ♫

The Majorettes - White Levi's
(From White Levi's 7"; 1963)

Wednesday 13 February 2013

Nobody beats the quiz

Are you the type of person who suffered a bad case of hemorrhoids sitting on the toilet trying to complete the crossword in The Source? Do you post on Rap message boards just to display your intimate knowledge of Boo Rossini's sex life and Eric B's appearances on WWF RAW? Here at The Martorialist we was like "me too", so whatchu get here is just a preview of our new quiz series, Rap-trivia geeks - we see you!

This first Martorialist pop quiz is all Boosie everything and strictly 4 the more erudite Baton Rogue-Rap aficionados out there. Answer all ten questions correctly and then FLEX your Rap internet bragging rights afterwards on some "as we walked through the crowd they threw bills in the air" type shit because we're all out of prizes right about now bar half a bottle of hemp seed oil that's a year out of date if any of y'all want it? Earn that shit below :

1. What was the name of the album C-Loc and Boosie were supposed to drop as a duo around 1999/2000 before C-Loc got locked up?

2. Although Young Bleed is credited as appearing on Boosie's Cold Blooded it's actually another Concentration Camp Rapper. Name him.

3. Which Louisiana ex-Rapper did Turk & Mel shoot in the face after they caught him bootlegging TRILL ENT. releases at his record store in Baton Rogue?

4. Complete the following lyric : she call me, she cryin', "Boosie I'm pregnant!" ____ ______ ___ ___ ____ ___ ___ ________ _______ ____ _____ __ ____ _____

5. Which song from Ghetto Stories did I Smoke, I Drank originally begin life as an unofficial sequel to?

6. Name both Boosie videos Marlo Mike makes a cameo in.

7. On which song does Boosie interpolate Juvenile's Pimpinabitch?

8. In Ghetto Stories - The Movie, how many times does Boosie say the word "FUCK!" during the first scene he appears in?

9. Which inseparable cartoon characters are Boosie and his 40-glock like?

10. Once Boosie gets out of prison, what's the likelihood he's gonna record a shitty positive album with his Rapping pre-pubescent daughter before he records a reunion album with Webbie?

Tuesday 12 February 2013

Martorial elegance : Percy Miller's balaclava dilemma edition

Louie V Mob - Dope Case
(From New World Order mixtape; 2013)

Lovin' this joint from Percy's much-anticipated Louie V Mob 'tape since it goes buck, P arguably does Fat Trel better than Fat Trel currently does Fat Trel and blah blah blah, but, boy-oh-boy, king Miller sure could use some of Shawn Brauch's artistic alchemy right now; how's he gonna go from being in a trio of flaming skeletons wearing balaclavas on the classic Tru 2 Da Game cover to being in a trio of regular dudes wearing balaclavas with crappy No Limit screenprints that'll probably crumble off after one wash on the cover of this comeback mixtape?

Monday 11 February 2013

Martorial elegance : NWA edition # 3

One time I was on the train wearing a COMPTON beanie when some angry black dude called B-Dot approached me all like "why you wearin' that, bruv?" I got away with him not calling me a cultural tourist after I told him I was "just a fan of that Bill bloke from True Blood". Could a white girl with an N.W.A tramp-stamp get away with it so easily if she were in the same scenario? Over to you, Brian:

Friday 8 February 2013

Alpoko Don's laugh >>>>>>

Phew, Alpoko Don has gone back to tappin'-on-table-top basics after his mixtape-over-Soundcloud-beats debacle! But why did he pretend he was going to prison for 8 years when he's still recording new videos, why have I been averaging a couple of hundred of hits per day for him over the past month when the height of his viral buzz was last summer, how does he manage to use a "yo the subject of my song is like a woman" extended metaphor on Street Life without me wanting to travel back in time and rip Common's tongue out before the I Used To Love H.E.R studio session?
Alpoko Don - Street Life
(From Youtube; 2013)

Doin' it on the porch >>>>>>> doin' it in the park

Thursday 7 February 2013

Baton Rogue ain't got no luv 4 Cypress Hill?????

DJ B-Real ft. Mouse On Tha Track - It's Easy
(From Pay Da Producer Volume 1 album; 2013)

So the only DJ B-Real you need to pay attention to in 2013 is Trill's in-house producer who works as the K-Def to Mouse On Tha Track's Marley Marl. Only he's another producer/Rapper like Mouse so I suppose that makes him the Daz to Mouse's Dr Dre instead? Work that analogy out for yourselves and just know that the two gentlemen have recorded a song together on B-Real's first proper release which sounds like what would happen if Mouse got all up on the records of that Baton Rogue Heavy Metal band who were all up on the Boosie Justice Facebook page posing last year :

Wednesday 6 February 2013

Generic list post

20 great songs from 2003 which weren't the Ignition remix or featured on Get Rich Or Die Tryin' :

The Diplomats - Dipset Anthem
Lil' Boosie & Webbie ft. Pimp C - Finger Fuckin'
David Banner - Cadillac On 22s
Ghostface ft. Jadakiss - Run
Mac Dre - Dipped When You See Me
Freeway ft. Peedi Crakk - Flipside
Tragedy Khadafi - Neva Die Alone Part 2
Baby ft. The Clipse - What Happened To That Boy?
Juvenile - Numb Numb
Gang Starr - Sabotage
Blaq Poet - Poet's Comin'
Three 6 Mafia ft. Lil' Flip - Ridin' Spinners
T.I - Rubberband Man
King Geedorah ft. Mr Fantastik - Anti-Matter
Ludacris ft. Shawnna - Stand Up
Scarface - Dirty Money
The Federation ft. E-40 - Hyphy
Killer Mike ft. Big Boi & Sleepy Brown - A.D.I.D.A.S
Bubba Sparxxx - Jimmy Mathis
Black Moon ft. Sean Price - Looking Down The Barrel

Friday 1 February 2013

Brief thoughts on Juice by Chance The Rapper

Wise Intelligent aside, the only thing worse than British ppl rhyming in faux-American accents is American ppl Rapping with faux-Jamaican inflections :

Chance The Rapper - Juice
(From Acid Rap mixtape; 2013)

Kinda envy you dudes who can listen to Juice and think "this is a fresh and interesting Rap song for 2013!" because on the two occasions I've tried to bump it this afternoon I've been mentally bombarded with petrifying crazy flashbacks of Mindbender Futurama's F.A.I.L :

Mindbender Futurama - F.A.I.L
From the 8th layer of Hell; 2008)