Monday 31 December 2018

Generic list post: December 2018

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Luka Modrić won the Ballon d'Or and then turned up in Neighbours.

Grip Plyaz - Big Ballin' (2008)
Trel Itz A Hit - Cuffin' Flippas (instrumental) (2018)
BlocBoy JB - Sticcs (2018)
The Egyptian Lover - 5¢ Camel Ride (2018)
Delegation - Oh Honey (1977)

Other notables: Atlanta was by far the best of the 3 new songs on 70th Street Carlos' 777 album thingy; DaBoii's Back On My Shit would make a good B-side to Onna Gang; J. Stalin is now the Vice-era Gavin McInnes of Rap; LOL @ Fat Tone's daughter ripping Yung Cat; I was gonna peep that new The-Dream triple album people are saying is a return to form until I saw a song called Super Soaker and just couldn't bring myself to press play.

Related: The obligatory best Rap songs of 2018 post.

Friday 28 December 2018

Styles By The 'Gram Part 3

Forgive them, Father, for they have Peter Panned on your turf:

On one hand, this sounds like it might be Baton Rouge's first Legit Jam™ of 2019.

On the other hand, no song can possibly live up to this teaser video.

Sunday 23 December 2018

Lodi Dodi & Diana™

The Rich Blue song I'm waitin' for now has an even better teaser video that's a genuine world's are colliding moment. In Westminster one drinks tea or gin, brah.

Top 5 Stephen Yaxley-Lennon & McCartney Beatles songs?

Lucy In The Sky With Diana™
Day UKIPper
(Send 'Em) Back To The U.S.S.R
Magical Mystery Tour Of Afghanistan By Our Brave Lads In The Forces
EDLeanor Rigby (ft. guest drums by Lee Rigby)

Friday 21 December 2018

A Muppet Christmas Carlos

"Ain't no beefin', I got bread let's make a sandwich
We got gon' slang them bitches 'til the last man standin'"

70th Street Carlos ft. WNC Ram Bam - Atlanta
(From 777 album; 2018)

Twist that wig like Kermit's crew, it's my favourite of the new songs on 777. But what's the deal with Ding Dong being on the album when it was already on last year's Bang 2 EP? Shoulda given the best Carlos loosie of 2017 a second wind instead:

"Leave a n*gga with holes in his body like a hamper
Bitch, I be in that wood like I'm a camper"

70th Street Carlos - Bag It Up
(From t'internet; 2017)

The major criticism of 777 is that Alamo Records fucked up and put the quiet-arse unmastered version of Do That on there. Mr Bassman must have been on vacation that day, but never fear because you can find the proper version that's thick like Mississippi mud on my Carlos loosies playlist.

Wednesday 19 December 2018

The Poor Elementz: A.C The Program Director

A new series dedicated to various 4 elementz survivalists polluting t'internet who make Dart Adams seem like one of the DGB guys. For doz who've slept, allow me to introduce A.C The Program Director.

Who dat: Wee Man from Jackass-looking L.A troglodyte who KRS One kicked out of the Temple Of Hip Hop for being too insane. A.C suffered some sort of severe head injury in the early 90s which somewhat explains his retardation.

Greatest quotes: "When 2Pac died I said to the homies ‘let's go get Ice Cube!!’"

Key beefs: KRS One; Ice Cube; people with "earbola"; Stones Throw Records; Robbie Unkut; anyone who doesn't subscribe to his patented Hip Hop Philosophy.

Notable opinionz: insisting race doesn't exist; declaring that Dooley O is this century's best rapper; claiming a club night is "not a real hip hop jam" if the DJ plays songs people already know; opining that producers aren't real unless they can indulge in an impromptu beatbox battle.

Claims to fame: calling up Jay-Z on The Wake Up Show and telling him he needs to "try harder"; making those REAL HIP HOP IS NOT ON THE RADIO t-shirts DJ Premier wears; bragging that he sleeps on top of his record crates; spamming the comment section for years.

Other eccentricities: thinks everyone should drive solar power cars; possible owner of the world's largest collection of 3/4 length cargo shorts.

Monday 17 December 2018

Every member of Das Racist has now been accused of sexual assault

Who saw this coming? Certainly not the girl Kool A.D raped when she was sleeping.

Das Racist, Yung Gleesh, Antwon, RiFF RaFF... Is there a single rapper Brendan Soderberg used to Stan for in 2011/2012 who hasn't been accused of sexual assault?

Friday 14 December 2018

Cuffin' Season

Trel Itz A Hit - Cuffin' Flippas (instrumental)
(From Trel Itz A Hit's archives; 2016/the internet; 2018)

Bet you ain't never heard the Cuffin' Flippas beat in its full glory before. Me either, tbf.

The Bout It Bout It of Beserker-Bounce™ or wot? Bitch, we in that swamp water like Will Wheaton. Shout out to Whop Bezzy's "I got cheese in my pocket like between my toes" line, but the first song WNC ever recorded with Trel Itz A Hit back in early 2016 knocks harder as an instrumental dunnit?

Added this to my best rap songs of 2018 post. Two instrumental jams in my year-end list like it's 1984.

Tuesday 11 December 2018

The obligatory best Rap songs of 2018 post

2018: the year MC Serch claimed he almost had Necro & Ill Bill shoot MC Hammer on the set of the final episode of YO! MTV Raps. YOUR FUTURE IS MORBIDITY for real?

All I wanted was an anthem, just one world-conquering anthem in the vein of Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh) and 2018 wouldn't give it me. Much like 2009, 2018 turned out to be one of those years where most of the good Rap happened off-centre or in the margins. That's my diplomatic way of saying ZZZZZ @ this year's BIG hits by Drake, Post Malone, Juice WRLD, Lil' Pump, 6ix9once, Travis Scott, Migos, XXXtentacion, and Lil' Baby & Gunna. Please believe that doesn't mean I've spent 2018 listening to Joe Budden gossip podcast Rap or Faux Marciano limited vinylz Rap, though, because both lanes are equally as ZZZZZ to me as the aforementioned BIG hits.

In no particular order of preference and with the usual one song per artist rule, all I love iz these:

Husalah - Bad Young Thang
70th Street Carlos - Sprite
Trel Itz A Hit - Cuffin' Flippas (instrumental)
Valee ft. Jeremih - Womp Womp
DaBoii of SOB X RBE - Onna Gang
Kendrick Lamar & SOB X RBE - Paramedic!
Rico Nasty - Smack A Bitch
BlocBoy JB - No Chorus Part 11
DJ Premier ft. Casanova - Wut U Said???
P-Lo - Same Squad
Open Mike Eagle - Single Ghosts
Queen Key ft. Dreezy - Ha
Sada Baby & FMB DZ - Planet Of The Apes
Lil' Wayne ft. 2 Chainz - Dedicate
Roc Marciano - 67 Lobby
Cash Kidd - Zorbas (solo version)
E-40 & B-Legit ft. Stresmatic - Meet The Dealers
Rich Blue - Hands Hands
Maine Musik - Soulja Slim Flow 2
Doja Cat - Go To Town
OMB Peezy - Venting Session
Nef The Pharaoh & 03 Greedo ft. ALLBLACK - Ball Out
WNC Ram Bam - G Warfare
Lil' Peep - Cry Alone
Dru Down ft. Mistah F.A.B - Streets Is Cold
City Girls - Period (We Live)
Eat Em & Spitta - FaceCard
Sheck Wes - Chippi Chippi
Homeboy Sandman & Edan - Rock & Roll Indian Dance
Mozzy - Who I Am
Tay-K - After You (O.G version)
Jay Lewis ft. Gorilla Mode Deez & Mista Cain - I Hope
Rich The Factor - Do It Gooba
Mouse On Tha Track - Let Me In (Martorialist edit)
Level ft. Boosie BadAzz & Mouse On Tha Track - #DFWT (Remix)
FBG Duck - Slide
1TakeQuan - Grub Hub
Jean Grae & Quelle Chris - My Contribution To This Scam
The Egyptian Lover - 5¢ Camel Ride

You can find a slightly condensed streamable version of this list HERE. Also, you can find a streamable playlist of my favourite 70th Street Carlos loosies from late 2017/2018 HERE.

Barely paid attention to new non-Rap in 2018 so it ain't worth me doing a separate post of my favourite jams. The highlight of Other Music™ in 2018 was obviously the G.O.A.T Guns 'N Roses song finally getting blessed with a video, but there were also a handful of other non-Rap songs that I love like frumpy music critics love sweaters with stretched neckholes:

Donae'o - Chalice (No Canadian Rappers Please edit)
Tamia - Leave It Smokin'
Mr. Fingers - Full Moon
Kreayshawn - Not My Job (Punk cover)
Juiceboxxx - Ripping Up My Soul

Bonus beats: the 2018 Late Pass post.

Sunday 9 December 2018

Egyptian Lover has a new album out!

Sod a camel, Cleopatra coulda shook an ass or charmed a snake to this one:

The Egyptian Lover - 5¢ Camel Ride
(From 1985 album; 2018)

My face when I realised this was just an interlude and not a full song, though:

Gonna need an extended Bonus Beats mix ASAP. T'Lover had the baddest Bonus Beats and that's bad meaning good.

Saturday 8 December 2018

Eat Em, Beat Em

Eat Em & Spitta - FaceCard
(From InduSTREETS The Mixtape; 2018)

Gotta love a video featuring a cardboard cut-out of the Rapper's mixtape cover. Nowt fancy here, just a firm handshake-core anthem by the Baton Rouge rapper who looks like young Tragedy & the Baton Rouge rapper who isn't Curren$y.

Bonus beats: Trophy was such a (space) jam. Still is, in fact.

Eat Em - Trophy
(From t'internet; 2016)

Thursday 6 December 2018

"Good job 2Pac gaffled that shit, eh?"

.... That was my main thought when I heard the mythical O.G Dr. Dre solo version of California Love which someone finally leaked the other day. Thank you based Suge or wot?

Dr. Dre - California Love (O.G version)
(From A New World Odor: Papa's got a Brand New Funk album sessions; 1995)

Word around town, Suge let Dre leave to form Aftermath so Death Row wouldn't have to suffer the indignity of releasing an album called New World Odor.

Monday 3 December 2018

Monty Panesar's Life of Brain

Updated my Grip Plyaz playlist with a song I'd previously slept on. Shit's called Big Ballin', it comes from his 2008 album Grip Hop album, and it's a saucy sitar joint on some Bud Bud Ding Dong type isht. Pardon the #problematicness, but that's the sort of pun you might have heard in a Grip Plyaz song innit?

"I round you up like some cattle when I wrangle
And put my nuts up in your mouth so they can dangle "

Sunday 2 December 2018

Rock 'em out the 'boxxx

"I know these guys heard of Rock & Roll, but did you guys ever hear of Rock & Cock?"

On one hand, all the "I'm not a Rapper, I'm a Rock star!" Rappers in their crappy Metallica t-shirts deserve to be mocked and catapulted into moshpits at Brazilian Grindcore shows. On the other hand, all the best Rock songs of 2018 #actually do belong to Rappers: Rico Nasty's Smack A Bitch, Kreayshawn's Not My Job, Lil' Peep's Cry Alone, and this recent single by former Beastie baby-Boy Juiceboxxx.

"How do you grow up... when you still love Rock & Roll?
And how do you grow up... when you feel so outta control?
Just gimme a sign, oh oh, you gotta gimme a sign!"

Juiceboxxx - Ripping Up My Soul
(From Never Surrender Forever EP; 2018)

Friday 30 November 2018

Generic list post: November 2018

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month of Small Man, Big Moo.

Twista - NBA Live 2004 (2004)
Sheck Wes - Chippi Chippi (2018)
Homeboy Sandman & Edan - The Gut (2018)
Mouse On Tha Track - Let Me In (Martorialist edit) (2018)
70th Street Carlos - Wake Me Up (2018)
Lil' Peep - Cry Alone (2018)

Other notables: Mutumbo by 10k Caash & Rico Nasty is a bit of a slap tre-rando; favourite thing about RobLo's Dat Tapes compilation is that it contains an early Husalah song I've been tryna find for a while; that new BlocBoy JB track Licks where he says "they put a charge on my jewellery for aggravated blinding" is cool; I'm On My Way is the only song on Boosie Blues Cafe where he really pulls off the album's Son (Lava) House concept, imho.

(Chippi Chippi finally started making sense to me when I realised it evokes the same sort of dystopian rotten apple vibe as Group Home & Alchemist's Stupid MF's. Who'd have expected that from Desiigner 2.0?)

Wednesday 28 November 2018

Reasons why I love YouTube: get at me, Dogg

Two reasons why it was worthwhile sitting through one of the new VladTV interviews with B.G. Knocc Out & Dresta: Vlad acting like the world's foremost expert on the Death Row vs. Ruthless beef and then being totally unfamiliar with D.P.G Killa, and this video popping up in my YouTube recommendations afterwards:

"B.G. Knocc Out & Dresta havin' a double-lead party for they double-lead album.
It just went double-lead, it just went 3 copies...
... and they bought all 3 of 'em, busta ass n*ggas!"

Not a lotta people know this, but B.G. Knocc Out & Dresta dropped the best anti-suicide song since Big Fun.

Sunday 25 November 2018

Just a friendly game of basketball

Twista - NBA Live 2004
(From NBA Live 2004 soundtrack; 2004)

You know Twista & Traxster did their thing on this one when you can rhyme the song from start-to-finish and you've choreographed your own dance routine to the beat but you've never played NBA Live 2004 in your life and you're an English bloke who couldn't give a Roland Rat's arse about basketball.

Football, darts, snooker. That's it, lads.

Tuesday 20 November 2018

They used to do it out in the park(ing lot)

Ghostridin' the whip aint dead, it just moved to Baton Rouge.

You know what else ain't dead? Famous Amos & DJ iPod's I Bet U Won't challenge.

**Cam'Ron voice** (no Uncle Murda) Hopped out the casket, bastard, reincarnated!

Monday 19 November 2018

Tone Roc

"Slick as a fox, knockin' chumps out the box
I rock fat gold chains, blow brains like snot
Those who try to front get stuffed in my trunk
I rip off nuts and leave bodies in dumps
Stash the pump, roll a blunt, go to lunch
Wax the Benz when I'm done watchin' The Brady Bunch"

Pretty Tone Capone - Can't Talk Too Long On The Telephone
(From The Source Mad Flavor Vol.1 compilation sampler; 1992)

Since some boutique raer vinylz label has just reissued Azie's Street Wise cassette on record, someone should release Pretty Tone Capone's Can't Talk Too Long On The Telephone as a cassingle with audio from EttelThun's incredible PTC interview on the B-side. That'd be a way sicker tape than the Def American Records roster cassette sampler Can't Talk Too Long On The Telephone also appeared on alongside songs by Slayer, Sir Mix-A-Lot, and Brummie heshers Wolfsbane.

Tone worked miracles with the Case Dismissed video on a dirty cocaine money budget, so imagine what he coulda done on a corporate Def American budget if Rick Rubin had let him shoot a video for Can't Talk Too Long On The Telephone. It'd be a cinema verite prototype for the Phone Tap video with Tone as Nas, Azie as AZ, Gangsta Lou as Nature, and the Puerto Rican Winona Ryder lookalike from Case Dismissed as Foxy Brown. The cops, of course, would be played by Rubin and the classique Danzig line-up.

Saturday 17 November 2018

"The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven."

"I hate everybody in my hometown
I wanna burn my old highschool into the ground
I hate everybody in my hometown
Tell the rich kids to look at me now"

Lil' Peep - Cry Alone
(From Come Over When You're Sober Part 2 album; 2018)

Crux of this song? It's okay to be down with the Trenchcoat Mafia if you're an outlaw like Jason Dean and not an oddball like Dylan Klebold.

Dear diary, my teen angst bullshit is back with a body count. I can't cosign Lil ' Peep's Madchester curtains in the Cry Alone video, I can cosign the song itself. Lil' Peep's debt to Max B stays unacknowledged, but it's there in the way he finds melody in monotone, and it's deliberate. Basically, when Peep was bad he was the 'Murican Milkavelli, and when Peep was good he was the mall-goth Max B. Song rating: BQ or plain? BQ!!!

Related: R.I.P to ScuzzTV on the Freeview music channels. Where is ya host now supposed to catch the videos for Green Day's Basket Case, Crazy Town's Butterfly, Sum 41's Fatlip, and Fall Out Boy's Dance Dance when KerrangTV is playing shitty Biffy Clyro videos all night?

Wednesday 14 November 2018

Court is no longer in session

Y' host has just finished jury duty and found it an A++ experience, would gladly do again. The waiting room was an exercise in communal crossword puzzle solving, the courtroom/jury-room biznezz was equal parts theatre and #banter, and y' honour had a pithy line in making the CPS barrister look like a Costa barista. Only real disappointment was the courtroom not descending into a party a la Pretty Tone Capone's Case Dismissed video once we unanimously declared the defendant "NOT GUILTY!"

Pretty Tone Capone - Case Dismissed
(From Case Dismissed/Kidnapped 12"; 1991)

Is Case Dismissed the G.O.A.T Rap video partially set in a courtroom or does that honour belong to Death Row?

2Pac ft. Snoop - 2 Of Amerikaz Most Wanted
(From All Eyez On Me album; 1996)

Tuesday 13 November 2018

It was all a dream, I never read FACT magazine

"This shit janky
I can't even trust my aunty

70th Street Carlos - Wake Me Up
(From t'internet; 2018)

Back when we all discovered Cross Me nobody could have predicted that 70th Street Carlos would become the Biggie/Biz Markie of Beserker-Bounce, nor that he would go on to drop a Boom-Bap homage to 2Pac. It shouldn't work, but it does. Keep ya head up when you're in that water like Spencer Elden.

Bonus beats: the instrumental that changed everything or wot?

Trel Itz A Hit - Itz Back There
(From YouTube; 2016)

(No particular shotz @ FACT... except for the Sad Boys article, natch.)

BTW, added Wake Me Up, Coogi Fit, and Do That to my Carlos loosies playlist.

Sunday 11 November 2018

Windows is shutting down

"Got 2 hoes when I roll, I'm on go, on tiptoes
I re-up and reload, get 3 hoes and lay low
I'm too cold, I'm G-Code
I'm Mac, you windows"

Mouse On Tha Track - Let Me In (Martorialist edit)
(From t'internet; 2018)

Cheers to Step Won, told you this shit would sound better as a Mouse On Tha Solo Track. When Mouse sez "I'm Mac, you Windows" it's fun to pretend that he's referencing the blood test scene in The Thing.

Friday 9 November 2018

Don't ask me whattup 'cause it's insomnia with me

Joeazzy ft. Mouse On Tha Track - Let Me In
(From YouTube; 2018)

A song improved by the subtraction of Webbie and the addition of a Mouse verse on his U.N.Lil' Slim shit. It'll be improved again when I get Jack The Snipper to turn it into a Mouse On Tha Solo Track innit.

Saturday 3 November 2018

R.I.P to that $hizz guy who guested on + produced Foxx's 3rd Person

"$hizz be in Arkansas, $hizz be in Texas
$hizz don't know no dance moves but I always see him flexin'"

Foxx ft. $hizz - 3rd Person
(From Don't Work Don't Eat mixtape; 2012)

Smoke one for $hizzy, who died recently according to Frankie. A notable producer/rapper because 3rd Person is one of this decade's great lost Datpiff deep cuts, and Turk & Mel at TRILL ENT fucked up by not working it as a single back in 2012.

Yo money gripp, money gripp - you was a fool for this beat!

Friday 2 November 2018

Rick, What's The Scoop?

Job's a good 'un by Stan Ipcus on this The Great Adventures Of Slick Rick anniversary piece. Particularly like Rick's take on Def Jam releasing Teenage Love as his first solo single, an A&R faux pas only vindicated by putting the Doug E. Fresh beatbox version of Treat Her Like A Prostitute on the B-side and the 12"s artwork. Shit, I'm a fan of Teenage Love (no SPM/Afrika Bambaataa/Adam22), but it wasn't cut from the right cloth to be MC Ricky D's debut solo single.

Oh shit, Rick's just dropped a new-old song. He sez this one's from the 80s but I ain't buying that given it has the same sample as Group Home's Stupid MF's. Hmmmmm, not sure about this one in general - Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, can't you see, somehow your new song sounds like it was produced by fucking El-P.

Wednesday 31 October 2018

Generic list post: October 2018

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Children's Story took a disturbing new turn. Hey young world - don't ever let uncle Adam22 read you a bedtime story.

70th Street Carlos ft. BBG Babyjoe - Do That (2018)
Homeboy Sandman & Edan - Rock & Roll Indian Dance (2018)
1TakeQuan - Grub Hub (2018)
Open Mike Eagle - Microfiche (2018)
Donae'o - Chalice (No Canadian Rappers Please edit) (2018)

Other notables: I Hope by Jay Lewis et al is the Hater's Anthem of 2018; people don't half sweat some boring music nowadays because that Lil' Baby & Gunna album is even duller than all the Faux Marciano-core bullshit; speaking of which, not gotten around to the DJ Muggs & Roc Marciano album yet; damn, even Rich The Factor has himself a goofy white protege now; Sherwood Marty's We Outchea ain't really my thing but I love seeing Mouse On Tha Track productions possibly blowin' up; the only song I'm digging on that new SOB X RBE album is the one with the best song title of 2018; was anyone expecting 70th Street Carlos would drop a boom-bap 2Pac tribute?

Tuesday 30 October 2018

Anthony is a Johnson

"Big Afro wig with a chin-strap
I'm thinkin' real hard, chewin' on a pen cap
Some songs just more for the headphones
Fuck the NFL, fuck the RedZone"

Open Mike Eagle - Microfiche
(From What Happens When I Try To Relax EP; 2018)

Damn, Open Mike Eagle drops some fly shit when he embraces the craft of songwriting and leaves the Unapologetic Art to his videos. Bradley tells me Microfiche is Anthony Fantano's least favourite song on the new O.M.E EP, and of course it is because Fantano's ear for music is about as good as his eye for #menswear.

PS: fuck the NFL indeed. It's bad enough that a sizable portion of the U.K thinks Rugby is a watchable sport without the NFL hiring out Wembley to host the even shittier Yank equivalent. Did the British public learn nothing from that brief moment in the late 80's when da streetz of everywhere from Liverpool to Liskeard to Liscannor were littered with lads wearing them 'orrible Pony Linebackers?

Monday 29 October 2018

Ain't I allowed to just post a bona fide classic sometimes?

Yung L.A ft. Young Dro & T.I. - Ain't I (Remix)
(From Aint I (Remix) single; 2008)

Remember, remember the 25th of November for being the 10th anniversary of the Ain't I remix. A song which keeps getting better with time and deserves an in-depth Oral History Of.. Red Bull TV video. Call me an old sage if you want, but I knows my onions and Atlanta just doesn't make 'em like this anymore.

Saturday 27 October 2018

**Sean Price voice** Edan white but Edan nice

"Look up in the sky, it's a bird..
Yo, that's played out!
..I was gonna say it's a birdbath
That's way out!"

Homeboy Sandman & Edan - Rock & Roll Indian Dance
(From Humble Pi EP; 2018)

Grim Seasons is a Homeboy Sandman song which just happens to be produced by Edan; #NeverUseTheInternetAgain is an Edan song which just happens to be rapped by Homeboy Sandman; The Gut is pretty much what you'd expect a Homeboy Sandman & Edan song where they both rap would sound like; and Rock & Roll Indian Dance here is like a lost Edan & Skillz Ferguson pass-the-mic song where Homeboy Sandman just happens to plays the role of Edan's former favourite token blk m8.

Thursday 25 October 2018

It only show up once a year, ol' McRib ass song

Good news for all Lurches of chirpsing & Vampiras of banter, Open Mike Eagle's deleted 2017 Halloween loosie has reappeared on his new EP in time for the 2018 witching/cuffing season. Ain't a damn thing changed except the song's name because it's still the exact same strangely humourous take on how ghosts went from being inside the machines to becoming the machines making ghosts of humans. No lie, that bit at the end of the third verse where the Opera sample builds to a crescendo before Open Mike interpolates the chorus of Ghostbusters has haunted ya host's speakers for the last 12 months.

Open Mike Eagle - Single Ghosts
(From What Happens When I Try To Relax EP; 2018)

Gonna need O.M.E to record a song where he raps from the perpective of a dead person's social media account floating abandoned in cyberspace like a ghostship, adrift like the Mary Celly Celeste.

Wednesday 24 October 2018

R.I.P to Pumpkin, I had to regulatte

Conclusive proof Errol "Pumpkin" Bedward shoulda been the best producer of 1980 in Complex's The Best Hip-Hop Producer Alive 1979 - 2018 listicle in the form of Spoonie Gee & the Trecherous Three's New Rap Language/Love Rap 12" single:

The definitive Rap record of 1980, empirically better than any of Rocky Ford & J.B. Moore's productions on Kurtis Blow's debut album. Both tracks are original compositions rather than replays of Disco hits or classic breaks, the latter track was the first Rap song to become a breakbeat in its own right, and both songs established Pumpkin as Rap's first superproducer. I rest my case, y'honour, and I didn't even have to mention Pumpkin's other great 1980 production.

TBF, the people behind the listicle did a decent job on those early years of Rap, especially by 2018 Rap media standards, but there's a couple of mistakes in there: you can't claim Jiggs Chase was the real auteur behind The Message when you admit that Duke Bootee practically did everything on the song; and it's long been established that Davy DMX #actually produced damn near all the tracks Kurtis Blow and Aaron Fuchs both took credit for.

Friday 19 October 2018

Generic list post: 2018 late pass! (thus far)

"Ten four! Ten four!
The Martorialist has been spotted dropping a list of legit jams™ he'd slept on until 2018!
Officer required! Please bring heat-resistant gear!"

We got De La Soul samples by The Outlaw Blues Band; 70's synth-pop by Squeeze before Jools Holland discovered his boogie woogie piano; L.A Chicano Punk by The Brat; various Bay Area shit by Mac Dre, Father Dom, Z-Man, Ghost8800, and Calvin T; an unreleased Pete Rock & C.L Smooth which saw the light of day in 2009; an early Devo song Jason Jessee used in a skate video; a killer single from Ice Cube's equivalent of Knoc'turnal & Kokane; a proper saucy sitar Grip Plyaz joint; an electro-boogie cover version of Steely Dan's Peg by Brian Ellis; Nigerian semi-Grime from DJ Consequence & YCEE which bodies the British stuff: and a 70th Street Carlos loosie from the biffin's bridge of 2017.

The Outlaw Blues Band - Deep Gully (1969)
Squeeze - Take Me I'm Yours (1978)
The Brat - Attitudes (1980)
Mac Dre & DJ Cee - Donkey Ain't Free (demo) (1989)
Pete Rock & C.L Smooth - Cool & Calm (1990/2009)
Devo - Fountain of Filth (1978/1992)
Father Dom - Tell Your Baby Mama Leave Me Alone (1997)
Z-Man - White Girls Wit Ass (1999)
Mr Short Khop ft. Kokane - Dollaz, Drank & Dank (2001)
Grip Plyaz - Big Ballin' (2008)
Ghost8800 - Sonic Boom (video mix) (2012)
Calvin T - Bottom Bitch (2014)
Brian Ellis - Peg (2015)
DJ Consequence ft. YCEE - In A Benz (2016)
70th Street Carlos - Rich N*gga Bitch (2017)

(Post edited to include new discoveries.)

Monday 15 October 2018

Is Quavo's terrible solo album Auto-Tune's death rattle?

Let's be honest here, chiefs & chiefettes: there hasn't been a Rap song improved by Auto-Tune in a couple of years now, it's one of the two main reasons why 2018 is the blandest year for mainstream choonz in the genre's history, it strips regional Rap styles of all their geographical twangs into sterile RapCaviar fodder, and when Simon Reynolds is writing thinkpieces celebrating it and illustrating his points with some of the dullest songs Future and Migos have ever recorded then you know it's definitely time to leave That Funny Voice Shit™ in the past innit?

Sleep tight, sweet pitch-corrector... we'll always have the time Jadakiss accidentally called you "Audio-Tunes."

Friday 12 October 2018

I hope you ordered Dr. Pepper and they give your ass Coke

"I hope you go get them new J's and they turn out to be fake
I hope you win a trip to Africa and choke on a grape
I hope you decide to take a run and go get bit by a snake
I hope your nanna cook spaghetti and they run outta plates"

Jay Lewis ft. Gorilla Mode Dezz & Mista Cain - I Hope
(From t'internet; 2018)

File this under ‘the official Hater's Anthem™ of 2018!’

Keepin' this schadenfreude essence inside us, because it provides us with the proper insight to guide us. I hope some Bork raer vinylz boutique label presses this up on a 12" with Scotlandville.

Wednesday 10 October 2018

Thank Us Later

Tommy Robinson didn't do porridge just so some fooken' foreigner from Baggedmilkland could ruin that new Donae'o song with a verse of Poundland Drakeisms. Luckily Jack The Snipper was available to remove Fauxbrey's verse and now Chalice can be enjoyed the way Diana™ would've wanted to hear it, God bless her soul.

Donae'o - Chalice (No Canadian Rappers Please, We're British edit)
(From t'internet; 2018)

Can you believe Calvin Harris was behind the boards for this one? His first good production since Acceptable In The 80's or wot?

Sunday 7 October 2018

Born To Audiomack: the REAL Loyalty Over Love

You see, in this world there's 2 types of people, my friend - doz that slept on Black Sheep's first LP and doz that wept when they heard OMB Peezy's debut LP. Fortunately ya host Captain Save-A-Rapper is here to dry your eyes like a laptop with this 7-song playlist of the EP that OMB Peezy's Loyalty Over Love was probably intended to be in 2017 before Peezy & his label decided to discard all the songs which built his reputation.

Actual factz: it's 2018 and the LP is an outdated drawn-out format which solely exists to give people on Twitter something to have Opinionz about every friday.

Friday 5 October 2018

R.I.P Ad-Rock!

Much like the Beastie Boys' homeless m8 Johnny Ryall I've got a Rockabilly past which nobody knows. Only letting the cat(man) outta the bag today because I've just realised that The Phantom's Love Me #actually dropped in 1960 rather than 1958, thus it shoulda been included in my best songs of the '60s list. If proto-Punk exists outside the heads of aged music critics then Love Me is far more deserving of the term than all those 1963 Garage-Rock bands who just sound like Dick Dale with a fuzz pedal. This shit sounds like it was recorded by Elvis' psychopathic ghost from True Romance. Yous a fool for this one, Pat Boone:

The Phantom - Love Me
(From Love Me 7" single; 1960)

Memphis isn't where he's from, he invented Punk Rock but never met Malcolm McLaren. On the real, Yank teenagers in 1960 must have had their domes blown in the comforts of their suburban homes hearing some psychotic rockabilly shit like Love Me.

Coming next on The Martorialist: was The Legendary Stardust Cowboy Rock's first ableist?

Thursday 4 October 2018

Dog 'n' the wax

"There ain't no limit to this shit, I swear I'm feelin' like P
I fucked so many hoes, I swear I can name 'em from A to Z
I make my bitch sleep on the floor 'cause that choppa lay with me
Yeah, that glock it stay with me, that fake shit ain't okay with me"

70th Street Carlos ft BBG Babyjoe - Do That
(From t'internet; 2018)

Mr. Bang Bang? More like Mr. Triggaman amirite! This upload seems to be the only one on t'internet which doesn't sound like you're listening to it through an ear clogged with wax. Shout out to Rhys Barber, we in this bitch like a Jobson Horne.

Visuals just dropped. Why is the sky blue, why is water wet, why is the thumbnail not from the video?

Tuesday 2 October 2018

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be # 20

A square: why aren't De La Soul's classic albums streamable on Spotify or Apple?

A connoisseur: why isn't De La Soul's G.O.A.T B-side streamable anywhere, even YouTube?

There are certain De La Soul B-sides which are legit jams but deserve their position as surprise finds on the flip-sides of the anthems. And then there's What's More? which the group really should have saved for De La Soul Is Dead; Lord knows this song deserved a place on that album more than novelty interludes like Kicked Out The House or Who Do U Worship?.

De La Soul - What's More? From Original Soundtrack "Hell On 1st Avenue"
(From Me Myself & I 12" single; 1989)

There's no evidence that a movie by the name of Hell On 1st Avenue exists, let alone that a soundtrack album was recorded for it. Presumably that part of the song's title is one of Prince Paul's concepts: an imaginary soundtrack for a fictional crack-era blaxploitation movie in which the song's "tell me what's more.... " questions are set? Crazy visions, bruv.

Sunday 30 September 2018

Generic list post: September 2018

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when this little blog finally reached the top of Google's seach rankings for Will High and Vordul. Peak Martorialist... literally.

Mac Dre ft. Coolio Da Unda Dogg - California Livin' (demo) (1990)
Calvin T - Bottom Bitch (2014)
P-Lo - Same Squad (2018)
Cash Kidd - Zorbas (2018)
70th Street Carlos - Coogi Fit (2018)
Jay Lewis - Scotlandville (2018)
Lil' Wayne ft. Swizz Beatz - Uproar (2018)

Other notables: nice to hear 70th Street Carlos and WNC Whop Bezzy together again on Big B's; I've kept returning to #NeverUseTheInternetAgain by Homeboy Sandman & Edan for a couple of months now even though I'm not sure I even like it as a song or a sentiment; SonnieBo's Fresh Out is what D-Lo's 2018 songs would sound like if D-Lo stopped trying so hard to sound HARD; I was forced to endure Eminem's new album and all I could think about was tiggedy-tiggedy tongue-twistin' Iggy Azalea; X-Raided's first post-prison song is way more fun anyone could have expected (bit weird hearing his voice au naturel not filtered through a prison's phoneline, though, innit?)