Friday 28 February 2014

Bloggin's not a movie, like J.D & Veronica I lean on 'em with the loogie

I wrote about Movie by Giftz for Deep Cuts on Complex. I think it's Giftz's 1st song of 2014 and it's pretty much my 2 favourite Giftz songs of 2013 in 1.

"Wise words from a decent man, I never heard those
My role model drove a Bentley with a four and a fur coat"

Giftz - Movie
(From the internet; 2014)

Thursday 27 February 2014

Generic list post: february 2014

Another token vanity round-up of songs your host has been feelin' the hardest this past month. January's edition may have resulted in the leak of the full version of Spice 1's Killa Days so this series has already proved its worth beyond being a personal log for my own future use.

Spice 1 - Killa Days (full version) (1992)
Mic Terror ft. DJ Gant-Man - Get Off My Dick (2014)
Loon - This Ain't Funny (2003)
ZMoney - Dope Boy Magic (2014)
Willie The Kid ft. Roc Marciano - Avalon (2014)
DB Tha General - Savage (2013)/Intro III (2014)
Skooly of Rich Kidz - Na Na Boo Boo (2009)
Zilla ft. Young Dolph - Yeen Said Nothin' (2014)
Mouse On Tha Track - Been A G Thang (2014)
Juvenile - Live Wire (2014)
JuJu ft. Tragedy Khadafi - Thriller (2014)
Cashy - Stupendous (2014)
Philthy Rich ft. D-Lo, Dolla Bill & Stevie Joe - Ready 2 Ride (2010)
J. Stalin ft. Too $hort - Fuck That (2014)
Adrian Marcel ft. Sage The Gemini & Problem - 2 AM remix (2014)

Being named after a fat Anglophile from Boston who listens to the Stone Roses is not a good look for ya boy, so say toodle-pip to Chris Thott and please raise a glass to your new host of The Martorialist: Si Mane Price.

Wednesday 26 February 2014

The spirit of Mark B & Blade lives on

Never forget!

Yo, remember that time Noisey got a couple of black teenagers arrested for selling lean on Instagram, or that time Noisey paid some Brendon Soderberg weed carrier to fly to the windy city, pretend to be a smack addict, and then ask the people on the violence-ravaged streets of south side Chicago that burning question on everyone's lips: is Citgo a better song than Laughing To The Bank?

Well, Noisey just redeemed themselves for such travesties by letting the great Clive Martin -- the Norman Clegg to 2$hin's "Electric" Entwistle in this Rap Game 2010 episode of Last Of The Summer Wine -- finally tackle the depressing spectacle of UK Hip Hop club nights in his latest installment of Big Night Out: Do Brits Get Hip Hop? The scenes contained here will be all too familiar to anyone from this grey isle, but the high concentration of girls and non-white faces at such a night seems slightly unrealistic. There are ethnic people in Bristol other than those 2 mumbling stoner cunts who used to be in Massive Attack?

Monday 24 February 2014

Is Anthony Fantano #problematic?

The Makin' Magic band is back together again with ZMoney, JNeal & Brickfare reuniting over a beat which sounds like it was made on a Bontempi keyboard by Anthony Fantano's "comedy" Mexican roommate Cal Chuchusta. Best ZMoney hook since Regular or wot?

"Cops do the cuffin' and the chasin'
Don't wantcha information
Tryna hold a conversation
Iondodat! IONDODAT! Iondodat!
Why dey do dat?"

ZMoney, JNeal & Brickfare - IONDODAT
(The internet; 2014)

Dunno about you guys and gals, but here at The Martorialist we're definitely catchin' a strong whiff of Jim Davidson's controversial black character Chalky meets Phil Collins in Genesis' much-reviled Illegal Alien video from Fantano's Cal Chuchesta persona.

Loonie Gee

My favourite discovery of 2014 so far. An associate described the song as "total Martorialist aesthetic", which may or may not have been meant as a compliment, but it's true: This Ain't Funny is what a Slick Rick single for early '00s Bad Boy would have sounded like and/or what Ma$e's Welcome Back should have sounded like.

But that does Loon a disservice because he kills this ("if Loon dies, wolves come out like moon rise/and make n*ggas hard to find like Mumbai"), demonstrates why having stooges like Shyne and goons like Anthony "Wolf" Jones on the Bad Boy payroll was paramount ("the code of the street is to hold ya own/if you're smart then you never got to hold no chrome"), and he deserves one great song to his name after being a part of two bona fide classic singles in Cali Chronic and I Need A Girl Part 2.

Loon - This Ain't Funny
(From Loon album; 2003)

This Ain't Funny is that one great song, and it should have been the third single from Loon's album with a video set in Spanish Harlem full of tracking shots of Puffy playing air-flamenco guitar while standing up in a moving drop-top 1930 Rolls Royce Phantom II that's chauffeured by Fonzworth Bentley. As for Loon, he'd be doing the invisible rope-pull dance down 106th Street with the chick who looked like Brandy from the Feel So Good video.

Sunday 23 February 2014

It's 2:26 PM

Ratchet & Bloke singers are a complicated-ass genre for me in 2014: Ty Dolla $ign needs less rappers on his music for me to listen to him, whilst everybody else needs more rappers on their music for me to make it to a 3rd listen; case in point, 2 AM by Adrian Marcel: the original solo version was cool but there was an existential void in the song just waiting for someone to come along fill it with some rapping about g-spots and exes.... step forward Sage The Gemini & Problem:

"It's 2 AM and I'm tryna get in there
Say X marks the spot, but your ex not in here"

Adrian Marcel ft. Sage The Gemini & Problem - 2 AM (Young California remix)
(From the internet; 2014)

Bonus beats: in-studio performance of Paranoid by Ty Dolla $ign & Joe Moses, which is as close as we're ever gonna get to the O.G version on YouTube now. Keep the original alive so your baby momma's/daddy's children's children will know there was a time when it wasn't ruined by B.o.B and French Montana & Trey Songz:

Ty goin' for that Legion Of Doom swag with the fingerless black & red leather glove on his right hand.

Saturday 22 February 2014


JuJu from the Beatnuts walks into a bar and asks Tragedy Khadafi if he wants to hop on a new solo song of his that fits into the Beatnuts' super Disco sample-tracks chamber alongside Give Me Tha Ass and We Got The Funk. Tragedy asks him if he's crazy, so big Ju' The German plays him the instrumental and suddenly Trag' goes all yung Anthony Fantano on datazz:

JuJu ft. Tragedy Khadafi - Thriller
(From the internet; 2014)

How did this record happen in 2014? How is it this good? How has Psycho Les not hopped on it yet? How is Anthony Fantano dancing so freely in jeans that are pulled up to 2 inches below his nipples?

All bad things come to an end sorta like Eckō

Wrote about La The Darkman's Ice Cold Guinness from the Willie The Kid & Bronze Nazareth album, and She Da One by Trouble from Kato of SMKA's Kato's Revenge compilation for the Deep Cuts round-up on Complex this week. Was considering writing about Shy Glizzy's La Introducción instead of the latter but then decided against it because I don't really have shit to say about that song other than it sounds like Larry Lifeless from Upside Down Cross doing a Gucci Mane impersonation:

Shy Glizzy - La Introducción
(From Young Jefe mixtape; 2014)

Friday 21 February 2014

Reasons why I love YouTube #54

Whistle - (Nothin' Serious) Just Buggin'
(From (Nothin' Serious) Just Buggin' 12"; 1985/Whistle LP; 1986)

Shame on me for forgetting (Nothin' Serious) Just Buggin' by Whistle in yesterday's generic list post. Not only is it a key entry in the remarkable songs by otherwise unremarkable rappers canon, but it's also a pivotal song for ya boy Julianne EscoBeedaWeeda Shepherd right chea since it was a big hit in the U.K in 1986 and consequently played a huge part in me falling in love with rap muzik as a snotty little brat.

(Nothin' Serious) Just Buggin' was pretty much the year zero for stupid fruity crazy swag-rap and jerkin', and no matter what certain revisionist hip hop historians and rap game Geir Hongro-type idiots like Wicked22 try tell you, novelty dance records have always been a crucial component of rap music. Here's Whistle performing it on Top Of The Pops in all white everythang and matching raccoon pelt Davy Crockett hats that were probably made from unsold toupees. Fall back, PETA!

Thursday 20 February 2014

Generic list post: shinola songs by shit rappers

One of the great things about Rap music is that even some of the biggest hacks have at least one good song in them. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule like Immortal Technique, Pitbull, any rapper from Canada, Termanology, Yung Lean, Theophilus London, Mykki Blanco, and Joe Budden, but it generally holds true that every unremarkable rapper will record at least one remarkable song in the course of their career.

So here's 25 great songs by 25 rappers who are otherwise not so great. Some of these rappers were/are fine in groups or guesting on other people's records, but as solo artists they're hacks of the highest order whose recording careers deserve to be flushed down the toilet rather than go down in the history books.

Loon - This Ain't Funny (2003)
Young T ft. Treal Lee - Work Dat Lumba (2009)
E Money Bags ft. Nature & Kool G. Rap - Friend Of Ours (1999)
1090 Blok Boyz - Nikki (2010)
House Of Pain - Shamrocks And Shenanigans (1992)
Jae Millz - Sober (2009)
The Show ft. Mannie Fresh - Enough About Me (2009)
L Fudge - Liquid (1998)
Huey ft. Bow Wow & T-Pain - Pop, Lock & Drop It remix (2007)
Kaos - Court's In Session (1987)
Gorilla Zoe - Lost (2008)
A$AP Rocky ft. A$AP Twelvy & A$AP Nast - Trilla (2011)
Chingy - Wurrs My Cash (2006)
Begetz ft. Half-A-Mill & AZ - Cold Outside (2007)
Willie Northpole - Body Marked Up (2008)
Lupe Fiasco ft. Stack Bundles - I Keep It Gutter (200?)
Tyga - Rack City (2011)
Stalley - Cup Inside A Cup (2013)
Jason Fox ft. Hood Presidents - Aunt Jackie (2007)
Milano - Rep For The Slums (1999)
Consequence ft. KanYe West - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly (2004)
Kirko Bangz - What Yo Name Iz? (2011)
U God ft. Leather Face - Wildstyle Suppafreak (2003)
Lil' Chris of M.I.C - Same Shit Different Day (2012)
Big Shug - The Jig Is Up (1999)

Wednesday 19 February 2014

Martorial elegance: Use Saint Laurent edition

Well, well, well - if it isn't this year's first remake of a classic that retains the spirit of the original but still sounds like it could have only been made in 2014:

"I didn't know it felt this good just bein' so godamn useless!"

PeeWee LongWay & Quez of Travis Porter - Use Me
(From DJ Lil' Keem's Smoker's Choice mixtape; 2014)

Quick, someone hit up eBay and cop PeeWee LongWay a Nirvana Sliver front cover t-shirt for the video!

Tuesday 18 February 2014

No HA-ing matter

Quick post by ya boy Mess Marvell right chea to point out that Juvenile's new album The Fundamentals isn't very good at all despite the fact that he spent last year killing it on the cameo tip with HBK Gang and Lil' Cali, and dropping great tracks like his Ratchet-cum-Radio tribute LL Cool and potential-club bouncers over Mouse On Tha Track beats like Mind Right and Booty.

All I wanted was a Pepsi, a tagless version of Mind Right and Juve' wouldn't give it to me! In fact, none of the aforementioned great 2013 songs appear on The Fundamentals and there's barely a sniff of the excitement that Juve was clearly having rapping last year present on the album either. This just confirms my worst fear: that Juve' is slowly morphing into the New Orleans correlative of noughties Nas.

The only cut I like enough to spend 89p on is the Mouse-produced Live Wire and that's partially because it's Juve's answer to Jackie Chain's Rollin' and partially because it's the song where Juve's sampled "Martin Luther King, bitch I got a dream/but I don't turn the cheek, I empty out the magazine" hook from Lil' Cali's MLK was presumably taken from?

Juvenile - Live Wire
(From The Fundamentals album; 2014)

Monday 17 February 2014

Martorial elegance: Needle Drop edition

Oi Fantana, put some jam on your shoes and invite your trousers down for tea, m8!

Saturday 15 February 2014

I need a bag of Deep Cuts

Wrote about Fuck That by J. Stalin & Too $hort and Stupendous by Cashy for Deep Cuts on Complex. The former song I love wholeheartedly, the latter song I like a lot but have major reservations about its artist. Fortunately, said reservations were soothed by the fact I could link to two Concentration Camp tracks and yung Birdman & co's O.G smackploitation Bounce anthem I Need A Bag Of Dope in the blurb:

B-32 & DJ Crack Out ft. PxMxWx & Ms. Tee - I Need A Bag Of Dope
(From I Need A Bag Of Dope cassette; 1993)

Just say no to going out like Dash Snow, obviously!

Friday 14 February 2014

Wouldn't Lil' Kim & Lil' Cease make a perfect couple?

"No dis to Lil' Kim, I had a crush on you
So Mason ain't call me, then I wrote Crush On You"

Especially for Jaspar, here's the MP3s of both versions of Crush On You remix along with a brief breakdown of the song's convoluted history: Crush On You was supposed to be a Rap duet between Lil' Kim & Lil' Cease with a hook from Biggie on Kim's debut album Hardcore in 1996, but because Kim was up the duff at the time she couldn't be arsed recording anything else and ended up giving it to Cease as a solo cut on her LP. This was not long after Cam'Ron had been introduced to Biggie by Ma$e, so Biggie suggested to Kim's label boss Lance "Un" Rivera that Cam be drafted in to ghostwrite Cease's verses, for which he was paid the paltry sum of 5 grand.

Lil' Cease ft. Notorious B.I.G - Crush On You
(From Lil' Kim's Hardcore album; 1997)

The Cease version was popular enough to become a single in its own right in early 1997, but everybody was gagging to hear Kim on the song so after a brief maternity leave from rap she finally recorded a couple of verses for the remix which appeared as the B side of the Not Tonight (Ladies Night remix) sometime around summer 1997 but was pushed as a double-A side since it was granted a video and subsequently became the legitimate hit you know and love, while the the original is obviously the best song to bear Cease's name as its lead artist.

Lil' Kim & Lil' Cease ft. Notorious B.I.G - Crush On You remix
(From Not Tonight single; 1997)

Here's a clip of Kim & Cease performing the remix on Vibe Live in 1997. Watch it and be thankful Kim released her best work before the days when every song by a Female Rapper™ is immediately followed by a deluge of feminist 4 hire thinkpieces:

Thursday 13 February 2014

Generic list post: february the 13th

Cupid fired his arrow at Lil' Durk's heart.....180!

Romance is gonna be in the air tomorrow, but why get suckered into paying an arm-and-a-leg to sit elbow-to-elbow with a clusterfuck of other couples in an overcrowded restaurant on Valentines night when you and your beloved can celebrate your relationship in the privacy of your own love nest this very evening with the official Martorialist Febuary 13th generic list?

This carefully considered list of lover's Rap is better than a bouquet of flowers because it won't be dead by sunday, and it's far more romantic than a box of chocolates because you won't end up selfishly gutzing all the strawberry creams yourself. Snuggle up in front of the fire with that special someone in your life and get all amorous to the sound of Akinyele rapping about sucking toes before one of the porn models he was ghostwriting for recounts her conversion to lesbianism.

T.I. - Let Me Tell You Something (2003)
Capone - Capone Bone (1997)
Rated X - Be Cool To Your Girl (1990)
The Diplomats ft. Toya - Hey Ma remix (2003)
Max B - Porno Muzik (2009)
Eric B. & Rakim - Mahogany (1990)
Devin The Dude - Don't Go (2004)
Jungle Brothers - Behind The Bush (1988)
Akinyele ft. Simone - Love My B#*@h (2001)
Lil' Wayne - Receipt (2005)
Future - Astronaut Chick (2012)
Lil' Kim ft. Lil' Cease & Notorious B.I.G - Crush On You remix (1997)
Puff Daddy - Señorita (1997)
Ma$e ft. Total - What You Want (1998)
Rich Homie Quan - Off You (2013)
Rich Kidz - In Da Car (2012)
LL Cool J ft. LeShaun - Doin' It (single version) (1995)
Z-Ro - Hey Lil' Mama (2004)
Mic Terror - For Tonight (2010)

Wednesday 12 February 2014

School me on Skooly

Or rather, school me on Na Na Boo Boo by Skooly. What year was it from and where did it originally appear?

Skooly - Na Na Boo Boo
(From ??????; 20??)

I'm guessing it was from MySpace sometime in late 2009/2010, which would explain why it appears to be such a cult fan favourite judging from its YouTube upload comments, as well as the shoddy sound quality and its lack of a trail on the 'net now. Sucks that such crucial information has been wiped from the internet like the old videos of RiFF RaFF droppin' n-bombs and the picture of Will High with the rocking horse.

PS: that new ZMoney & JNeal song is pretty wonderful. Is this a Guru & Primo type relationship where ZMoney only really sounds good over JNeal beats?

"Will she make it out the trap? Lord knows
Most these bitches in the trap, they born hoes
Foreign clothes, foreign car, condos
I'm a muhfuckin' star, they John Does"

ZMoney - Dope Boy Magic
(From YouTube; 2014)

Monday 10 February 2014

Valspar Venis

"Drip, drip, baby that's the candy paint
Fallin' off the Ferrari I'm blowin danky dank"

From jackin' Papi for his stash to makin' that Jacko from Brush Strokes cash, tha gawd Ruga Rell has only gone and made the transition from doing songs with members of The Lox to being an expert on shades of Dulux. Ladies and gentlemen, Behr witness to Hell Rell's painting & decorating business Ruga's Painting LLC:

Sunday 9 February 2014

What da pockets need

Hate to turn this place into a Mouse On Tha Track fansite but DJ Dow Jones just released the no-DJ version of Mouse's Mr Lump Sum which originally appeared on their What Da Streets Need 7 mixtape and I feel compelled to post it this morning because it was one of my favourite odes to capitalism last year and the song's reappearance has encouraged me to eBay a couple of presents I received this past Christmas that I'll probably never use or wear. **Juelz voice** THIS IS INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC!! **Juelz voice**

"What you tryna hold for, what you tryna spend, though?
I'm crankin' up them coins, I'm goin' Nintendo"

Mouse On Tha Track - Mr Lump Sum (no-DJ)
(From the internet; 2014)

Which has reminded me that I also have the tagless version of another cool song that originally appeared as an exclusive on What Da Streets Need 7--Lil' Pooh & Mouse's Ask About Me; a typical Mouse club-slumpah where Lil' Pooh once again sounds more comfortable with his Baton Rogue buddies than he does with his fellow native Texan rappers:

"I beat the pussy up, I'm a fool in it
Club turnt to the max, you know that Pooh in it!"

Lil' Pooh ft. Mouse On Tha Track - Ask About Me
(From Lil' Pooh's Workaholic 2 album; 2013)

Which has also reminded me that What Da Streets Need 7 was the mixtape where Shy Glizzy & Migos' Wassaname debuted. Doesn't matter if we're talking that version or the new remix with Lil' Bibby replacing Migos, that sneaky bastard Shy Glizzy still completely jacked the song's concept from a 2012 Grip Plyaz track and then failed to execute it as well as Grip did:

"You remember shawdy? Coke bottle frame
Ass off the chain, you know... wasaname"

Grip Plyaz - Wasaname
(From Purp, Wind & Fire album; 2012)

More like Sly Glizzy amirite?

Thursday 6 February 2014

You writin' about Choppa's suit & pretendin' to like Lil' Boosie, you got no swag, blogga, you hella boosy

Posted Mouse On Tha Track's Been A G Thang on here over the weekend, and I wrote about it more thoroughly for Deep Cuts on Complex yesterday. Mouse's manager was also kind enough to hook me up with the MP3 to post here:

Mouse On Tha Track - Been A G Thang
(From the internet; 2014)

Unrelated note: now Party has officially become Rich Homie Quan's new single, does that mean we can finally get a properly mastered MP3 of it? Where's RHQ's manager at?

Wednesday 5 February 2014

R.I.P Matt Doo

Via an infamous Bad Boy stan, here's a Craig Mack teaser tape featuring artwork by Matt Doo/Dooable Arts who was responsible for the covers of Stress: The Extinction Agenda and the wack-arse Company Flow album. Sadly, Matt killed himself in 1998, probably because a piece of his amazing artwork got used on an album with El-P rapping on it.

Puffy needn't have bothered releasing Craig Mack's album officially, because the only good songs from it were on here. Truth be told, I've always thought Mack was a good singles artist, from his debut as as MC EZ in 1988 with the Just Rhymin'/Get Retarded 12" to the Bad Boy classics (O.G version of Get Down > overrated Q-Tip remix) to Jockin' My Style from his otherwise atrocious 2nd album to his very early noughties indie 12" Brand New N*gga.

Tuesday 4 February 2014

DB cut

Wrote about DB Tha General's weird and wonderful Savage for Deep Cuts on Complex, so here's the MP3 in case anyone needs it. FYI, Savage is tied with Cam'Ron & Sen City's Instagram for the most novel appearance of flies in a recent Rap song:

"East Oakland, land of the homicide
You don't wanna go there, nah, I don't tell lies
I'm the shit that's why you see all these flies
And don't get it twisted you fuckin' with family ties"

DB Tha General - Savage
(From the internet; 2013/Motel6 album; 2014)

Quick plea: any of you northern Californians fancy picking me up a copy of DB's Welcome To The Navy album on CD if you come across it when you're out and about? Will pay a finder's fee as well as the cost of the CD and all P+P to the U.K.

Monday 3 February 2014

Generic list post: don't dump Koch edition

"These rappers finally get some fame and think they got it locked
After your album flops, n*gga, you gawna be on Koch"

(Poor Lil' Flip. Fate really came back to bite him in the arse with that line, huh?)

Are you ready for an in-depth critical reevaluation of Koch Records yet? Nope, me neither, but if you can put your snarkiness aside for the next 20 minutes, I'll prove that Koch was a pretty great singles label in the days when singles were still physical products you could hold in your hand, and that all of our worlds would've been a considerably poorer place last decade if it weren't for the singles and deep cuts on the glut of Rap albums Koch released, not to mention the industry anecdotes about Bob Perry's shiestiness, and the hilarious altercation between Cam'Ron & 50 Cent on Hot 97 which centred around whether Koch was a graveyard for fading artists or not and if 50 could shut down Diplomats releases on the label.

Word to the Canadian Wall Street Journal! But don't take my word for it, here's a generic list of 21 great songs that were released with the Koch Records stamp on them, which I suggest we all burn onto CR-Rs or turn into some type of playlist before the night is out:

M.O.P - Instigator (2005)
Unk - Walk It Out (2006)
B-Legit ft. Too $hort - So International (2002)
AZ - Live Wire (2004)
Cormega ft. Ghostface - Tony/Montana (2004)
Soulja Slim - Souljas On My Feet (2003)
B.G. - I Want It (2004)
The Diplomats - Crunk Muzik (2004)
Jim Jones ft. Max B - G's Up (2005)
JR Writer - Grill 'Em (2006)
Cam'Ron - Suga Duga (2007)
Byrd Gang - Anniversary (2007)
Haystak - Reckon (2000)
Akinyele - Problems (2001)
Suga Free - Don't Fight The Pimpin' (2003)
Grand Puba - Issues Pete Rock remix (2002)
Slim Thug ft. UGK - Leanin' (2009)
Tha Dogg Pound & Snoop - Cali Iz Activ (2006)
Onyx ft. Havoc - Hold Up (2002)
Prodigy of Mobb Deep - Return Of The Mac (2006)
Big Noyd - Heartless (2008)

Sunday 2 February 2014

Farewell to a legend

R.I.P to Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Loved the time Busta Rhymes rapped over the theme tune of that TV show you were in with the talking car.

Saturday 1 February 2014

The only sweet talkin' that I do's about cake

Barely there like Mannie Fresh eyebrows Webbie's eyeballs, Mouse goes minimal. Call him La Monte Youngbloodz:

Mouse On Tha Track - Been A G Thang
(From the internet; 2014)

Between Get It Back, Bye Bitch, Don't Make 'Em Like Me, Mr Lump Sum, Off The Chain and this song, Mouse's next full length is shaping up very nicely indeed.