Sunday 30 November 2008

Martorial elegance # 4

There are certain areas of Liverpool where a trend for Scouse schoolgirls to go out in gangs all dressed identikit in their pyjamas with Footlocker bought sportswear and girly flat shoes which has, apparently, prevailed for something close to a decade now. It's a self-contained trend which has remained entombed in the bowels of Merseyside. Until now.

And so it seems this trend has hit the Lache in C-Town but, naturally, the Lache has got its own twist on the original look. The pyjama pants are intact but the flats have been replaced with well-worn Reebok classics and the Footlocker sportswear has been substituted for an oversized skootcoat, which looks like the type of generic sports coat managers in league two are usually seen in, with some stupid patch on the back.

It's also interesting to note that while it's only teenage girls who sport this look on Merseyside, here in C-Town the trend has been adapted by rough old 40-something Ricky Hatton resembling Lache trogladyte birds who, according to Killa B who provided the photo, don't take kindly to the Chinese chaps working at the chippy not being able to understand them and their desire for their chip batch to be smothered with fatty butter substitutes.

Run, run, run from the ghetto bird..

Friday 28 November 2008

I can feel a cumulus in the air tonight

Oh lord.

I think Diane the weather presenter from BBC North West Tonight might be the perfect woman : she wears really slutty stiletto heels, she can tell you if it's gonna rain the next day so you can plan your outfit accordingly and she's like a real life version of Janice from The Muppets who, along with Daisy Duke, prematurely caused my pre-teen nuts to rumble as a young'n.

She said she'd want my kids and help me make my next G'
tell me i ain't finesse, Diane Oxberry

Sunday 23 November 2008

Leaving Barry-Babylon.

Judging from recent pix of Nigo it seems that kecks which are too short revealing a good inch or two of leg/sock between your shoe and hem are now officially in vogue but my real gear-godz can spot a fashion-hack a mile off because The Martorialist keeps on makin' it, Blacon keeps on takin' it, Barry Davies created it and Japan keeps on fakin' it.

It's a look which has passed through the 60's with sharp-suited Mods to the 70's with Simon Cowell trousered trainspotter spods but it wasn't until the late 80's that this fashion-phenomenom received an actual official name : The Barry/Barry Pants (also see : Barry Kecks, Barries, Barried-up), with the term deriving from Barry Davies' not-quite-long-enough school pantaloons he wore to Blacon High throughout the duration of 1987 to 1992. So legendary were Barry's low-length leg covering garments they even had their own theme tune - Barry Trousers, sung to the tune of Baggy Trousers by Madness.

Fall back, Nigo. You can encase your lil' Jap legs in the finest selvedge the world has to offer and then hem and cuff them into position but you'll never have the natural effortless style and swagger that my man Barry Davies had. So fresh, so clean - y'nahmean?

Friday 21 November 2008

We're the Harlem World crew and we're doing the do just for you...

Thought i was the freshest kid when I dropped a Dr Jeckyll & Mr Hyde (the original Ted Dibia$e and Gordon Gecko of the rap game) appreciation on Fat Lace a few months back until my man Super-Brad took a look at it and asked me why I hadn't spread any love in the direction of Doing The Do?

Dr Jeckyll & Mr Hyde - Doing The Do

Can't front - I hadn't even heard of it before but since it's a long out-of-print obscure b. side that's not even mentioned in the Ego Trip singles lists which is occasionally billed as being by the Harlem World Crew as opposed Jeckyll & Hyde then I don't feel like such a newjack for not knowin' it.

It's always good to come up on some old jam you never knew existed before and find yourself thinking that you've been living your life in false-happiness without it 'cause it's that good. Dare I say this might be even better than Gettin' Money or Fast Life and, thus, their best tune? You damn right.

Thursday 20 November 2008

Martorial elegance # 3

It's a time honoured man-tradition that at some point in life you have to borrow a suit off your dad because you don't have one. Gok Wan Eardley, pictured below, recently found himself in this situation and i'm pleased to report that the 4 elements of dad's-suit-syndrome are in full motherfucking effect :

1. Charcoal grey
2. Pinstripes
3. Slightly oversized Jacket with one arm longer than the other
4. Pants which are very slightly Barried-Up

Here's to the Eardmesiter for reppin' so correctly on all four fronts.

N**ga, you James Bond!


Martorial elegance rating : 006 and 3 quarters.

Monday 10 November 2008

Shorty, lemme tell you about my only vice..'s got to with lots of money and it ain't nuthin' nice.

One of my favourite blogs is I Don't Care If You Wouldn't, I Would, which you can find in the links to the right. It's modus operandi is to pay tribute to less conventionally attractive women who are still sexy as fuck. Even if you don't agree with their particular choices you'll still find yourself nodding along in agreement, so compelling is their reasoning.

Catching the end of Are You An Egghead? before, i couldn't help but think that Judith AKA Judith Keppel AKA the posh old bird winner of Who Wants To A Millionaire? who's now a member of the Eggheads quiz team is deserving of a post on there. More of a Great.Aunt.You'd.Like.To.Fuck than a M.I.L.F but there's something about a well spoken, slightly snooty, well-to-do older lady with an expression perennially set between quizical and wry that stirs my loins.

She used to be a frumpy middle aged hag with a Barry Venison perm but a million quid and 8 years later and she's now a sex-siren of late afternoon/early evening tv. A middle-aged millionairess BBC quiz version of Medusa with perfect diction capable of turning men's dicks to stone.