Friday, 3 July 2020

Martorial Elegance: Lidl Wayne

Finally the U.K has a true heir to Kwik Save's Medina brand trainers with Lidl's foray into the budget supermarket shoe market. Forget uncle Charles, I wish Gary Warnett was here to pontificate about these shits:


Tbf, on a purely aesthetic level these things are no worse than any of those Yeezy clodhoppers. Here at The Martorialist we'll wear a Mac Dre cap or a Max B t-shirt, but we'll be damned if we ever walk around in KanYe Pest's equivalent of the dreaded Master P sneaker.

Monday, 29 June 2020

Generic list post: June 2020

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when someone finally solved the mystery of MF DOOM's Arrow Root sample. Now someone needs to solve the mystery of why DOOM decided to waste such a glorious beat on Scienz Of Life.

Smiley Culture - Roots Reality (1985)
Max B - Didn't Mean To Kill A Man (2020)
Ruste Juxx - Still Paper Thin (2020)
Heavy Steppers - Whateva (2020)
Trap Beckham ft. Flo Milli - Back It Up (2020)
Flo Milli - Like That Bitch (2020)
YG - FTP (2020)
79rs Gang - Shot That Signal (2020)
Jenevieve - Baby Powder (2020)
SAULT - Wildfires (2020)
Archers Of Loaf - Talking Over Talk (2020)

Other notables: totally slept on Cavalier's Go Brooklyn until it belatedly got blessed with a video; Eatem & Female Rapper's Bing Bing Bam is a better Whoop Sum sequel than the Whoop Sum remix; two new entries in the Boyz-n-the-Hoodcore canon this month with Boosie's Dope Muzik and Megan Thee Stallion's Girls In The Hood; Zaybang's New Rem is cool but really needed a hook; other than the new episodes of What We Do In The Shadows, the best TV show of June was DJ Quik's episode of Unsung.

Further listing: the best songs of 2020 so far imho.

Further listening: my Top Shelf 8/8/88 sequel compilation.

PS: R.I.P Young Curt. I hope Heaven got a function where No Bitch gets slapped as much as D-Lo's No Hoe.

Friday, 26 June 2020

Charly XCX

"This life I live is pricey, man
Mama ain't give me dollars for the icey-man"


Max B - Didn't Mean To Kill A Man
(From Charly EP; 2020)



Bah bah dah dah dah. Bring out the piano from the Purple City ByrdGang video for this one. The World Boss Vybz Kartel and the Boss Don Max B are the only people in the history of music who can record pristine classic shit in a prison cell.

Previously: To The Max (no Stezo).

Thursday, 25 June 2020

Reasons why I love YouTube part whatever

Because the recent DJ Quik episode of Unsung is on there! Job's a good 'un, though the show occasionally favours The Drama™ over The Music™ to its detriment - Quik's work with Suga Free deserved more screentime, as did Quik's triumphant return on the album with Kurupt. Oh well, feels churlish to complain about a TV which includes a segment detailing the recording of the Penthouse Players Clique LP dunnit?

Tuesday, 23 June 2020

Trap Goin' (Beck)Ham

Trap Beckham ft. Flo Milli - Back It Up
(From the internet; 2020)



It's a game of two halves, Clive. They just don't make booty anthems like this anymore: songs that sound like the past, present and future at the SAME DAMN TIME! Back of the net, my son & shawty.

Who'd have ever thunk there'd be a Rapper called Trap Beckham tho? You'll never win anything with kidz unless you've got a different class of '92: Crunk Giggs, Atlanta Bass Scholes, Snap Butt, and the Futuristic Swag Neville Brothers.

Bonus beats: Flo Milli's new single is hardbody. Not so much death by stereo as death by stiletto.

Flo Milli - Like That Bitch
(From the internet; 2020)



"Big talk, small legs - bitch built like a wine glass!"

Monday, 22 June 2020

Bounce (For The Juracán) Part 2

79rs Gang - Shot That Signal
(From Expect The Unexpected album; 2020)



Some more spiritual miracle Mardi Gras Bounce by the Sitting Chiefs of Injun raindance Lil' Slim-core 79rs Gang. Shout outs to all the fallen New Orleans souljas whose souls are still dancing!

Thursday, 18 June 2020

The best songs of 2020 so far imho

Arm, leg, egg, arm, head.



Everyday feel like it's an off day with Ferris Bueller, but everything ain't going according to plan, man. Six months deep into this annus bizarriblis, here's a generic list of my favourite 25 songs of 2020 (+ very late 2019) thus far. Music is a great escape from life's bullshit, so twist those shoulders like a Muppet to these:

Duke Deuce - Bad News
Max B - Phenomenon
Eatem - Spent It All
Flo Milli - Not Friendly
Mozzy - Big Homie From The Hood
Mic Terror - Head In The Morning
79rs Gang - 79rs Bout To Blow
Yhung T.O - You Know
NHale - Dealin' Wit A Hoe
Boldy James & The Alchemist - Speed Demon Freestyle
Rio Da Yung OG - Take A Day
Nefew - Blockaholic
Dee-1 - Corona Clap
GetEmTree - Opp Watching
Nef The Pharaoh - ABC
Heavy Steppers - Whateva
Ether Da Connect ft. Mr. Swipey & Waka Flocka Flame - WAKA (Remix)
Sada Baby - Slide
Quelle Chris & Chris Keys - Sudden Death
J Hus ft. Burna Boy - Play Play
Jenevieve - Baby Powder
Usher ft. Ella Mai - Don't Waste My Time
The Chats - Pub Feed
Archers Of Loaf - Rayleigh Days
Juiceboxxx - Drive Around

Wednesday, 17 June 2020

It's so rowdy in the Rouge part 3

"This gon' be the first song a bitch whoop your ass on"

Eatem ft. Female Rapper - Bing Bing Bam
(From YouTube; 2020)



Three points here: this is a better Whoop Sum sequel than the actual Whoop Sum remix; nobody can ever say "there's no such thing as a female rapper" again now; and the influence of Skeme's ski goggles in Style Wars endures 4eva.

Monday, 15 June 2020

Don't dry for me, Angelina

Jenevieve - Baby Powder
(From YouTube; 2020)



If, like me, you've been waiting for someone to make an R&B song outta Anri's 80s Japanese dream-pop classic Last Summer Whisper then Jenevieve's Baby Powder is the jam 4 U. Song is so sultry it can even survive the deeply unerotic baby powder metaphor. Word around town, Jenevieve is gonna drop a sequel to this song. It's title? Jennifer Canesten.

Thursday, 11 June 2020

Born To Audiomack: Top Shelf 8/8/88 Part 2

Obviously there's no such thing as a sequel to Top Shelf 8/8/88, but there could be if I made a playlist comprised of 15 songs from 2007 onwards possessed by the Golden-Era spirit. Stuck to East Coast artists because expanding the regional parameters would be too much food for thought tbh. Let's party like it's 1987 to 1992!!!

The Martorialist presents Top Shelf 8/8/88 Part 2
DJ Jazzy Jeff & Peedi Crakk - Brand New Funk 2k7 (2007)
AZ - Doin' That (Memphis Sessions mix) (2007)
Max B - De La Soul (2007)
Azie of MobStyle - The 80's (2008)
Prodigy - Raining Guns And Shanks (2008)
De La Soul - Excursions '09 (2009)
Grand Puba ft. Q-Tip - Good To Go (2009)
N.O.R.E ft. Flava Flav - Nutcracker (2010)
The Bounce Squad ft. Black Rob - Live At The State Building (2011)
Kurious Jorge - Best In The World (2014)
MF DOOM & Madlib - Avalanche (2016)
Edan - Real Bad Promo (2018)
Slick Rick - Midas Touch (2019)
Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Still Not Havin' It (2019)
A-Mafia - Wunn (2019)



Busta's Don't Touch Me (Throw Da Water On 'Em) was a no brainer for inclusion but Audiomack removed it automatically on upload. The Man™ tryna ruin my crazy visionz or wot?

(Loadsa folks argue that the Golden-Era ended in 1991 but I disagree. It ended in 1992 with the break-ups of Eric B. & Rakim and EPMD; the rises of Redman, Nas, Wu-Tang and Black Moon; and the release of The Chronic.)

Monday, 8 June 2020

Born To Audiomack: Top Shelf 8/8/88 (O.G version)

The good news: browsing the 'net before and I noticed that Top Shelf 8/8/88 is now available on all digital retail/streaming platforms. The bad news: the entire compilation has been remixed with new beats which sound like they belong on a DJ Format album. Here at The Martorialist we do not approve of such tinkering with history, so here's the original 2007 version for your streamable pleasure. The songs by Black Sheep, Biz Markie, MC Lyte, Grand Puba, Smooth B, Special Ed, Melle Mel & Grandmaster Caz and Master Ace are all legit choons, with Ace's song being more bittersweet than ever right now.

Various - Top Shelf 8/8/88 (O.G 2007 version)
1. Fab 5 Freddy - Intro
2. Black Sheep - I'm The One
3. Big Daddy Kane - Like That Y'all
4. Biz Markie - My Name Is
5. MC Lyte - Listen Up
6. Grand Puba - Let's Go
7. Smooth B - I Want My Money Back
8. Craig G - Catch A Lyrical Beatdown
9. Chubb Rock - Chubb Rocks The Party
10. Special Ed - This Mic
11. Doug E. Fresh - It Ain't Nothin'
12. Jungle Brothers - Back In The Jungle
13. Just Ice - I Run The Streets
14. Melle Mel & Grandmaster Caz - The Battle Is On
15. Master Ace - Revolution's 'Bout To Start

Thursday, 4 June 2020

Whateva Men

"We be gettin' groovy or whateva
WE LIKE MAKIN' MOVIES
Get another one 'cause two can could do it better
COME GET THIS TWO-PIECE"


Heavy Steppers - Whateva
(From the internet; 2020)



Whateva's USP: the Drill duo behind Heavy Steppers doing a BlocBoy JB song (sorta.) Far prefer this one to Heavy Steppers meself, TBH. Talk about video hoes that'll take your breath away, though. Time to get laid, blow up like the World Trade if they copped their dolls from Trotter's Independent Traders.

Same clique bonus beats: Grandmaster Spazz.

Tuesday, 2 June 2020

Nobody's smilin'

Smiley Culture - Police Officer
(From Police Officer single; 1984)



Probably a good day to point out that the U.K is still waiting for a proper investigation into Smiley Culture's supposed "suicide" during a raid on his house by the plod. In Police Officer Smiley got let off during a stop & search because the copper’s kids & mum were fans of his. Alas, he didn’t get so lucky with the coppers who stabbed him in his own home (allegedly!)

How many coppers does it take to throw a prisoner down the stairs? None, the prisoner accidentally fell.

Sunday, 31 May 2020

Generic list post: May 2020

Ice-T - Street Killer
(From O.G. Original Gangster album/VHS tape; 1991)



Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when coppers were still as hazardous to black people as Covid-19. Fuck the plod and anyone who love 'em. R.I.P George "Big Floyd" Floyd.

Flo Milli - Not Friendly (2020)
Flo Milli - My Attitude (2020)
Max B - Goodman (2020)
Toon ft. LeBron - Another One (2020)
Mozzy - Boyz To Men (2020)
E-40 ft. Suga Free - 19 Dolla Lap Dance (2020)
GetEmTree - Opp Watching (2020)
The Chats - Pub Feed (2020)
The Chats - The Clap (2020)

Other notables: U.K Drill is such a joke of a sub-genre it makes sense that the comedy Grime granddads would sound better doing it than yer average London lad.

Friday, 29 May 2020

Birds can do Baton Rouge Brawl Music™ too

"I just got a call from my dawg, he comin' home
I just dropped some fondue on his books and on the phone
F*ck 12, free my n*gga right or wrong
Bitch, 'cause all I speak is facts in every song"


GetEmTree - Opp Watching
(From YouTube; 2020)



When Webbie made Gutta Bitch it's highly likely that his muse was a relative of GetEmTree. Been keepin' an eye on this lass since Like A Bitch caught my ear last month, and her new single here is even better. Savage Life ain't dead, it just no longer has a dick between its legs.

Wednesday, 27 May 2020

You can't spell LEEDS without LSD and two E's

LFO - Groovy Distortion
(From Frequencies album; 1991)



You can stick your Kid Cudi Clockers remixes, Groovy Distortion was the REAL fidget-House. If this track ever got play at early 1990s raves its jittery bleeps & bloops musta turned dancefloors into Madness videos. Best song from Frequencies which was never a single, and the song which best defines 1991 because it could potentially soundtrack a Leeds warehouse rave and an episode of Round The Twist at the SAME DAMN TIME.

It's a pity Pete Waterman and Michaela Strachan didn't take The Hitman and Her to a Leeds rave in 1990/1991 for a cross-Pennines counterpart to the 1989 episode where they visited Manchester's Hacienda innit? One of LFO's singles from Frequencies deserved to be captured on film in its natural habitat like A Guy Called Gerald's Voodoo Ray was on the Hacienda episode. It's the Wide Awake Club, Michaela, but not as you know it:


Wikipedia sez:
Pete Waterman said that the idea for The Hitman and Her came to him when he turned on the TV late one night and the only TV station still on-air featured Elvis Costello talking about Irish politics.

EL-OH-EL!

Monday, 25 May 2020

To The Max (no Stezo)



She asked how come I'm makin' two song playlists, I said everything's fine but I'm still in a 12" single state of mind. So, that new Max B & Dame Grease Goodman song with the same Them Two sample as Grip Plyaz F*ck Dat Hipster Shit makes a good B-side to Phenomenon, huh? Dame Grease productions only 4 Wavy WMX!

Thursday, 21 May 2020

Turn On, Toon In, Slap Out

"100 blues, all bluefaces
Big dog beat big cases
Lil' n*gga tie your shoe laces
Bad bitch, don't do basics"


Toon ft. LeBron - Another One
(From YouTube; 2020)



Not to be confused with Toon from NOLA. Toon? More like Choon in the case of this song amirite. File this one under 'the Seattle Slap Muzik version of Chamillionaire & Paul Wall.'


Is 2020 the year that regional mainey whiteboy rappers make a comeback? Some of you never listened to T-Bo & Mike Da Hustla and it shows.

Tuesday, 19 May 2020

Generic list post: short song's in the house


EttelThun just dropped a list of 33 legit jams which are short like Curren$y's legs, and it's such a good concept that I'm blatantly biting it for 33 of my own favorites. Rules of this particular parlour game: no songs from Etto's list, no songs longer than 2:30, no beatjacks, no acapellas, no instrumentals/scratch-tracks, no Soundcloud troglodyte fraggle rappers, and no boring Faux Marciano Griselda dullard rappers.

Run-D.M.C - Son Of Byford (1986)
Lakim Shabazz - All True And Living (1988)
De La Soul - What's More? (1989)
Gang Starr - Here Today, Gone Tomorrow (1990)
Ice-T - Fried Chicken (1991)
Ice Cube - A Bird In The Hand (1991)
Mac Mall - Soak Sum Dope (1993)
Snoop Dogg ft. Lady Of Rage - G-Funk (Intro) (1993)
Scarface - No Tears (1994)
Notorious B.I.G - B.I.G (Interlude) (1997)
Mac Dre - My Folks (1997/2005)
Young Bleed - An Offer U Can't Refuse (1998)
Method Man & Redman - Da Rockwilder (1999)
MF DOOM - Dead Bent (LP version) (1999)
AZ - Platinum Bars (2000)
Ghostface Killah - Saturday Nite (2000)
Agallah - Adolf "8-Off" Agallah (Interlude) (2000)
Edan ft. Skillz Ferguson - Adrenaline Rush (2001)
The Clipse ft. Fam-Lay - FamLay Freestyle (2002)
T.I. - Long Live Da Game (2003)
Sean Price - Brokest Rapper You Know (2005)
Dres of Black Sheep - I'm The One (2007)
Uncle Murda - Anybody Can Get It (2008)
Grand Puba ft. Q-Tip - Good To Go (2009)
A-Mafia - Wayne Perry (2011)
$hamrock & Jackie Chain - Pacman (2012)
TREE - Probably Nu It (2014)
Valee - Seen Her Before (2016)
Queen Key - My Way (2017)
Tay-K - The Race (2017)
Rico Nasty - Smack A Bitch (2018)
70th Street Carlos - Sprite (2018)
BlocBoy JB - Mercedes (2019)

Friday, 15 May 2020

Puffy Dee Flow

"Because my attitude so nasty, I act just like my pappy
A lotta n*ggas want a piece of me like I'm some candy"


Flo Milli - My Attitude
(From YouTube; 2020)




I'm a child of 80s Beastie Boys so I'll always appreciate Brat-Rap in all its guises. What I'd also appreciate is a Flo Milli CD maxi-single with Not Friendly, Beef FloMix, and My Attitude on it.

PS: Not Friendly is the 'ardest song out right now.

Tuesday, 12 May 2020

Alright, Dave?

"I'm insightful, recognising life is a cycle
Like I recognise when girls fight titties pop out, ya catch an eyeful"


Rodney P - Big Tings We Inna
(From Big Tings We Inna 12" single; 2001)



Rodney P was best when he made music which was more Reggae-Rap than Rap-Reggae. If Smiley Culture travelled forward in time to go bish bash bosh in the Bashment then Big Tings We Inna woulda been the result. Near perfect Windrush Generation song but for the "old dog readin' the Playboy in the bible" line - this is Paul Raymond's manor not Hugh Hefner's turf, you plonker!

Saturday, 9 May 2020

Peace Dr. Jeckyll - haha, see ya later!


Pour out a little Champagne for the Gordon Gekko of Rap/Berry Gordy of Rap & Bullshit Andre "Dr. Jeckyll" Harrell. The rapping era of Harrell's career usually gets brushed aside as a mere footnote to his A&R powermoves, but Jeckyll & Hyde were one of the best groups of the early 80s. They talked shit to Vanity 6 on The Challenge; they got the best beat of Pumpkin's tenure with Profile Records on Gettin' Money; they were ideal foils for Davy DMX (ghost)production on Fast Life and Yellow Panties; and they recorded the most underrated song of Rap's Disco-Band era with Doing The Do. Most of yer self-styled Hip Hop historians will never admit it, but Harlem bodied the Bronx on wax from 1979 to 1982 and this song is one of the key examples of Uptown's superiority:

Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde - Doing The Do
(From Jeckyll & Hyde Dance/Doing The Do 12" single; 1982)


Thursday, 7 May 2020

Steel drums alert!

"Girls be actin', I can tell that you're pretendin'
These hoes really jealous, that's the reason I'm not friendly
I hear these haters talkin' shit, it really don't offend me
'Cause in a crowd full of pussies I see that you blend in"


Flo Milli - Not Friendly
(From YouTube; 2020)



This latest single by the In The Party lass is very much my shit right now. Imagine a mainier sassier Gucci Gucci with steel drums and you've got Not Friendly in a nutshell.

Wednesday, 6 May 2020

If we sacrifice Berlin's Techno scene to a volcano can we get Florian Schneider back?

Never forget Bun B's Man-Machine print cycling shirt from GLC's Take It Off video!


Pop, lock, and drop it for das funky kraut Florian Schneider. As a member of Kraftwerk old Florian accidentally birthed Techno, but let's not hold that against him because he also accidentally birthed Electro, Chicago House, and a buncha great Rap songs from artists as diverse as The Fearless Four, Agallah, Egyptian Lover, J.J. Fad, R.A The Rugged Man, 95 South, and that nonce Afrika Bambaataa. His most impressive feat, however, was making Coldplay sorta listenable and for that he is a true G.O.A.T Gerry. Rest in peace Flo' Autobahn Rida - I hope Heaven got a buncha Kraftwerk groupies who look like Helga from 'Allo 'Allo.

Tuesday, 5 May 2020

Remember pubs from ages ago?

Public Enemy - Can't Do Nuttin' For Ya, Man
(From Fear Of A Black Planet album; 1990)



That feeling when you're a Rap Guy™ but Rap isn't fulfilling your current existential needs. It's precisely 2 months tonight since I last went the pub and my heart yearns for the booze, the burgers, the banter, and even the bookie with the dodgy racing tips. Rappers can't do nuttin' for ya man Marty on this issue, so I've gotta turn to Aussie Punkers for some audio aloe vera. Never mind The Orange Organics, here's The Bogan Moronics:

The Chats - Pub Feed
(From High Risk Behaviour album; 2020)



Oi ginger singer from The Chats - are you Marmaloid in disguise?

Bonus bogans: Toto, I have a feeling we're not on Ramsey Street anymore.

Sunday, 3 May 2020

Very Special

Crooklyn was a gift and a curse for Special Ed: an instant-classic posse cut which rescued Ed from the Rap wilderness, it then inspired him to rhyme over a buncha lumpen mid-tempo beats for his mediocre comeback LP Revelations. Luckily Profile Records stepped in to spare Ed's blushes by hiring DJ Premier to rework Freaky Flow into a track which va-va-voomed like 74 Honda scooters. Billed as a remix, it's more like a sequel since the only thing it shares with the original is the hook. If I Got It Made is the highest title numero uno of Special Ed songs then the Freaky Flow remix is fighting it out with Taxing for numero dos position.

Special Ed - Freaky Flow (DJ Premier remix)
(From Freaky Flow (DJ Premier remix) 12" single; 1996)


Thursday, 30 April 2020

Generic list post: April 2020

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when livestreamed Darts was far more entertaining than livestreamed beat battles. 2 blokes struggling with IG live settings as they shout at each other and awkwardly play snippets of songs? No fa me.

NHale - Dealin' Wit A Hoe (2020)
Nefew - Blockaholic (2020)
FMB DZ ft. Rio Da Yung OG - High Speed (2020)
Quelle Chris & Chris Keys - Sudden Death (2020)
Usher ft. Ella Mai - Don't Waste My Time (2020)
The Flys - Love And A Molotov Cocktail (1977)
Juiceboxxx - Drive Around (2020)

Other notables: the WAKA remix with Waka being decent was a pleasant surprise; Young Dro just can't help himself by ruining an otherwise good song with an embarrassing chorus; props to Pink Chardonnay for finding a Faux Marciano song with chutzpah; best random song my YouTube algorithm threw up was GetEmTree's Like A Bitch.

Awwww man - peace, Connecticut to Stezo AKA the rapper who put the C.T into Canadian Tuxedo. To The Max is my own personal Running Man anthem, and Girl Trouble is the O.G Know The Ledge as far set-up songs go. I hope Heaven got a endless supply of Mickey Mouse sweatshirts for the original Danca Ternt Rappa.

Tuesday, 28 April 2020

Ridin' in my Fiat listenin' to Tearz

"I wanna drive around my hometown, I wanna listen to Wu-Tang
Oh my life is feelin' so down, I'm always loopin' on the same thing"


Juiceboxxx - Drive Around
(From It's Easy To Feel Like A Nobody When You're Living In The City album; 2020)



What I dig about these recent Juiceboxxx singles like Drive Around and Coinstar Song is that they're the sort of modern Rock anthems I wanna hear on KerrangTV next to classix like The Breeders' Cannonball and Wheatus' Teenage Dirtbag. Kung-Flu quarantine has downgraded hometowns into homes for the Drive Around video, but the song's essence is more pertinent than ever: it ain't where you're from or where you're at, it's where your head is at. Keep it above the clouds like Guru & Deck.

That reminds me, I was watching KerrangTV a couple of weeks back and caught recent videos by Sum 41 and Papa Roach. Once polar opposites of early noughties MTV Rock (Pop-Punk japes versus Nu-Metal earnestness), both bands are now indistinguishable on the sound and image tip. Times is hard on the Rock boulevard when your only way to age disgracefully is to rebrand as #Woke Velvet Revolver.

Saturday, 25 April 2020

Too Many Men

One of my big pet peeves about Rap right now is the need for superfluous guests. Thus, of course the best songs on Quelle Chris new album feature people doing Chris' one job (or Chris doing someone else's job in the case of Sudden Death.) Wonders do happen when Jean Grae's significant other is home alone with his microphone, but he seems hellbent on becoming the Ampichino of sardonic eccentric-Rap: a needy bastard with a near-pathological aversion to go for self on his own songs. If only it were possible to enforce social-distancing on Rap albums, mixtapes, and EP's - no more than 2 guests per project, imho.

Thursday, 23 April 2020

Rappa Ternt Weed Farma

Calvin Harris - Acceptable In The 80's
(From I Created Disco album; 2007)



Here at The Martorialist it pains us greatly that Jackie Chain went from rapping to farming without getting around to jackin' some noughties British pop-dance anthems. In fact, it's still Jackie-san's destiny to jack Calvin Harris' Acceptable In The 80's and transform it into an ode to Huntsville hedonism. No crazy visionz are even necessary because that shit practically writes itself:

"I got drugs for you if you were born in the 80's
I got Buds for you if you were born in the 80's
I got pills for you if you were born in the 80's
I'll throw bills for you if you were born in the 80's"

Saturday, 18 April 2020

The BIG 4-0




So, my favourite Rap 12" of all time celebrates its 40th birthday at some point during this year. A truly great record which stands as thee best example of early Rap on wax, it's also a hugely important record since echoes and ricochets of both songs can be heard in everything from T La Rock to Too $hort. Me, I wanna read an oral history of the 12" from everyone involved still alive (R.I.P Pumpkin and Bobby Robinson) and some of the A-list Rap personalities who bear the traces of its influence like LL Cool J, Slick Rick, Pos & Dove from De La, Kid Capri, and Will Smith & DJ Jazzy Jeff. One caveat, though: the article must NOT be written by that insufferable narcissist Questlove.

Monday, 13 April 2020

Insert Herpes joke here ~~>

Usher ft. Ella Mai - Don't Waste My Time
(From YouTube; 2020)



I don't know too much about R&B but I know what I like and this is the first Usher song I've been all over like a Primark suit since Good Kisser. GTFOH with that stupid interlude halfway through the song, though. Just because we all have more time on our hands right now does not mean we wanna spend said time watching Usher and Jamie Kennedy's attempts at comedy.

Friday, 10 April 2020

The Macgic Number


Mac Dre - Young Black Brotha
(From Young Black Brotha EP; 1989)



Mac Dre - Livin' A Mac's Name
(From Young Black Brotha EP; 1989)



Whenever folks discuss Rap's greatest EP's, Mac Dre's 1989 to 1992 trifecta of Extended Plays always get slept on like they're made from memory foam. Lord knows why because all three EP's are sicker than SARS, Dre with Khayree behind the boards was one of Rap's best Rapper/producer combinations, and their debut extendo Young Black Brotha is the de facto best Rap EP of the 80s with all slaps and no skips. F*ck the world and anyone who underrates Furl, history has got shit twisted like a Jheri curl.

Mac Dre - Too Hard For The F*ckin' Radio
(From Young Black Brotha EP; 1989)



Mac Dre - Mac Dre's The Name
(From Young Black Brotha EP; 1989)



Kitted when you see me: Kilo Curt & Dre's people are now selling Thizz Face protective masks. Capitali$m ain't dead, it just moved from selling Ecstasy to Coronasploitation.


Bonus beats: School of Dumb Knocks.

Thursday, 9 April 2020

Ain't Got Time like that Lil' Wayne mixtape cut

Nefew - Blockaholic
(From YouTube; 2020)



Via D Squared. Been a long time since I've heard an Atlanta Rap song with some slap but the Da Apartments guy has come through with Blockaholic here. That said, as with NHale's Dealin' Wit A Hoe, these long-arse video intros have REALLY gotta go. Rappers - take ya acting aspirations, put 'em under ya pillows, and kiss them shits goodnight forever ever.

**Edit** both YouTube uploads of the video vanished. WTF?!

Saturday, 4 April 2020

Generic list post: Cover Me Good


If parlour games are the new pub crawls in this season of the siccness then who's down for a round of Great Cover Versions? A Great Cover Version doesn't necessarily have to be better than its source material, but it does need to bring summat slightly different to the table and jam in its own right. All genres and eras are welcome, as are artists covering their own songs. What's not welcome are any of Tricky's shitty Bwistolian whisper-wap cover versions of 80s Rap classix, or any remakes of Children's Story which are all superfluous.

Snoop Doggy Dogg - Lodi Dodi (1993)
Howlin' Wolf - Evil (psychedelic version) (1969)
Fun Boy Three ft. Bananarama - It Ain't What You Do.. (1982)
Bananarama ft. Fun Boy Three - Really Saying Something (1983)
Isaac Hayes - Walk On By (1969)
Kreayshawn - Not My Job (2019)
Walter Murphy - A Fifth Of Beethoven (1977)
Notorious B.I.G - B.I.G. (Interlude) (1997)
Santana - Oye Como Va (1974)
Them - Baby, Please Don't Go (1964)
Baby Huey - A Change Is Going To Come (1971)
N.O.R.E - Colors (2002)
Soft Cell - Tainted Love (1981)
The Jackson 5 - I'll Bet You (1970)
Def Squad - Rapper's Delight (1997)
The Jimi Hendrix Experience - All Along The Watchtower (1968)
Madness - One Step Beyond (1979)
Big Drill Car - Surrender (1993)
The Mohawks - The Champ (1968)
Biz Markie - Bennie & The Jets (1995)
Joe Williams & The Jazz Orchestra - Get Out My Life, Woman (1966)
Cat Power - Ramblin' (Wo)man (2008)
Young Holt Unlimited - Light My Fire (1969)
Shirley Bassey - Light My Fire (1970)
Yung Cat - Killa City Party (2017)
The Sonics - Money (1965)
Neil Falconer - Peter Gunn (Spy Hunter Theme) (1983)
Charles Bradley - Changes (2016)
The Cramps - Fever (1980)
Akinyele - Coochie (1999)
Incredible Bongo Band - In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida (1973)
Al Green - How Can You Mend A Broken Heart (1972)
Too $hort - I Need A Freak (1997)
Aretha Franklin - Respect (1967)
Nirvana - Molly's Lips (1992)
Ms. Kane of Legit Ballaz - I Ain't The One (2003)
ESG - Moody (Spaced Out) (1983)
Link Wray & The Raymen - Batman Theme (1966)
DJ Jazzy Jeff ft. Peedi Crakk - Brand New Funk 2k7 (2007)
AllStar Lee - The Fresh Prince Of Brick Mile (2017)
Ramsey Lewis - Back In The U.S.S.R (1968)
Melissa Auf Der Maur & Karen Elson - Devil's Plaything (2002)
Juiceboxxx - Dead End America (2018)
Necro - I Need Drugs (2000)
Maceo & The Macks - Soul Power '74 (1974)

Thursday, 2 April 2020

R.I.P to Nate Dogg, he got to procreate

NHale - Dealin' Wit A Hoe
(From the internet; 2020)



It ain't no fun if the seeds can't sang none. The apple didn't fall from the G with Nate Dogg's son, eh? Junior ain't quite blessed with the same velvet tone as his dearly-departed old man, but he's on the right track with this jam. Just make sure you skip foward past the stupid intro to the 40 second mark.

**Edit** Video deleted.

Tuesday, 31 March 2020

Generic list post: March 2020

That was the night month everything changed...


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Liverpool Football Club's eternal premiership jinx sent the entire planet in lockdown.

Ghetto Mafia - In Decatur (1998)
79rs Gang - Drama (2015)
Eatem ft. Lil' Larry - Hit Da Drank Twice (2019)
Max B - Phenomenom (2020)
Nef The Pharaoh - ABC (2020)
Rio Da Yung OG - Take A Day (2020)
Donae'O - Marimba (2017)
Juiceboxxx - Deal With The Dream (2020)

Other notables: best Coronasploitation songs thus far came from Gmac Cash, Dee-1 and Eatem; ShooterGang Kony & Nef The Pharaoh's Bussdown was ruined by Teejay3k's Auto-Tune shenanigans; holy shit that Jay EDM & Jay Camel album was a hot mess lol; Capalow's Mud was my fave random find of the month.

Sunday, 29 March 2020

I rock Eminem and 50 Cent crowds and now spend 24 hours a day sittin' in the house

Slim Thug - Like A Boss
(From Already Platinum album; 2005)



People whose opinions about Rap you can never trust: people who think Like A Boss isn't a top 10 Neptunes production, and people who think the chickenhead hypewoman on Like A Boss' hook in anyway spoils the song. Absolute 5 star milla 10/10 perfect jam. Get well soon, Slim Thug and Scarface.

Saturday, 28 March 2020

Fetty Slap

"Yeah, I like the Jags, but the Hellcat faster
In the past I woulda sent you to a pastor"


Capolow - Mud
(From Sandman album; 2019)



Saturday night in lockdown and I'm lost down YouTube rabbit hole of slaps by the thuggish ruggish one from Trill Youngins. Come to the conclusion that Mud is his best song because it's the cheapest nastiest song he's ever recorded

Monday, 23 March 2020

Late pass! I'm a basic bastid when it comes to old ATL

Young Jeezy ft. Mykel - That's What's Up
(From Come Shop Wit Me album; 2003)



Ghetto Mafia - In Deacatur
(From On Da Grind album; 1998)



**Jeezy voice** Now I ain't tryna be funny but how'm I respect y'all when none of y'all told me that the best early Jeezy song is a homage to the best late Ghetto Mafia single? Git up, git out and do somethin'? Not in a pandemic, m8 - I'm gonna stay in and git up on the lesser known architects of Cadillac Muzik™/pioneers of Real Trap Shit™ instead.

Friday, 20 March 2020

Born To Audiomack: Because I'm Housin'

Shouts to Corona and I'm in with the quickness! When BlocBoy JB said "party in my house, turn into a club" last year, he couldn't have ever imagined how different the sentiment would hit in 2020. Dem dayz of being in the house like LL are over - this is now the era of being in the house like British InfoWars hermit PJW. Home is where the party is at, so here's a playlist of some recent-ish songs that are turnin' my house into a club right now. Corona's got us in the house, throw ya hands up!

~~ The Martorialist presents Because I'm Housin' ~~
Pronto Spazzout - Jiggy Music (2019)
Mic Terror - Head In The Morning (2019)
Eatem - Spent It All (2019)
Yhung T.O - You Know (2019)
Mozzy - Big Homie From The Hood (2019)
A-Mafia - Wunn (2019)
Casanova - Jail Call (2019)
Duke Deuce - Bad News (2020)
Nef The Pharaoh - ABC (2020)
Boldy James & The Alchemist - Speed Demon Freestyle (2020)
FMB DZ ft. Sada Baby - Dripple Dragons (2020)
Rio Da Yung OG - Take A Day (2020)
J Hus ft. Burna Boy - Play Play (2020)
79rs Gang - 79rs Bout To Blow (2020)
Max B - Phenomenon (2020)
NHale - Dealin' Wit A Hoe (2020)
Flo Milli - Not Friendly (2020)
GetEmTree - Opp Watching (2020)
Heavy Steppers - Whateva (2020)



**Edit** Adding songs to this as lockdown continues.

Tuesday, 17 March 2020

Humanity Strikes Back!

"Ima chill at the crib cuz I’m safe here
I ain’t even bouta drink me a Corona beer
Ima bouta stay at the crib for about a year
And I ain’t coming back out til this shit clear
I done bought me a mask and a lot gloves
And I still feel like that’s not enough
I ain’t shaking no hands, I don’t wanna hug
Make sure you wash yo' hands with a lot of love"


Gmac Cash - Coronavirus
(From YouTube; 2020)



Hands on the sanitizer pump, we ain't goin' out like that. It's Gunplay over Future all day, everyday: Mask On and you might see 2021, Mask Off and ya ass might get the cough.

Previously: All the homeboys with coronavirus be quiet!!!!

Sunday, 15 March 2020

All the homeboys with coronavirus be quiet!!!!


I sit alone in my 4 cornered bathroom staring at Andrex...
Oh this shit is on?
Lemme flip some shit like this here, real sick

At night I can't sleep, I toss and turn
Sick people in the park, public surfaces covered in germs
4 walls just starin' at a blogga, I'm paranoid sleepin' with my hand on the sanitizer
My mother's always stressin' I ain't livin' right
But I ain't goin' out without wet wipes
See, every time my eyes close
I start sweatin', worried I might get a sore throat
It's like some shit that's worse than SARS
But I don't know what it is, so I wanna Move To Mars
I can't see Covid-19 because it's deep undercover
When I wake all I hear about is the motherfucker
This shit is like a black plague of our own
Black, white, brown, or yellow ya ass is gettin' owned
Some might say "take a chill, B"
But f*ck that shit, there's a virus tryna kill me!

Son, I'm shook. My country voted for Brexit only for some foreign Chinese muck to come over here and take all our British germ's jobs. Covid-19 ain't no joke, it might leave ya elderly relatives smoked. Catch me tryna duck corona, off the corner, far away from Daytona or Arizona, workin' remotely on the celly phone-ah. But you crazy like that that glue to think that I ain't gonna drop a list that's sick like the Kung-Flu:

Cardi B - Bodak Yellow (2017)
Lil B - Wonton Soup (2010)
The Beatnuts - Corona Kings (2002)
Gucci Mane - Bird Flu (2007)
Gucci Mane - 16 Fever (2007)
Run-D.M.C - You Be Illin' (1986)
Brotha Lynch Hung ft. Sicx - Season of da Siccness (1995)
Mistah F.A.B ft. Turf Talk & E-40 - Super Wic Wit It (2005)
De La Soul - A Little Bit Of Soap (1989)
B.G. - Keep Yo Hands To Yourself (2007)
MC Hammer - U Can't Touch This (1990)
Cam'Ron - Wet Wipes (2006)
Foxx ft. Boosie & Webbie - Wipe Me Down (Remix) (2007)
Heltah Skeltah ft. Buckshot - Operation Lockdown (1996)
Organized Konfusion - Stress (1994)
Organized Konfusion - The Extinction Agenda (1994)

Will the playlist end on MF DOOM's Doomsday or Kendrick Lamar's Alright? Like Ed Koch said in Style Wars, time will tell.

Thursday, 12 March 2020

Alphabetic Violence

Nef The Pharaoh - ABC
(From ABC single; 2020)




Do U know your alphabets, young G? A, B, let's C. So, as I was sayin', Nef The Pharaoh's slappification of Spellbound is the most fun fing he's dropped in a while. Personal highlight has gotta be the unexpected shout out to Oakland's underground smutty oddball Z-Man - there's plenty of time to learn them ABC's when you're operating on 4 hours of sleep and that's word to O.J.

Z-Man - Artistic Violence
(From 4 Hours Of Sleep album; 1999)


Wednesday, 11 March 2020

Slangin' humble pie and St. Ides in the same sentence

Eatem ft. Lil' Larry - Hit Da Drank Twice
(From the internet; 2019/YouTube; 2020)



Soz to Lil' Larry for editing him outta Hit Da Drank Twice when the song first dropped last year. The video gives life to Larry's verse, and he's earned his guest spot here with his dancing-sidekick performance in the Spent It All video. As for the song, it's still the Baton Rouge Brawl Music™ equivalent of Drink Away The Pain.

What's ya fave mixed shot, lads? I'm rather partial to Kraken & Amaretto meself.

Monday, 9 March 2020

Wuhan!! Got You All In Check

Dr. Octagon - Bear Witness
(From Dr. Octagonecologyst album; 1996)



Man, DJ Q-Bert went all out like an emergency exit on this shit. Forget wanky 90s turntablism, Bear Witness was the best instrumental cut-up track since Tuff Crew's Behold The Detonator. Being that Automator did the beats and Q-Bert did the scratches, Bear Witness was the first great 100% AZN Rap song - probably the last too since Jackie Chain ain't produce his own shit and has now retired to literal greener pastures as a weed-farmer.

Sunday, 8 March 2020

His name is Rio and he dances with the bands

"I threw some water on his shirt, he had a f*ckin' wire
Bought a zip of soft for 800 and let my uncle try it
He said 'straight drop'
I knew the shit hadta be good I seen his face drop
It's 75 on a strap but he dropped 8 shots
I knew somebody got hit I heard the 'K stop"


Rio Da Yung OG - Take A Day
(From YouTube; 2020)



Shout out to Duran Duran, we in this bitch! Like Pink Chardonnay says, this one is a slight change of pace - a slight change of pace that's more to my taste, tbh.

Tuesday, 3 March 2020

Agallah The Don Beckham

Sum shit I recently found out: Agallah's proto-Wavy mixtape classic Gangster debuted on this Bork-released 12" in 2002 under the title of Gangsta 4 My Homies. Handy to know if, like me, you still think all your fave Rap songs deserve to exist on 12" backed with an obligatory instrumental version.

Agallah - Gangster
(From Imagine Your Life 12"; 2002/Doomsday mixtape; 2004)



One of my favourite things about Gangster is that you can use it to play 6 degrees of separation with Agallah and Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham: Gangster appeared on Kay Slay's Diplomats Volume 4 mixtape next to M.O.P's That Simple AKA the track which would later become the Posh Spice & Mash Out Posse collaboration after Dame Dash tried to sign her to Roc-A-Fella. Dame, you a fool for that one!


Dame, you also a fool for the Posh Spice & Jim Jones song!

Sunday, 1 March 2020

THANK YOU, GREASED GOD!


Max B - Phenomenon
(From Wave Pack compilation; 2020)



Plot twist: just when I'd given up on Max B makin' any new fly shit he reconnects with Dame Grease and that old nu-wave BBQ music magic reappears. In fact, I'd swear this was an unreleased joint from 2009 if it weren't for the mentions of Arianna Grande's flat bum and the UK's premier Drill Rapper 21 Savage. Something like a phenomenon, Liverpool's run is dead but the Wave's alive.

Alongside A-Mafia's Wunn, this is the 2nd Legit Jam™ by a Dipset affiliate to mention Harry Belafonte in the space of 4 months. It's a new Day-O for the Purple City (jail)Byrdgang?

Saturday, 29 February 2020

Generic list post: February 2020


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month of thee grandest Fury since Lyrics Of Fury. All the G.O.A.T British sportsmen are somehow #problematic: Tyson Fury, Eric Bristow, Geoffrey Boycott, Sol Campbell.

DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - A Nightmare On My Street (video) (1988/2018)
Duke Deuce - Bad News (2020)
79rs Gang - 79rs Bout To Blow (2020)
Boldy James & The Alchemist - Pinto (2020)
RichCityD - All Eyez On Me (2020)
Tailor Made - Fast Lane (instrumental) (1985)
Archers Of Loaf - Raleigh Days (2020)

Other notables: can't decide whether the video for Casanova's Knock Knock makes me give DJ Akademiks a smidgen of grudging respect or makes me loathe him even more; Nef The Pharaoh's ABC is the most fun song I've heard by him in a while; I'm looking at the tracklist of this new posthumous Jacka album with trepidation - can't I just have a properly mastered MP3 of Heavy Rain instead?

Bonus beats: 2010 nostalgia session.

Tuesday, 25 February 2020

Bounce (For The Juracán)

79rs Gang - 79rs Bout To Blow
(From YouTube; 2020)



Injun rain-dance Alpoko Bounce? Divine, darrrrrling. Big Chief Jermaine from the 7th Ward, Big Chief Romeo from the 9th Ward & their band of native shamans summon up ancient Bayou spirits of Juvenile and Lil' Slim. Don't get it twisted, though - any ponce who tries to tie this into "Hauntology" will curse themselves to spend eternity tormented by Mark Fisher's weird voice.

Saturday, 22 February 2020

Chief Queef: Make The Music With Your Mouth, Duke

Duke Deuce - Fat Mac
(From Memphis Massacre 2 mixtape; 2020)



Ladeez & germz, it's 2020's first song to feature a fat Rapper doing fanny-fart noises, and when I say fanny I ain't talkin' in the American sense, boiiiiii. Fair play, the Yeh guy ain't half bad at Project Mack-core here.

Duke Deuce - Bad News
(From Memphis Massacre 2 mixtape; 2020)



Another thing the Yeh guy ain't half bad at: condensing Big Memphis Energy down into placid Valee exoticness. It's nonchalant but still hardbody as f*ck.

Tuesday, 18 February 2020

And you gotta watch Tommy because Tommy be schemin'

Coolio - Aw Here It Goes (Kenan & Kel extended Theme)
(From TV show; 1996/Fantastic Voyage: The Greatest Hits album; 2001)



Following on from the last post, it also blows my mind that Tommy Boy never released Coolio's full Kenan & Kel theme as a single. Granted, it featured a buncha lyrics recycled from 1,2,3,4 (Sumpin' New), but it jammed way harder than that song so who cares? Plus, Tommy Boy CEO/Mountain Climber Who Plays An Electric Guitar™ Tom Silverman was hardly shy of releasing a plethora of singles in the hope one would stick, was he?

Never forget the Coolio vs. Tina Malone beef in Celebrity Big Brother.

Saturday, 15 February 2020

The Fresh Prince Of Bellend A&Rs

DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air (full version)
(From the TV show; 1990/Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince Greatest Hits album; 1998)



The biggest mistake Them crackers at Jive™ made wasn't continually delaying The Clipse's Hell Hath No Fury, it was not releasing the full Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air theme as a single back in 1990/1991. A no-brainer global hit in waiting, that shit coulda been as big as Summertime and made the world a more fun place in the process. Instead Jive came up with the bizarre decision to only release it as a Netherlands-exclusive and not even in its original form. Whichever A&R came up with that idea should have been fired - into space.

Thursday, 13 February 2020

Ten Four, we have an AZN droppin' N Bombs!

"All eyez on me, freaky hoes up in the backseat
Hurt the block how I run them backstreets
Gotta keep a 40 in case he try to clap me
And when it get to bustin' turn you n*ggas into athletes"


RichCityD - All Eyez On Me
(From Thizzler's YouTube channel; 2020)



I love the sound of random slaps in the morning. Come for the #problematic AZN, stay for the Happy Perez chords and haunted house synths.

Sunday, 9 February 2020

Generic list post: can you believe 2010 was a decade ago?


Yes I can/no I can't because 2010 simultaneously feels like a lifetime ago and five minutes ago. Very much an annus horribilis for anthems because some of the worst big Rap choonz of the decade dropped in 2010: Eminem's Not Afraid, Drake's Over, Young Money's Bedrock, Nicki Minaj's Super Bass, and KanYe West's Power. Tbf, 2010 wasn't quite as much of a lost wasteland as 2009 but so many of the songs in this list deserved better fates. Thus, 30 faves from the year of Gudda Gudda's Grocery Bag™ punchline:

Young Dro - Freeze Me
Beeda Weeda - Bassrock Babies (O.G version)
Rick Ross ft. Styles P - B.M.F (Blowin' Money Fast)
Sean Price - Figure Four
Lil' Boosie - Top To The Bottom
Webbie - My People
Mouse On Tha Track ft. Trill Fam - Turn The Beat Up
Curren$y - Michael Knight
Wiz Khalifa - The Kid Frankie
Dru Down ft. The Jacka - Hello Hello Hello
A-Mafia - 1000 Grams
Lil B - Good Morning
Young L - Young L-E-N
Grip Plyaz ft. Slick Pulla - Stuntman Mike
Roc Marciano - Ridin' Around
E-40 ft. Clyde Carson & Husalah - Lightweight Jammin'
Gucci Mane - Normal
Waka Flocka Flame ft. Kebo Gotti - Grove St. Party
$tarlito - Alright
AZ - The Calm
NhT Boyz ft. The Jacka - U Ain't From
YG ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Toot It And Boot It
HBK Gang - She Ready
Travis Porter - Make It Rain
French Montana ft. Curren$y - So High
Young Jeezy ft. Yo Gotti - All White Everything
Keak Da Sneak & DJ Fresh - Maxi Pads
Max Minelli - Louisiana Sky
Treal Lee & Prince Rick - Throwed Off (F*ck Everybody)
Mic Terror - My Bitch Tonight

Bonus beats: nostalgia lists for 1990 and 2000.

Sunday, 2 February 2020

Yo home to Nightmare!


DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - A Nightmare On My Street
(From He's The DJ, I'm The Rapper album; 1988/YouTube; 2018)



Damn, nobody told me that the banned A Nightmare On My Street video finally turned up online in 2018. Banned because New Line Cinema had it pulled from circulation in 1988 to use The Fat Boys' Are You Ready For Freddy? as a promotional tie-in for the 4th A Nightmare on Elm Street movie instead. Lord knows why because the Fat Boys song was shite, and there couldn't have been any tricky image rights issues to negotiate when the Freddy of Jeff & Will's Street looked nowt like the Freddy of Elm Street. One, two, Freddy's evil Muppet Billy Idol's coming for you...



Let's be honest here, this video resurfacing and Jimmy Wopo's two Elm Street songs were the only notable things Freddy's Franchise™ produced last decade.

Rap music - three, New Line Cinema - nil.