Friday 30 March 2012

Just sayin', bruv # 2

When in doubt that you can make it to 18 posts in a month, knock out another another Unpopular Opinions banger before exiting stage left pursued by Wu-Tang fanboys wielding pitchforks and torches :

A decade on from the release of The Cold Vein, the 2 members of Cannibal Ox are now remembered as being little more than the poor man's Yak Ballz.

Any Rap blogger who quacks themselves into a think piece frenzy over a try-hard broad with a irritating penchant for Rapping in Muppet Baby/Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins voices is clearly a sexist pig with possible rapist tendencies if they haven't also afforded a similar amount of thought to Pussy by Lady and I Need A Hitta by Katie Got Bandz.

Lyrically and production wise, Ain't My Type Of Hype by Full Force from the House Party OST is undoubtedly superior to anything on Wu-Tang Forever.

Non-north American citizens should be banned from Rapping, because far too many words have been wasted trying to get to the crux of why Drake's music is so odious when the problem simply boils down to Canadians being deeply sexless people who are incapable of sounding commanding on the mic.*

There isn't a single song in the entire Odd Future catalogue that jams as hard as I'm Mikey by The Cool Kids or Too $hort Back by Sir Michael Rocks.

The only people who honestly enjoy the music of SpaceGhostPurrp are dudes with Tumblr pages dedicated to posting Youtube videos of Einsturzende Neubaten, Grime freestyles and dance music that nobody has ever danced to in a club.

If his appeal for a retrial was successful, it's unlikely that Max B could replicate his 2008 - 2009 form so it's probably best for his legacy that he stays in prison until 2040 at the very earliest.

The last 2 paragraphs in the PayTray blog post entitled An Autobiographical Post On Rap And The White Guy about the site's author insulting his family's web programmers in a business meeting after repeatedly listening to Mia X's You Don't Wanna Go 2 War manages to convey the appeal of Rap music more eloquently than anything ever written by Shaheem Reid.

NYC Rap and possibly even Rap as a whole would be far better off if Jay-Z had retired after Big Scoob and Shyheim out-spat him on Big Daddy Kane's mediocre 1994 posse cut Show And Prove.

The main problem with Rap blogging in 2012 has nothing to do with the last 3 months being a dry spell for good music, and everything to do with the medium being precisely 70% less funny now that most of the marquee Rap bloggers conduct their pissing contests about which of them shares the closest affinity with real life black ppl in short sharp bursts on Twitter rather than protracted name-calling contests in comment sections.

(* Don't trip, Boothe - Brits are also deeply sexless people who are incapable of sounding commanding on the mic.)

Thursday 29 March 2012

The Rap Dutch Henry Brown

Tip of the twelve gallon hat to DB Tha General for Ghetto Cowboy from his latest album because, more than any other form of entertainment, Gangsta-Rap is a continuation of many of the themes prevalent in the Western movie; be that the classic American Westerns of the 30s, 40s, 50s and early 60s, Sam Peckinpah's Mexico films, the more lurid Spaghetti Westerns of the late 60s to mid 70s, and even a satirical parody like Blazing Saddles * :

"What you runnin' for? You thought you was gonna get shot?
My n*ggas end shit, period, GOT!
You runnin' off at the mouth, my bullets is gettin' hot
You want me to take him out? John F. in the drop"

DB Tha General - Ghetto Cowboy
(From I Shine, We All Shine album; 2012)

There'll surely come a day when old Western themes become the sample choice du jour for Rap producers, and that day really needs to result in someone spitting over the Burt Bacharach and Hal David composed theme from John Ford's 5/5 classic The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance which Gene Pitney later recorded after Ford dumped the original song from the movie's OST :

Gene Pitney - (The Man Who Shot) Liberty Valance
(From Only Love Can Break A Heart album; 1962)

(* Forget his touted Juice remake, Soulja Boy needs to star as sheriff Bart in a reworking of Blazing Saddles.)

Wednesday 28 March 2012

Beat your ass like a slave, you a runaway

This post is brought to you by the highlight of that new NhT Boyz mixtape, their best song since Block and an indicator that their relentless barrage of zingers somehow sound best over sparse basslines that are barely there like Mannie Fresh eyebrows :

"Temper's black, tell 'em that it's ugly - call it Macy Gray"

NhT Boyz - Freeway
(From Yangland mixtape; 2012)

Ayo 2$hin - I double-dog dare you to try and make a compelling case for rubbin' one out to Macy Gray over on the new fangled I Don't Care If You Wouldn't, I Would Tumblr page.

Tuesday 27 March 2012

Reasons why I love Youtube # 24

That 30 minute compilation video of James Brown's Future Shock TV show from some blog I linked to last april is now on the 'tube in 3 chunks :

Once a year we should all make a pilgrimage to James' magical 1975 ATLanta paradise where PVC met PCP over such J.B Disco-era classics as Hot (I Need To Be Loved, Loved, Loved, Loved), Body Heat and I'm Satisfied.

Monday 26 March 2012

Tuesday 20 March 2012

Martorial elegance : N.W.A edition # 3

Remember when Eazy-E announced he was releasing a double album featuring a song with Axl Rose back in a 1994 issue of The Source? Of course, it never happened because Eric fluttered up to the crossroads to chill with Freddie Mercury about 6 months later in 1995 after sticking his todger in some diseased skank/getting injected by a super form of HIV evil overlord Suge got Dr. Daz Dillinger to cook up in the Death Row laboratory, so the above picture and this song from Brandon McCartney's golden-era are the closest we'll ever come to such a cross-genre collaboration :

Lil B - Police 'n' N*ggas
(From the internet; 2009)

Crap GNR Rap punz a-go-go : It's So Weezy, Betta Axl Somebody, ParaDice Raw City, Izzy Shadlin, My Michel'le, Duff McKeakgan, Use Your IlluZion One, One In Amil-lion, Matt SoRumpletilskinz.

Friday 16 March 2012

$tarleen Spiteri

"I hang around stars like the moon, no jokin'
last week I had a conversation with Hulk Hogan"

All $tar - A-Z
(From $tarlito's Way : I Am Not Your Friend; 2007)

Not a patch on its sequel, but that's a pretty marvelous casual boast up top, huh? More importantly, we should all be thankful for A-Z's existence because it meant that Letterman type joints were no longer the sole preserve of New York mixtape Rappers of varying quality by 2007, thus sparing us from the rot really setting in with new entries into the micro-genre via the likes of Joell Ortiz, Vado and Meyhem Lauren.

So, anyhoo, I thought it was high time I DLed the first $tarlito's Way mixtape after never quite getting around to listening to it properly. His flow at this juncture of his career was still a little bit too Weezy Jr. at times, which is what's always put me off from giving the 'tape a fair shake, but the title track is essential 'lito, with the "I ain't even rappin', I'm just thinkin' out loud" line being a statement of intent about how he'd go on to develop his own distinctive understated drawling rap style :

All $tar - $tarlito's Way
(From $tarlito's Way : I Am Not Your Friend; 2007)

Holla if you hear me to all the homies who copped the Carlito's Way OST back in the day only to find Para Los Rumberos by Tito Puente and half the Latin songs from the movie weren't even on there. Every Sony album I've downloaded over the past 12 years has been partial revenge for them jipping me on that CD back in 1993.

Thursday 15 March 2012

Martorial elegance : NWA edition # 2

There's only one thing to do when one of your chick friends has a stronger NWA t-shirt game than you - man up, band up, scan up and print up a very special shirt of your own using the NWA tennis balls in a box pic which the European Bol Dom P unearthed :

Shout outs to all my saltines who've used the "oh, I'm a fan of that Bill guy from True Blood" when approached by angry black gentlemen enquiring why they're wearing apparel printed with the word COMPTON.

And on a very related note, I just noticed that Eddi Projex & Beeda Weeda's C-Bo homaging Youtube single Gettin' G's from 2010 finally turned up in full CDQ glory on Eddi's H.W.A (Hittaz Wit' Attitude) album last year about 5 minutes after pressing publish on this post. Near-fantastic timing on my behalf :

Eddi Projex ft. Beeda Weeda - Gettin' G's
(From H.W.A (Hittaz Wit' Attitude album; 2011)

Wednesday 14 March 2012

Reasons why I love Youtube # 23

Because it's the only place on the internet one can find U.N.L.V. performing Drag 'Em "N" Tha River remake/Yella Boy tribute Yella's Revenge in matching Dickies outfits on the Louisiana Jukebox TV show sometime in 2001 :

It's always weird seeing people you've only ever seen pictures of on album covers moving around for the first time, but it's particularly odd when they're also flirting with the show's host in the pre-performance interview for a song which was one long thinly-veiled death threat to Baby & Slim, as well as a riposte to Juvenile's Drag 'Em "N" Tha River beatjack Set It Off, huh?

Friday 9 March 2012

Gunplay = shapeshifting reptilian?

From "a human L.A riot" to "human methadone" in exactly 7 days :

"Human methadone, now leave me the eff alone
I take your bitch and eff her dome, it's me they wishin' death upon!"

Gunplay ft. Triple C's - Low Life
(From Bogota Rich : The Prequel mixtape; 2012)

Best hitherto unleaked song on the 'tape by the length of one of his very own Predator dreadlocks. Although Gunplay is clearly having difficulty deciding what he's the homosapien equivalent of on this 'tape, Low Life is almost certainly the conclusion of the Razor Ramon restaurant vignette in audio form :

Thursday 8 March 2012

Reasons why I love Youtube # 22

Oh shit, it's the making of the Bout It Bout It III video, featuring rare & secrete footage that's essentially the Rap equivalent of a lost behind-the-scenes clip of Orson Welles, Herman Mankiewicz and George Schaefer on the set of Citizen Kane in terms of historical importance to the artform :

Highlights include Cam telling the camera it's 105 degrees out as he stands there pouring with sweat in a vest over a tall tee and jeans, previously unseen shots of his legendary hot salmon coloured velour vest and shorts outfit, the chil'ren of Harlem shouting Master P's name as the grand imperial Percy Miller sets foot on the basketball court, and 1:50 onwards of the video being soundtracked by the alternate version of Bout It Bout It III with different vox by P and a coda of the classic No Limit "BOUNCE, BOUNCE, BOUNCE, BOUNCE" chant.

Wednesday 7 March 2012

Who dat?

Another year, another obscure old Boo Rossini joint from before he adopted the Rossini part of his moniker :

"Ain't got no time for playa-haters and them popo's
two components of this dirty game that are no-no's"

Boo ft. 2 nameless weed carriers - Birds Fly South
(From Birds Fly South tape; 1995/The Boss Playa album; 1996)

Mad proto-action going on with this one : chicken-talk a decade before Gucci; bird calls long before Baby, Taj and JR; and Harry Potter swag sonics a full 17 years before Louis Gucci. All the guests are uncredited on the 1996 CD reissue of the original Birds Fly South tape so the 2 weed carriers on this are persons unknown until someone can identify them. Plz tell me they've got fancy names like Bobby Lobster and Kenny 3 Pistols rather than something utterly unspectacular like Barry and Terry.

Tuesday 6 March 2012

Bloggaz gaffled 'em up

Akinyele - The Robbery Song
(From Put It In Your Mouth EP; 1996)

Koopsta Knicca - Robbers
(From Da Devil's Playground Underground Solo; 1999)

Topic of the day : bloggaz you'd trust to send you your shit and bloggaz you wouldn't trust to send you your shit. Let's come up with a definitive list for each category, chaps.

Monday 5 March 2012

Gimme that scan, fool

Some dude upped The Source's review of Pretty Tone Capone's Case Dismissed 12" on his site, Done reposted it on Tumblr and then I came along to jack it for here because nothing Mob Style-related escapes my attention for long :

Re : Real Niggaz - it's always bothered me tremendously that Ren said "and when it comes to dicks you don't even have one" instead of "and when it comes you don't even got one" after the "you on the dicks of four n*ggaz not one" line.

Sunday 4 March 2012

Brief thoughts on the new 8Ball mixtape

Nay : too many weed-carriers; too many past-it mercenaries like Bun B and Styles P; too many schmaltzy R&B hooks; too many lukewarm beats which sound like 2010 Gorilla Zoe joints.

Yay : Oh shit - it's a member of 112 in 2012!; Waka addressing his ever-expanding pot-belly on Immaculate Perception ("that's the get-money gut!"); that song, Drought and the 'tape's unsurprising highlight Showed Up :

8Ball ft. MJG - Showed Up
(From Premro mixtape; 2012)

Verdict : 3 definite keepers, but perhaps lacking a moment as good as Cold Hard World from MJG's last solo outing :

MJG ft. T-Mack & Daz - Cold Hard World
(From All I Do EP; 2009)

Saturday 3 March 2012

Martorial elegance : Boosie edition # 7

After a drought of nothin' but thugged-out dudes in jhorts and overweight women who look like E-40 on the Boosie Justice Facebook page throughout january and february, we finally have a suitable candidate for 2012's first Boosie edition of Martorial Elegance. Drum roll plz, Animal :

Andre Williams - Jail Bait
(From Jail Bait 7"; 1957)

It's always disappointing that Detroit Rappers have never really utilised their own city's rich musical history; imagine Trick-Trick spazzing out and threatening to decapitate Yung Berg's head from his chain with a toothpick over Oscillator by Paperclip People or a Danny Brown cover of Jail Bait by the O.G Motor City R&B thug Andre Williams from the P.O.V of a dude who just can't help himself tellin' cornfed 90s babies "what the 80s like", preferably over a revamp of Andre's song by whoever was responsible for producing the stunning Lincoln Continental.

Friday 2 March 2012


3 great Rap paradoxes - 2pac having the cojones to call Dre a poof for his World Class Wrecking Crew outfits in the mid 80s when he'd posed in a studded leather vest for the All Eyez On Me CD booklet a few months earlier; Pastor Troy warning some unrefined wench not to smoke near his $3000 coat moments after threatening to bust glocks in the crowded V.I.P section of one of ATL's finest nightspots on Fuck The Club Up; the sheer glut of Rap released in february yielding so few gems.

And so March reared its head yesterday and with it comes a new Gunplay joint which has officially just saved Rap music in 2012 :

Gunplay - Jump Out
(From Bogota Rich : The Prequel mixtape; 2012)

By my calculations, Jump Out has barely been out 5 hours and yet it's already poised to be the new Stick 'Em by 1:00 PM GMT. I'd gladly trade the careers of the entire Black Hippy collective for a remix of Slim Dunkin's I Gotta Eat with an unreleased Dunk verse where he doesn't shoot somebody's dog and a Gunplay cameo for the 2nd verse where he refers to himself as the one man 9/11.

Slim Dunkin - I Gotta Eat
(From Menace II Society mixtape; 2011)