Monday, 26 September 2022

On yer bike

"I'm just tryna make my city pop
Diamonds dance like City-Pop
No wait, diamonds dance, do the diddy bop
She with the spiritual but she bad like Unalaq
Spirits drawing inspiration tryna copy, call 'em DoodleBob
Get drawn like cartoons
Get drawn like guns in saloons
Big water on me, bitch, I'm a lagoon
Stop talkin' like you bout it, just wolfin' to me boy, I been here for many moons"


Seiji Oda - City Pop 001
(From City Pop 001 single; 2022)



In this life there's a lotta lunar cycles, two wheels on a bike, it's one on a unicycle. File this alongside Ezale's Day Ones and P-Lo's Boomerang in the canon of music videos by AZN Bay Area rappers on bicycles. Seiji San finally goes full Japanese City-Pop to make the town pop. A little birdy tells me this shit samples Cindy's Watashitachi o Shinjite Ite.

Friday, 23 September 2022

Feet of Fury

"When I walk around my hood I see
Broken hopes
Smoking dope
Eyes looking comatose
People on line for a okey doke
Joy, art
Beauty manifesting out the madness, it's a blessing just to take part"


Homeboy Sandman - Satellite
(From Sandman's forthcoming album; 2022)



As with Stroll, Sandman turns New York rappers inability to make car music from a shortcoming into a strength. Some "I walk around and observe the whole scenery then nonchalantly tell you what it mean to me" type shit. Call it poundin' pavements-core.

PS: pour out a little liquor of your choosing for the voice of the north Stu Allan. His Bus Dis radio show was slightly before my time/outside my orbit, but when an acquaintance hooked me up with some tapes in the mid 90s Stu's sets skooled me on the likes of Tuff Crew, MC EZ & Troup, JVC Force etc. Plus, I love the quirks of his taste where he (rightly) treated DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince with the same reverence as Boogie Down Productions.

Wednesday, 21 September 2022

My Homeboy's Ute

One of music's greatest strengths is transforming the mundane into the magical. Other people's cars are even less interesting than other people's children, so when some bloke in the pub starts yacking to me about his motor he has precisely 40 seconds to talk before I glaze over with boredom and tell him that I need to go for a piss. But when someone records a song about their car it invariably turns out to be a thrilling audio loveletter which has me hanging off every word. Rap music is the king of car-talk songs, but other genres have been known to work their magic too - like my favourite single from The Chats' new album.

The Chats - 6L GTR
(From Get F**ked album; 2022)



For the past couple of years The Chats have served the same purpose that Sum 41 did for me in the early 2000s: a gobshite Punk band armed with choonz, riffs, and very entertaining music videos (both bands even have scrawny ginger singers!) Fortunately, The Chats are Australian rather than Canadian so there's very little chance of them growing up and becoming a Lidl Velvet Revolver like Sum 41 did. Personally, I wouldn't be caught dead listening to a modern Punk band from Britain, America, Europe or Japan because the only people who can credibly make Punk music in 2022 are Australian zoomer grubs who sorta look like they could be James Gribble's gang from Round The Twist season one.

Bonus beats: Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince's Who Stole My Car? has gotta be the most "it was the moment I feared" type song after The Moment I Feared itself.

Monday, 19 September 2022

Something In The Way

Cash Cobain & Chow Lee - Just Blick It
(From 2 Slizzy 2 Sexy (Deluxe) album; 2022)



On one hand, this is the first Cash Cobain & Chow Lee song to catch my ear. On the other hand, it'd be way better without the Auto-Tune because it just sounds like Chicago-Bop with samples rather than a new amalgamation of Rap and Club music dunnit? The Auto-Tune also obscures Max B's influence here because the words and how they're delivered is some classic priapic Biggavelz porno muzik innit? Anyhoo, good song but not quite good enough to make it into my top 5 Club-Rap songs of 2022 so far. Quinary of Quality playlist time again:

1. 2Rare - Oochie Coochie
2. Asian Doll ft. Bandmanrill - Get Jumped
3. D4M $loan - Swiper
4. Kenzo B - Bump It
5. Cookiee Kawaii - Is U Mad?

Thursday, 15 September 2022

Born To Audiomack: Mac Dre & Khayree 1996 to 1998 Sure Slaps

Mac Dre was all that and for most of the 90s his producer Khayree had his back. After Dre was released from a 4 year stint in prison in 1996, him and Khayree got back 2 their mission of recording great Rap music together. Alas, they fell out over money in 1998 having only released a handful of their tracks together during this period. Over the years Khayree has dropped all their unreleased songs from this era on various compilations, so here's a plalist of their best 1996 to 1998 songs. The proverbial Good Combination of thoughtful Dre and thorough Dre, all backed by peak Khayree production. Honk at a hutch with some conscious mob music from the Crestside.

~~ Mac Dre & Khayree - 1996 to 1998 Sure Slaps ~~
1. True To The Game (Interlude)
2. My Folks
3. Back 2 My Mission
4. Pawns In The Game
5. How I Got Tis Name
6. And What Is Ya Name
7. Shoulda Been Mo
8. Mac Who? (ft. Mac Mall)
9. Feeling Like That N*gga
10. Livin' That Life



True story: Mac Dre and Pimp C are the only rappers who can use cock as a euphemism for coochie and not have me shouting "PAUSE!"

Tuesday, 13 September 2022

Chop shop

"18 with a baby, I wasn’t old enough
I made my family eat they words, I had to show 'em somethin'”


Nef The Pharoah - Old Enough
(From Old Enough; 2022)



Whoa na. For O.G members of #NefHive, Old Enough is the grown-up Come Pick Me Up - an introspective victory lap of a song. Nef The Pharoah is very hit and miss, but when he's on form he's a billion times better than all those dullard Yaseo The Ruler-core rappers who've been popular up Northern California the past couple of years. Here's proof in the form of a playlist: Nef's top five slaps from 2020 to 2022.



A moment of silence for Nef's dreadlocks. He chopped 'em off and now he looks like a goon from a J-Diggs video.

Monday, 12 September 2022

Breihan's Got A Baby

Y@k Ballz - HomePiss
(From HomePiss EP; 2000)



While it's easy to dismiss Y@k Ballz as the Brendan Soderberg to Tom Breihan's Cage, I'd argue that HomePiss is a better Cage song than anything Cage ever recorded as a solo artist. No shotz @ Agent Orange - everything is peace like the 70s or when I'm on ecstasy, I just find Y@k's flow on HomePiss more H20 to my ear. First time I heard this shit it was playing in a record shop and I was like "whoa, this new Cage song is the dog's bollocks!" Asked the fella behind the counter about it and he was like "nah, this is Cage's protégé Y@k Ballz and he's some crazy black kid." Imagine my surprise when Hip Hop Connection magazine interviewed Y@k a few months later and it was revealed that he looked like Sue Perkins modelling for Zoo York (no K.Fanat.)

Friday, 9 September 2022

P.L.O Style (no Method Man)

P-Lo ft. Larry June - Good
(From STUNNA album; 2022)



California livin' it up or wot? Alas, Good turned out to be the highlight of P-Lo's new album. I ain't even mad though because P-Lo's 2020/2021 run of singles turned my crib into a club throughout the U.K's various lockdowns. That said, it's a bit odd P didn't put Going Off on the new album because that shit is his Slap-Supremo G.O.A.T song IMHO. File this shit under 'tracks which should come with brake pads.'

P-Lo - Going Off
(From Going Off single; 2021)



California rappers seem to love football: we've seen Snoop wearing a Celtic jersey, Husalah posing with Robbie Keane, J.Stalin rhyming about David Beckham, Kendrick Lamar pledging allegiance to Spurs, Mack 10 at L.A Galaxy games, and Tyler The Creator in a Juventus shirt. But P-Lo is the only one walking around Cali with a Roberto Baggio rat tail. That's amore foreal foreal.

Wednesday, 7 September 2022

Jupitor Ascending

If you're a real Egyptian Lover fan you'll know that him & his buddy Gerald Bo Brown recorded a song called Computer Power under the alias of Jamie Jupitor in 1985. But what you might not know is that they dropped another Jamie Jupitor song in 2016... and it bumps! True story: if you'd played this track to ancient Egyptians they'd think they were being attacked by the Martian tripod machines from War Of The Worlds.

Jamie Jupitor - Future Computer
(From The Bass Academy Vol.2 12" single; 2016)



Not a lotta people realise this, but Electro type shit is some of the best music to drive to. The clue was there in the track titles all along - from Autobahn to Night Drive (Thru Babylon).

Monday, 5 September 2022

Seiji says RELAX

Seiji Oda - Enjoi (Goro)
(From YouTube; 2022)



A little slice of Monday mindfulness from the Gas God of Gentle Giggin': musical Chai tea to soundtrack a spot of Tai-Chi. Not sure about Seiji's new "I've just discovered Indie Rock"-era Cage hairdoo tho - my man best hope he doesn't bump into Vast Aire looking like that. Anyhoo, Enjoi (Goro) and What It Feel Like are two sides of the same Chi like Penrod "Penry" Pooch and Hong Kong Phooey.

Seiji Oda - What It Feel Like
(From YouTube; 2022)



Bonus beats: Cyborg is Seiji's best R&Hyphy song and best music video IMHO. You've got all these ham & egger new NorCal rappers mean muggin' with their m8s in sausage-fest Rap videos, and here comes Seiji Oda with only a toy robot and an ice cream cone for company. Legendary costume change too: from ninja to Nump in 3 seconds flat.

Seiji Oda - Cyborg
(From Cyborg single; 2021)


Friday, 2 September 2022

Wholesome Of Mischief

Ugly Duckling - Fresh Mode
(From Fresh Mode EP; 1999)



How I learned to stop worrying and love this song: forget how annoying Ugly Duckling's fans were and enjoy the song for its wholesome backpack-and-forth between Andy Cooper & Dizzy Dustin. It's silly to let other people ruin an artist for you, but Ugly Duckling's fanboys tended to be 4 Elements fundamentalists or "I don't usually listen to Rap BUT..." guys, so that's my excuse and I'm stickin' to it. A pity, though, because I coulda used Fresh Mode as a Nice & Squeaky-Clean detox from songs like Freddie Foxxx's Part Of My Life and Juvenile's U Understand back in 1999.

Mind you, I was absolutely right to hate Everybody C'mon back in '99. If that song were a person then it'd be Wicked22.

Tuesday, 30 August 2022

Generic list post: August 2022

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when I learned about the funniest Rap conspiracy theory ever: 2Pac faked his death, hid out for a few years, and then reinvented himself as... Akil The MC from Jurassic 5. Up next: Paul C secretly survived being shot, moved to California, and became Andy Cooper from Ugly Duckling.

Mac Dre - Shoulda Been Mo (O.G version) (1997/2013)
Problem Child - When She Hears This Tape (1999)
2Rare - Oochie Coochie (2022)
Boosie - Big Unc (2022)
Monaleo ft. Flo Milli - We Not Humping (remix) (2022)
Texas Boyz - Awready (2022)
Mike Sherm - Ballin' (2022)
Deviosy ft. Young Jr - GlockLover (2022)
Lady Ice - Up North (2022)
The Chats - The Price Of Smokes (2022)

Other stuff: I made a best of Eatem playlist and spread love to live performance scenes in movies by L7 and the Beastie Boys; Hotbox made a compilation/playlist of some of his favourite Lil' Wayne features; Party Sparty done a list of his favourite fictional movie psychopaths.

Sunday, 28 August 2022

God gave two versions of We Not Humping to you

Monaleo ft. Flo Milli - We Not Humping (remix)
(From We Not Humping (remix) single; 2022)



I've grown to like the We Not Humping remix almost as much as the original. That beat is so damn good you can just jam both versions back-to-back like late buses. Really don't understand how there are DJs out here complaining that there's no modern Rap for the dancefloor when there's two versions of We Not Humping staring them in the face. The problem is that DJs are too lazy to dig beyond Spotify playlist hits and too shook to play anything their punters are unfamiliar with. So, they've noone to blame but themselves that they're forced to play boring singles by Lil' Baby and Gunna through gritted teeth when they could be playing We Not Humping and Duke Deuce singles instead.

Hey DJs - God gave FNF (Let's Go) to you, gave Oochie Coochie to you, gave Je M'appelle to everyone.

All the DJs at the back sing along with me - God gave Fast (Motion) to you, gave Get Jumped to you, gave Bird Walk to everyone.

Wednesday, 24 August 2022

Jojo Camel

Oi Spartorialist - I've just thought of a glaring omission from the canon of Great Songs Recorded Especially For Movies: Camel Lips' Gas Chamber from Serial Mom. There's hundreds upon hundreds of Great Songs Recorded Especially For Movies, but precious few where the artist got to cameo their song with a live performance set-piece. Kathleen Turner lit Justin Whalin up like a Christmas tree, but he went out with Donita Sparks spilling a little liquor on his burning body. Death by Donita! A Grunge Grand Guignol.


If Gas Chamber is the G.O.A.T live performance scene featuring a Great Song Recorded Especially For A Movie, then the Beastie Boys performance of Desperado in Tougher Than Leather comes in in second place, closely followed by Stu Gardner's performance of Mighty Good Times in Point Blank. Their Desperado performance was our last glimpse of the #problematic Beastie brat era before they left Def Jam. Like my man KRS said R.I.P Ad-Rock.


Camel Lips were, of course, L7 with prosthetic vulvas down their leggings. Nowadays most regular folk know L7's Shitlist as "that song from Natural Born Killers", but between 1992 and 1994 Shitlist was known as "that song from Pet Semetary Two." Edward Furlong was that movie's star and it was him who suggested Shitlist for that particularly horrible scene. What a little sicko eh? Plot twist: John Connor was the real villain in Terminator 2. Come back, T-1000 - all is forgiven!

Tuesday, 23 August 2022

Mob Trial 4 coming soon?

Deviosy ft. Young Jr - GlockLover
(From GlockLover single; 2022)



Mob Figaz meets Mobb Deep vibez on this single by one of the Bird Walk guy's sidekicks & the Bird Walk guy himself. Mob Figaz because it sounds like it could be from a 4th installment of the Mob Trial compilation series, Mobb Deep because the song's topic is Gun Love. Gonna use this one as the B-Side to Bird Walk because it's a good opportunity to post that song again for doz that slept. What I really really want out of random NorCal Rap is anthems which give me the same feeling I got when I first heard No Hoe. Much like Big Tymin', Bird Walk gave me ALL the feels with a New Orleans twist.

Young Jr - Bird Walk
(From Bird Walk single; 2022)



NorCal Rap with a Michigan influence? Despicable. NorCal Rap with a New Orleans influence? Sensational.

Friday, 19 August 2022

(Shoulda Been) Mo Better Blues

"I grew up on the ghetto streets of California
Where turf wars result in brew poured on corners
For fallen soldiers who died on the front line
N*ggas sellin' flake tryna shake the one time
State convictions, dank addictions
N*ggas gettin' drunk just to shake the tension
The Golden State, pretty girls at the beach
They think we all livin' like Robyn Leech
But sunny California ain't all that handsome
Ballers get kidnapped and held for ransom
New born babies gettin' found in alleys
And the biggest gangs originate in Cali'
Lil' girls havin' kids at age 14
Baseheads havin' kids come out dope fiends
And crooked cops might tap datazz
So if you get pulled over you might have to blast
'Cause n*ggas never win when they go to trial
This Killafornia life got us homicidal
Or suicidal, take your pick
Whatever you pick, you gon' take a trip
To jail or Hell and which one's worse?
That Grey Goose or that black hearse
I tell you homeboy, Ima true blue playa
But sometimes I wish I would have grew up a square
'Cause ain't no tellin' when you might get smoked
Or stuck like Chuck in jail sayin' it shoulda been mo'..."


Mac Dre - Shoulda Been Mo (O.G version)
(From The Musical Life Of Mac Dre Vol. 3 - Young Black Brotha Years: 1996-1998 album; 2013)



Why didn't the O.G version of Shoulda Been Mo see the light of Dre Day until 2013? It's way better than the version on Khayree's Constant Drama compilation or the version on the Do You Remember? remix album innit. As far as West Coast gangsta-rap with Real Instruments™ went, Khayree & Steve "Silver" Scales were definitely going toe-to-toe with DJ Quik & Robert Bacon in the 90s. That 3rd verse quoted up top tells a colonial cracka like me more about AmeriKKKa than a billion Talib Kweli songs.

If only Dre & Khayree had collated the best songs they recorded together in 1996 to 1998 for a fifth EP. Shoulda Been Mo, My Folks, Back 2 My Mission, Livin' The Life, Pawns In The Game, How I Got Tis Name, and Feelin' Like That N*gga would all be included, natch. I've never liked It's Rainin' Game so I'll just ignore that song like it's pork. Obviously the EP would need a front cover and this pic of Dre with his '96 Chevy Impala woulda been perfect.

Wednesday, 17 August 2022

Trim Up North (no David Platt)

Lady Ice - Up North
(From Up North single; 2022)



It's up north, Jim, but not as Black Rob knew it. God bless Rap music and its constant ability to surprise me - never would have expected that a Mancunian Drill version of Lady Leshurr would be something I'd enjoy, but Up North is right up my road. Maybe Lady Ice will do an EP with Berner like that Tunde breh from Manchester? Surprisingly, the Mancs seem to love NorCal Rap - that Jordan cracka says Mozzy is his favourite rapper ever.

Things done changed when Mancunian birds now support Citeh rather than United. Some things never change though, like my United supporter m8s Tomo and Hughesy who are once again "too busy to keep track of the football" this season.

Monday, 15 August 2022

You minor, nearly major

2Rare - Oochie Coochie
(From Oochie Coochie single; 2022)



Philly Club Rap which kinda sounds like Chicago Bop? As The High & Mighty nearly said, that's a pleasant surprise like seeing unshaven pussy right in front of your eyes. Oochie Coochie might be the catchiest chorus of 2022 - a hook so horny it'd make Max B proud (2Rare even talks like Max when he says "I'm tryna hit you too, I got the wave right now and you keep tryna make me be the one to cuff you" to his bird on the phone.) At 1:14 Oochie Coochie is more like an intro than an anthem, but I ain't mad at it in this instance.

... who am I tryna fool? Nah, I'm mad. Oochie Coochie coulda/woulda/shoulda been a 5 Star General choon if it were longer. Not only is a 1:14 Rap song musically unsatisfying to me, it's also functionally impractical: how am I supposed to listen to this shit in the car and keep my eyes on the road when I've gotta fiddle around to rewind the song every 74 seconds? The unfortunate thing with a lot of these zoomer rappers is that they make music for TikTok instead of making music for cars. You know what's really annoying though? None of 2Rare's other songs are this short, but none of them are anywhere near as good as Oochie Coochie. Flippin' typical innit?

In theory, 2Rare could solve Oochie Coochie's problem by recording a 2nd verse for an extended mix. In reality, extended mixes usually end up creating more problems where the new verses either sound like awkward ProTooled attachments or use a different flow which ends up debunking the original song's charms. Life is... too short, and so is this song. Guess I'm just gonna have to accept that.

Friday, 12 August 2022

Still gettin' mine in the 1-9-9-9

When I walked into the supermarket last night Prince's pre-millenium party anthem was playing and I took it as a sign of divine inspiration from the cosmos that I should make a post about some 1999 Rap songs which are personal classic choonz. I'm a blogger not an entertainer, my brain is a receiver not a generator.

Problem Child - When She Hears This Tape
(From The Khayree Sessions Volume 1 compilation; 1999)



As a Khayree protégé who liked to talk supreme shit about the fairer sex, Problem Child was like The Mac reincarnated. I've only heard snippets from Problem Child's one and only album, but it doesn't sound like there's anything on there which mollywhops as hard as this song. Soak Some Dope levels of Vallejo molasses mob music with an expertly used Mac Mall vocal sample.

Missin' Linx - What It Is
(From Exhibit A EP; 1999)



The second Missin' Linx track with Necro behind the boards also happens to be the only Necro production you can hum along to. Sometimes all you need is some New York M.C shit over a beat which has you playing air-bass like you're the fella from Level 42. Shit is off the Rick James and me & this song go back like dookie thick chains since the age of 15.

Jiggs & Cheeks - Hustle Till I Die
(From The Don album; 1999)



The best song from Chicago's Jiggs & Cheeks' only album had legit hit potential and was begging for a remix with Twista. Pretty unique sound on this one: double-tracked Midwestern street jiggy shit which is best described as Do Or Diddy. Love it when they let the beat ride out at the end.

(Full disclosure: this was supposed to be another Quinary Of Quality playlist, but Audiomack wouldn't let me upload Slick Rick's I Sparkle and Ugly Duckling's Fresh Mode. Marty was outgunned, what is the outcome? The DMCA did me like Malcolm.)

Thursday, 11 August 2022

Twinkle twinkle, little slap

Mike Sherm - Ballin'
(From Ballin' single; 2022)



The AssHole kid is still making music, huh? Only the Bay Area could repurpose some replayed chords from a TM88 production for a spot of gentle giggin'. That all sounds very complicated, but this song is simply very catchy. No trendy Atlanta bandwagon hopping going on here, though - Ballin' sounds like it should be in constant rotation on Siccness.net radio and Mike Sherm looks like Manboy from Snowfall. How California is that?

Say what you want about Snowfall, but it's the only TV show I've ever seen to feature songs by Newcleus, Funky 4 + 1, Spoonie Gee (twice!), Sexual Harrassment, Unknown DJ, Egyptian Lover, Harlem World Crew, Whodini, and Just Ice. Potentially, it's the only TV show which might feature Mac Dre's Too Hard For The F*ckin' Radio in a future episode.

Monday, 8 August 2022

No love for boppers, they smell like cocks

Texas Boyz - Awready
(From Digital Playaz EP; 2022)



I presume Awready by Texas Boyz is a budding viral hit because it's been regularly popping up in random Instagram stories for the past month or so. Big grower tune for me where the "EUREKA!" moment came when I realised it sounds like Z Money & Bandman Kevo if they were signed to Swisha House Records. 281-330-8004, hit Texas Boyz up on the low because Texas Boyz caught Mike Jones' holy ghost.

Bonus Beats: Know What I'm Saying was my jam from Mike Jones' first album. Evidently Max B agreed with me because he beatjacked it for one of the highlights of Public Domain (The Prequel).

Max B - Have U Seen Her?
(From Public Domain (The Prequel) mixtape; 2007)



Immaculate taste that fella... and Max's taste ain't bad either tbf.

Saturday, 6 August 2022

Boricua's Way

Tony Touch ft. Doo Wop & Pain In Da Ass - The Return Of The Diaz Brothers
(From The Piece Maker compilation; 2000)



Tony Touch & Doo Wop were tighter than Carlito & Lalin, nah mean? Here at The Martorialist we've got a lotta lotta love for the second single from Tony's first compilation. On The Return Of The Diaz Brothers Tony & Wop were like a rapping DJ version of The Beatnuts who let Pain In Da Ass deliver his greatest Tony Montana ad libbing on a song. Tommy Boy Records clearly gave Tony a budget with oodles of 0's to be able to sample Salsation and to shoot a fancy video in Miami featuring Angel "Chi Chi from Scarface" Salazar. Plus, it was a return of The Diaz Brothers foreal foreal because they were the second Hip-Hop duo to adopt the moniker of those infamous characters from Scarface folklore.

Bonus boricua beats: just like Carlito's barrio, the video for Homeboy Sandman's Enough ya no existe since he threw a hissy fit and deleted his YouTube account last year. Fortunately it reappeared on his VEVO page a few days ago and I do mean fortunately because it's such a funny little no-budget video with Sandman, J-Live & Kurious all unintentionally dressed like uncles as they rhyme each other's verses. In theory, a song built on a drumless acoustic folk guitar sample should be earbola to me; in reality, it was the first Homeboy Sandman song to catch my ear back in 2014 - some EZ-Elpee Listening type shit.

Homeboy Sandman ft. J-Live & Kurious - Enough
(From Hallways album; 2014)



Sandman took Kurious' "worse than drugs, yeah, stress is a disease" line to heart and turned it into an album.

Wednesday, 3 August 2022

Born To Audiomack: Eatem's Greatest Pressure

When he's not reactivating banned Instagram accounts for the likes of Boosie, NBA Youngboy, WNC Whop Bezzy and OMB Peezy, Eatem is out here making some of the best Baton Rouge Rap music of recent times. For doz who've slept: Eatem looks like Percy Tragedy and makes fun rowdy southern anthems in the vein of Treal Lee & Prince Rick. He fits into the current Rap game as Baton Rouge's equivalent of Duke Deuce, but with different angles to his bangers like triangle isosceles. I woke up screaming "FORK THE WORLD" and decided to compile my favourite Eatem singles into a playlist, starting with 2016's Trophy and ending with his latest single Magical. Life is a Big Mac and bloggas come up and say "you did that?" So, chow down with me - everybody eats, B.

~~ Eatem's Greatest Pressure ~~
1. Trophy (2016)
2. Get The Roid (2016)
3. Side N*gga (ft. Spitta) (2018)
4. Whoop Sum (2019)
5. Hit Da Drank Twice (ft. Lil' Larry) (2019)
6. Spent It All (2019)
7. Wats Wrong With Em (2020)
8. Go Get Yo F*ckin' Brotha (2021)
9. Cup Of Tea (2021)
10. Lil' Phat Flow (2022)
11. Magical (ft. BR Cowboy) (2022)



All original songs except for his Hit The Quan beatjack Get The Roid which should be recognised as the official version IMHO. You don't rework, you don't eat.

Sunday, 31 July 2022

Generic list post: July 2022

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when male music critics embarrassed themselves by pretending to enjoy and have serious earnest opinionz about Beyonce albums again.

Cam'Ron ft. Lil' Cease - Hustler (1999)
Timbaland & Magoo ft. Attitude - Leavin' (2003)
Mac Dre & Zion I - Roll On Out (2007)
Stunnaman02 & DrewBanga - Wit' A Twist (2022)
Duke Deuce - I Get Crunk (2022)
Mr. 2-17 - Still Spaz'n (2022)
Z Money - Lyin' On Oath (2022)
Burna Boy ft. J Hus - Cloak & Dagger (2022)
Beabadoobee - The Perfect Pair (2022)
The Chats - I've Been Drunk In Every Pub In Brisbane (2022)

Other notables: GloRilla's Tomorrow is more like the B-Side to FNF (Let's Go) than it's follow-up single; here I was thinking we might get a Doja Cat X Homeboy Sandman collaboration and instead we got Lizzo X Quelle Chris & Chris Keys.

Further reading: me on my top 22 songs of 2022 so far, on why New Yorkers are terrible guardians of their own Rap galaxy, and on how a certain INXS song inspired a certain Prince song. Plus there's Party Sparty on the best Giallo soundtrack cuts. Oh, and then there's me again on my favourite TV show ever coming to an end.

Saturday, 30 July 2022

I Wonder If Heaven Got A Cul-De-Sac In A Fictional Suburb Of Australia?


This is worse than when Michael Owen got those two late goals in the 2001 F.A Cup final. My favourite TV show of all faded to black forever ever last night and I feel like my dog died in front of me again. What am I to do? I'm crying over Karl & Susan Kennedy and I'm feelin' blue. Other than Rap music and football, Neighbours has been an only constant in my life since 1988. Why couldn't God have taken Eastenders or Home & Away instead?

Neighbours was famed for being the Aussie soap opera which was bigger in Britain than its homeland, and for introducing the world to Russell Crowe, Guy Pearce, Kylie Minogue, Ben Mendelsohn, Alan Dale, Natalie Imbruglia, Holly Valance, Margot Robbie, Jesse Spencer, the Hemsworth brothers, and that bird who played Annalise (but not Iggy Azalea!) And every last one of them should all be thankful for Neighbours because without the show they'd probably be shearing sheep or advertising Vegemite for a living instead. But for me, Neighbours was deeper than that: Australian ex-pats who live in Britain are the W.O.A.T, but Australians in Australia are an entirely different proposition - the temperature is Californian, but their temperament is British, and so this weird cultural identity crisis with its own unique customs and slanguage has been best expressed in music like Bon Scott-era AC/DC and The Chats, movies like Wake In Fright and Idiot Box, and TV shows like Round The Twist and Underbelly. Neighbours was a more wholesome expression of this dicthomy, and in its teatime TV slot acted as chewing gum for my eyes and comfort food for my soul AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!

Any old prestige HBO TV show can be engaging, entertaining, and emotionally-involving for five or so series. To be all that & a bag of Macadamia nuts five days a week for 37 years? David's Chase and Simon could never. And that is why Neighbours was proper ritualistic Transcendental Television™. It's the end of an avvo for Paul Robinson's neighbourhood. Pour out a little Aussie beer of your choosing for the show I loved so much I could even forgive it giving cameos to Lily Allen and Russell Brand.
How had I been watching Neighbours so long but only just found out the bloke who played Doug Willis is Jason Donovan's IRL dad?

Thursday, 28 July 2022

Saturday Knight Fever

"F*ck a Suge Knight, I'm tryna have a good night
I'm tryna hit this n*gga Drew - you in the 'hood, right?"


Stunnaman02 & DrewBanga - Wit' A Twist
(From It's Big album; 2022)



F*ck a Suge Knight, I'm tryna have a good night are words to live by. Roll Wit' It is my jam from Stunnaman02 & DrewBanga's EP, but I got love for Wit' A Twist too. NorCal Rap needs more Flamenco-guitar type Dreganomics.

Mac Dre - Dreganomics
(From Ronald Dregan album; 2004)



When some brick shithouse bouncer ejects you from the bar for throwing Skittles at the DJ because he's playing multiple Drake songs in a row that's a f*ck a Suge Knight, I'm tryna have a good night moment. Follow me now, let me lead the way, if you gon' believe in somethin', believe in NoDrake. It's only civilised that we can live our lives without hearing a whiney Canadian guy, nights out royally spoiled by that nonce's music, NoDrakeganomics.

Tuesday, 26 July 2022

My Mind Spray 4

This picture of Mac Dre in Hawaii was a physical manifestation of his "I want my own Island, betcha ima get it" lyric.

I thought Flo Milli was in danger of becoming into the new OMB Peezy: a young Alabama upstart who got brainwashed into making boring Spotify playlist fodder. Turns out she's #actually the new Beastie Boys: as the bratty belligerence disappears, so does the magic. Her new album got a couple of jams, but she's mostly lost what made her unique: that she was a hoodrat Angelica from Rugrats.

Tired: CD reissues of every every mediocre regional '90s G-Funk album. Wired: CD reissues of no-DJ versions of Max B's late '00s mixtapes.

Another reason why New Yorkers are such terrible authorities on their own Rap music: they've been bodied at documenting their own '80s history by a guy from Virginia.

If some music critic writes a Wasn't Timbaland brilliant? article and doesn't mention any of the Timbaland & Magoo singles then, to misquote Magoo himself, that music critic got no taste, we fart on your thinkpiece. Yeah, Magoo has a funny voice, but so does Kendrick Lamar and some of you ponces swear he's The Most Important Artiste Of This Generation™.

If the clothes really do maketh the man then these jeans explain why 70th Street Carlos' music is such a confused mess nowadays.

DJ Vlad and Joe Budden have made me hate Rap gossip, but I'd still love to hear the full unedited version of Mad Skillz Ghost Writer. Scandalous when it dropped, it's one of my favourite Rawkus Records singles and 22 years later it still works as a Rap industry cryptic crossword even though some of the blanks have been filled in.

Mad Skillz ft. DJ Fusion - Ghost Writer
(From Ghost Writer 12" single; 2000)


Sunday, 24 July 2022

What a Div'

Three Times Dope - Funky Dividends
(From Original Stylin' album; 1988)



It's thanks to the sample from Delagation's Oh Honey that Three Times Dope's Funky Dividends is one of the G.O.A.T summer day songs which isn't #actully a summer day song. Funky Dividends begins as a postscript to Spoonie Gee's Love Rap and ends as a precursor to Sporty Thievz' Cheapskate (You Ain't Gettin' Nada). Top 10 Philly Rap single of all time or wot?

Thursday, 21 July 2022

Generic list post: 22 from 2022

22 songs from 2022 which are too hot like Coolio and the current weather. Basically, this is my slightly belated best songs of the first half of 2022 list. No particular order of preference, and contains 2 British Rap songs and 3 songs with no rapping.

Monaleo - We Not Humping
Seiji Oda - WAKE UP
Hitkidd & Glorilla - FNF (Let's Go)
Young Jr - Bird Walk
AD - All I Do
Eatem - Lil' Phat Flow
Tony Shhnow - Sometimes
Duke Deuce ft. Glorilla - Just Say That
Homeboy Sandman - Fruit Day 1
Ezale - Ironic
Consequence - Blood Stain
Asian Doll ft. Bandmanrill - Get Jumped
Yuno Miles - Road To Riches
A-Wax - Streets Callin'
Stunnaman02 ft. Lil' Kayla - Roll Wit It
Young Bleed - Dat' Water
Westside Boogie ft. DRAM - AIGHT
Benzz - Je M'appelle
Knucks ft. SL - Nice & Smooth
Cookiee Kawaii - Fly Away
Mr. Fingers - Coastline Paradox
Real Lies - Dream On

Favourite movies of 2022 so far gotta be Boiling Point, Brian and Charles and The Innocents. Hopefully catch Hatching and Crimes Of The Future soon.

Thursday, 14 July 2022

Febreze the beat

Mr. 2-17 - Still Spaz'n
(From YouTube; 2022)



Revisiting some classic Mr. 2-17 got me checking out what he's been upto recently. Turns out he's been bobbing and weaving between the past with Soulja Boy tributes like Crank Dat Dance and the future with Jean-Michel Jarre Prog-Swag instrumentals like Still Spaz'n. Mr. 2-17 reckons this one is a #YeatTypeBeat; me, I'd prefer #AnyoneButYeat on it and would rather he lets the beat breathe as an instrumental forever ever.

Bonus beats: My pick for G.O.A.T instrumental which exists only on the producer's YouTube page because nobody's ever bought it? Gotta be this Trel Itz A Hit beat where he really let his nuts hang. Oi Trel - you came up outta that Bayou like a muskrat on this one.

Trel Itz A Hit - South Louisiana Swag
(From YouTube; 2015)


Tuesday, 12 July 2022

New York Strait Talk

Don't you hate when New Yorkers try to discredit Rap music from other regions like "we don't listen to that here"? California and Tennessee must have been devastated that the city who bought multiple albums by Das EFX and Drag-On didn't give any play to Suga Free's Street Gospel and Project Pat's Ghetty Green. Ironically, New Yorkers tend to have terrible taste in their own Rap music let alone Rap music from other regions. Lest we forget that New Yorkers prefered Fat Joe to the rest of D.I.T.C and anointed Mos Def as the savior of Real Hip-Hop™. Lest we also forget that New Yorkers put their industry weight behind the likes of Mims and Maino when Max B was hiding in plain sight. And these are the authoritarians whose taste we're supposed to defer to? LMFAO.

In hindsight, it was obvious that New Yorkers were unreliable authorities on their own Rap music when they ignored Whodini's I'm A Ho and The Showboys Drag Rap and left it to California and New Orleans to recognise the brilliance of both songs. If we can pinpoint the moment when New York's superiority complex became a worldwide laughing stock it was 2012 when the city decided A$AP Ferg made music which was remotely listenable. After that, Rap fans only looked to New York to see what was poppin' there and then ran in the opposite direction. I bet that makes New Yorkers real mad, don't it? But I bet New Yorkers can't find a single lie in this post.

BTW, no shotz @ Maino. He wasn't competition when him and Max B were contemporaries in the late noughties, but he did have three undeniable jams back then: Role Model shoulda been the Broken Language of 2008, Hi Hater transformed Money (Dollar Bill Y'all) into some post-Jigginess, and Rumors is the G.O.A.T Dead Perez gossip song of that era. "I was readin' the daily news where they said they had flicks of Lloyd Banks havin' sex with a hairy dude" is a helluva lyric.

Maino - Rumors
(From Real Recognize Real mixtape/DVD; 2005)



Pity nobody has ever identified the sample on Rumors because it sounds like it comes from the nastiest Spaghetti Western ever.

Sunday, 10 July 2022

Don't you wish that you could wake up and find Z Money soundin' irregular again?

Z Money - Lyin' On Oath
(From Back 2 The Blender album; 2022)



Turns out that Z Money over a Playboi Carti Type Beat™ is everything I want. As an O.G Z Money fan who hasn't been too into his new music since he lost the sense of humour + the J Neal production, I'm pleased to wake up and find out that Lyin' On Oath is his least regular shit since Dope Boy Magic.

Z Money - Dope Boy Magic
(From Dope Boy Magic single; 2014)



No love for Trap beats, they smell like cocks.

Saturday, 9 July 2022

My Alphabets Part 2

"M is for the Money, E is for the Evil
The other M for Memphis, the P is for the People
The H is for the Hoes and the I is for Ice
The S is for your Soul, it can come with a price"


Duke Deuce - I Get Crunk
(From CRUNKSTAR album; 2022)




It's a testament to how timeless LL Cool J's I Need Love is that it's already inspired two remakes so far this year. DJ Fresh & J.Stalin's I Need A Plug is a nice little requel, but Duke Deuce's I Get Crunk is bigger and deffer enough to qualify as a legit revamp. This shit needs a proper video where Duke can strut his half B-Boy/half D-Boy stuff. Off-beat and on-beat, old skool like Beat Street, Duke got more funk than Popmaster Fabel's feet.

True story: as I was writing this post the universe aligned with the algorithm and YouTube recommended me a documentary about LL Cool J's Bigger And Deffer album. Let Marty lead you away from drugs and petty crime, lead you away from Memphis beats and rhymes, lead you to that ticket line so you can watch 11 minutes of LL in his prime.


If LL doesn't shout out Duke like he did Peewee Longway then we riot.

Thursday, 7 July 2022

Cam Du

Cam'Ron ft. Lil' Cease - Hustler
(From The Rough, Rough, Rough album promo CDr; 1999)



Sum shit I just found out: Cam'Ron had a Hard Knock Life-core song on the promo version of S.D.E. Flipping So You Wanna Be A Boxer from Bugsy Malone with Lil' Cease bouncing the hook. Easily the best Hard Knock Life-core track which wasn't produced by The 45 King.

Craig Mack and Big Scoob went to the 45 King for The Wooden Horse and Can Du respectively, and while neither of those tracks blew up, they were far better Hard Knock Life-core choonz than Jay-Z's own hard knock-off Anything or whatever Busta's shitty song with The Ugly Duckling sample was called. Latter song is such a quack it was the first flop single of Busta's solo career.

Wednesday, 6 July 2022

New old Dre, who dis?


Seiji Oda & Lil' Ricefield dropped yesterday's best birthday tribute to Mac Dre. Best because it captures the thrill of gettin' your dome blown within the comforts of your own zone to Dre's music, and best because it put me onto a Dre deep cud I'd never heard before. Bass on this shit is bigger than E.T's head and makes me wanna roll out like Missy Elliot's queen size waterbed. My summer slumpah of 2022 is here!

Mac Dre & Zion I - Roll On Out
(From Too $hort & Friends' I Heart The Bay compilation; 2007)



May I continue to find old-but-new-to-me Mac Dre songs for many years to come.

Monday, 4 July 2022

My Alphabets

INXS - Need You Tonight
(From Kick album; 1987)



My m8 Tomo is a Prince mega-fan and recently edutained me with an interesting anecdote about two of the best pop singles of the 1980s. The story goes that Prince was simultaneously hugely impressed and hugely infuriated by INXS' Need You Tonight: hugely impressed by it as a song because he was already an INXS fan after What You Need blew up in America a couple of years earlier, but hugely infuriated by someone else having a massive hit which was drenched in his own DNA. So he decided to rework an acoustic demo of his into something which was, essentially, Need You Tonight with an even bigger boner. Hey presto - Prince's last great single of the '80s was born.

Prince - Alphabet St. (single version)
(From Lovesexy album; 1988)



Of course, whether Alphabet St. is a better song than Need You Tonight is entirely subjective innit. But what isn't up for debate is that Alphabet St. trumps Need You Tonight in Prince's mission statement of sheer Big Boner Energy™. Job's a good 'un - the best example of Prince living up to his The Purple One nickname or wot?

While this anecdote isn't quite Prince's equivalent of James Brown's Hot (I Need To Be Loved, Loved, Loved) swaggerjacking David Bowie's Fame, both instances prove that colonial cracka artists can occasionally spur black 'Murican artists to greater heights. Game recognise game, bro's do too. Pour out a little liquor for all the lost lads.

Thursday, 30 June 2022

Generic list post: June 2022

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when I found out that the cassingle of Big Scoob's Champagne On The Block had an amazing front cover. Those of us who own the 12" got shafted.

Big Scoob - U Got It (2002)
Yung Joc - A Couple Grand (2006)
Monaleo - We Not Humping (2021)
Eatem ft. BR Cowboy - Magical (2022)
Duke Deuce ft. Glorilla - Just Say That (2022)
Homeboy Sandman - Fruit Day 1 (2022)
Consequence - Blood Stain (2022)
P-Lo ft. Larry June - Good (2022)
Ezale - Hotel Motel (2022)
Westside Boogie ft. DRAM - AIGHT (2022)
Knucks ft. Sainte - Playa (2022)

Other notables: I'm still not tryna hear G-Herbo soundalikes over Jersey Club beats but Asian Doll's song featuring Bandmanrill is hot like summertime with corduroys; Seiji Oda's What It Feel Like is a cool little stopgap song; as someone who has a soft spot for French Montana I didn't need him on a remix of the best U.K single of 2022.

PS: they were only Lil' like Chris, but I made a couple of playlists this month: five New York 12" songs I love and my top 5 NorCal Rap songs of 2022 so far.

PPS: I wouldn't necessarily say that Playa is one of my favourite songs on the Knucks album, but that chorus stays richochetting and reverberating around my head, so I've ended up listening to it more than the album's de facto best songs.

Wednesday, 29 June 2022

You were ALWAYS the bellhop, Mr. Ezale

Ezale - Hotel Motel
(From Hotel Motel single; 2022)



The Andrehick Hotel Motel has a new employee - heeeeeere's Ezay. I did say that Ezale songs tend to be different than the snippets suggest and that's certainly true with this one because the I Get Around beat-switcheroo from teaser number two is now entirely slo-mo Screwed. WTF - the Pol Pot of the Pillionaire's Boys Club keeps pretzelling my pomegranate, man. Regardless, Ezale singles are always mini-movies in musical form. Gonna tell my kid this is The Shining.

Ezale caught the Furley Ghost with that Stupid Doo Doo Dumb moment @ 1:34. Best sittin' on the bog reveal scene in a music video since Tom DeLonge in Blink-182's All The Small Things.

**EDIT** Good news, the I Get Around beat-switcheroo isn't Screwed on the MP3.

Tuesday, 28 June 2022

Late pass!

Monaleo - We Not Humping
(From We Not Humping single; 2021)



How come none of you fooken' humps told me about this song eh eh? Could end up being my favourite 2022 song which #actually dropped in December 2021. There's a remix of this with Flo Milli that's a better City Girls single than City Girls' latest single, but it ain't as satisfying as Monaleo's solo O.G version. As D.W Griffiths' nearly said, all you need is a girl rhyming about her guns.

Other contenders for my favourite 2022 song which #actually dropped in December 2021: Sometimes by Tony Shhnow and Road To Riches by Yuno Miles.

Monday, 27 June 2022

Diamond D & The Psycho-Spiritual Neurotic

"Being a human being is abrasive
They throw you on the job without no orientation
It's not like everyday I need a standing ovation
Before I leave I'd like to leave a couple of traces
Roll the dice and move ahead a couple of spaces
Shed the fear of flying and defy limitation
Recognise the signs and their interpretation
Take an ancient science and apply innovation
I'm not one to make haste or stay patient
So every single day is like a paid vacation"


Homeboy Sandman - Fruit Day 1
(From I Can't Sell These album; 2022)



Marky Mark, The Mighty Ducks, Good Vibrations on my fave song from Homeboy Sandman's new Lost Tapes type album. Conclusive proof that every New York rapper of note should beatjack Diamond D's Freestyle (Yo That's That Shit) for a Lyrical Exercise song. But then, you knew that already if you've heard Sean Price's 60 Bar Dash, right?

Thursday, 23 June 2022

Born To Audiomack: Five N.Y Twelves

Here at The Martorialist we keep a stylus pen like a fiend keep a pipe with him, so here's another quick quinary of quality playlist. Revisiting Big Scoob's early 2000's singles has got me in the mood for some personal classic New York 12" singles, thus here's five songs I love like RZA & Kool G. Rap loved Cakes. Cool thing about this era of New York Rap is that everybody who was deep in them record racks and up on them webstores experienced shit differently, and so songs like Missin' Linx's Can't Be Stop or Lord Sear's Ya Mouth Stink might not have entered your orbit but they're both 5 Star General choonz to me.

1. Phil Blunts - On The Attack (1996)
2. Consequence - Rock N Roll (1997)
3. Blahzay Blahzay - Ice Grillz (2000)
4. B-1 ft. Large Professor - Put Yo' Self In My Place (2000)
5. Ayatollah ft. Rakim - A Cold Feeling (2002)



1. Phil Blunts' Yonkers classic On The Attack which should be a proper New York classic. N.Y drama-core that's so good it can make me overlook Phil's very #problematic line about rape.

2. Had a soft spot for Consequence ever since I heard Rock N Roll. Alongside ATCQ's The Jam, this is one of the best examples of late 90s clip-clop Dilla production imho.

3. Not a lotta people know this, but the second best song Blahzay Blahzay & P.F. Cuttin' ever recorded is Ice Grillz. Some mean-muggin' Brooklyn winter warz Rap.

4. B-1 is best known for his guest spots on Kool G. Rap's 4, 5, 6 album and his two singles on Rawkus Records, but for Q.B connoisseurs his true Dunn-Rap hall of fame tune is Put Yo' Self In My Place.

5. There were only two good things to come from Rakim's tenure with Aftermath Records: the Truth Hurts song he guested on and the Ayatollah banger A Cold Feeling. Supposedly recorded for The Wash soundtrack, it woulda sounded perfect on Kay Slay's first compilation.

~~> DOWNLOAD HERE <~~

Tuesday, 21 June 2022

Wanted dead or alive: Kryptonite by Big Scoob

Big Scoob's Kryptonite was a minor classic which rang out alongside Ante Up in summer 2000, but I've only ever seen it uploaded online as the instrumental. Perhaps Kryptonite is a true You Had To Be There™ tune: Big Daddy Kane's former back-up dancer dropping a Superman theme sampling indie single which became a Funkmaster Flex Tunnel Banger™ staple. Here in the U.K, Kryptonite was a rare example of a Westwood favourite which got love in Mr. Bongo by British backpackers who had their Jansports strapped too tight. Step Won came thru with the Ronaldinho to Rivaldo type assist, so I threw the MP3 up on Audiomack and Mediafire. Ya gun got dust in it from not bustin' it!

Big Scoob - Kryptonite
(From Kryptonite 12" single; 2000)



Be rude to leave you without another Big Scoob song to step to, so here's the lesser known U Got It. Scoob on some I Got It Made braggin' & boastin' over a certain Bobby Byrd break. U know the proto-Top Shelf 8/8/'88 steez.

Big Scoob - U Got It
(From U Got It single; 2002)



Anyone got an MP3 of Scoob's Say It Loud? Never heard it meself, but it could be cool if it's a JB sample. Alternatively, it could sound like a Drag-On album track which is why I'm hesitant to spend a tenner on the 12".

Sunday, 19 June 2022

Did somebody say just Eat?

"It's so good it's magical, lemme put a spell on you
I know you got a n*gga, baby girl I ain't gon' tell on you
I don't need no honey pack, I don't pop no f*ckin' percs
Hit that ass from 9 to 5, lemme get that f*ckin' work"


Eatem ft. BR Cowboy - Magical
(From Magical single; 2022)



You know how Homeboy Sandman's Talking (Bleep) is just Conjugal Visit To The Prison Of The Mind re-tweaked with rhymes about pet peeves and a hook made from a wah-wah guitar sample? Eatem's Magical follows a similar trajectory: it's just Go Get Yo' F*ckin Brotha re-tweeked with rhymes about "your girlfriend" and a hook made from the BR Cowboy restaurant jingle & Russ Meyer sex EFX. No shotz @ Sandman or Eatem because there's nowt wrong with that in either instance - craftily re-tweaking your own songs is the 7th element of Rap music.

Props to Eatem's producer/former Down Bad member Mike Sneezy for making the aforementioned Russ Meyer sex EFX sound like Herbie Hancock's Watermelon Man. I'm not a Jazz guy, but I've loved that shit ever since I first heard it soundtracking Guy Mariano's G.O.A.T Sk8 video part.

You wanna go down? Why not. I'll be like Matt and Han' you a cock.

Friday, 17 June 2022

Count Dukeula

Duke Deuce ft. Glorilla - Just Say That
(From CRUNKSTAR album; 2022)



Been waiting on this one since a snippet appeared last summer. It sounds as Transylvanian as expected but arrives with two pleasant surprises: a Glorilla cameo and Duke dressed in Beethoven garb like Biz Markie in the Just A Friend video. Hat tip to Duke and Eatem for bringing the fun back to hardbody Rap.

Tuesday, 14 June 2022

W Boogie Wit Da Dickies

Westside Boogie ft. DRAM - AIGHT
(From AIGHT single; 2022)



This has to be the first good Shady Records single since... since.... since..... who even knows? AIGHT's appeal: it inadvertently sounds like Nef The Pharoah made a Kendrick Lamar song. Or rather, it's some Siccness.net type shit unintentionally disguised as some HotNewHipHop.com type shit. A happy accident where Big Tymin' meets Big Steppers.

DRAM changed his name to Shelley FKA DRAM but let's not indulge him. Son, you're DRAM AKA the Cha Cha guy.

Monday, 13 June 2022

My Mind Spray 3.5

Can I say shit? Do it for Matthew Africa, do it for Gary Warnett.

It's no coincidence that E-40 and Boosie's music both took a turn for the worse when they stopped wearing premium LVC Levi's jeans and switched to ugly distressed Eurotrash denim with ridges on the knees. You can't be an American outlaw when you're dressed like a Spanish footballer.

Hurricane Chris is making a comeback via a Jersey Club remix of Ay Bay Bay that's blown up on TikTok. Personally, I can't wait until the Jersey Club community discover ReUp Reedy's For That Dick.

Hyperpop is just Chicago Bop for posh people and paedophiles. You can't tell me shit to the contrary because A.G Cook & all them P.C Music toffs had never heard Rap music until Fact Magazine posted a Sicko Mobb video. I also betcha 100 Gecs had never heard Rap music until Pitchfork reviewed DJ Moondawg's We Invented The Bop Vol. 1 mixtape.

For decades, "yeah, but it bangs on the dancefloor tho!" was a mostly accurate gauge for judging Rap music. Then KanYe Pest's Stronger made it an unreliable barometer before Drake's career and Godawful shite like A$AP Ferg's Shabba rendered it an utterly useless measuring stick.

When you're in the pub watching a football match on BT Sport there's no better feeling than drowning out Glenn Hoddle's colour commentary with some Biggie classics off the pub's jukebox. Thereby replacing the unpleasant sound of a man talkin' shit with the pleasant sound of a man shit talkin'.

One for the Britz: Dave East's music is the Rap equivalent of Michael Owen's punditry.