Thursday, 30 June 2022

Generic list post: June 2022

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when I found out that the cassingle of Big Scoob's Champagne On The Block had an amazing front cover. Those of us who own the 12" got shafted.

Big Scoob - U Got It (2002)
Yung Joc - A Couple Grand (2006)
Monaleo - We Not Humping (2021)
Eatem ft. BR Cowboy - Magical (2022)
Duke Deuce ft. Glorilla - Just Say That (2022)
Homeboy Sandman - Fruit Day 1 (2022)
Consequence - Blood Stain (2022)
Westside Boogie ft. DRAM - AIGHT (2022)
P-Lo ft. Larry June - Good (2022)
Ezale - Hotel Motel (2022)
Knucks ft. Sainte - Playa (2022)

Other notables: I'm still not tryna hear G-Herbo soundalikes over Jersey Club beats but Asian Doll's song featuring Bandmanrill is hot like summertime with corduroys; Seiji Oda's What It Feel Like is a cool little stopgap song; as someone who has a soft spot for French Montana I didn't need him on a remix of the best U.K single of 2022.

PS: they were only Lil' like Chris, but I made a couple of playlists this month: five New York 12" songs I love and my top 5 NorCal Rap songs of 2022 so far.

PPS: I wouldn't necessarily say that Playa is one of my favourite songs on the Knucks album, but that chorus stays richochetting and reverberating around my head all day, so I've ended up listening to it more than the album's de facto best songs.

Wednesday, 29 June 2022

You were ALWAYS the bellhop, Mr. Ezale

Ezale - Hotel Motel
(From Hotel Motel single; 2022)

The Andrehick Hotel Motel has a new employee - heeeeeere's Ezay. I did say that Ezale songs tend to be different than the snippets suggest and, boy, is that true with this one because the I Get Around beat-switcheroo from teaser number two is now entirely slo-mo Screwed. WTF - the Pol Pot of the Pillionaire's Boys Club keeps pretzelling my pomegranate, man. Regardless, Ezale singles are always mini-movies in musical form. Gonna tell my kid this is The Shining.

Ezale caught the Furley Ghost with that Stupid Doo Doo Dumb moment @ 1:34. Best sittin' on the bog reveal scene in a music video since Tom DeLonge in Blink-182's All The Small Things.

Tuesday, 28 June 2022

Late pass!

"N*gga, stop talkin', just come suck it
When it's smoke, bet the opps gon' duck it
We kick smoke up, they kick buckets"

Monaleo - We Not Humping
(From We Not Humping single; 2021)

How come none of you fooken' humps told me about this song eh eh? Could end up being my favourite 2022 song which #actually dropped in December 2021. There's a recent remix of this with Flo Milli which is a better City Girls single than City Girls' latest single, but the remix ain't as satisfying as Monaleo's solo original. As D.W Griffiths' nearly said, all you need is a girl rhyming about her guns.

Other contenders for my favourite 2022 song which #actually dropped in December 2021: Sometimes by Tony Shhnow and Road To Riches by Yuno Miles.

Monday, 27 June 2022

Diamond D & The Psycho-Spiritual Neurotic

"Being a human being is abrasive
They throw you on the job without no orientation
It's not like everyday I need a standing ovation
Before I leave I'd like to leave a couple of traces
Roll the dice and move ahead a couple of spaces
Shed the fear of flying and defy limitation
Recognise the signs and their interpretation
Take an ancient science and apply innovation
I'm not one to make haste or stay patient
So every single day is like a paid vacation"

Homeboy Sandman - Fruit Day 1
(From I Can't Sell These album; 2022)

Marky Mark, The Mighty Ducks, Good Vibrations on my fave song from Homeboy Sandman's new Lost Tapes type album. Conclusive proof that every New York rapper of note should beatjack Diamond D's Freestyle (Yo That's That Shit) for a Lyrical Exercise song. But then, you knew that already if you've heard Sean Price's 60 Bar Dash, right?

Thursday, 23 June 2022

Born To Audiomack: Five N.Y Twelves

Here at The Martorialist we keep a stylus pen like a fiend keep a pipe with him, so here's another quick quinary of quality playlist. Revisiting Big Scoob's early 2000's singles has got me in the mood for some personal classic New York 12" singles, thus here's five songs I love like RZA & Kool G. Rap loved Cakes. Cool thing about this era of New York Rap is that everybody who was deep in them record racks and up on them webstores experienced shit differently, and so songs like Missin' Linx's Can't Be Stop or Lord Sear's Ya Mouth Stink might not have entered your orbit but they're both 5 Star General choonz to me.

1. Phil Blunts - On The Attack (1996)
2. Consequence - Rock N Roll (1997)
3. Blahzay Blahzay - Ice Grillz (2000)
4. B-1 ft. Large Professor - Put Yo' Self In My Place (2000)
5. Ayatollah ft. Rakim - A Cold Feeling (2002)

1. Phil Blunts' Yonkers classic On The Attack which should be a proper New York classic. N.Y drama-core that's so good it can make me overlook Phil's very #problematic line about rape.

2. Had a soft spot for Consequence ever since I heard Rock N Roll. Alongside ATCQ's The Jam, this is one of the best examples of late 90s clip-clop Dilla production imho.

3. Not a lotta people know this, but the second best song Blahzay Blahzay & P.F. Cuttin' ever recorded is Ice Grillz. Some mean-muggin' Brooklyn winter warz Rap.

4. B-1 is best known for his guest spots on Kool G. Rap's 4, 5, 6 album and his two singles on Rawkus Records, but for Q.B connoisseurs his true Dunn-Rap hall of fame tune is Put Yo' Self In My Place.

5. There were only two good things to come from Rakim's tenure with Aftermath Records: the Truth Hurts song he guested on and the Ayatollah banger A Cold Feeling. Supposedly recorded for The Wash soundtrack, it woulda sounded perfect on Kay Slay's first compilation.


Tuesday, 21 June 2022

Wanted dead or alive: Kryptonite by Big Scoob

Big Scoob's Kryptonite was a minor classic which rang out alongside Ante Up in summer 2000, but I've only ever seen it uploaded online as the instrumental. Perhaps Kryptonite is a true You Had To Be There™ tune: Big Daddy Kane's former back-up dancer dropping a Superman theme sampling indie single which became a Funkmaster Flex Tunnel Banger™ staple. Here in the U.K, Kryptonite was a rare example of a Westwood favourite which got love in Mr. Bongo by British backpackers who had their Jansports strapped too tight. Step Won came thru with the Ronaldinho to Rivaldo type assist, so I threw the MP3 up on Audiomack and Mediafire. Ya gun got dust in it from not bustin' it!

Big Scoob - Kryptonite
(From Kryptonite 12" single; 2000)

Be rude to leave you without another Big Scoob song to step to, so here's the lesser known U Got It. Scoob on some I Got It Made braggin' & boastin' over a certain Bobby Byrd break. U know the proto-Top Shelf 8/8/'88 steez.

Big Scoob - U Got It
(From U Got It single; 2002)

Anyone got an MP3 of Scoob's Say It Loud? Never heard it meself, but it could be cool if it's a JB sample.

Sunday, 19 June 2022

Did somebody say just Eat?

"It's so good it's magical, lemme put a spell on you
I know you got a n*gga, baby girl I ain't gon' tell on you
I don't need no honey pack, I don't pop no f*ckin' percs
Hit that ass from 9 to 5, lemme get that f*ckin' work"

Eatem ft. BR Cowboy - Magical
(From Magical single; 2022)

You know how Homeboy Sandman's Talking (Bleep) is just Conjugal Visit To The Prison Of The Mind re-tweaked with rhymes about pet peeves and a hook made from a wah-wah guitar sample? Eatem's Magical follows a similar trajectory: it's just Go Get Yo' F*ckin Brotha re-tweeked with rhymes about "your girlfriend" and a hook made from the BR Cowboy restaurant jingle & Russ Meyer sex EFX. No shotz @ Sandman or Eatem because there's nowt wrong with that in either instance - craftily re-tweaking your own songs is the 7th element of Rap music.

Props to Eatem's producer/former Down Bad member Mike Sneezy for making the aforementioned Russ Meyer sex EFX sound like Herbie Hancock's Watermelon Man. I'm not a Jazz guy, but I've loved that shit ever since I first heard it soundtracking Guy Mariano's G.O.A.T Sk8 video part.

You wanna go down? Why not. I'll be like Matt and Han' you a cock.

Friday, 17 June 2022

Count Dukeula

Duke Deuce ft. Glorilla - Just Say That
(From CRUNKSTAR album; 2022)

Been waiting on this one since a snippet appeared last summer. It sounds as Transylvanian as expected but arrives with two pleasant surprises: a Glorilla cameo and Duke dressed in Beethoven garb like Biz Markie in the Just A Friend video. Hat tip to Duke and Eatem for bringing the fun back to hardbody Rap.

Tuesday, 14 June 2022

W Boogie Wit Da Dickies

Westside Boogie ft. DRAM - AIGHT
(From AIGHT single; 2022)

This has to be the first good Shady Records single since... since.... since..... who even knows? AIGHT's appeal: it inadvertently sounds like Nef The Pharoah made a Kendrick Lamar song. Or rather, it's some type shit unintentionally disguised as some type shit. A happy accident where Big Tymin' meets Big Steppers.

DRAM changed his name to Shelley FKA DRAM but let's not indulge him. Son, you're DRAM AKA the Cha Cha guy.

Monday, 13 June 2022

My Mind Spray 3.5

Can I say shit? Do it for Matthew Africa, do it for Gary Warnett.

It's no coincidence that E-40 and Boosie's music both took a turn for the worse when they stopped wearing premium LVC Levi's jeans and switched to ugly distressed Eurotrash denim with ridges on the knees. You can't be an American outlaw when you're dressed like a Spanish footballer.

Hurricane Chris is making a comeback via a Jersey Club remix of Ay Bay Bay that's blown up on TikTok. Personally, I can't wait until the Jersey Club community discover ReUp Reedy's For That Dick.

Hyperpop is just Chicago Bop for posh people and paedophiles. You can't tell me shit to the contrary because A.G Cook & all them P.C Music toffs had never heard Rap music until Fact Magazine posted a Sicko Mobb video. I also betcha 100 Gecs had never heard Rap music until Pitchfork reviewed DJ Moondawg's We Invented The Bop Vol. 1 mixtape.

For decades, "yeah, but it bangs on the dancefloor tho!" was a mostly accurate gauge for judging Rap music. Then KanYe Pest's Stronger made it an unreliable barometer before Drake's career and Godawful shite like A$AP Ferg's Shabba rendered it an utterly useless measuring stick.

When you're in the pub watching a football match on BT Sport there's no better feeling than drowning out Glenn Hoddle's colour commentary with some Biggie classics off the pub's jukebox. Thereby replacing the unpleasant sound of a man talkin' shit with the pleasant sound of a man shit talkin'.

One for the Britz: Dave East's music is the Rap equivalent of Michael Owen's punditry.

Friday, 10 June 2022

There's Consequences to this shit

"Goin' through shit, that's a part of life
Growin' through shit, that's the part I like"

Consequence - Blood Stain
(From Blood Stain single; 2022)

The return of Rap's official G.O.A.T weed carrier (though he was none too pleased to accept the title.) And over a KanYe Pest beat which is hard enough to rattle Consequence's proto-Rylan dentures. Surprisingly good, but maybe I shouldn't be so surprised since Cons rapping over KanYe production has been a G.O.O.D Combination™ since their pre-College Dropout back-and-forths like The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and Take It As A Loss. Plus, can't forget the ultimate solo ConYe track which doubles as one of the best The 'Hood Done Took Me Under (Its Wing) songs of the 2000s.

Consequence - Don't Forget 'Em
(From Don't Quit Your Day Job album; 2007)

**EDIT** added the Blood Stain video because it features Consequence practicing blackbelt-level Rap Hands on a Martian beach. Makes sense he has a such a strong Rap-Hands game because the first video he ever appeared in was the Rap-Hands equivalent of Citizen Kane.

Monday, 6 June 2022

I'm a graffiti artist - paint, chalk, outline

"First I tell 'em, where I want it done
In his backyard right in front of his son
Then I tell 'em, where to drop him off
In the Chattahoochie with his dick chopped off
Yeah, it sounds harsh, but it's well deserved
Feed his ass to the Sharks for hors d'oeuvres
No remorse, and no pity
This could happen to you in New Joc City"

Yung Joc - A Couple Grand
(From the Atlanta underground; 2006)

File this under 'beatjacks which are better than the originals.' Yung Joc was always more of a Juvenile than a Jeezy and his flow on this shit is pure New Orleans. I remember Rey turning his nose up at Yung Joc's Bad Boy Records debut album like "I prefer his underground shit" and this beatjack of Shawty Lo's I'm Da Man is Joc's equivalent of Mase's pre-Bad Boy Murda Ma$e Children Of The Corn material. Cot-damn, this song is wicked and plz believe that's wicked meaning evil. If there's a Hell below then Joc is possibly gonna go as a result of this one.

In Shawn Prez's recent VladTV interview with Yung Joc, Joc mentions a pre-Bad Boy local hit of his called Thousand Ones. Alas the only trace I can find of it online is in a Billboard magazine article. Anyone got the MP3?

Friday, 3 June 2022

New York's alright if you like slam-poetry elevator muzak

P-Lo ft. Larry June - Good
(From Good single; 2022)

First new P-Lo single of 2022. Conclusive proof that Bay Area Rap is one of the only sources of Real Hip-Hop™ left: there's more scratching on this than there is on any New York Rap song of 2022.

Bonus beats: lemme put 5 on it with a quinary of quality. Mini playlist of my top 5 favourite NorCal Rap songs of 2022 so far. I'm bumpin' Young Jr, Seiji Oda and Ezale like duh duh duh, plus Stunnaman02 & Lil' Kayla like duh duh duh, and A-Wax's Woodie homage like duh duh duh.

Young Jr - Bird Walk
Seiji Oda - WAKE UP
Ezale - Ironic
Stunnaman02 ft. Lil' Kayla - Roll Wit It
A-Wax - Streets Callin'

Tuesday, 31 May 2022

Generic list post: May 2022

My m8 caught Monkeypox. Luckily the doctor has gibbon him a strong chance of a full recovery.
Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when the Rap internet gave me a headache. A battle of (half)wits between "you MUST listen to Kendrick Lamar" guys and "I DON'T listen to Kendrick Lamar" guys. Personally, I need Silent Hill to be Lamar's next single so I can continue to call him the highfalutin Kid Ink: a good singles rapper who makes tediously bloated albums.

6 Shot - Cutthroat (2001)
Seiji Oda - Like This (album version) (2022)
Eatem - Cup Of Tea (2022)
Hitkidd & Glorilla - FNF (Let's Go) (2022)
Kendrick Lamar ft. Kodak Black - Silent Hill (2022)
Benzz - Je M'appelle (2022)
Knucks ft. SL - Nice & Smooth (2022)
Mr. Fingers - Coastline Paradox (2022)
Martin Slavin - Space Adventures Part 2 (1966)

Other notables: Phat Baby's Proper Play is a good bad-energy song; Kenzo B's Bump It might be the most notable Pulp Fiction soundtrack-core song since Hollywood Holt's The Show; Husalah's new song is more like an intro than a single; the same is true of Nef The Pharoah's Tattooed which could have been super sick if he'd bothered to turn it into a proper song.

Other stuff: peep me on Rap's G.O.A.T lost loosies. Also peep Party Sparty on his favourite movie soundtrack songs from 1957 to 2020 and Caroline Munro's best movie roles.

Monday, 30 May 2022

Phatman Returns Part 2

"Look in the sky - it's a bird, it's a plane, no it's his soul
Tell the doctor the pallbearer put ya picture on they clothes"

Phat Baby - Proper Play (FWS)
(From Profit Off My Pain album; 2022)

It seems like Baton Rouge caught the holy ghost of Lil' Phat judging by Eatem's recent homage and this Phat Baby single. Damn, this shit is colder than the White Witch of Narnia's tit. A good bad-energy song with murder raps so foul I need to listen to something positive and wholesome afterwards to restore my moralbiotic balance. Ricky D to the rescue:

"So listen, be strong, scream whoopee-doo
Go for yours 'cause dreams come true
And you'll make your mommy so so proud of you too
And this is a message that the Ruler Rick threw"

Slick Rick - Hey Young World
(From The Great Adventures Of Slick Rick album; 1988)

PS: Instagram informs me that LL Cool J's Bigger and Deffer album was 35 years old yesterday. To celebrate can we get his performance of Go Cut Creator Go on Saturday Night Live back on YouTube?

Saturday, 28 May 2022

Larry Heard 'Em Say

Mr. Fingers - Coastline Paradox
(From Around The Sun album; 2022)

That's me the first time I heard this new Larry track. Talk about a Coastline Paradox - I started seein' Saturn in Blackpool. House music all life long in this solar system.

Thursday, 26 May 2022

2-17 'til Infinity

Mr. 2-17 - Strong Arm Flexxin'
(From Know What I'm Sayin' Pt 2 mixtape; 2014)

I want to live in a world where people love Strong Arm Flexxin' as much as Walked In. The two G.O.A.T plink-plink-plonk piano Swag-Rap songs of the 2010s and Mr. 2-17 produced the pair of them. Might start a petition to get 1Up Society's Strong Arm Flexxin' dance video reuploaded to YouTube.

Tuesday, 24 May 2022

Glorillas In The Midst

Hitkidd & Glorilla - FNF (Let's Go)
(From FNF (Let's Go) single; 2022)

He's The producer, she's the rapper. Some insanely 'ard Memphis shit that's best described as BlocGal JB or Daisy Deuce. Found this via Yung Cat's remix of it dissing his baby-mamma & her new boyfriend.

Yung Cat - I'm Outside TBF (FNF remix)
(From YouTube; 2022)

Monday, 23 May 2022

In The Woods

"Bossed up but I'm still bummy
Say you real, yeah, that's real funny
You ain't fam, can't get shit from me
All 2020 finna go dummy"

Seiji Oda - Like This
(From the internet; 2020 + lofi // HYPHY album; 2022)

Finally one of Seiji Oda's best songs has a video. One of his most important songs too since AERO, Like This and BLUE were the genesis of his golden hour gentle giggin' sound. As for the video, it's all about that green for them Boyz-n-the-Wood. A lotta these new NorCal rappers' whole style is outdated, f*ck being hard, Seiji Oda is conservation-orientated.

Bonus beats: where's the WAKE UP video at? Your favourite rapper would never have the vision to drop the top and ventilate their third eye with a visor bucket hat.

Seiji brought a whole different odour to Bay Area Rap, ya smell me? It's some Yin & Ylang-Ylang cosmic harmony: burnin' rubber holdin' choppas whilst burnin' Nag Champa realigning his seven chakras. Or sumfink lol.

Wednesday, 18 May 2022

Generic list post: G.O.A.T lost loosies

Martibus is back up in a room with 1000 candles lit, meditating on this Rap shit. Who's down to talk G.O.A.T lost loosies? Let's define lost loosies as songs which have never appeared on any album/mixtape/EP and have never made it to any DSP or MP3 store. What we're looking for here is MP3s from the Zshare/Hulkshare/Digital Dripped eras, MySpace page tracks, YouTube-only singles, original versions which remain in official purgatory, Soundcloud exclusives, and songs from stupid rare boutique vinylz 7" singles which have unofficially found their way online. Here's some personal favourites.

Black Rob - New York (2006)
The Jacka - Heavy Rain (2007)
Max B - Take A Flick (2007)
YG - Aim Me (2008)
3 Deep - Say What I Wanna Say (2008)
Prodigy - Raining Guns & Shanks (2008)
Jackie Chain ft. Jhi-Ali - Rollin' (O.G version) (2008)
Witchdoctor - Rich & Poor (2009)
ABN - Rain (O.G version) (2008)
Crime Mob - What Is Love? (2008)
The Cool Kids ft. Lil' Wayne - Gettin' It (2008)
Lil' Boosie - Top To The Bottom (2009)
Beeda Weeda - Bassrock Babies (O.G version) (2010)
Consequence - Alphabet Boys (2010)
Fam-Lay ft. Project Pat - Money Makin' Trick (2011)
King Louie - We Like To Party (2011)
Fat Trel - Rolling (2011)
Mic Terror - Heaux Love Me (2012)
Pablo Skywalkin - All Facts (2013)
K Kutta - Lum Lum (O.G version) (2013)
Kurious - Best In The World (2014)
Lil' Chris - Gods Crying (2015)
22nd Letter - Blunt On Me (2015)
MF DOOM & Madlib - Avalanche (2016)
White Gzus ft. GLC - G Is For Green (2016)
OMB Peezy - Loyalty Over Love (2017)
Lil' Wayne - Dinnertime (2007/2017)
Ya Boy Big Choo - Halloween Beat (2017)
Flo Milli - White Girl Mia (2018)
Edan - Real Bad Promo (2018)
Valee - Allat (2018)
Eatem ft. Lil' Larry - Hit Da Drink Twice (2019)
Seiji Oda - House Shoes (2021)
Homeboy Sandman - Yup, Do It! (2021)

Shine some light on your favourites, folks - don't let shit go dark here. The type of dark that makes a house haunted, the type of dark that bloggers get lost in, the type of dark you fear when you dead in a coffin.

Monday, 16 May 2022

Nice & Good, not Nice & Smooth

"You already know what the brand is, so overlooked but they don't understand it
But understand I'm a bandit, I'm takin' their Lamb and I'm makin' a banquet"

Knucks ft. SL - Nice & Good
(From Alpha Place album; 2022)

On one hand, this is a MOBO Award winner type U.K Drill song. On the other hand, I like the London Posse type back-and-forth between Knucks & SL over the Pot Noodle Western high noon stare-down production. Verdict: I ain't gonna front on this tune just because Knucks is an Alexis Petridis-bait artist. Bonus points for avoiding my biggest pet peeve with U.K Rap - British men using the words feds and bando.

Okay, that's quite enough U.K choonz for now..... unless J Hus drops some hot new shit, natch.

Thursday, 12 May 2022

Stunted Taylor

Lil' Chris - God Crying
(From the internet; 2015)

In the popular parlance of the youth, this shit still floats. Tropical rainforest riddim polyphonic Rap. Lil' Chris' best song imho and I might even go as far as saying that it's a top ten lost loosie of last decade. It's a pity Lil' Chris is remembered for Bop Like Me because it wasn't even his best Bop song let alone his best song full stop. Obviously Lil' Chris should be remembered for songs like Gods Crying, Same Shit, Different Day and Bad Lil' Chick instead.

Lil' Chris - Same Shit, Different Day
(From the internet; 2012)

Lil' Chris - Bad Lil' Chick
(From Made It Thru The Struggle mixtape; 2015)

For better and for worse, "pussy smell good like detergent" is a lyric which is forever imprinted onto my brain. Chicago's equivalent of "she cook, she clean, never smell like onion rings" or wot?

Monday, 9 May 2022

Benzz or Beaker

Benzz - Je M'appelle
(From Je M'appelle single; 2022)

Hit up my m8's bar this past weekend and the DJ was playing big U.K Drill choonz. The younger patrons loved that shit, but it's the driest music in the world to me, especially when you hear multiple songs with THAT annoying flow in a row. So when the DJ played Benzz's Je M'appelle it was like finding a Strawberry Split in the Sahara desert. As with HAZEY's Packs and Potions, U.K Drill only makes sense to me when it breaks free from THAT annoying flow over beats which sound like they were produced by Donae'O. Okay, it's a Destination Calibria sample on Je M'appelle, but it sounds like Donae'O made a riddim with it dunnit?

One of the main things U.K Drill and New York Drill have in common is that they're both best when they embrace the fact that they're glorified novelty Rap. That's why WAKA and Beeper are the best N.Y Drill choonz no competition.

Sunday, 8 May 2022

Electronic Warfare

Cybotron - Clear
(From Clear single; 1983)

Yeah, Juan Atkin's Cybotron is cool but have you ever heard Martin Slavin's Cybermen theme from 1960s Doctor Who? True story: it was #actually a piece of stock music called Space Adventures Part 2 which Doctor Who's producers at the BBC licenced throughout the late 1960s to soundtrack the Cybermen in scenes like this. Imagine hearing some crazy space shit that don't make no sense like this as a kid in 1966 or 1967! To paraphrase Juelz Santana, this shit sound like it's from another galaxy. The BBC stayed terrifying children on multiple levels, not all of them noncey.

Martin Slavin - Space Adventures Part 2
(From various Doctor Who episodes; 1966 onwards)

Martin Slavin had 60's electronic shit more John Blaze than Karlheinz Stockhausen and ain't shit recognised by blokes who read The Wire magazine.

Wednesday, 4 May 2022

Earl Grey Sweatshirt

"Hol' up, I'm aggravating, you can never relax
Hit you with the flyswatter, bitch, you ain't never been gnat"

Eatem - Cup Of Tea
(From Unreleased Eat album; 2022)

Been so preoccupied with Go Get Yo F*ckin' Brotha and Lil' Phat Flow that I forgot to keep myself hydrated with Cup Of Tea. Eatem been whoopin' tracks since adolescence, this song goes dumb like all his teachers shoulda added lessons.

BAPE's been a teenagers and tourists brand for a looooooong time now, but rappers stay up inside them Sharks like Felix Leiter's legs or LL Cool J's parrot.

Tuesday, 3 May 2022

Shinola songs from the shittiest artists (part 3)

Babylon back in business, can I get a witness? Nobody's favourite Martorialist series returns for a 3rd installment.

House Of Pain - Shamrocks And Shenanigans
(From House Of Pain album; 1992)

Has a rapper ever suffered a more embarrassing identity crisis than Everlast? My man went from slangin' pizza pies to drankin' Guinness pints to singin' like Wooden Guthrie to rebranding himself as Necro & Ill Bill's Uncle Doughie. Shamrocks And Shenanigans manages to cram every awful Plastic Paddy 'Murican cliche into a single song, but but I'm always willing to suffer its many sins for the payoff of that chorus over DJ Muggs' beat. Plus, unlike Jump Around, it hasn't suffered the indignity of being used as entrance music for one of the most miserable bastards in Darts.

Robbie Williams - Rock DJ
(From some Robbie Williams album; 2000)

Could Stoke's most irksome boy-band singer do it on a metaphorical cold night at the Britannia Stadium? Yes, but only when his songwriting genius svengali Guy Chambers composed a ladult PJ & Duncan song for the former Fat Dancer From Take That™. 99% of Robbie Williams songs would be vastly improved if they were sung by anybody other than Williams. To his absolute credit, Rock DJ is the 1% which couldn't have been sung by anybody other than Williams.

Krept & Konan ft. Jeremih - Freak Of The Week
(From The Long Way Home album; 2015)

How did a Derek C & Derek D like Krept & Konan procure themselves a Jeremih hook and DJ Mustard's remake of the mighty Playground Riddim? It's a mystery, Scooby Doo. Tbf, it's a good job they did because Mustard's beat might have ended up in Tyga's clutches and there isn't a soul on Earth who wanted a reprise of his Coconut Juice fake-Rastamon patois. One of the very few instances where British Rap did it better.

Saturday, 30 April 2022

Generic list post: April 2022

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Pusha T reminded me that he's now an overwrought bore who was only good at sounding nonchalant over Neptunes beats next to his brother back in the noughties.

6 Shot - Jockamo (2001)
Natural Elements - Vroom Nemix (2017)
Stunnaman02 - Gut Check (2020)
Seiji Oda - WAKE UP (2022)
Ezale - Ironic (2022)
A-Wax - Streets Callin' (2022)
Homeboy Sandman - A! (2022)
Eatem - Lil' Phat Flow (2022)
Young Bleed - Dat' Water (2022)
Cookiee Kawaii - Fly Away (2022)
Laa Lee ft. Christale - Bong Bing (2022)
Real Lies - Dream On (2022)

Other notables: also a big fun of Stunnaman02 & Lil' Kayla's new N.OrCal Bounce back-and-forth Roll Wit' It; I think Universe is the first Mouse On Tha Track & BeatKing collaboration since Lumba; Duke Deuce's new single sounds like late-career Linkin Park lmfao.

Also wrote about beats I wish Slick Rick had got, dropped a list of my favourite beatjacks ever, and paid tribute to Dezzy Dez Slay.

Thursday, 28 April 2022

Ring Ring Ring (Ha Ha Hey)

"Wasn't exaggerating at all sayin' I'm heartless
Before my album hit the charts I was just hittin' targets"

A-Wax - Streets Callin'
(From the upcoming Woodie World album; 2022)

... and speaking of beatjacks, how very apt that A-Wax remaking Woodie's The Streets Are Callin' Me has got me interested in 'Wax's new music. As soon as Suge hear this here, he gon' know it, man - the vibe is here to bring the real A-Wax back. He's doing a full Woodie homage album so there's a very real possibility we may get A-Wax over the cheap Cruel Summer facsimile of Norte Sidin'.

Bananarama - Cruel Summer
(From High Life album; 1983)

Yo KanYe Pest, I'm really happy for you and I'ma let you finish, but Bananarama had the best Cruel Summer of all time etc etc. From London to Los Angeles, please believe Brooklyn was in the house too.

Tuesday, 26 April 2022

Generic list post: Rapper's Gaffilin'

Thievery is the very essence of Hip-Hop, with stealing being the first element of Rap music. So, it was inevitable Rap would evolve from replaying other people's tracks, to sampling bits of other people's tracks, to straight jackin' other people's entire tracks. True beatjacks don't feature any contribution from the people who originally recorded the tracks; thus, songs like Juvenile & Mannie's Set It Off, Dipset & Master P's Bout It Bout It Part III and DJ Jazzy Jeff & Peedi Crakk's Brand New Funk 2k7 are música non grata in the official Martorialist top 40 beatjacks list right chea. A great beatjack doesn't necessarily have to be better than the song it jacked, it just needs the new author to stamp their own imprint on it.

Ice Cube - Check Yo Self remix (1993)
Dru Down - Can You Feel Me (1996)
Notorious B.I.G - B.I.G (Interlude) (1997)
Sporty Thievz - No Pigeons (1999)
Craig Mack - Please Listen To My Demo (1999)
Thirstin Howl III ft. Rack Lo - John They're Stealing Part 1 (1999)
G-Unit - EMS (2002)
Ms. Kane - I Ain't The One (2002)
N.O.R.E - Colors (2002)
E-40, San Quinn, B-Legit & Richie Rich - Timin' (2002)
Ghostface Killah - Heard It All Before (2002)
Sean Price - It's My Time (2003)
KanYe West ft. Consequence - '03 Electric Relaxation (2003)
Fam-Lay - Nike Freestyle (2003)
State Property ft. ODB - When You Hear That (2003)
AZ - I Am AZ (2002)
Z-Ro - Mo City Don (Freestyle) (2005)
J. Valentine & Bailey - Go Dumb (I'm Sprung Bay remix) (2006)
Lil' Wayne - Georgia... Bush (2006)
Max B - Dem Boys (2006)
Lakey The Kid - Death Row Is Back (2006)
Curren$y - Reagan Era (2008)
Jadakiss - Welcome To The Roc (2008)
Big Tuck ft. Fat Bastard - Not A Stain On Me (2008)
Giggs - Talkin' Da Hardest (2008)
Lil B - Good Morning (2009)
French Montana & Max B - It Gotta Be (2009)
Lil' Boosie - I Ain't Mad At Cha (2009)
A-Wax - Dead People (2010)
Mysonne - In Jail (2011)
$tarlito - Lil' Boosie Out (2011)
Ezale - Too High (2013)
Kap G - Vato Freestyle (2014)
Dreezy - Chiraq remix (2014)
OMB Peezy - Lay Down (2017)
Flo Milli - Beef FloMix (2019)
Duke Deuce - Crunk Ain't Dead (2019)
Dee-1 - Corona Clap (2020)
Pop Smoke - Armed N Dangerous (2020)
Aesop Rock & Homeboy Sandman - Ask Anyone (2021)

Now, I wouldn't say Dem Boys is the G.O.A.T Max B beatjack, but it is his most miraculous since he transformed the W.O.A.T Eminem song into something Wavy.

Monday, 25 April 2022

From Islington to Ibiza

Real Lies - Dream On
(From Lad Ash album; 2022)

More British kitchen-sink melancholy meets Balearic dancefloor magic. Real Lies dropped their new album this past friday and Dream On is the song on there which comes close to rivalling Boss Trick. Never could have imagined that Pet Shop Boys as fronted by Giggs and produced by Alex Palmer from V4Visions Records would be a sound which tickles my fancy but here we are again. Roger Lloyd Pack is dead, but Trigger's dulcet monotone still rings out in the London air.

Friday, 22 April 2022

Kush & O' Jays

"If I take another hit I'll forget ya name, but we high so she can't complain
Now I'm finna run a train when I'm wit' Mary Jane and it's crazy she was thinkin' the same"

Ezale - Ironic
(From Ironic single; 2022)

Well, this is different than the snippet suggested innit? Then again, the same was true of Day Ones and We Want Some Pussy, so it's best to disregard yer prior assumptions with Ezale singles. The subject of Ironic is weed, but this shit sounds as jittery as a Messy Marv interview. Thus, Ironic is a sniffer's song in smoker's song clothing.

Ezale videos always go XXXtra in the best way. That's the paradox of Ezale - he's the legit dirtbag rapper who makes his NorCal peers look like lazy bums with their presentation. Remember when he used the All It Take video as an audition to replace Daniel Craig as the next James Bond? Potential titles for Ezale Bond movies: You Only Thizz Once and The Man With The Golden Blunt.

Wednesday, 20 April 2022

Duality of man: R.I.P Dezzie Dez AKA DJ Kay Slay

Biiiiiitch, stop talkin' that shit and trick Dezzie Dez his outfit
He wants some plaid Levi's like Lil' Slim told ya.
Belated rest in peace to Harlem's (drama) king of tartan turn-ups DJ Kay Slay AKA the artist formerly known as Dez. A legend in two games like Andrey Arshavin or wot? Or rather, a legend in two entirely separate lanes of Hip-Hop in two entirely separate eras. Personally, I can't listen to Duke Bootee & Melle Mel's The Message without hearing/seeing Dez and Kase2 rapping the song to each other on the train platform in Style Wars. Similarly, there's songs I first heard on Kay Slay mixtapes which would later sound incomplete without his ad libbed bellowing on them. To paraphrase the big man himself ONLY KAY SLAY COULDA DONE THAT, YO!

Kay Slay's own compilation albums often tended to answer questions which nobody had ever asked, questions such as what would Papoose, Yung Joc & Chamillionaire sound like on the same song? But wedged between the mismatched posse cuts of rappers who should never share song-space there were always exclusive gems. Here's ten nuggets of gold from them there DJ Kay Slay compilation albums.

50 Cent - 50 Shot Ya (2003)
Mobb Deep ft. Big Noyd - Get Shot The F**k Up (2003)
Cam'Ron ft. Chinky Brown Eyes - Harlem (2004)
LL Cool J - The Truth (2004)
Three 6 Mafia, Lil' Wyte & Frayser Boy - Who Gives A F**k Where You From (2004)
Three 6 Mafia ft. BG - Hood Drug Wars (2006)
Twista & Speedknot Mobstaz - Knock 'Em Out (2006)
Cam'Ron ft. Juelz Santana - Father Forgive Us (2004/2007)
Pastor Troy - Just Me (2007)
AZ, Raekwon & Ghostface - See The Light (2010)

Let's not remember Kay Slay's late-career for giving Papoose a second wind. Instead, let's remember Slay's late-career for being the only DJ to play A-Mafia songs on New York radio. Here's hoping Heaven got an easily accessible train yard packed with pristine wholecars for Dez to bomb. Here's also hoping Heaven got Black Rob waiting with a USB stick of unreleased songs Slay can bellow casual threats to bitchass DJ over.

Tuesday, 19 April 2022

Phatman Returns

Eatem - Lil' Phat Flow
(From Lil' Phat Flow single; 2022)

Pardon the Phat talk Rap tourettes. Doctor Eatemstein reactivates and reanimates the dearly departed Trill Fam young'n Lil' Phat. This one combines what I liked about Lil' Phat with what I like about Eatem in the SAME DAMN SONG! The result: Martorialist catnip in toto.

Bonus beats: the Lil' Phat legit jam which should have been a legit hit is Talk Some Mo' Shit. The world would have been a more fun place if this song was as big as Independent. That shit lived a private life when it shoulda been all in the mix.

Lil' Phat ft. Mannie Fresh - Talk Some Mo' Shit
(From Never Use A Pen Again mixtape; 2011)

Sunday, 17 April 2022

Be a father to Tha Camp

Young Bleed - Dat' Water
(From Dare' Iza' God album; 2022)

Best Bleed song in a Louisiana minute, love his sleepy uncle drawl on the hook. Young Bleed flipping Hamilton Bohannon's Singing A Song For My Mother into a Pentecostal preacherman baptism Rouge anthem is such a no brainer idea that I can't believe it hasn't happened until now. Shout out the apostles, God forgives Baton Rouge rappers with rogue apostrophes.

Hamilton Bohannon - Singing A Song For My Mother
(From Stop & Go album; 1973)

Name me a better mum song than Hamilton Bohannon's masterpiece. I'll wait.

Friday, 15 April 2022

Hits from the Bong

Laa Lee ft. Christale - Bong Bing
(From Bong Bing single; 2022)

Talk about So International - a Jamaican lad and a London lass make an Afro-Bashment choon that's big with dancers on social media. Never would have guessed Christale is the Militant girl because she sounds so different here freed from the constraints of that stupid U.K Drill flow.

And in completely unrelated news, here's a brand new Ezale snippet. Word around (Funk)town, this song and Hotel Motel are dropping together on Nevuary 1st.

**EDIT** oh Ezale dropped Ironic.

Tuesday, 12 April 2022

They Shouldn't Have Got It: 5 beats Slick Rick should have got instead

B-Fats - The B-Fats (1987)
The Show gave careers to Slick Rick and Teddy Riley, so it's a pity they didn't work together again in the late 80s. The B-Fats was a 1987 Rooftop classic for B-Fats, but in Slick Rick's hands it could have been an all-time classic full stop.

Vicious ft. Doug E. Fresh - Freaks (1994)
On one hand, Freaks is the G.O.A.T babby-dancehall song. On the other hand, every Doug E. Fresh beatbox backing track should have gone to MC Rickoi D, and, yes, that includes Virgo.

Fat Joe ft. Krs One - Bronx Tale (1995)
One of Diamond D's most sublime productions deserved far better than Fat Joe's autocued grunting and KRS One rhyming about cum-splattered Rap magazines. Why why why didn't Diamond save this beat for Slick Rick's post-prison comeback?

Jeru The Damaja - Not The Average (1996)
If only Doctor Who would go back in time to 1996 during the recording of Jeru The Damaja's second album and tell DJ Premier to stash the beats for Not The Average, Ya Playin' Yaself and Me Or The Papes until Slick Rick came home from prison. TBF, Jeru did kill Not The Average, but he has such a finger-wagging puritanical tone that the song would be drastically improved if it were performed word-for-ford by Rick instead.

Reflection Eternal - The Blast (2000)
Only Talib Kweli's own mum could possibly prefer him over this beat to Slick Rick the ruler. Rick and DJ Hi-Tek could keep Vinia Mojica on the track doing the backing vocals, but have her singing RICKY instead of KWELI.

Saturday, 9 April 2022

Birds Fly South

Cookiee Kawaii - Fly Away
(From Fly Away single; 2022)

Cookiee Kawaii - Is U Mad!?
(From Is U Mad!? single; 2022)

More proof that good things come in twos like boobs: Cookiee Kawaii has dropped two singles so far this month... and they bump! Fly Away is the post-lockdown sequel to Vacation on the JeR&Bsey Club tip; and Is U Mad!? is Hip-House with a 70% Hip-Hop/30% House ratio. Both songs are exactly what I want from a visit to the Jersey Club shore.

People tell me I should listen to Bandmanrill and other rappers who use Jersey Club beats, but I use Jersey Club artists like Cookiee Kawaii and UNiiQU3 as a partial detox from Rap music. Thus, the absolute last thing I wanna hear over Jersey Club production is another G-Herbo soundalike lad.

Thursday, 7 April 2022

Plenty of Oda fish in the sea (part 4)

Seiji Oda - WAKE UP
(From lofi // HYPHY album; 2022)

Seiji Oda stays doin' what cool breezes of fresh air do: while other rappers are making music soundtracking livin' in the project, Metal Neck Oda is making music soundtracking life in the Eden Project. Slap-Selago in bloom all year round at Seiji's hanging botanical garden of Babylon.

Sunday, 3 April 2022

Acid(ophilus) Rap

"I ran into your bitch and she looked mesmerised
I look into your eyes and you looked petrified
Dumbfounded! Ambushed! Bamboozled!
Is how these n*ggas feel when they find out I ain't losin'"

Stunnaman02 - Gut Check
(From Still Winnin' album; 2020)

Get ya probiotic game up if ya stomach's spidey-senses ain't tingling right. An older song by the Big Steppin' guys Stunnaman02 & QuakeBeatz that's as good as Big Steppin' IMHO. Primal scream piano-slap, and when I say primal scream I thankfully ain't talkin' about Bobby Gillespie, boiiiiiii.

Bonus beats: free them guys on the inside, Stunnaman02 & his saxophonist m8 were them guys outside performing Gut Check live on the block during quarantine 2020. Ban ALL buskers except saxophonists no IMHO necessary.

Bonus bonus beats: Stunnaman02 & Lil' Kayla's recent N.OrCal Bounce back-and-forth is my shit too. Kayla says they dont rap they just speak facts, but I'm unconvinced by Stunnaman02's claim that a booty has ever tasted like Skittles. Peanut M&M's maybe...

Stunnaman02 ft. Lil' Kayla - Roll Wit' It
(From Stunnaman02 & Drew Banga's IT'S BIG album; 2022)

In conclusion: Big Steppin', Gut Check, and Roll Wit' It are the sort of music I wish D-Lo were making nowadays.

Friday, 1 April 2022

Alphabet Boy

Lucas Moura is a professional footballer who plays for Tottenham Hotspur and the Brazil national team.
"My mother used to tell me that there's plenty of fish in the sea
But why play anybody else when you can listen to me?
There hasn't been a threat to mention since I stepped on the scene
So, I'm off to save a cat that's stuck in a tree"

Homeboy Sandman - A!
(From A! single; 2022)

New Sandman loosie. Same considerably more egghead-than-you vybz as his latest EP, but much more pleasing to my ear here. I ain't gonna sit here and pretend there's any intellectually or musically rich reason for this - I just enjoy him saying "A! A! A! A! A! A!" in his funny Rammellzee voice over a beat that's all bass like Clear Lake fishing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Really doe, "find you a predilection, make it to an addiction" is some A+ game.

Wednesday, 30 March 2022

Generic list post: March 2022

Ice-T - Lethal Weapon
(From The Iceberg/Freedom of Speech... Just Watch What You Say! album; 1989)

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when I found out that the metal band onstage in Ice-T's Lethal Weapon video weren't some random heshers but a pre-fame Pantera. Not that I give a shit about Pantera. But still.

Edan - Beautiful Food (2001)
Wavy Bagels - Slice (2022)
Seiji Oda - How U Doin'? (2020)
Seiji Oda - Aero3 (2022)
Yuno Miles - Road To Riches (2021)
Yuno Miles - Find My Legs (2021)
Tisakorean - Pocket Fulla Ducks (2022)
Endangered Species - Endangered Species (1991)
Ashaye - Dreaming (Jungle mix) (1994)
The Chats - Struck By Lightning (2022)

Other notables: Agallah literally beat the rest of Rap to the punch by dropping the first Will Smith/Chris Rock song; Stunnaman02 & QuakeBeatz's Big Steppin' definitely has legs because it's nearly 12 months old and E-40 and P-Lo only recently hopped on a remix; Mac J sorta remade Brotha Lynch Hung's Refuse To Lose; I made it through about 50 seconds of Ma$e's five minute Auto-Tune dis song to Puffy, so props to anyone who managed to sit through the whole thing.

Tuesday, 29 March 2022

Late pass!

Ashaye - Dreaming (Jungle mix)
(From Dreaming 12" single; 1994)

Oh gosh indeed. Wot a wonderful song to discover this spring morning. Pardon the pun, but the Junglist Massive failed this choon massively because it's gotta be one of the G.O.A.T Lover's Jungle songs. They started seein' balearic sunsets in Battersea?

Sunday, 27 March 2022

Pizzas Of A Man

Wavy Bagels - Slice
(From Slice single; 2022)

Evidently Edan has got me craving songs about food. I ain't ate pizza one time since '99, but Wavy Bagels' Slice makes my heart melt like chicken cordon bleu. Some cheese-dream smooth shit with a video which puts a new spin on 'getting dough'.

It's not that I hate pizza, I'm just ambivalent about it as a food. On the upside, it has some great toppings. On the downside, it doesn't.

Thursday, 24 March 2022

The Producers (no Mel Brooks)

Another reason why Seiji Oda is a cool breeze of fresh air: most rappers nowadays can barely be bothered to credit their producers, but Seiji is up on Instagram creating special videos featuring cameos from all the producers who contributed something to his latest single Aero3. He even lists their favourite scran on some "look at all this beautiful food" type shit.

Edan - Beautiful Food
(From Sprain Your Tapedeck EP; 2001/ YouTube; 2012)

True story: it was this fan-made video which finally made me a fan of Beautiful Food after all these years. Thus, it's gotta be one of my favourite fan-made clips alongside this video for Max B's Where Do I Go?, this video for The Pharcyde's Officer, these two videos for both parts of Ice Cube's Gangsta's Fairytale, this video for Agallah's Crookie Monster, Donal's video for Rated X's Be Cool To Your Girl, and the classic spoof of Juelz & Cam's Dipset (Santana's Town).

In hella random fan-made video news, someone recently created a fully animated clip for Cougnut's Scandlous from the second I.M.P album. Like Terry in the first Final Destination movie, I didn't see that one coming.

Monday, 21 March 2022

My Mind Spray 3

I want to live in a world where social media celebrity shitheads shill for Young Jr's Bird Walk rather than those two boring songs by Young Slo-Be.

Thinking about what the first great Rap remix was and my pick would be BDP's Remix For P Is Free. It's the first remix which is both significantly different and significantly better than the original innit. Pretty impressive when you consider how bad most Rap/Reggae hybrids tend to be.

People often refer to Mac J as Bris' sidekick but look back at old videos like Difference and it's Bris who is Mac J's little homie. Bris just happened to have a song blow up before Mac.

Never trust any DJ who plays the College Dropout version of Slow Jamz with the stupid added orchestral breakdown rather than the single version from Twista's album which was the big hit. KanYe Pest: ruining his own music with delusions of artistic grandeur since 2004.

You know what song really should have been on Ego Trip's The Big Playback compilation? Scuffin' Those Knees by The New Style AKA the 1989 single by Treach, Vin Rock & Kay Gee before they changed their name to Naughty By Nature.

Tired: I Can't Feel My Face by Lil' Wayne. Wired: Find My Legs by Yuno Miles.

The two best songs to come out on Def Jux are Hold The Floor by Camu Tao and Murs Iz My Manager by Mr. Lif & Murs, and it's no coincidence that both songs contain zero musical contribution from El-P. Sincere rest in peace to Camu - we'll always have the time you chinned Copywrite.