If we sacrifice Hetty Douglas to a volcano can we get Gary Warnett back?

Fuk Hetty D and anyone that love 'er!

R.I.P to the infamous Gary "Gwarizm" Warnett - a proper kindred spirit. Ageing British blokes who truly GET rap music in toto are few and far between, so it was a pleasure to come across someone like Gary who also knew a thing or thousand about movies and clobber, and who shared a similar sense of humour.

It's fitting that the last post Gary wrote on his blog was about a movie memorabilia auction featuring Jack Nicholson's cardigan from The Shining and Jonathan Ke Quan's trenchcoat from The Goonies because Gary was a true fountain of knowledge on garms without being a ponce about it like practically every other #menswear blogger on the planet. It does him a great disservice to paint Gary as merely the internet's foremost expert on shoes/streetwear because he could pontificate about everything from James Spader's 80's yuppie movie outfits to Chopper's zoot suit to EPMD's Hobie Alpine jackets to Kirkland basic white tees to Donkey Jackets as an unfortunate symbol of British culture to the Real McCoys reproductions of Travis Bickle's wardrobe to Shirt Kings TV footage to online auctions of Deadwood's costume department to the fur-lined leather jackets Max B & Jim Jones wore to 80's Heshers like the human pretzel James Vance.

Nobody connected the dots between music, movies and #menswear with such an eye for detail as Gary and that's why he's utterly irreplaceable. I hope Heaven got a Harajuku where he can cop Champion reverse-weaves and Visvim M-65's in western sizes on the cheap. This one's for you, lad.

Agallah - Rockin'
(From Doomsday mixtape; 2004)

Martorial elegance #74

Courtesy of Drew Huge, a 1983 Jonzun Crew press release with the quartet looking like Wolfgang Amstrad Moëzart & The 3 Macketeers at Rick James' annual player's ball:

Please believe Jonzun Crew's outfits are 100% more masculine than any rapper wearing True Religion bootcut jeans and hideous Giuseppe Zanotti high-tops made out of pleather and 4 different velcro straps.

Jonzun Crew - Space Is The Place
(From Space Is The Place single; 1982/Lost In Space album; 1983)

Crime Mob meets Crass

"I'ma make your body jerk like you heard some Crunk music
I'm dressed in all black like I make Punk music"

Spitta - Halfway
(From Boyz N Tha Rogue mixtape; 2014)


Trans-genre raps from that Baton Rogue rapper who had a great song about gettin' legged by the bizzies with Young Ready last year. ANU called Spitta "the Baton Rogue version of Styles P", which is a very valid comparison given that his gloating and warnings have the same Zen-like quality as Styles' rhymes. But there's also a blunt minimalism to Spitta's bars that's reminiscent of the poetry of Melachi The Nutcracker on Group Home's Livin' Proof album, and please believe that's a compliment because Melachi might be rap's greatest self-editor of all time. Who else could speak volumes with so few words?

All solid bloggaz with me is how we was brought up, bloggaz start talkin' to rappaz and get caught up.

My Deep Cuts for Complex this week: Smoke Up by Stunt-N-Dozier featuring Peryon J Kee & Lil' Pooh, and Fuck A Plan B by Ace B8gie & Murph Watkins.

The latter Deep Cut brought forth a comparison with the Steady B & Cool C incident, which gives me a convenient excuse to repost the legendary Fat Lace fashion shoot recreation of the day Steady B & Cool C made like Shaggy's son and tried to robb bank$:

We got necks!

Developin' a mild obsession with Stu Hustlah like nothin' since dude is really good at making the sort of wistful mob musik which makes you feel sadder than a basset hound's face:

"Put you n*ggas on ice
Fuck a price, Ima do it for the stripes"

Stu Hustlah - Oh Soo Hard
(From It's Me album; 2013)


Legal issues mean that we're pro'lly never going to see the mythical video footage of Game wearing 50's stolen basketball hoop as a chain, so Stu has elevated the neckwear game to new levels for all Gang$ta-Rappers with an outfit that's vaguely reminiscent of DJ Hot Day on the PHD album cover:


May Apollo grant my man The Spartorialist a million Nicoletta Machiavelli lookalikes in Hades for making me this GIF.

A mugs love story

Courtesy of Drew Huge, rare cassette-only artwork for Akinyele's debut single The Bomb:

Can't imagine why Interscope wouldn't wanna blow this pic of yung Ak's mug up and slap it on the 12" version too?

Rejected rejected ideas #2

Annual 2013 list of my post pitches that were so bad even Dan & Drew turned them down for the Rejected Ideas section over at Fat Lace.

I Sit Alone In My 4 Cornered Room Staring At Cankles - Scarface reveals he longer feels comfortable wearing shorts in public due to his rapidly thickening lower legs.

Just A Young 'Hood N*gga, Screech Raised Me - Future argues that Saved By The Bell was a better show than The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air.

M.O.B Dick - Jim Jones & Mel Matrix explain why they're the Rap Game Captain Ahab & Ishmael.

This Is Why I'm Shot - Mims uses a ouija board to speak to Lil' Phat's spirit in a bid to find out if he really was killed by some Ukrainian guido car dealer and Eldorado Red.

The Lyrics Born Ultimatum - in an exclusive interview, the azn bloke from Latryx reveals that he left the group because the blk bloke from Latryx wouldn't stop farting on their tour bus.

It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold His Cack - Dr Gillian McKeith teaches Bizarre from D12 how to turn those lead logs into flaky floaters.

Mouse On The Track - Lil' Mouse tests out whether Nike Flyknits are good for Track & Field events.

Street Nozzles Pointed At Ya Nostros - a Rap blogger dating series in which Andrew "Noz" Nosnitsky and Lauren Nostro go on a string of paintballing dates together.

Generic list post : Agallah The Donal Bishop edition

This is the post where we convince the Rap internet's # 1 Irish dude to come to his senses regarding 8-Off's catalogue. Here's a top ten Agallah joints list as according to ya humble author Fredo Fantano AKA Abel Agallah :

1. Agallah ft. Sean Price - Rising To The Top (original) (2002)
2. Agallah The Don Bishop - Gun Go (2004)
3. Purple City - It Ain't Easy (2005)
4. Agallsh The Don Bishop - Gangster (2004)
5. Agallah - Adolf "8-Off" Agallah interlude (2000)
6. Agallah The Don Bishop - Rockin' (2004)
7. Agallah The Don Bishop - New York Ryder Music (2006)
8. Purple City ft. Ike Eyes - Picture Me Rollin' (2006)
9. 8-Off ft. Mr Cheeks - Alize For Dolo remix (1996)
10. Agallah - 5 Star Millas (1999)
Greatest Agallah pun of all time : Drew Huge's Christina "8-Off" Aguilera or my Agallah The John Bishop? Vote now!

Drew Huge came up on a super rare Money Boss Players promo

Peep the tracklist here and let's try to convince him to share the 3 previously unheard joints Cause Im your MBP, Sparkle, and Same Shit Different Places (Ghetto Thang is just Bronx N*ggas under a different title apparently) even if it's just to upload them to his YouTube account of #rare gems :

Remember when Traffic Entertainment were reportedly tryna thrash out a deal with Minnesota to release a deluxe remastered Money Boss Players discography CD about 6 years ago? I'm assuming that situation is dead in the water like Richey Edwards now even though an MBP discography would probably put them J. Cole numbers on the board in Germany. On the off chance it does ever happen then it needs to include these MBP tracks and a bonus disc full of CDQ versions of all the Bounce Squad mixtape freestyles that Lord Tariq appeared on as well as his lost 12" banger with the Sammy Davis Jr. sample This Cold World :

Lord Tariq - This Cold World
(From This Cold World 12"; 2000)


I've never heard the Lord Tariq & Peter Gunz album but I'm gonna take a wild guess that This Cold World is better than anything on there bar Deja Vu (Uptown Baby).

Shout outs to Dommy P

Duuk got stripes in the game like Matt Hardy's JNCO jeans!

Lest we also forget that Julienne Shepherd's editor at SPIN Christopher Weingarten once claimed that if it weren't for Das Racist we'd all still be posting on UGHH.com and listening to either Jedi Mind Tricks or J.R Writer. If Shepherd helping Das Racist avoid sexual assault charges rates as a 10 on the terrible-things-you're-going-to-burn-in-Hell-for-o-meter, Weingarten's comment surely rates somewhere around 7.5.

Anyhoo, plz believe ya boy Harry G.R.O.D.T right chea is patiently waitin' on Dom's 100 Worst People On Twitter entries on John Doran and all white American Rap bloggaz during election month, b!

Fat Lace back! (again)

Drew and Dan take time out from spending their porn baron/jet-setting DJ loot to drop a new spodcast featuring a caboodle of classics and hidden jams by Chill Rob G, the Beatnuts, Salt 'N' Pepa, the New Style, Disco 4, Spyder D etc as well as some super secrete & rare Texa$ shit by BKA Rock and a cut by the U.M.C.'s side project group 321 :

Cahiers du Rap Musik

If you thought Fat Lace magazine went back to the essence in 2001 before it's glorious internet rebirth in 2007, you best git ta knowin' that it actually carried on as a monthly column in HipHopConnection magazine for a year or so afterwards in the early noughties. Here's missive # 7 from the homie Greenpeace about some of his favourite forgotten golden-era 12"s including Listen To The Man by Kev-E-Kev & Ak-B, the blue mix of J.V.C F.O.R.C.E's Strong Island, and I Can't Go For That by Priority One :

This particular column is notable for 3 reasons : because it first put ya boy Agallah Christie right chea up on Hot Day Master Mix; because it was one of the early instances of the Random-Rap canon being established alongside various reviews on the old Spine Magazine site, a couple of Dave Thompkins' articles in Grand Slam magazine and such mix CDs as DJ Ivory's Hear No Evil and Fast Rap by Edan; and because Greeny actually plumped for a good Paul C production like Listen To The Man rather one of the many mediocre ones that the rest of all y'all rubes only sweat because they're rarer than songs on J.V.C F.O.R.C.E's second album where they didn't mention that they were the group who made Strong Island.

Fat Lace back!

It's Def Jam week over on Fat Lace, featuring blurbs-a-plenty by ya man Richard Tre Mane AKA Trap Goin' Burham Wazir. Drew Huge and I actually wrote the text for this entire week back in the Reagan/Thatcher era when Davy DMX was signed to the label (well, sometime last year), but it's taken Dan Large this long to rip and up all the audio for it since he's now clocking that Tinie Tempah paper from Sway becoming a proper pop star and partying it up in Dubai with Calvin Harris and Alexa Chung. When we was on the computer writin' about B.G Knocc Out, he was in Palm Deira sippin' Cris' on a speedboat.

Rejected-rejected ideas

Damn, homie - we goin' through the winter warz right now still waitin' on Bogota and King Louie's Dope And Shrimp, and the only song to have really tickled our fancy in the past couple of weeks is Cocky by DJ Paul. In lieu of any real content, here are some pitches for posts that were so bad that they were even snubbed by Fat Lace for the Rejected Ideas series :

Tupac Bok - listen to our exclusive mash-up of Tupac Back over Project Pat's Chickenhead.

Agallah The John Bishop - the Rapper formerly known as The Don Bishop turns to inane sub-Stan Boardman scouse stand-up comedy after the GTA and Dipset money dries up.

Pour Out A Little (window) licker - 2pac found alive in Aphex Twin's studio!

Got You Stuck Off The Holness - the M.O.B.B react to the death of Blockbusters host Bob Holness.

2 Girls, 1 Kap - Big Kap caught in scat-porn threesome with Kreashawyn and V-Nasty.

The Search For Animal Chingy - Mr. Right Thurr meets The Bones Brigade!

Nap Or Die - sleep apnea expert professor L. Dopa explains why it would've been more sensible for Pimp C to take shorter trips off to the land of nod.

Krs already made an album called Edutainment

If you thought Fat Lace just brought the entertainment, then think again, homepiss, because the magazine was crazy edumakashunal and shit too, as evidenced by this Spoonie Gee appreciation by none other than Tuff City Records owner Aaron Fuchs. Despite the fact that Fuchs pretty much swindled every other rapper who ever signed to his label, it seems he has a soft spot for Spoonie since he's the only rapper to ever clock chedda via regular Tuff City royalty cheques.


This piece mentions the mythical Black Rob version of Take It Off which I think eventually surfaced on a DJ Clue mixtape sometime around the release of Life Story in 2000. The 'net has now been blessed with everything from ATCQ demos down to radio freestyles by the likes of Yak Ballz and Drag-On, but nobody has thought to rip the Black Rob take on a Spoonie Gee classic yet?

~> Download Spoonie's Love Rap/New Rap Language 12" <~

I can understand why a lot of early Rap would sound a bit daft and antiquated to younger or untrained ears, but these two cuts are the exception to that rule with Pumpkin's original compositions sounding closer to someone like ESG than the standard Disco replays most Rappers were lumbered with in the early 80s, Love Rap loosely fathering not only Slick Rick and Too $hort but Swag-Rap, and New Rap Language with The Treacherous 3 being the genesis of fast Rapping, abstract lyricism, multisyllabic rhyme schemes and, thus, unfortunately, Canibus' whole steez. But, much in the same way that you should never deprive yourself of listening to Kraftwerk just because they were German geezers who happened to share a penchant for side-partings with a certain someone, please don't hold a grudge against New Rap Language just because it accidentally planted a seed in this guy since it was also the catalyst for, amongst others, T. La Rock, Ultramagnetic MC's, Kool G. Rap, De La Soul, Twista, Freestyle Fellowship and E-40.

Ready rock, kill a cop, Steady B

Years before Steady B became Cam'Ron's go-to lyric whenever he's in need of something to rhyme with Heavy D, the Fat Lace crew were printing up FREE STEADY B t-shirts and recreating his bungled bank robbery with Cool C which left police officer Lauretha Vaird dead for issue # 4 in 1999 as a fashion shoot. Even with a Swollen Members tee on display, this is still the absolute zenith of Rap magazine content:



Everybody who's ever laughed at this piece has probably procured themselves a one way ticket to Hell in the process, but at least our nether regions will be fairly low on the pecking order for eternal prodding from Satan's recalescent pitchfork when Cool C has shown zero remorse for murking Miss Vaird and even maintains his innocence when there's Steady B's statement, 3 eyewitness testimonials, CCTV footage and forensic evidence to the contrary. Lucifer will get central heating installed on his manor before 9 out of 10 rappers currently serving time for murder will ever come forward on that Juve' type shit and say "I did dat!"

Related : Brand Nu' like Grand Pu' Fat Lace spodcast by Dan & Drew.

Also from issue # 5 of Fat Lace

White like Paul Bearer but not the one from Sheer Terror, it's the girlfriend's Speedo costume wearer and the Fat Lace scans sharer with the legendary Cover Me Badd piece for the Tumblr era :



Stay tuned for the imminent Fat Lace site relaunch when the entire crew form like the Sun, Moon & Stars to recreate the posse pic from the back cover of Hard To Earn. We would go live tonight but Dom grew a handlebar moustache to play the position of Big Shug and then started hittin' dudes with a sledgehammer due to his fantasisies of livin' life like Triple H circa 2005/2006 taking hold :

Martorialist exclusive : Z-Ro's new CD cover

Z-Ro - Barre Kelly freestyle edit (2010)



Here at The Martorialist our asses might be lily white, but we wear a red bandana, our cups overfloweth with purple, we've been known to throw on Johnny Cash outfits to Big L & Plies and we've got Maynholup turning green with envy right now because we can exclusively reveal that after pseudonyms like 'Rother Vandross & 'Ro Hammad Ali and albums such as Crack, Cocaine, Heroin, Meth & the upcoming Angel Dust, Z-Ro will be dipping his toe into the ocean of classic literature for his first release of 2012 :


The rapper who'll surely adopt the moniker of Henny 'Rollins for a Blue Flag mixtape at some point in his career informs us that he has a further 3 CD narcotic-themed trilogy called Nurofen, Lemsip and St. John's Wort planned for 2012, but once he's exhausted the whole name-an-album-after-a-drug gimmick then he plans on mining literary history for aliases and album titles, with 'Roahl Dahl AKA The Big Friendly Gangsta and Ha 'Ro And The Stories At S.U.C both on deck, done and shrink-wrapped already for 2013. That's Buck Rogers years away in Rap terms so let's come around the corner so slow in a Lincoln fou' doo' with tonz 'o' rap/literature punz in the meantime :

The Diary Of Anne Frank N Dank
B.G. Wells
JimBukowski
DostoevSki-Beatz
Crime And Big Punishment
Jay Dee Salinger
Kashmir In The Rye
Herman Melle Melville
Easy Moe Bee Dick
Volume 3... Life And Times Of S. Sartre
Pillgrim's Progress
The Brothers MF Grimm
Creepin' On Ah Camus
Capote-N-Noreaga
Agallah Christie
Straight Outta I. Burnett Compton
The Dayz Of Hemmingwayback
Memphis Bleek House
The Life And Adventures Of Nicholas Nickatina
The Mystery Of Edwin Dru-Down
Huckleberry Finesse & Synquis
Superlover Cee & Casanova Rudyard Kipling
Girls I Got 'Em Sherlocked

"What, you think I got a pterodactyl in my closet?"

Fat Lace is on the cusp of reawakening from its summer slumber, so to get you limbered up for posts which exist solely for us to make an Ivan Camp Lo pun here's the classic Terry & Loon piece from issue # 5 in 2000 where T-La Rock interviewed Kool Keith. Topics addressed include Keith's distaste for everything about N.Y.C from the trendy rappers to the women, why he prefers living on the west coast, his buying of No Limit albums before Master P blew up, "homo-assed music", black ppl losing their sense of funk and having spaghetti thrown on his head :

Berner Herzog

Okay, if I'm taking credit for DB Tha General rapping over incidental music from Alphaville, then I'm almost certainly positive that Lil B producer Clams Casino using footage from Aguirre, Wrath Of God for his latest promo clip is on me too. As spotted on Space Age Hustle :

Clams Casino - Natural
(From the Rain Forest EP; 2011)



A Young L martian-slap over Aguirre's official soundtrack by Popol Vuh is surely inevitable by friday now, so let's get our Fat Lace swag on in the meantime and come up with some rap/European cinema crap puns, gentlemen :

MC Renoir
Un Chien AndaLouis Logic
Buñuel B
The Discreet Charm Of The Boosie
New Jerzy Skolimowski Drive
Jean SeYung Berg
Pierrot Le cruisin' down the street in my six-Fou
Klaus KinSki-Beatz
The Enigma Of Kasper I'll House You
Jeeps, Les Quatre Cents Coups, Bimaz & Benz