This is reality Jersey Club - I really go through it

Cookiee Kawaii - Vacation
(From Club Soda Vol 2 album; 2020)


File this under '2020 choonz which hit even harder during England's cold, grey, damp national lockdown of 2021.'

Not only is this the ultimate Winter of our Discontent™, this is the ultimate winter of my disconnection. Thus, I find meself washing up on the Jersey Club shore again searchin' for jams. Cookiee Kawaii's Vacation is my favourite J.C find to date: a JeR&Bsey ode to the soul-cleansing reset of a good holiday that's more song than track but still retains the brevity, booty-chatter™ and BPM of the other Jersey Club bangers which have tickled my pleasure centre. If Ryanair don't use this song to soundtrack one of their annoying "Get yer Covid vaccination jab and maybe you plebs can go on holiday!" adverts then the company's entire marketing department should be sacked, imho.

Cookiee Kawaii's Vibe (If I Back It Up) seems to have been the biggest Jersey Club song of 2020 and was bestowed with the musical mark of Cain that is a Tyga remix. If Vacation ever follows a similar trajectory then let's hope someone more suitable gets to hop on the remix - someone like Flo Milli.

Becky With The Good Arse™

Why couldn't the pirate's wife sit down?
Because someone stole her booty.
Z-Man started from the bottom and set up shop there to write an shambolically lo-fi ode to back-beauty snowbunnies with derrières like 2 planets in a handkerchief. Lord Jamar wouldn't approve of a milk-shark anthem like White Girls Wit Ass, but there's nowt wrong with Z-Man wanting to put a bit of colour into a CAC bird's cheeks if she's looking a bit pale where the sun don't shine. The best song on 4 Hours Of Sleep because it doesn't hit a single bum note.

Z-Man - White Girls Wit Ass
(From 4 Hours Of Sleep album; 1999)


Here at The Martorialist we're definitely on the P.A.W.G Righteous Teachers tip, but we'd also like to send a fat shout out to all the white girls with no Batty like Leeds United post-2004. You know who else deserves a fat shout out? Z-Man for being the first Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain truther in Rap. Don't get shit twisted like Fieldy's dreadlocks, though - EL DUCE INNOCENT!!!! It woz Michael DeWitt & Jessica Hopper wot done it (allegedly.)