"Head shot - welcome to the Terror dome
I study occult science that was never known
Heroin on the pavement that I'm steppin' on
Listen to me speak to the rhythm of a metronome
I can see your future in a bag of bones
You gonna end up buried in the catacombs"
Mic Terror ft. Bruus - Big Steppas
(From Big Steppas single; 2023)
Good way for Mic Terror to end his productive 2023: one last single produced by none other than Panik from Molemen. Sip the Juice, Molemen still got beats to go around. Call M.T Captain Hook because he knows how to write a boss chorus, most of your favourites don't.
The Titty Song ended being my 2023 Mic T jam of choice. Mic & Gzus Piece snapped when they made that video no f**kin' doubt, those visuals could put a Jack Nicholson smile on The Grouch.
The Doors and Love during their Polish tour, December 1968.
Contrary to popular demand, the Martorialist best movies & television awards are back! Nowadays I have a "it's complicated" relationship with movies/television: unless I'm indulging in my annual rewatch of Casino I will never sit through another 3 hour movie in my life, and because I don't use Netflix, Amazon or Disney+, I'm limited to what I catch at the cinema/on British TV/on my m8 Deezy's Plex server. This means I'll occasionally miss out on a promising movie, but also means I've never wasted a second of my life watching a trendy mediocre streaming TV series. As Big L nearly said, anti-FOMO, that's a no-no! As a result, I don't always see what I want, but I always manage to see what I need, and ya boi needed these movies and shows in 2023. As always, no specific order of preference.
* The BBC licence fee is worth every penny for the sport, documentaries, dramas, imports, quiz shows and their archives on iPlayer. Shout outs to the latter because I finally got around to watching all 5 series of People Just Do Nothing and a buncha old 60s/70s Doctor Who stories I'd not seen before.
* I like the 2023 reboot of Neighbours but I don't love it yet. At least Micha Barton's character didn't last long because there's something very jarring about hearing a Yank accent in Neighbours.
* My best cinema experience of 2023: seeing the 4k reissue of Joe Massot's 1981 documentary about the British 2 Tone Ska scene Dance Craze on the big screen. You better believe that's the best live concert footage of The Specials you'll ever see, and it had me green with jealousy of anyone who got to see The Specials, Madness or The Beat live between 1979 and 1982.
* My worst cinema experience of 2023: paying to see The Killer on the big screen. A bargain bucket (hat) Le Samourai which had me enduring the sound of Morrissey's singing through gritted teeth. Fuk that movie, everyone who made it and anyone who luv it.
* If we're talkin' movies and TV then my fellow ex-baby blue alumni Party Sparty AKA Harry Twist Of Cain is the illest blogger.
* Special shout out to the Mo Farah episode of Big Zuu's Big Eats where Mo dropped science that pilau rice & chopped banana is the Somalian equivalent of fish & chips. A game-changer for me - no question, the combination makes my taste buds sing.
* That Ghosts finale episode hit the spot, but it's not my favourite Ghosts yuletide special or even my favourite yuletide-themed of 2023. This got me thinking about my own personal pantheon of Christmas-themed TV classics. All I want for Christmas is 12 gold teeth, a fresh candy blue jeep, a .44 heat, and these festive TV treats:
Someone told me I should have included Ice Spice's Deli in my 2023 songs list. I dislike that song for the same reason I disliked Pop Smoke's Welcome To The Party: it's the sound of a New Yorker reciting a buncha generic Instagram captions + luxury Eurotrash brands over a beat which deserved far better. Much like dying, there's 6 million ways a rapper can ruin a great beat.
The most impressive trick Yams ever pulled was convincing us that the rappers in A$AP Mob were big Houston rap aficionados. It quickly transpired that Ferg was laughably clueless and I betcha the only Houston Rap Rocky has ever listened to is Paul Wall's verse on KanYe Pest's Drive Slow. So, it's a testament to Yams' creative vision that he managed to coax Trilla out of those vacuous hacks because that song legitimately sounds like a 2004 Swishahouse posse cut.
Occasionally Rap Genius does come in handy for skoolin' an ignorant Brit like me on 'Murican sports references in rap songs. Case in point: Shaq's "I did it for kicks like my position was Vinatieri's" line from Coyote's 3 Lokos. Expecting me to have a clue who Adam Vinatieri is would be like me expecting David Drake to have a clue who Alan Shearer is.
Whoever holds the rights to 45 King's vaults needs to release the explicit version of his 1997 EP with Lady Champain. Only ever releasing the clean version of it? Like the dearly-departed Maori man said: How Bizarre!
After The Show, it's the La Di Da Di
Then after the La Di Da Di it's the Hotel, Motel lobby
Then after the Gin & Juice it's time for a piss
And after the late pass discoveries songs then it's time for this...
Yes ma, no Martorialist siesta. Sometimes I feel I should change my name to Mart Adams the way I dislike so much current Rap. Then I'll find a couple of new legit jams and it feels like I've stumbled on some 8th wonders of the world. Maybe I'm a hater, or maybe a lotta people will listen to any old current shite as long as it's by an ageing New Yorker/a teenage gangbanger/Drake/an indistinguishable street guy from Michigan/Earl Sweatshirt & his m8s/a freestyling content-creator. I'm not immune to songs by some of the aforementioned rappers, but other Rap songs are available. So, in no specific order, here's the Rap songs which soundtracked my year including the customary handful of Rap songs which dropped right at the end of the previous year.
Like I said last time around, year end lists are supposed to be a record of your favourite songs, not a résumé of every new song you've listened to four times in the last twelve months. Lemme break it down like dis: a year end list which is undiscerning to the point of being disingenuous deserves to be gently dissed dunnit? Thus, I propse a new rule for all fellow list-making OCD nerds higher echelon Rap connoisseurs: if you didn't like a song enough to buy or rip the MP3 then it doesn't belong in your year end list.
IF U A RESPECTABLE HIGHER ECHELON RAP CONNOISSEUR WHO HANDLE YO BIZ AND TAKE JUDICIOUS CARE OF YO MP3 FOLDERS U LAPHING AND LUVING THIS POST! IF U MAD U THE ONE IM TALKIN BOUT!!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Best non 'Murican Rap songs of 2023 no IMHO necessary:
J Hus - It's Crazy
Dave & Central Cee - Sprinter
Nines - Calendar
CASisDEAD - Venom
Busy Signal ft. M24 - Badman Ting
Tha blog is hot, but it's cold out here for doz of us who don't do Twitter or whatever. If you've enjoyed this list in any way then gimme a link plz. EOY season is like Heaven - everybody wanna get a seat. How you make it to the gates and forget Marty?
Bonus beats: I only made a few Born To Audiomack playlists this year, but they were all great. Tell me, have you heard them? Yeah, they put together by me, but on the lo they belong to listener folks and their lugholes.
This is the first year in forever where I didn't discover an old Mac Dre song I'd never heard before/previously slept on. It wasn't for lack of listening, more that I'm thoroughly versed on all Dre's albums nowadays, and my well is running dry on his deeper/posthumous cuts which aren't sullied by guest verses from his guys & goons. Here's hoping mentioning his absence will magically manifest a sick Dre solo slap into my ears before 2023 becomes a citizen of Hades. Until then, here's some old songs which became new favourites this year - the songs which now regularly soundtrack my IRL exploits and make me feel like I've been living life in false contentment without them.
Bonus beats: shout out to Party Sparty for posting The Web by Abie "Available" Baker AKA the song with the Sleazy Trumpet Horns™ sampled on The Pharcyde's 4 Betta Or 4 Worse.
BeatKing ft. Sukihana, Princess & Diamond - On Yo Head (remix)
(From the internet; 2023)
I ain't tryna get all Black Eyed Peas on youse lot, but where is the love for this song? The Texan equivalent of ah slumper, this is one of 2023's most ig'nant Rap songs. It's also far superior to the original version and not just because BeatKing reunited Princess & Diamond from Crime Mob - the original suffered from a beat-switch which sucked all the energy outta that shit. It's 2023 and rappers are still making the rookie mistake of recording songs with beat-switches where the 2nd beat is an anti-climax. The trick is that two different beats in the SAME DAMN SONG will only consolidate if both beats are of equal quality and the beat which closes the song is the 'ardest. Rappers need to study Andre Nickatina & San Quinn's Saw A Gangsta Cry as an example of how beat-switches should be done.
Andre Nickatina ft. San Quinn - Saw A Gangsta Cry
(From These R The Tales album; 2000)
Ezale still hasn't dropped a song in 2023 despite teasing a handful of snippets over the last 12 months. Me, I'm fiendin' for that fun, fun, fun song from the Mike Tyson video. Will he drop it before the year ends? Let's find out.
It's unfortunate that 80% of Hip-Hop fans couldn't care less about 80s Rap. But it's even more unfortunate than most of the Hip-Hop fans who do care about 80s Rap are those irritating raer vinylz blokes who don't listen to anything made before 1986. I'll never take "REAL HIP-HOP" chatter serious from self-styled 80s experts who don't know their Errol "Pumpkin" Bedward from their Egyptian Lover.
My faith in the British public was somewhat restored when J Hus & Drake's Who Told You didn't become the MONSTER ANTHEM everyone expected. You can fool Drake fans 99% of the time, but even the plebs who listen to That Canadian Nonce™ agreed that his appalling/rambling verse completely ruined the song.
It'd be cool if Special Ed's current viral talking-head status caused one of his old songs to blow up. Ideally it would be the Freaky Flow remix because it's a top two Primo remix ever and "get on my nerves like pets" is one of the realest lines ever committed to music.
Did Big Choo ever drop his revamp of Dolamite's Hustlas? I genuinely don't know because that fat bastard blocked me on Instagram when I asked him why he kept posting teaser videos for the song for 3 years straight but would never drop it. Even the song's producer Blaza Da Beat Contractor was getting pissed off with Choo and then died before Choo dropped it.
Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby (live)
(From Top Of The Pops TV show; 1990)
Say what you want about Vanilla Ice, but this clip of him performing live on British TV proves he could rhyme and dance at the SAME DAMN TIME! It's a performance every bit as good as 3rd Bass doing The Gas Face on Arsenio Hall's show, and it lends credence to my theory that the real reason MC Serch hated Vanilla Ice was because Ice was a far better dancer than him (plus Ice had a better flat-top hairdoo.) There's nowt more pathetic than a white boi rapper who turnt green with jealousy.
In hindsight, I probably should have included Ice Ice Baby in my One Song Wonders™ list. The thing about Ice Ice Baby is that everybody liked the song when it first dropped. And why wouldn't we? That shit was/is a legitimately great Rap single where a Zack Morris-type saltine with an aerodynamic flat-top borrowed the High Rollers flow to spray arrogance over the Under Pressure intro. And for that we should be thankful because only ur dad could possibly prefer Freddie Mercury & David Bowie's singing to Vanilla Ice's rhyming. It's this simple: other than Trevor Horn & Anne Dudley, Pink Floyd, Talk Talk, Peter Gabriel's So album, one Yes single, three Kate Bush singles and one Bowie single, the English middle classes have always made embarrassingly bad music. The rest of them should have sodded off back to drama school.
One point I will concede about Ice Ice Baby is that most of the graffiti in the video is pure toy-town shite. That's some "never forgive action" since Goldie was living in Miami at the time and was regularly joined by his New York writer m8s like Brim and T-Kid.
