Confessions of The One Bloke Who Survived The H-Bomb

"Last night I was dreamin'
I dreamed about the H-bomb
The bomb went up from outta the sky I was the only man on the ground

There were thirteen women and only one man in town
Ahhh, thirteen women and only one man in town
And as funny as it may be
The one and only man in town was me
There were thirteen women and only one man around"

The Renegades - Thirteen Women (movie version)
(From Some Finnish movie I don't know the name of; 1966)



AKA the latest instllment of Greatest Movie Scenes Ever.

If the greatest random performance of Rap song in a movie is Digital Underground & 2Pac doing Same Song in Nothing But Trouble, then the greatest random performance of a Rock song in a movie is either L7 doing Gas Chamber in Serial Mom or The Renegades doing Thirteen Women in a sewing factory in some Finnish movie I don't even know the name of.

A British Freakbeat cover of a Bill Haley & His Comets song, Thirteen Women is best described as Carry On proto-Groundhogs. The Renegades were a Birmingham band who were bigger in Finland than they were in England, but clearly had a huge impact on fellow Brummie dirtbags Black Sabbath. Musically, Thirteen Women is stomp-tremendo Garage Rock with haunted house organ; lyrically, Thirteen Women is a teenage wank fantasy episode of The Twilight Zone staring Robin "Confessions of.." Askwith and set after a nuclear explosion. This movie version of the song has slightly different vocals to the single version and the song flows far better as a story this way. Peep 1:00 for the singer pulling an orgasm-face in case his innuendo went over your head.

Generic list post: November 2025

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Young Bleed died. Rapper deaths hit the hardest when it's an old favourite who was still making good music. And that's I haven't been this gutted about a rapper dying since The Jacka. I'm bloggin' with the violin, not hoppin' up for the downstroke while lil' papi plays the fiddle. R.I.P.

Strictly Dope - Never Be Beat (1990?/2007)
G. Dep - Stay Up (2008)
Tony Yayo ft. Max B & French Montana - Do It Right (2009)
TREE & Parallel Thought - Hang Out (2025)
OnlyHeaven - Text (On The Corner performance) (2025)
BunnaB - Free Him (2025)
WNC Whop Bezzy & 70th Street Carlos - GZ & Souljas (2025)
LARussell & Lil' Jon - I'm From The Bay (2025)
De La Soul - Don't Push Me (2025)
Kurious - When The Coffee Kicks In (2025)
RMC Mike - Right Now (2025)
Nine & Dex - Power Ranger (2025)
Onirico - Stolen Moments (1991)
Real Lies ft. Zoee - Summer Rain (2025)

Bonus bloggin: 1nce again I'm gonna use my monthly wrap-up post to keep track of the best movies and TV shows I've been watching. * indicates rewatches dunnit.

Movies I watched and liked:
The Laurel-Hardy Murder Case (1930)
The Flying Deuces (1939)
Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987) *
Creep (2004)

TV shows I watched and liked:
Neighbours (new episodes) (2025)
Only Connect (new episodes) (2025)
Mastermind (new episodes) (2025)
Kingdom (series 1) (2025)
Celta de Vigo vs. Barcelona (2025)
Scotland vs. Denmark (2025)
Arsenal vs. Tottenham Hotspur (2025)
Arsenal vs. Bayern Munich (2025)
Match Of The Day 1 and 2 (new episodes) (2025)

Other stuff: peep my playlist of 1983 to 1985 Rap/Electro songs I found in the Mr. Bongo record shop and my look at YouTube videos for Rap songs from decades past.

Say cheesey

"It was 2006 I recall
Fresh white tee and it's crisp I recall
'40 dropped Tell Me When To Go that winter
It was all on the flo' that winter
Then $hort came through with Blow The Whistle for the summer
You wasn't outside back then, what a bummer
Nokia phones and H2 hummers
Hey lil' mama, can I getcha number?"

LARussell & Lil' Jon - I'm From The Bay
(From I'm From The Bay single; 2025)


I Need A Freak is the Mumm-Ra of early 80s Electro because that shit is Ever-Living™. LARussell & Lil' Jon are three for three on their collaboration slaps: Having Like This, I Got Flavor and this new one. Johnny The Boxxx called this 'Wholesome Hyphy', which would be the ideal title for the EP LARussell & Lil' Jon have planned. LARussell has the relentless cheeriness of a children's TV presenter and I ain't mad at that after the last half-decade of sour-faced NorCal child gangbangers. EBK Gorilla Zo-core rappers ain't dropping no songs with Mick Foley references.

Change In Speak

De La Soul - Don't Push Me
(From Cabin In The Sky album; 2025)

De La Soul · Don't Push Me

Fave song on this new De La Soul album is the unreleased Dove solo jam produced by Dove. Tell tale signs this song is at least 15 years old include our boi Plug Two mentioning Obama becoming president, and the beat sounding like a Dancehall-inspired song Estelle would have dropped in the late 2000s. No Posdnous, no problems in this instance because Dove going for dolo is way more fun than yer standard late-career De La song. Dave Jolicoeur by name, more jocular by nature. Dove had a problem... seriously: so much later De La music is full of Posdnous' lyrical finger-wagging which is the audio equivalent of taking cod liver oil. F**k being humourless, Plug Two was complicated.

Late-career De La invariably seem to end their albums on a highlight: Don't Push Me here, Rock Co.Kane Flow on The Grind Date and U Don't Wanna B.D.S on the first Art Official Intelligence. The latter always has me wishing Maseo would do another solo track for a Change In Speak. Alas, he's too shy like Kajagoogoo.

De La Soul ft. Freddie Foxxx - U Don't Wanna B.D.S
(From Art Official Intelligence: Mosaic Thump album; 2000)

De La Soul · U Don't Wanna B.D.S. (feat. Freddie Foxxx)

Blowin' up like a Hawaiian volcano

Strictly Dope - Never Be Beat
(From Beginnings: The Lost Tapes 1988–1991 album; 2007)

Dj kael kaelmi & maythayus1 · Tupac Shakur - Beginnings The Lost Tapes 1988-1991 - 04 - Never The Beat

The undisputed best song 2Pac & Ray Luv (then Ray Tyson) recorded as Strictly Dope. Probably recorded around 1990, but still would have hit perfect on the Juice soundtrack in 1991. 2Pac said "my mouth is like an UZI when it moves so quick, and my lyrics are like the bullets that I'm loadin' it with." Ray Luv said "tons and tons of freaks, I'm a Mac Daddio, writin' def jams while I'm chillin' on my patio." I say "even youse box-brained Boom-Bap purists can't front on a bangeur like this!" Some sharp-elbowed B-Boy breakbeat shit which makes you feel like you're a graffiti character on an airbrushed Shirt Kings t-shirt.

Many Supermen

Max B over N.W.A's Findum, F*ckum And Flee should have been a bulletproof cheat code for his first post-prison song. Alas, No More Tricks is a 1 minute throwaway where Max sounds like he's struggling to recite lines written in somebody else's handwriting. Me, I'm gonna pretend the song doesn't exist and go back to rediscovering old Max trax from the dayz of wayback. I heard Tony Yayo's Black Superman beatjack with Max & French Montana in 2009, but dismissed it since ByrdGang's Black Superman already existed. Fast forward to 2025 and I now want both like George Costigan in Rita, Sue and Bob Too. Max & French brought the waviness, while Yayo closes it out with the G-Unit henchman villaiNY.

Tony Yayo ft. Max B & French Montana - Do It Right
(From S.O.D mixtape; 2009)


**EDIT** I just realised the Yayo-less version of this was on Coke Wave as the last song Hold On. It wasn't on the version I downloaded tho because the last song on that was NY. My version was also missing All I Wanna.

5th Ward Breezie (part 2)

OnlyHeaven - Text
(From KISS (Keep It Short & Sweet) EP; 2025)


I already said everything I need to say about this song + how OnlyHeaven is the reincarnation of 5th Ward Weebie. So I'm posting her latest performance video of it because it's still her best jam to date and that's why it's the song she performs on the hanging mic YouTube channels. There's so much bum-shaking in Rap videos nowadays, it's good to see some boob-shaking for a change. Why'd I say that? I'm sorry, baby, that was Martaveli not Marty, baby!

Related: I was watching Deal Or No Deal last night and had to do a double-take when I clocked one of the contestants. OnlyHeaven is that you???

You see me, I eat, sleep, shit and watch Rap videos

Nice & Smooth - No Delayin'
(From Nice & Smooth album; 1989/YouTube; 2011)


I do believe this was the first YouTube video for a Rap song from decades past. No Delayin' wasn't a single back in 1989, but it's one of the best songs from Nice & Smooth's debut album, so it made the ideal song to shoot a video for to promote the 2011 remastered reissue of their album. Props for gettin' Big Daddy Kane in to mouth the vocal sample, but it's a pity Greg Nice & Smooth B didn't rock their Dapper Dan outfits from the sleeve of their debut.

Other great Rap album cuts from decades past to get YouTube videos include Project Pat's Gorilla Pimp, Young Bleed & Max Minelli's Better Than The Last Time, Brotha Lynch Hung's Rest In Piss and Juvenile's 400 Degreez. The latter is the best video of the lot and is a reminder that "you see me, I eat, sleep, shit and talk Rap" is one of the most relatable opening lines ever for doz of us neck deep in the Rap connoisseur lifestyle. If you're gonna be obsessed by something, it might as well be something good.

Juvenile - 400 Degreez
(From 400 Degreez album; 1998/YouTube; 2024)


It also has me wishin' Juve would shoot a video for Ghetto Children, which is his own favourite song from 4OO Degreez. Juve is clearly a man of taste just like me because Ghetto Children is my jam from 4OO Degreez too.

There's also been YouTube videos for old Rap singles which never got blessed with videos back when they were originally released back in the 80s. The two key examples of this are Busy Bee's Suicide and the recent 40th anniversary video for LL Cool J's Rock The Bells. These other old school rappers with classic songs celebrating 40th anniversaries in 2025 stay bringing the woodpeckers while LL brings The goods.

LL Cool J - Rock The Bells
(From Radio album; 1985/YouTube: 2025)


Fingers crossed for one video of a Rap song celebrating its 40th anniversary video in 2026. If I ruled the world it'd be a Who Framed Roger Rabbit type semi-animated video for Schoolly D's Saturday Night.

Bark The 45 King

"You lookin' like you lost, need direction
I'm lookin' like a boss, need affection"

TREE & Parallel Thought - Hang Out
(From Hang Out single; 2025)


More than ever, I appreciate TREE's music for never sounding like anyone else, even when he has other producers in the boiler room. Gotta have it in ya heart, gotta know yous makin' art, when you start with this music gotta know just who you are. Give it up for MC TREE G AKA Ziggly Twiggly AKA Oak K Player AKA Roots Riley.

Fly, pelican, fly

Jim Jones, Max B & Mel Matrix - Anniversary
(From DukeDaGod's Dipset: More Than Music Vol. 2 compilation; 2007)


Nowadays Anniversary is my de facto choice for the best ByrdGang song ever. Million Dollar Baby contribution from Max B, Gym Bore Jones in peak sulky-arse tweenager mode, Mel Matrix dependable as ever as the ByrdGang henchman, and soaring production by someone called Bear One of The Control Freaks which sounds like the greatest King Geedorah era MF DOOM beat never made. Prepare for the pop-off, turn your speakers up and let this song blow your bloody top off.

A while back I said I could live without any new Max & French songs. After hearing this snippet, I've changed my mind. Now there's a song which sounds like it needs Pain In Da Ass on the intro doing a Pachanga from Carlito's Way impersonation.

Late pass!

G. Dep - Stay Up
(From The Hiatus Deponomics mixtape; 2008)


A G. Dep single I'd never heard before. That liquid introspective shit a la Reflections or the Everyday remix which sounds like a message in a bottle from the 2008 New York mixtape era in the best way possible. Plus, Dep rockin' the bald dome & moustache combination lookin' like Kase2 in Cope 2's graffiti documentary. Hat tip to the DVD Couture Instagram account for this one.

The Deuce: Baton Rouge edition

Young Bleed - Walk Like Uh Husala
(From Preserved album; 2011)


My pick for the greatest Young Bleed album track nobody ever talks about. The way Bleed ends each line in the second verse by stretching out the last two words is the audio equivalent of a Louisiana pimp dragging his leg when he walks. Styles by the fibula.

WNC Whop Bezzy & 70th Street Carlos - Gz and Souljas
(From Out The Blue album; 2025)


A WNC flip of L.O.G's G's & Soldiers came outta that Bayou like a muskrat and makes the perfect B-side to WTF I Look Like. Really doe, there's no excuse for no Trel Itz A Hit beats on this Whop & Carlos album. Youse lads act like you've never heard South Louisiana Swag before.

No words

Never On Sunday - Urban Rains
(From Day By Day EP; 1992)

octave one · A3 Never On Sunday - Urban Rains

Deep melancholy Detroit dance music from Octave One under a different name. Detriot dance music is so confusing with all the aliases innit? For example, ur boi only recently realised that Alien FM are Aux 88 under a different guise. Anyhoo, Urban Rains is the missing link between Night Drive the choon and Night Bus the concept. A Woolworths £10 gift voucher from 2008 goes out to anybody who can tell me how I discovered this song. Shout out to the woolyback crew in St. Helens!

Dizzee Rascal - Strings Hoe
(From white label 12"; 2004)

UK Urban Classic Hits · Dizzee Rascal - Strings Hoe (Instrumental) - 2004 - UK Grime

So, there's a 2004 white label Dizzee Rascal instrumental called Strings Hoe which samples John Lurie's Car Florida from the Stranger Than Paradise soundtrack. How on Earth did 20 year old Dizzee Rascal find a John Lurie score from a 1984 Jim Jarmusch movie? Answers on a postcard from Margate plz. Personally, I'm glad Rascal didn't rhyme over Strings Hoe because, if Jarmusch were to ever do a Ghost Dog: The Way Of The Samourai sequel set in London, he could use this track as the main theme. This ain't no ancient civilization here, m8... except sometimes it is.

I'm in her drawers, family bible

"One eye closed, Ranganathan
Beatin' it off like I'm masturbatin'
The hammer so loud that I'm nearly deaf, I ain't exaggeratin'"

Nine & Dex - Power Ranger
(From Power Ranger single; 2025)


#Banter is back again via the Road-Rap Eric & Ernie. Give me a new Nine & Dex song every month and I'm happier than a pig in the proverbial. Two thumbs down at two uses of the word FEDS tho. Lads, they're the old bill, the coppers, the filth, the plod, the rozzers, the bizzies, the bobbies etc.

**EDIT** I'll forgive one use of FEDS here because Nine rhymed "I say f**k the FEDS" with "guns like monsters, under beds." Chef's kiss.

If we sacrifice Adrian Younge to a volcano can we get Young Bleed back?

Young Bleed - Stamp On It
(From the internet; 2006/Preserved album; 2011)


It was the moment I feared. I was hoping I wouldn't have to write this post after the initial reports of Young Bleed's demise were greatly exaggerated. Bleed dying a week after the No Limit vs. Cash Money Verzuz is the Baton Rouge Rap equivalent of Ozzy Osbourne dying after his final show. R.I.P to the funkadelic, psychedelic reinterpretation of the third kind. Bleed was Louisiana's foremost exponent of Country-Rap Swamp-Blues choonz who was still putting out good music in 2025. The great thing about Bleed is how effortless his stream-of-consciousness flow sounded even though his writing was intricately honed to perfection. Kinda like Juvenile, he rapped like he was talking to you in the flyest of Louisiana pentecostal preacherman tongues. He didn't sound like anybody else in Concentration Camp or on No Limit, and his style was an obvious influence on 2000s rappers like $tarlito and Curren$y. I acknowledge How Ya Do Dat as a classic, but Bleed's original solo version A Fool is the de facto better song. No shotz @ the verses from Master P and C-Loc, and all shotz @ Beats By The Pound for remixing Happy Perez's beat and messing it up. Don't even front that this isn't the definitive version.

Young Bleed - A Fool
(From C-Loc's Concentration Camp compilation; 1997)

Poland Street Is Watching Part 2

This old advert is a timely reminder that the defunct Mr Bongo record shop had a stacked section of 2nd hand 80s Rap and Electro where I'd find 12" singles I'd never come across in any record shops up north. The thing about the REAL HIP-HOP™ backpack brigade who frequented Bongos was that, although they'd walk around in fat lace Adidas Superstars and Puma States, very few of them had any interest in Rap music made before 1987. Fortunately, this was good news for me because it meant ur boi could hit those used record racks like the Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil and bag loadsa early to mid 80s Rap and Electro 12"s. Thus, here's a playlist of the best early 80s choonz I picked up in Bongos. All 12 songs hail from 1983 to 1985, which was a transitioal period for Rap. An era now lost in time like peeing in the sea, but which is one of my favourite stages in Rap's evolution.

Best early 80s Rap Choonz I picked up in Mr Bongo:
1. Spoonie Gee - The Big Beat (1983)
2. Jonzun Crew - Space Is The Place (1983)
3. The Cold Crush Brothers - Fresh, Wild, Fly & Bold (1984)
4. Egyptian Lover - Computer Love (Sweet Dreams) (1984)
5. The Furious Five - New York, New York (1983)
6. Grandmaster Melle Mel - Beat Street Breakdown (1984)
7. Newcleus - Jam On It (1984)
8. Crash Crew - We Are Known As Emcees (We Turn The Party Out) (1983)
9. Roxanne with UTFO - The Real Roxanne (1984)
10. Davy DMX - The DMX Will Rock (1985)
11. Stetsasonic - Just Say Stet (1985)
12. West Street Mob - Break Dance Electric Boogie (1983)

Generic list post: October 2025

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when YouTube kept recommending me Panda Chop interviews with Copywrite talking about getting beat up by Camu Tao and Icon The Mic King. Will Panda Chop be the person who tracks down Will High and interviews him about the Vordul and El-P incident?

People Under The Stairs ft. Murs - Pulp Fiction (1997/2000)
Big Hongry - Early One Morning (2020)
KenTheMan - Not My N*gga (extended version) (2023)
KenTheMan - First (2024)
Monaleo - Sexy Soulaan (2025)
Monaleo - Spare Change (2025)
Bruiser Wolf & Harry Fraud - Boss Up (2025)
Bruiser Wolf & Harry Fraud - Eye Owe You (2025)
Aesop Rock - Full House Pinball (2025)
Aesop Rock - Call Home (2025)
DJ Megadon - Do It Mega (2025)
Nine & Dex - Postman Pat (2025)
Real Lies - Let The Lips Fall Where They May (2025)
The Cramps - Weekend On Mars (live) (1983)

Bonus bloggin: 1nce again I'm gonna use my monthly wrap-up post to keep track of the best movies and TV shows I've been watching. * indicates rewatches dunnit.

Movies I watched and liked:
The Curse Of The Werewolf (1961)
Kiss Me, Stupid (1964)
Dougal and the Blue Cat (1970)
Allegro non troppo (1976) *
Hollywood Boulevard (1976)
The Cable Guy (1996) *
The Descent (2005) *

TV shows I watched and liked:
Neighbours (new episodes) (2025)
Mortimer & Whitehouse: Gone Fishing (series 8) (2025)
Mastermind (new episodes) (2025)
Only Connect (new episodes) (2025)
Crystal Palace vs. AFC Bournemouth (2025)
Arsenal vs Atletico Madrid (2025)
Real Madrid vs. Barcelona (2025)
Brentford vs. Liverpool (2025)
Match Of The Day 1 and 2 (new episodes) (2025)

Late pass: Sounds of the Safari

People Under The Stairs ft. Murs - Pulp Fiction
(From the vaults; 1997/American Men Vol. 1 compilation; 2000)

-- · People Under The Stairs - Pulp Fiction Ft. Murs

Sum shit I'd never heard before: this People Under The Stairs & Murs deep cut from the rare compilation CD of unreleased songs PUTS sold on tour in 2000. A near-7 minute storytelling jam about being lost in a jungle where all 3 rappers bounce off each other on some Jumanji Brothers type shit. Me, I like to listen to Pulp Fiction walking to my local shops where I can lose myself in the details as the story unfurls. Is this song too bugged-out for the average humourless box-brained backpacker? Those lads aren't exactly renowned for their GSOH.

The reason why the American Men Vol. 1 compilation CD is so rare is because the CDs ended up being too heavy to lug around on their 2000 world tour so PUTS offloaded them to an English distributor. There's currently one copy on Discogs for £255, but there's probably loadsa copies rotting away in English charity shops for £1.50.

PS: pour out a little liquor for Posta Boy. Jurassic Harlem is a mixtape classic, and Posta will go down in history as the only rapper who bodied Hell Rell and Immortal Technique on a TV show. Never forget the video of Max B & French Montana doing colour commentary on Hell Rell's battle with Posta Boy.

His Adidas

"Your trophy wife is participation
N*gga, your affidavit like 10 pages"

Bruiserwolf & Harry Fraud - Boss Up
(From Made By Dope album; 2025)

Sometimes a one paragraph Youtube comment sums up a song's appeal better thana blog post ever could. Just when you thought the song was percussion-free, those drums kick like Bruce Lee! How much Adidas does Bruiser Wolf own tho? Who does this guy think he is - Gary Aspden? Wolf should record a song called I Sit Alone In My 4 Cornered Room Staring At 3 Stripes.

Ur boi Messi Mart bought a pair of Adidas Nastase in 2007-ish, wore them once, decided I didn't like them that much, and stored them away. Rediscovered them late this summer, decided they'd be the ideal white kicks to pair with shorts, wore them a handful of times and the soles crumbled on both shoes. Godamn, homie - my kicks is playing tricks on me.

It's Grimandi up north

"And give my warm regards to spring
It's nuffin' personal, but this changes everyfing"

Real Lies - Let The Lips Fall Where They May
(From Let The Lips Fall Where They May single; 2025)

Real Lies · Let the Lips Fall Where They May

Nobody is currently making better surburbaquatic electronic music than the Pet Shop Sad Bois AKA North Circular 17 AKA Real Lies. Let The Lips Fall Where They May dropped in August and was Real Lies' tribute to sticky summers in London. But as a London-born Scorpio lad who became a northerner it makes more sense in the nippy marmalade sunsets of October to ur boi Martinelli. There's very little which makes me patriotic about this silly little island of serfs than British electronic dance music and our penchant for banter about the weather.

I reckon Let The Lips Fall Where They May is the best Real Lies song of 2025 so far, and it only proves that Kev Last Kahras & Pumpin' Patrice should release a compilation of the best Real Lies non-album songs. Obviously the album would include songs like Valentine, Oh Me, Oh My (Nicotine Patch), I Wander, Rare Rapport etc. Ideally, the compilation would also include a studio version of The Lonely Ones from their lockdown livestream. Shit, even a rip of the live performance of it would suffice tbqh.

Shoes Up, Bros Down

Treal Lee & Prince Rick - Shoes Up
(From DJ Fletch presents Treal Lee & Prince Rick - Throwed Off mixtape; 2011)


Here's a Martorialist favourite which has otherwise been wiped from the internet. This deep cut by Treal Lee & Prince Rick was a Dallas equivalent of JR Writer's Grill 'Em or 3 Deep's Watch My Shoes. The song was the next step in club bad behaviour for Lee & Rick after Throwed Off (F**k Everybody): a dystopian vision of the dancefloor populated by a thousand Gary Bushells with nary a Darcey Bussell in sight. Plus, it features one of the most Tonally-Consistent™ DJ-drops ever with "F**K YOUR WHOLE LIVES, IT'S DJ FLETCH!!!"

Sister Soulja Slim

"You not invited to the cookout
But you can watch from the middle of the streets, be the lookout"

Monaleo - Sexy Soulaan
(From Who Did The Body album; 2025)


I'm feelin' Monaleo's pivot to Conscious (Gran)daughter with Sexy Soulaan and Spare Change from her new album. Peep the storytelling to make Ice-T proud on the latter song. Don Who Leo is dead, welcome to the Leokim Shabazz era.

Thes Craven

People Under The Stairs - Hang Loose
(From O.S.T. album; 2002)

Peny's Set · People Under the Stairs - The Hang Loose

As far as I'm concerned, Hang Loose is the best song People Under The Stairs ever recorded. The lads indulged in some "What would the Cold Crush Brothers say?" versification like it ain't nothin', and that's word to birds like Thanksgiving stuffing. Boring bloggers would call Hang Loose "a genre exercise in O.G old skoolisms"; me, I say "Hang Loose is two fellas having hella fun while paying homage to Rap's pioneers innit." Where similar songs by Jurassic 5 fell flat, Hang Loose comes correct by having a touch of I Got It Made absurdism. Thes One had a gold-plated pitbull made outta ice, yo his bark ain't loud, but he sure ain't nice!

Suck your mum, son, Sigmund Freud

Nine & Dex - Postman Pat
(From Postman Pat single; 2025)


Another one by the Great White Hopes/Blokes™. Personally, I'm using Postman Pat as the B-side to Shetland Pony. These fellas manage to scratch two specific itches for me: they're a Road-Rap version of MC Grindah & MC Beats who are also a British equivalent of Rio Da Yung OG & RMC Mike. Double the fun like Sweet Valley High.

The Trill That's Real (part 2)

KenTheMan - Not My N*gga (extended version)
(From Not My N*gga (extended version) single; 2023)


Another good single by KenTheMan which I'd missed. An extended version in this era? That's rarer than a copy of Beat Bop with the Basquiat artwork. We've been living in a golden age of Snooty Birds Talking Flagrant Shit-core Rap singles for these last 5 years.

cOWWWWWabunga

Max B made good music in prison, so it's not inconceivable that he can continue to drop good music when he gets outta prison next month. In a perfect world, Max would have the best post-prison comeback streak since Mac Dre. Alas, rappers fall off all the time, the world's an imperfect place and that's word to John Bender. The reality is we're probably gonna have to contend with a whole lotta dross just to get a few good choonz. Since ur boi Martavelz is the chairman of the British (surf)board let me offer The Wave God a few suggestions in who and what he needs to avoid when he gets back in the studio. The top 10 things Max B needs to steer clean of when he touches home turf:

1. Auto-Tune
2. Drake
3. Any kind of Atlanta influence
4. Anyone or anything associated with Griselda
5. VladTV, Joe Budden and the whole pathetic Rap gossip industry
6. Paul Couture beats
7. New York Drill flows
8. Alchemist collaboration albums
9. Posting gym-bore workout videos on Instagram
10. Musical collaborations with French Montana

Listen, I luh Coke Wave as much as the next Max maven, but the only time I wanna hear Max & French together in the future is if they're talking shit about Hell Rell again. Instead, let's have some more Max B & Styles P songs on a par with the Kill That Faggot remix and Hawaii 5.0.

Another thing Max should avoid is sobriety. Turning straight edge has claimed the musical-mojos of rappers as diverse as Gucci Mane and Homeboy Sandman, and is as deadly a rapper curse as cosmetic dentistry. Obviously Max shouldn't develop a raging coke habit or become an alkie or start popping opioids. Instead, get him on the 'shrooms and let's see what see the psycheVelzic era has in store. Strawberry Fields forevOWWWWWWWW.

Juke Them, Hoes (part 2)

Lil' M.U. - Top Of Cars
(From Handful maxi EP thingy; 2025)


You already know Lil' M.U's Top Of Cars is one of ur host's favourite 2025 Rap singles. But why did the original video get wiped from the internet and get replaced with a new video which is nowhere near as good? M.U let her own footwork do most of the talking in the original video, but here she mostly leaves it to her m8s to get on their good foot. Worse still, nobody even dances on top of a car second time around. Word up, the enshittification is real.

There's a From The Block performance of Top Of Cars where people in the comments are like "this beat sux!" And that is precisely why Hip-Hop kulcha is such a joke now: the audience mostly consists of dry-eared box-brains with terrible taste in music.

The Trill That's Real

KenTheMan - First
(From First single; 2024)


I'd heard loadsa singles by Texas' KenTheMan except the good one right here. A glaring omission from my favourite Rap songs by Da Ladeez 2020 to 2025 list or wot? There's also a remix with Monaleo where Monaleo says "Ima get the head first and foremost, then leave him outside like a dog at a door post." Very spiteful bird-brain Rap par excellence. Posting this one for the tru hedz who recognise & realise that KenTheMan is the new version of Lil' Fame's old m8 Big Ken. That's right, 4 Star Bitches with blokes names are back!

He's the DJ, I'm The Blogger

DJ Megadon - Do It Mega
(From Do It Mega single; 2025)


Discovered via Crimedawgbylaw's best Milwaukeee Rap songs of summer 2025 list. Rappers seldom ever make tribute songs to DJs nowadays, so DJs have to get on the mic to feel themselves in song form instead. It's REAL HIP-HOP ™ in a way that's beyond comprehension to 90s Boom-Bap plebs, and charmingly wholesome in the exact same way that Hey DJ by World's Famous Supreme Team was.

Top 5 odes to their DJs by 80s Rappers IMHO:
LL Cool J - Go Cut Creator Go (1987)
Eric B. & Rakim - Eric B. Is President (1986)
Run-D.M.C - Jam-Master Jay (1984)
Marley Marl ft. MC Shan - Marley Marl Scratch (1985)
Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Jeff Waz On The Beat Box (1989)

Late pass, gas, grass and lots of cash

Big Hongry - Early One Morning
(From Early One Morning single; 2020)


5 years late on this song, but I'm down for the count like that serf Renfield. Nas was "half-man, half-amazin'", Big Hongry is half-Afroman, half Mac Dre. Early One Morning is more goofy than mainey and it's a pity Hongry didn't run with this style because it hits distinct. Hongry is an IRL sk8er boi which means he can wear a Thrasher hoody without the ghost of NyQuil haunting him to demand he names 3 Geoff Rowley clips.

Hongry hails from Richmond, California, but Early One Morning was produced by some Swiss bloke called Quest Beatz and the video was shot in Switzerland. Damn, son - they got Lil' Debbie lookalike video hoes in Switzerland!

Generic list post: September 2025

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when I finally learned to love Rap music by white British people. Also the month when I made a list of my favourite Rap songs by the fairer sex from 2020 to 2025.

G. Dep - Reflections (1996)
Mobb Deep - Against The World (2025)
41 - Lisp (2025)
Sturdyyoungin - Respectfully (2025)
Sturdyyoungin - Bottle Wars (2025)
Duke Deuce - Run Up A Check (2025)
Duke Deuce - Brusta (2025)
LARussell & Lil' Jon - I Got Flavor (2025)
Nine & Dex - Shetland Pony (2025)
Pete & Bas - Whirlybird (2025)
Jenevieve - Head Over Heels (2025)
Real Lies - Rare Rapport (2025)

Bonus bloggin: 1nce again I'm gonna use my monthly wrap-up post to keep track of the best movies and TV shows I've been watching. * indicates rewatches dunnit.

Movies I watched and liked:
Purple Rain (1984) *
Walker (1987)
Ghost Dog: The Way Of The Samourai (1999) *
Bullet Boy (2004)
Weapons (2025)

TV shows I watched and liked:
A Remarkable Place To Die (series 1) (2024)
Neighbours (new episodes) (2025)
Only Connect (new episodes) (2025)
Mastermind (new episodes) (????)
Arsenal vs. Nottingham Forest (2025)
Newcastle United vs. Arsenal (2025)
Juventus vs. Inter Milan (2025)
Atletico Madrid vs. Rayo Vallecano (2025)
Atletico Madrid vs. Real Madrid (2025)
Match Of The Day 1 and 2 (new episodes) (2025)

HBacK

Kool John & P-Lo - Mardi Gras (Go Crazy)
(From Moovie! 2 The Yeequel album; 2024)


Apparently this is quietly becoming a big song on TikTok. Here at The Martorialist we very much approve of HBK Gang songs belatedly having a moment. Tell me when to pay attention when Don't Matter goes viral.

IamSu - Don't Matter
(From Young California album; 2011)

Bitch, I let the pipe blow like Scotsmen

Nine & Dex - Shetland Pony
(From Shetland Pony single; 2025)


Sorry not sorry for posting songs by Nine & Dex and their rapping granddads Pete & Bas in the space of 4 days. Never did I expect I would unapologetically enjoy Rap music by white English blokes, but I can't get enough of both duos at the moment. I have one slight problem of Nine & Dex tho - their use of the word FEDS. Lads, you've been Yankbrained when we have enough of our own great slanguage for the police.

Generic list post: Ladies First

Call it poultry in motion or a misandry of sound, here's my favourite Rap songs by Da Ladeez from 2020 to 2025. There's a couple of guest verses and a chorus by Da Ladz, but otherwise this is pure X chromosome gas from the queens of the yakety yak yard. Fair play, the sisters have been knockin' out killer singles for the last half decade.

GetEmTree - Intro (2020)
Flo Milli - Not Friendly (2020)
CeeFineAss ft. MoneyBagg Yo - Payback 2.0 (2020)
Saweetie - Fast (Motion) (2021)
City Girls - Twerkulator (2021)
CupcaKKe - Mosh Pit (2021)
Monaleo - We Not Humping (2022)
Day Day Sustaaa - B.A.N.P (2022)
GloRilla - FNF (Let's Go) (2022)
HitKidd ft. Slimeroni, Aleza, Gloss Up & K. Carbon - Shabooya (2022)
Lebra Jolie - What Kinda (2022)
Asian Doll ft. Bandmanrill - Get Jumped (2022)
Kenzo B - Bump It (2022)
Cookiee Kawaii - Is U Mad!? (2022)
Lady Ice - Up North (2022)
Mello Buckzz - Move (2023)
Myaap - HTS (2023)
Slimeroni - Freak Like Me (2023)
Kaliii ft. DJ Smallz 732 - KToven (2023)
Sexyy Red - Get It Sexyy (2024)
Latto - Sunday Service (2024)
Pooh The WriteR - Bestie (2024)
Doechii - Nissan Altima (2024)
Supahbadd - I Am (2024)
Daya1k ft. Kiki Tha Prize - Good (2024)
UrFavGrannie - Boy Bye (2024)
Lil' M.U - Top Of Cars (2025)
OnlyHeaven - Text (2025)
BunnaB - Mad Again (2025)
504icygrl - Work (2025)

Call me Peterchu the way I poke a man

Pete & Bas - Whirlybird
(From Whirlybird single; 2025)


Can't even consider Pete & Bas a comedy act who happen to make legit jams anymore. They're now one of the best duos in U.K Rap history who have more good songs than most of yer credible faves. Deal with it ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

You're outta luck like a dead leprechaun

G. Dep - Reflections
(From unreleased; 1997/Head Over Wheels album; 2025)


This is the only song on the CD collection of G. Dep's 1990s recordings I'd never heard before. Which is a pity because "you're outta luck like a dead leprechaun" would have been part of my daily lexicon. Reflections is that good ol' late 90s wistful N.Y Rap which sounds of its time, but what a time it was. Timeless music is all fine & dandy, but songs should also sound like messages in bottles from the era they were recorded.

Another reason why the G. Dep CD is essential: it features the no-DJ version of Dollar Bill which was previously unreleased. Great to hear even tho my brain is conditioned to hear D. Dot & DJ Ashknuckles yelling over it. YEA BOI!!! THE TEAM IS CRAZY, BOI!!!

2 All Theriouth Thinkerth

41 - Lisp
(From Lisp single; 2025)


A rap song about tryna get into a lasses' womb which sounds as ambient as the womb. Aphex Twin could never! First time I listened to this I thought it never quite took flight. But 20 seconds into the third listen I realised its restraint is its strength. Chill Guys yes indeed.

41 - Chill Guy
(From Chill Guy single; 2024)

Just To Get A Dep

Highly recommended to all Martorialist readers comes this CD of all the songs G. Dep recorded in the late 90s before he signed to Bad Boy Records. You can cop the CD here and you can hear 6 of the 9 songs on my G-Dep deep cuts playlist. CDQ versions make me scream like a struck gold, that's cold. Addicted to CDs like I'm addicted to blue cheese and TV shows from overseas.

Hat tip to Gentleman's Relief Records for releasing this shit, and to the Martorialist reader who hipped me to this release a couple of weeks back. You are appreciated like 2Pac's mum. The great irony of Head Over Wheels is that it's an even better song to walk to than drive to.

Something I learned today: the Baby Powder lass Jenevieve recently dropped an R&B homage to Head Over Wheels. What THE f*ck!?! Is she my long lost twin-sister or am I her secret A&R?

Jenevieve - Head Over Heels
(From Head Over Heels single; 2025)


Oi Jenevieve - you ever listen to Mic Terror, baby?

Keep it Sturdyy

Sturdyyoungin - Respectfully
(From Respectfully single; 2025)


If more modern Rap music took cues from Louisiana then modern Rap music would be way more fun. This Philly jam is some standard disrespectful booty-chatter about ur girlfriend that's been elevated to greater purpose by its whodyfication. Throw this in the mix alongside Shake Down by Sunnitharapper & OnlyHeaven.

**EDIT** I'm gonna use this other recent Sturdyyoungin single as the B-side to Respectfully. Very different vybz which is befitting of a song with the word Wars in its title. Okay, as wars go comparing bottles in da club is not exactly the 1223 Mongol Empire invasion of Volga Bulgari, but a battle is still a battle.

Sturdyyoungin - Bottle Wars
(From Bottle Wars single; 2025)

Duke Deuce or Dan Dare?

Duke Deuce - Run Up A Check
(From Rebirth album; 2025)


I never saw Duke Deuce without a hat or bandana before so I never even realised he had a Mekon noggin. Run Up A Check is a real slobberknocker of a song, so plz tell me it's not just a beatjack of some old Three 6 Mafia song?

Generic list post: August 2025

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when my YouTube recommendations were bombarded with Necro interview videos. YOUR FUTURE IS MORBIDITY, YOUR PRESENT IS OZEMPIC AND JUST FOR MEN BEARD DYE!

Murs - Silverlake Rec League (2025)
Murs - Chopper (thisisnotanantipolicesongthisisanantipolicehelicoptersong) (2025)
Aone ft. The Jacka & Buss Da Husalah - - Mob Right Now (2025)
Sunnitharapper ft. OnlyHeaven - Shake Down (2025)
WNC Whop Bezzy ft. 70th Street Carlos - WTF I Look Like (2025)
Monaleo - Putting Ya Dine (2025)
Ceebo - Jook (2025)
SL ft. Knucks & Sainte - Summertime (2025)
Nine & Dex - Morgan Freeman (2025)
Pete & Bas - South Eastenders (2025)
Real Lies - Let The Lips Fall Where They May (2025)

Bonus bloggin: 1nce again I'm gonna use my monthly wrap-up post to keep track of the best movies and TV shows I've been watching. * indicates rewatches dunnit.

Movies I watched and liked:
Jaws (1975) *
California Man (1992) *
Spree (2020)

TV shows I watched and liked:
Neighbours (new episodes) (2025)
Mastermind (new episodes) (2025)
Only Connect (new episodes) (????)
Arsenal vs Leeds United (2025)
Grimsby vs. Manchester United (2025)
Match Of The Day 1 and 2 (new episodes) (2025)

Other notables: also enjoyed this 1988 Kid Capri mix posted by Grime & Lime.

Slob on the Mob

Aone ft. The Jacka & Buss Da Husalah - Mob Right Now
(From Mob Right Now single; 2025)


Spotted via Ray G who reckons Jacka is "hella sweet on this hook." I concur, and the whole song is pretty sweet if you're partial to some fresh melancholy mob-music Jacka-core in your listening diet.

My Mind Spray interlude

Murs - Silverlake Rec League
(From Love & Rockets 3:16 (The Emancipation album; 2025)


Murs - Chopper (thisisnotanantipolicesongthisisanantipolicehelicoptersong)
(From Love & Rockets 3:16 (The Emancipation album; 2025)


Quick bank holiday monday thought of the day: these two personal highlights of Murs' final album are what Vince Staples' music would sound like if it didn't have someone as annoying as Vince Staples rhyming on it.

One step for man, it's a giant step for cripple kind

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Sometimes snippets really are better than songs. Case in point: Change On Me by Lil' Crip here. Name me a harder lyric in 2025 than "half cripple, half machine, I'm built like the Terminator." I'll wait.

True story: every city in Britain has a horrible, bearded alkie bloke in a wheelchair known to the locals as Ironside.

Doing It To Death

When the Grim Reaper gets on the good foot and sticks his toe in my arse, feel free to have a whip around to pay MC Hammer to dance at my funeral. Please, please, please tell me there's full footage of this Hammer tribute to James Brown?

Grandads, we love you (part 2)

Nine & Dex - Morgan Freeman
(From YouTube; 2025)


The ghostwriting grandson's of Pete & Bas return with a track which is pretty much Pecan Pie part two. The great chalky hopes are back with bars and bars like Tim Martin. LMFAO @ "and if he wanna keep playin' with the big bro then his whole family's f**ked like he's in Bread." U.K Rap exists solely to keep me amused with punchlines about Scouse shitcoms from the 1980s.

He wanna bang-bang, but when he see me in the streetz he call me gang gang

"If a n*gga cheat on me, ima cheat back
Ain't no bitch f*ckin' wit' me, I'll swat her like a gnat
If you ever kissed my n*gga just know you eatin' ass
I might lend you that n*gga just to show I'll get him back
I ain't never been no pussy, but this pussy straight gat
I got that that FIYA FIYA FIYA from the back"

Sunnitharapper ft. OnlyHeaven - Shake Down
(From Shake Down single; 2025)


Just when I thought I was gonna spend the entire week listening to nothing but The Cramps' early shit and Wham's Everything She Wants, some XXXtra p0rnish bird-Bounce pulls me back in. If I die 2nite, let my gravestone say He could never escape Rap music. Warning: this song features a very unexpected Oochie Wally interpolation when our 2 hosts are rhyming about the hoochie coochie.

Doo Doo Whop Is Strong In Here

WNC Whop Bezzy & 70th Street Carlos - WTF I Look Like
(From YouTube; 2025)


Ain't it grand when some faves who fell off hard manage to recapture the old magic? I'm down with WNC, yeah you know me. Boosie FatAzz & his Bezzy m8 back on their Berserker-Bounce shit. This song sounds like the hottest thing from the Wild West to come outta the South.