To try and put this into some sort of perspective : after numerous re-shoots and untold controversies, Valkyrie cost $90 million to make, $60 million to market and ran 124 minutes in length, yet Tom still couldn't manage to complete a task that the Hendrix of the Ukelele game pulled off with panache over 68 years earlier when he opened up a can of whup ass on das Führer in his 1940 musicomedy Let George Do It :
Where can cinema possibly go after the Pitchforkreviewsreviews twerp biographical motion picture then? I've got my money on Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg teaming up for a movie about the Brandon Soderberg vs. David from SoManyShrimp beef.
Ha! Dunno how theyre gonna adapt the c-section debate where Soderberg started goin on about mailing Dallas comics for the screen though.
The public meltdowns ruined me enjoying Cruise in films anymore, bar his turn in Magnolia which now seems like a knowing parody. He even paid homage to the interview scene in irl once:
Pity it was in Magnolia though.
But what about The Outsiders and Risky Business???????????
Not proud to admit this but I saw Valkyrie at the cinema.
Yup, sorry to say. How'm I gonna suspend disbelief on fantastical prossie adventures when my dudes only playing a very slightly altered version of himself and hes a top 5 publicly pussy-whipped bitchmade trick?
Kweli-getting-slapped-by-a-girl-and-crying-at-50's-mansion-proportions, if Fortified Live, The Blast and Get By beat are above films and performance in shite crusty student staple.
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