Thursday, 31 October 2013

Thank you Based Noz

Ryan Hemsworth's current not-at-all-suspicious ubiquity across all the big media outlets and blogs might be a standard Wavery exercise in peddling yet another shitty 5th rate, 3rd generation Cloud-Rap Tumblr flunky buddy of theirs, but Jordan Sargent's recent SPIN article suggests the blame for Hemsworth's buzz lies in slightly more innocent hands. In much the same way that Klara Hitler inadvertently gave birth to a tyrant, it transpires that Noz is accidentally responsible for the career of some Canadian indie rawk dewd who sharts out Cloud-Rap remixes of Katy Perry songs for Yung Lean and Kitty Pryde to rhyme over:


Here at The Martorialist we think blaming Noz for the relative rise of some Costco Clams Casino with an added zany mash-up gimmick straight outta 2006 is a trifle unfair. But should Noz get denied access to Heaven when he eventually pitches up to the pearly gates then it's probably because Saint Peter takes a dim view on him unwittingly setting off a chain of events which led to the existence of 2013's worst piece of music writing. Still, as Hemsworth himself explains in one of the many too-amazing-to-be-actually-true-surely? quotables from the SPIN article, accidents do happen:


If anyone from the Wavery had ever actually heard a Rap record made before 2006 they'd realise Zach G is the only rapper from their brood with any sort of talent or credibility. Rare Birds is to Bubba Sparxxx's Jimmy Mathis as LL Cool J's I Need A Beat is to It's Yours by T-La Rock, imho.

15 comments:

RMH said...

rEAL jOURNALISM

Anonymous said...

This explains why I keep seeing some guy who looks like Cage in the Hip Hop section of Fader.

Charlie said...

That Fact thinkpiece is lol

Anonymous alias of someone important said...

Fader was complicit in starting the manufactured buzz for RH from the start.

Fredo Fantano said...

O RLY?

Zach G said...

Answer my DMs, Ryan!

CrowleyHead said...

... You really just implied Zach G was worth a damn....

Next you're going to be praising Lakutis. I'm worried about you sir.

AC said...

LETS GO GET NOZ

Fredo Fantano said...

Crowley bruv, this is not a forum for you to take out your inter-Wavery squabbles with Zach G just because Rare Birds is better than anything Khalil Nova has ever recorded.

Anonymous said...

Feed them to pigs.

James said...

Never heard of Ryan Hemsworth.

Fredo Fantano said...

Yeah, I saw his name on a few websites a while back and thought he was that bloke from Mackelmore's songs.

Turns out he's a shitty Cloud-Rap hack with a few Now That's What I Call Music compilations who the Wavery are trying to push as THE NEW DIPLO!!!

CrowleyHead said...

I'm just saying, this is on you! I'm confident in nearly every terrible bit of music I cosign, no matter how terrible they end up becoming or were to start (even that Yung God track!)

Also, it doesn't help matters that Ryan Hemsworth is the only person who can unify the bad taste of The Wavery and Brandon Soderberg in complete harmony.

Fredo Fantano said...

Just realised that Shady Nate and Shady Blaze are two separate people.

Also, what's a fella gotta do to get a Zach G comment up in here?

Zach Moldof said...

Few years late, but better than never. Again, I was never part of the wavery. those fools did not like me at all.

Also, I don't think yall are seeing the whole picture here, and in spite of the fact that yall truly do enjoy attempting to make fun of me for kicks I'm gonna bless yall with a small piece of knowledge that is evading you: it's all about PR. The wavery has no power, cause those fools have no budget. There are a few PR companies, a few booking agents, and a few other various music industry folks who are tapped into this internet rap scene. They pick and choose folks from out the scene to co-opt into their businesses. it's that simple. It's folks who been in the music industry for a while who have the capacity to make money if they have artists to utilize. They source their artists from this scene.

And be respectable yall, don't be posting fake comments with my name. I stay logged in.

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