Wednesday 12 November 2014

Generic list post: It Ain't White Boy Day edition

But it is turning out to be white rapper week on The Martorialist.

Like Migos mixtapes or Christopher Nolan movies, the catalogues of white rappers are generally something to be endured rather than enjoyed. However, here at The Martorialist we were born cursed with the patience to deal with these cocky caucasians, and the willpower to listen to an awful lot of Shawshank to find that one moment of redemption - shout outs to that one good song on the second Young Black Teenagers album!

The whole squad recently sat down in a room with 1000 candles lit to meditate on this caucasoid rapper shit and we came up with this carefully curated and incontestable generic list of the twenty greatest rap songs by white ppl. Whilst we couldn't quite find room for Wipe My Ass by Robyn Fly, Home Piss by Yak Ballz or Work The Middle by Lil' Debbie, please know that, like 2Pac's mum, you are appreciated.

1. Blondie - Rapture (1981)
2. Bubba Sparxxx - Lovely (2001)
3. Beastie Boys - What Comes Around (1989)
4. A-Wax - Be Together (2004)
5. 3rd Bass - Monte Hall (1989)
6. Haystak - Hell Haw (2008)
7. S.C.C & Lil' Boosie - Livin' What I'm Spittin' (2004)
8. Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX - Fancy (2014)
9. Edan - Emcees Smoke Crack remix (2002)
10. Shamrock & Jackie Chain - Pacman (2009)
11. Kreayshawn - Gucci Gucci (2011)
12. Paul Wall & Chamillionaire - The Other Day (2002)
13. Yelawolf - Beer Buzz (2008)
14. Necro - Rugged Shit (1999)
15. Rittz - Nowhere To Run (2011)
16. Smut Peddlers - One By One Revamped (2000)
17. Puffy Dee - Joe Blow (1985)
18. T-Bo & Mike Da Hustla - #1 Headbusters (2000)
19. R.A The Rugged Man - How Low (2004)
20. White - Code Name (2010)


L.A said...


hotbox said...

Shout out to the martorialist for putting me on to A-wax. Dude is quickly becoming one of my favorite "new" rappers. No Tarrie B?

Unknown said...

This blog is too funny

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Good call. Murder She Wrote is definitely an honourable mention.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Robyn, Wipe My Ass and Side Piece should have been as big as Fancy.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Father forgive me, but I forgot By 2 Da Bad Guy by Lil' Wyte w/ DJ Paul from this list. Definitely top 10 material.

David said...

Lack of Juicee Kouture is a slip-up, not only does it mention using code names but shamrock is in the video

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

All bases covered.

2SHIN said...

just came into the comments section to complain about this list not having anything by lil whyte on it but i see thats been corrected.

but there's still some glaring omissions from this list imo:

* brian austin green - you send me
* dream ft. kain cioffie - this is me remix
* crazy town - butterfly

smdh you're slipping pal

Ettelthun said...

J Force's 'For All Thoze' = Best rap song from an Italian kid from Staten Island.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Damn, son, 2$hin got me bleedin' out here with that Butterfly omission, son.

David said...

+1 for "Butterfly"

PM Shawn Wigz said...

Sleeping on Tony Mortimer after him redeeming trip hop whisper spoken word too

soft white said...

+this is important work and that Drexl picture is my new desktop background.

Anonymous said...

soooo these are songs for if you have some inexplicable and pretty hilarious pretension about not including something off of mr marshall q. shady's first three albums right?
cool yea cause iggy could crumble Em, fancy's some raw sh*t

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Fancy knocks harder than any song Eminem has ever made, and she's got a better rap voice.

LOL @ Tip in that video.

L.A said...

You have a gun to your head and must pick 1 Eminem song!!

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Guilty Conscience and it isn't even close.

Feel like Eminem should be disqualified from this list for being the worst producer ever and brainwashing non-saltine rappers that their music should sound like his.

That last Kevin Gates album was mostly ruined by its Eminem album cut soundin' ass-type production, for example.

David said...

The best Eminem song is obv "My Fault" the only upbeat song on his major label debut is a record about an accidental shrooms overdose

step one said...

I'd struggle to get a decent 5 track EP from Em's first 3 albums.

calvin said...

that's a legitimate complaint, the shitty beatmaking, eminem seems to share taste in production with a 17 year-old nickelback fan — everything's got to be as dark and brooding as ~life~ is for him, or something.

with that said: 1) it works sometimes, 'renegade' being probably the best realization of it; 2) seems weird to punish him for an undue influence he earned over an entire genre DESPITE his shite production because he writes rhymes like Ben Roethlisberger/post-office worker and Peneleope Cruz/Developing boobs. It'd take Iggy fifteen years and another three co-writers to put those down

Guilty Conscience is a good choice for when the eminem vigilantes do come knocking. Slim Shady LP is important in part because of the structural moves he makes, and guilty conscience is probably the most exciting (in part because Dre has such a burly recognizable voice that works so well as the eventually fallen angel). But still got to give a nod to a couple tracks on Infinite. Given your preference for golden-age production, borderline 80's bangers made in the 90's I'd guess Tonite would be the track.
Can't buy rhymes like that (dropping naughty hints to the finest women in the audience, oh lordy) Probably got to get over the AZ-ripped nasal thing, but hey: before the white boy blossomed, illmatic was so ahead.

I'd be interested to read you write about lyrics/structure jn hiphop — who it is (ignoring beats/hooks) that does the most interesting stuff for your ear in terms of rhyme and story/full song structure. I think I've read you on Slick Rick and would definitely expect the ruler at the top of your list, but I wonder who else you'd name

jeezy should have had a song called white power said...

Its kinda funny I've just realised that having accused Eminem.of ripping off his mentally ill white boy schtick in the past, Cage unconsciously aped Shady by turning into an emo misery guts later on.

Eminem "role model" FTW his most classic song in recentish years ="ass like that "

I went off Necro when I realised he sounds like Sylvester the Cat.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

That's the first time I've ever heard anything from Infinite. It's really true about him rapping like AZ back then.

As far as rappers who do the most "interesting stuff for (my) ear in terms of rhyme and story/full song structure" - Spoonie Gee, Juvenile, Lil' Wayne, Ice Cube, Ma$e, Suga Free, AZ, and Boosie.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Lil' Chris too.

Unknown said...

If Eminem made an entire album of songs similar to "Just don't give a fuck" in the slim shady era it could of been dope cause I cant deny he's pretty damn good at battle raps. Instead he did the opposite and has a whole catalog of shit music.

David said...

Early Eminem is still pretty cool to me. First two albums. People who like "Infinite" are like guys who think "Overly Dedicated" is a classic or that "Reasonable Doubt" is the best Jay Z album

2160 said...

Worrrdd to spoonie and mase, spoonie doesn't get talked about enough especially. Wayne's real talent comes in simile. not so much wildly original rhyme schemes or structures BUT no one does better with full bar simile rhymes where the first half-bar is devoted to making sense of the later simile "Beatin' up this track like a muthafuckin' round-fist / Blind, deaf, or crazy, I'mma spit like a long kiss" — he's the sensei of the simile, basically the Young money style that let's drake and Nicki do what they do.

If you loathe Em's later stuff and haven't heard Infinite you might dig it more. I actually prefer it to 90% of his post-2000 work, even though he says he doesn't think it sounds like him and was still 'trying to find his voice' or whatever. His influence from Nas and Mobb and Kool G is pretty up front, second verse of 313 has some of the most nimble battle brags he's ever made — 'My facility's filled with fans packed to capacity / I send a rapper back with the crack of his as shitty' ouch. title track is raw, open mic's hook is endlessly sampleable and he tears it down

Tru point on the deranged white boy swag being bitten. It's weird to think about what personae are actually viable for white rappers: really there's only psychotic mental patient (in addition to cage and necro, i think yelawolf unsurprisingly picks it up and then even rugged man does that sht -- see cunt Renaissance) orrrr white guys do the righteous do-gooder/poet a la Aesop Rock/brother Ali/rhymesayers homies — maybe there's the stoner thing too, But i guess really the point is: it's tough to pull off swaggy trappy braggy banger when you look like fucking a tennis player

Zara said...

Just saw this in the "Wipe My Ass" sidebar and it's awesome