Monday 3 November 2014

Just sayin', bruv # 9

Yup, it's another installment of unpopular opinions. As ever, think of this edition as little more than a repository for actual facts I've not been able to shoehorn into any other posts the past few months.

The only edit of Move That Dope that ever needs to exist is one which consists of the hook looped for a minute either side of Pharrell's verse.

Not gonna front like the chorus of All About The Money doesn't sound pretty damned good in the mix on Westwood, but Troy Ave needs to accept that he peaked two years ago with I Know Why You Mad and his legacy now depends on if he can fully commit to filling the void Hell Rell created as the accidental butt of everyone's best jokes.

The past 12 months have turned out to be a very fruitful period for great songs from the most unlikeliest of rappers and N.Y rappers who've been washed up for a decade: Fancy by Iggy Azalea; GDFR by Flo Rida; We Dem Boyz by Wiz Khalifa; the trilogy of No Option, Show Me and Body Language by Kid Ink; Drunk AF by B.o.B; Paradise by Big Sean; Save It For The Birds by Ben J of the New Boyz; Work The Middle and I Do My Thang by Lil' Debbie; Thriller by JuJu & Tragedy Khadafi; Nothing by Ma$e; 187 by M.O.P.

Considering it's modus operandi seems to be Tink Got Gunz, Try Me by Dej Loaf is one lifeless wet blanket soundin'-ass song.

Slim 400 & TeeFlii's Kno Where The Party @ needs a video so it can do for Slim what Ride Wit' Me did for RJ, and teach me how you're supposed to dance to it properly. I've tried everything from the Pee Wee Herman to the Mr Miyagi but I always end up tying myself up in knots because that beat makes me feel like I've got dissolving mushroom platforms under my feet and Koopa Troopas chasing me.

Until Gucci Mane gets out of the bing in 2016, Zaytoven should be contractually obliged to give his best beats to CoCo Kiss & her mates rather than let them end up in the clutches of some boring Trap 101 pudding like Young Scooter or someone whose voice sounds like a tom tit on a round of beef over his production like Young Dolph.

When a 35 year old Jewish novelty-rapper with a very dodgy penchant for girls of high school age dropped a certified 5/5 slap with Clyde Carson this past summer, even the Aryan Brotherhood were forced to admit that rap is the only genre of music that matters any more.

His music might be glorified-Fadercore rubbish, but Makkonnen does serve a purpose for all of us My So Called Life fans who've often idly wondered what Rickie would look like in 2014 if he'd spent the past 20 years pigging out on junk food.


Lost Art said...

LMAO @ the last.

Amor de Rey said...

*Predator handshake* on the "Try Me" assessment but you swerved and lost me at the Scooter disrespect. Teh Black Migo Gang founder is my favorite dude out Atlanta right now. Go play Future's, "Dirty Sprite" mixtape (genuine 8.5/ 10 project) and dude from Lil Mexico will make some inroads.

Count Up!

yeldarb said...

the big sean song with e-40 is good too.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

That song is painful to listen to, Bradley.

Rey, I'm going to have to pass on Young Scooter's generic cocaine raps.


Amor de Rey said...

ass fat but can she make cocaine??

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Rey, unrelated but entirely serious question: have you ever been tempted to photoshop the pic of Will High in the red sweatsuit + headband behind A-Wax on the cover of CONceptz & CONtradicitionz?

Queezy said...

Those Coli threads about Troy Ave have got me crying.

Drew said...

"Main Bitch" is a tune too.

Bork said...

Surely the best current Zaytoven collaborators are Migos?

CrowleyHead said...

Honestly thought "Try Me" was a 5th tier HBK affiliate single when it dropped, the E-40 remix didn't help.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Migos have made 3 songs I like - Hannah Montana, Y.R.N w/ Young Thug, and Fight Night.

None of them are Zaytoven beats.

d said...

Bieber denied a future :(

lol @ the last paragraph

"a tom tit on a round of beef" is this some english ppl shit

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Need to get someone to do an investigative article on how Big Sean ended up with Bieber's DJ Mustard song.