MF Doom's best track since the glory days of Operation Doomsday?

I've been pretty much disappointed by everything MF Doom has dropped since Operation Doomsday aside from the odd tune here and there and Madvillain, which took a while to worm its way into my brain as i'm a square who thought Doom only excelled over his own beats, so i was fairly indifferent about his new album, but i'm pleasantly suprised that i've liked everything which has leaked from it so far, with the exception of that new version of the Ghostface tag-team Angelz with the clunky tagged-on drums which make it lumber where it once soared.

This got me thinking what his best post-Operation Doomsday tune is. You don't have to be Gail Grimble (Palin is so 2008, darling; It's all about Trimble in 2009) to know that it's I Hear Voices part 2 but that'd be too obvious a choice and, besides, it doesn't count as it was on the reissue of Op' Doomsday. Madvillain is great but it works better as something you experience as a whirlwind whole as opposed to singling out specific tracks.

Fast Lane with Kurious from the King Geedorah album is magnificent but that's also disqualified due to it not having Doom rapping on it, so his finest post-Operation Doomsday moment has gotta be Mic Line, his solo track from the otherwise woeful Monsta Island Czars group album :

MF Doom - Mic Line



Where does that sample come from? Isn't it some Stevie Wonder cover which was on that Bobbito & DJ Spinna mix?

Short dog's in the house

I knew Curren$y was short but i thought he was more Prodigy and Havoc than Bushwick Bill. Apparently not :



Should his rap career not provide prosperous enough to keep him in jeans brought from the pre-teen section then there'll always be a role for him in the inevitable Time Bandits remake which will probably happen within the next couple of years.

Anywho, i'm rather feelin' his latest tune. Less of that Lupe-lite bullshit he's been doing since his split from Ca$h Money Records (though only a true curmudgeon could deny the cover concept of his Fast Times At Ridgemont Fly mixtape) and more Clipse-esque (those haunted forrest oboes are pure Hell Hath No Fury) by the way of vintage N.O with a laconic drawl that's vaguelly reminiscent of Young Bleed replacing his usual slightly gay lithpy voice. More of this cold gang$ta shit please, Curren$y.

Curren$y - Scared Of Monsters



And on the subject of rappers with dollar signs in their name who've been left in limbo by Ca$h Money Records here's an underrated favourite song of mine by All $tar. Just give me some introspective melancholy southern gang$ta-rap and i'm happier than a chinaman in a trigonometry competition.

All $tar - Keep Doing My Thing

Martorial elegance # 14

How very apt that his ring-of-Saturn balloon headband has twisted itself into the shape of an impaled cocks 'n' balls.



According to Claire Tits this Thunderbirds puppet resembling streak of piss is on the sex offenders register. Now, perhaps this salacious rumour is merely a filthy lie intended to besmirch the character of an innocent bloke but here at The Martorialist we subscribe to the theory of guilty-until-proven-otherwise and should it transpire that he's not a kiddie fiddler then he's still commited the heinous crime of being a bum-bag wearing crackhead street entertainer who has a ponytail, which is just as bad as trying to lure young kids onto the tip of his cock with promises of balloon animals and sweeties.

Our real beef here, however, stems from the fact that he has a black girlfriend. Granted she's smokin' hubba rocks too but can you believe that shit? Every time a black chick dates some dirtbag chocolate-shark cracker a microcosm of the universe's swirling soul evaporates forever thus sending us all a little closer to cosmic-oblivion.

Turf Talk ft. San Quinn & Mac Dre - Hubba Rock

Martorial elegance # 13

Yeah, so we're kinda feelin' the reemergence of the Ushanka because anything has to be better than seeing waves of fucking N-Dubz hats every time you step outside your front door but a purplely blue felt flasher-trenchcoat and some techy New Balance runners?

Together as one outfit?

With the possibility of the woman being in her birthday suit underneath?



Curtains - It's The Shoes



Kudos to Killa B for the pic.

Teach da babies, Cameron

DX:

On a lighter note, in your time away, the phrase “no homo” really took off. You’ve been a trendsetter. At the same time, as you took this time away, did at any point, you think that phrase got out of hand?

Cam’ron:

Nah. Like I said, ‘cause it isn’t like people didn’t know where it originated from. A couple times it was crazy, ‘cause a friend of mine’s son is like three or four. [He] thought Lil Wayne made up “no homo,” but the younger kids are gettin’ into it too, like infants are no-homoing.

Greatest movie scenes ever part 2

There's nowt quite like a good legging, is there? When i go jogging and i'm literally breathing out of my arse after about 15 minutes i like to nullify the pain by reminiscing on my misspent youth with the times we used to get legged by various Mandog family members after pelting their house with eggs and calling the Mandog-mum a fat inbred slag to get me through the burn-barrier that every runner hits.

A far less healthy but infinately more enjoyable option would be to feel the exhilaration of the chase, sans the unpleasant knackering side-effects or possibility of being caught by an irate mong who wants to chin you in revenge for casting aspersions on whether his mother fornicated with her brother to produce him, by simply watching the running chase scene featuring the Wanderers and the Fordham Baldies from the long forgotten 1979 flick about 60s gangs The Wanderers :



5 reasons why this is the apex of movie chase scenes :

1. Dago Wanderers gang members getting legged through a labyrinth of Bronx tennement courtyards, passageways and backstreets by shaven headed WASP Baldies gang members after Joey Wanderer has the nerve to compare the Baldies to pricks with ears. Or is it ears without pricks?

2. Wanderers head honco Richie blowing off the broad that he's balls-deep in in a well intentioned but ultimately wasted effort to come to the aid of his fellow Wanderers only to end up getting legged himself when he learns that it's the universally feared Baldies chasing them.

3. Wipe-Out by The Surfari's soundtracking the epic legging.

4. Perry AKA the low-rent sub-Stallone Itallian Stallion who would later find fame as Meat in Porky's (he was briefly in Die Hard 2 too as the fake construction worker who shoots the guy in the church) appearing from nowhere to rescue the cornered, outnumbered Wanderers by going Iron-Mike on a slew of Baldies, including the chap who would later go on to become Horace Pinker in Shocker/Skinner in the X Files.

5. The matchpick chewing Perry and the Fat Joe resembling Baldies Boss Terror indulging in a poker-faced, narrow-eyed Leone-esque stand off before..well, you'll have to watch it to find out the valediction but it's all about the journey, darling.

Ghostface ft. Jadakiss - Run

I don't gotta be in your house to fuck up your couch

Youz lot took that shit too literally. Like ex-QuizTV babe Sara Damergi used to say: "think laterally, not literally." Allow Oakland native and hater-extrodinaire Bailey to explain the real meaning of Fuck your couch:



"Jheah, fuck your couch, n*gga
lemme tell you about this shit:
If the po-lice come around this muthafucker messin' up your paper - they fuckin' up your couch....."

Bailey - Fuck Yo' Couch

Martorial elegance # 12

In the same way that Levi's are pretty much the blueprint for any good jeans (and a few less than decent ones too), JNCO are the prototype for the gazebo-like denim disasters that look tailor made for Holly Willoughby in her current behemoth state which keep cyber-goths, cyber-ravers and a whole carnival of other cyber-cunts dipped in ridiculous 32" width hem kecks with rear detailing.

Only, instead of the sewn-in spacko graffiti fonts and Funkdoobiest LP cover-esque goateed characters with blunts of JNCO's, we now get sub-culture specific strains with the cyber-goth variety featuring studs, skulls and various other shit you can only get away with wearing if you're Kerry, Lemmy or Glenn.

Please take note Juelz et Jim. Seriously.