Tuesday 3 May 2022

Shinola songs from the shittiest artists (part 3)

Babylon back in business, can I get a witness? Nobody's favourite Martorialist series returns for a 3rd installment.

House Of Pain - Shamrocks And Shenanigans
(From House Of Pain album; 1992)



Has a rapper ever suffered a more embarrassing identity crisis than Everlast? My man went from slangin' pizza pies to drankin' Guinness pints to singin' like Wooden Guthrie to rebranding himself as Necro & Ill Bill's Uncle Doughie. Shamrocks And Shenanigans manages to cram every awful Plastic Paddy 'Murican cliche into a single song, but but I'm always willing to suffer its many sins for the payoff of that chorus over DJ Muggs' beat. Plus, unlike Jump Around, it hasn't suffered the indignity of being used as entrance music for one of the most miserable bastards in Darts.

Robbie Williams - Rock DJ
(From some Robbie Williams album; 2000)



Could Stoke's most irksome boy-band singer do it on a metaphorical cold night at the Britannia Stadium? Yes, but only when his songwriting genius svengali Guy Chambers composed a ladult PJ & Duncan song for the former Fat Dancer From Take That™. 99% of Robbie Williams songs would be vastly improved if they were sung by anybody other than Williams. To his absolute credit, Rock DJ is the 1% which couldn't have been sung by anybody other than Williams.

Krept & Konan ft. Jeremih - Freak Of The Week
(From The Long Way Home album; 2015)



How did a Derek C & Derek D like Krept & Konan procure themselves a Jeremih hook and DJ Mustard's remake of the mighty Playground Riddim? It's a mystery, Scooby Doo. Tbf, it's a good job they did because Mustard's beat might have ended up in Tyga's clutches and there isn't a soul on Earth who wanted a reprise of his Coconut Juice fake-Rastamon patois. One of the very few instances where British Rap did it better.

19 comments:

L.A said...

Wtf happened in that Robbie Williams video??

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

😄 It's the uncensored version which was only ever shown on late night TV

Spartan said...

This review of Everlast's Rhyme Syndicate album, Forever Everlasting is hilarious.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Hall of fame review.

First saltine rapper with a flattop/ponytail combo.

Anonymous said...

I like this series. Though I prefer your "Great songs from forgotten albums" selections.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

That series is a blast from the past. I stopped doing them because the forgotten part was a bit misleading.

step one said...

Not having Williams encroaching into Rap blog territory. Awful stuff. House Of Pain's dopest might just be Word Is Bond, which Diamond D really should've given to literally anyone else. Beat is butta yo.

Anonymous said...

Forget about Freak of the Week. Glad Jeremih’s healthy again after his COVID scare.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

DJ Lethal didn't even have a great, great grandfather who was part Irish. What a group of posers!

Yohan said...

I thought you would mean Shamrocks and Shenanigans when you mentioned you thought House of Pain had one good track a while back. The cringe-factor of the verses is a tad too high for me, but the beat and chorus are nice no doubt.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Your style is wack
You ain't the mack
So, yo, step back
Get off the crack"


Proto Lil' Dap minimalist poetry.

Ben said...

Hearing a beat like that makes me sad we could of got Lord Finesse, Grand Puba, or just about any of the great rappers of that era to make a great song instead we got some cuck doing try hard struggle raps.

kprice45 said...

I think David Banner has had a FAAR worse identity crisis than Everlast, but as far as white rappers he's up there.

him and Cage who if anything was ahead of his time in showing that the line between horrorcore and "sad" emo rap isn't that big

kprice45 said...

also Konan is Delroy Wilson's son

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Good trivia.

tbf to Cage, he never went from pretending he was Mobster Balboa to pretending he was Mad Dog McErik from the IRA.

Spartan said...

Don't understand the love for Run the Jewels, but I dig Don't Get Captured. Might be because it interlopes a well known sci-fi TV show much like Company Flow's Info Kill sampled a famous sci-fi film. Either way, they're the only tracks produced by the Hipster Vangelis, that get any repeat play from me.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

I quite like the instrumental of End To End Burners. HustleCrowe got his whole Swag right down to his Rap hands from El P in that video 💀

Spartan said...

Getting to the point Hustlecrowe and Crimeapple are becoming indistinguishable.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Lmao.