Sunday, 13 June 2010

Martorial Elegance # 42

This is pretty much the architectural equivalent of a lobster-red sunburn tanned flabby 40 year old bloke in a tight nylon England shirt, 3/4 length cargo shorts and a bulldog tattoo :



So much so, in fact, that a person of that desciption walking up the road behind us barked "what you cunts taking pictures of?" before we hastily retreated to the safety of Sha Deezy's ride and got the hell outta dodge.

I really tried to get into the Eng-er-lund spirit of things yesterday. My BFF and I headed to a bar in the early afternoon to keep one eye on the Argentina game and one eye on the vodka & waters (it's all about the paradoxical balance of liver-rotting poison and the nectar of life) and ran into some extended associates, but come 5 o'clock when cretins with painted faces were turning up in droves and breaking into sing-a-longs of Three Lions and Wonderwall, any vague pretense of bonhomie was replaced by contempt and it was time to bounce.

On the plus side of things, though, I made the money I lost betting on a 1 - 1 draw on the France vs. Uruguay game on friday night back by successfully calling the England vs. America game as a 1 - 1 draw. U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A!



Clarence Boddicker : "Well, give the man a hand!"



On a related note, DJ's superb chronicle of the World Cup, and Dom's World Cup wall chart of rap part 1 are essential reading.

10 comments:

brad said...

dj has been absolutely killing it

dj said...

I can't bring myself to watch the England matches in public: just too many cunts. On Saturday it was me, my dad, Mrs dj and the baby. Mrs dj gave me and the old man an amount of stick after we clapped, and post-Green I merely watched in a terse silence. The old man went to "tidy up the garden" at half time.

Friday should be a cakewalk, but I think I'm going to drink lager from 12:30 to make sure I don't give a shit either way: I much prefer being pissed (2000, 2002, 2004, 2006) to caring about Ingerland (1990, 1992, 1996, 1998).

Is that vodka and fizzy water, or just vodka and water?

MF said...

Regular water.

It just seems like the perfect combination to me (the vodka gets you quickly smashed yet doesn't cause hangovers or contribute to a beer-belly; the water goes towards the 1.5 - 2 litres you're supposed to drink a day and helps you to quickly piss out most of the toxins from the vodka), but asking for it in anywhere other than my regular gets me puzzled "double-vodka and what..?" queries from bar staff.

I'm gonna try the pub again for the next game, but don't hold out much hope.

Mr Bozack said...

Watching England in pubs is about as painful as it gets - nearly as painful as our performance. Fuck me, I hope we sort it out a bit - just to avoid the indignity of being spanked by the Krauts in the next round.

Nice of Lamps to do his disappearing act on cue...

MF said...

Fuckin' "captain marvelous" Stevie G and his flukey goal.

dj said...

Lamps gave me a proper shafting after all that talking up I gave him. It won't be the last time I look like a plum though. I think Lamps will score vs Algeria though.

Mr Bozack said...

Fuck me, Carlton Palmer could score against Algeria. Fatty'll be alright though when Barry's back to free him up.

Come on then - I embarassed myself by admitting where my allegiances lie - fess up - who do you support? And you MF? Trying to think who's more anti-Liverpool than Chels or Man U...Everton? Juve?

MF said...

Rushden & Diamonds.

dj said...

Southampton. Still reeling over Rickie Lambert's exclusion from at least the 30 man squad.

Mr Bozack said...

Well, at least dj's is sort of believable...

Sponsors