Thursday, 3 June 2010

Rafa rofl

It's definately a Bananarama sorta day today.

Bananarama - Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye)

It's the moment this blog has been waiting for ever since we gave birth to it that night back in 2008. No, we haven't stumbled on a Judith from Eggheads narrated sextape of Victoria Coren lezzing off with the Sweet Valley High twins, but it really is the next best thing imaginable as we can finally say Ciou to the managerial genius who thought it was a good idea to play Harry Kewell in a champions League final and piss Xavi Alonso off so much that he left.

Football is still a bit of a Draconian sport sometimes, though. Not because of goalline camera technology not being utilized to the fullest or boring anything like that, but more because it hasn't adopted tactics from the sport of the gods : wrestling. Why, if your team is losing, can't your manager and substitutes run onto the field wielding chairs and get the game nullified, and why aren't managers relinquished of their positions subjected to humiliating leaving rituals in front of baying crowds?

Na Na Na Na
Na Na Na Na
Hey Hey

Now, if Gerrard can manage to score an own goal in England's first World Cup game to turn himself into a national figure of hate and have people finally wake up to the fact that he really is little more than a slightly above-average player who comes up with the odd flukey goal which then results in Capello dropping him to allow a holding midfielder to play with Fat Frank instead then, gosh, this is going to be the bestest World Cup since 1994.

This fall from grace would also result in Mourinho coming to his senses and realising that Gerrard is the last player on earth he needs at Madrid and instead securing the signature of the one English player who's absolutely tailor made for the Mourinho style of play : Rory Delap.

Bananarama - Cruel Summer


bradley said...

phil brown 4 liverpool!

MF said...

Better yet, Mark Wright.

Mr Bozack said...

God, I'd love it if they got Keegan in...LOVE IT etc.

P.S. Lampard's the overrated one.

MF said...

You buggin'.

More goals, more medals, more versatile, less injury prone, less liable to give away crucial backpasses, never had an absolute stinker of a season like Gerrard's last, doesn't attack innocent djs in bars because they won't let him on the decks to play Scouse House, doesn't answer every post-match question with "Yeah, no, yeah.." in a high-pitched whine.

dj said...

Lampard is far, far better than Gerrard. Lamps is a titan.

The Metro claimed that Kenny Dalglish was favourite for the post. Kenny Dalglish!

It's pretty hard to evaluate the Benitez era objectively. His record over the period is nearly identical to Wenger's (his net-spend obviously isn't), except for the European Cup that Lady Luck decided to award to Liverpool, and the fact that when Arsenal were twice threatened with falling out of the top four, they knuckled down and won some matches, whereas Liverpool went into meltdown.

He didn't do that badly, he didn't do that well.

There is a sense of amusement at his departure, but I sense what follows at Liverpool will be far more amusing. As an Italia 90 era football convert, I would far rather it be Man United that seriously fell from grace, but I will happily settle for Liverpool. Take Reina, Mascherano, Aquilani, Gerrard and Torres out the side, and they'll not even be the best club in their own city.

Apologies for length, as I've so often had cause to say.

MF said...

Apparently Dalglish is going to be deciding who gets the job rather than taking it himself. My money's still on Mark Wright.

This quote from David Maddock in The Mirror today had me gawping at the page in disbelief :

Gerrard, Torres, Reina, and Mascherano are arguably the best in their positions in the world


Mr Bozack said...

Lampard ain't all that.

Great scoring record obviously but doesn't run a game like Gerrard can. Lampard goes missing against better teams as well (see the Inter game, for example). If they'd swapped clubs last season I don't reckon we'd be having this conversation - but then, I'm a Gillingham fan so what the fuck do I know?

MF said...

DJ - care to explain to Mr Bozack why Lampard is better than Gerrard and the best England midfielder of the last 5 years?

dj said...

You'd think a Gills fan would know a real midfielder when he saw one, what with Andy Hessenthaler playing over 16,000 games for the club. LOLZ.

I don't want you to think I think either of these would get into a world XI or anything, but I think Lampard is a more accurate passer, since he doesn't look to play Hollywood balls all the time. He is more defensively aware, which is why he plays deeper under Capello for England. He does far more effective defensive work for Chelsea than Gerrard does for Liverpool, especially from the left side of a three man midfield. He scores more goals from a deeper position.

I think you're wrong about the game running aspect as well: I don't think either is a playmaker really. Gerrard has scarcely ever run a game, he's far more of an impact player. When he used to play central midfield instead of 10, he always used to get bossed by Vieira or Keane. Gerrard had Alonso to make the play for the best five years of his career, just like he had Hamann to shield him when he was coming through. Lampard is similar, but hasn't had someone else like Alonso to do his passing, so is more capable.

You're right about the Inter game, of course, but then they swallowed up Barcelona pretty effectively as well.

Neither is as good as Andy "WhoelsebutStevenGerrard" Gray would have us believe, but Lamps is the better player: history will remember that as well, unless Gerrard shifts pretty quickly.

MF said...

There we go.

Lampard not "running games like Gerrard" had to be Mr Bozack's idea of irony since Gerrard is the best example of the archetypal midfielder who doesn't do shit for 80 minutes and then pops up with 2 goals in 5 minutes precisely 10 seconds after you've just turned to your mate and sarcastically if he's been substituted.

Mr Bozack said...

Haha, you boys Man U or Chelsea then!?

Props for the Hess (recently returned to the Gills as manager) namecheck dj - he's certainly the best German midget we've ever had. And, to be fair, if you'd had the misfortune to see the the filth masquerading as midfielders for the Gills over the past few years then you'd appreciate why I probably DON'T know a real midfielder when I see one...

I agree with a lot of what you say but still think fatty goes invisible in too many of the big ones (when the likes of Ballack, Essien etc can't keep bailing him out) and the "defensive" and "passing" points are highly debatable (hearing the "Hollywood" shout though). Sort of agree about the Gerrard "impact" thing but don't reckon that's always been the case - last season he was surrounded by so much turd it was barely worth him turning up.

All irrelevant anyway - they certainly can't play together in front of a crippled defence so you'd imagine we're looking at the good ol', time - honoured, stumble past the wank in the group followed by massively predictable penalty balls up scenario...

MF said...

I'm neither, but I'm guessing DJ is Chelsea since he refers to Terry as "J.T" as opposed to any of the names non-Chelsea supporters have for him.

But, seriously : Ballack bailing Fat Frank out? Ballack? You have to be being ironic again.