Just sayin', bruv # 2

When in doubt that you can make it to 18 posts in a month, knock out another another Unpopular Opinions banger before exiting stage left pursued by Wu-Tang fanboys wielding pitchforks and torches :

A decade on from the release of The Cold Vein, the 2 members of Cannibal Ox are now remembered as being little more than the poor man's Yak Ballz.

Any Rap blogger who quacks themselves into a think piece frenzy over a try-hard broad with a irritating penchant for Rapping in Muppet Baby/Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins voices is clearly a sexist pig with possible rapist tendencies if they haven't also afforded a similar amount of thought to Pussy by Lady and I Need A Hitta by Katie Got Bandz.

Lyrically and production wise, Ain't My Type Of Hype by Full Force from the House Party OST is undoubtedly superior to anything on Wu-Tang Forever.

Non-north American citizens should be banned from Rapping, because far too many words have been wasted trying to get to the crux of why Drake's music is so odious when the problem simply boils down to Canadians being deeply sexless people who are incapable of sounding commanding on the mic.*

There isn't a single song in the entire Odd Future catalogue that jams as hard as I'm Mikey by The Cool Kids or Too $hort Back by Sir Michael Rocks.

The only people who honestly enjoy the music of SpaceGhostPurrp are dudes with Tumblr pages dedicated to posting Youtube videos of Einsturzende Neubaten, Grime freestyles and dance music that nobody has ever danced to in a club.

If his appeal for a retrial was successful, it's unlikely that Max B could replicate his 2008 - 2009 form so it's probably best for his legacy that he stays in prison until 2040 at the very earliest.

The last 2 paragraphs in the PayTray blog post entitled An Autobiographical Post On Rap And The White Guy about the site's author insulting his family's web programmers in a business meeting after repeatedly listening to Mia X's You Don't Wanna Go 2 War manages to convey the appeal of Rap music more eloquently than anything ever written by Shaheem Reid.

NYC Rap and possibly even Rap as a whole would be far better off if Jay-Z had retired after Big Scoob and Shyheim out-spat him on Big Daddy Kane's mediocre 1994 posse cut Show And Prove.

The main problem with Rap blogging in 2012 has nothing to do with the last 3 months being a dry spell for good music, and everything to do with the medium being precisely 70% less funny now that most of the marquee Rap bloggers conduct their pissing contests about which of them shares the closest affinity with real life black ppl in short sharp bursts on Twitter rather than protracted name-calling contests in comment sections.

(* Don't trip, Boothe - Brits are also deeply sexless people who are incapable of sounding commanding on the mic.)

The Rap Dutch Henry Brown

Tip of the twelve gallon hat to DB Tha General for Ghetto Cowboy from his latest album because, more than any other form of entertainment, Gangsta-Rap is a continuation of many of the themes prevalent in the Western movie; be that the classic American Westerns of the 30s, 40s, 50s and early 60s, Sam Peckinpah's Mexico films, the more lurid Spaghetti Westerns of the late 60s to mid 70s, and even a satirical parody like Blazing Saddles * :

"What you runnin' for? You thought you was gonna get shot?
My n*ggas end shit, period, GOT!
You runnin' off at the mouth, my bullets is gettin' hot
You want me to take him out? John F. in the drop"

DB Tha General - Ghetto Cowboy
(From I Shine, We All Shine album; 2012)


There'll surely come a day when old Western themes become the sample choice du jour for Rap producers, and that day really needs to result in someone spitting over the Burt Bacharach and Hal David composed theme from John Ford's 5/5 classic The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance which Gene Pitney later recorded after Ford dumped the original song from the movie's OST :

Gene Pitney - (The Man Who Shot) Liberty Valance
(From Only Love Can Break A Heart album; 1962)


(* Forget his touted Juice remake, Soulja Boy needs to star as sheriff Bart in a reworking of Blazing Saddles.)

Beat your ass like a slave, you a runaway

This post is brought to you by the highlight of that new NhT Boyz mixtape, their best song since Block and an indicator that their relentless barrage of zingers somehow sound best over sparse basslines that are barely there like Mannie Fresh eyebrows :

"Temper's black, tell 'em that it's ugly - call it Macy Gray"

NhT Boyz - Freeway
(From Yangland mixtape; 2012)


Ayo 2$hin - I double-dog dare you to try and make a compelling case for rubbin' one out to Macy Gray over on the new fangled I Don't Care If You Wouldn't, I Would Tumblr page.

Reasons why I love Youtube # 24

That 30 minute compilation video of James Brown's Future Shock TV show from some blog I linked to last april is now on the 'tube in 3 chunks :






Once a year we should all make a pilgrimage to James' magical 1975 ATLanta paradise where PVC met PCP over such J.B Disco-era classics as Hot (I Need To Be Loved, Loved, Loved, Loved), Body Heat and I'm Satisfied.

I miss my uncle Eric y'all

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Martorial elegance : N.W.A edition # 3

Remember when Eazy-E announced he was releasing a double album featuring a song with Axl Rose back in a 1994 issue of The Source? Of course, it never happened because Eric fluttered up to the crossroads to chill with Freddie Mercury about 6 months later in 1995 after sticking his todger in some diseased skank/getting injected by a super form of HIV evil overlord Suge got Dr. Daz Dillinger to cook up in the Death Row laboratory, so the above picture and this song from Brandon McCartney's golden-era are the closest we'll ever come to such a cross-genre collaboration :

Lil B - Police 'n' N*ggas
(From the internet; 2009)


Crap GNR Rap punz a-go-go : It's So Weezy, Betta Axl Somebody, ParaDice Raw City, Izzy Shadlin, My Michel'le, Duff McKeakgan, Use Your IlluZion One, One In Amil-lion, Matt SoRumpletilskinz.

$tarleen Spiteri

"I hang around stars like the moon, no jokin'
last week I had a conversation with Hulk Hogan"

All $tar - A-Z
(From $tarlito's Way : I Am Not Your Friend; 2007)


Not a patch on its sequel, but that's a pretty marvelous casual boast up top, huh? More importantly, we should all be thankful for A-Z's existence because it meant that Letterman type joints were no longer the sole preserve of New York mixtape Rappers of varying quality by 2007, thus sparing us from the rot really setting in with new entries into the micro-genre via the likes of Joell Ortiz, Vado and Meyhem Lauren.

So, anyhoo, I thought it was high time I DLed the first $tarlito's Way mixtape after never quite getting around to listening to it properly. His flow at this juncture of his career was still a little bit too Weezy Jr. at times, which is what's always put me off from giving the 'tape a fair shake, but the title track is essential 'lito, with the "I ain't even rappin', I'm just thinkin' out loud" line being a statement of intent about how he'd go on to develop his own distinctive understated drawling rap style :

All $tar - $tarlito's Way
(From $tarlito's Way : I Am Not Your Friend; 2007)


Holla if you hear me to all the homies who copped the Carlito's Way OST back in the day only to find Para Los Rumberos by Tito Puente and half the Latin songs from the movie weren't even on there. Every Sony album I've downloaded over the past 12 years has been partial revenge for them jipping me on that CD back in 1993.

Martorial elegance : NWA edition # 2

There's only one thing to do when one of your chick friends has a stronger NWA t-shirt game than you - man up, band up, scan up and print up a very special shirt of your own using the NWA tennis balls in a box pic which the European Bol Dom P unearthed :


Shout outs to all my saltines who've used the "oh, I'm a fan of that Bill guy from True Blood" when approached by angry black gentlemen enquiring why they're wearing apparel printed with the word COMPTON.

And on a very related note, I just noticed that Eddi Projex & Beeda Weeda's C-Bo homaging Youtube single Gettin' G's from 2010 finally turned up in full CDQ glory on Eddi's H.W.A (Hittaz Wit' Attitude) album last year about 5 minutes after pressing publish on this post. Near-fantastic timing on my behalf :

Eddi Projex ft. Beeda Weeda - Gettin' G's
(From H.W.A (Hittaz Wit' Attitude album; 2011)