Friday 11 February 2022

This Is Tha Barker

"I had this style ever since I was a child
I got this other style I ain't flip in a while"

Remember me? Did it all for the B-L-O-G. True story: every white guy on the Rap Internet resembles someone from a Pop-Punk band. I'm reliably informed that I'm a Travis Barker guy, and I ain't even mad at that - it's infinitely better than being a Dexter Holland guy, a Milo Aukerman guy or a Tye Zamora guy innit? If you're unfortunate enough to be a Deryck Whibley guy then take some solace that you look like a bloke with two 10/10 singles to his name and a hot wife on his arm.

Let's talk gear. If Rap music didn't inspire you to wear stupid shit as a teenager then being into Rap music as a teenager was wasted on you, mon square. Me, I done shocked everything from clocks around my neck, Reebok Pump hi-tops on my feet, visors on my head, XXL Ben Davis shirts on my back, and 42" baggy jeans on my 32" waist. But my biggest Crime Against Clobber™ was copping a pair of snow-camo cargo pants in 1991 in a misguided attempt to look like Public Enemy's back-up dancers the SW1s. Them kecks were wack like World Cups, but by 1992 they'd become great beater pants to do graffiti in, particularly since the cargo pockets came in handy to pilfer cans of paint from Halfords and Kwik Save. We were a gang of Goonies lookalikes doin' Subway Art recreations, shout out my CD brothers with fly names and I.D questions.
To paraphrase a very different Travis B, snow-camo cargo pants have followed me my whole life everywhere - in bars, in cars, sidewalks, stores, even in Blink-182's All The Small Things video where Travis Barker wore a pair. You can fight for your right to party, but you can never fight your sartorial destiny. Probably shoulda bought two pair like Nelly.

17 comments:

GGGGG said...

I look a bit like the singer of Screeching Weasel.

Spartan said...

Bought a pair of Lugz back in the day which only lasted a week. The soles split. Never again.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Hit up Funk Flex on Instagram and tell him you want a refund.

Ben said...

My high school years I looked something like an extra from a Dipset video with Tall tees, oversized fitteds, and throwback jerseys the whole nine.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

The whole ByrdGang's in hea like Kurt Cobain was hea yea yea yea yea!!!!

Yohan said...

My teens were wasted on me. I do remember wearing a fitted for half a year at some point and ill-fitting baggy clothes in general, but I'd rather not.

That said, I'm definitely still interested in those golden No Limit tank chains you sometimes still see pop up.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Thinking about it, my snow-camo kecks and the pair green army cargos I had stopped me from ever wearing a shellsuit back in the early 90s, so it's not all bad.

In fact, my green army cargos were sick. Early 90s skater classic.

Anonymous said...

Martorialist is Tim Westwood's son?

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

There's 2 types of men in this world, my friend - those of us who are shaped like Smooth B in 1989 and those of you who are shaped like Greg Nice in 1989.

d said...

Definitely rocked a very imitation Wu tang hoodie I got from this infamous n sadly extinct smuggler market in bandit country plus what basically amounted to jncos for the cause myself.

During lockdown I was defo increasingly a Fat Mike but the 2022 Glo up has me looking p goldfinger guy I can't tell a lie.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

There must be one Rap Internet guy who looks like Tom DeLonge as 'Boomer'.

step one said...

funny you should mention it, but 20+ years ago when I had hair + glasses someone told me I looked like that Milo dude. Can't see it meself and def not the case now.

Gear wise: PE tour jacket from 4 Star General with disproportionately large hood, Naughty By Nature jacket also from 4 Star which came to bad end when I sat too close too a gas fire.
Humongous Karl Kani jeans that could house a family of 3 in each leg, pre Wu Wear Wu Tang hockey shirt. the only ones I'd really like to still have now would be my blue Rhyme Syndicate hoody and a Chronic tee with a leaf on the front and "DEEEZ NUUUTS" in large white print on the back, copped in Our Price of all places.

Good times like a Ghostface promo 12"

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

DJ Aucker Man.

Our Price was definitely a decent spot for Rap tees.

L.A said...

Troy Ave would not approve of those shorts lol

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Above The Clouds and above the knees at the SAME DAMN TIME!

Devoted martorialist reader said...

Oh boy! Boot Camp Click was the template for me in the early 90s. Army surplus parachute cargos + Tim boots + Carhartt hoodie + jungle boonie hat + backpack. Everything oversized of course.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

I wish I'd had a boonie hat phase.