Bauhaus Every Weekend

This year Halloween fell on a weekend, me & your mum are twerk or treatin'.

Generic list post: october 2015

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Stitches fans debated a different sort of Low End Theory, RapMusicHysteria's best of Reggeaton guide bodied every other listicle posted during october, and Spice found herself a new Prince Charming who doesn't require any conjugal visits.

Slimm Calhoun - Characters (2001)
Lil' Chris ft. Cago Leek - Feel The Breeze (2015)
Stresmatic ft. Nef The Pharaoh & Mazerati Ricky - 2 Phones (2015)
J. Stalin ft. L'Jay - Bye Felicia (2015)
Runway Rich ft. Big Gipp - How You Feeling (2015)
Tinashe - Player (2015)
Julio Bashmore ft. J'Danna - Rhythm Of Auld (2014)
Spice - Uh Oh (2015)

Otherwise october was a month of disappointments from Martorialist favourites old and new: AZ clearly took his mention on that last Eminem single to heart because Back To Myself is pure Mallgoth Mathers-core; Nef The Pharaoh's Boss Me is a textbook example of why teenagers shouldn't be allowed to make rap songs about sex.

Until Max B comes home or Trina makes a solo sequel to Wowzers, ban ALL rappers from making songs about pleasures of the flesh, imho.

It's a girl!

Via Nyquil via Willy. Oh so that's who the pregnant woman smoking a bifter in Stitches' Molly Cyrus video was - his then-future baby momma!?

Great exchange from the Molly Cyrus video comment section right here, btw:

Late pass!

It's crazy that one of the best Earthtone III productions should be buried 12 tracks deep into the debut album of Dungeon Family third-stringer Slimm Calhoun. What's even crazier is that the tune in question should kinda sound like an early noughties Big Boi solo joint as performed by T.I. circa In Da Streets Vol. 1. An A+ song by a C-list crew member:

Slimm Calhoun - Characters
(From The Skinny album; 2001)


Never bothered with Slimm Calhoun's The Skinny album before I got it 4 cheap last week, probably because its main single It's Ok was some booty chatter that's only notable for Slimm's proto-Chopper suits in the video. Album isn't particularly good, but Characters here justifies the £1.50 ya boy paid for the CD.

What Happened To The World > What A Time To Be Alive

Jacka tat' courtesy of the Big Tymin' kid Nef The Pharaoh. Hope Nef's upcoming EP sounds closer to 2 Phones than it does to his own new song Boss Me because blippity-bloopety post-hyphy tracks about why a gentleman should keep 2 cellphones on his personage are always gonna be preferable to a teenage lad rhyming about sex for 3 verses over functional ratchet production.

Let's not bullshit here, though - the only rapper it's ever safe to get tatted on your physical is a dead rapper; that way you can be sure they'll never eat their girlfriend's intestines or get caught diddlin' kids. Somewhere in Houston there's a Hispanic bloke who hasn't worn a short-sleeved shirt in summer for the last 14 years because he's got SPM's face tattooed on his forearm and he's too embarrassed to go get a cover-up.

Once upon a time in a faraway land, there was a tiny pum...

My open letter to Westwood regarding Spice's Needle Eye fell on deaf ears, but at least 2015's 2nd best non-rap song now has a video. And not just any ol' video but the only music video of 2015 which could potentially unify the disparate worldviews of Bol and Moscaddie. Fairy Godmother Patra sez: "Yes, Spicederella - you will go to Di Dance to show dem gal who has the Needle Eye now!"

Spice - Needle Eye
(From YouTube; 2015)



If Moscaddie doesn't write a 1000 word thinkpiece on why Spice is the most important Female Artiste™ of the past 2 years then she ain't really 'Bout Dat Life. Not sayin' that everyone from down under is sketchy AF IRL, but I stopped smokin' with Antipodeans back when Maggie Kirkpatrick got arrested for being a nonce.

Generic list post: 20 great non-album B-sides + album bonus tracks of the noughties

Pour a lil' liquor out for the non-album cut B-side, effectively snuffed out by technology via singles no longer being physical products with a required amount of time to fill. Then raise a toast to the album bonus track, still in rude health due to digital commerce and stupid LP narratives which deem slaps like When I Was Gone as epilogues. Here's 20 jams from last decade made up of songs from column B-side and column Bonus track.

Diddy - Get Off (2006)
Bubba Sparxx - Disappear (2003)
Grand Puba - Issues (Pete Rock remix) (2002)
Ludacris - Act A Fool (2003)
Jay-Z - La-La-La (Excuse Me Miss Again) (2003)
KanYe West ft. Paul Wall, GLC & T.I. - Drive Slow (remix) (2006)
T.I. - You Ain't Fly (2006)
Young Dro - Cartoon (2006)
UGK ft. Three 6 Mafia - Int'l Players Anthem (2007)
Gang Starr - The Natural (2002)
Trina - Leaving You (Big Ol' Dick) (2004)
50 Cent ft. Mobb Deep - Outta Control (remix) (2005)
Prodigy - Dirty New Yorker (2008)
Husalah ft. Pretty Black - Before The Dope (2007)
Blaq Poet - Poet's Comin' (2005)
Curren$y - On Top Of The Money (2009)
Sean Price - 60 Bar Dash (2005)
Birdman - Neighborhood Superstars (2006)
Busta Rhymes ft. P Diddy & Pharrell - Pass The Courvoisier Part II (2002)
Roc Marciano of The U.N - Game Of Death (O.G version) (2003)
Petey Pablo's I Ain't Scared (B-Side of non-album single Blow Your Whistle) doesn't appear to be anywhere on t'internet but I can confirm it's a jam because I have the 12" somewhere. Who got that MP3?

Pay As U Go Cartel back!

It's only right Stresmatic from The Federation finally has a legitimate slap to his own name because he's been Nate Dogging E-40's albums since Breakin' News in 2003; every generation gets the One More Day it deserves innit? Who'd a thunk said-Stresmatic-slap would be the song that combines Mac Dre at his most exotic with the ersatz honks of Mr. Saxobeat, though? Best hyphy-continuum track since, well, Old School Hyphy.

Stresmatic ft. Nef The Pharaoh & Mazerati Ricky - 2 Phones
(From Soundcloud; 2015)