Wanted dead or alive: Kryptonite by Big Scoob

Big Scoob's Kryptonite was a minor classic which rang out alongside Ante Up in summer 2000, but I've only ever seen it uploaded online as the instrumental. Perhaps Kryptonite is a true "You Had To Be There" tune: Big Daddy Kane's former back-up dancer dropping a Superman theme sampling indie single which became a Funkmaster Flex Tunnel Banger™ staple. Here in the U.K, Kryptonite was a rare example of a Westwood favourite which got love in Mr. Bongo by British backpackers who had their Jansports strapped too tight. Step Won came thru with the Ronaldinho to Rivaldo type assist, so I threw the MP3 up on Audiomack and Mediafire. Ya gun got dust in it from not bustin' it!

Big Scoob - Kryptonite
(From Kryptonite 12" single; 2000)


Be rude to leave you without another Big Scoob song to step to, so here's the lesser known U Got It. Scoob on some I Got It Made braggin' & boastin' over a certain Bobby Byrd break. U know the proto-Top Shelf 8/8/'88 steez.

Big Scoob - U Got It
(From U Got It single; 2002)


Anyone got an MP3 of Scoob's Say It Loud? Never heard it meself, but it could be cool if it's a JB sample. Alternatively, it could sound like a Drag-On album track which is why I'm hesitant to spend a tenner on the 12".

Did somebody say just Eat?

"It's so good it's magical, lemme put a spell on you
I know you got a n*gga, baby girl I ain't gon' tell on you
I don't need no honey pack, I don't pop no f*ckin' percs
Hit that ass from 9 to 5, lemme get that f*ckin' work"

Eatem ft. BR Cowboy - Magical
(From Magical single; 2022)


You know how Homeboy Sandman's Talking (Bleep) is just Conjugal Visit To The Prison Of The Mind re-tweaked with rhymes about pet peeves and a hook made from a wah-wah guitar sample? Eatem's Magical follows a similar trajectory: it's just Go Get Yo' F*ckin Brotha re-tweeked with rhymes about "your girlfriend" and a hook made from the BR Cowboy restaurant jingle & Russ Meyer sex EFX. No shotz @ Sandman or Eatem because there's nowt wrong with that in either instance - craftily re-tweaking your own songs is the 7th element of Rap music.

Props to Eatem's producer/former Down Bad member Mike Sneezy for making the aforementioned Russ Meyer sex EFX sound like Herbie Hancock's Watermelon Man. I'm not a Jazz guy, but I've loved that shit ever since I first heard it soundtracking Guy Mariano's G.O.A.T Sk8 video part.

You wanna go down? Why not. I'll be like Matt and Han' you a cock.

Count Dukeula

Duke Deuce ft. Glorilla - Just Say That
(From CRUNKSTAR album; 2022)


Been waiting on this one since a snippet appeared last summer. It sounds as Transylvanian as expected but arrives with two pleasant surprises: a Glorilla cameo and Duke dressed in Beethoven garb like Biz Markie in the Just A Friend video. Hat tip to Duke and Eatem for bringing the fun back to hardbody Rap.

W Boogie Wit Da Dickies

Westside Boogie ft. DRAM - AIGHT
(From AIGHT single; 2022)


This has to be the first good Shady Records single since... since.... since..... who even knows? AIGHT's appeal: it inadvertently sounds like Nef The Pharoah made a Kendrick Lamar song. Or rather, it's some Siccness.net type shit unintentionally disguised as some HotNewHipHop.com type shit. A happy accident where Big Tymin' meets Big Steppers.

DRAM changed his name to Shelley FKA DRAM but let's not indulge him. Son, you're DRAM AKA the Cha Cha guy.

My Mind Spray 3.5

Can I say shit? Do it for Matthew Africa, do it for Gary Warnett.
It's no coincidence that E-40 and Boosie's music both took a turn for the worse when they stopped wearing premium LVC Levi's jeans and switched to ugly distressed Eurotrash denim with ridges on the knees. You can't be an American outlaw when you're dressed like a Spanish footballer.

Hurricane Chris is making a comeback via a Jersey Club remix of Ay Bay Bay that's blown up on TikTok. Personally, I can't wait until the Jersey Club community discover ReUp Reedy's For That Dick.

Hyperpop is just Chicago Bop for posh people and paedophiles. You can't tell me shit to the contrary because A.G Cook & all them P.C Music toffs had never heard Rap music until Fact Magazine posted a Sicko Mobb video. I also betcha 100 Gecs had never heard Rap music until Pitchfork reviewed DJ Moondawg's We Invented The Bop Vol. 1 mixtape.

For decades, "yeah, but it bangs on the dancefloor tho!" was a mostly accurate gauge for judging Rap music. Then KanYe Pest's Stronger made it an unreliable barometer before Drake's career and Godawful shite like A$AP Ferg's Shabba rendered it an utterly useless measuring stick.

When you're in the pub watching a football match on BT Sport there's no better feeling than drowning out Glenn Hoddle's colour commentary with some Biggie classics off the pub's jukebox. Thereby replacing the unpleasant sound of a man talkin' shit with the pleasant sound of a man shit talkin'.

One for the Britz: Dave East's music is the Rap equivalent of Michael Owen's punditry.

There's Consequences to this shit

"Goin' through shit, that's a part of life
Growin' through shit, that's the part I like"

Consequence - Blood Stain
(From Blood Stain single; 2022)


The return of Rap's official G.O.A.T weed carrier (though he was none too pleased to accept the title.) And over a KanYe Pest beat which is hard enough to rattle Consequence's proto-Rylan dentures. Surprisingly good, but maybe I shouldn't be so surprised since Cons rapping over KanYe production has been a G.O.O.D Combination™ since their pre-College Dropout back-and-forths like The Good, The Bad, The Ugly and Take It As A Loss. Plus, can't forget the ultimate solo ConYe track which doubles as one of the best The 'Hood Done Took Me Under (Its Wing) songs of the 2000s.

Consequence - Don't Forget 'Em
(From Don't Quit Your Day Job album; 2007)


**EDIT** added the Blood Stain video because it features Consequence practicing blackbelt-level Rap Hands on a Martian beach. Makes sense he has a such a strong Rap-Hands game because the first video he ever appeared in was the Rap-Hands equivalent of Citizen Kane.

I'm a graffiti artist - paint, chalk, outline

"First I tell 'em, where I want it done
In his backyard right in front of his son
Then I tell 'em, where to drop him off
In the Chattahoochie with his dick chopped off
Yeah, it sounds harsh, but it's well deserved
Feed his ass to the Sharks for hors d'oeuvres
No remorse, and no pity
This could happen to you in New Joc City"

Yung Joc - A Couple Grand
(From the Atlanta underground; 2006)


File this under 'beatjacks which are better than the originals.' Yung Joc was always more of a Juvenile than a Jeezy and his flow on this shit is pure New Orleans. I remember Rey turning his nose up at Yung Joc's Bad Boy Records debut album like "I prefer his underground shit" and this beatjack of Shawty Lo's I'm Da Man is Joc's equivalent of Mase's pre-Bad Boy Murda Ma$e Children Of The Corn material. Cot-damn, this song is wicked and plz believe that's wicked meaning evil. If there's a Hell below then Joc is possibly gonna go as a result of this one.

In Shawn Prez's recent VladTV interview with Yung Joc, Joc mentions a pre-Bad Boy local hit of his called Thousand Ones. Alas the only trace I can find of it online is in a Billboard magazine article. Anyone got the MP3?

New York's alright if you like slam-poetry elevator muzak

P-Lo ft. Larry June - Good
(From Good single; 2022)


First new P-Lo single of 2022. Conclusive proof that Bay Area Rap is one of the only sources of Real Hip-Hop™ left: there's more scratching on this than there is on any New York Rap song of 2022.

Bonus beats: lemme put 5 on it with a quinary of quality. Mini playlist of my 5 2022 NorCal Rap songs of 2022 I'm very fond of. I'm bumpin' Young Jr, Ezale, and P-Lo & Larry June like duh duh duh, plus Stunnaman02 & Lil' Kayla like duh duh duh, and A-Wax's Woodie homage like duh duh duh.

Young Jr - Bird Walk
Ezale - Ironic
P-Lo ft. Larry June - Good
Stunnaman02 ft. Lil' Kayla - Roll Wit It
A-Wax - Streets Callin'