Hickey's On Your Ass

Dick Fontaine's 1984 documentary Beat This: A Hip-Hop History is very much the Beat Street to Style Wars' Wild Style: a corny companion-piece made by outsiders which still captures the magic of early 80s New York. Endure Gary Byrd's dad-rap narration and Afrika Baambaataa with 2 studded belts wrapped around his noggin so you can enjoy such highlights as a DJ cuttin' up Black Grass while the Rock Steady Crew strut their stuff, Kool Herc driving around the Bronx in a droptop Cadillac with gigantic speakers propped up in the back seat, DJ Jazzy Jay on the decks at a basketball court block party, graffiti artist Brim crossing the tracks of an elevated station like he's James Bond to the sound of Jonzun Crew's Space Is The Place, and the Cold Crush Brothers dressed like Rick James' Band doing a live routine over Jeckyll & Hyde's Gettin' Money. There's even an interview with the infamous N.Y vandal squad coppers Hickey & Ski who were later immortalised as Fred Flintstone & Barney Rubble on one of Seen's whole car trains.

Malcolm McLaren also pops up to talk about being in New York with Bow Wow Wow and ending up going to a block party deep in the rubble of the South Bronx where he met Afrika Baambaataa. This, of course, lead to McLaren importing Hip-Hop kulcha to Europe via his Buffalo Gals single/video. Back in the late 2000s ya boi Martaveli went to a screening of Dick Fontaine's 1988 follow-up documentary Bombin' hosted by Fontaine where he said he regretted including McLaren in Beat This because ol' Malcolm was "a culture vulture opportunist". O rly? You say opportunistic, we say gave the opportunity to Trevor Horn & Anne Dudley and The World's Famous Supreme Team to record classics like Buffalo Gals, D'ya Like Scratchin'?, World's Famous, and Hey DJ. Malcolm In The Middle™ of greatness: music which could have never existed without his galaxy brain impresario vision of putting Horn & Dudley with two New York radio DJs. Plus, if we're talkin' posh English blokes accusing each other of being "culture vulture opportunists" then what did Dick Fontaine ever do for Hip-Hop other than those two documentaries? Name 3 Ultramagnetic MC's songs, m8!

Needless to say, some of the Beat This scenes featuring that nonce Afrika Baambaataa have NOT aged well, particularly the one where he meets some young lads in a dark room and then takes them away with him. Cash Money was an army, Zulu Nation was a grooming gang.