Tuesday, 13 April 2021

Shinola songs from the shittiest artists

Talking about the Chili Peppers' Give It Away and Metallica's Enter Sandman in this post got me thinkin' about other elite examples of songs I love by artists I loathe. Not so much One Song Wonders in the vein of Jay Electronica's Exhibit C, more detestable artists who somehow managed one Godly fluke in an otherwise ghastly catalogue à la Weak Become Heroes by The Streets. Here's five diamonds from their artist's respective seas of shite - all genres, all gems.

Tricky ft. Martina Topley-Bird - Christiansands
(From Pre-Millennium Tension album; 1996)

You, a square: Tricky's Maxinquaye is the Illmatic of the Hardcore Continuum.

Me, a connoisseur: STFU Grimey Simey junior. Christiansands is the one song where Tricky's Worzel Gummidge whisper wap doesn't sound like a wet fart after a night on the cider. For that we can thank his backing vocalist bird, the subtle use of a Slick Rick sample, and John Woo for giving the song big villain's penthouse energy in Face/Off.

U2 - Desire
(From Rattle & Hum soundtrack; 1988)

You, a square: I hate U2, you hate U2, we all hate U2. Really doe, Brian Eno coaxed a few jams outta them in the 90's.

Me, a connoisseur: I wanna talk to you shorty 'cause you be trippin' sometimes. There was nowt more embarrassing than 90's U2 tryna be all arch and knowing. U2's one legit 10/10 classic came at the arse-end of their Christian cowboy cosplay era when they brought out the Bo Diddley beat for Desire. The result: MTV's answer to Mystic Eyes innit.

Big Sean - Paradise (single version)
(From Paradise single; 2014)

You, a square: I can't stand Big Sean but I can't front on the A$$ remix or I don't F*ck With You.

Me, a connoisseur: You all up in Da Game with the answers missin'. As anyone who went to a Westwood party in 2014 knows, Paradise is the one song where Big Sean's hyperactive valley girl steez worked. In my personal canon of Detroit spazz-Rap, Paradise is the mainstream club banger counterpoint to Pablo Skywalkin's All Facts.

Cliff Richard & The Drifters - Move It
(From Move It single; 1958)

You, a square: I refuse to believe that Tennis-loving Tory nonce Cliff Richard has ever made a good song.

Me, a connoisseur: Me too TBF until I heard Move It. Shit cranks. The Truth like Beanie first LP: Move It would be universally acknowledged as the G.O.A.T British Rock & Roll banger of the 50's if it didn't belong to Clifftiano Richnaldo.

Azealia Banks - Miss Amor
(From Broke With Expensive Taste album; 2014)

You, a square: I wish Azealia Banks would stop being such a troll edgelady and start putting out great music like 212 again.

Me, a connoisseur: LMFAO she's a far better troll than she is a rapper, m8. 212 was just a dry-run for Miss Amor where she did her usual Ya Kid K karaoke over an R&S Records classic and accidentally recorded a lost Lil' Kim song from Diddy's Last Train To Paris album.


Jmil843 said...

Just here to say Last Train to Paris is a personal classic!

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Paradise, where the hell is Mike Will?? He needs to come back cuz almost all of these new ATL producers stink.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

He did that Polo G song with NLE Choppa & Stunna 4 Vegas last year.

Yohan said...

Paradise is so so good.

d said...

real heads recognise Back Up Off Me as the big Sean took his foot out his mouth joint

d said...

ngl I've added this azaelia banks song to my list of like 5 azaelia banks songs I fuck w

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Westwood screaming "ALWAYS, BABY, ALWAYS!!" after Sean's "I always wanted to fuck that bitch, thank you God I fucked that bitch" line and then dropping an explosion sound effect >>>>>>

Anonymous said...


Kelvin Mack10zie said...


Is that Cliff's equivalent of Posh Spice's Out Of Your Mind?

L.A said...

The Joshua Tree is a good album!

..................I'll get my coat

Spartan said...

Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams
The Smiths - How Soon Is Now?
Blur - Song 2
Jamiroquai - King For A Day
The Strokes - 12:51
The Libertines - Can't Stand Me Now

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Spart, I was definitely considering How Soon Is Now. Fuck Morrissey and fuck Johnny Marr too except for Electronic.

L.A, the Pet Shop Boys cover of Where The Streets Have No Name bodies the original and that whole album. True story like Terror Squad 2nd LP.

Anonymous said...

If we're calling Lone an R&S classic then Spectrum better be the father, son, and holy ghost marty.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Maybe. What would Mentasm be then?