Thursday 7 January 2010

Tv Eye

This isn't a post to discuss the return of Vicki Coren's BBC4 quiz show Only Connect the other night (if Jenny Ryan isn't a contestant this series then I want my licence fee back) or comment on how Rob Breezy was right a year or so back after I made that post about Kate O'Mara when he said Stephanie Beacham was also another foxy GRAMF.

Hell, this isn't even a post to inform you that Lady Sovereign appeares to have regressed into me when I was 14 years old. This post here is just a little heads up to let you know that this coming saturday night - and you may need to sit down before reading the next part - Ice-T and his bird Coco are on ITV's All Star Mr & Mrs presented by Philip Schofield and Fern Britton.

Yup, you read that right, and isn't it great that race relations in America have now gotten to the point where the fake-tanned white chick is darker than her black boyfriend? Fuck Obama - Ice and Coco are the true face of progression, son.

Bar Doctor Who and TV Burp, saturday night tv is usually about as appealing to me as having WD40 sprayed directed into my jap's eye (a go-carting enthusiast kid I went to school with had this done to him on his birthday and was in so much pain he had to go to hospital to get his bellend cleaned), or having your eyeball impaled with a piece of jagged wood a la Zombie Flesh Eaters, but this might the one instance when it'll be worth missing a trip to Nando's and the cinema to vegitate in front of primetime ITV programming. If only it could've been Darlene instead, though. If only....

Ayo, Ice - give Schofield a dead arm, will you? Here at The Martorialist we've always hated that mugging twat ever since he ruined the end credits to every episode of Ulysses 31 and Round The Twist when they were on CBBC by singing over the top of them. Payback is due, Pip.

Ice-T - High Rollers


Mr Bozack said...

Quality. Speaking of Sat night tv, ever see that "Cube" thing? Think that was P Schozzy n all...what a bag of gash that was.

toilet said...

Sensational. I saw MC Ice T from the West Coast on the advert for Mr & Mrs over the festive period. Shame Derek Batey doesn't present the show still - it would've been good to see them two on screen together.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Thankfully i never saw Cube.

Derek Batey and Ice-Tracy Marrow sharing the same screen would've been next level.

2SHIN said...

One of, if not the main reason I'm even on Twitter is because of Coco's twitpics.


dj said...

I'm interested that you gave Schofield's Broom Cupboard era a verbal shoeing. To my mind, any man who handwrites the lyrics to Willie Fog's 80 Days Around The World next to a still from the show, signs them, photocopies them, and then sends them to thousands of children around the country (as Schofield did) is a sound motherfucker.

Look how far the world has come in 22 (?) years. Do they even still have CBBC on BBC1?

The missus wouldn't let me watch Mr and Mrs: I made the mistake of praising Coco's massive arse beforehand.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

I'm not sure. Last time i saw it that Angelica bird and whatshisface who killed himself were presenting it.

You make a valid point there, DJ, and Schofield is generally likeable, but you have to admit that ruining the Ulysees 31 and Round The Twist themes (the 2 best kids tv themes, imo) every time they were on at least warrants a dead arm.

dj said...

You're absolutely right.

Youtube has properly ruined my memory of old cartoons. Ten years ago, I could reminisce and wax lyrical about Pole Position and such, safe in the knowledge that I could never spoil my memories by actually watching them.

Now you can watch them, and the animation is shit, the cars look shit, the little faces on the dashboard look shit et cetera et cetera

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

On the plus side, the Droids cartoon is on Youtube and that's still quite watchable.

Ace opening theme by one of the blokes from The Police who wasn't Sting too.