This one's a real grower even though loosie single Essence is still better than anything on Nef's new album. Producer Carter Boy combined a vocal sample from Janet Jackson's All For You with a First Class Type Beat to create a slap with warm Off The Rictor euphoria. Too much current Rap music sounds like the crowd at an MMA event. Me, I'm tryna bask in Rap music which sounds like that first rush of MDMA euphoria.
Gen X - Dancing With Myself
(From Dancing With Myself single; 1980)
10/10 song from 1980 which became an 9/10 song when it was re-recorded and re-released as Billy Idol's debut solo single in 1981. The 1980 Gen X version is one of the greatest U.K Punk singles ever recorded, but I guess Billy F**kface here was too stupid to realise that because he toned down the guitar & bass considerably for the 1981 solo version. I'm not tryna get Enid Coleslaw on datazz, I'm just sayin' the 1981 version doesn't crank nearly as hard as the original and that's all fact no opinion. I always presumed Dancing With Myself was about Billy being lonely on tour and wanking in a Tokyo hotel room on some Lost In Masturbation type shit. Turns out I got the song's inspiration lost in translation because Idol's artistic impetus was seeing the crowd in a Tokyo club dancing with their own reflections in mirrored walls.
As a concept, Punk Rock is kinda cool. But as a culture, Punk Rock is invariably corny. Out of all the terrible British music critics, Those Blokes Who Can Only View Rap Music Through The Prism Of Punk Rock™ are the absolute W.O.A.T. Ain't gonna lie tho, some of the music is undeniable, particularly as a singles genre. Ergo, here's the official Martorialist top ten U.K Punk singles of all time in no order of preference.
Don't give me no lip that The Jam weren't a Punk band. They may have been rigged out in 60s Mod clobber, but them lads were a Punk band in sound until 1982.
Arabian Prince - Simple Planet
(From Innovative Life • The Anthology • 1984-1989 compilation; 2008)
Help me out here - is this an unreleased track from 1989 or is it a 2008 track recorded especially for this anthology compilation? Either way, this shit is everything I like about Electro music from L.A and Detroit in the SAME DAMN TRACK! It even featuress that weird stretched chiming sound which popped up in various TV shows and movies from the early 1980s.
Homeboy Sandman - Win Win
(From Rich II album; 2024)
This is a reality-Rap video, you really go through it every time you have Sandman's music up in your lugholes. I was a huge fan of Boy Sand dog'n my earwax before he got too prudish and prigish these past couple of years (never trust a tee-total, vegan conspiracy theorist!) But Win Win is that old Sandman and gives me hope for his forthcoming sequel to Enough where he's reunited with J-Live and Kurious. Baby, I stay strapped mentally...
It's funny how a great video can transform a song into your favourite jam on the whole album. Absolute perfect marriage of music and music image resulting in a prequel to the ? video and the greatest DOOM tribute ever. Shit twists my tearducts like a muppet; keepin' it honest, I can't listen to it in public. Also, a rare modern Kurious video where he's not wearing jhorts. That man definitely owns more cut-off denim than an ECW wrestler.
If I ruled the world, Kurious would have included I Don't Even Exist and Don't Know on his Majician album rather than his Mystery Mixtape. One of my biggest pet peeves with Rap is rappers not including great songs on their proceeding album. It's an annoying practice which dates back to the mid 1980s when Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde didn't include Gettin' Money, Fast Life and A.M./P.M. on their album. Run-D.M.C also got in on the act when they neglected to include Together Forever on Raising Hell or Here We Go (Live at The Funhouse) on King Of Rock. The Beastie Boys also threw their baseball caps in the ring when they decided She's On It wasn't going to appear on Licensed To Ill. The Beasties now hate that song and refer to it as "Cheese Omelette", but they're terrible judges of their own catalogue so who cares what they think?
1. Hard Rock Soul Movement - Double Def Fresh (1986)
2. Professor X - Professor X (Saga) (1988)
3. LL Cool J - Illegal Search (Pre-Trial Hearing mix) (1990)
4. Jay Tee ft. Mac Dre - Do The Crew (CDQ version) (1990/2018)
5. Kurious - Fill 'Er Up (1991/2008)
6. G. Dep - Dollar Bill (1998)
7. AZ - Rap Fanatic (2002)
8. Big Moe ft. Mike Wilson - Leave Drank Alone (2003)
9. Saigon - Favorite Thingz (extended version) (2006)
10. DaBanggaz314 - Run Up Get Dun Up (2009)
11. Homeboy Sandman - Talking (Bleep) (2016)
12. 38 Dezzie ft. Mouse On Tha Track - On My Shit (2021)
13. Mic Terror - OJ Simpson (2021)
14. Pookie F'n Rude ft. Hash Hearted - Put That On Everythang (2023)
15. Mello Buckzz - Move (2023)
15 songs from the rich tapestry of Rap history which have been up in my ears like malleus bones in 2024. Most of them are new-to-me discoveries, but a couple of them are old favourites which have snuck back into regular rotation. Shout out to Step Wun for recently hippin' me to that AZ song.
"If you ain't from the Yay then I'm over n*ggas heads
Bitches askin' Siri 'bout some shit that Chang said"
Nef The Pharaoh - Essence
(From Essence single; 2024)
I ain't from the Yay so I'll tell you what's over my head: why Nef's Essence loosie from a few months back is better than anything on his Vallejo Playa album which dropped this past friday. When Nef says "I'll do a song and won't ever send the session, I don't want your engineer f**kin' up my essence" I feel like he's mocking me because he's never dropped that song with Mannie Fresh he teased on Instagram back in 2016. The snippet has long since been deleted, but that shit sounded exactly how a Mannie Nef song should sound. Call that shit Simon Cowell because it's never coming out.
Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when we said goodbye to British legend and former two times World's Strongest Man Geoff Capes. Also the month when I dropped a 100 best songs of the 2020s so far list.
Bonus bloggin: 1nce again I'm gonna use my monthly wrap-up post to keep track of the best movies and TV shows I've been watching. * indicates rewatches dunnit.
I checked out some music by that Malachi kid whose guest verses on the LARussell&P-Lo EP are such a joy. Alas, his own solo songs are some sub-J. Cole type shit where his puppy dog energy has been replaced by painful earnestness.
If Yams were still alive then he'd surely have steered A$AP Rocky into buying a better football team than Tranmere Rovers. Crazy visionz, BOOM: Rocky buys Chester FC instead and launches into a TV ratings battle with Chester's arch rivals/Disney's bitches Wrexham FC. Daphne & Celeste could flip Ooh Stick You for the Chester TV show's theme: "OOH STICK YOU, YOUR MULLIN TOO AND YOUR DISNEY!"
If the best Rap love songs of the 1980s are Slick Rick's Teenage Love, LL Cool J's I Need Love and Whodini's One Love then the worst have to be LL's One Shot At Love and Nice & Smooth's Something I Can't Explain. Kurtis Blow's Hello Baby deserves an honourable mention for drowning a very nice Davy DMX production in a sea of schmaltz.
People always over-think music bloggin'. You're a DJ/host and your blog is your radio show. It's that simple like Posh Spice & M.O.P.
BigXthaPlug - The Largest
(From Take Care album; 2024)
I'm not sayin' nostalgia is a good thing, I'm just sayin' that the best BigXthaPlug songs are the ones which sound like Swisha House songs from 20 years ago. Plz believe The Largest is one of those songs. BigX reminds me of a Texan equivalent of Duke Deuce: he's a modern incarnation of an old sound which has never dated, but he only manages to nail that sound once or twice per album.
HAAAAAAAAAAAS ANYBODY SEEN PITCHFORK'S 100 BEST SONGS OF THE 2020'S SO FAR LIST??? I haven't because I've been too busy ripping it off with my own list of Martorialist favourites from the last four years. Obviously there are songs missing from this list, but plz believe they aren't the songs you think should be included. On one hand, the past four years has resulted in some of the absolute worst music I've ever heard; on the other hand, it's also resulted in these choonz.
Back in 2002 Westwood played a Freeway song which I'd never been able to identify. A couple of days ago I randomly came across it and it's not a Freeway song, but a Naam Brigade song he guested on called Early In The Game. YouTube commenters reckon it's a Philly minor-classic?
Call me Poo Man because two of my favourite random regional Rap song discoveries of 2024 are Hold Up by Pookie F'n Rude and Bestie by Pooh The WriteR.
You midlife crisis Rap internet guys who are out here pretending to enjoy Xaviersobased's music need to grow up and listen to some real adult-contemporary Rap like YunoMiles.
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Police Helicopter (demo version)
(From demo; 1983/Out In L.A compilation; 1994)
For 32 years I lived by the belief that Give It Away is the only good Red Hot Chili Peppers song and you couldn't tell me nothin' to the contrary. But a month or so back I saw Johnboxxx mention the demo version of Police Helicopter and that shit has been up inside my speakers like a diaphragm ever since. It's the best song Minutemen never recorded, and it conclusively bodies the official studio version (over)produced by that commie Andy Gill; them Chili Pepper lads shoulda heeded the Ramones' third rule. Anyhoo, I betcha Pimp C woulda loved this song as he loved Give It Away.
Busta Rhymes - Do The Busabus Pt. 2
(From Do The Busabus Pt. 2 single; 2024)
Forget what the song title says, this is Busta's equivalent of Mystikal's Hit Me in a Do The Bus a Bus sequel's clothing. Very unexpected turn of events where LL Cool J, Kurious and Busta are dropping some of my favourite Rap songs of 2024. That Greg Nice saxobeat-core song from a few months back was cool too.
**EDIT** a video for this single just dropped with Busta wearing an outfit which looks like it was crocheted by my aunty Liz. More importantly, I just found out that Busta's song was inspired by this amazing 1983 TV clip set to Do It Any Way You Wanna by People's Choice. One day later it all makes sense. I'm guessing this video is some real everlasting Black History™?
Charlie Green - The Bus Stop
(From The Chicago Party TV show; 1983)
Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when J-S.A.N.D said "anybody can get it and anybody can give it to you, it's like secret santa."
Bonus bloggin: 1nce again I'm gonna use my monthly wrap-up post to keep track of the best movies and TV shows I've been watching. * indicates rewatches dunnit.
LL Cool J - Illegal Search (Pre-Trial Hearing mix)
(From one of the Jingling Baby (remix) 12" singles; 1990)
LL Cool J - No Airplay (Bad Boy remix)
(From Bad Boy's Gettin' Down In Da LB mixtape; 1995)
LL Cool J - Bring On The Mo's & Ho's
(From Double L Cools Down bootleg 12" EP; 1996)
Oil up your ankles and let your Timbs tap to three of my favourite LL Cool J deep cut gems. Firstly, we got the Illegal Search (Pre-Trial Hearing mix) which was done by Large Professor and is more flavour like praline than the LP version. Secondly, we got the blowticious No Airplay (Bad Boy remix) which features entirely new lyrics and a completely different beat. And third and finally, we got a track recorded for Mr. Smith which was relegated to a Def Jam bootleg EP due to it sharing the same sample as a certain 2Pac song, word to mama. If LL ever does a Lost Tapes album then I guess like the jeans that these three tracks would be no brainer inclusions alongside Mr Controversy, Year Of The Hip Hop, the uncensored version of the O.G No Airplay, and Set It Off New York.
Kangol bucket hat tips to EttelThun and Step Wun for the Audiomack uploads of the two remixes, and to Yohan for suggesting Year Of The Hip Hop which completely slipped my mind.
LL Cool J - 1-900 L.L Cool J
(From Walking With A Panther album; 1989)
What's an LL album track beloved by you and seemingly only you? I'm a 1-900 L.L Cool J type of guy, meself. Uncle L used the 1-900 number concept before The Convicts or Roc-A-Fella, and hit the same Watermelon Man loop as the Dolly My Baby remix before Super Cat, Biggie et al. And LL did it while sounding effortlessly smug in a flow which probably made MC Shan real mad. In a perfect world 1-900 L.L Cool J woulda been the 4th single from Walking With A Panther instead of the nauseating ballad One Shot At Love.
Shit's got me thinking about what the first Rap song to start with a phone call was. Earliest I can think of is Spoonie Gee's The Big Beat. If not, The Big Beat was definitely the first Rap song to feature a "freak this" breakdown with the sound of squeaking bed springs. Insert your own Puffy joke here ----> _________.
I copped the CD of that new LL Cool J album and he's only gone and printed all the song credits and shout outs in tiny red text on a black background which I can't even read properly with my magnifying glass. Rappers, if you learn anything from this blog then let it be the layout - white text on a dark background is unfadeable, baby.
Another problem with the new LL CD is that there's no tracklist on the back sleeve. An unforgivable rookie mistake from a rapper who dropped his first CD in 1985. Musicians should always have the tracklist on the back of their CDs and should always have the tracks numbered. If I crash my car searching for songs on the CD then I'm sending LL the bill for damages.
My m8 went to see Alchemist DJ on Saturday night and offered me his spare ticket. I declined because a modern day Chemical Alan DJ set would be fulla dreary-arse recent songs by Griselda, Action Bronson, Armand Hammer and Earl Sweatshirt & his boring m8s. If I go watch Alchemist spin choonz then I wanna hear his obvious old anthems plus his banger ne plus ultras like Agallah's Crookie Monster, Casual's I Gotta (Get Down), Saigon's Stocking Cap, Big Noyd's Shoot 'Em Up, Bang, Bang, Prodigy's Raining Guns & Shanks and Boldy James' Moochie.
Fave Rap videos of 2024: Move by Mello Buckzz; Fun by Ezale; Devils Contract by Coyote; Yeah Glo! by GloRilla; A Gentle Gigg by Seiji Oda; and Yankin' by LARussell & P-Lo ft. D-Lo & Malachi. It's nice to see rappers making an effort and coming up with visuals which enhance the songs and which make the songs best experienced in video-form.
Is Milo from The Mask the greatest dog companion in movie history? Loyal, smart, inventive, crafty, funny and cute (no Bodil Joensen), Milo was the perfect lil' homie. And, unlike Jim Carrey's other great dog companion in a movie Max from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Milo was played by a single dog and not six different near-identical dogs.
"Can't trust you no mo', so I have to say goodbye
Too much drama even for a lil' guy
Haha, yeah, that's you - the lil' guy
Put me through a lot, boy bye!"
UrFavGrannie - Boy Bye
(From YouTube; 2024)
Vera Punt from Neighbours raps now? Cot-damn, "you was dead wrong, so back to the trap where you belong" is one of the coldest lines in a 2024 Rap song. Anyhoo, last time I posted a UrFavGrannie song it was for the bantz, this time it's for the bantz and because the song actually jams. Grannie looks like she ate Eazy-E, and maybe she did given how she's replicated his flow on this shit. That Nirvana shirt tho - name 3 non-album tracks, luv!
"Time is overdue, so I'm gonna spill
My guts on the theory 'cause things is gettin' ill
Dreams get traded and sold like gold ropes
And ya hopes get sunk like boats"
Kurious - Fill 'Er Up
(From unreleased; 1991/A Constipated Monkey Demo Sessions EP; 2008)
The recentrenaissance by Kurious has finally inspired me to check out that EP of his unreleased pre-A Constipated Monkey recordings. I was already up on Trueness To The Blueness but unfamiliar with the rest. Fave song on there is Fill 'Er Up where Yung Jorge is already in fine self-deprecating form over some Pete Nice production; even though Jorge has already been bitten by cynicism, the song still retains that 1991 Rap innocence. In a perfect world Fill 'Er Up shoulda been Kurious' debut single before he followed it up with Walk Like A Duck.
(I asked him on Instagram when it was recorded and he reckoned late 1991.)
LL Cool J - Basquiat Energy
(From The Force album; 2024)
Me when LL Cool J & Q-Tip's first collaboration The Force sounded like Cannibal Ox: WTF are they thinking with this weird Def Jux bollox LMAO? Where's Will High when I need him?
Me when Basquiat Energy from LL Cool J & Q-Tip's collaborative album sounds Camu Tao if he were produced by Edan: LL is the true G.O.A.T, baby! Def Jam does Def Jux is the steez I've been waiting on my entire life! MHz WHAT WHAT!!! Someone get Basquiat's old m8 Vincent Gallo to direct a video for this shit ASAP.
**EDIT** the LL & Busta track over big ole bits of Halleluwah is even better. L, Bus & Tip really Krautrocked the Bells.
LL Cool J ft. Busta Rhymes - Huey In The Chair
(From The Force album; 2024)
Ramones - M.P.S.C's TV studio performance
(From not in Arturo's Loft; 1976)
Sum shit I just found out: there's a video of the Ramones' infamous 1975 Arturo's Loft performance on YouTube where the audio doesn't take a nosedive in quality after Loudmouth. Sum other shit I just found out: the performance was #actually filmed in some New York TV studio in early 1976 a couple of weeks before the Ramones debut LP dropped. California Sun aside, this performance sounds exactly like the debut LP only rawer and louder - which is exactly what I'm looking for in a Ramones performance video. The problem with live Ramones performance videos after O.G drummer boi Tommy Ramone left is that replacement drummer bois Marky Ramone and Richie Ramone had Johnny Ramone and Dee Dee Ramone up their tempo which would leave Joey rushing his vocals to keep up with the music. The result: Da Brudders 2.0 and 3.0 had Joey out there sounding outta the pocket like Blueface.
But there aee always exceptions to the rule. Peep the time they cranked out Do You Remember Rock 'N' Radio? on British TV show Old Grey Whistle Test in 1980. I fuxwit the fancy saxophone & organ Phil Spector added to the studio version, but the song knocks different here without Spector's Wall Of Sound™ embellishments dunnit?
Ramones - Do You Remember Rock 'N' Roll Radio? (live)
(From Old Grey Whistle Test TV show; 1980)
And now for the real reason I made this post: who wants to indulge in a game of food & drink-based Ramones puns? One, two, three, flour...
Blitzkrieg Bap
Sushi Is A Headbanger
Beat On The Bratwurst
Creatine Hop
Carbonara Not Glue
Today Your Loaf, Tomorrow The Whirl
Rockaway Peach
End Of The Celery
Rocket Salad To Russia
Sheena Is A Pork Rocker
Cabbage Cabbage Hey!
The CaKe CaKe CaKe Took My Baby Away
53rd & Thirst
Um Bongo Goes To Bitburg
So I'm reading a Seiji Oda interview and I'm curious who he's talking about in this second paragraph? Like Willie Joe, I wonder...
"I was doing that because I feel like I have other albums, like ORA [太陽], for example, where it’s a lot of R&B and softer stuff because I really enjoy making that music, too. Actually, there’s people who tell me they only listen to that part of my catalog. They’ll tell me they really love that kind of sound and wish I would make more stuff like that.
But then there’s this one guy who writes Bay Area rap blogs, and he would always write about my shit and whenever I was putting out my R&B stuff, he was like, oh man, this shit is wack. Like, we need more rap, Seiji. He would say he didn’t want to hear any auto-tune bullshit (laughs). The beauty of it though, as artists, is we can be multifaceted and we can make different kinds of music for different kinds of people."
Guilty as charged! But an accidental compromise is reached on Seiji's latest single This Summer. It starts off wishy-washy sangy, but it's good because he's paying homage to my favourite City Pop song ever, and then he goes into bopper-dropper mode with an insane beat-switch before he flips back to the sea-front sunset City Pop vybz to close the song out. A proper Best Of Both Worlds song to encapsulate the duality of man/his fanbase. The Yee & The Yang.
Seiji Oda - Last Summer
(From Last Summer single; 2024)
Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when my only contribution to the Oasis discourse is thus: they are a pox on northern England and I once walked out of a pub in disgust during a Euro '96 England match when someone put Wonderwall on the jukebox and the rest of the pub burst into a mass singalong. BUT I've always loved Supersonic ever since I first heard it on The Word, and Gallagher Junior's outfit up top is the only good get-up to be worn by a member of a Britpop band.
Bonus bloggin: 1nce again I'm gonna use my monthly wrap-up post to keep track of the best movies and TV shows I've been watching. * indicates rewatches dunnit.
One of the best things about NorCal Rap is how there's very little generational Too Cool For School posing because those muhf**kers are all ears to all eras of Rap; if a song knocks then 9 times outta 10 NorCal fuxwit it. Thus, only an Oakland rapper would think of revamping Freeway & Peedi Crakk's Flipside into a 2024 slap by jacking the hook and reuniting Free & Peedi on that shit. How effortlessly does Peedi bounce, rock, skate & slide on this beat? Makes me wish Peedi had guested on some of the Freeway & Jacka songs.
LARussell is a weird artist. HissingleswithP-Lo are some of my absolute favourite music of 2024, but he's just dropped a handful of singy Chance The Rapper type singles which are unlistenable to me. I'll always hate Chance's stupid crying Adam Sandler sounding-ass voice, but I got luh love for him for effectively putting that terrible MTV News website outta business lolz.
Pookie F'n Rude ft. Kedaru & Hash Hearted - One Of Them Dayz
(From One Of Them Dayz single; 2023)
Another single I'm feelin' by the fat guy behind Hold Up and Put That On Everythang. This one's a change of pace: it's some crooning-under-a-waterfall L.A pimp ballad shit which stems from the On My Way family tree. R.I.P to Kedaru - he ain't dead, he just pasta way.
Gonna add this shit to my list of top 10 favourite non-2024 Rap songs I discovered in 2024. Peep the other 9:
You already know I've been waitin' on a video to do this choon justice. LARussell got Funky Grampa from the Give Me A Beat video to pop, lock and dumb-knock it again. Turns out Funky Grampa is an old skool Electric Boogaloo dancer called OG Mike Chaos who has previous form for strutting his stuff to classic P-Lo productions. If the BBC ever accept my pitch for a Strictly Turf Dancing TV show then OG Mike Chaos needs to be a contestant.
When I've been to Oakland it seems like there's an old white bloke in a cap and an M-65 jacket on every block. Mans are in da streetz like black & white Nike Dunks.
Kurious - Best Loosies 2010 to 2014
1. Snake Charmer (2003/2010)
2. White Rum (2012)
3. Best In The World (2014)
4. Delusional (2014)
Just in time for the new Monkeypox outbreak, the last Constipated Monkey standing Kurious is finally dropping his long-touted album which was overseen by MF DOOM. The album drops late September, so, until then, here's a mini-playlist of late-career Kurious loosies to keep you fluffed like a gibbon. We got Snake Charmer 2 which is a rerecording of an unreleased song recorded for DOOM's King Geedorah album that finally saw the light of day on a bonus 7" which came with some Ninja Tune boxset; we got his Max B-inspired 2012 single White Rum which is better than his #actual single with the chairman of the surfboard; we got his 2014 single Best In The World which wouldn't sound outta place at the Latin club in Carlito's Way; and we got another 2014 single Delusional which'll make you bob that head like a Muppet.
R.I.P to Rap's tzar of sloganed t-shirt BeatKing. He was a rapper I only checked for every couple of years, but always delivered some killer booty-chatter bangeurs when I got round to his music. Last BeatKing song I fuxwit hard was 2023's On Yo Head remix where he reunited Diamond and Princess from Crime Mob.
It's a pity BeatKing and Mouse On Tha Track only ever collaborated thrice, because they had crazy chemistry when rhyming about female biology/anatomy. In a perfect world, Universe is a song which would inspire a million flat-arsed women to get BBLs.
Is Ice-T's M.V.P.s Rap's G.O.A.T shout outs song? It knocks harder than a lotta other Rapper's singles and it contains phrases which have been part of my personal lexicon for over 30 years.
Kurious - Unknown Species
(From the upcoming Majician album; 2024)
Kurious - I Don't Even Exist
(From Mystery Mixtape EP; 2024)
As he ages, Kurious is the boricua who now looks more like a 50-something scouser. His last 2 singles are hot like bifter smoke even though he didn't bother to write a chorus for either of them. G'wed and giz some proper boss chorus anthems in the vein of Uptown Shit or Fastlane on this upcoming album, la'.
Young MC - Principal's Office
(From Stone Cold Rhymin' album; 1989)
Young Bleed - Give and Take
(From My Own album; 1999)
Gotta love this era of YouTube when old Rap videos I've only ever seen in shitty pixelated rips previously are now being uploaded in grown & gorgeous pristine quality. Here's two favourites by two rappers who are no longer Young. Peep how exquisite the blues look in the Give and Take video, darlings - deepest, bluest like the Indian Ocean archipelago.
Related: someone needs to steal the print of Steve Buscemi & Vincent Gallo's first movie The Way It Is that's housed in NYU and finally release that shit to the public by uploading it to YouTube. You know who else is in that movie? Rockets Redglare AKA the bloke who probably #actually killed Nancy Spungen. Sid Vicious woz innocent and you can't tell me nuffink to the contrary!
Pookie F'n Rude already has a West Coast semi-hit with Put That On Everythang and it's all-star remix featuring E-40, Suga Free & E-40. I fux with the remix, but I prefer Pookie's latest single Hold Up because it sounds like the sorta song which could be a legit West Coast hit. This shit is what DJ Quik would call a Bam-Bam™: a big choon with a chorus you can holla at the moon and bass which is lower than Neck Face's enviable hairline. Song of my own private summer material.
Pookie F'n Rude - Hold Up
(From Hold Up single; 2024)
That bulldyke septum piercing makes Pookie look like a lesbian Timbaland. My guy heard Egyptian Lover's The Alezby Inn and got shit twisted like a kite's tail.
LARussell & P-Lo ft. Malachi & Richie Rich - What We Doin'?
(From Majorly Independent EP; 2024)
It was inevitable I'd post this song eventually given that I've already mentioned how Richie Rich makes the best video entrance of 2024 in it. Posting this shit today because Rich performed it in LARussell's backyard over the weekend and ended up thinking on his feet off the domepiece after he went flat out on his arse and broke his knee on stage. Let's put our hands together for a true professional Rap performer. The realest example of The Show Must Go On you'll ever see. "Never underestimate the O.G" 4 real.
"Bust the game down like an 8th of blow
Rocked it up, blew my knee, do you see that, yo?
Still flowin', n***a, and I can't stand up
N***as in the 'hood call the doc man up
What we doin'? F**kin' with a n***a on stage
What we doin'? Blew my knee actin' out my age
What we doin'? I don't really even give a f**k
What we doin'? I need some f**kin' help up
What we doin'? Somebody run and call the nurse
What we doin'? I done blew my f**kin' knee first
What we doin'? Baby, real talk, I can't move
What we doin'? I don't know what I'm 'bout to do"
Really doe, I'm buggin' that Richie Rich's non-studio IRL voice is different to his recorded rap voice. Who knew he #actually sounds like Neckface?
Royal House - Can You Party?
(From Top Of The Pops TV show; 1988)
Todd Terry released the proto-Rave classic Can You Party? under his Royal House pseudonym in 1988, and it was the first New York Hip-House track to blow up in Britain. When that shit become a U.K Top 20 hit in late '88, Terry was invited to perform the track on our weekly TV music chart show Top Of The Pops. The urban rumour has always been that none of the people onstage are #actually Todd Terry, and Champion Records who licensed Can You Party? for U.K release just hired Sonique and three black British blokes to pretend to be Royal House. I've always subscribed to this theory until I saw this late 80s picture of Todd minus his trademark baseball cap. The bloke up front miming the "CAN YOU FEEL IT?"s is him innit? Dial M for Martorialist if you agree!
"Life comes at you pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
He ain't had much education, and after that brick to the bollox, he ain't gonna need much birth control. And people have the nerve to suggest that British comedy isn't as good as it used to be. M8, nobody does slapstick humour better than Great Britain™. Can't put shit past him, got whiteboys on his own team mad enough to blast him. Shout outs Del from Hiero, karma is a bitch!
"Being in the wrong place at the wrong time
Comin' at ya in the wrong state of mind"
Del Tha Funkee Homosapien - Wrong Place
(From No Need For Alarm album; 1993)
Bonus bloggin: 1nce again I'm gonna use my monthly wrap-up post to keep track of the best movies and TV shows I've been watching. * indicates rewatches dunnit.
Here at The Martorialist we're lovin' these rolling shot one take videos LARussell & P-Lo have been shooting for their EP. Just like the Yankin' clip, these two videos capture the songs' essence and energy in a way that's effortless like Boiling Point and not laboured like Birdman. There's far too many jump-cuts in most Rap videos and it's surely Jean-Luc Godard's fault innit? All these clips for the EP were clearly shot in one day because the background cast of friends, famalam and fans are all wearing the same clothes in each clip. According to old timers from the Bronx "peace, love, unity and having fun" are the principles of Hip-Hop kulcha and these videos deliver all four in oodles. I dunno if I'd ever check for Malachi as a solo artiste, but he's a joy on these guest spots poppin' up and showin' out with excitable puppy dog teenage energy. Result: maximum Thizz Khalifa levelz achieved.
Also a big fan of the clip for What We Doin', particularly the bit when Richie Rich slides into frame in a root beer coloured old school motor to deliver his cameo. Now that's an entrance.
Goretex ft. Necro - DopeSick
(From Necro's Brutality Part 1 compilation; 2003)
Dome blown in the comforts of my own home: the sample on Goretex & Necro's DopeSick comes from some Keith Mansfield KPM stock music famed for its regular use in the Australian women's prison TV serial Prisoner: Cell Block H. Damn, son - worlds are colliding like the time Mark B sampled some KPM stock music used in the Are You Being Served? movie for Can't Be Stop by Missin' Linx. Turns out Keith Mansfield's shit has been sampled fairly frequently throughout the years, although his most sinister compositions Underlying Menace is hitherto untouched. That track is also famed for its regular use in Prisoner: Cell Block H - there was a war going on inside Wentworth Prison no woman was safe from, and whenever that music appeared some nefarious shit was about to go down.
Really shoulda included DopeSick in my legit choonz by tragically unhip New York rappers playlist. Alas, Goretex and Necro fell out in the mid 2000s which resulted in Necro going on a message board rant where he called Goretex "A ROBOTIC RETARD WITH VIRUSES (LEPROSY) THAT NO SPYWARE CAN CURE!" Never forgive action or wot?
"I don't argue with my bitch, we just agree to disagree
You ain't never seen a n***a do this shit to dis degree"
Eatem - Start It Off
(From the internet; 2024)
Eatem has spent the past year bouncing in and out of prison, but he's back with a "allow me to reintroduce myself" type track. Much like Lil' Ricefield's Him Burton, this is one of those rare all bars/no chorus tracks I can fuxwit because it's a (re)intro which still has structure even though it lacks a chorus. Plus, the beat is that old robotic, futuristic Galvatron shit that's left a doo doo stain on my brain the size of Unicron. Don't get me twisted like an Arabian gymnast tho - apart from the 1986 movie, everything about the entire Transformers franchise sucked.
* Really doe, it's time for Eatem & Day Day Sustaaa to stop sittin' around like puddings and shoot a video for their battle-of-the-sexes song Get Somebody Else To Do It.
Getting It Back: The Cymande Story (trailer)
(the BFI's YouTube page; 2024)
Been waiting to see the Cymande documentary since a trailer for it first appeared a couple of years back, so shit was on like Donkey Kong when my local cinema screened it last night. Never did I ever imagine I'd see the Biz Markie puppet on a British cinema screen, but that's exactly what happened when the documentary featured clips from Master Ace's Me & The Biz video. I never quite realised how unsuccessful they were in the U.K at the time, nor how popular they briefly were in America - my mans supported Al Green on tour playing to thousands of people every night, were the first British group to headline Harlem's Apollo theatre, and The Message was a legit Billboard 100 hit. Fancy that eh?
Cymande's Dove is one of those songs which has me thinking "how did ANYBODY ever come up with this?" and "how did NOBODY ever come up with this before?" at the SAME DAMN TIME! Moreover, I can't believe nobody flipped that sample until Diamond D cooked up The Score for The Fugees in 1996. Part of me wishes Diamond had given that beat to somebody else, but that somebody else probably would have been wack-arse Fat Joe. Sometimes you've gotta say "c'est Fu-Gee-La vie" ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
We live in a world where nobody has ever uploaded Cymande's Soul Train appearance to YouTube, but there are multiple uploads of David Bowie's performance of his woeful Golden Years single on Soul Train. Motherf**kers are all up in the game with their priorities missin'.
Hard Rock Soul Movement - Double Def Fresh
(From 12" single; 1986)
What dis? A 1986 British Electro track by future Kiss FM DJ duo Max LX & Dave VJ designed for Covent Garden body-poppers which got a second wind during the 1988/1989 Summer Of Love and became a favourite of Acid House Ravers. Makes sense because you can totally imagine this gettin' played next to sum shit like Voodoo Ray, right? Morgan Khan must not have been a fan of this track because he never included it on any of his Street Sounds Electro compilations. But the likes of A Guy Called Gerald, LFO and Autechre were all big fans of this track and it shows in their early music.
A pack of Jammy Dodgers goes to any non-Brits who can identify where the "I'm afraid it's not fresh" vocal sample comes from. Don't be cheating by Googling it tho!
No shotz, just factz: this LARussell & P-Lo EP with the former on the raps & the latter on the beats is a better 2024 HBK Gang release than the #actual 2024 HBK Gang release by Kool John & P-Lo. You already know Yankin' with D-Lo is my shit, and this is another choon of choice. When LARussell says "man, this shit be makin' me feel like Turf Talk, oh my God!" in the opening seconds, it sets the tone for what type of Dumb Knock™ this one is.
Rappers, dump your bespoke Jesus-piece medallions and cop yourself a vintage 1978 Battlestar Galactica official merchandise pendent of Imperious Leader. Late 70s kids turning up to infant school with that thing around their necks must have felt like Slick Rick in 1988. The pendents were never released in the U.K, but we did get Mattel's Imperious Leader action figure after Battlestar Galactica mania hit Britain in the early 1980s. File it under 'action figures which looked like Colonel Gaddafi meets Purple Aki.'
Yeah, in the past year I've become one of those sad late 40-something blokes who use vintage toy figures as objet d'art ornaments for my desk and shelves. Holla @ ya host if you wanna sell me a Baron Greenback bully figure for around the £20 mark.
... and speakin' of P-Lo, he produced LARussell's new single which I fuxwit. We got subtle but effective use of the Sonic Boom thud-reverbos; we got three rappers & one producer with chemistry galore in the single-take video; we got a chorus which shouts out Messy Marv and The Jacka; and we got a finger-snappin' riddim. Unfortunately, we also got LARussell wearing Nu-Metal lookin' ass trousers which are even worse than the JNCO lookin' ass jeans LL Cool J wore in the Saturday Night Special video. When did Rappers become the most swagless dressers on the planet? What happened to the world?
