Star f*kkin' across the Lone Star State

Like the O.G Firm nearly told us, It's 1 night in Texas, Jim, but not as we know it. BeatKing's 1 Night is a brave new world that equates to Mahogany in a small town on the outskirts of Houston with your girlfriend:

"I ain't a Hot Boy, I'm a Hot Man
That'll eat your ass 'til you say ‘GODAMN!’
Now it's 9 AM, her taxi outside
Turn your phone back on and tell your man a lie"

BeatKing - 1 Night
(From Pole Sex EP; 2014)

Generic list post: july 2014

"I do this for Miss Gladys, boy.... 100!"


Obligatory round-up post of the songs ya boy Messi Marv has been listening to during the month when Lil' Chris turned up at the Commonwealth Games as a member of Ghana's women's weightlifting team called Dora Abotsi.

A-Wax - Maury Dance (2014)
Mouse On Tha Track - Be Alright (2014)
B.o.B ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Drunk AF (2014)
DB Tha General - Is He Really Real? (2014)
Lil' Debbie - Work The Middle (2014)
Kool John ft. P-Lo - Bitch I Look Good (2014)
IamSu ft. 2 Chainz & Sage The Gemini - Only That Real (Back 2 Cali remix) (2014)
HS87 - Grindin' My Whole Life (2014)
Too $hort - 19,999 (2014)
The Game ft. Too $hort, Problem, AV & Eric Bellinger - Or Nah (2014)
Skeme ft. T.I. - Look What I Did (2014)
King Louie - Live And Die In Chicago (2014)
HD of Bearfaced - Stuck In My Old Ways (2014)
K Kutta - Freeze Tag Booty (2013)
Smoov-E ft. Clyde Carson - What's It Gonna Be? (2014)
Kid Ink ft. King Los - No Option (2013)
Mozzy ft. June & Bacastunna - Don't Yank (2013)
Joe Moses ft. Ty Dolla $ign & Tyga - For A Real 1 (2014)
Street Knowledge - 40 Witta 30 (2014)
Cormega ft. Black Rob - Home (2014)
Just came across this track on Audiomack whilst writing this post and it's definitely the type of cheap 'n' nasty R-Funk jam that could make its way into my current rotation:

"Paper-chasin' got me on a roller coaster
Drug dealin' got me on a Wanted poster
Movin' through these streets like a new Testarossa
Used the Hermes belt for my weapon holster.."

Yowda ft. YG - That's How It Goes
(From the internet; 2014)


Previously: june, may, april, march, february, and january.

"Bruv, this dude looks like a Polack Sheek Louch!"

That was my first thought when the WaxFase plug Rey upped Thug Deluxe in Ackbar's classique School me on A-Wax thread back in 2008. Once you get over the initial shock of 'Wax "not even (being) bruh-bruh" he might be the first peckerwood rapper whom you quickly forget is white until those occasions when he brings his ethnicity up in song:

"My prayers were answered when that package landed
Put that weight up on my shoulders, bet my back can stand it
Whiteboy Piru with that plug make me Black Hispanic
When the people hit the do' we know what's crackin' damnit"

A-Wax - Only Pray
(From Pullin' Strings album; 2014)


Pullin' Strings is living up to my expectations on first listen, though I've yet to work out which song this snippet is home to. On a futher Puttin' The TM Into TMZ Whilst Lurking On A-Wax's Instagram tip, it looks like These Bros Ain't Loyal is an archly appropriate swansong to his tenure with Brick Squad. Feel like my own prayers have been answered here because the only truly great thing to come out of that ill-fitting dalliance was the hook on Yeah Right.

Reasons why I love YouTube # 57

#RARE sighting of Fabo without a baseball cap in this video of D4L doing Betcha Can't Do It Like Me at BET's Spring Bling 2006:


Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why is everybody bar Fabo wearing jeans or jhorts in tropical weather? Also, are K-Rab & Kool Ace the fifth & sixth guys on stage?

Under the quim

"College girl, I'ma study that booty
You got a job? Work that booty"

K Kutta - Freeze Tag Booty
(From the internet; 2013)


File this under ‘kinda amazing songs by local Miami MMG 5th stringers that've been floating around since last december and are now gettin' spins on Westwood’ and ‘the official soundtrack to the Nicki Minaj Anaconda JPG’.

Just sayin: "Aaliyah made it a hot line, Lil' Debbie made it a hot song" edition

In just shy of 3 minutes, Lil' Debbie's latest single Work The Middle has single-handedly atoned for Ryan Hemsworth's remix of One In A Million and a thousand boring SoundCloud&B songs with Aaliyah interpolations. In fact, it's almost like Aaliyah's Rock The Boat's sole purpose in life was to inspire the hook on Debbie's 2nd hot single of 2014, huh? As with $lot Machine, Ratchet production maketh the slap but Debbie now bringeth the Gas (no Anna Faris):

"Don't throw me a sub, mention me in a Tweet
I might throw you a slug and it'll hit like the beat"

Lil' Debbie - Work The Middle
(From California Sweetheart 2 EP; 2014)


New rule: henceforward the only non-blk ppl who are allowed to make rap music are Italian-American girls from California who grew up on Husalah, DB Tha General, Pink Dollaz, and New Era.

Yike Terror

Was anybody else pleasantly surprised to hear the echoing "HEY!" vocal sample that's the trademark of The 99 Percent's tracks like Yike In It, Double Dip and Shabooyah! on Till I Meet Selena from King Louie's new 'tape?

King Louie - Till I Meet Selena
(From Tony mixtape; 2014)



Song idea for Louie: a Williams sister-themed track with its own Yike dance called -- wait for it -- Val Venus. You can have that one on consignment, John Monopoly.

But ya mom was in the Cocktails video

"When TMZ had me runnin' from the cop car
I had 4 naked bitches at the spot, boi"

Too $hort - 19,999
(From t'internet; 2014)



19,999 isn't Mumm-Rap The Ever Living Too $hort's age, but the amount of bitties he's claiming to have rogered. This song feels inevitable after this, this, this and, indeed, this. It's not quite the Function-ready Blow The Whistle some of us have been hoping for, nevertheless it's a much better modern $hort single than this and probably his best solo song since this.

Generic list post: shinola songs by shit rappers part 2

Rap blog rule number three: when you're shit out of ideas, drop a generic list post, and when you're shit out of ideas for a generic list post, drop a sequel generic list post.

That title of Shinola songs by shit rappers feels a little unfair in hindsight, so it might be better to think of these two posts as a celebration of remarkable songs by rappers with otherwise unremarkable catalogues of their own.

Maino - Role Model (2008)
Whistle - (Nothin' Serious) Just Buggin' (1986)
YB - I'm A Jerk (2009)
Mann ft. 50 Cent - Buzzin' remix (2010)
The New Style - Scuffin' Those Knees (1989)
St. Lunatics - Batter Up (2001)
The Pack - The Curb (1992)
Lady Of Rage - Afro Puffs (1994)
Reflection Eternal ft. Mos Def & Mr Man - Fortified Live (1997)
Tha Joker - Dope (2011)
Mr Lif ft. Murs - Murs Iz My Manager (2006)
Pusha-T ft. Kelly Rowland - Let Me Love You (2013)
Disco Four - Throwdown (1983)
Freeky Zekey ft. Max B & Sen City - Henny (2007)
Wacko - Nolia Clap (original version) (2003)
Tarrie B - Murder She Wrote (1990)
Juney Boomdata ft. Sandman - I Got Hoes (2009)
Goretex ft. Necro - Dopesick (2003)
Nairobi & The Awesome Foursome - Funky Soul Makossa (1982)
Sicko Mobb - Fiesta (2013)
Yo, remember that time we all went to download the no-DJ version of Sicko Mobb's mixtape just for the tagless 320 kbps MP3 of their one good song Fiesta only to find it now featured a verse by A$AP Ferg? Bop died right there and then.

Ambitionz Az A Shaun Ryder

"I'm in the field, 2 sticks on me
2 bricks on me
Consequences and repercussions - it get sick, homie"

DB Tha General - Is He Really Real?
(From The Book Of Secrets album; 2014)



Is ya boy trippin' or is the beat on this cut from DB's new album based on some Happy Mondays song? If so, wow, something good has finally arisen from the toxic nadir of post-WW2 British culture that was Madchester.

Ian Brown's crimes are just as heinous as the crimes committed by Ian Brady, Ian Huntley, and Ian Watkins, IMHO.

Lots of people say they don't listen to Kid Ink. They do.

Respectfully submitted for your perusal - the fake Chris Brown's other good song. Length: a little over 3 minutes and 25 seconds. Guest: the one rapper who preferred Missy Elliot's drop-crotch binbag suit to Bad Boy's bacofoil shiny suits. Origin: whatever the fake Chris Brown's album is called. Motives for posting this? Therein hangs the tale, for in just a moment, we're going to ask you to shake hands, figuratively, with the notion of the fake Chris Brown having made two more good songs than Schoolboy Q ever has, and the concrete reality of No Option sounding like what Drake would sound like if he didn't grow up drinking milk out of plastic bags. This is The Martorialist.

Kid Ink ft. King Los - No Option
(The internet; 2013/whatever Kid Ink's album is called; 2014)

You mention me? You better jump a fence from me!

Copywrite's recent bullshit "yo son, I got 5 DUIs and Stone Cold Stunnered a cop so I'm going to jail until november!" publicity stunt to promote his new Amalgam Digital album has just reminded me that he was featured of one of my low-key favourite 12" singles on Fondle 'Em Records with the other bloke from MHz who wasn't Camu Tao. If Ratchet production is the great leveler of rappers nowadays then moody piano samples were the great equaliser during the 1997 - 2002 indie-rap era:

"Stay outta the section when I'm lacin' joints
Any suggestion of battlin' is outta the question like an exclamation point"

Jakki Tha Motamouth ft. Copywrite - Widespread
(From Widespread 12"; 2000/MHZ's Table Scraps compilation CD; 2001)


Related: Why couldn't God have taken Copywrite instead of Camu Tao????

There's Levels to this shit

What do rodents say when they play bingo?


'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
That was my favourite Mouse joke of all time, this is the new Mouse On Tha Track full length Air Time:


If you read this site, chances are you're already versed in what to expect from a new Mouse release, so the only insight I need to offer you is that you should probably add Level & Mouse's Get It Back onto the tracklist and pretend its a retail-only bonus song:

Level ft. Mouse On Tha Mouse - Get It Back
(From Unsupervised album; 2013)


PS: yes, Liberation (The Cut) is really about Mouse chopping his dreads off. Regardless of whether you like his music or not, you gotta admit that Mouse is one of the few rappers out currently who can get away with making a song about getting his hair cut. Imagine such a topic in the hands of Stalley or one of PeeWee LongWay's shirtless mates and shudder.

Logjams on multiple levels

Probably gonna rename this site Random West Coast Slaps Found On Thizzler, Siccness or Digital Dripped because that's all ya boy Nate Patrin Dogg right chea seems to be posting this summer. The thing is, California rap is so ~on~ right now that even the 3.5/5 tracks like this posse-cut below are 4.5/5 tracks compared to what's coming out of every other region:

"I got an old bitch
I got a new bitch
I even got a few bitches I went to school with
I got a mixed bitch, I got a black bitch
But one thing I never had was a wack bitch..."

City Shawn ft. D-Lo & Show Banga - Bitches
(From the internet; 2014)


One of my nan's favourite saying was that it's better to have too much of something than too little and City Shawn, D-Lo & Show Banga are out chea keeping her spirit alive with this Bitches thlap. If you were bummed-out that Philthy Rich discontinued his _ Bitches At The Same Time series in 2012 after its third installment then this is the jam 4 u.

Her Mistakez?

From A-Wax's Instagram:

That's beautiful. If this marriage doesn't last it'll only be because of the dude arguing about how Buffalo Bill has more knock factor in the whip than Gun Range during their trips to the supermarket every saturday morning.

Orson Welles told Henry Jaglom that Laurence Olivier used to jerk off to his own reflection in teh mirror

"Say I look better in person
Cheated on her man but she told me it's worth it"

Kool John ft. P-Lo - Bitch I Look Good
(From the upcoming Shmop City mixtape; 2014)


File this under ‘most of the best HBK slaps have some sort of 1995 - 2004 Ca$h Money influence’ and ‘also see: She Ready, Is That Yo' Hoe?, the 100 Grand remix and Heal The World.’

Generic list post: K-Klass songs DJ Mustard should use

Yo DJ Mustard, I'm really happy you used Robin S & Snap! and I'ma let you finish, but K-Klass got one of the best discographies in House music of all time! One of the best discographies in House music of all time!

For all y'all uncultured infidels who use the term EDM without a hint of embarrassment, here's the dilly, yo: K-Klass were the greatest non-Chicagoan House group ever because they understood that the absolute zenith of House music is the piano intro to Marshall Jefferson's Move Your Body. Imagine a Daft Punk who'd ever had an original idea, a Daft Punk who'd ever made more than 4 good songs, a Daft Punk who weren't a couple of poncey French blokes who make dance music for people who usually think that dance music is gay and/or dumb... that's K-Klass.

So, here's 10 songs from K-Klass' labyrinthine oeuvre that are ripe for sampling now we're on the cusp of a Hip-House revival. List is a 60/40 split of their own club classic singles and their incredible remixes of artists from other genres which never failed to make the original songs superfluous thereafter:

K-Klass - Rhythm Is A Mystery
Bobby Brown - Two Can Play That Game (K-Klassic mix)
K-Klass - Why
K-Klass - Let Me Show You
Joe Roberts - Lover (K-Klass Klub Mix)
K-Klass - Don't Stop
M People - Love Rendezvous (K-Klass Klub Mix)
K-Klass - So Right
Blondie - Rapture (K-Klass Klub Mix)
K-Klass - What You're Missing
Janet Jackson & Luther Vandross - The Best Things in Life Are Free (K-Klass mix)
On a list-related note, check out this Shout Out songs (1990 - 1994) compilation on Hot Box. Only notable omissions I can think of currently are Dedication by Brand Nubian and The Shout-Outs by Kid Capri.

Luncheon music

Like I suggested already, Ratchet is already destined to be the most important sound of this decade because it's the great leveler of rappers. New case in point: even everyone's least-favourite Jacka weed-carrier Street Knowledge now has a legitimate 4/5 jam to his name thanks to this blumper by June On The Beat.

"Ladder on my hammer, banana on my choppa
Masked up, Phantom of The Opera
Gassed up, with a cannon in my boxers
Mobbed out with a brand new ham sammich for my patna"

Street Knowledge - 40 Witta 30
(From 40 Witta 30 single; 2014)



June On The Beat was also responsible for I Been That by Show Banga & Sage The Gemini so he's probably a producer I should pay more attention to. Will Paypal a fiver to anyone who comes through with a list of June On The Beat slaps.

lol Percy

It's that moment every TRU No Limit Soldier has been waitin' for since the Grand Imperial Percy Miller returned to the rap game a couple of years back: P & his newly-hired goon squad going Ratchet over Poundland DJ Mustard beats for -- how perfect an historical parallel is this? -- the upcoming sequel to Ice Cream Man:

"Throwing money like it's pizza
N*gga runnin' round, hoes say they wanna meetcha
Bad bitches on a n*gga like Keyshia
N*gga might ghostride to the preacher"

Master P ft. Eastwood & Travis Kr8ts - Too Real
(From Ice Cream Man 2 album; 2014)


Invasion of the Paranoid snatchers! The only difference is this is at least a gazillion times better than the B.o.B version.

The inverse Gentle Jones

Is it a turd? Is it a train? Nope, it's another 2014 rap song which happens to be inspired by I Need A Freak:

"I got the swag of a high school jock, bitch
Reason why the whip topless
Seldom seen, don't come across this.."

Smoov-E ft. Clyde Carson - What's It Gonna Be?
(From What's It Gonna Be? single; 2014)


What's It Gonna Be sounds like it was born to be slapped alongside Game's new Don't Fight The Feeling homage, but, eh, Smoov-E has previously displayed some very dodgy South Park Mexican-type tendencies he revisits here. Dude might need Julienne Shepherd on his team to hush that story up if it turns out he's really 'bout dat Mickey Mars Bar life.

No Sky Sports

"Let's keep it real, Stunna: when's the last time you been to Super Sunday?

They might not know what I'm talkin' 'bout, but I know what I'm talkin' 'bout.."

Ain't gon' lie, I didn't know what Gillie Da Kid was talkin' 'bout either until coming across Supa Sunday In N.O when gettin' familiar with 5th Ward Weebie's full discography on Spotify recently. Is this the most Louisiana-sounding Louisiana rap song of the noughties or wot?

"Everybody's on the scene, baby mommas and all
You got your junkies, your winos, big timers and all
You got your bitch folk, your rich folk, and n*ggas like me
Who only got 10 in his pocket but he wearin' a G"

5th Ward Weebie - Supa Sunday In N.O
(From Da Unexpected album; 2003)



P.S. There's now a live acapella preview of Let Me Find Out Part 2 on YouTube.

B.o.B makes good song in 2014 shocker!!!

Are fiddles officially a thing in Atlanta rap again? It's ya boy Nigel Duddy Kennedy:

B.o.B ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Drunk AF
(From No Genre 2 mixtape; 2014)


Gonna take this as Ty Dolla $ign & B.o.B's official apology for ruining Paranoid.

An appreciation of AZ's shelved Final Call album (sorta)

It's now been a decade since AZ's annus horribilis of 2004 where his friendship with Cam'Ron resulted in Nas not clearing Serious for AZ's Final Call album before the album leaked onto the internet months before its release date to scathing reviews from XXL causing AZ to scrap the entire project. A handful of its tracks would later go on to fan-favourites which appeared on various unofficial compilations & as bonus tracks on official albums, and the entire album eventually got Lost Tapes-billed CD release on Koch Records 4 years later in 2008, but unless you're a hardcore AZ maven this entire story probably passed you by, and the album currently finds itself in danger of being relegated from the Comparative Obscurity subsection of the noughties New York rap canon into the depths of Complete Oblivion.

Serious was the first track since How Ya Livin' where Nas outrapped AZ so it's probably best left as an unofficial entry in the Anthony Cruz catalogue, and shelving Final Call was a rash decision on AZ's part when the album was cut from the same Coogi sweater & Evisu denim cloth as his previous full-length Aziatic and contained a bunch of great songs which he could've condensed down into an EP and then sold independently in New York as he'd done 4 years earlier with S.O.S.A promo CD when he faced similar issues after departing from his Noo Trybe Records deal.

You can't buy Final Call or anything from it on iTunes/Amazon etc because AZ had a fall out with Bob Perry, and all the RAR file links to it are probably dead at this point, so ya boy Ho Hattie Collins right chea whittled it down to its essentials and uploaded the results for doz dat slept. No Magic Hour because CL Smooth sounds like a Tomtit on a round of beef over that beat, no You Know even though I love it because it might be a bit too Rap & Bullshit for all y'all savages, and I ripped No Strings Attached from the Anthology compilation because it's mastered better than the one on Final Call.

AZ - Final Call (EP edit)

1. Live Wire
2. Talkin' Gangsta
3. Seems That Way
4. I am AZ
5. No Strings Attached
6. Omega
7. The Truth

~~~> DOWNLOAD HERE <~~~

Martorial elegance # 76

No Lifestyle Synergy zone edition:

Never forget!

Don't fight the stealing

File this under ‘songs I never would've listened to on the internet which sound so right as radio jams on Westwood’ and ‘lol @ Game now being a more popular rapper than 50’:

Game ft. Too $hort, Problem, AV & Eric Bellinger - Or Nah
(From whatever Game's next album is called; 2014)


Mercifully, this is a sneaky homage to Too $hort's Don't Fight The Feeling rather than the throwaway beatjack of Ty$ & Wiz Khalifa's last single you'd expect it to be with that title. A+++ will definitely enjoy hearing this throughout the summer of 2014, though it's obviously not a patch on Suga Free's reimagining of Don't Fight The Feeling.

Old man yells at (Sound)Cloud

Taken from SoundCloud, two west coast joints with samples from the G-Funk era that both totally sound like now, even if now happens to be an overcast saturday morning. Throw these tracks into your playlist next to YG & TeeFlii's Do It To Ya and, et voilà, you too can feel like Yukmouth & Numskull at the pool party in the I Got 5 On It video:

IamSu! ft. 2 Chainz & Sage The Gemini - Only That Real (Back 2 Cali Remix)
(From DJ B Cause's SoundCloud; 2014)


The Kid Ryan ft. Problem & Mr Smith - No Boundaries
(From The Young California SoundCloud; 2014)



The original Only That Real sounded too stiff and cheerless for ya boy Dianne ONYXberry so this remix corrects both of those problems. As for No Boundaries, that one needs to blow up to atone for Problem getting his verse cut from the definitive version of 2014's best Ratchet & Bullshit song.

Ya shoulda killed me after the 2nd Body Count album

Ice-T - Ya Shoulda Killed Me Last Year/M.V.P.s
(From the O.G. Original Gangster VHS tape; 1991)



Here at The Martorialist, we've forgiven Ice-T a multitude of transgressions over the years -- giving Everlast his start in rap, dressing up as a kangaroo in Tank Girl, dumping Darlene for a skanky caucasoid like CoCo, pretending to laugh at Philip Schofield's shit jokes on All Star Mr & Mrs, claiming Lupe Fiasco is a superior artist to Soulja Boy --, but in today's Guardian he committed the ultimate cardinal sin of sweating that bloke who's both the worst rapper of all time and a cardboard tough-guy who got the shit beaten out of him by a teenage Filipino who later found fame on the internet filming himself sucking tranny's dicks:




R.I.P big man. We'll always have that time I turned up at school on non-uniform day with a chain around my waist like you on the back cover of O.G.

The Blurbs

"Ray, this is Walter!"

This was me the first time I heard Cardan's Feelin' It from his shelved 1999 album Hey Young World. Feelin' It is a song of contrasting fortunes for its authors, where Ma$e's former shiny suit folder from Harlem World probably still cries himself to sleep over it never coming out as his follow-up single to Jam On It, Pharrell clearly thanks his lucky stars it was never officially released so he could rework and reuse elements of the song for two of his biggest hits of the noughties: that Justin Timberlake McDonalds commercial song and Snoop's Drop It Like It's Hot.

"Knockin' Computer Love mixed with Super Thug"

Cardan ft. Pharrell - Feelin' It
(From Hey Young World album; 1999)



Some pub-quiz trivia for datazz there. Main reason for this post, though, is that I recently stumbled on the no-DJ version of Cardan & Ma$e's mixtape minor classic Time Is Money. Cardan made an awfully good Ricky Butler to Ma$e's Lt. Mark Rumsfield, and Time Is Money is a quintessential proto-Jiggy Harlem deep cut from that transitional period between street favourites like American Dream and Creep, and legitimate hits like Feel So Good and Horse And Carriage.

"Got keys I leave my n*ggas for when I'm gone
Butlers that bring me buffets after dawn
6 Mexicans get paid to mow my lawn"

Cardan ft. Ma$e - Time Is Money
(From DJ Clue's New Acuzations mixtape; 1997)

Shout outs to Shaggy & Rik-Rok

"I know exactly what happened, though
I let that bitch see me with 40 bands
She tried to blame her baby on me, bro
I took that test and did the Maury Dance"

A-Wax - Maury Dance
(From the upcoming Pullin' Strings album; 2014)



File this under ‘man, that new A-Wax album is really shaping up to be my most anticipated release of July’ and ‘also see his other new track No Limit.’

I don't doodle on the internet

Skeme ft. T.I - Look What I did
(From Look What I did single; 2014)


Not sure how a west coast rapper who happens to be the great-nephew of Howlin' Wolf ends up on the Bay Area Ratchet label Empire Distribution with a song featuring T.I, but we should all be thankful the plan together because Look What I Did is the 2014 We Made It and T.I.P's presence means its unlikely to get gaffled by The Canadian.

File this under ‘songs that manage to channel both Genghis Khan after the Battle of Badger Mouth and James Franco in Spring Breakers during the "LOOK AT ALL MAH SHIT!" scene’.