Basically, Jimmy Spicer's camp Transylvanian accent when he's pretending to be Dracula visiting Studio 54 on Adventures Of Super Rhymes >>>>>>>> Raider Klan retards doing 90's spooky Memphis-Rap karaoke and 7th generation Horrorcore Tumblr-Rap like Flatbush Zombies :
Jimmy Spicer - Adventures Of Super Rhyme
(From The Adventures Of Super Rhyme 12"; 1980)
Facts is facts, lads - Jimmy Spicer was laying down that stream-of-conscious "crazy space shit that don't even make no sense" on wax for nearly 14 minutes straight 3 years before Rammellzee dropped Beat Bop.
No wonder KanYe West got rid of John Monolopy; what an ol' Oliver Humperdink type managing ass oaf he is for this :
King Louie - Val Venis
(From Dope And Shrimp album; nevurary)
Val Venis is King Louie's The Show to Bars's La Di Di Da Di and a potential viral hit in the making, so what does John Monolopy finally do with the song months after squandering its initial buzz? Completely ignore its wrestling-related dance USP and shoot some sub-L.E.P Bogus Boyz resembling generic video for the song that nobody will ever watch more than once. The only slightly positive thing about the whole sorry clip is that Louie has stepped his jeans game up from those ol' Matt Hardy lookin' ass hideous cargo jeans he had on in the original Val Venis video.
It can't be a coincidence that Nas fell off immediately after he got his chipped front tooth repaired, because I fear Louie getting his smashed teeth fixed with his advance money a few months back may have similarly jinxed his career given some of his recent decisions and music. How quickly these Rappers forget the street code handbook's chapter regarding cosmetic dental surgery :
"This is real live street shit
truest and the deepest
know n*ggas who go to jail just to get they teeth fixed"
Sheek Louch ft. Jadakiss, Jae Hood & Styles P - Mighty D-Block (2 Guns Up)
(From Walk With Me album; 2003)
IamSu! dropped a brand new song a couple of days back, but here's 4 reasons why I'm way more excited that this Show Banga joint he appeared on alongside Kool John received a video a week or so ago :
"Get your freak on like Missy, hoe
drop it down to the tootsy-roll
put my dick in her pussy hole
have her screamin' and creamin', I'll leave that pussy all gushy, hoe"
1. Point blank, it's just a better song than IamSu's Mobbin', which is all hollow piss 'n' vinegar bluster.
2. As a joint with a weird plink-plink-plonking video game melody at its axis, Party Ain't A Party sounds so good played alongside a certain amazing King Louie track were not officially allowed to talk about yet.
2. Bay Area jams which somehow configure Grindin's stabs-of-death into their DNA will never cease to be a good thing.
3. If it were up to me, Lil' Jon "OKKKAAYY" samples would be as omnipresent as James Brown "HUH!" samples were in 1988.
Eat 7000 wee-wees and die! Y'all rappers on the internet are as friendly as a box of puppies. If Pimp C was still alive in 2012, y'all social media accounts wouldn't exist! True story, don't quote me - I gotit from Tom & Tila Tequila!
WHY??.....
Current mood:accomplished
EVERYBODY WANA KNOW WHY IM RIDIN ON SOME OF THESE PUSSY RAP NIGGAZ ? EVERY SONG I MAKE NIGGAZ CALLING IT A DIS SONG!!!!!! NEWS FLASH..... WHEN I REALY START RIDIN ON NIGGAZ IM GONA SAY THEY NAMES! I DONT PLAY NO GAMES WIT BITCH MADE MTHFKAZ! NIGGAZ N THIS RAP SHIT 85% FAKE AND FRAWD! NIGGAZ GOT MAD N ATL BUT MOST OF THEM PUSSY NIGGAZ AINT EVEN FROM ATL! YALL MOVED 2 ATLANTA BITCH! THE REAL ATL NIGGAZ KNOW ME! I GOT RESPECT 4 THE REAL BUT FUCK U INTERNET UTUBE STUDIO FAKE DRUG SELLING CHANGE YO SET EVERY YEAR ASS NIGGAZ! REAL TRILL NIGGAZ IS TIRED OF THEM BITCHIZ AND IM THE ONLY ONE THAT HAD THE NUTZ 2 SAY IT AND THE MOUTHPEACE 2 BACK IT UP!!!!!!!!!! AND 2 THEM NIGGAZ THAT SAY I AINT REALY PIMPIN!!! ASK YO BITCH IF IM PIMPIN NIGGA! I CAN TAKE A NIGGA HOE THRU A CAR STEREO SPEAKER NIGGA! 2 EVERYBODY RIDIN WIT ME LUV CHUUUUUCH! 2 THE ONEZ THAT AINT! PICTURE ME ROLLIN LIKE PAC(RIP)! KEEP THROWIN SALT ON ME! THATZ SEASONING 2 A STEAK!
PUSSY ASS NIGGAZ
I GOT A HOE ASS NIGGA PLAYIN ON MY PHONE! HIS # IS 214 462 0263! IN YALL FREE TIME I WANT ALL MY PEOPLE 2 CALL THIS BITCH NON STOP AND TELL HIM WHAT YALL THINK BOUT HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUNKY BITCHIZ
ALL U FUNKY HOEZ AKTING LIKE U KNOW ME POSTING ALL THAT PUSSY SHIT CAN EAT MY DICK! U HOEZ DONT KNOW ME SO STOP PLAYIN LIKE U DO! IF U DID KNOW ME U WOULDNT BE PLAYING ON MYSPACE WIT YO FINGERZ! U WOULD BE GETTING SOME MONEY AND STAYIN BUSTER FREE! MY DICK AINT FREE! MY TIME IS MONEY AND ALL FUNKY COCK HOEZ NEED 2 GET A JOB AND GET OFF THE POLE DANCING 4 DOLLAR BILLS! IF U A RESPECTABLE PERSON WHO HANDLE THEY BIZ AND TAKE CARE OF YO BIZ AND KIDZ U LAPHING AND LUVING THIS BLOG! IF U MAD U THE ONE IM TALKIN BOUT BITCH!!!!!! CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!!!!!!!!!! BY THE WAY THIS IS PIMP CHAD aka PIMP C OF UGK bka SWEET JONES! NEW NAME MACKEAL JORDAN 223 N CASE U GOT IT TWISTED! SAY WHAT U WANT JUST SPELL MY NAME RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! AND THE NEW ALBUM IS PLATNUM! THANK YALL WHO GOT THE REAL AND IF U GOT THE BOOTLEG U AINT PLAY NOBODY BUT YOSELF CUZ I BOOTLEG MY OWN SHIT!!!!!!!!!! CANT BEAT EM JOIN EM! TABANAKLE! PREACH! SANKUWARY! AINT IT MAN??????????????????
C'mon now, sons, moons and earths - if there's 2 reasons to hate Lil' Reese it's not because he beats up his baby-momma and throws punches like that gay lad who knocked Lil' B out. Hell, it's not even that his voice sounds like what you'd expect a Lupe Fiasco weed-carrier to sound like and that he has no reason to exist beyond being a Chief Keef back-up dancin' ass video homie because he's technically no worse than Keef's couple of other charisma-free indistinguishable Rapping BFFs.
No, the 2 reasons we should all loathe Lil' Reese are that he's the dead spit of the 7th guy you'd see on some British Grime posse cut video from 2005 and Def Jam will probably release an album by this ol' Masta Killa of Roll Deep lookin' ass hack next year as they let Peedi Crakk's A Night In The Life and Gunplay's Medellin rot in their vaults alongside Flava Flav's 1991 Bomb Squad-produced solo album :
Reese ought to be awful thankful for the I Don't Like remix, Frat House by Slaughterhouse, Work by A$AP Ferg, Father's Day by Yelawolf, Reagan by Killer Mike & El-P, and that Vinnie Paz joint over a sample of one of those those overrated ol' glorified Robson & Jerome soundin' ass albums Johnny Cash made with Rick Rubin in the 90s (*1), or Savage would be a no-brainer for the worst song of 2012.
*1 Actual factz : Johnny Cash's only real great late-career renaissance was his stunning Muppet Show appearance; after that it was all downhill.
Thumbs up that old Boosie joints are still being blessed with videos because I quite fancy clips for My N*gga Then, Dirty World and Bank Roll Part 2. Thumbs down that his family will probably be all up in the videos like they are in the new clip for Mama Know Love right chea because you just know his Rapping ass daughter is gonna feature on every single song he records once he's released from prison.
Lil' Boosie - Mama Know Love
(From Southside Don Dada mixtape; 2009/the internet; 2012)
Lil' Phat died so Iviona Hatch could have a Rap career. (;_:)
I never quite got around to writing about how Yo Gotti would've had 4 great singles inarow had he not broken the most crucial rule of Rapping about blowjobs on the last verse of the otherwise excellent I Got Dat Sack and started focusing on the details of his dick instead of vividly describing wat dat mouf do. An unacceptable error for a Rapper who made his debut 12 years ago that I'll only forgive if he makes more song like track # 1 from the latest instalment of his Cocaine Muzik series of mixtapes in future :
Yo Gotti mixtapes tend to start with blockbuster opening tracks where he declares himself the grand emperor elect of Trap-Rap', so Bulletproof arrives as a welcome change of pace given that Lil' Lody's production sounds like what a Blaxploitation theme by Beats By The Pound might've sounded like and Gotti doesn't mention cooking cocaine in his kitchen on it once. Yo Gotti's so much better when he eases back on the Jeezy-jackin' to return to his roots as a classicist Gangsta-Rapper in the vein of C-Loc or C-Bo, but Bulletproof ultimate triumph comes when Gotti implores the U.S government to free Big Meech since it's one of those mind-boggling moments of retarded logic that could only ever come from a Rapper.
A couple of years back, XXL magazine ran a Bad Boy Records tribute article which featured Black Rob talking about how the first song he cut for the label was an R&B remix, but, because he wasn't acclimatised to the art of rhyming on Rap & Bullshit jams, he went into the booth and started kicking lyrics about sticking grenades in people's mouths as he robbed them for their North Face bubble-gooses until Biggie tapped him on the shoulder and was like "chill, dook - you gotta approach these type of records differently!" This is that remix, and while it isn't touching the Bad Boy mix of Only You, it still cacks on the original version of Come See Me because nobody wants to listen to a eunuchized New Edition like 112 sing for a full song :
I didn't hear this back in 1996 so I'm not sure if it was meant to capitalise on the success of Put It In Your Mouth or if it was just some sort of bizarre double-coincidence that it happened to use the exact same samples of Brick's Fun and Al Green's I'm Glad You're Mine as Akinyele's most famous song. Kinda hope that it's the latter, because Put It In Your Mouth stealing this remix's thunder would be perfect karmic compensation for Biggie's One More Chance remix cock-blocking Big L's MVP just as it was beginning to gain momentum in 1995.
Ain't nobody buying into your colder-than-a-Polar-bear's-chode Superthug shtick any more after you've pussied out and pulled the ol' "my Twitter account was hacked!!!" stunt on two separate occasions now, broski. In future you should stick to the party jamz like Hate Bein' Sober because I can't imagine anyone other than David Drake really needs a 100x less catchy facsimile of that song where you Rap like you're out chea on your Denzel at this point, especially when Lil' Durk stays steady bodying you with your own aura :
"..they that violence come back from Rap
they say we the reason that Chicago strapped.."
Lil' Durk - Disappearing
(From Life Ain't No Joke mixtape; 2012)
Not really kept up with Wax Poetics magazine since Borders closed down over here, but had I seen the recent No Limit cover issue in my local Smiths I'd have snatched that shit off the racks quicker than Future after he'd just spotted a denim New Era with 356 different studs on it. Thanks to Jack The Snipper for scanning me the Beats By The Pound interview in there; who needs the usual "what MPC do you use?" Wax Poetics interviews when you can have KLC et al yappin' about how Percy Miller owes them $15 million instead? Click to resize, obv' :
Kinda bizarre that a just-released-from-prison industry newbie like Max could've been ghosting for Puffy in 2005, but for the sheer "Who? What? Why? Where?" factor, nothing will ever top that other famed-Duets reference track with KanYe on the first verse and - in 2012 this still beggars belief - Termanology Rapping from Puffy's perspective on the 2nd verse :
KanYe West & Termanology - Everything I Got (If I Was Diddy)
(From Duets recording sessions; 2005/the internet; 2012)
Yeah, it's sad that Max is in jail for the rest of his life when the evidence against him was incredibly flimsy and all, but it's utterly heartbreaking that Termanology still has a Rap career in 2012, innit? Come the apocalypse, all that'll be left are cockroaches and Termanalogy still trying to hop his way onto production he has no business being on.
Live-wire crew member of Puerto-Rican descent turned fan favourite Def Jam solo artist via breakthrough cameos on their bald-headed bushy-bearded best mate's album, unfortunately destined for eternal mixtape purgatory due to a Best Buy-unfriendly moniker and a proclivity for carrying illegal firearms.
If we follow Peedi & Gunplay's parallel timelines (and we should because both Rappers have also sorta had their respectively careers unwittingly cock-blocked by Meek Mill) this means Gunplay will sign to G-Unit Miami Records in 2021 and we'll still be waiting for Medellin a decade from now.
Ya boy Barry Lyndunn right chea already been aware of the conspiracy theory suggesting Stanley Kubrick was hired by the US government to fake the Apollo 11 moon landings footage as a ploy to fool the Russians during the making of 2001 : a Space Odyssey, but I ain't never realise The Shining was less of a literary adaptation and more of a veiled confession about his part in the okie-doke until reading Michael Atkinson's introduction to David Thomson's The Shining-inspired short story in the latest issue of Sight & Sound magazine. Lo and behold, teh internet is rife with speculation, including this video by the wacko (no U.T.P) who first originated the theory :
Before you dismiss this video as a bunch of far-fetched coincidences by some tinfoil hat wearing crackpot, consider this : how else could Kubrick have secured $65 million from Warner Brothers over the course of a near-decade to waste on a portentous mess like Eyes Wide Shut unless he had some sort of dirty secret trump-card up his sleeve to hold over them?
Uh-oh, did Mr Full Metal Jacka right chea just solve the biggest cinematic mystery of the past twenty years? Coming next : I expose how Terrence Malick faked Felix Baumgartner's space jump yesterday in a trade off Red Bull funding his next movie; that's the only explanation I can come up with for anyone backing him financially after a disaster like The Tree Of Life.
Ayo 90% of American Rap bloggers - it's nice that you want to share your thoughts about the upcoming election, and I personally appreciate your ability to try to identify with the common man and fire off a multitudinous amount of "MITT ROMNEY IS AN EVIL CAPITALIST!" jokes each and every day on Twitter/Tumblr, but here's a little thought for datazz : there's isn't a single soul on the planet who wants to read the political ruminations of a gaggle of egomaniacal middle-class white ppl who get paid by the word to pontificate about KanYe West and pretend that Rack City is a 2012 single because they failed to notice it last year for their 2011 Pazz & Jop lists.
Anyhoo, here's a lil' somethin' for the weekend straight outta the fuckin' catacombs of my hard drive in the form of a compilation of a bunch of kinda overlooked songs I like from the past 12 months. Thanks to ANU for the head's up on the Short Kidd joint because I didn't see anybody else acknowledge it and it's highly unlikely I'd have found it otherwise. You're the Hiram Bingham of this blog shit, B!
Illmartic Volume One :
1. A-Mafia - Get Money Stay True (Martorialist edit)
2. Juvenile ft. Wacko & Skip - Sip Champagne
3. Mic Terror - Rodney King
4. IamSu! ft. P-Lo - Break Her Down
5. Short Kidd - The Mafia
6. Chinx Drugz ft. French Montana - I'm A Coke Boy
7. Lil' Cali - My And My Thugs
8. King Louie - secrete song
9. $hizz ft. Foxx - Hit Me Up
10. Foxx - I Wonder
11. Krypto ft. Beanie Sigel, Freeway & Axion Jaxion - Black Tie Affair
12. Treal Lee & Prince Rick ft. Ace Hood - Transform
13. Bo Deal - N*gga Rich
14. Black Rob ft. Snaggapuss & Sadat X - Can't Make It In NY remix
I dunno why Master P's Richmond era weed-carrier King George (AKA he who stands in the doorway with the pistol on the front cover of The Ghetto's Tryin' To Kill Me) would want to name himself after the pimp from Jack Hill's 1973 Blaxploitation flick Coffy when old boy diddy-bopped with all the machismo of the gay lad from My So Called Life and looked like a high school janitor at a fancy dress party as Vincent Price's character in Witchfinder General. My theory is he must've blinded by Roy Ayers' ridiculous intro score for when King George first makes his appearance in the movie to scope for fresh meat at his local pool, because George's bizarre crotch-bulge in his polyester jump-suit makes it look like he has the sort of camel-toe you'd see on some kid-shitting munter like Karen Matthews and that's not a look any Rapper should aspire to :
Any old excuse to re-post the best track J-Zone ever cut because it happens to have been the first Rap song to sample King George's riddims, eh? What can I say, it's been a slow week on the internet but a busy one in real life :
Pilfering one of the Mannie Fresh beats from THAT Mystikal video; recording a song which makes Lupe Fiasco at his hectoring po-faced worst sound like Jim Jones in comparison; ensuring his The Man In My City joint with Mannie & Juvenile was totally unsalvageable due to his stupid fucking sub-Wayne fake Rastamon ad libs being strategically placed over both their verses; releasing mixtapes sponsored by a website as abhorrent as 2 DopeBoyz and then wasting various good beats on them; taking the grand imperial Percy Miller's name in vain; looking like that lesbian Keen One Rapper chick; regularly wearing shirts with epaulettes on them... this smarmy little turd's felony sheet stays steady racking up crimes at an unprecedented rate.
Lil' Phat died so this guy, A$AP Mob, Lil' Reese, Flatbush Zombies, SpaceGhostPurrp, Lil' Ugly Mane, Burn One's high-school Rapper buddies, Joey Bada$$, and Killer Mike & El-P could live to clog up my RSS feed?
He's got some queer ideas that TKO Capone lad : breaking kayfabe to admit that he only makes Swag-Rap because his "more intelligent songs barely get views"; protesting about "filthy" Rap music when he clearly relishes rhyming about shagging gold-digger floozies; presumably paying for a good portion of Louis Gucci's 8 million Youtube views; using Twitter to only ever retweet mentions of himself yet constantly yapping to his fans and answering questions in Youtube comment sections; deciding that doing a mixtape with verses from his fans on every song would be a good idea; and releasing his long-awaited Duck Season mixtape in 3 instalments as a mammoth 89 song trilogy.
Fucking 4 Da Loop up top is a gas, but I'm not entirely sure we need a 40 song satire of Swag-Rap like the 1st instalment of Duck Season when it's a strain of Rap that even Soulja Boy has all but abandoned in the twlight of 2012; nor am I convinced that TKO Capone's calling in life is as a solo artist when he his own mixtapes have a tendency to get mad incommodious and he works so well as a duo alongside RiFF RaFF. Those two fartknockers need to realise that they were born to Rap together as a double-act already because their respective limitations become all too obvious when they go it alone like the solo careers of Erick Sermon & Parrish Smith or Paul Wall & Chamillionaire, and it'll come as no surprise that my other go-to jam on Duck Season is the one where where they both link up for a track we previously thought belonged to RiFF RaFF :
Hip hip huzzah - the somewhat promising Ty$, who constantly seems to be flip-flopping between a simple silent $ symbol in his name like Ma$e and the more convoluted moniker of Ty Dolla $ign, has finally become a proper solo artist on his new mixtape Beach Chair by dispersing with the Rap-de-Rap services of YG and that Joe Mo$e$ grunt who kept unbalancing the Rap & Bullshit equilibrium on his songs when they'd constantly show up to rhyme about set-trippin' and snapbacks.
Mixtape highlight Zone'n is a subaquatic Auto-Tune jam which makes ya boy Greil Brother Marquis right chea feel like I've got a mermaid swimming in my living room or I'm dancing in the rain with kids climbing up mountains and shit; both handy mental distractions since Ty$ veers dangerously close to Rap & Bullshit Game Ched Evans territory here as he plys the song's various girls with drink and drugs until they're barely conscious and then porks them. Good enough for Anna Faris in Observe And Report, then good enough for imaginary women in sleazy Rap & Bullshit ballads too?
"Fuck with drugs, fall in love
no Mac Miller, I'm a pussy killer
said she love me, I don't feel her"
Bonus audio processor related Rapper malapropisms : here a Jadakiss interview where he calls Auto-Tune "Audio-Tunes", one of his great mispronunciations alongside that time he said "I'm on a higher ekk-ey-lon" on Welcome To The Roc :
AKA the "peace, Connecticut" edition of Martorial elegance.
The missing link between Rock The Bells and Ruff Ryders' Anthem! Posse In Effect as remixed by the computer in Alphaville! A lurching tour-de-force of drum-machine Rap which never ceases to make you aware of the fillings in your teeth and your respiratory system! The greatest thing to ever come out of Connecticut after Stephanie McMahon's arse! All suitable descriptions of the tuffest song of 1986 right chea :
It kinda sucks that history has now cast the Skinny Boys in the role of a novelty group whose only accomplishment was piggybacking the Fat Boys' fame via the gimmick of being a beatboxing trio of Abou Diaby lookalikes, because their Weightless LP epitomised post-Sucker MC's/pre-Ego Trippin' 'ardcore Rap in 1986, and, as this 1987 clip of them performing Jockbox and Rip The Cut on some C.T cable TV show demonstrates, they pioneered the post-Cool Kids blog-Rapper look; seriously, baby pahs and baby-babies - Shockin' Shawn, Superman Jay, and The Human Jock Box look like some bizarro blog-Rap world supergroup of Mikey Rocks, Tyler The Creator and the weed-carrier with chipped front teeth from A$AP Mob :
Pay closer attention, though, because their sartorial trailblazing went even deeper than that : Human Jock Box is double Gucci-ing with his matching cap and neck pouch in 1987 when most N.Y Rappers were still wearing the snide Canal Street knock-off Gucci that Dapper Dan used in his patchwork creations, and both Shockin' Shawn and Superman Jay look like they're wearing the legendary original Gucci tennis-sneakers Jay le Camel ripped off for those Reeboks of his from 2002 which turned into Keith Richards' face after 30 minutes on your feet.
Chanced upon this here Stuck Up jawn by J-Buc & Lil' Cali on Frankie Tha Lucky Dog's most recent Louisiana Archives compilation last week which hit my tender spots like DING DING and put my heart on lock like Sing Sing. Pretty much the exact sort of sub-Mouse On Tha Track zing-zinging Baton Rogue pop-stompah you'd expect from a track involving Mouse'smate Lil' Cali, and a welcome discovery since Mouse has only seen fit to bless us with a single solo song in the one-deuce :
"Bitches on my dick, I don't know which one to pick
I just fuck 'em 'cause I can and then go add 'em to the list"
Kinda fucked up that the only blogger on the Rap internet currently dedicated to parsing and documenting modern Baton Rogue Rap is a self-confessed autistic white kid from Port Jefferson, N.Y like da gawd Frankie because you'd really think there'd be some sort of B.R version of Thizzler/FakeShoreDrive run by a Louisiana native by now.
