Monday, 16 September 2019

Martorialist Elegance: Put Ya Filas On!

No dancer, b - R.I.P Trouble T
Fila rock, kill a cop
2Pac's kinda like Steady B.

My m8 Chinese John just got back from Cuba and said he saw 2Pac rockin' a pair of them Spice Girl lookin' Fila Disruptor IIs.

Saturday, 14 September 2019

Clear & Present Ginger Part 2

Calvin Harris ft. Rag 'n' Bron Son - Giant
(From some upcoming Calvin Harris album; 2019)

David Zowie's House Every Weekend's reign on top was long like Calvin Harris' legs, but it's time we all accept that Giant has toppled Zowie's one moment of glory from its perch as the best ASOS Get The Look-House anthem of the 2010s. Youz see Calvin, Jimmy? The big wee bugger has got a funnel up his arse and a breeze between his ears, but in the past 12 months he's produced a banger for Donae'o, made Sam Smith listenable, and justified the existence of a Don't Flop rappa-ternt-sanga who's the Jihadi Jordan equivalent of Plan B meets Paul Shane.

True story, Giant's ten second crescendo from 3:09 to 3:19 never fails to make me wanna triumphantly pop off semi-automatic weapons into the sky like Stitches.

And then when the trumpet parps back up for the final chorus it's bare euphoric Boyz-on-RTE vybz.

One luv 2 Stephen Gately. Goodbye, Norma Jean...

Monday, 9 September 2019

Spoonie TeeVee

Been watchin' some of JayQuan's other Foundation Lesson videos since I caught wind of his Errol "Pumpkin" Bedward overview and of course the Spoonie Gee one is my fave. There's some nice little nuggets of info for us Spoon Spoon Spoonie Stans, JayQuan's conversational tone of narration is a refreshing change from certain other Rap historian YouTubers who have the oratory skillz of Kevin Kilbane on Match of the Day, and Spoonie's story is wrapped up in the same amount of time it takes Lord Jamar to fume about poofters in a standard VladTV video.

Speakin' of Vlad, let's talk about this recent piece of quality journalism. China Mac? More like China's Packin' A Mac In The Front Of The AZN amirite.

Sunday, 8 September 2019

B Section

"If I wasn't a felon I pro'lly woulda ran for the mayor
I can't get lost 'cause I got this cash, I make a money trail
What's for sale? I got junkies at the door from Delaware
Got a freaky bitch she walk around the house in underwear
Everytime I pull my dick out, man, your know her tongue is there"

BlocBoy JB - It's Bloc
(From YouTube; 2019)

Plz believe I'm using It's Bloc as the B-side to Mercedes. Reeeewind for my favourite BlocBoy JB song to date:

"John Wall, Wizard
Dan Buehler, kick ya
We don't shake no hands with the opposition, n*gga
LA Clipper
Eastside Cripper
Keep playin' with my dogs 'til I make 'em go and sic ya"

BlocBoy JB - Mercedes
(From I Am Me album; 2019)

Friday, 6 September 2019

Khop the album when I drop it (or not)

Mr. Short Khop ft. Kokane - Dollaz, Drank & Dank
(From Da Khop Shop album; 2001)

Thumbs up like Bill Bixby to whoever it woz who put me onto this Battlecat bam-bam by Ice Cube's equivalent of Knoc-turn'al. Shit's properly clicked for me now to the point where I've blapped it thrice in a row every other day over the past couple of weeks. It's never been easier to dig for old music, but finding choonz you truly love remains as tricky as ever innit?

Kokane clearly borrowed X-Pac's Ric Flair wig for this video.

Sunday, 1 September 2019

R.I.P to Pumpkin, I had to regulatte part 2

If you're unfamiliar with JayQuan then the best way to describe him would be Dart Adams minus the extreme autism/narcissism. Anyhoo, JQ's just dropped a Foundation lesson video on Rap's first super-producer Errol "Pumpkin" Bedward and it's the definitive breakdown of the O.G King Of The Beat's career. Proper sunday morning edutainment for zee seasoned Rap connoisseur.

Hat tip to the baby-mama champion O'Eardley for the head's up on this.

Friday, 30 August 2019

Generic list post: August 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when it was conclusively proven that the ONLY good Rap lists on the internet are hyperlinked song lists.

Mic Terror - Juke Them Hoes (CDQ version) (2007/2017)
Mic Terror - For The Heaux (2019)
Dru Down - Ring Ding Dong (2019)
70th Street Carlos - Opp Watch (EP version) (2019)
Devin The Dude - Trap-A-N*gga (2019)
XanMan - Foulin' The Plug (2019)
Guitar Red - Disco From A Space Show (1976)

Other notables: Website Scamming is the first Teejayx6 song where his instructional Fraud For Dummies 101 schtick hasn't bored the shit outta me; I couldn't make head nor tail of the American chicken war until Project Paccino dropped Popeyes; somebody shoulda told DaBoii that Mac Dre already made the definitive NorCal Friends beatflip; it doesn't bode well that Max B isn't even home yet and he's already making boring Auto-Tune shite featuring A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie (sometimes I hate being right); serves Ya Boy Big Choo right for not droppin' his remix of Dolamite's Hustlas because The Hot Tymers have come along and dropped their own flip of it.

Bonus beats: top 50 non-Rap late pass discoveries of the 2010s.

Tuesday, 27 August 2019

R.I.P Guru

XanMan - Foulin' The Plug
(From YouTube; 2019)

I ain't tryna say that XanMan doesn't get retarded on this track, but it's mostly the piano that perked my ears up, and it's mostly the tractor which had me like "that's what's up!"

Sunday, 25 August 2019

The Blues Planet

Guitar Red - Disco From A Space Show
(From Hard Times album; 1976)

Some crazy space shit that do make sense, courtesy of a Chicago Bluesman. It's the song Dexter Wansel's Theme From The Planets coulda/shoulda/woulda been if Wansel had reined in the Jazz-Funk wankery and gone intergalactic planetary cosmic panoramic instead. Who Sampled It reckons this is the only Rap song to use Disco From A Space Show but I swear I've heard it sampled on summat else.

Wednesday, 21 August 2019

Born To Audiomack: 2019 Rap De Rap Show

How y'all feelin' out there? You're listenin' to the Martorialist show and I'm ya host Messy Mart playin' all the slammin' tunes for all you Mart Daddies & Martettes, so hold tight for a 21 song 2019 Rap sweep on WTFBS.

1. Eatem - Hit Da Drink Twice (Martorialist Edit)
2. AZ - It's Time
3. Da Baby - Walker Texas Ranger
4. ShooterGang Kony - Charlie
5. Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Still Not Havin' It
6. Queen Key - Ratchett
7. Peezy - New Car Smell
8. Sada Baby & FMB DZ - Ape Drip
9. Blocboy JB - Mercedes
10. Duke Deuce - Yeh
11. Polo G - Deep Wounds
12. Mic Terror - Playa Shit
13. Devin The Dude - Trap-A-N*gga
14. Lil' Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus - Old Town Road (Remix)
15. Kokane - Doo Doo Headz
16. Dru Down - Ring Ding Dong
17. Ether ft. Fivio Foreign & Mr. Swipey - WAKA
18. Pete Rock - Street Dreams (Instrumental)
19. 70th Street Carlos - Play For
20. Quelle Chris - Obamacare
21. XanMan - Foulin' The Plug

This isn't necessarily my 20 favourite Rap songs of 2019 thus far, more the 20 Rap songs from 2019 which have been the incidental music to ya boy's life over the past 8 months. Contrary to what the Rap internet would have you believe, music is summat which exists to be used as the soundtrack to your existence, not summat which you use to have performative Twitter opinionz about.

Bonus Beats: Born To Audiomack: 2019 late pass! (so far)

Friday, 16 August 2019

R.I.P To Nate Dogg, l Had To Appreciate

Nate Dogg - I Got Love
(From Music & Me album; 2001)

Every now and then I go through Nate Dogg's albums to try and find another solo song as good as I Got Love and every time it proves to be a fruitless search. The Captain Hook of Rap deserved better beats and/or more space to do his own damn thing on his own damn songs.

Really doe, how did the sanger who brought a golf club to a fist fight not get blessed with one of those vintage Death Row-era Dre productions for himself?

Tuesday, 13 August 2019

Welcome to the Terrorzone 2

"Black Benz, black tint, MAC-10
I'm rollin' the window down - what's happenin'?
Rata Tat-Tat on dat ass like The Brat and
My aim is Outstanding like The Gap Band"

Mic Terror - For The Heaux
(From Green Summer EP; 2019)

Another fave from Mic Terror's new EP is the unofficial Heaux Love Me sequel. When he's in this zone Mic Terror is kinda like a laconic millennial version of Rhymefest. Well, a laconic millennial version of Rhymefest minus his bizarre transatlantic tête-à-tête with David Cameron during the glory days of late-Blairism. It was a British fing, you wouldn't understand - just like Rhymefest's These Days sounding like the Blankety Blank theme.

Saturday, 10 August 2019

Who Dem Girlz? (no Moscaddie)

"I'm the new asshole of the industry
Church folk all wanna get rid of me
Feminists consider me an enemy
I say hoes, I don't mean that offensively
I just don't know your names individually
You not dancin'? I gave you a remedy
A House track with a little' bit of energy
To Juke to when you off that Hennessy"

Mic Terror - Juke Them Hoes
(From the internet; 2007/digital retail; 2017)

I know I mentioned this in another post, but the properly-mastered MP3 of Mic Terror's Juke Them Hoes really has transformed an already great track into something truly glorious. It's the equivalent of finding a grainy VHS tape porno you saw as a teenager in vivid Blu-ray quality on XHamster (other smut streaming sites are available.) There's some things you just can't transform, though: despite what the official MP3's artwork sez it's always gonna be Juke Them Hoes.

Most importantly, it's still the song wot corrected the main problem with Hip-House: too much House, not enough Hip-Hop. As an old Kay Slay saying goes, only Chicago coulda done that, yo!

Thursday, 8 August 2019

James Dong

"In the club with that iron, no we don't leave 'em in the vans
Every glock got a dick just like some motherfuckin' pants"

70th Street Carlos - Opp Watch
(From 007 EP; 2019)

Shaken not stirred, bonkers not berserk. Different flow on this, but same overall WNC effect innit. The EP version of this is slightly different to the video version and I prefer the former, meself.

Tuesday, 6 August 2019

Generic list post: best non-rap late pass discoveries of the 2010s

In the immortal near-words of Tay-K: you want action, let's turn to the past-tense. I present you with the obligatory non-Rap companion to my top 50 Rap late pass discoveries of the 2010's; well, it's actually 44 old songs I've discovered this decade and 6 old songs I've rediscovered in the past 10 years. How did I ever function without most of these songs in my life? It's a mystery, Scooby Doo.

Andre Williams - Bacon Fat (1956)
The Phantom - Love Me (1960)
David Rose & His Orchestra - The Stripper (1962)
The Majorettes - White Levi's (1963)
Outlaw Blues Band - Deep Gully (1969)
Rodriguez - Only Good For Conversation (1970)
Al Green - You Say It (1971)
The Voices of East Harlem - Run Shaker Life (1971)
Bobby Rush - Chicken Heads (1971)
Tito Puente - Para Los Rumberos (1972)
Hoyt Axton - Telephone Booth (1974)
Guitar Red - Disco From A Space Show (1976)
David Matthews with Whirlwind - Shoogie Wanna Boogie (1976)
The JB's - Crossover (1977)
Delegation - Oh Honey (1977)
Ronnie Hazelhurst - Are You Being Served? (movie version) (1977)
Marvin Gaye - Got To Give It Up Part 1 (1977)
Linda Clifford - Runaway Love (12" version) (1978)
Squeeze - Take Me I'm Yours (1978)
The Undertones - You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It?) (1979)
The Brat - Leave Me Alone (1980)
Mavis John - Use My Body (1981)
Glory - Let's Get Nice (7" version) (1981)
Fun Boy Three - Best Of Luck Mate (1982)
Haircut One Hundred - Ski Club (7" version) (1982)
Ago - Stop Your Life (1982)
Bananarama - Shy Boy (1982)
Extra T's - E.T Boogie (7" version) (1982)
The Style Council - Long Hot Summer (1983)
ESG - You Make No Sense (1983)
The RAH Band - Messages From The Stars (1983)
Diana Ross - It's Your Move (1984)
Lucky - Just Give It All To Christ (1985)
Junei - Let's Ride (1987)
George Michael - Kissing A Fool (1987)
Sade - Turn My Back On You (1988)
Gherkin Jerks - Strange Creatures (1989)
Ricky Smith - Phone System (1991)
Devo - Fountain Of Filth (1978/1992)
Big Drill Car - Surrender (1993)
Wamdue Kids - Hypnotize (1995)
Dopplereffekt - Voice Activated (1996)
Half Man Half Biscuit - Paintball's Coming Home (1997)
Coldcut - Atomic Moog 2000 (Bullet Train edit) (1997)
Larry Heard - Missing You (1999)
Cat Power - Ramblin' Woman (2007)
Menahan Street Band - Heartbeat (2008)
Donae'o - African Warrior (2008)
Kyla - Do You Mind (Crazy Cousinz Mix) (2008)
Depeche Mode - Ghost (2009)

Obviously ya host knew the Crazy Cousinz remix of Kyla's Do You Mind long before Drake besmirched it, but I was only up on the original version until I picked up this Crazy Cousinz U.K Funky compilation sometime in 2010.

Bonus beats: top 50 non-rap songs of the 2010s, IMHO.

Saturday, 3 August 2019

A Love Tat's True

Don't mind me, I'm just over here Googling Slick Rick tattoos.

Fair play to anyone brave enough to get a portrait picture of a Rapper tattooed on they physical. Me, I'd be too shook that the tattoo ended up looking like Joey Deacon or the Rapper ended up getting exposed as a nonce. Ink was the moment I feared.

Tuesday, 30 July 2019

Generic list post: July 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month of next level YouTube recommendations on Willie D's VladTV interviews. Much like love, the algorithm's gonna getcha.

Alley High ft. Monifa - Voo Doo (1996)
Mic Terror - Playa Shit (2019)
Mic Terror - Ambitionz To Get Higher (2019)
Duke Deuce - Yeh (2019)
Kokane - Doo Doo Headz (2019)
Kokane - Funkin' It Up (2019)
Juiceboxxx - Coinstar Song (2019)
Prince - 100 MPH (1986/2019)
SAULT - Foot On Necks (2019)
Burna Boy - Anybody (2019)

Other notables: Martorialist readers who dig the Kokane songs above might also enjoy Dru Down's Ring Ding Dong; ShooterGang Kony's Charlie is the best song I've heard by him; sad to say that the only song on French Montana & Max B's Coke Wave 4 to come close to capturing the spirit of the original 'tape is French's Treat 'Em Right beatjack.

Bonus beats: it's no lie that my 2010s golden oldies playlist of Rap songs from decade's past that have properly seen the light of day in the past 10 years is the best playlist of July.

Saturday, 27 July 2019

I bang Kok' in Bangkok!

Kokane - Funkin' It Up
(From Finger Roll album; 2019)

Seems like there's a new Kokane single on the Siccness mainpage every time ya boy's checked the site these past few months. At least, that's what I was told - last thing I remember I'd fallin' down a K' Hole. Anyhoobangin', Funkin' It Up is the best o' the bunch: some Robo Booty Affair squelch from the big Cadi' 'Kane himself.

You know what, I might prefer this one. Proper Atomic Frog zone Kokane:

Kokane - Doo Doo Headz
(From Finger Roll album; 2019)

Thursday, 25 July 2019


Art Of Noise - Beat Box (Diversion Six)
(From Beat Box single; 1984)

Art Of Noise - Moments In Love
(From Moments In Love single; 1985)

1. You a fool for these ones, Trevor Horn.

2. It's important to remember that Beat Box and Moments In Love were both on the same 7" single initially. Top 5 double-header single of the 80s or wot?

3. Beat Box is one of those weird 80's British art-pop club records which got adopted by American Hip Hop kulcha. If we were to map out a timeline of this phenomenon then it began with Malcolm McLaren's Buffalo Gals in 1982 and peaked in 1987 with Coldcut's Paid In Full remix.

4. It's kinda ironic then that Moments In Love has long since surpassed Beat Box as the Art Of Noise track most sampled by Rap producers, and is now considered the group's song ne plus ultra.

5. There's almost as many mixes/edits of Beat Box and Moments In Love as there are of 808 State's Pacific. The two video mixes in this post are the definitive ones, IMHO.

6. Yo Art Of Noise, I'm happy for you and Imma let you finish, but the Blues Brothers and the Spy Hunter arcade game had the best Peter Gunn cover versions of the 80s.

Monday, 22 July 2019

Welcome to the Terrorzone

"I'm good wherever I go, and I got a right hand like Ivan Drago
And if the hands don't work that's what the glock fo'
Ain't no lackin' in Chicago"

Mic Terror - Playa Shit
(From Green Summer EP; 2019)

Fave song on the new Mic Terror EP. Some midwesternplayalisticadillacmuzik with a tinge of sangin' Devin The Dude sauciness. That "Terror-slide" bridge from 3:30 to 4:14 got me open like SPAR on Xmas day. And in a similar albeit more introspective vein there's also this song:

"We gon' survive Trump, bitch, we survived crack
They gon' do some mo' shit, and we gon' survive that"

Mic Terror - Amibitionz To Get Higher
(From Green Summer EP; 2019)

Speaking of whom, I just noticed that a properly mastered version of Mic's Juke Them Hoes is finally available on retail/streaming. A personal classic, a MySpace-era anthem, and a Chicago banger that shoulda been as big as Dude 'n Nem's Watch My Feet.

Thursday, 18 July 2019

Late pass! Love's Gonna Getcha again

"She got me thinkin' love, I think it's voodoo
She got me in command like a poodle
Soft like baby doodoo
Chicken flipped my noodle"

Alley High ft. Monifa - Voo Doo
(From World Wide/Voo Doo 12"; 1996)

Some butta 90s Harlem shit you can eat up like a strudel, produced by former Bwistolian whisper-wap affiliate DJ Milo. File this under ‘Zhigge if they rebranded themselves as Uptown's answer to The Pharcyde’ or ‘a bohemian Sporty Thievz if they'd been sobered by the delirium of lurve’.

Found over on Step One's gaff.

Tuesday, 16 July 2019

Droppin' a Deuce

Ultimately, it's this dance routine wot sold Duke Deuce's Yeh to me. Well, that and the fact that you can bump it with BlocBoy JB's Mercedes and House Party if you're in the mood for a trifecta of 2019 Memphis dance energy (no Normski.)

"Do that n*gga got 100? Do that n*gga got a mil'?
Boy, don't worry 'bout my pockets come pick up your hoe' heels"

Duke Deuce - Yeh
(From YouTube; 2019)

Spotted via Pink Chardonnay.

Thursday, 11 July 2019

Born To Audiomack: 2010's golden oldies

Good gracious, the amount of unreleased/rare demo tape Rap from decade's past that's become proper public domain over the past 10 years is bodacious. Here's a playlist of favourites that are essential to me & the rest of my heathens. Broke the standard 1 Song Per Artist rule for Mac Dre because his tracks come from different decades and couldn't be more different.

Tracks & Deets:
The Bizzie Boyz - Crazy Hard! (1988/2011)
Mac Dre & DJ Cee - Donkey Ain't Free (1989/201?)
Lord Finesse - Inconsiderate Females (1989/2012)
Azie of MobStyle - Untitled (1989/2011)
Spice 1 - Killa Days (1992/2014)
LL Cool J - Year Of The Hip Hop (1992/2011)
Camp Lo - Camp Lo (Bust Ya Down) (1995/2016)
G. Dep - Blak N*gga (1996/2016)
Pete Rock - Street Dreams Instrumental (1996/2019)
Mac Dre - Pawns In The Game (1997/2014)
Casual - Who Do That? (1997/2016)
Juvenile ft. Big Tymers - Cash Money Gorilla (1998/2017)
Z-Man - Artistic Violence (1999/2012)
Sean Price - I Shot Tha (2005/2014)
Max B - Take A Flick (2007/2013)
Lil' Wayne - Dinnertime (2008/2017)
The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real (2009/2015)
MF DOOM & Madlib - Avalanche (2009/2016)
T-Pain & Lil' Wayne - Listen To Me (2009/2017)

19 songs here so pick me a 20th. Only rules are it must have leaked post-2009, it must not be by an artist already in the playlist, and it absolutely must not feature rhyming by Drake or Das Rapists.

Wednesday, 10 July 2019

Nadja Average Song

SAULT - Foot On Necks
(From 5 album; 2019)

Man, this bodies the other SAULT songs I've seen folks posting. If ESG recorded a song to be played in the Manhattan Vampire's night club from What We Do In Shadows it'd probably sound like Foot On Necks.

Sunday, 7 July 2019

Saint Phuture

Forgive Minnesota's Lucky Rosenbloom, Father. He knew not that the B-side of his only single is some Electro-Gospel TR-808 shit which sounds like the rawest early Chicago House song Trax Records never dropped. Less Master C & J, more Master J.C.

Lucky - Just Give It All To Christ
(From Keep Your Faith In God 7" single; 1985)

Hat tip to Jed for the head's up on this one. Even bigger hat tip to Freddy Fresh for the upload.

Wednesday, 3 July 2019

Toto, I have a feeling we're not on Ramsey Street anymore...

Question: what do you get if you cross Style Wars and In Bed With Chris Needham? Answer: the 2005 documentary about Australian graffiti writer/Bogan extraordinaire/rebel without plausible deniability Justin "Jisoe" Hughes. Who dat? Essentially, Jisoe is Slobbie Unkut: a bizarro world Robbie Unkut who loves graffiti and buges rather than Godfather Don and blogs.

While Jisoe is an archetypal Aussie outlaw who fancies himself as the Ned Kelly of Melbourne's Hip Hop underbelly, the reality is that he's more of a Toadfish Rebecchi in stolen POLO. Filmed over the space of a year in the early 2000s, the documentary catches Jisoe at a crucial juncture in life: living as a petty criminal and reigning as the All City king of Melbourne, but grappling with adult responsibilities as his long-suffering girlfriend Sal gives birth to their babby. You don't need to have dabbled in graffiti as a teenager to enjoy Jisoe, because it's bigger than one of the four dubious elementz of Hip Hop: this is a documentary about a dysfunctional savant struggling to adapt to the conventional pressures of polite society; in that sense, Jisoe the human being has as much in common with Maradona as he does with Dondi.

Extras mannish: Jisoe's police interview after gettin' busted for criminal damage is some of the best catchphrase-comedy you'll ever hear. Two words repeated to increasingly hilarious effect over the space of 9 minutes.

Nobody talks, everybody walks.

Tuesday, 2 July 2019

Ka Ching!

"Did I mess up my life?
I'm at the Coinstar tonight
I just wanna take it all in stride
But did I mess up my life?
Oh, I don't know"

Juiceboxxx - Coinstar Song
(From YouTube; 2019)

Juiceboxxx is out here making Rock music for doz of us who got bored of new Rock music in the early noughties but can't just listen to old Undertones and Sum 41 records forever ever. Tell Lil' Kim to put the cake soap down and put the lighters up again because Coinstar Song is an anthem wot taps into summat universal: metaphorically speaking, we're all at the Coinstar tonight tryna turn that loose change into a lump sum.

Sunday, 30 June 2019

Generic list post: June 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when A-Wax's saltine buddy-turnt-enemy-turnt-buddy GMEBE Bandz wasn't killed by the Titanic Stone gangbangers he associated with, but a couple of Gamergaters & Kap G's teenage brother. A sincere R.I.P because Out The Streets does jam tbf.

BlocBoy JB - Mercedes (2019)
Eatem - Hit Da Drink Twice (Martorialist Edit) (2019)
70th Street Carlos - Forgive Me (2019)
Slick Rick - Can't Dance To A Track That Ain't Got No Soul (2019)
Slick Rick - Midas Touch (2019)
TREE & Parallel Thought - God Like (2019)
Extra T's - E.T Boogie (1982)

Other notables: very pleased that my favourite Young Bleed & Max Minelli song got blessed with a video 20 years after it first dropped; Polo G's Chosen 1 would make a good B-side for Deep Wounds; Sonniebo's new single is best experienced as a 40 second Instagram giggin' challenge innit; 1TakeJay's intro from the new DJ Mustard compilation gives us a glimpse of what Blueface's music might sound like if all his beats didn't sound like Joe Moses mixtape cuts from 2011; listening to the Lil' Jon & Mac Dre song is the audio equivalent of watching that computer-generated Audrey Hepburn advert for Galaxy chocolate; Mass Appeal's fake-Nas gimmick Rapper shouldn't have been allowed anywhere near G. Dep's Head Over Wheels.

Bonus beats: Ya host's top 50 late pass discoveries of the 2010s.

Friday, 28 June 2019

Who ate all the pies? Not 70th Street Carlos

"Yeah, I done sold my soul and put it on eBay
Fuck that shit, it wasn't worth nuthin' anyway
Yeah, and I can fuck your girl, n*gga, any day
It's up there I swear to God just like an interstate"

70th Street Carlos - Forgive Me
(From Win Or Lose mixtape; 2019)

Ain't no eatin' if you ain't bringin' shit to the table, and it looks like the artist formerly known as Boosie FatAzz turned up with the salad. This one's definitely my favourite of the non-Trel Itz A Hit tracks on Carlos' recent No Hooks-type mixtape.

Unrelated: that new Slick Rick song which was supposed to be on the Great Adventures... reissue and another new song just dropped like 2 purrr. MC Rickoi D lightin' up classic breaks & beats like he's just recorded 2 tracks for Top Shelf 8/8/88.

Slick Rick - Can't Dance To A Track That Ain't Got No Soul/Midas Touch
(From YouTube: 2019)

Full songs here and here.

Wednesday, 26 June 2019

Sesame Streets Is Watching

Agallah - Crookie Monster
(From Crookie Monster single; 1999/YouTube; 2014)

Really warms my cockles to see a Rapper give thanx on a fanmade video for one of their songs. I ain't gonna say Agallah is better than Nas, BUT you need to wash your ears out with quick-drying cement if you prefer Nas' Edward G. Robinson voice to Agallah's Cookie Monster voice.

Sunday, 23 June 2019

Extra late pass! E.T. Fonk Home

As heard at the Keith Haring exhibition at The Tate this weekend - it's the 80's Electro Boogie choon sampled on Busta's Dangerous innit! To all my fellow noobz who've also slept on this song until now, that's what we're gonna be: the Extra Late Fresh Extra Tellestrial Brothers™... Extra Tellest' and we the best (yes Kase2/no DJ Khaled.)

Extra T's - E.T. Boogie
(From E.T. Boogie single; 1982)

Weird coincidence since I only posted about it the other day but I never knew Haring did the artwork on Come Away With ESG. Seems obvious really, dunnit?

Friday, 21 June 2019

Paul Blogba @

"John Wall, Wizard
Dan Buehler, kick ya
We don't shake no hands with the opposition, n*gga
LA Clipper
Eastside Cripper
Keep playin' with my dogs 'til I make 'em go and sic ya"

BlocBoy JB - Mercedes
(From I Am Me album; 2019)

Still not quite a Mercedes of the Heather Graham in License To Drive caliber, but the video has totally sold ya host on this song (often happens with BlocBoy JB videos for moi: also see No Chorus Part 11, Licks, and House Party.) BlocBoy is the only HUMUDA HUMUDA HUMUDA-flow/SKKRRT SKKRRT-ad lib Rapper whose music I find appealing - it's that gleeful energy of his wot sets him apart innit.

Thursday, 20 June 2019

I got a friend with a poll in the basement

The most important British question since Brexit: One Step Beyond or Night Boat To Cairo?

Madness - One Step Beyond
(From One Step Beyond album; 1979)

Madness - Night Boat To Cairo
(From One Step Beyond album; 1979)

Choose wisely but bear in mind that only one of these songs is the hometown anthem of a football club beloved of racist little Englanders and plastic glory-hunters. Incidentally, this is the same song once sampled on a DJ Spinna track where Eminem rhymed about starving his pets to death.

(Of course, Baggy Trousers is #actually Madness' best single but that ain't the question I'm askin' here. Stick to the script like a Love Island contestant.)

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

Pe' Against The World

"Bossed up on these n*ggas like Im Darnell
N*ggas sellin' couches actin' like the cartel
Leather in the 650, new car smell"

Peezy - New Car Smell
(From No Hooks II mixtape; 2019)

I ain't even a Peezy fan like some of youze lot but even I'm glad the highlight of No Hooks II just got blessed with a video. Believe me it ain't easy admitting that Detroit now has the best rapper called Peezy. Damn, OMB, the fuck happened to you?

Monday, 17 June 2019

Why, Why, Why?

Here is somethin' ya boy can't understand - how is UFO the only ESG song to have ever been sampled by rappers? It's incomprehensible that New York club classix like Moody (Spaced Out) and Dance remain as untouched as Elliot Rodger's decomposing todger, while ESG's instrumental jams like Parking Lot Blues and Tiny Sticks are basically breakbeats-in-waiting already.

ESG - Parking Lot Blues
(From Come Away With ESG album; 1983)

ESG - Tiny Sticks
(From Come Away With ESG album; 1983)

Still, as my granddad used to say, it's better to have nobody rap over your songs than it is to have some insufferable c*nts like Das Rapist rap over them.

Come Away With ESG = best album of 1983 or wot?

Wednesday, 12 June 2019

Generic list post: best late pass discoveries of the 2010s

1nce Again fuck waiting until List Making Season™ when I've already got 50 unfuckwithable choonz right now. The best Rap/Rap & Bullshit songs from decade's past that I've discovered in the last 10 years: a mixture of tracks I prefer as instrumentals, slept-on singles, B-sides, original versions I prefer to the re-recordings, tracks which ended up on promo 12"s due to sample issues, album cuts, compilation exclusives, mixtape cuts, hit singles which didn't find their way into my orbit, future-hit singles which didn't blow up until 2010, regional anthems, slept on remixes, street DVD singles, beatjacks I prefer to the originals, and obscure loosies. Honourable mention of sorts goes to the lesser-heard uncensored version of the Firm Biz (World's Famous Mix) as finally found by Step Won.

Whodini - Magic's Wand (instrumental) (1982)
Disco Four - Throwdown (1983)
Positive K ft. King Of Chill - Step Up Front (3 Heineken Technique) (1988)
Mac Dre & DJ Cee - Donkey Ain't Free (1989)
Filthy Phil - Deadgiveaway (1992)
2Pac - Fuck All Y'All (O.G mix) (1994/1998)
Dolamite - Hustlas (1995)
Teddy ft. Dru Down & Yukmouth - Are You In The Mood? (LP mix) (1995)
Herb McGruff - Creep (1996)
Cheeky Blakk - Keep It On The Real (1996)
Khayree ft. Mac Dre - Back 2 My Mission (1997)
Young Bleed - A Fool (1997)
Casual - Who Do That? (1997)
Total ft. Missy Elliot - What About Us? (1997)
AZ ft. Jermaine Dupri - Rock Me (Hey AZ So So Def mix) (1998)
Raheem The Dream - Freak No Mo' (1998)
Juvenile ft. B.G. - 187 (1999)
Jiggs & Cheeks - Hustle Til I Die (1999)
Z-Man - White Girls Wit Ass (1999)
Mista Madd ft. Slim Thug & Yungstar - Down South (1999)
SPM ft. Baby Beesh - Oh My My (2000)
Jagged Edge ft. Jermaine Dupri & Loon - Promise (Cool JD remix) (2000)
Tim Trees - Bank Roll (2000)
Camu Tao - Hold The Floor (2001)
Dubee & Mac Dre - You Ain't My Dog (2001)
Twista & Legit Ballaz ft. Johnny P - Ball With Us (2001)
Edan ft. Skillz Ferguson - Adrenaline Rush (2001)
Dru Down - Gangstafied (2002)
Lil' Jon - Play No Games (instrumental) (2002)
Fat Tone - Ima Getcha (2002)
5th Ward Weebie - Supa Sunday In N.O (2003)
Loon - This Ain't Funny (2003)
Max Minelli - My First Verse (2003)
A-Mafia - Mafia Anthem (2003)
Husalah - Inshallah (In God's Will) (2003)
Agallah - Gun Go (2004)
N.O.R.E ft. Peedi Crakk - N*ggarican (2004)
J. Valentine & Bailey - Go Dumb (I'm Sprung Yay Area remix) (2006)
A-Wax - Gatez (2007)
Jim Jones, Max B & Mel Matrix - Anniversary (2007)
DB Tha General - Intro (2007)
BallGreezy - Shone (2007)
Max B & Styles P - Kill That Faggot (remix) (2008)
Yelawolf - Beer Buzz (2008)
Uncle Murda - Anybody Can Get It (2008)
3 Deep - Say What I Wanna Say (2008)
Newcleus - Programmed 4 L.O.V.E (2009)
Grand Puba ft. Q-Tip - Good To Go (2009)
Jae Millz - Sober (2009)
Waka Flocka Flame - Hard In Da Paint (2009)

Some bloggas and self-styled tastemakers will swear they were up on Hard In Da Paint when it first dropped in 2009 but, other than Rey, they are ALL lying through their fingertips. Don't front because ya boy is out back ready to Google your best of 2009 list if you come through flagrant.

Tuesday, 11 June 2019

Bo Giggley

Not really feelin' Sonniebo's new single as a song. As a 40 second snippet used to soundtrack an Instagram giggin' challenge, however, it's a Blap Supremo™:

It's inevitable that 80% of all Rap songs will be 30 seconds long by 2021. It's also inevitable that 50% of rappers will still do that lazy say-the-same-line-twice-in-a-row trick on them.

Saturday, 8 June 2019

More like Better Late Than Never

It's never too late to shoot a video for a truly great Rap song. The Proof? Young Bleed & Max Minelli just shot a video for a track that's now over 20 years old. Better Than The Last Time was supposed to be a Max solo track for one of the Concentration Camp compilations but C-Loc liked it so much he got Bleed to add a verse and asked Master P to include it on My Balls and My Word. Proper 5 Star General Max Pain & Bionic Bleed material:

"All I want for Christmas is 12 gold teeth
A fresh candy blue jeep, and .44 heat
I'm hot-headed on some cold streets
And not a motherfucker wanna hold me when I'm lonely"

Young Bleed ft. Max Minelli - Better Than The Last Time
(From My Balls and My Word album; 1998/YouTube; 2019)

Need a deluxe remastered CD reissue of My Balls and My Word with A Fool on there + a bonus DVD of FrankieThaLuckyDog doing a live video review of the full album.

Wednesday, 5 June 2019

Orange Krushed

In 1983 Larry Smith & Davy DMX of Orange Krush pivoted to producing Rap records and used a rough approximation of the same Oberheim DMX drum pattern on 4 very different songs that year. Early 80s Rap is so badly documented that it's damn near impossible to work out the chronology of the '83 Smith & DMX productions, so I threw 'em together as a mini-playlist in the order they sound best in: from the Disco-DMX hybrid of Spoonie Gee's The Big Beat to the tuff bahdangdiddydiddy minimalism of Lovebug Starski's Live At The Disco Fever to the stark brutality of Run-D.M.C's Sucker M.C's to the Electro scratch-madness of Fearless Four's F-4000.

~~Larry Smith & Davy DMX - Orange Krushed Ya Speakers In 1983~~
Spoonie Gee - The Big Beat (1983)
Love Bug Starski - Live At The Disco Fever (1983)
Run-D.M.C - Sucker M.C's (1983)
The Fearless Four - F-4000 (1983)

Davy DMX being Kurtis Blow's younger sibling explains why Davy ghost-produced all those tracks Kurtis was credited for dunnit? Even back then the Rap game was all politics and paperwork, but there were loopholes to let ya baby-brother producer get a slice of the pie.

Monday, 3 June 2019

It Beas' that way sometimes, papi

When Russell Simmons booked a performance for the Beastie Boys at Disco Fever in 1984, the Beasties were stoked because it was the South Bronx's craziest/sexiest/coolest nightclub. Problem was, they were scheduled to perform before midnight, thus the place was near-empty except for a dozen hardened barflys who were busy drinkin', minglin' and smokin' coco puffs. So when Russell Simmons let the Beastie Boys perform She's On It in Krush Groove in 1985, the Beasties used it as an opportunity to reimagine how their Disco Fever performance went down. Art imitating fantasy, the essence of Rap music innit.

The Beasties later went on to casually dismiss She's On It as a relic of their Def Jam era and now refer to the song as "Cheese Omelette". A lesson ya host learned a long time ago is never trust rapper's opinions about their own music, so fuck what the Beasties think because She's On It is peak juvenile 80's Rock-Rap and shoulda been included on Licensed to Ill for maximum Big Rick (Rubin) Energy™.

Beastie Boys - She's On It
(From Krush Groove soundtrack; 1985)

Sunday, 2 June 2019

It's so rowdy in the Rouge

"I said I hit da drink twice and then holla FREEKO
Bitch, I been up in that water like I'm Finding Nemo
Better get up out my space befo' you catch a Bebo
I'm so sick of love songs, I don't fuck with Ne-Yo"

Eatem - Hit Da Drink Twice (Martorialist edit)
(From t'internet; 2019)

Some Baton Rouge brawl music for the weekend, sir/ma'am? This new Eatem song had a cameo from some bloke called Lil' Larry who didn't act enough of a donkey on the track so I got Jack The Snipper to edit his verse out. Since that Stamina joint still ain't dropped, this is Eatem's best shit since Side N*gga.

Thursday, 30 May 2019

Generic list post: May 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Tommeh Robinson flopped harder than Eric Vanderslice's stomach. Also the month when The Camel™ looked like a dog's-dinner - Jay-Z now wants for nothing in life but hasn't put together a decent outfit since he was broke.

70th Street Carlos - Play For (2019)
70th Street Carlos ft. Sauce Walka - Drip On 70th Street (2019)
Ether ft. Fivio Foreign & Mr. Swipey - WAKA (2019)
Polo G - Deep Wounds (2019)
Suga Free ft. Kokane - Hole In My Heart (2019)
Suga Free - Premium Game (2019)

Other notables: that new Slick Rick snippet potentially sounds like the best use of Funkadelic's (Not Just) Knee Deep since 1989; Queen Key's RBA is the ideal B-side to Ratchett innit; that new Max B & French Montana single isn't what I wanted from a new Max B & French Montana single but it'd probably sound decent sailin' on the sea of shite that is Rap radio in 2019; that other new Max B & French Montana single is ruined by the Auto-Tune and the jankey beat during the hook; Baby Money's I'm Coming was my favourite random find of the month: BlocBoy JB's Mercedes is aiight but not a Mercedes of the Heather Graham in License To Drive caliber; Father forgive me because the new Flo Rida & Sage The Gemini song isn't fit to be mentioned in the same sentence as GDFR; alas The Madd Felon & The Gatlin couldn't quite make a song which lives up to their Rap monikers; even Australians are doin' Drill now (comin' soon: Kill Skip by Lil' Herb & Lil Bar-B?)

Bonus beats: Ya boy's top 50 non-rap songs of the 2010s.

Tuesday, 28 May 2019

28 'Grams

Two years later Big Choo is STILL posting snippets from his remake of Dolamite's Hustlas that he STILL hasn't dropped. I'm about to fly to Louisiana and pay a crackhead to run up on Choo and give him a Chinese burn every day until he releases this damn song.

Just checking Choo's Instagram story and he's now teasing a Bounce remake of Tove Lo's Bork-House classic Habits (Stay High). FFS, I swear this fella was put on Earth to personally Bop-tease me. Lookin' forward to that shit droppin' on Nevuary 1st.

Monday, 27 May 2019

"And now for something completely different..." (part 2)

The first wave of British Punks had shit twisted like that lass from It Follows: they thought Tony Parsons was a good writer, they preferred The Clash's Janie Jones to The Damned's Neat Neat Neat, they dismissed Generation X as posers when Dancing With Myself turned out to be an apex of the genre, and they didn't give The Undertones' True Confessions its proper due.

The Undertones - True Confessions
(From Teenage Kicks EP; 1978)

If True Confessions ain't better than Teenage Kicks then it's the Undertones song where Feargal Sharkey really gets to let rip with his trademark vocal-quiver. Son could pull that shit off live too as he proved when they performed it on the Old Grey Whistle Test in full samurai guitar craic mode.

Bonus beats: much like The Buzzcocks, The Undertones didn't even bother putting their best songs on their albums. 4th single is a top 3 Undertones song and peak O.G pop-Punk.

The Undertones - You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It?)
(From You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It?) single; 1979)

Impressively, Feargal seemed to have a different turtleneck for every TV appearance. Even more impressively, he looked like an Irish choirboy and a Scottish grandfather at the SAME DAMN TIME!