Monday, 16 September 2019

Martorialist Elegance: Put Ya Filas On!

No dancer, b - R.I.P Trouble T
Fila rock, kill a cop
2Pac's kinda like Steady B.

My m8 Chinese John just got back from Cuba and said he saw 2Pac rockin' a pair of them Spice Girl lookin' Fila Disruptor IIs.

Saturday, 14 September 2019

Clear & Present Ginger Part 2

Calvin Harris ft. Rag 'n' Bron Son - Giant
(From some upcoming Calvin Harris album; 2019)

David Zowie's House Every Weekend's reign on top was long like Calvin Harris' legs, but it's time we all accept that Giant has toppled Zowie's one moment of glory from its perch as the best ASOS Get The Look-House anthem of the 2010s. Youz see Calvin, Jimmy? The big wee bugger has got a funnel up his arse and a breeze between his ears, but in the past 12 months he's produced a banger for Donae'o, made Sam Smith listenable, and justified the existence of a Don't Flop rappa-ternt-sanga who's the Jihadi Jordan equivalent of Plan B meets Paul Shane.

True story, Giant's ten second crescendo from 3:09 to 3:19 never fails to make me wanna triumphantly pop off semi-automatic weapons into the sky like Stitches.

And then when the trumpet parps back up for the final chorus it's bare euphoric Boyz-on-RTE vybz.

One luv 2 Stephen Gately. Goodbye, Norma Jean...

Monday, 9 September 2019

Spoonie TeeVee

Been watchin' some of JayQuan's other Foundation Lesson videos since I caught wind of his Errol "Pumpkin" Bedward overview and of course the Spoonie Gee one is my fave. There's some nice little nuggets of info for us Spoon Spoon Spoonie Stans, JayQuan's conversational tone of narration is a refreshing change from certain other Rap historian YouTubers who have the oratory skillz of Kevin Kilbane on Match of the Day, and Spoonie's story is wrapped up in the same amount of time it takes Lord Jamar to fume about poofters in a standard VladTV video.

Speakin' of Vlad, let's talk about this recent piece of quality journalism. China Mac? More like China's Packin' A Mac In The Front Of The AZN amirite.

Sunday, 8 September 2019

B Section

"If I wasn't a felon I pro'lly woulda ran for the mayor
I can't get lost 'cause I got this cash, I make a money trail
What's for sale? I got junkies at the door from Delaware
Got a freaky bitch she walk around the house in underwear
Everytime I pull my dick out, man, your know her tongue is there"

BlocBoy JB - It's Bloc
(From YouTube; 2019)

Plz believe I'm using It's Bloc as the B-side to Mercedes. Reeeewind for my favourite BlocBoy JB song to date:

"John Wall, Wizard
Dan Buehler, kick ya
We don't shake no hands with the opposition, n*gga
LA Clipper
Eastside Cripper
Keep playin' with my dogs 'til I make 'em go and sic ya"

BlocBoy JB - Mercedes
(From I Am Me album; 2019)

Friday, 6 September 2019

Khop the album when I drop it (or not)

Mr. Short Khop ft. Kokane - Dollaz, Drank & Dank
(From Da Khop Shop album; 2001)

Thumbs up like Bill Bixby to whoever it woz who put me onto this Battlecat bam-bam by Ice Cube's equivalent of Knoc-turn'al. Shit's properly clicked for me now to the point where I've blapped it thrice in a row every other day over the past couple of weeks. It's never been easier to dig for old music, but finding choonz you truly love remains as tricky as ever innit?

Kokane clearly borrowed X-Pac's Ric Flair wig for this video.

Sunday, 1 September 2019

R.I.P to Pumpkin, I had to regulatte part 2

If you're unfamiliar with JayQuan then the best way to describe him would be Dart Adams minus the extreme autism/narcissism. Anyhoo, JQ's just dropped a Foundation lesson video on Rap's first super-producer Errol "Pumpkin" Bedward and it's the definitive breakdown of the O.G King Of The Beat's career. Proper sunday morning edutainment for zee seasoned Rap connoisseur.

Hat tip to the baby-mama champion O'Eardley for the head's up on this.

Friday, 30 August 2019

Generic list post: August 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when it was conclusively proven that the ONLY good Rap lists on the internet are hyperlinked song lists.

Mic Terror - Juke Them Hoes (CDQ version) (2007/2017)
Mic Terror - For The Heaux (2019)
Dru Down - Ring Ding Dong (2019)
70th Street Carlos - Opp Watch (EP version) (2019)
Devin The Dude - Trap-A-N*gga (2019)
XanMan - Foulin' The Plug (2019)
Guitar Red - Disco From A Space Show (1976)

Other notables: Website Scamming is the first Teejayx6 song where his instructional Fraud For Dummies 101 schtick hasn't bored the shit outta me; I couldn't make head nor tail of the American chicken war until Project Paccino dropped Popeyes; somebody shoulda told DaBoii that Mac Dre already made the definitive NorCal Friends beatflip; it doesn't bode well that Max B isn't even home yet and he's already making boring Auto-Tune shite featuring A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie (sometimes I hate being right); serves Ya Boy Big Choo right for not droppin' his remix of Dolamite's Hustlas because The Hot Tymers have come along and dropped their own flip of it.

Bonus beats: top 50 non-Rap late pass discoveries of the 2010s.

Tuesday, 27 August 2019

R.I.P Guru

XanMan - Foulin' The Plug
(From YouTube; 2019)

I ain't tryna say that XanMan doesn't get retarded on this track, but it's mostly the piano that perked my ears up, and it's mostly the tractor which had me like "that's what's up!"

Sunday, 25 August 2019

The Blues Planet

Guitar Red - Disco From A Space Show
(From Hard Times album; 1976)

Some crazy space shit that do make sense, courtesy of a Chicago Bluesman. It's the song Dexter Wansel's Theme From The Planets coulda/shoulda/woulda been if Wansel had reined in the Jazz-Funk wankery and gone intergalactic planetary cosmic panoramic instead. Who Sampled It reckons this is the only Rap song to use Disco From A Space Show but I swear I've heard it sampled on summat else.

Wednesday, 21 August 2019

Born To Audiomack: 2019 Rap De Rap Show

How y'all feelin' out there? You're listenin' to the Martorialist show and I'm ya host Messy Mart playin' all the slammin' tunes for all you Mart Daddies & Martettes, so hold tight for a 21 song 2019 Rap sweep on WTFBS.

1. Eatem - Hit Da Drink Twice (Martorialist Edit)
2. AZ - It's Time
3. Da Baby - Walker Texas Ranger
4. ShooterGang Kony - Charlie
5. Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Still Not Havin' It
6. Queen Key - Ratchett
7. Peezy - New Car Smell
8. Sada Baby & FMB DZ - Ape Drip
9. Blocboy JB - Mercedes
10. Duke Deuce - Yeh
11. Polo G - Deep Wounds
12. Mic Terror - Playa Shit
13. Devin The Dude - Trap-A-N*gga
14. Lil' Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus - Old Town Road (Remix)
15. Kokane - Doo Doo Headz
16. Dru Down - Ring Ding Dong
17. Ether ft. Fivio Foreign & Mr. Swipey - WAKA
18. Pete Rock - Street Dreams (Instrumental)
19. 70th Street Carlos - Play For
20. Quelle Chris - Obamacare
21. XanMan - Foulin' The Plug

This isn't necessarily my 20 favourite Rap songs of 2019 thus far, more the 20 Rap songs from 2019 which have been the incidental music to ya boy's life over the past 8 months. Contrary to what the Rap internet would have you believe, music is summat which exists to be used as the soundtrack to your existence, not summat which you use to have performative Twitter opinionz about.

Bonus Beats: Born To Audiomack: 2019 late pass! (so far)

Friday, 16 August 2019

R.I.P To Nate Dogg, l Had To Appreciate

Nate Dogg - I Got Love
(From Music & Me album; 2001)

Every now and then I go through Nate Dogg's albums to try and find another solo song as good as I Got Love and every time it proves to be a fruitless search. The Captain Hook of Rap deserved better beats and/or more space to do his own damn thing on his own damn songs.

Really doe, how did the sanger who brought a golf club to a fist fight not get blessed with one of those vintage Death Row-era Dre productions for himself?

Tuesday, 13 August 2019

Welcome to the Terrorzone 2

"Black Benz, black tint, MAC-10
I'm rollin' the window down - what's happenin'?
Rata Tat-Tat on dat ass like The Brat and
My aim is Outstanding like The Gap Band"

Mic Terror - For The Heaux
(From Green Summer EP; 2019)

Another fave from Mic Terror's new EP is the unofficial Heaux Love Me sequel. When he's in this zone Mic Terror is kinda like a laconic millennial version of Rhymefest. Well, a laconic millennial version of Rhymefest minus his bizarre transatlantic tête-à-tête with David Cameron during the glory days of late-Blairism. It was a British fing, you wouldn't understand - just like Rhymefest's These Days sounding like the Blankety Blank theme.

Saturday, 10 August 2019

Who Dem Girlz? (no Moscaddie)

"I'm the new asshole of the industry
Church folk all wanna get rid of me
Feminists consider me an enemy
I say hoes, I don't mean that offensively
I just don't know your names individually
You not dancin'? I gave you a remedy
A House track with a little' bit of energy
To Juke to when you off that Hennessy"

Mic Terror - Juke Them Hoes
(From the internet; 2007/digital retail; 2017)

I know I mentioned this in another post, but the properly-mastered MP3 of Mic Terror's Juke Them Hoes really has transformed an already great track into something truly glorious. It's the equivalent of finding a grainy VHS tape porno you saw as a teenager in vivid Blu-ray quality on XHamster (other smut streaming sites are available.) There's some things you just can't transform, though: despite what the official MP3's artwork sez it's always gonna be Juke Them Hoes.

Most importantly, it's still the song wot corrected the main problem with Hip-House: too much House, not enough Hip-Hop. As an old Kay Slay saying goes, only Chicago coulda done that, yo!

Thursday, 8 August 2019

James Dong

"In the club with that iron, no we don't leave 'em in the vans
Every glock got a dick just like some motherfuckin' pants"

70th Street Carlos - Opp Watch
(From 007 EP; 2019)

Shaken not stirred, bonkers not berserk. Different flow on this, but same overall WNC effect innit. The EP version of this is slightly different to the video version and I prefer the former, meself.

Tuesday, 6 August 2019

Generic list post: best non-rap late pass discoveries of the 2010s

In the immortal near-words of Tay-K: you want action, let's turn to the past-tense. I present you with the obligatory non-Rap companion to my top 50 Rap late pass discoveries of the 2010's; well, it's actually 44 old songs I've discovered this decade and 6 old songs I've rediscovered in the past 10 years. How did I ever function without most of these songs in my life? It's a mystery, Scooby Doo.

Andre Williams - Bacon Fat (1956)
The Phantom - Love Me (1960)
David Rose & His Orchestra - The Stripper (1962)
The Majorettes - White Levi's (1963)
Outlaw Blues Band - Deep Gully (1969)
Rodriguez - Only Good For Conversation (1970)
Al Green - You Say It (1971)
The Voices of East Harlem - Run Shaker Life (1971)
Bobby Rush - Chicken Heads (1971)
Tito Puente - Para Los Rumberos (1972)
Hoyt Axton - Telephone Booth (1974)
Guitar Red - Disco From A Space Show (1976)
David Matthews with Whirlwind - Shoogie Wanna Boogie (1976)
The JB's - Crossover (1977)
Delegation - Oh Honey (1977)
Ronnie Hazelhurst - Are You Being Served? (movie version) (1977)
Marvin Gaye - Got To Give It Up Part 1 (1977)
Linda Clifford - Runaway Love (12" version) (1978)
Squeeze - Take Me I'm Yours (1978)
The Undertones - You've Got My Number (Why Don't You Use It?) (1979)
The Brat - Leave Me Alone (1980)
Mavis John - Use My Body (1981)
Glory - Let's Get Nice (7" version) (1981)
Fun Boy Three - Best Of Luck Mate (1982)
Haircut One Hundred - Ski Club (7" version) (1982)
Ago - Stop Your Life (1982)
Bananarama - Shy Boy (1982)
Extra T's - E.T Boogie (7" version) (1982)
The Style Council - Long Hot Summer (1983)
ESG - You Make No Sense (1983)
The RAH Band - Messages From The Stars (1983)
Diana Ross - It's Your Move (1984)
Lucky - Just Give It All To Christ (1985)
Junei - Let's Ride (1987)
George Michael - Kissing A Fool (1987)
Sade - Turn My Back On You (1988)
Gherkin Jerks - Strange Creatures (1989)
Ricky Smith - Phone System (1991)
Devo - Fountain Of Filth (1978/1992)
Big Drill Car - Surrender (1993)
Wamdue Kids - Hypnotize (1995)
Dopplereffekt - Voice Activated (1996)
Half Man Half Biscuit - Paintball's Coming Home (1997)
Coldcut - Atomic Moog 2000 (Bullet Train edit) (1997)
Larry Heard - Missing You (1999)
Cat Power - Ramblin' Woman (2007)
Menahan Street Band - Heartbeat (2008)
Donae'o - African Warrior (2008)
Kyla - Do You Mind (Crazy Cousinz Mix) (2008)
Depeche Mode - Ghost (2009)

Obviously ya host knew the Crazy Cousinz remix of Kyla's Do You Mind long before Drake besmirched it, but I was only up on the original version until I picked up this Crazy Cousinz U.K Funky compilation sometime in 2010.

Bonus beats: top 50 non-rap songs of the 2010s, IMHO.

Saturday, 3 August 2019

A Love Tat's True

Don't mind me, I'm just over here Googling Slick Rick tattoos.

Fair play to anyone brave enough to get a portrait picture of a Rapper tattooed on they physical. Me, I'd be too shook that the tattoo ended up looking like Joey Deacon or the Rapper ended up getting exposed as a nonce. Ink was the moment I feared.

Tuesday, 30 July 2019

Generic list post: July 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month of next level YouTube recommendations on Willie D's VladTV interviews. Much like love, the algorithm's gonna getcha.

Alley High ft. Monifa - Voo Doo (1996)
Mic Terror - Playa Shit (2019)
Mic Terror - Ambitionz To Get Higher (2019)
Duke Deuce - Yeh (2019)
Kokane - Doo Doo Headz (2019)
Kokane - Funkin' It Up (2019)
Juiceboxxx - Coinstar Song (2019)
Prince - 100 MPH (1986/2019)
SAULT - Foot On Necks (2019)
Burna Boy - Anybody (2019)

Other notables: Martorialist readers who dig the Kokane songs above might also enjoy Dru Down's Ring Ding Dong; ShooterGang Kony's Charlie is the best song I've heard by him; sad to say that the only song on French Montana & Max B's Coke Wave 4 to come close to capturing the spirit of the original 'tape is French's Treat 'Em Right beatjack.

Bonus beats: it's no lie that my 2010s golden oldies playlist of Rap songs from decade's past that have properly seen the light of day in the past 10 years is the best playlist of July.

Saturday, 27 July 2019

I bang Kok' in Bangkok!

Kokane - Funkin' It Up
(From Finger Roll album; 2019)

Seems like there's a new Kokane single on the Siccness mainpage every time ya boy's checked the site these past few months. At least, that's what I was told - last thing I remember I'd fallin' down a K' Hole. Anyhoobangin', Funkin' It Up is the best o' the bunch: some Robo Booty Affair squelch from the big Cadi' 'Kane himself.

You know what, I might prefer this one. Proper Atomic Frog zone Kokane:

Kokane - Doo Doo Headz
(From Finger Roll album; 2019)

Thursday, 25 July 2019


Art Of Noise - Beat Box (Diversion Six)
(From Beat Box single; 1984)

Art Of Noise - Moments In Love
(From Moments In Love single; 1985)

1. You a fool for these ones, Trevor Horn.

2. It's important to remember that Beat Box and Moments In Love were both on the same 7" single initially. Top 5 double-header single of the 80s or wot?

3. Beat Box is one of those weird 80's British art-pop club records which got adopted by American Hip Hop kulcha. If we were to map out a timeline of this phenomenon then it began with Malcolm McLaren's Buffalo Gals in 1982 and peaked in 1987 with Coldcut's Paid In Full remix.

4. It's kinda ironic then that Moments In Love has long since surpassed Beat Box as the Art Of Noise track most sampled by Rap producers, and is now considered the group's song ne plus ultra.

5. There's almost as many mixes/edits of Beat Box and Moments In Love as there are of 808 State's Pacific. The two video mixes in this post are the definitive ones, IMHO.

6. Yo Art Of Noise, I'm happy for you and Imma let you finish, but the Blues Brothers and the Spy Hunter arcade game had the best Peter Gunn cover versions of the 80s.

Monday, 22 July 2019

Welcome to the Terrorzone

"I'm good wherever I go, and I got a right hand like Ivan Drago
And if the hands don't work that's what the glock fo'
Ain't no lackin' in Chicago"

Mic Terror - Playa Shit
(From Green Summer EP; 2019)

Fave song on the new Mic Terror EP. Some midwesternplayalisticadillacmuzik with a tinge of sangin' Devin The Dude sauciness. That "Terror-slide" bridge from 3:30 to 4:14 got me open like SPAR on Xmas day. And in a similar albeit more introspective vein there's also this song:

"We gon' survive Trump, bitch, we survived crack
They gon' do some mo' shit, and we gon' survive that"

Mic Terror - Amibitionz To Get Higher
(From Green Summer EP; 2019)

Speaking of whom, I just noticed that a properly mastered version of Mic's Juke Them Hoes is finally available on retail/streaming. A personal classic, a MySpace-era anthem, and a Chicago banger that shoulda been as big as Dude 'n Nem's Watch My Feet.

Thursday, 18 July 2019

Late pass! Love's Gonna Getcha again

"She got me thinkin' love, I think it's voodoo
She got me in command like a poodle
Soft like baby doodoo
Chicken flipped my noodle"

Alley High ft. Monifa - Voo Doo
(From World Wide/Voo Doo 12"; 1996)

Some butta 90s Harlem shit you can eat up like a strudel, produced by former Bwistolian whisper-wap affiliate DJ Milo. File this under ‘Zhigge if they rebranded themselves as Uptown's answer to The Pharcyde’ or ‘a bohemian Sporty Thievz if they'd been sobered by the delirium of lurve’.

Found over on Step One's gaff.

Tuesday, 16 July 2019

Droppin' a Deuce

Ultimately, it's this dance routine wot sold Duke Deuce's Yeh to me. Well, that and the fact that you can bump it with BlocBoy JB's Mercedes and House Party if you're in the mood for a trifecta of 2019 Memphis dance energy (no Normski.)

"Do that n*gga got 100? Do that n*gga got a mil'?
Boy, don't worry 'bout my pockets come pick up your hoe' heels"

Duke Deuce - Yeh
(From YouTube; 2019)

Spotted via Pink Chardonnay.

Thursday, 11 July 2019

Born To Audiomack: 2010's golden oldies

Good gracious, the amount of unreleased/rare demo tape Rap from decade's past that's become proper public domain over the past 10 years is bodacious. Here's a playlist of favourites that are essential to me & the rest of my heathens. Broke the standard 1 Song Per Artist rule for Mac Dre because his tracks come from different decades and couldn't be more different.

Tracks & Deets:
The Bizzie Boyz - Crazy Hard! (1988/2011)
Mac Dre & DJ Cee - Donkey Ain't Free (1989/201?)
Lord Finesse - Inconsiderate Females (1989/2012)
Azie of MobStyle - Untitled (1989/2011)
Spice 1 - Killa Days (1992/2014)
LL Cool J - Year Of The Hip Hop (1992/2011)
Camp Lo - Camp Lo (Bust Ya Down) (1995/2016)
G. Dep - Blak N*gga (1996/2016)
Pete Rock - Street Dreams Instrumental (1996/2019)
Mac Dre - Pawns In The Game (1997/2014)
Casual - Who Do That? (1997/2016)
Juvenile ft. Big Tymers - Cash Money Gorilla (1998/2017)
Z-Man - Artistic Violence (1999/2012)
Sean Price - I Shot Tha (2005/2014)
Max B - Take A Flick (2007/2013)
Lil' Wayne - Dinnertime (2008/2017)
The Jacka ft. Dru Down - For Real (2009/2015)
MF DOOM & Madlib - Avalanche (2009/2016)
T-Pain & Lil' Wayne - Listen To Me (2009/2017)

19 songs here so pick me a 20th. Only rules are it must have leaked post-2009, it must not be by an artist already in the playlist, and it absolutely must not feature rhyming by Drake or Das Rapists.

Wednesday, 10 July 2019

Nadja Average Song

SAULT - Foot On Necks
(From 5 album; 2019)

Man, this bodies the other SAULT songs I've seen folks posting. If ESG recorded a song to be played in the Manhattan Vampire's night club from What We Do In Shadows it'd probably sound like Foot On Necks.

Sunday, 7 July 2019

Saint Phuture

Forgive Minnesota's Lucky Rosenbloom, Father. He knew not that the B-side of his only single is some Electro-Gospel TR-808 shit which sounds like the rawest early Chicago House song Trax Records never dropped. Less Master C & J, more Master J.C.

Lucky - Just Give It All To Christ
(From Keep Your Faith In God 7" single; 1985)

Hat tip to Jed for the head's up on this one. Even bigger hat tip to Freddy Fresh for the upload.

Wednesday, 3 July 2019

Toto, I have a feeling we're not on Ramsey Street anymore...

Question: what do you get if you cross Style Wars and In Bed With Chris Needham? Answer: the 2005 documentary about Australian graffiti writer/Bogan extraordinaire/rebel without plausible deniability Justin "Jisoe" Hughes. Who dat? Essentially, Jisoe is Slobbie Unkut: a bizarro world Robbie Unkut who loves graffiti and buges rather than Godfather Don and blogs.

While Jisoe is an archetypal Aussie outlaw who fancies himself as the Ned Kelly of Melbourne's Hip Hop underbelly, the reality is that he's more of a Toadfish Rebecchi in stolen POLO. Filmed over the space of a year in the early 2000s, the documentary catches Jisoe at a crucial juncture in life: living as a petty criminal and reigning as the All City king of Melbourne, but grappling with adult responsibilities as his long-suffering girlfriend Sal gives birth to their babby. You don't need to have dabbled in graffiti as a teenager to enjoy Jisoe, because it's bigger than one of the four dubious elementz of Hip Hop: this is a documentary about a dysfunctional savant struggling to adapt to the conventional pressures of polite society; in that sense, Jisoe the human being has as much in common with Maradona as he does with Dondi.

Extras mannish: Jisoe's police interview after gettin' busted for criminal damage is some of the best catchphrase-comedy you'll ever hear. Two words repeated to increasingly hilarious effect over the space of 9 minutes.

Nobody talks, everybody walks.