Thursday, 30 July 2015

Generic list post: july 2015

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've listened to most during the month when Team Drake finally surpassed the Nas Nation as rap's most annoying fanbase.

Coolio (Da Unda Dogg) - Jackin' (1991)
KanYe West - Westwood freestyle (2004)
N.O.R.E & Peedi Crakk - N*gga Rican (2004)
Fabolous - Lituation (2014)
A-Wax - Never Saw It (2015)
Chinx ft. MeetSims - On Your Body (2015)
YG - Twist My Fingaz (2015)
Vic Spencer & TREE - Once (2015)
Kap G - Andelay (2015)
Young Thug - Pacifier (2015)
Warren G ft. Nate Dogg - My House (2015)
Snow Tha Product - I'm Saying (2015)
Berner & The Jacka ft. Rydah J. Clyde - One Sound (2015)
J Hus - Warm It Up (2015)
The Weeknd - Can't Feel My Face (2015)
OMI ft. Kid Ink - Cheerleader (Salaam Remi remix) (2015)
Spice - Needle Eye (2015)

Other notables: Ty Dolla $ign & YG's remix of Nef The Pharaoh's Big Tymin' was a nice gesture but I'll never listen to it twice; the new DJ Mustard mixtape is the complete polar opposite of Ketchup - solid but I couldn't find a single song worth keeping; I'm avoiding the Gunplay LP because he hasn't made a good song since Drop Da Tint and Def Jam actually releasing his album has ruined my Gunplay is the new Peedi Crakk analogy; Nicki Minaj's useless ex BF with the stupid name should have hired Bobby Brackins to work his songwriting magic because Lifeline is not the I Hit It First he thinks it is.

Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Martorial elegance # 80

Earlier today Werner Herzog announced he'd spent the last couple of years secretly shooting a sequel to Fitzcarraldo starring a CGI Klaus Kinski. In the original movie Kinski hired a squad of peasants to haul his steamship over a hill, in thie sequel he hires a new squad to haul that very same steamship through the neckhole of Anthony Fantano's t-shirt. Here's an exclusive shot from the movie's finale:

Monday, 27 July 2015

Late pass!

It's funny how hearing a song live in a 20 thousand capacity arena can make you flip your whole perspective. Back last december I dismissed Fabolous' Lituation purely because it wasn't as good as his other street single Ball Drop and consequently forgot about it. Then I experienced its searing baronial stomp blaring out in the 02 Arena when Fab opened for G-Unit a week or so back and I've listened to it on repeat in the shower every morning since, an 8 A.M pick-me-up from a wildly-inconsistent 37 year old industry mercenary whose zingers are still slick-as-fuck.

"Got your b.m in my BM, n*gga
she got taken - word to Liam, n*gga!"


Fabolous - Lituation
(From The Young OG Project; 2014)


For a wildly-inconsistent 37 year old industry mercenary who made his debut in 2001, Fabolous has been low-key overachieving these past 12 months: both Lituation and Ball Drop are everything modern N.Y street singles should be; his verse on the Hot N*gga remix was the only good thing about that clusterfuck and was a Westwood staple for months; 4 Digits was the sole highlight of the wack DJ Mustard album and should have been a single; and his Been Around The World remix freestyle finally made good use of a peak-Jiggy D-Dot beat which was previously wasted on a superfluous remix that just placed Puff & Ma$e's acapellas from the original over different production.

Sod all that, though - how's Fab gonna shoot a King Of New York homage video for Lituation and then not let Red Cafe play Jimmy Jump and not hire a Ray J lookalike to play Arty Clay?

Sunday, 26 July 2015

Lev Bernerk

Cool how Berner made better use of that glorious beat Lev Berlak gave him for Chapo on one of the highlights from Drought Season 3. Not so cool how Jacka posthumously rapping "I just wanna you proud, but you'd rather see me gunned down" on the hook makes me feel all type of ghoulish.

Berner & The Jacka ft. Rydah J. Klyde - One Sound
(From Drought Season 3 album; 2015)



Far be it from me to defend Berner, but his taste in production on the Drought Season albums is always impeccable and Jacka always managed to coax out a side of him rarely seen on all those Cozmo beats he's wasted. Thus, I'll be passing on the Berner-less edit of album number three that's now floating around because a Drought Season without Berner is like the Tank Girl movie without Ice, hair-metal Vampires without rice, or Doug's first album without Christ.

Saturday, 25 July 2015

'Cause in '91 everyone turned to jack artists, Ima leave it alone, though, and stay a rap artist

Always dug Coolio Da Unda Dogg on those '90s Mac Dre tracks he guested on (particularly California Livin' and 2 The Double R) but laboured under the illusion he'd never recorded any solo material until someone put me onto his Jackin' cassette EP from 1991 a couple of days back. Title track has me like "holy shit, why have Thizz never remastered this shit and reissued it?"

Coolio - Jackin'
(From Jackin' cassette EP; 1991)


Production on this is probably from some obvious '80s R&B joint I'm shamefully hitherto unaware of, but that main melody sounds like it was gaffled straight offa Brad Fiedel's score work on the Fright Night OST. Fangs for the head's up on this one, Frank.

Friday, 24 July 2015

Under The Quim # 2

Dear Westwood AKA U.K Boss

What little I know about bashment is gleaned from your shows and parties, so please believe I will always defer to your expertise on the matter of current dancehall bangers. With that said, what the f**k is up with you playing Elephant Man's song over the Boof Baff riddim rather than the vastly superior Spice version?

Spice - Needle Eye
(From Needle Eye single; 2015)



You caned So Mi Like It and Conjugal Visit last year, you rinsed 2015's other great dancehall song about pussy that's tight like Albert Arkwright back in the first quarter of this year, and you been had a penchant for filthy songs by female artists so why are you giving Needle Eye the cold shoulder like it's a new Blade single?

Thursday, 23 July 2015

Generic list post: 20 classic rap songs which were heavily ghostwritten

Don't worry if they wrote the rhymes, they made these tracks that snapped necks.

The Sugar Hill Gang - Rapper's Delight (1979)
Beastie Boys - Slow And Low (1986)
Baby ft. The Clipse - What Happened To That Boy? (2003)
Biz Markie - Vapors (1988)
Roxanne Shante - Have A Nice Day (1987)
Eazy-E - Boyz-N-The Hood (1987)
Dr. Dre - Let Me Ride (1992)
Kreayshawn - Gucci Gucci (2011)
Busy Bee - Making Cash Money (1982)
Melle Mel & Duke Bootee - Message II (Survival) (1983)
KanYe West - Can't Tell Me Nothing (2007)
Shaquille O'Neal - I'm Outstanding (1993)
Lil' Cease - Crush On You (1996)
Lil' Kim ft. Notorious B.I.G - Drugs (1996)
Puffy ft. Bad Boy & Lil' Kim - It's All About The Benjamins (1997)
Jim Jones - We Fly High (2006)
Freeky Zekey ft. Max B & Sen City - Henny (2007)
Snoop Dogg ft. Pharrell - Drop It Like It's Hot (2004)
Pharrell - Raspy Shit (2006)
Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX - Fancy (2014)

Wednesday, 22 July 2015

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be #12

Couple more old Boo Rossini songs dating from the period when he rolled with Concentration Camp. One of which I've posted before back in 2012 (R.I.P all Divshare links) and one of which I've only just discovered (cheers, Donal). Both bear the influence of the Hot Boy$ and both feature oddly syncopated production from Happy Perez, but neither of them are on the 'Tube or anywhere else streamable on the 'net. Sod that.

Boo ft. Lay-Lo
(From 601 album; 1999)


Boo Da Boss Playa ft. The Benz & Bra - He Say She Say
(From 1 Life 1 Love Family's Hustle Hard compilation; 2001)



The Benz & Bra are not weed carrier monikers of the Johnny 2 Gunz & Pokaface caliber.

Tuesday, 21 July 2015

The top 5 worst rap songs of 2015 so far

Sorry not sorry 4 the hate.

1. Meow The Jewels - Meeowrly
Numero uno with a bullet because Meeowrly combines two of my personal bête noires: El-Producto and Cat memes. Never forget that Killer Mike insisted T.I. dump Alfamega from the Grand Hustle roster yet he has no problem working/touring with a noted snitch like El-P.

2. Post Malone - White Iverson
2015: the year America decided it needed a singing Milkavelli. It's now far to easy to take shots at A$AP Sham's dubious past, but White Iverson is a deserving and very much literal number 2 since it sounds like the sort of shite I'd have received in an email from some Wavery stooge back in 2010.

3. OB O'Brien ft. Drake & P. Reign - Scheming Up
As we've already established, OVO is an Islamic Canadian terrorist organisation using Drake as a trojan horse to establish OB O'Brien's comedy career in the U.S. Scheming Up was instantly eradicated from radio playlists the moment Drake's last album dropped, yet Abu Hamface O'Brien's nasally attempts at Jamaican patois still haunt me, you, and anyone else who had the misfortune to hear the song.

4. Yung Gleesh - My Dog
Deep in the bowels of Hell there is a special chamber awaiting the arrival of Yung Gleesh, his place there reserved on the strength of that time he raped an unconscious girl at SXSW 2015, and his making of ironic trap music for the Noisey U.S staff at the behest of his videographer manager who used Gleesh to weasel his way into shooting clips for Chief Keef and A$AP Rocky.

5. Migos - John Wick
Keanu's puppy died for this Poundland U Guessed It bluster of nothing? Give me more Zapatista luau party rap in the vein of Hannah Montana and YRN or GTFOH already.

Sunday, 19 July 2015

Runnin' through the 02 Arena with his woes

Personally filing a lawsuit against 50 Cent for only playing 10 seconds of Wanna Get To Know You at G-Unit's show in London on friday night. Reason for the litigation: it should be illegal to make a crowd of twenty thousand people's hearts sing and then sink like that on a beautiful summer night.

G-Unit ft. Joe - Wanna Get To Know You
(From Beg For Mercy album; 2003)

Wednesday, 15 July 2015

British man posts west coast rap songs on Soundcloud

Warren G ft Nate Dogg - My House
(From Regulate... G Funk Era II EP; 2015)


Old man & dead legend rap & sang on Soundcloud. FYI there's a new Warren G & Nate Dogg song which interpolates no less than Mr. Fingers and Madness. And, unlike any of Warren's stepbrother's singles from Detox, it knocks. Told you that "you 38 and you still rappin'?"-core is now a low-key fruitful sub-genre of L.A rap as long as Dr. Dre isn't involved.

A-Wax - EverLasting Money
(From EverLasting Money album; 2015)


Off-white man semi-yells on Soundcloud. It's not as immediate as Never Saw It, but this other new A-Wax track has grown on me like unsightly shoulder hair. Very much feelin' the return of that Bruce Hornsby & The Range type ambiance to melancholy mob music, and that "still remember bein' locked up lookin' at the calendar and crossin' off Christmas/someone killed the homie Chinx Drugz in the very same car he crossed off a wishlist" couplet is one of those of moment of precise detail which A-Wax is so good at.

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

I got a girlfriend in Toronto, I got her legs horizontal

Kap G got a new song where he pulls off what Migos and Problem both failed at, Young Chop got some telenovela-soundin' acoustic guitar runnin' the track like them migrants who stay tryna bumrush the channel tunnel, and them migrants got no I.D like the migo make beats foreal foreal.

Kap G - Andelay
(From Real Migo Shit 3 mixtape; 2015)


Even though Jose Got Them Tacos was the song that first got me open to young Kap G Denira back in 2013, melodic sangy shit like this, F**k La Policia, and the Vato freestyle need to be where his future lies.

Monday, 13 July 2015

The Soundcloud Zone

A-Wax - Never Saw It
(From Everlasting Money album; 2015)



Nervous man in a four hundred dollar recording booth: exit Mr. Aaron Doppie, formerly a reflection in a mirror, a fragment of the melancholy mob music diaspora, a wistful thinker made out of glass but now made out of flesh and on his way to join the company of Pellion's artist mate from PureBakingSoda. Mr. A-Wax, with one foot through the door and one foot out of the Underrated Northern California Rapper Zone.

Chinx ft. MeetSims - On Your Body
(From On Your Body single; 2015)


To serve Mon no more: the recollections of one Lionel Pickens with appropriate flashbacks and soliloquy of waviness. Or more simply stated, the evolution of what Max B started reaching the Pacific State. The cycle of going from being That Other Guy to the untapped-potential of Tell 'Em to a posthumous top ten hit in waiting. The metamorphosis from being a side plate to a key ingredient in the soup. It's today's bill of fare as the late Young Abu Dhabi finally has a song Dan Large can play at his pool parties in Dubai.

Sunday, 12 July 2015

1 Life 1 Love to Donal & Ray Garraty, 1 Post for Concentration Camp stans

Here's a less distorted/unedited MP3 of I Like It than the one included on friday's Latino-rap comilation. Needless to say, this song was a no-brainer for inclusion on my part: a Happy Perez-produced Concentration Camp deep cut that's equal parts 24 Hours To Live and I Really Like It. All Music.com tells me that there was a video for the song which got a smattering on play on BET and The Box back in 2000, and that it originally appeared on Boo's A Hustla's Prayer CD a year before it was included on the 1 Life 1 Love Hustle Hard compilation. Who knew?

Boo Da Boss Playa ft. Young Bleed & King Goldi - I Like 2
(From A Hustla's Prayer album; 2000)



There isn't a sniff of the I Like 2 video anywhere online, the A Hustla's Prayer CD goes for upwards of £40 on Amazon, and the only place you can find a rip of the album is on t'internet is on some sketchy site you've gotta pay $50 to join. Maybe the album is some lost regional classic that's worth every penny, though, because the only other track from it on YouTube is Rainbow, which ANU once claimed was the best song I've ever put him onto. What's preventing me from pulling the trigger on a copy of the CD is that it might be the clean version like that damned rip of Hustle Hard on the Land Of G-Funk website.

Saturday, 11 July 2015

Lots of people say they don't listen to Kid Ink. They do. (Part 2)


Respectfully submitted for your perusal: a remix of the remix of OMI's Cheerleader featuring Bhris Brown's stuntman who also doubles as one of the great singles rappers of the past year or two. Motives for posting this? Therein hangs the tale, for in just a moment we're going to ask you to shake hands, figuratively, with the notion of how Kid Ink blew his hot streak with that Be Real stinker where it sounds like Dej Loaf says "we should be artists" and needed to do something to continue his run of annoying those frumpy rap critics who reside in an alternate dimension where Chance The Rapper or Chief Keef have ever recorded a song that slaps like Show Me, No Option or Body Language. This is that something.

"Ok, it's feelin' like I just won the lotto, baby
32-26-34 waisted"


OMI ft. Kid Ink - Cheerleader (Salaam Remi mix)
(From the internet; 2015)

Friday, 10 July 2015

A Latino rap compilation 4 u

In the first official Martorialist X SoManyShrimp collaboration, David Drake & I formed like Orson Welles voicing Unicron to drop a compilation of songs by Latino rappers which shit on Donald Trump's whole life. We plumped for a mix of deep cuts and singles, and we took it back to Cypress Hill and Kid Frost in the early '90s right up to recent cuts from Kap G and Snow Tha Product because we're really out here ridin' for Boriqua-rap and Cholo-core like that.

Oi Donald - your hairplugs look like that Joy Division artwork, Ivana fleeced you even after you pre-nupped her, Vince McMahon says "you're fired!" with more swag than you, the U.K version of The Apprentice bodies the Yank original, and Baby Bash is a better representation of the American Dream than you. Suck a dick with piss in it.


The Martorialist & SoManyShrimp presents - Fuck U Donald!

Cypress Hill - Shoot 'Em Up (1991)
Kid Frost - Mi Vida Loca (1993)
Frankie Cutlass - Puerto Rico (O.G mix) (1993)
Potna Deuce - Funky Behavior (1994)
Latino Velvet - Raza Park (O.G version) (1997)
N2Deep - Situations (1997)
Black Attack ft. Problemz & Al Tariq - Verbal Attack (1997)
Lay-Lo - Take It Like A Gee (1999)
Terror Squad - Watcha Gonna Do? (1999)
Lord Tariq - This Cold World (2000)
SPM ft. Baby Beesh - Oh My My (2000)
Boo Da Boss Playa ft. Young Bleed & King Goldi - I Like 2 (2001)
The Beatnuts - We Got The Funk (2002)
Baby Beesh - On Tha Cool (2002)
Tony Touch & Doo Wop - G'z Up (2002)
Kurious a/k/a Biolante - Fast Lane (2003)
Pitbull ft. Lil' Jon - Culo (2004)
N.O.R.E & Peedi Crakk - N*gga Rican (2004)
Lil' Rob - Summer Nights (2005)
Psycho Les - Show Me Thoze! (2007)
Sen Dog - Capo (2008)
Kap G - Fuck La Policia (2014)
Mr Criminal ft. Carolyn Rodriguez - Never Gonna Let You Go (2014)
Chingo Bling - I Don't Sell Tamales No More (2015)
Snow Tha Product - Suavemente (2015)

~~~>DOWNLOAD IT HERE <~~~

We kept it Team Lightskin partially as a tribute to Yams and partially because we'd have ended up 50 tracks deep if we'd started including half-Hispanic rappers like AZ, Trina, Prodigy, Jim Jones, Diamond from Crime Mob etc etc. Obviously there wasn't enough room for every Latin rapper on here, but please believe it's all love to Dres, Max Minelli, Agallah, Johnny J, Kirko Bangz and pretty much everyone bar Immortal Technique and Termanlogy.

Wednesday, 8 July 2015

T-Bayn

Here to remind y'all that the only people in the rap trade who should ever be allowed to remake T-Pain songs all hail from Oakland. Neither of these remixes of T-Pain singles were official but J. Valentine & Bailey's Go Dumb was the definitive alternate-version of I'm Sprung, while Ezale's Too High made the official remix of Up Down unnecessary:

J. Valentine & Bailey - Go Dumb
(From Bailey & J. Valentine's Hide Ya Breezy mixtape; 2006)



Ezale - Too High
(From Drug Funnie mixtape; 2013)


PS: Bailey's Fuck Yo' Couch is still the best Dave Chappelle-inspired rap song ever. Rumour has it Dave bailed on the 3rd season of The Chappelle Show because he was shook in case Bailey bodied him with his own concept again. True story, swear down etc.

Monday, 6 July 2015

Generic list post: what's a little problematicness between friends?

Moreover, what's a little problematicness between rapper and listener when the raison d'etre of zee rappeur is to make us mere civilians say "holy shit, I can't believe he/she just said THAT!"? Dr. Phil always claims that it's unhealthy to bottle your feelings up inside, and there is nobody better at purging their innermost feelings than rappers, no matter how offensive those innermost feelings might be. I have my limits, but I'm not gonna sit here and front like I don't lurve a whole caboodle of rap songs which contain some very sketchy lyrics indeed; here 25 problematic favourites:

Akinyele - I Luh Huh (1993)
Tay F. 3rd - Chris Brown (2010)
Brand Nubian - Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down (1992)
The Convicts - Illegal Aliens (1991)
Too $hort - Invasion Of The Flat Booty Bitches (1986)
Suga Free - Allergic To Bullshit (2008)
Poison Clan - Bad Influence (1990)
Slick Rick - Sleazy Gynechologist (199?)
Master P ft. C-Murder & Silkk Tha Shocker - Ghetto D (1997)
Lil B - Look Like Jesus (2010)
N.W.A - One Less Bitch (1991)
Ice Cube - Horny Lil' Devil (1991)
Cam'Ron ft. Chinky Brown Eyes - Harlem (2004)
UGK - Cocaine In The Back Of The Ride (1992)
Dhat Fam ft. Mista - Expose 1 (2011)
Busta Rhymes - Arab Money (2009)
Notorious B.I.G - Me And My Bitch (1994)
Goodie Mob - Fly Away (1998)
A-Wax - Is It Cuz I'm Black (2008)
Rocko ft. Future & Rick Ross - U.E.O.N.O (2013)
Smif-N-Wessun - Sound Bwoy Bureill (1995)
Tweedy Bird Loc - My Dicc Is Still Prejudiced (1994)
Waka Flocka Flame & Slim Dunkin - Twin Towers 2 (Intro) (2011)
Gangsta Pat ft. Psycho - Tha O.J. Murder Story (1995)
Glasses Malone - #Rihanna (2012)

Honestly couldn't think of any good problematic rap songs by Female Rappers™, although Tairrie Bar-B's "runaway slave master" track is notable for becoming a meme. Who's gonna step up and suggest a legitimate jam by V-Nasty where she drops n-bombs like the 95% white Glastonbury audience during KanYe West's performance of All Day?

Friday, 3 July 2015

Snow Tha Product >>>>> Donald Trump


(Snow Tha Product & Kevin Gates at the 2014 BET awards. Precisely 10 seconds after this picture was taken security tasered Gates because he asked Snow if he could suck on one of her used tampons.)

If you keep tabs on A-Wax's Instagram then you've probably noticed he has a decent following of Latina honeys extolling his virtues as a rapper and a heartthrob. I've never noticed Snow Tha Product pop up like Lil' Kim in his comments, but listening I'm Saying from her new mixtape it seems plausible that she may have listened to 'Wax's Pullin' Strings album once or thrice these past twelve months. Need a sing-songy barbiturate-ballad that sounds like Trainwreck in the key of Be Alone? Snow Tha Product has the 1 4 u:

Snow Tha Product - I'm Saying
(From The Rest Comes Later mixtape; 2015)

Thursday, 2 July 2015

Damn... look what the wind blew in

I got your favourite bloggers on my dick, some fruitflies from Austria talkin' shit, but ain't no need for me to call my clique because DJ Step One & ya boy Marty be too busy editing the 8 minute extended G-Funk remix Lady Of Rage's Afro Puffs with the Dr Dre intro & the Snoop freestyle down to a more digestible length. We've kept Rage's hook as a bridge between Snoop's verse and his outro monologue, but we've junked her verses so you can now spend those extra 4 minutes they took up listening to the vastly superior O.G Afro Puffs instead. Dr. Dre told us the remix was gonna hit 9.2 on the richter scale back in 1994 so this edit is a 9.9 by today's standards:

Death Row All Stars - Afro Puffs Freestyle G-Funk Remix (Step/Mart edit)
(From the internet; 2015)


When Dr. Dre rated the remix as a 9.2, did he anticipate Anthony Fantano's entire shtick by 18 years?

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