Tuesday, 13 November 2018

It was all a dream, I never read FACT magazine

"This shit shit janky
I can't even trust my aunty
..STUPID BITCH!!!"


70th Street Carlos - Wake Me Up
(From t'internet; 2018)



Back when we all discovered Cross Me nobody could have predicted that 70th Street Carlos would become the Biggie/Biz Markie of Beserker-Bounce, nor that he would go on to drop a Boom-Bap homage to 2Pac. It shouldn't work, but it does. Keep ya head up when you're in that water like Spencer Elden.

Bonus beats: the instrumental that changed everything or wot?

Trel Itz A Hit - Itz Back There
(From YouTube; 2016)



(No particular shotz @ FACT... except for the Sad Boys article, natch.)

Sunday, 11 November 2018

Windows is shutting down

"Got 2 hoes when I roll, I'm on go, on tiptoes
I re-up and reload, get 3 hoes and lay low
I'm too cold, I'm G-Code
I'm Mac, you windows"


Mouse On Tha Track - Let Me In (solo edit)
(From t'internet; 2018)



Cheers to Step Won, told you this shit would sound better as a Mouse On Tha Solo Track. When Mouse sez "I'm Mac, you Windows" it's fun to pretend that he's referencing the blood test scene in The Thing.


Friday, 9 November 2018

Don't ask me whattup 'cause it's insomnia with me

Joeazzy ft. Mouse On Tha Track - Let Me In
(From YouTube; 2018)



A song improved by the subtraction of Webbie and the addition of a Mouse verse on his U.N.Lil' Slim shit. It'll be improved again when I get Jack The Snipper to turn it into a Mouse On Tha Solo Track innit.

Saturday, 3 November 2018

R.I.P to that $hizz guy who guested on + produced Foxx's 3rd Person

"$hizz be in Arkansas, $hizz be in Texas
$hizz don't know no dance moves but I always see him flexin'"


Foxx ft. $hizz - 3rd Person
(From Don't Work Don't Eat mixtape; 2012)



Smoke one for $hizzy, who died recently according to Frankie. A notable producer/rapper because 3rd Person is one of this decade's great lost Datpiff deep cuts, and Turk & Mel at TRILL ENT fucked up by not working it as a single back in 2012.

Yo money gripp, money gripp - you was a fool for this beat!

Friday, 2 November 2018

Rick, What's The Scoop?


Job's a good 'un by Stan Ipcus on this The Great Adventures Of Slick Rick anniversary piece. Particularly like Rick's take on Def Jam releasing Teenage Love as his first solo single, an A&R faux pas only vindicated by putting the Doug E. Fresh beatbox version of Treat Her Like A Prostitute on the B-side and the 12"s artwork. Shit, ya host's a fan of Teenage Love (no SPM/Afrika Bambaataa/Adam22), but it wasn't cut from the right cloth to be MC Ricky D's debut solo single.


Oh shit, Rick's just dropped a new-old song. He sez this one's from the 80s but I ain't buying that given it has the same sample as Group Home's Stupid MF's. Hmmmmm, not sure about this one in general - Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, can't you see, somehow your new song sounds like it was produced by fucking El-P.

Wednesday, 31 October 2018

Generic list post: October 2018


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Children's Story took a disturbing new turn. Hey young world - don't ever let uncle Adam22 read you a bedtime story.

70th Street Carlos ft. BBG Babyjoe - Do That (2018)
Homeboy Sandman & Edan - Rock & Roll Indian Dance (2018)
1TakeQuan - Grub Hub (2018)
Open Mike Eagle - Microfiche (2018)
Donae'o - Chalice (No Canadian Rappers Please edit) (2018)

Other notables: I Hope by Jay Lewis et al is the Hater's Anthem of 2018; people don't half sweat some boring music nowadays because that Lil' Baby & Gunna album is even duller than all the Faux Marciano-core bullshit; speaking of which, not gotten around to the DJ Muggs & Roc Marciano album yet; damn, even Rich The Factor has himself a goofy white protege now; Sherwood Marty's We Outchea ain't really my thing but I love seeing Mouse On Tha Track productions possibly blowin' up; the only song I'm digging on that new SOB X RBE album is the one with the best song title of 2018; was anyone expecting 70th Street Carlos would drop a boom-bap 2Pac tribute?

Tuesday, 30 October 2018

Anthony is a Johnson

"Big Afro wig with a chin-strap
I'm thinkin' real hard, chewin' on a pen cap
Some songs just more for the headphones
Fuck the NFL, fuck the RedZone"


Open Mike Eagle - Microfiche
(From What Happens When I Try To Relax EP; 2018)



Damn, Open Mike Eagle drops some fly shit when he embraces the craft of songwriting and leaves the Unapologetic Art to his videos. Bradley tells me Microfiche is Anthony Fantano's least favourite song on the new O.M.E EP, and of course it is because Fantano's ear for music is about as good as his eye for #menswear.


PS: fuck the NFL indeed. It's bad enough that a sizable portion of the U.K thinks Rugby is a watchable sport without the NFL hiring out Wembley to host the even shittier Yank equivalent. Did the British public learn nothing from that brief moment in the late 80's when da streetz of everywhere from Liverpool to Liskeard to Liscannor were littered with lads wearing them 'orrible Pony Linebackers?

Monday, 29 October 2018

Ain't I allowed to just post a bona fide classic sometimes?

Yung L.A ft. Young Dro & T.I. - Ain't I (Remix)
(From Aint I (Remix) single; 2008)



Remember, remember the 25th of November for being the 10th anniversary of the Ain't I remix. A song which keeps getting better with time and deserves an in-depth Oral History Of.. Red Bull TV video. Call me an old sage if you want, but I knows my onions and Atlanta just doesn't make 'em like this anymore.

Saturday, 27 October 2018

**Sean Price voice** Edan white but Edan nice

"Look up in the sky, it's a bird..
Yo, that's played out!
..I was gonna say it's a birdbath
That's way out!"


Homeboy Sandman & Edan - Rock & Roll Indian Dance
(From Humble Pi EP; 2018)



Grim Seasons is a Homeboy Sandman song which just happens to be produced by Edan; #NeverUseTheInternetAgain is an Edan song which just happens to be rapped by Homeboy Sandman; The Gut is pretty much what you'd expect a Homeboy Sandman & Edan song where they both rap would sound like; and Rock & Roll Indian Dance here is like a lost Edan & Skillz Ferguson pass-the-mic song where Homeboy Sandman just happens to plays the role of Edan's former favourite token blk m8.

Thursday, 25 October 2018

It only show up once a year, ol' McRib ass song

Good news for all Lurches of chirpsing & Vampiras of banter, Open Mike Eagle's deleted 2017 Halloween loosie has reappeared on his new EP in time for the 2018 witching/cuffing season. Ain't a damn thing changed except the song's name because it's still the exact same strangely humourous take on how ghosts went from being inside the machines to becoming the machines making ghosts of humans. No lie, that bit at the end of the third verse where the Opera sample builds to a crescendo before Open Mike interpolates the chorus of Ghostbusters has haunted ya host's speakers for the last 12 months.

Open Mike Eagle - Single Ghosts
(From What Happens When I Try To Relax EP; 2018)



Gonna need O.M.E to record a song where he raps from the perpective of a dead person's social media account floating abandoned in cyberspace like a ghostship, adrift like the Mary Celly Celeste.

Wednesday, 24 October 2018

R.I.P to Pumpkin, I had to regulatte

Conclusive proof Errol "Pumpkin" Bedward shoulda been the best producer of 1980 in Complex's The Best Hip-Hop Producer Alive 1979 - 2018 listicle in the form of Spoonie Gee & the Trecherous Three's New Rap Language/Love Rap 12" single:



The definitive Rap record of 1980, empirically better than any of Rocky Ford & J.B. Moore's productions on Kurtis Blow's debut album. Both tracks are original compositions rather than replays of Disco hits or classic breaks, the latter track was the first Rap song to become a breakbeat in its own right, and both songs established Pumpkin as Rap's first superproducer. I rest my case, y'honour, and I didn't even have to mention Pumpkin's other great 1980 production.

TBF, the people behind the listicle did a decent job on those early years of Rap, especially by 2018 Rap media standards, but there's a couple of mistakes in there: you can't claim Jiggs Chase was the real auteur behind The Message when you admit that Duke Bootee practically did everything on the song; and it's long been established that Davy DMX #actually produced damn near all the tracks Kurtis Blow and Aaron Fuchs both took credit for.

Friday, 19 October 2018

Generic list post: 2018 late pass! (thus far)

"Ten four! Ten four!
The Martorialist has been spotted dropping a list of 10 legit jams™ he'd slept on until 2018!
Officer required! Please bring heat-resistant gear!"


We got De La Soul samples by The Outlaw Blues Band; L.A Chicano Punk by The Brat; various Bay Area shit by Mac Dre, Father Dom, Z-Man, Ghost8800, and Calvin T; an electro-boogie cover version of Steely Dan's Peg by Brian Ellis; Nigerian semi-Grime from DJ Consequence & YCEE: and a 70th Street Carlos loosie from the biffin's bridge of 2017.

The Outlaw Blues Band - Deep Gully (1969)
The Brat - High School (1980)
Mac Dre & DJ Cee - Donkey Ain't Free (1989)
Father Dom - Tell Your Baby Mama Leave Me Alone (1997)
Z-Man - White Girls Wit Ass (1999)
Ghost8800 - Sonic Boom (video mix) (2012)
Calvin T - Bottom Bitch (2014)
Brian Ellis - Peg (2015)
DJ Consequence ft. YCEE - In A Benz (2016)
70th Street Carlos - Rich N*gga Bitch (2017)

Monday, 15 October 2018

Is Quavo's terrible solo album Auto-Tune's death rattle?

Let's be honest here, chiefs & chiefettes: there hasn't been a Rap song improved by Auto-Tune in a couple of years now, it's one of the two main reasons why 2018 is the blandest year for mainstream choonz in the genre's history, it strips regional Rap styles of all their geographical twangs into sterile RapCaviar fodder, and when Simon Reynolds is writing thinkpieces celebrating it and illustrating his points with some of the dullest songs Future and Migos have ever recorded then you know it's definitely time to leave That Funny Voice Shit™ in the past innit?

Sleep tight, sweet pitch-corrector... we'll always have the time Jadakiss accidentally called you "Audio-Tunes."

Friday, 12 October 2018

I hope you ordered Dr. Pepper and they give your ass Coke

"I hope you go get them new J's and they turn out to be fake
I hope you win a trip to Africa and choke on a grape
I hope you decide to take a run and go get bit by a snake
I hope your nanna cook spaghetti and they run outta plates"


Jay Lewis ft. Gorilla Mode Dezz & Mista Cain - I Hope
(From t'internet; 2018)



File this under ‘the official Hater's Anthem™ of 2018!’

Keepin' this schadenfreude essence inside us, because it provides us with the proper insight to guide us. I hope some Bork raer vinylz boutique label presses this up on a 12" with Scotlandville.

Wednesday, 10 October 2018

Thank Us Later


Tommy Robinson didn't do porridge just so some fooken' foreigner from Baggedmilkland could ruin that new Donae'o song with a verse of Poundland Drakeisms. Luckily Jack The Snipper was available to remove Fauxbrey's verse and now Chalice can be enjoyed the way Diana™ would've wanted to hear it, God bless her soul.

Donae'o - Chalice (No Canadian Rappers Please, We're British edit)
(From t'internet; 2018)



Can you believe Calvin Harris was behind the boards for this one? His first good production since Acceptable In The 80's or wot?

Sunday, 7 October 2018

Born To Audiomack: the REAL Loyalty Over Love

You see, in this world there's 2 types of people, my friend - doz that slept on Black Sheep's first LP and doz that wept when they heard OMB Peezy's debut LP. Fortunately ya host Captain Save-A-Rapper is here to dry your eyes like a laptop with this 7-song playlist of the EP that OMB Peezy's Loyalty Over Love was probably intended to be in 2017 before Peezy & his label decided to discard all the songs which built his reputation.



Actual factz: it's 2018 and the LP is an outdated drawn-out format which solely exists to give people on Twitter something to have Opinionz about every friday.

Friday, 5 October 2018

R.I.P Ad-Rock!

Much like the Beastie Boys' homeless m8 Johnny Ryall, ya host has a Rockabilly past which nobody knows. Only letting the cat(man) outta the bag today because I've just realised that The Phantom's Love Me #actually dropped in 1960 rather than 1958, thus it coulda/shoulda/woulda been included in my best songs of the '60s list. If proto-Punk exists outside the heads of aged music critics who think that Punk was the be all and end all of Culture™ then Love Me is far more deserving of the term than all those Garage-Rock bands from 1963 who just sound like Dick Dale with a fuzz pedal. You a fool for this one, Pat Boone:

The Phantom - Love Me
(From Love Me 7" single; 1960)



Memphis isn't where he's from, he invented Punk Rock but never met Malcolm McLaren. On the real, though, Yank teenagers in 1960 must have had their domes blown in the comforts of their suburban homes hearing some otherworldly psychotic rockabilly shit like Love Me for the first time.

Coming next on The Martorialist: was The Legendary Stardust Cowboy Rock's first ableist?

Thursday, 4 October 2018

Dog 'n' the wax

"There ain't no limit to this shit, I swear I'm feelin' like P
I fucked so many hoes, I swear I can name 'em from A to Z
I make my bitch sleep on the floor 'cause that choppa lay with me
Yeah, that glock it stay with me, that fake shit ain't okay with me"


70th Street Carlos ft BBG Babyjoe - Do That
(From t'internet; 2018)



Mr. Bang Bang? More like Mr. Triggaman amirite! This upload seems to be the only one on t'internet which doesn't sound like you're listening to it through an ear clogged with wax. Shout out to Rhys Barber, we in this bitch like a Jobson Horne.

Visuals just dropped. Why is the sky blue, why is water wet, why is the thumbnail not from the video?

Tuesday, 2 October 2018

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be # 20

A square: why aren't De La Soul's classic albums streamable on Spotify or Apple?

A connoisseur: why isn't De La Soul's G.O.A.T B-side streamable anywhere, even YouTube?

There are certain De La Soul B-sides which are legit jams but deserve their position as surprise finds on the flip-sides of the anthems. And then there's What's More? which the group really should have saved for De La Soul Is Dead; Lord knows this song deserved a place on that album more than novelty interludes like Kicked Out The House or Who Do U Worship?.

De La Soul - What's More? From Original Soundtrack "Hell On 1st Avenue"
(From Me Myself & I 12" single; 1989)



There's no evidence that a movie by the name of Hell On 1st Avenue exists, let alone that a soundtrack album was recorded for it. Presumably that part of the song's title is one of Prince Paul's concepts: an imaginary soundtrack for a fictional crack-era blaxploitation movie in which the song's "tell me what's more.... " questions are set? Crazy visions, bruv.

Sunday, 30 September 2018

Generic list post: September 2018


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when this little blog finally reached the top of Google's seach rankings for Will High and Vordul. Peak Martorialist... literally.

Mac Dre ft. Coolio Da Unda Dogg - California Livin' (demo) (1990)
Calvin T - Bottom Bitch (2014)
P-Lo - Same Squad (2018)
Cash Kidd - Zorbas (2018)
70th Street Carlos - Coogi Fit (2018)
Jay Lewis - Scotlandville (2018)
Lil' Wayne ft. Swizz Beatz - Uproar (2018)

Other notables: nice to hear 70th Street Carlos and WNC Whop Bezzy together again on Big B's; I've kept returning to #NeverUseTheInternetAgain by Homeboy Sandman & Edan for a couple of months now even though I'm not sure I even like it as a song or a sentiment; SonnieBo's Fresh Out is what D-Lo's 2018 songs would sound like if D-Lo stopped trying so hard to sound HARD; I was forced to endure Eminem's new album and all I could think about was tiggedy-tiggedy tongue-twistin' Iggy Azalea; X-Raided's first post-prison song is way more fun anyone could have expected (bit weird hearing his voice au naturel not filtered through a prison's phoneline, though, innit?)

Friday, 28 September 2018

Re-Up Gong!



Celebrate Tha Carter V featuring a Special Delivery revamp with the Martorialist best of G. Dep playlist! Early career unreleased & indie joints, prime Bad Boy Records joints, and one last dayz brief-comeback joint.

Did Swizz Beatz change Lil' Wayne's mind about the Special Delivery beat? If not, put a finger in the air for the hearing impaired.

Monday, 24 September 2018

Hi kids, do you like vegemite?

My mate Chinese John* forced me to listen to that new Eminem album yesterday, and it sounds like a fucking episode of DJ Akademiks' Rap gossip show on ComplexTV being rapped by Spazzy Azalea circa THAT live clip:


Which is apt since the only notable thing about the album was when Eminem spitefully gave The Real Slim Sheila™ half-a-bar. Obviously this was a backhanded compliment to the cocky Caubogan because Eminem knows he hasn't made a song which slaps as hard as Fancy since The Marshall Mathers LP.

(*Name changed to protect the secret Eminem fan.)

Saturday, 22 September 2018

However livin' better now, bangers about Coogi sweaters now

"Hatin' ass n*ggas they be listenin' to my song mad
The way I raise that glock up you'd think I was the fuckin' dad"


70th Street Carlos - Coogi Fit
(From t'internet; 2018)



Well, Ed O.G did implore black men to Be A Father To Your Child, didn't he? Anyhoo, if Carlos is gonna drop an Atlantafied-sounding song then at least the ATL influence comes from the parping regality of T.I's ASAP.

Friday, 21 September 2018

Born To Audiomack: 2018 Back!

1. BlocBoy JB - No Chorus Pt 11
2. DaBoii of SOB X RBE - Onna Gang
3. Kendrick Lamar & SOB X RBE - Paramedic
4. 70th Street Carlos - Sprite
5. WNC Ram Bam - G Warfare
6. Dru Down ft. Mistah F.A.B - Streets Is Cold
7. Tay-K - After You
8. Husalah - Bad Young Thang
9. Queen Key ft. Dreezy - Ha
10. Maine Musik - Soulja Slim Flow 2
11. Sada Baby & FMB DZ - Planet Of The Apes
12. P-Lo - Same Squad
13. DJ Premier ft. Casanova - Wut U Said???
14. Nef The Pharoah & 03 Greedo ft. ALLBLACK - Ball Out
15. E-40 & B-Legit ft. Stresmatic - Meet The Dealers
16. Rich Blue - Hands Hands
17. Valee ft. Jeremih - Womp Womp
18. Jay Lewis - Scotlandville
19. Level ft. Mouse On Tha Track & Boosie BadAzz - DFWT (Remix)
20. Edan - Real Bad Promo
21. Cash Kidd - Zorbas
22. City Girls - Period (We Live)
23. Mozzy - Who I Am



It's ya host's essential Rap songs of 2018 playlist, updated with legit jams™ by by P-Lo, DJ Premier & Casanova, Edan, Cash Kidd, Sada Baby & FMB DZ, Jay Lewis, and Nef The Pharaoh & 03 Greedo with ALLBLACK. Still missing some songs which nobody's bothered to upload to Audiomack, but steadily racking up like dirty dishes.

In case the 'mack is playing funny buggers here's a direct link to the playlist.

Wednesday, 19 September 2018

No Bounce To The Ounce


This motherfucker Big Choo is literally taunting me by still regularly posting snippets of that song he first teased in february 2017. New term for rappers who constantly preview songs but never drop 'em: Bop-Teases™.