Sunday, 20 April 2014

Let me find out the rap-internet tryna act all sadiddy!

I said "bloggas, don't think you all that, y'all were too busy all hittin' each other from the back for some new Ryan Hemsworth track!"

Let me find out the entire rap-internet, myself very much included, is useless for failing to spot 5th Ward Weebie's Let Me Find Out Part 1 back when it originally dropped back in november 2013!

Let me find out this dude, Noz and Serg Dunn for being the only people on the rap-internet to acknowledge Let Me Find Out thus far in 2014!

Let me find out this goes on to be a global hit 4 years after its release on some modern day NOLA Bounce version of Be Faithful by Fatman Scoop & the Crooklyn Clan-type shit!

Let me find out Drag Rap and Donnell Jones' Where I Wanna Be really shouldn't sound this good together!

Let me find out part 2 is gonna be a remix with Mouse On Tha Track!

"Ya baby mama in the club, you maaaaaad!
She bendin' over lettin' people Instagram dat ass!
Ya baby mama in the club, you maaaaaad!
She wore them little-biddy shorts I Instagrammed dat ass!"


5th Ward Weebie - Let Me Find Out Part 1
(From Let Me Find Out Part 1 single; 2013)


Let me find out some other good 5th Ward Weebie songs other than this, Show Dat Work and the Bend It Ova remix, plz?

Friday, 18 April 2014

Ayo Rey

Kinda now know what you meant when you said the didn't care that the French Montana X Masked Terror X Chief Keef bodysnatcher song was utterly indefensible because it knocked. There's so many things wrong with Starvin' Cameron's new single and yet they all evaporate precisely 14 in on the first "HOL' UP, HOL' UP":

Wiz Khalifa - We Dem Boyz
(From whatever Wiz's next album is called; 2014)


This is not a song for the ages like its near-namesakes by Boyz N Da Hood and T-Bo & Mike Da Hustla because it's headed inexorably towards ruination at the hands of sports science student gymrat banter-lads, so I'm gonna enjoy Who Dem Boyz while I still can before it ends up as the Rap Game that Here Come The Girls Boots advert.

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Geeked up for real

When the non-Canadian Drake interviewed DJ Mustard for Complex there was much discussion about the nuts & bolts of his production: Mustard admitted Ty Dolla $ign and P.Lo had hooked him up with some drum loops, but went batshit at the suggestion he'd jacked various elements from some obscure 2009 track by the HBK affiliate Young Bari and then spent the rest of the interview bragging that he had more money and hits than the entire HBK roster combined. As interviews go, it was both informative and amusing, but the evidence presented left us none the wiser as to whether there was a secrete architect of Mustard's sound, let alone who it might be.

Here's a suggestion: Up All Night by Faze & Coogi Dollaz is a 2009 Jerk anthem produced by Jaynari of that New Boyz single with Ray J/the League Of Starz production collective fame which was featured on Mustard's own 2010 compilation Let's Jerk. Let's just say it features numerous sonic tics that have gone on to be the hallmarks of Mustard's production and it should put any suggestions that Mustard bit his whole shit from HBK Gang to rest for good.

Faze ft. Coogi Dollaz - Up All Night
(From DJ Mustard presents Let's Jerk compilation; 2010)


If you're a rap geek who cares about boring trivialities like production credits, it's handy that you can now pick up cool little '00's CDs like Let's Jerk for the price of a supermarket sandwich, especially since there's still a market for flogging rubbish '80s and '90's rap CDs to Japanese kids who'll pay silly prices for any old shite as long as it's #RARE. I'm still spendin' money from 2008 when I sold some lad from Sendai my copy of Ice Cream Tee's awful 1988 album Can't Hold Back.

Monday, 14 April 2014

Generic list post: 40 jams from 2002

Been did 2004, been did 2003, just zoned out for the past hour and been come up with a best rap songs of 2002 generic list. While it was a great year for rap muzik, there's a distinct lack of much young blood to be found here since it was largely dominated by rappers who'd been releasing records since the mid '90s or longer, and even most of the rookies included had debuted 2 or 3 years earlier and were already on or about to drop their sophomore albums. If there's ever a rap industry equivalent of Operation Yewtree, they needn't bother investigating anyone active in 2002 because da kidz were nowhere to be found.

N.O.R.E - Nothin'
Paul Wall & Chamillionaire - N Luv Wit My Money
E-40 - It's All Gravity
B-Legit ft. Too $hort - So International
T.I. - 24's
8-Off Agallah & Sean Price - Rising To The Top (O.G version)
Sean Price - Don't Say Shit To Ruck
Trina - Hustling
Monsta Island Czars - Mic Line
Nelly - Hot In Herre
AZ - Wanna Be There
Foxy Brown - Stylin'
Nas - Get Down
Cormega - Verbal Graffiti
Twista ft. Legit Ballaz - Tattoo remix
P Diddy ft. Loon, Ginuwine & Mario Winans - I Need A Girl Part 2
The Clipse - Grindin'
Cam'Ron ft. Jim Jones - Dead Or Alive
The Diplomats & Master P - Bout It Bout It Part 3
Mac Dre - Monday Thru Sunday
Scarface - Safe
Devin The Dude - Go Somewhere
Edan - Emcees Smoke Crack remix
Big Tymers - Still Fly
Lil' Wayne - Where You At?
50 Cent - Wanksta
Lil' Flip ft. Shasta - 8 Rulez
Snoop ft. Pharrell - From Tha Chuuuch To Da Palace
Nighthawks - Cop Hell
YoungBloodZ ft. Lil' Jon - Damn!
Jay-Z - Show You How
Freeway ft. Jay-Z & Beanie Sigel - What We Do
Project Pat - Choose U
Gang Starr - The Natural
The NYG'z - Giantz Ta This
Mack 10 ft. Ice Cube, WC & Butch Cassidy - Connected For Life
Grand Puba - Issues Pete Rock remix
504 Boyz - Get Back
Big Noyd - Shoot 'Em Up (Bang Bang)
Pastor Troy ft. Timbaland, Ms Jade & CJ - Are We Cuttin'?

BTW, none of these lists are presented in any kind of order of preference because it's impossible to decide whether I Need A Girl Part 2 is a better song than Keep Rising To The Top or vice versa. Plus, ya boy Brotha Shane Lynch Hung right chea is utterly incapable of looking at any hierarchical list I've made without getting an itchy edit finger.

Saturday, 12 April 2014

I refuse to refer to Young Ready by his new moniker of Racked Up Ready part 3

Contrary to what I'd thought previously, Young Ready does have one good solo track and it just went visual. I'm told Somethin' Serious blumps somethin' monumental in Baton Rogue's wildest bacchanalias of the night, but its true calling in life would be as the entrance music for Young Ready & Mista Cain in a tag-team wrestling match against their mutual enemies Foxx & Kevin Gates:

"The day they claim they all loved ya is the day ya died"

Young Ready - Somethin' Serious
(From Street Laws mixtape; 2013/YouTube; 2014)



Despite Young Ready's uncanny resemblance to n.W.o-era Dennis Rodman in the Somethin' Serious clip, the match's closest parallel would be The Rare Oddities versus The Outsiders on Nitro in 1997: Ready & Mista Cain as Wrath & Mortis, Foxx & Gates as Hall & Nash, Travis Ray from Dead Game Records as James Vanderberg, and FrankieThaLuckyDog as Syxx.

Friday, 11 April 2014

R.I.P Sue Townsend

You outlived Peaches Geldof, the Ultimate Warrior, and Blood Money, but not Kitty Pryde's dog.


You also wrote a proto-Brad Jordan novel about a 13 year old boy at least 20 years before Pete Townsend was arrested for looking up pictures of 13 year old boys on the internet.

Thursday, 10 April 2014

Is it on your chest? Is it on your back? Is it on your leg? Is it by your cat?

There can't be too many rap songs which contain references to the world's leading hemorrhoid ointment, right? Mercifully, the Tattoo remix by Twista & Legit Ballaz might be the only song of ANY genre where Preparation H and arses appear together in an entirely different context than what they were intended:

"Spit a lil' game, hope they take the bait
Gurl, don't let your tat' dry up, come lemme rub on Preperation H
A big butt freak with a butterfly wing on each cheek to cover her behind
When she pull her Prada pants down to pop that thang it look like the butterfly be flyin'"


Twista ft. Legit Ballaz - Tattoo remix
(From Tattoo remix single; 2002)

Twista & Legit Ballers - Tattoo from Damir Licina on Vimeo.


The Tattoo remix was Twista's first noughties single for Atlantic Records after a 4 year hiatus spent releasing independent compilation albums, yet the clean edit (*1) is the only version that's ever been available for sale digitally and the song ended up being cut from Kamikaze's tracklist. If nothing else, this proves that the damage wrought by Atlantic on their rap acts is consistent, so it only seems fair that everybody who's ever worked in the label's urban department spends an eternity of blistering agony in Hell with fire consistently stripping the flesh from their bones as the shitty French Montana & Trey Songz remix of Paranoid plays on a continuous loop.

The little-known original version of Tattoo was a song by Twista's weed-carriers Legit Ballaz, which Twista then decided he'd give his lungs a stretch on for a remix and claim it as his own for his official re-emergence on Atlantic. Them's are the perks of employing your rapping friends from the neighbourhood, and if there was ever a song that sounds like it was made for Twista to rap about women's buttocks on, then it's Tattoo here:

Legit Ballaz - Tattoo
(From Respect The Game Vol. 3 compilation album; 2002)


(*1 The hilarious irony here is that Twista's flow was so confusing for the people who worked in the censorship department at Atlantic that they missed him dropping THE c-word of all c-words on the Tattoo remix, and so the clean edit omits the word "cat" for a "MEOW" sound effect on the hook, but includes Twista using THE dreaded c-word in his verse.)

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Posted this b4 u, I mean that!

Mouse On Tha Track reclaims Barrington Levy's "WHOO-OOH"s from KanYe's po-faced Andrew Cunanan-ass clutches for his new song I Mean That, a Baton Rogue bounce 2.0 riff on Juvenile's HA. Makes sense since Mouse has been producing for Juve and hanging out with Mannie Fresh in recent times:

Mouse On Tha Track - I Mean That
(From the internet; 2014)



Time differences mean this has somehow ended up as MARTORIALIST EXCLUSIVE!!

**Funk Flex EXPLOSION**

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Why couldn't God have taken Copywrite instead of Camu Tao????


(Before we get down to the nitty gritty, let's take a moment to reflect on Camu Tao's outfit in the infamous picture of him whupping his former MHZ groupmate Copywrite. Dook was wearing slim-fit sagged jeans in 2005 B.C -- Before Cool Kids --, which makes him an ever bigger sartorial trailblazer than KanYe!)

Why did it have to be the one talented rapper from the MHZ crew who was taken back to the essence, yo? The only good song MHZ ever made was when Camu Tao got his own solo track on their 2nd 12", where he rapped in tongues as though his brain had been invaded by Korton from the planet Koldas and Canibus who'll bury your body on any other planet except the Earth:

MHZ - Magnetics
(From Rocket Science 12"; 1999)



I'm just kidding like Short about wishing for Copywrite's demise, of course, because he's one of the greatest internet punchlines of all time; from Esoteric exposing him for sock puppeting on UGHH.com, to the aforementioned incident where he caught a beatdown from Camu and managed to break his own finger on his brass knuckles, to the Skribble Jam ding-dong which resulted in him getting knocked the fuck out by ol' glassjaw-ass Icon The Mic King, Copywrite has given the internet more LOLz whilst takin L's than any rapper not named Hell Rell.

Rap game lol Simon Reynolds Hauntology article #2

Quick post to let you know that my favourite song on that new Stu Hustlah album is, in essence, the "this is reality-rap, we all go through it" version of Never Blink:


"Grew up on the block, me and my n*gs starvin'
If I ever had a dad, it was Marvin"


Stu Hustlah - Neighbors Callin' Da Pigs
(From Unfathered 5 album; 2014)


Monday, 7 April 2014

Thank you, Ack Miller

Oakland stays killin' it with the Run D.M.C-interpolating tracks from late 2013 that I've only just caught up with. Last week there was Execution by DB Tha General, this week there's Foreal Foreal by Ezale, which was recently granted a video. Dude is the missing rap link between the NhT Boyz & Bobby Brackins, Foreal Foreal both sounds and looks like it belongs on the TReal TV 4 soundtrack (what happened to part 3?), and the party don't stop even when Ezale ends the song by hoping to be reunited with his dead brother in chigga Heaven:

"I'm a loud n*gga, got a loud mouth
I get loud packs, I got a loud house
Gettin' down with the get-down, HAH
Been around when it got down, UH UH
Where was you when they slid through, HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH?"


Ezale - Foreal Foreal
(From Drug Funnie mixtape; 2013)



Do AZNs get a pass to drop n-bombs because they're the last truly persecuted race in AmeriKKKa today?

My posts cost more than your house


Smoke DZA made a song out of Ric Flair's entrance theme AKA the Richard Strauss symphony from that silly Stanley Kubrick movie which is only notable for inspiring John Carpenter to make Dark Star as a riposte:

"Sippin' outta success fountain
Bitches ridin' space mountain"


Smoke DZA & 183rd - Flair For The Gold
(From Ringside 2 EP; 2014)


You knew your boy Marty AKA Haan Anderson AKA Toolie Blanchard was gonna ride for this one, huh?

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Slangin' humble pie and St Ides in the same sentence #3

Forgot I still owe Lil' Chris a big apology for mistakenly thinking Same Shit Different Day and 2 Fake were his only good songs. Keep Your Head Up came recommended by Chris himself in defense of his catalogue and, fair play, it's another marvelous slice of bittersweet polyphonic westside Chicago rap:

Lil' Chris of M.I.C - Keep Your Head Up
(From Keep Your Head Up single; 2014)


What makes Keep Your Head Up a bit special is that it's such a plucky juxtaposition of the surreal and the very concrete real, with producer David Jansen cranking the melodic Emo-Tune sound of Same Shit Different Day up into tampon commercial backing-track territory, and Chris spinning us a couple of street-level yarns cut from the same cloth as Hey Young World and the song's namesake by 2pac. Like those sanitary towels Claire Rayner used to advertise on the telly, Keep Your Head Up will make you feel like you were born with wings.

Friday, 4 April 2014

Generic list post: 40 jams from 2003

Blogging rule #1097: when suffering from poster's block, fall back on a cheap crowd-pleasing list. The 2004 jams post got luh from Qatar to Quartersnacks and back again, so here's a 2003 equivalent. Will Lil-Bucket come through again and turn this one into a Spotify playlist? Let's guilt-trip him into it.

My blog, my choices, which means nothing from The Black Album, and a Juve' deep cut over Slow Motion. I only discovered Loon's This Ain't Funny a couple of months ago, but I've already become so besotted with the track that it'd be disingenuous if I didn't include it, so it's au revoir to Flip Flop Rock.

T.I. - Kingofdasouth
Freeway ft. Peedi Crakk - Flipside
Peedi Crakk ft. Freeway - Fall Back
David Banner - Cadillac On 22's
King Geedorah ft. Mr Fantastik - Anti-Matter
Three 6 Mafia ft. Lil' Flip - Ridin' Spinners
Mac Dre - Dipped When You See Me
Black Moon ft. Sean Price - Looking Down The Barrel
Baby ft. The Clipse - What Happened To That Boy?
Juvenile - Numb Numb
The Diplomats - Dipset Anthem
Juelz Santana - Dipset (Santana's Town)
Jim Jones ft. A-Mafia - The 'Jects remix
Lil' Boosie - My N*gga Then
Webbie - Porch
Youngbloodz ft. Lil' Jon - Damn!
E-40 ft. Doonie Baby & Turf Talk - Gasoline
Ghostface ft. Jadakiss - Run
Slim Thug & Chamillionaire - Still Tippin'
Mike Jones, Lil' Keke & Paul Wall - I'm A Pimp
Go-Rilla Pimp$ - Pimp Olympics
Bubba Sparxxx - Jimmy Mathis
Foxy Brown ft. Pharrell - Magnetic
The Federation ft. E-40 - Hyphy
Black Rob - Live From The Eastside
Loon - This Ain't Funny
Ludacris ft. Shawnna - Stand Up
KanYe West ft. Consequence - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly
Gang Starr - Sabotage
Blaq Poet - Poet's Comin'
Yukmouth - Stuntastic
Max Minelli - My First Verse
Killer Mike ft. Big Boi & Sleepy Brown - Adidas
Lil' Kim - Came Back For You
Suga Free - Don't Fight The Pimpin'
50 Cent - Many Men
G-Unit - True Loyalty
Havoc ft. 50 Cent & Big Noyd - Bump That remix
Scarface - Dirty Money
Bonecrusher ft. Cam'ron, Jadakiss & Busta Rhymes - Never Scared remix

Actually, fuck Flip Flop Rock entirely, the honourable mention awards go to Tragedy Khadafi's Neva Die Alone Part 2 and Souljas On My Feet by Soulja Slim.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

I feel like Fabio Quagliarella

Let's just take a moment to remember that a Youtube video of Nigel Reo-Coker & Anton Ferdinand doing the Crank That dance in some room with a Michael Jackson Bad poster on the wall is something which actually exists in the real world unlike Oscar Pistorius' burglar or Lil' Pain's fanbase. Insert your own John Terry joke here ~~~~~> _______


Unlike every other footballer to play in the premiership with the possible exception of Mario Balotelli, Nigel Reo-Coker Nostra had pretty good taste in rap, as he proved when he did the Laffy Taffy dance after scoring against Arsenal in a match that lost me £100. Talk about Game Owe Me! Still, I don't even care that big Nige' ruined Laffy Taffy for me in the process because it's 6th best song on the D4L album and everybody knows that Do It Like Me Baby is the track from Down For Life which should have been a single, right?

D4L - Do It Like Me Baby
(From Down For Life album; 2005)


Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Someone made a Spotify playlist out of my 2004 jams list

These rap bloggaz is Hyacinth Bucket, we got the hook-up from Lil-Bucket:



Haven't got Spotify installed on this tablet to currently check what's missing from my list, but you can listen to the playlist HERE!

Also, Genovese finally saw the post where I called him "the rap game Jackie Aprille Jr." Unless Dommy P can broker a peace deal and get the wolves called off, I'm pretty much a dead man.

Monday, 31 March 2014

Generic list post: march 2014

As with january and february, here's a generic vanity list of songs I've been feelin' this past month.

K Camp - Oh No (2014)
YG - She A Model (2008)
YG ft. Kendrick Lamar - Really Be (Smokin' N Drinkin') (2014)
YG ft. RJ, Tee Cee, Charlie Hood, Reem Richards & Slim 400 - When I Was Gone (2014)
Lil' Boosie - Ride Home freestyle part 1 (2014)
S.B.E - I Feel Like (2013)
Young Lox - Legion Of Doom (2014)
Sage The Gemini - Bad Girls (2014)
Sage The Gemini - Don't You (2013)
Ampichino - Drug Lord (2008)
Iggy Azalea ft. Charli XCX - Fancy (2014)
DB Tha General - Execution (2013)
Uncle Murda - Anybody Can Get It (2008)
Uncle Murda ft. Keyz - Same Way (2014)
D-Lo - Choppa Dance (2013)
Max Minelli - Share My Drugs (2014)
Kevin Gates - Movie (2014)
Giftz - Movie (2014)
Speaker Knockerz - Erica Kane (2014)
Mic Terror - N.W.G. (2014)
Mic Terror ft. DJ Gant-Man - Get Off My Dick (2014)
The Lox - New York City (2014)
Lil' Chris of M.I.C - 2 Fake (2014)
TeeFlii ft. 2 Chainz - 24 Hours (2014)

I dunno why K Camp's Oh No isn't blowing up because it's the 2014 Danny Glover for those of us who use rap music to purge our brains of any antisocial impulses which might otherwise spill over into real life (ie. 99.9% of all people who listen to rap music.)

This is the voice of the Rappin' Rons

Bruh, DB just made a song which sounds like the weird incidental music we'd hear whenever The Mysterons appeared in Captain Scarlet. Started seein' spaceships on Brookfield again?

DB Tha General - Say Dat
(From YouTube; 2014)


The Captain Scarlet vibe might even be intentional since DB takes multiple bullets to the chest like it ain't nothin' in Say Dat's video just like Captain Scarlet did during the show's opening credits.

Sunday, 30 March 2014

Reasons why I love YouTube #55

This is the post where I conclusively prove that the Shot-Caller rock remix of It's All About The Benjamins is a top 5 rock song of all time via a clip of Puffy & co performing it live on what looks like an episode of the Keenan Ivory Wayans show. Puff didn't even have to call in Nirvana's 3rd best drummer, Rob Zombie and the other 2 less famous blokes who played on the studio version for this performance to be better than the entire Pitchfork 1997 rock albums list:


The rock remix of Benjamins was never officially released unedited, but some dude on YouTube called Alto9315 has spliced together the explicit acapella from the original version with the rock remix instrumental and come up with THIS. If you see Alto on the internet, salute him.