Scientific goin' beserk like Red Alert

From '86-'88, Def Jam had me on the shelf and wouldn't release any of my music. I went to @kooldjredalert's house in Harlem with #TheRulersBack cassette and asked him to play it on his show. That same evening he spinned it on 98.7 Kiss and the rest was history. The song had the streets on fire and Def Jam quickly had a release date for #TheGreatAdventuresOfSlickRick.

A post shared by Slick Rick The Ruler (@therulernyc) on Jul 24, 2017 at 11:39am PDT

It woz DJ Red Alert wot won it for MC Ricky D.

Generic list post: We Collated The Remix

Remember dem days when rap remixes weren't just superfluous throwaways featuring guest verses from French Montana and Rick Ross? If not, here's the 50 best rap remixes of all time as according to ya host (in no particular order, mind.). All of these remixes are either significantly better than whence they came or significantly different enough from the original to exist as their own entity. None of them were remixed by CJ Wackintosh.

Slick Rick ft. Warren G - Behind Bars (Dum Ditty Dum Mix) (1994)
Ice Cube ft. Das EFX - Check Yo' Self (Remix) (1992)
Snoop Doggy Dogg - Murder Was The Case (Remix) (1994)
KMD ft. MF Grimm - What A N*gga Know (Remix) (1993)
MF DOOM - Dead Bent (LP version) (1999)
UGK - Pocket Full Of Stones (Port Arthur Mix) (1993)
Twista & Legit Ballaz - Tattoo (Remix) (2002)
B.D.P - Remix for "P" Is Free (1987)
Egyptian Lover - Kinky Nation (Kingdom Kum 808 Mix) (2016)
Ultramagnetic MC's - Poppa Large (East Coast Mix) (1991)
Luniz ft. Dru Down etc - I Got 5 On It (Bay Ballas Remix) (1995)
LL Cool J - Jingling Baby (Remixed But Still Jingling) (1990)
OutKast ft. Slick Rick - Da Art Of Storytellin' (Remix) (1998)
AZ ft. Jermaine Dupri - Rock Me (Hey AZ So So Def Remix) (1998)
The Firm ft. Half-A-Mill - Firm Biz (World's Famous Remix) (1997)
HD Of Bearfaced - 40 Glock USA (Remix) (2012)
Craig Mack ft. LL Cool J etc - Flava In Ya Ear (Remix) (1994)
Notorious B.I.G - One More Chance/Stay With Me (1995)
Lil' Kim ft. Lil ' Cease - Crush On You (Remix) (1996)
Bad Boy & Lil' Kim - It's All About the Benjamins (1997)
G-Dep ft. Faith Evans - Everyday (Remix) (2001)
Grand Puba - Issues (Pete Rock Remix) (2002)
Positive K ft. King Of Chill - Step Up Front (3 Heineken Technique) (1988)
Juvenile ft. Wacko & Skip - Nolia Clap (Remix) (2004)
C-Nile ft. Juvenile & Skip - U Know Me (Remix) (2004)
Special Ed - Freaky Flow (DJ Premier Remix) (1996)
M.O.P - Handle Ur Bizness (DJ Premier Remix) (1998)
Mike Jones ft. Slim Thug & Paul Wall - Still Tippin' (2004)
Black Moon - I Got Cha Opin (Beatminerz Remix) (1994)
Mac Dre - Get Stupid (Remix) (2004)
Andre Nickatina & Mac Dre - Cadillac Girl (Remix) (2008)
Lord Finesse ft. Big L - Yes You May (Remix) (1992)
Showbiz & AG - Next Level (DJ Premier Remix) (1995)
Foxx ft. Lil' Boosie & Webbie - Wipe Me Down (Remix) (2007)
Mouse On Tha Track ft. Trill Fam - Turn The Beat Up (2010)
Public Enemy - Shut 'Em Down (Pete Rock Remix) (1991)
Fam-Lay ft. Lil' Flip & Kelis - Rock N' Roll (Remix) (2003)
Mobb Deep ft. Lil' Kim - Quiet Storm (Remix) (1999)
Big K.R.I.T ft. Killa Kyleon & Curren$y - Moon & Stars (Remix) (2010)
ATCQ ft. Kid Hood & LONS - Scenario (Remix) (1992)
Busta Rhymes ft. ODB - Woo-Hah!! Got You All In Check (Remix) (1996)
Jacka ft. Cormega & Rydah J. Clyde - Barney (More Crime Remix) (2005)
Jim Jones ft. A-Mafia - The 'Jects (Remix) (2003)
Max B - Blow Me A Dub (Remix) (2009)
Organized Konfusion ft. Large Professor - Stress (Remix) (1994)
Lil' Chris ft. Tiffini - Bad Lil' Chick (Remix) (2015)
Kool G. Rap & DJ Polo - On The Run (Al Capone Remix) (1993)
Intelligent Hoodlum - Grand Groove (Bonus Mix) (1993)
WNC Whop Bezzy ft. Boosie - U Know I Ain't Scared (Remix) (2016)
Ras Kass - Soul On Ice (Diamond D Remix) (1996)

Planned on turning this one into a YouTube playlist meself until I remembered that the Tattoo remix can only be found on Vimeo. F*ck Atlantic Records for having it removed from the 'Tube, and f*ck them again for only having the clean edit on all digi-stores/streaming services.

On West McNichols born and raised, Lane & Fair Block is where I spent most of my days

Allstar Lee - Fresh Prince Of Brick Mile
(From Fresh Prince Of Brick Mile single; 2017)


Via Tha Barber. File this under ‘song concepts you wish Peedi Crakk had flipped and turned upside down.’ Nonetheless, even that snarky bastard Geoffrey the butler couldn't fault the execution from everyone involved in this one.

What's up with Michigan rappers and the Fresh Prince Of Bel Air then? Remember when Willie The Kid made a song outta Willie The Smith tinkling his wine glass?

R.I.P to Chester Bennington

Loved Maximo Park, me, m8.

But, seriously, Breaking The Habit was a legit jam. It's not a coincidence that the only good Linkin Park song was the one which Mike Shinoda didn't rap on.

Smokin' like runnin' hot water, better yet like runnin' hot lava

Lil' Wayne - Dinnertime
(From Tha Carter 3 sessions; 2008/2017)


T-Pain & Lil' Wayne - Listen To Me
(From T-Wayne sessions; 2009/2017)


Let's talk about how unreleased Wayne songs from 2008/2009 are some of the hottest shit of 2017.

Juan For All, Aux For One

Aux 88 - Electrotechno
(From Electrotechno EP; 1996)


On one hand, it could be argued that Aux 88 were sorta like a Jurassic 5 of Motor City Electro: retro-fetishists plundering a sound that had long since passed into history for their whole M.O. On the other hand, Detroit Electro was a sound which withered and died far too quickly in the '80s, leaving relatively few records for the headz who wanted to transform their Ford Fiestas into Cosmic Cars. Thus, the Aux lads' music felt very necessary when ya host first heard songs like Electrotechno, I Need To Freak and the Take Control remix of Electronic Warfare during their live set at Manchester's Bugged Out club night during the summer of 1996. They performed for a full hour in their trademark Michelin Man bubblegooses on a molten-hot night, and you've gotta respect any group who'll sweat out half their body weight just to maintain their look onstage.

Ironically, Aux 88 ended up being a decade too futuristic for their own good: they came to the UK during Gazza's gymnastics of Euro 1996 when they'd have been far better suited to Peter Crouch's robot-dancing of the 2006 world cup.

Cat Tone part 2

"Bitch, I'm Fat Tone Jr./Stack A Dollar Jr. AKA Cat Tone!"

Yung Cat - OG Stack A Dollar
(From t'internet; 2017)


AKA a near-faithful remake of Fat Tone's OG Stack A Dollar. Prefer this to the O.G song meself because Yung Cat's twitchy goofiness is better suited to the spirit of the track than Fat Tone's hard-nosed champagne foulness.

Previously: Cat Tone.

Why couldn't God have taken the annoying AZN kid from Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom instead of Fresh Kid Ice?

R.I.P to the AZN breh from 2 Live Crew, may a gazillion Lucy Liu lookalikes "nibble on (your) dick like a rat does cheese" for the rest of eternity in Chinaman Heaven. Remember Ice for being the first AZN rapper and the first rapper period to pose with his hand on his nuts for an album cover:

(No shotz @ Jonathan Ke Quan - loved your work in The Goonies, bruv.)

Generic list post: the best of Husalah

Most rap journalists ain't nothin' but models for pigeons on t-shirts, so fair play to David Drake for interviewing Husalah on Noisey. You wack like World Cups if you're not down with Golasoaso, so consider this to the soundtrack to Hus' kicking limitless wisdom to Drake about slaps and science:

Ride 'Til We Die [ft. C-Bo, Mob Figaz & 151] (1998)
Tailor Made [ft. Mob Figaz] (1999)
Die Young [ft. The Jacka & Too $hort] (2001)
Hus G. Rap [ft. Kool G. Rap] (2002)
Hustlin' Ass (2002)
Pigeon On T-Shirt [ft. The Jacka] (2005)
Since '88 (2005)
Hus Hudson Life (2005)
Blind World [ft. The Jacka] (2005)
Sleep With Da Fishes (Boom Clack) (2006)
Murder On My Mind (2006)
Cuttin' It Up [ft. B-Luv] (2006)
Through The Night (2006)
B.I.T.C.H [ft. Dru Down] (2006)
Frozen Heart (2006)
Shock The Place [ft. The Jacka] (2006)
Live Life Illegal (2006)
N*ggas Out There Mine [ft. The Jacka] (2006)
Talk It Out (2007)
Fighting The Feds (2007)
Yea Baby (2007)
Stupid Dumb (2007)
Gear (2007)
That Go [ft. B-Luv] (2008)
On The Streets (2009)
Lord You Know (2009)
Lightweight Jammin' [ft. E-40 & Clyde Carson] (2010)
You Neva Know (2010)
Loyal To The Mob [ft. Mob Figaz] (2011)
Da Mob (2011)
See The Dark (2015)
PS - never forget that this happened:



Somehow the rap game reminds me of the craic game!

Martorial elegance 3:16

Westwood is 59, Post Malone is 21. **Paul Joseph Watson voice** - let that sink in!

A$AP Folky using Stone Cold Steve Austin's entrance theme as his walk-on music at the Wireless festival has gotta be a top 3 most laughable thing he's ever done. That said, his #LifestyleSynergy game is strong on this one since he has form for wearing them Stonewashed Steve Austin Daisy Dukes.

"It's me, Austin! It was me all along, Austin!"

Weekend with Berner

Since it's a brand new year, I got a brand new attitude and a brand new way to listen to an earnest weed farmer/rapper dude - yes, folks, Rey has really got me listening to Berner's solo shit! If 20 Joints is Exhibit A in the prosecution's case against those of us who believe Berner's career shoulda been confined to the 3 Drought Season albums with Jacka, then this eponymous solo slap has gotta be Exhibit A+:

Berner ft. Cait Da Lee - Berner
(From YouTube; 2007/Weekend At Bernies album; 2009)


Who are the other secrete Berner fans on the rap internet? Pipe up now with slap recommendations or forever hold thy fingers.

Big bunda babe in Manchester

Shout out to Arthur Lee, we in this bitch!

It's time to stop arsing about with J Hus remixes of Unforgettable and French Montana remixes of Did You See, and just Soke it to the summer by releasing Good Time as a single already. Shit's the song Mandem Anthem should have been, and, like Lean & Bop and Did You See, it's another killer example of how roadrapafrobeats can go pop without having stars & stripes in its eyes.

J Hus ft. Burna Boy - Good Time
(From Common Sense album; 2017)


This was the song ya host correctly identified as "some proper naughty LL Cool J Hus Afro-Bashment" when I caught it performed live before Common Sense dropped. Damn it feels good when a song lives up to its live debut performance.

All Damn Dre

Everyday is Mac Dre Day here at The Martorialist, but june 5th 2017 woulda been Dre's 47th birfday and even the fairweather fans are celebratin'. What ya favourite Furl slaps, blogga? Mines is these:

Young Black Brotha (1989)
Mac Dre Is Da Name (1989)
California Livin' (ft. Coolio Da Unda Dogg) (1991)
Da Gift To Gab (1991)
All Damn Day (1992)
On My Toes (1992)
Young Playah (1992)
2 The Double R (ft. Coolio Da Unda Dogg) (1993)
The Romp Y'All (1993)
I'm N Motion (1993)
Back 2 My Mission (1997)
Livin' That Life (1997)
Life's A Bitch (1998)
Nothin' Correctable (1998)
Real N*ggaz (1998)
Rapper Gone Bad (1999)
Off Tha Rictor (2000)
Black Buck Rogers (2000)
X.O. & Remi (2000)
So Hard (2001)
Bleezies-N-Heem (2001)
Monday Thru Sunday (2002)
Dipped When You See Me (2003)
The Pain (2003)
Something You Should Know (2003)
Feelin' Myself (2004)
Fa My N*ggaz (2004)
Dreganomics (2004)
Me Damac (2004)
Witme?? (2004)
Since '84 (2004)
She Neva Seen (2004)
Not My Job (2004)
My Alphabets (ft. Suga Free & Rappin' 4-Tay) (2004)
I Feed My Bitch (ft. Keak Da Sneak & B.A) (2004)
California Bear (2004)
Dredio (ft. Mac Mall & E-40) (2005)
Cadillac Girl (Remix) (ft. Andre Nickatina) (2008)
Pawns In The Game (2014)

It's a Don Bradman t'ing

"No doubt about it, hon', I hit from here to China
When I drop that D minor watch me soggy ya vagina"

Grand Puba ft. Kid - A Little Of This
(From 2000 album; 1995)


Very much underrated in the pantheon of Summer Jams™, A Little Of This was "that nu-wave BBQ music, bitch!" long before Where Do I Go. Betcha this is Puba's own favorite single from his catalogue since he got to floss it up somewhere in The Hamptons on Elektra Records' dime for the video with DJ Alamo & Stud Doogie. Ina da wudz, ona da jetskiz, ova da moon that Sylvia Rhone finally stumped up a decent video budget - it's ya boy Grand Goocha!



Kid's harmonising on this shit might be the missing link between Jiggy and Wavy. In a perfect world, every song on 2000 would have featured his dulcet tones smoothing things out.

Generic list post: June 2017

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Juice from Wentworth licked her last pussy, and Prodigy + Grip Plyaz rapped their last verses. Why's it always gotta be the rappers who I like who cark it? And why's EttelThun the only other person on the rap internet wot watches Wentworth?

Mobb Deep - If These Walls Could Talk (2001)
Valee - Seen That Before (2017)
OMB Peezy - Porch (2017)
J-Diggs ft. Young Global & SB Shmack - 2nd Guessin' (2017)
Ricky Smith - Phone System (1991)
Brand New Heavies - I Don't Know Why.. (Kenny Dope Mix) (2006)
8 Bit Universe - XO Tour Llif3 (2017)

Other notables: listened to the new 2 Chainz album and couldn't find anything on there that's even half as good as MFN Right or Diamonds Talkin' Back; listened to the new Young Thug album and was bored by everything on there except Me Or Us; alas If Heaven Had A Cellphone by Bone Thugs & Tank was a better song title than a song; someone needs to tell A-Wax to lay off the Auto-Tune and hop off Atlanta's jock; someone should probably tell T.E.C & Maine Musik the same since their Spider Nation project lacks any kind of regional identity; thankfully Level & Mouse On Tha Track + Jay Lewis popped up with some proper Baton Rouge rap; the WNC lads did the same with Crew Bang, but I only really dig their shtick over Trel Itz A Hit production; wouldn't touch a 2017 Jay-Z album with yours, m8.

Push me to the edge, all my friends are Gadd

8 Bit Universe - XO Tour Llif3
(From Radio 8 Bit, Vol. 2 album; 2017)



Mushroom help the pain, yeah! Finally ya host & other gentlemen of a certain age can enjoy that Lil' Uzi Vert choon without feeling like Ken Kaniff. Joint best cover version of 2017 alongside Yung Cat's OG Stack A Dollar, imho.

King Vulture, Infamous soldier, G-Unit gorilla, R.I.P

Prodigy - Raining Guns & Shanks
(From the Return Of The Mac sessions; 2007)


Night of the living notty heads, rebel soldier without a pause. You not an insurgent, please go home if you don't recognise and realise Raining Guns & Shanks as the G.O.A.T officially-unreleased Prodigy deep cut. Alchemist really shoulda stumped up some of his own Shady/trustfund money to clear that J.B's sample on this one - if The Grunt was good enough for P.E twice on It Takes A Nation Of Millions... then it was good enough for V.I.P once on Return Of The Mac.

Sparty's on the photoshop, tell the rest of the crew. It's funny because of the aforementioned pissed off ravers who really bought Return Of The Mac thinking it was a new album by The Prodigy.

U Bet It Did!

#iBetUWontChallange 1M views. #EverythingOnBlossom🌸🌷🌺 @itslevelbaby @famousamos_sofunny @koo_shotya

A post shared by Mouseonthatrack (@mouse.datme) on Jun 23, 2017 at 8:36pm PDT

Pardon the pun, but you know the viral dance challenge era of rap is a great leveler for all artists when it can propel I Bet U Won't to a million views on YouTube in just over a month. Dat Mega, especially for Mouse.

The proper new Level & Mouse single ain't half bad either. It's not another 5 Star General Jiggalator in the vein of I Bet U Won't and Get It Back, more a soundtrack to Baton Rouge club brawls à la the Going Down G-Mix or GYAB:

Level ft. Mouse On Tha Track & Jay Lewis - #DFWT
(From YouTube; 2017)

Everything's fine but I'm in a 2007 state of mind

"Fell in love with the guwop
Startin' beefin' and fell in love with them glocks
Don't fuck with the cops, but they comin' if you want it or not
I'm just preppin' ya brain for the shit you say you wanna be 'bout"

OMB Peezy - Porch
(From YouTube; 2017)


Yer calender says 2017, but the Lay Down kid just dropped the best lost Bad Azz Mixtape, Vol. 2-era Boosie song innit. Let the record show that Peezy is now 5 for 5 since he started takin' rap seriously: Lay Down, Interracial Relations, When I was Down, Loyalty Over Love (Intro), and Porch here. Livin' the fast life of no duds, droppin' 5 songs in a row and all of 'em are good.

Why couldn't God have taken Sherm The Worm instead of Prodigy?

Tell the bossman real M.O.B.B mavens know the dilly, yo.

There's a war goin' on inside no man is safe from, you can run but you can't hide forever from a dicky immune system. Damn, dunny - you know there's no dignity in death and the universe is just a neverending megacosm of cruel irony when the thun emporer P Dubb goes out like Lord Jamar in OZ. Survival of the fittest, only the vegans survive?

Remember Prodigy for what he brought to the table in numerous fields (music, killer opening lines, proto-#problematicness, menswear, bloggin', epitomizing short-man syndrome, sonnin' Joe Budden, talkin' shit about other rappers on street DVDs, havin' an album sponsored by InfoWars.com), and never forget the time he pissed off ravers who accidentally bought Return Of The Mac thinking it was a new album by The Prodigy.

Whether P has ended up at the Pearly Gates with G.O.D or deep in the Valley of Hinnom where it rains guns & shanks for eternity you can guarantee that King Vulture turned up wearing an XXL Avirex, blowing an ill wind in his enemy's directions. Keep your joints zipped up all times, hands in the pockets all times, it's real in the afterlife.