Monday, 24 September 2018

Hi kids, do you like vegemite?

My mate Chinese John* forced me to listen to that new Eminem album yesterday, and it sounds like a fucking episode of DJ Akademiks' Rap gossip show on ComplexTV being rapped by Spazzy Azalea circa THAT live clip:

Which is apt since the only notable thing about the album was when Eminem spitefully gave The Real Slim Sheila™ half-a-bar. Obviously this was a backhanded compliment to the cocky Caubogan because Eminem knows he has hasn't made a song which slaps as hard as Fancy since The Marshall Mathers LP.

(*Name changed to protect the secret Eminem fan.)

Saturday, 22 September 2018

However livin' better now, bangers about Coogi sweaters now

"Hatin' ass n*ggas they be listenin' to my song mad
The way I raise that glock up you'd think I was the fuckin' dad"

70th Street Carlos - Coogi Fit
(From t'internet; 2018)

Well, Ed O.G did implore black men to Be A Father To Your Child, didn't he? Anyhoo, if Carlos is gonna drop an Atlantafied-sounding song then at least the ATL influence comes from the parping regality of T.I's ASAP.

Friday, 21 September 2018

Born To Audiomack: 2018 Back!

1. BlocBoy JB - No Chorus Pt 11
2. DaBoii of SOB X RBE - Onna Gang
3. Kendrick Lamar & SOB X RBE - Paramedic
4. 70th Street Carlos - Sprite
5. WNC Ram Bam - G Warfare
6. Dru Down ft. Mistah F.A.B - Streets Is Cold
7. Tay-K - After You
8. Husalah - Bad Young Thang
9. Queen Key ft. Dreezy - Ha
10. Maine Musik - Soulja Slim Flow 2
11. Sada Baby & FMB DZ - Planet Of The Apes
12. P-Lo - Same Squad
13. DJ Premier ft. Casanova - Wut U Said???
14. Nef The Pharoah & 03 Greedo ft. ALLBLACK - Ball Out
15. E-40 & B-Legit ft. Stresmatic - Meet The Dealers
16. Rich Blue - Hands Hands
17. Valee ft. Jeremih - Womp Womp
18. Jay Lewis - Scotlandville
19. Level ft. Mouse On Tha Track & Boosie BadAzz - DFWT (Remix)
20. Edan - Real Bad Promo
21. Cash Kidd - Zorbas
22. City Girls - Period (We Live)
23. Mozzy - Who I Am

It's ya host's essential Rap songs of 2018 playlist, updated with legit jams™ by by P-Lo, DJ Premier & Casanova, Edan, Cash Kidd, Sada Baby & FMB DZ, Jay Lewis, and Nef The Pharaoh & 03 Greedo with ALLBLACK. Still missing some songs which nobody's bothered to upload to Audiomack, but steadily racking up like dirty dishes.

In case the 'mack is playing funny buggers here's a direct link to the playlist.

Wednesday, 19 September 2018

No Bounce To The Ounce

This motherfucker Big Choo is literally taunting me by still regularly posting snippets of that song he first teased in february 2017. New term for rappers who constantly preview songs but never drop 'em: Bop-Teases™.

Monday, 17 September 2018

School of Dumb Knocks

Too Hard For Da Fuckin' Radio but not too Xxxtra Mannish for a school talent show: it's 18 year old Mac Dre kickin' edutainment on stage at Hogan High in 1989. Same cazals as the Young Black Brotha EP sleeve, dipped in white like Casper The Furly Ghost, DJ Cee behind the decks orchestrating the boom-slap, a trio of Crestside wenches shakin' it like Hillside rear view mirrors, a couple of Romper Roomers movin' like Vallejo's answer to Scoob & Scrap, and an auditorium of young cuddies & cuddettes doing the '89 equivalent of Goin' Dumb.

... No wonder the Hogan Gospel Choir ended up as bridesmaids on their own turf.

Bonus beats: the 1990 California Livin' demo.

Sunday, 16 September 2018

Finding Dremo

Mac Dre ft. Coolio Da Unda Dogg - California Livin' (demo)
(From the California Livin' recording sessions; 1990)

As Kool G. Rap said it's a demo, specifically the California Livin' demo. As Kool G. Rap also said it's a shame they switched this one up for the California Livin' EP because the beat on this O.G mix is arguably better than the studio version. No facts, just my opinion.

Previously in Mac Dre demo gems: this and this.

Friday, 14 September 2018

Sorta late pass!

P-Lo - Same Squad
(From PRIME album; 2018)

This one's been out for months, but it's only just burrowed its way into my rotation as this year's Bay Area equivalent of With My Team on some Friends Foreverever type shit. Essentially, it's the sorta song Sage The Gemini would have been making in 2018 if he hadn't completely abandoned the slap-anthemo sound of his Gas Pedal EP. Bring back Mac Dre's Rope Tug™ dance 4 this 1.

Wednesday, 12 September 2018

Doug Walkin'

Doug E. Fresh - Guess Who?/Keep Rising To The Top
(From The World's Greatest Entertainer album; 1988)

Etc etc in a cashmere sweater. Was Doug E. Fresh the first Rapper to use the Use Your Music Video To Promote Two Songs For The Price Of One trick when he shot a quick clip of himself onstage at The Rooftop doing The Dougie™ dance to Guess Who? and used it for the intro of the Rising To The Top video? Ya host cannae think of any earlier examples. Either way, it's still the only vintage footage of The Dougie™ dance being performing in its natural habitat of DJ Brucie B's roller rink bacchanal.

Monday, 10 September 2018

Wreck-N-Crew Effect

"You ain't gotta shoot him no more, shit, I know that n*gga wacked
I owe a lot of n*ggas money and they knowin' that they jacked"

70th Street Carlos & WNC Whop Bezzy - Big B's
(From YouTube; 2018)

I woke up on Monday morning and you know I need a zap, and what do I find on the internet but a new Wreck-N-Crew blaatt.

Was gonna suggest that a blaatt should be Baton Rouge's official equivalent of a slap, but then I remembered that the Bay already trademarked Blaaaat! a decade ago.

Sunday, 9 September 2018

Big Audiomack Dynamite

Updated my 70th Street Carlos loosies Audiomack playlist with Over Here and Change On Me. Shit is now 10 songs deep so call it Audiomatic.

Alas, that Close Encounters Of The 'Tard Kind Bleachers track turned out to be a better video than song, so there's no place for it here. Still, fair play to Carlos for the least-convincing death in a music video since the tubby bloke from Portishead caught a hot one in the Sour Times promo.

Friday, 7 September 2018

Late pass!

"Daddy, I'll hoe for you
Run up in the sto' for you
Do what I'm supposed to do
My bottom bitch"

Calvin T - Bottom Bitch
(From YouTube; 2014)

File this under ‘shut ya mouths when middle-aged mack rappers is spittin' game!’

Follow the instruction because without the instruction you're headed for self-destruction: get the underrated slap, don't forget to get the underrated slap, and when you get the underrated slap hip me to the underrated slap! Hat tip to Bishop Donal Juan for puttin' me onto this Calvin T tabernacle of funky uncle JackRabbit Bugzy pimp rap par excellance. Pimpin' ain't dead, it just moved to the web foreal foreal.

Before Mello-T there was Calvin T: hat tip to Fred for hippin' me to that 80's Calvin tabernacle. Same soup, just the O.G recipe.

Monday, 3 September 2018

Och aye the Boo, Jay Lewis kilt it

"You ain't never set up shop, you ain't shoot back at the cops
Bitch, you know you ain't no boss, you ain't never take a loss
You ain't even brush yo' teeth, bitch, you know you never floss"

Jay Lewis - Scotlandville
(From t'internet; 2018)

Boyz-N-The-Hoodcore is back for 2018! The G.Y.A.B kid Jay Lewis caught Rab C. Nesbitt's holy ghost and was like "you see me, Jimmy? You see me? I am bringing back the spirit of Elm Street in your memory!"

Sunday, 2 September 2018

Reasons why I love YouTube: In The Trunk edition

"Put that tooth under my pillow and went on to sleep
And at 5 AM in the morning I was laid up with a freak"

Ah, so this is one of Too $hort & Freddy B's infamous pre-75 Girls Records street tapes which they used to slang outta the trunk around the Bay. 1983 Oakland adventures of super XXX-rhymes about mackin' white freaks and the Tooth Fairy over Spyder D's Smerphies Dance.

Bonus beats: this guy really needs to digimitize his Too $hort and Freddy B street tapes.

Thursday, 30 August 2018

Generic list post: August 2018

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when drama returned.

Mac Dre & DJ Cee - Donkey Ain't Free (1989)
Pete Rock & C.L Smooth - Cool & Calm (1990/2009)
Z-Man - White Girls Wit Ass (1999)
Z-Man - Artistic Violence (1999)
70th Street Carlos - Change On Me (2018)
70th Street Carlos - Over You (2018)
OMB Peezy - Venting Session (2018)
Edan - Real Bad Promo (2018)

Other notables: Boosie's rapping infant daughter is now a teenager who makes the modern equivalent of the music Boosie made during his own teenage years; alas, Nef The Pharaoh's album was too little, too late; hated all of YG's 2018 singles so I didn't even bother with his new album; Jacka's posthumous album with Ampichino is emotional as fuck, but no songs had me rewinding them the way One Sound and and Die Young from Jacka's posthumous album with Berner did.

PS: fave discovery on BigSleep's Genie of The Slap zipfile frenzy was Juice Lee's I'm Juiced.

Sunday, 26 August 2018

I never seen a man misidentified 'til I seen a man die

Equal amounts of FFS & LOL, tbqh.

Does B.E.T's website employ the same subs as The Guardian and The Mail Online?

Thursday, 23 August 2018

Generic list post: What That Mouth Do?

Remember dem dayz when beatboxing wasn't just noise pollution made by busking white lads in peaked beanies or the fifth element of Hip Hop for German #trueskool truthers? Let's cast our minds back to when beatboxing was the backbone of tracks wot banged with a capital B. Thus, the 20 best Make The Music With Your Mouth Rap songs of all time as according to ya author Blog E. Fresh.

Fat Boys - Stick 'Em (1984)
Doug E. Fresh & MC Ricky D - La Di Da Di (1985)
Bad Boys ft. K-Love - Veronica (1985)
Run-DMC - Son Of Byford (1986)
Roxanne Shante ft. Biz Markie - Def Fresh Crew (1986)
Biz Markie - A One Two (1986)
Just-Ice ft. Human DMX - Gangster Of Hip Hop (1986)
Stetsasonic - Faye (1986)
The Skinny Boys - Get Funky (1986)
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince ft. Ready Rock C - Rock The House (1987)
Slick Rick ft. Doug E. Fresh - Treat Her Like A Prostitute (Movie Version) (1988)
MC EZ & Troup - Get Retarded (1988)
Beastie Boys - Get On The Mic (1989)
Vicious ft. Doug E. Fresh - Freaks (1994)
Rahzel - All I Know (1999)
Prince Paul ft. Chubb Rock & Biz Markie - Mr. Large (1999)
Snoop Dogg ft. Lil' Skateboard P - Drop It Like It's Hot (2004)
MF DOOM - Hoe Cakes (2004)
Nas ft. Doug E. Fresh & Ludacris - Virgo (2004)
Husalah - Stupid Dumb (2007)

(Only built 4 SEO hits: best beatbox songs ever.)

Tuesday, 21 August 2018

The Wizard Of Spazz

"I'm fucked up in the head, been like this since an early age
I be clean as a bitch, but I got some dirty ways
Fuck 30 pair of shoes, bitch, I got 30 plays"

70th Street Carlos - Change On Me
(From YouTube; 2018)

Toto, I've got a feeling we're not on 70th Street anymore. This one's a bit different than the teaser snippet suggested innit? To paraphrase The Alliance, I Gotta Get Used To This.

Monday, 20 August 2018

Generic list post: Alas Smith and Choonz

The theory: gangsta rappers have done more to maintain Larry Smith's legacy than the entire grandstanding REAL HIP HOP preservation society. The proof: this list of Legit Slaps™ which sample, beatjack, or interpolate Larry's classic productions for Whodini, Run-D.M.C, and the Fat Boys.

Eazy-E - Boyz-N-The-Hood (1987)
Mac Dre & DJ Cee - Donkey Ain't Free (demo) (1989)
C-Bo - Play 4G (1994)
Spice 1 - Sucka Ass N*ggas (1995)
Dru Down - Can You Feel Me (1996)
Richie Rich - Ruff Neckin' (1996)
Mac Dre ft. Jay Tee & Beesh - Where We Dwell (1996)
Ice Cube & Master P - You Know I'm A Ho (1998)
The Delinquents ft. Too $hort - Are Back (1999)
Dru Down - In Jail (2008)
DB Tha General - Rockin' In My Blues (2010)
Mac Blast - 5 Min. Of Funk (2010)
Ezale - 5 Minutes Of Funktown (2013)
Ezale - Foreal Foreal (2014)
Young Devi D - Ain't No Question (2016)
Street Knowledge - Dru Down Flow (2017)
Yung Cat - Itz Like That (2017)

Discogs blinded me with actual factz: Thomas Dolby produced Whodini's Magic's Wand and then reused the riddim for one of his own B-Sides. Much like 5 Minutes Of Funk, Magic's Wand is another Whodini song ya host prefers as an instrumental.

Saturday, 18 August 2018

Small Tymin'

Nef The Pharaoh really overachieved in 2015, huh? That's the polite way of saying his The Big Chang Theory album is neither good nor bad just lacking any of the spark which made his debut EP + the various loosies surrounding it so good. At least his fellow Sic Wid It signee OMB Peezy's album has one undeniable song; the only real slap Nef has in 2018 is Ball Out from his EP with 03 Greedo which only features 30 seconds of his vocals even though he clearly orchestrated the song.

Nef The Pharaoh & 03 Greedo ft. ALLBLACK - Ball Out
(From Porter 2 Grape EP; 2018)

Neffy got needs wings (no Claire Rayner!) Fly, Nefidelaphante, fly, and tell Mannie Fresh to drop your song with him already.

Wednesday, 15 August 2018

BigSleep presents The Genie Of The Slap: What Would Dre Say?

Claire and her best friend Blair, they square but they come as a pair. Here at The Martorilast, however, we're all about quinarys, which is why our fellow Mac Dre afficionado TheBigSleep came through with 5 zipfiles full of jams from the post-Dre slapmosphere. A quarter of these he found via ya host's turf, and the rest are his own favourites. We're entering your home via Firefox/Safari/IE/Chrome, and you ain't gonna bust a grape in Napa Valley with golf shoes on.






Monday, 13 August 2018

Becky With The Good Arse™

Why couldn't the pirate's wife sit down?
Because someone stole her booty.

Z-Man started from the bottom and set up shop there to write an shambolically lo-fi ode to back-beauty snowbunnies with derrières like 2 planets in a handkerchief. Lord Jamar wouldn't approve of a milk-shark anthem like White Girls Wit Ass, but there's nowt wrong with Z-Man wanting to put a bit of colour into a CAC bird's cheeks if she's looking a bit pale where the sun don't shine. The best song on 4 Hours Of Sleep because it doesn't hit a single bum note.

Z-Man - White Girls Wit Ass
(From 4 Hours Of Sleep album; 1999)

Here at The Martorialist we're definitely on the P.A.W.G Righteous Teachers tip, but we'd also like to send a fat shout out to all the white girls with no Batty like Leeds United post-2004. You know who else deserves a fat shout out? Z-Man for being the first Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain truther in Rap. Don't get shit twisted like Fieldy's dreadlocks, though - EL DUCE INNOCENT!!!! It woz Michael DeWitt & Jessica Hopper wot done it (allegedly.)

Friday, 10 August 2018

Peez off

"Don't like the cards you was dealt, no givin' 'em back"

OMB Peezy - Venting Session
(From Loyalty Over Love album; 2018)

Grand mission statement to open OMB Peezy's debut album, eh? What a pity the LP takes a Sum 41 nosedive in quality after it. Granted, a couple of Loyalty Over Love's issues are personal gripes (he wants to be the new Kevin Gates; I want him to be the old Boosie with a soupcon of NorCal mobbishness), but the album's more general problems are genuine failings: gratuitous Auto-Tune smoothing out all Peezy's pan-regional rough edges, not enough trademark Sick Wid It slap in the production, and none of his best songs are present. How you gonna call your album Loyalty Over Love and then not even put the title track on there?

"Put a tag on your head like a cow"

OMB Peezy - Loyalty Over Love (Intro)
(From t'internet; 2017)

In hindsight, it was obvious Peezy's album would turn out be a bodge-job from the moment Lay Down and When I Was Down were remixed for their official release on 300 Entertainment. Overkill Peezy? More like awful A&Ring killed Peezy amirite.

Thursday, 9 August 2018

I wear my stunna shades all life

Things that make you go "hmmmmm": Fabo was the only member of D4L who wasn't wearing sunglasses on the cover of their album, yet he's never been seen without his trademark shades ever since.

Remember when Fabo tried to bring Romo to the ghetto by doing a song over Yazoo's Situation? Bet Simon Price never played that one at Stay Beautiful.

Tuesday, 7 August 2018


Halleluhwah! Some anonymous soul came through my comments with the MP3 of that new Edan song with the CAN sample that you had to be a streetwear influencer on Instagram to cop the 7" of. I'm So Green no more.
Internet democracy - 1, raer vinylz kulcha - 0.

Edan - Real Bad Promo
(From that corny raer 7"; 2018)

Lacking in the humour of my favourite Edan songs, Real Bad Promo gets away with it because it's kinda like what might have happened if Rakim had recorded a song for Top Shelf 8/8/88.