Saturday, 28 March 2020

Dirt don't hurt

"Yeah, I like the Jags, but the Hellcat faster
In the past I woulda sent you to a pastor"

Capolow - Mud
(From Sandman album; 2020)

Saturday night in lockdown and I'm lost down YouTube rabbit hole of slaps by the thuggish ruggish one from Trill Youngins. Come to the conclusion that Mud is his best song because it's the cheapest nastiest song he's ever recorded

Monday, 23 March 2020

Late pass! I'm a basic bastid when it comes to old ATL

Young Jeezy ft. Mykel - That's What's Up
(From Come Shop Wit Me album; 2003)

Ghetto Mafia - In Deacatur
(From On Da Grind album; 1998)

**Jeezy voice** Now I ain't tryna be funny but how'm I respect y'all when none of y'all told me that the best early Jeezy song is a homage to the best late Ghetto Mafia single? Git up, git out and do somethin'? Not in a pandemic, m8 - I'm gonna stay in and git up on the lesser known architects of Cadillac Muzik™/pioneers of Real Trap Shit™ instead.

Friday, 20 March 2020

Born To Audiomack: Because I'm Housin'

Shouts to Corona and I'm in with the quickness! When BlocBoy JB said "party in my house, turn into a club" last year, he couldn't have ever imagined how different the sentiment would hit in 2020. Dem dayz of being in the house like LL are over - this is now the era of being in the house like British InfoWars hermit PJW. Home is where the party is at, so here's a playlist of some recent-ish songs that are turnin' my house into a club right now. Corona's got us in the house, throw ya hands up!

~~ The Martorialist presents Because I'm Housin' ~~
Pronto Spazzout - Jiggy Music (2019)
Mic Terror - Head In The Morning (2019)
Eatem - Spent It All (2019)
Yhung T.O - You Know (2019)
Mozzy - Big Homie From The Hood (2019)
A-Mafia - Wunn (2019)
Casanova - Jail Call (2019)
Duke Deuce - Bad News (2020)
Nef The Pharaoh - ABC (2020)
Boldy James & The Alchemist - Speed Demon Freestyle (2020)
FMB DZ ft. Sada Baby - Dripple Dragons (2020)
Rio Da Yung OG - Take A Day (2020)
J Hus ft. Burna Boy - Play Play (2020)
79rs Gang - 79rs Bout To Blow (2020)
Max B - Phenomenon (2020)

Tuesday, 17 March 2020

Humanity Strikes Back!

"Ima chill at the crib cuz I’m safe here
I ain’t even bouta drink me a Corona beer
Ima bouta stay at the crib for about a year
And I ain’t coming back out til this shit clear
I done bought me a mask and a lot gloves
And I still feel like that’s not enough
I ain’t shaking no hands, I don’t wanna hug
Make sure you wash yo' hands with a lot of love"

Gmac Cash - Coronavirus
(From YouTube; 2020)

Hands on the sanitizer pump, we ain't goin' out like that. It's Gunplay over Future all day, everyday: Mask On and you might see 2021, Mask Off and ya ass might get the cough.

Previously: All the homeboys with coronavirus be quiet!!!!

Sunday, 15 March 2020

All the homeboys with coronavirus be quiet!!!!

I sit alone in my 4 cornered bathroom staring at Andrex...
Oh this shit is on?
Lemme flip some shit like this here, real sick

At night I can't sleep, I toss and turn
Sick people in the park, public surfaces covered in germs
4 walls just starin' at a blogga, I'm paranoid sleepin' with my hand on the sanitizer
My mother's always stressin' I ain't livin' right
But I ain't goin' out without wet wipes
See, every time my eyes close
I start sweatin', worried I might get a sore throat
It's like some shit that's worse than SARS
But I don't know what it is, so I wanna Move To Mars
I can't see Covid-19 because it's deep undercover
When I wake all I hear about is the motherfucker
This shit is like a black plague of our own
Black, white, brown, or yellow ya ass is gettin' owned
Some might say "take a chill, B"
But f*ck that shit, there's a virus tryna kill me!

Son, I'm shook. My country voted for Brexit only for some foreign Chinese muck to come over here and take all our British germ's jobs. Covid-19 ain't no joke, it might leave ya elderly relatives smoked. Catch me tryna duck corona, off the corner, far away from Daytona or Arizona, workin' remotely on the celly phone-ah. But you crazy like that that glue to think that I ain't gonna drop a list that's sick like the Kung-Flu:

Cardi B - Bodak Yellow (2017)
Lil B - Wonton Soup (2010)
The Beatnuts - Corona Kings (2002)
Gucci Mane - Bird Flu (2007)
Gucci Mane - 16 Fever (2007)
Run-D.M.C - You Be Illin' (1986)
Brotha Lynch Hung ft. Sicx - Season of da Siccness (1995)
Mistah F.A.B ft. Turf Talk & E-40 - Super Wic Wit It (2005)
De La Soul - A Little Bit Of Soap (1989)
B.G. - Keep Yo Hands To Yourself (2007)
MC Hammer - U Can't Touch This (1990)
Cam'Ron - Wet Wipes (2006)
Foxx ft. Boosie & Webbie - Wipe Me Down (Remix) (2007)
Heltah Skeltah ft. Buckshot - Operation Lockdown (1996)
Organized Konfusion - Stress (1994)
Organized Konfusion - The Extinction Agenda (1994)

Will the playlist end on MF DOOM's Doomsday or Kendrick Lamar's Alright? Like Ed Koch said in Style Wars, time will tell.

Thursday, 12 March 2020

Alphabetic Violence

Nef The Pharaoh - ABC
(From ABC single; 2020)

Do U know your alphabets, young G? A, B, let's C. So, as I was sayin', Nef The Pharaoh's slappification of Spellbound is the most fun fing he's dropped in a while. Personal highlight has gotta be the unexpected shout out to Oakland's underground smutty oddball Z-Man - there's plenty of time to learn them ABC's when you're operating on 4 hours of sleep and that's word to O.J.

Z-Man - Artistic Violence
(From 4 Hours Of Sleep album; 1999)

Wednesday, 11 March 2020

Slangin' humble pie and St. Ides in the same sentence

Eatem ft. Lil' Larry - Hit Da Drank Twice
(From the internet; 2019/YouTube; 2020)

Soz to Lil' Larry for editing him outta Hit Da Drank Twice when the song first dropped last year. The video gives life to Larry's verse, and he's earned his guest spot here with his dancing-sidekick performance in the Spent It All video. As for the song, it's still the Baton Rouge Brawl Music™ equivalent of Drink Away The Pain.

What's ya fave mixed shot, lads? I'm rather partial to Kraken & Amaretto meself.

Monday, 9 March 2020

Wuhan!! Got You All In Check

Dr. Octagon - Bear Witness
(From Dr. Octagonecologyst album; 1996)

Man, DJ Q-Bert went all out like an emergency exit on this shit. Forget wanky 90s turntablism, Bear Witness was the best instrumental cut-up track since Tuff Crew's Behold The Detonator. Being that Automator did the beats and Q-Bert did the scratches, Bear Witness was the first great 100% AZN Rap song - probably the last too since Jackie Chain ain't produce his own shit and has now retired to literal greener pastures as a weed-farmer.

Sunday, 8 March 2020

His name is Rio and he dances with the bands

"I threw some water on his shirt, he had a f*ckin' wire
Bought a zip of soft for 800 and let my uncle try it
He said 'straight drop'
I knew the shit hadta be good I seen his face drop
It's 75 on a strap but he dropped 8 shots
I knew somebody got hit I heard the 'K stop"

Rio Da Yung OG - Take A Day
(From YouTube; 2020)

Shout out to Duran Duran, we in this bitch! Like Pink Chardonnay says, this one is a slight change of pace - a slight change of pace that's more to my taste, tbh.

Tuesday, 3 March 2020

Agallah The Don Beckham

Sum shit I recently found out: Agallah's proto-Wavy mixtape classic Gangster debuted on this Bork-released 12" in 2002 under the title of Gangsta 4 My Homies. Handy to know if, like me, you still think all your fave Rap songs deserve to exist on 12" backed with an obligatory instrumental version.

Agallah - Gangster
(From Imagine Your Life 12"; 2002/Doomsday mixtape; 2004)

One of my favourite things about Gangster is that you can use it to play 6 degrees of separation with Agallah and Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham: Gangster appeared on Kay Slay's Diplomats Volume 4 mixtape next to M.O.P's That Simple AKA the track which would later become the Posh Spice & Mash Out Posse collaboration after Dame Dash tried to sign her to Roc-A-Fella. Dame, you a fool for that one!

Dame, you also a fool for the Posh Spice & Jim Jones song!

Sunday, 1 March 2020


Max B - Phenomenon
(From Wave Pack compilation; 2020)

Plot twist: just when I'd given up on Max B makin' any new fly shit he reconnects with Dame Grease and that old nu-wave BBQ music magic reappears. In fact, I'd swear this was an unreleased joint from 2009 if it weren't for the mentions of Arianna Grande's flat bum and the UK's premier Drill Rapper 21 Savage. Something like a phenomenon, Liverpool's run is dead but the Wave's alive.

Alongside A-Mafia's Wunn, this is the 2nd Legit Jam™ by a Dipset affiliate to mention Harry Belafonte in the space of 4 months. It's a new Day-O for the Purple City (jail)Byrdgang?

Saturday, 29 February 2020

Generic list post: February 2020

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month of thee grandest Fury since Lyrics Of Fury. All the G.O.A.T British sportsmen are somehow #problematic: Tyson Fury, Eric Bristow, Geoffrey Boycott, Sol Campbell.

DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - A Nightmare On My Street (video) (1988/2018)
Duke Deuce - Bad News (2020)
79rs Gang - 79rs Bout To Blow (2020)
Boldy James & The Alchemist - Pinto (2020)
RichCityD - All Eyez On Me (2020)
Tailor Made - Fast Lane (instrumental) (1985)
Archers Of Loaf - Raleigh Days (2020)

Other notables: can't decide whether the video for Casanova's Knock Knock makes me give DJ Akademiks a smidgen of grudging respect or makes me loathe him even more; Nef The Pharaoh's ABC is the most fun song I've heard by him in a while; I'm looking at the tracklist of this new posthumous Jacka album with trepidation - can't I just have a properly mastered MP3 of Heavy Rain instead?

Bonus beats: 2010 nostalgia session.

Tuesday, 25 February 2020

Bounce (For The Juracán)

79rs Gang - 79rs Bout To Blow
(From YouTube; 2020)

Injun rain-dance Alpoko Bounce? Divine, darrrrrling. Big Chief Jermaine from the 7th Ward, Big Chief Romeo from the 9th Ward & their band of native shamans summon up ancient Bayou spirits of Juvenile and Lil' Slim. Don't get it twisted, though - any ponce who tries to tie this into "Hauntology" will curse themselves to spend eternity tormented by Mark Fisher's weird voice.

Saturday, 22 February 2020

Chief Queef: Make The Music With Your Mouth, Duke

Duke Deuce - Fat Mac
(From Memphis Massacre 2 mixtape; 2020)

Ladeez & germz, it's 2020's first song to feature a fat Rapper doing fanny-fart noises, and when I say fanny I ain't talkin' in the American sense, boiiiiii. Fair play, the Yeh guy ain't half bad at Project Mack-core here.

Duke Deuce - Bad News
(From Memphis Massacre 2 mixtape; 2020)

Another thing the Yeh guy ain't half bad at: condensing Big Memphis Energy down into placid Valee exoticness. It's nonchalant but still hardbody as f*ck.

Tuesday, 18 February 2020

And you gotta watch Tommy because Tommy be schemin'

Coolio - Aw Here It Goes (Kenan & Kel extended Theme)
(From TV show; 1996/Fantastic Voyage: The Greatest Hits album; 2001)

Following on from the last post, it also blows my mind that Tommy Boy never released Coolio's full Kenan & Kel theme as a single. Granted, it featured a buncha lyrics recycled from 1,2,3,4 (Sumpin' New), but it jammed way harder than that song so who cares? Plus, Tommy Boy CEO/Mountain Climber Who Plays An Electric Guitar™ Tom Silverman was hardly shy of releasing a plethora of singles in the hope one would stick, was he?

Never forget the Coolio vs. Tina Malone beef in Celebrity Big Brother.

Saturday, 15 February 2020

The Fresh Prince Of Bellend A&Rs

DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air (full version)
(From the TV show; 1990/Jazzy Jeff & Fresh Prince Greatest Hits album; 1998)

The biggest mistake Them crackers at Jive™ made wasn't continually delaying The Clipse's Hell Hath No Fury, it was not releasing the full Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air theme as a single back in 1990/1991. A no-brainer global hit in waiting, that shit coulda been as big as Summertime and made the world a more fun place in the process. Instead Jive came up with the bizarre decision to only release it as a Netherlands-exclusive and not even in its original form. Whichever A&R came up with that idea should have been fired - into space.

Thursday, 13 February 2020

Ten Four, we have an AZN droppin' N Bombs!

"All eyez on me, freaky hoes up in the backseat
Hurt the block how I run them backstreets
Gotta keep a 40 in case he try to clap me
And when it get to bustin' turn you n*ggas into athletes"

RichCityD - All Eyez On Me
(From Thizzler's YouTube channel; 2020)

I love the sound of random slaps in the morning. Come for the #problematic AZN, stay for the Happy Perez chords and haunted house synths.

Sunday, 9 February 2020

Generic list post: can you believe 2010 was a decade ago?

Yes I can/no I can't because 2010 simultaneously feels like a lifetime ago and five minutes ago. Very much an annus horribilis for anthems because some of the worst big Rap choonz of the decade dropped in 2010: Eminem's Not Afraid, Drake's Over, Young Money's Bedrock, Nicki Minaj's Super Bass, and KanYe West's Power. Tbf, 2010 wasn't quite as much of a lost wasteland as 2009 but so many of the songs in this list deserved better fates. Thus, 30 faves from the year of Gudda Gudda's Grocery Bag™ punchline:

Young Dro - Freeze Me
Beeda Weeda - Bassrock Babies (O.G version)
Rick Ross ft. Styles P - B.M.F (Blowin' Money Fast)
Sean Price - Figure Four
Lil' Boosie - Top To The Bottom
Webbie - My People
Mouse On Tha Track ft. Trill Fam - Turn The Beat Up
Curren$y - Michael Knight
Wiz Khalifa - The Kid Frankie
Dru Down ft. The Jacka - Hello Hello Hello
A-Mafia - 1000 Grams
Lil B - Good Morning
Young L - Young L-E-N
Grip Plyaz ft. Slick Pulla - Stuntman Mike
Roc Marciano - Ridin' Around
E-40 ft. Clyde Carson & Husalah - Lightweight Jammin'
Gucci Mane - Normal
Waka Flocka Flame ft. Kebo Gotti - Grove St. Party
$tarlito - Alright
AZ - The Calm
NhT Boyz ft. The Jacka - U Ain't From
YG ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Toot It And Boot It
HBK Gang - She Ready
Travis Porter - Make It Rain
French Montana ft. Curren$y - So High
Young Jeezy ft. Yo Gotti - All White Everything
Keak Da Sneak & DJ Fresh - Maxi Pads
Max Minelli - Louisiana Sky
Treal Lee & Prince Rick - Throwed Off (F*ck Everybody)
Mic Terror - My Bitch Tonight

Bonus beats: nostalgia lists for 1990 and 2000.

Sunday, 2 February 2020

Yo home to Nightmare!

DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - A Nightmare On My Street
(From He's The DJ, I'm The Rapper album; 1988/YouTube; 2018)

Damn, nobody told me that the banned A Nightmare On My Street video finally turned up online in 2018. Banned because New Line Cinema had it pulled from circulation in 1988 to use The Fat Boys' Are You Ready For Freddy? as a promotional tie-in for the 4th A Nightmare on Elm Street movie instead. Lord knows why because the Fat Boys song was shite, and there couldn't have been any tricky image rights issues to negotiate when the Freddy of Jeff & Will's Street looked nowt like the Freddy of Elm Street. One, two, Freddy's evil Muppet Billy Idol's coming for you...

Let's be honest here, this video resurfacing and Jimmy Wopo's two Elm Street songs were the only notable things Freddy's Franchise™ produced last decade.

Rap music - three, New Line Cinema - nil.

Thursday, 30 January 2020

Generic list post: January 2020

"Alright Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my onion."

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Anthony "The Needledrip" Fantano earned himself a 2020 Oscar nomination.

Intelligent Hoodlum - The Rebel Returns (1989/2019)
Field Mob - At The Park (2006)
Pronto Spazzout - Jiggy Music (2019)
Casanova - Jail Call (2019)
Eatem - Wat's Wrong Wit' Em (2020)
FMB DZ ft. Sada Baby - Dripple Dragons (2020)
Boldy James & Alchemist - Speed Demon Freestyle (2020)
J Hus ft. Burna Boy - Play Play (2020)

Other notables: of course BlocBoy JB flipped Still Tippin' into Still Crippin'; Foxx should hop on WNC Whop Bezzy's Bout A Week because it currently sounds unfinished.

Bonus beats: nostalgia lists for 1990 and 2000.

Monday, 27 January 2020

Late pass!

"I'm at the park tryna holla at every girl
The paint on the Chevy drippin' like a Jheri Curl"

Field Mob - At The Park
(From Light Poles and Pine Trees album; 2006)

Somebody in my comments recently suggested this is the G.O.A.T Field Mob song. I wouldn't quite go that far, but still everything's real in the Field because shit is a jam 4 real. It's kinda like Field Mob doing a KanYe West song and yet that's somehow not a bad thing in this instance.

Why'd nobody skool me on this song before? And how was it not a single?

Friday, 24 January 2020

Dem Bow meets Dem Gal

"I had to link a cougar with the Luger
But the next time I'll bring her the big bazooka"

J Hus ft. Burna Boy - Play Play
(From Big Conspiracy album; 2020)

J Hus wasn't lying when he said he played for the Gunners, eh? Ain't gonna lie, though, ya host wasn't expecting Hus & Burna Boy's latest collaboration to be the Afro Bashment equivalent of Giggs' Monsta Man. Instant anthem, albeit an instant anthem which summer 2019 was gaggin' for.

Hate to be a contrarian h8er boi but this new J Hus album ain't a patch on Common Sense. Maybe I'm being too picky? Alternatively, maybe you ain't being picky enough?

Wednesday, 22 January 2020

Grandmaster Spazz

"Like Kemo I get dippy if that scenery too iffy
But they know whassup, my brothers notorious like Biggie
Wig slippin, boy you trippin', I wouldn't leave the hoe with a hickey
You be hoppin' dick to dick, bitch, I wouldn't even let you kiss me"

Pronto Spazzout - Jiggy Music
(From Spazzin' Out Part 1 mixtape; 2019)

Cold, grey January is always a good time to catch up on songs from the previous year innit? So cheers to The Boxxx Report for puttin' me onto this Pronto Spazzout song which is currently buzzing in Chicago. Its USP: a bolt of energy that's kinda like a Lil' Herb song ghostwritten by Jimmy Wopo.

Pronto Spazzout - the only Rap moniker which would also work as the name for a Grindcore band?

Sunday, 19 January 2020

Generic list post: can you believe 2000 was 20 years ago?

"THERE'S ONLY FIVE YEARS LEFT!" bellowed Busta Rhymes on Everything Remains Raw. Then we all finally got to party like it's 1999, the clock struck midnight, and... ain't a damn thing changed. This was particularly true in Rap because half the biggest anthems of 2000 were released in 1999: Black Rob's Whoa, Method Man & Redman's Y.O.U, Dr. Dre's The Next Episode, Crooklyn Clan's Be Faithful, Jay-Z & UGK's Big Pimpin', DMX's What's My Name and Party Up (Up In Here), Juvenile's U Understand, and Nelly's Country Grammar (Hot Shit).

All of which is a fancy way of reminding all y'all that I dropped a 1999 list last year, and now I'm postin' a 2000 list as a sequel to my recent 1990 list. The 35 best Rap songs of 2000 as according to me.

OutKast ft. Sleepy Brown - So Fresh, So Clean
Ghostface Killah - Saturday Night
Kool G. Rap ft. RZA - Cakes
Mac Dre - Off Tha Rictor
Prodigy - Keep It Thoro
8Ball & MJG - Pimp Hard
M.O.P - Roll Call
DJ Quik - Pitch In On A Party
Shyne ft. Barrington Levy - Bad Boyz
Black Rob ft. G-Dep - B.R.
Three 6 Mafia ft. UGK & Project Pat - Sippin' On Some Syrup
Project Pat - Gorilla Pimp
Cocoa Brovaz - Super Brooklyn
Nelly ft. City Spud - Ride Wit Me
SPM ft. Baby Beesh - Oh My My
Big L Flamboyant
Cam'Ron ft. Prodigy - Losin' Weight
Mystikal - Big Truck Boys
Bumpy Knuckles - Industry Shakedown
Trick Daddy ft. Trina, Deuce Poppito & Co - Shut Up
Trina - Pull Over
De La Soul ft. Redman - Oooh
Big Tymers - Get Your Roll On
Mad Skillz - Ghost Writer
Snoop Dogg ft. Kokane & Suga Free - Bring It On
C-Murder ft. Magic & Snoop Dogg - Down For My N*ggaz
Big Pun - N*gga Shit
K-Rino ft. DJ Screw - Why Ya Wanna Hate?
Beanie Sigel - The Truth
Field Mob - Project Dreamz
AZ - I Don't Give A F*ck
Ruff Ryders ft. Snoop Dogg, Yung Wun, Scarface & Jadakiss - World War III
Jakki Tha Motamouth ft. Copywrite - Widespread
Ludacris - Southern Hospitality

Note: if people can dance to songs by/featuring a serial groomer like Drake then I can stan for SPM's one legit 5/5 song.

Thursday, 16 January 2020

What's a goon to a gobbling?

Mic Terror - Head In The Morning
(From Tall, Dark, & Gangster EP; 2019/YouTube; 2020)

Hooray - my favourite song from Mic Terror's last EP now has a video. Hip hip hooray - the video lives up to Mic's "I love a pretty face, fat ass, and huge boobs" lyric.

It's a brand new decade, we need brand new attitudes, and brand new ways to stop superfluous dudes from turning every Rap video into a sausagefest. In with Eye Candy 4 The Lads, out with neighbourhood goons mean-muggin' the camera! Sing along with me, folks:


Monday, 13 January 2020

Rebel without a boutique raer vinylz release

"Mic manipulator mutilating MC's
Narrator-navigator of the seven seas"

Tragedy AKA Intelligent Hoodlum - The Rebel Returns
(From Marley Marl sessions; 1989/the internet; 2019)

There was me thinkin' I knew all the unreleased 1989 Intelligent Hoodlum tracks via old Westwood shows and those two EP's on DWG Records. Then I came across this sequel to The Rebel and was like "how have I never heard this before?" Turns out Westwood did play this in 1989, someone upped the audio of that to the internet in 2016, and someone else finally tracked down the test press 12" last year and ripped it. A smattering of lyrics on this one date back to the 1987 Super Kids era. Otherwise, it's sick-scientific Tragedy mispronouncing the Tasmanian Devil over a twangy loop of Cissy Strut.