Thursday, 23 October 2014

Jacoby's ladder

Yo, I love when bloggers think they bigger than a sumo, that's when I hit 'em with a little Puerto Rican judo: oh, jou don't know Warriors by Papa Roach & Royce Da 5'9 is the best thing the latter has been involved in since Shake This? And jou don't know that it's also the first good rawk song since Linkin Park's Breaking The Habit? And jou don't know Jacoby Shaddix kicked the fat ethnic drummer out of Papa Roach because he's a racist? And jou don't know Papa Roach somehow didn't turn out to be nonces after Ian Watkins-gate even though the Last Resort video is a Mickey Mars Bar's wank-fantasy clip?

Papa Roach ft. Royce Da 5'9 - Warriors
(From the internet; 2014)

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Note to rappers

If you're gonna make a song about a topic as boring as smoking weed, make sure you sound like you've just smoked crack on it. Case in point:

T.I ft. Boosie - Jet Fuel
(From T.I.'s Paperwork album; 2014)


Is it safe to conclude that the old Boosie is officially back after Crazy, his verse on Beat Up The Block, and his cameo here?

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Thank You, Summer Baysed God

Been curious to hear Puffy Dee's Joe Blow ever since Aaron Fuchs told Robbie Unkut it was his favourite deep cut in the Tuff City catalogue and offered up the alluring nugget of information that Puffy was a sassy white girl who lived in Harlem and got busy over a sparse mid '80s Pumpkin production for the song. Joe Mangel, whaddaya know, Robbie recently came across a copy of the 12", ripped it and has just posted it for the good of all humanity:

"He's so full of baloney they should call him Oscar Mayer
But they call him Joe Blow, the ultimate liar"


Puffy Dee - Joe Blow
(From Young, Single And Free 12"; 1985)


To answer EttelThun's question whether Puffy Dee was the O.G Iggy Azalea, I would say, sorta, yeah, since Joe Blow is to Spoonie Gee's Get Off My Tip as Fancy is to Function. In a broader historical context, Puffy is the missing link between Debbie Harry on Rapture and Tarrie B, Joe Blow anticipated No Scrubs by 14 years, and the song knocks at least twice as hard as 1985's most celebrated drum machine Female Rap™ record. Fuchs woz right, so God only knows why he put this on the 12"'s B side.

BTW, has anybody ever discussed Duke Bootee & Masterdon Committee's outright jack of Get Off My Tip? How did Spoonie ever let them get away with that when he was sho shenshitive about people biting him?

Monday, 20 October 2014

Is Jacka gettin' royalties for this?

"Down for the Count like Dracula's people
Raise Allah, praise Allah 'cause he's our hero"



On the Bay related tip, Too $hort's last single has just been blessed with a video which takes the song's concept of 19,999 bitches very much literally. Animated vidz are the future for ageing Oakland rappers because they're a spiritual throwback to the Phunky Phat Graph-X era, and because it's now more dignified to see someone like $hort as a cartoon dog than it is to see him as a chubby middle-aged man with a grey beard making rap hands on someone's porch in front of a bunch of shirtless lads & scantily-clad lasses half his age:

Too $hort - 19,999
(From YouTube; 2014)

Sunday, 19 October 2014

Reasons why I love YouTube # 62

Because the video for Newcleus' Jam On It is now on there in high quality. It's not quite pixel-perfect HD, but you can now appreciate the texture of Cozmo D's bowler hat if you're ever considering writing a think piece about how Cozmo was on that Mr Benn shit a good decade before Master P, 2Pac, or Nate D-o-double-g:

Newcleus - Jam On It
(From Jam On Revenge album; 1984)


Not tryna blow anyone's spot here, but there's a dutty little rumour floating around that Cozmo was the one who ordered the hit on 2pac in revenge for 'Pac jacking his trademark studded leather chest-belts look for the All Eyez On Me cover photo shoot. I never seen a man die 'til I seen a man nick another man's S&M slave swag on the sly:

Friday, 17 October 2014

Why is this not on Game's shite new album?

Game & Problem are now a couple of songs away from being the west coast normcore-rap Young Thug & Rich Homie Quan, and the Alpoko Don-type device this latest single uses for its hook actually predated Pushaz Ink's Thank God by a month or so, which might explain why Problem was throwing so many shots at YG & DJ Mustard earlier this year after the release of My Krazy Life?

The Game ft. Problem, Bad Lucc & Huddy - T.H.O.T
(From the internet; 2014)


Not as good as Or Nah or You Playin' (This Could Be Us) as far as Game & Problem collaborations go, but it does contain the best Gerald Levert reference in a rap song since DJ Quik's Jupiter's Critic & The Mind Of Mars; why doesn't more more rap sound like Egyptian Lover trapped inside Freddy's video game dream sequence from Nightmare On Elm Street 6?

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Brief thoughts on Pussy Overrated by Wiz Khalifa & Future


FOH, Suga Free is the only rapper who could ever make a convincing song with that title.


Unrelated note: 2$hootie Wild is now dropping UKG classix over on Gurl U Trippin' after threatening to set the GRIME IS NOT RAP Police on ya boy. Plz believe Dissensus posters will be going home in their socks and grundies if we spot them on our turf.

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Operation YOUtree


Meme-inspired Ratchet & Bullshit with explicit nods to Newcleus and Suga Free is something that feels like it was put together in a laboratory purely to appeal to my most feckless instincts. This wasn't something I was expecting to type, but I LIKE WHAT I LIKE: the combination of Eric Bellinger, Game & Problem over '80s synth-rap classics are now two for two in 2014.

"As soon as I smash, I'm on the gas
The man in the mirror, I'm smashin' through the glass"


Jae Murphy ft. Game, Eric Bellinger & Problem - You Playin' (This Could Be Us)
(From You Playin' (This Could Be Us) single; 2014)


Was gonna suggest that Eric Bellinger has the best batting average of any mercenary Ratchet & Bullshit sanger this year before I remembered his vocals on Marcus Moody's Juve sound like they've been Pro-Toolsed in by accident from another song entirely. Is Juve in any way noteworthy other than its novelty-factor of being another Mustard-produced 2014 rap radio minor-hit by a Californian rapper that interpolates something from the 400 Degreez track list? Moreover, where's the love for Solja Rags?

Monday, 13 October 2014

Blogger blood

Thanx to future A-Wax biographer Rey for the tip off about Wax's Throwaways project. Not sure whether Bundle was a dry-run for Trust Issues or a more humourous further exploration of its theme, but it's my favourite cut on Throwaways and it really should have made the Pullin' Strings track list instead of Trap Dere. On my blog, if I'm lying may every post I love die tonight. How about that?

"She don't love me, thinks I'm ugly
Saw me in the club, threw a drink on my rugby"


A-Wax - Bundle
(From Throwaways; 2014)


Sunday, 12 October 2014

A Legit Ballaz compilation 4 u

Might as well get postin' Legit Ballaz tracks out of my system in one fell swoop with a quick primer compilation. These guys & girl were Twista's motley band of weed carriers who released 4 albums of staccato midwest mobb music, post-Jiggy rap & bullshit, and standard twangy noughties Chicago rap between 1999 and 2006, so I've plucked out my favourite songs and zipped them up for your listening pleasure.

This compilation focuses on the songs featuring Twista or Ms. Kane/Ms. Erica Kane (no Speaker Knockerz), and the latter's role-reversal of N.W.A's I Ain't tha 1 is a key track in the history of this rap shit because it finally gave us a glimpse of what H.W.A could have sounded like if Jazz, Diva or Baby Girl had ever learned how to rap properly.



The Martorialist presents the best of Legit Ballaz

1. Legit Ballaz (1999)
2. Game Recognize Game (1999)
3. Get Ya (1999)
4. Mob N*ggas Don't Die (2001)
5. Getty Up (2001)
6. Ball Wit' Us (2001)
7. Tattoo (2002)
8. I Ain't The One (2002)
9. Fresh Off The Lot (2002)
10. Tear It Up (2002)
11. Ride Slow (2006)

~~> DOWNLOAD HERE <~~

You can hear/purchase all 4 Legit Ballaz albums on their Bandcamp page. What you can't purchase anywhere is the unedited CDQ version of the Tattoo remix with Twista - why has that song only ever been released unedited on 12"/as the video?

Saturday, 11 October 2014

Here's another Legit Ballaz deep cut

Tear It Up might be the best Legit Ballaz posse cut to not feature the safety net of a Twista appearance. It's also one of the great Madame Tusauds casting agency Timbaland productions, though I 'unno if it's fair to call it a Timbaland knock-off when it predates the album it sounds like an outtake instrumental from by over 12 months? In a perfect world, there would have been a remix of this featuring new verses by Twista and my man Haystak:

Legit Ballaz - Tear It Up
(From Respect The Game Vol. 3 compilation album; 2002)



Previously: Tattoo; Game Recognize Game and I Ain't The One; Ball Wit' Us.

Friday, 10 October 2014

Cam & Sen are not fathers of the Ed O.G. caliber!

"Razor, what happened last night?
I called you last night and you never called me back. I Thought we had something goin'?


"No, chica, jou don't understand. Jou had somethin', jou had a good time....."


"That baby ain't mine
Bitch, you wastin' your time
Ain't got my lips on my eyes
All we had that night was just a good time, boo"


Cam'Ron ft. Sen City - Baby Ain't Mine
(From 1st Of The Month Volume 4 EP; 2014)


Possible shades of Razor Ramon's classic "Chicas are for fun" vignette with Baby Ain't Mine from that latest Cam'Ron EP? It's like word got back to Cam that Instagram (Catfish) and My Life were the only songs from Ghetto Heaven that people genuinely liked, so he's found a beat that's a reasonable facsimile of the former, called up Sen City, told him that he's making a song based on his Maury spoof from the Get 'Em Girls video and he needs Sen to croon another hook in the exact same melody as Instagram (Catfish).

It's far from peak Dipset, but it's a helluva lot better than Dipshits. Beggars can't be choosers in what's shaping up to be the worst year ever for New York rap music.

Thursday, 9 October 2014

Kinda disappointed that Ask YB by Jay Ant isn't a concept track about YB of I'm A Jerk-fame, tbh

HBK Gang have been at their best in 2014 when they've either stuck to the She Ready/Party Ain't A Party script of talkin' slick shit over slaps that sound like subtle recapitulations of Mannie Fresh productions circa 1995 - 2004/seem like they were put together solely to soundtrack twerking videos, OR when they've created music ex nililo which sounds like absolutely nothing else in the HBK oeuvre.

The former camp is best typified by Kool John & P-Lo's Bitch I Look Good and Show Banga & Sage The Gemini's I Been That, whilst the latter camp is idealy represented by Sage The Gemini's Bad Girls and Ask YB by Jay Ant here. Don't even know how to describe this one other than it sounds a bit like Erik Satie took a trip to the Bay with Bobby Brackins, Nic Nac & Chris Brown during the Hyphy era?

"Dirty Vans, dirty denim with some holes in 'em
But I'll still take your bitch, doe
Yep, I got 100 plans to get rich
100 mo' for your bitch, doe"


Jay Ant - Ask YB
(From the internet; 2014)



That new Vell & DJ Mustard song also has a whiff of Erik Satie anout it. Did the entire Californian rap community recently hit up a double bill of Badlands and True Romance or summat?

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

In the federal money team, no Mayweather/I'm just heatin' up, no may weather



Here's a new Lil' Chris deep cut which fits into his oeuvre somewhere between 2 Fake and What Money Do. Dude needs to stop arguing with his missus on Facebook and release his next mixtape already.

"And I don't trust a fucc n*gga
So if it ain't about my money then I can't fuck withcha
Just tryin' to get my racks up 'til my momma pack up
Move her in a house that's a lil' bigger"


Lil' Chris - Sick & Tired
(From the internet; 2014)

Tuesday, 7 October 2014

Generic list post: UK rap is the Devil's work except for these songs

Andy Cole ft. Pied Piper - Outstanding
(From Outstanding single; 1999)


Someone recently popped up in my comments to ask what my favourite UK rap songs are. Bearing in mind that I view all forms of rap music from these isles with the same conflicted sense of awed pity that the average person probably feels when watching the Paralympic Games on TV, this is the best I can muster up as top 15 list of songs which feature UK ppl doing something that could be construed as rapping on them:

1. Giggs - Monsta Man (2011)
2. Roland Rat Superstar ft. Kevin The Gerbil - Rat Rapping (1983)
3. Wiley - Jack's Not Nimble (2006)
4. London Posse - Gangster Chronicle (1990)
5. Gemini - Me N Da Girls (2007)
6. Silver Bullet - 20 Seconds To Comply (1990)
7. Jammer ft. Wiley, D Double E, Kano & Durrty Goodz - Destruction V.I.P (2004)
8. Dizzee Rascal - Off To Work (2005)
9. Rodney P - Big Tings We Inna (2001)
10. Sway - Baby Father (2007)
11. Skepta - Rolex Sweep (2008)
12. Cookie Crew - Got To Keep On (1989)
13. So Solid Crew - Dilemma (2000)
14. Oxide & Neutrino ft. various So Solid weed carriers - Rap Dis (2001)
15. Spiral from Big Brother 7 - Finglas (2006)

Footnotes: also quite like 3 Fekky singles; had to disqualify Monie Love for being a proto-Cat Deeley seppo sell-out; the music of Skinnyman is only useful as tragic comedy; would rather drink the foot sweat from a pair of Skinnyman's pleather Air Force 1's than ever sit through a Blade song; would rather sit through Blade's entire catalogue than ever listen to a rap song made by a citizen of Nottingham or Bristol; 90% of Grime is unlistenable bollocks, though a vast portion of the writing about it is a prime source of unintentional LOLz, particularly anything penned by John Doran or Tim Jonze.

Sunday, 5 October 2014

Crap Thot pun here ~~~~>

It'd be a huge stretch to say that I'm a fan of this Lidl value Loyal, but like Red Cafe & Fabolous' amusingly terrible Pretty Gang, Can't Trust Thots by Wash & French Montana is a song currently poppin' on Westwood that I should probably acknowledge before I forget it/it becomes huge. I wonder if Heaven got an alternate universe where French went to prison in 2009 instead of Max B?

"A thot is a girl that look for bottles as soon as she come in the club
You can find her by a table flirtin' with the ballers tryna go for a cup
The crazy part, shawty bad as fuck
Doin' squats all day, workin' on her butt
She know that it'll make a n*gga go nuts
...And that's what she wannnnt!"


Wash ft. French Montana - Can't Trust Thots
(From Can't Trust Thots single; 2014)


Would sell my own cousin Frank to Mephistopheles for a version of Feelin' Myself that Max guested on in the place of French.

Saturday, 4 October 2014

Hey! Rappers! Leave them kids alone!

Taken from the YouTube comment section of Baby Bash's Certified Freak video. Looks like the FREE SOUTH PARK MEXICAN movement is finally official:

Friday, 3 October 2014

Late pass!

"Grown n*gga on the retarded bus
The only difference, I'm drivin' all the slow mothafux"


Vic Spencer ft. TREE - Profound
(The internet; 2013)



Firstly, that beat sounds like what would have happened if John Carpenter had remixed the instrumental of Rip The Cut by The Skinny Boys for an Escape From Connecticut movie with Vince McMahon as C.T's answer to The Duke. If the forthcoming Vic Spencer X TREE EP isn't comprised of at least 50% tracks which sound like John Carpenter remixes of rap songs from 1986 then I'm gonna be one unhappy camper.

Secondly, Profound is what the TREE X Danny Brown collaboration should have sounded like. Much like Danny Brown before he decided he wanted to be that bloke from The Boredoms, Vic raps like The Power of Young Zee Compels Thee. Unlike Danny at any juncture of his career, however, Vic also manages to sound like the IRL manifestation of that legendary message board post where Necro called Goretex a "ROBOTIC RETARD WITH VIRUSES (LEPROSY) THAT NO SPYWARE CAN CURE!"

Thursday, 2 October 2014

Shout outs to them dudes who filter their bumfluff beards on Instagram to make themselves look like godamn Scroobius Pip

#Stop Godamn Flexin'


"Flexin', flexin'
A lotta these bitches be flexin'
Hoe look good on Instagram but in real life she really look like Precious
Stop godamn flexin'!"


Grip Plyaz - Flexin'
(From ReTurnt To Sender EP; 2014)



A rap song which deals with such important modern day issues as Instagram fraudulence, and sounds like someone blending D4L's Shittin' Me with Einstürzende Neubauten's Steh Auf Berlin is definitely something that I'm glad exists in 2014.

Tuesday, 30 September 2014

O.G Maco is the poor man's Grip Plyaz

Poor Grip Plyaz - always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Had he released the video for the 2014 remix of Fuck That Hipster Shit during the H*pster-gate shitstorm on the rap internet this past summer he could have done Anthony Fantano numbers instead of the Chris Ott numbers he's bound to pull in now the clip has finally hit the internet lookin' like it was shot by Robby Müller circa 1986 as Grip rides around Atlanta shinin' in a horse drawn carriage.

Grip Plyaz - Fuck That Hipster Shit 2014 remix
(From the internet/ReTURNT To Sender EP; 2014)


Feared the worst when I saw the word remix plastered across the MP3 of this 6 months ago, but in this case the 2014 version just trims a couple of minutes of fat out of the near-5 minute original and embellishes it with a few extra whooshing sound-effects. It neither improves nor decreases the quality of the song, but it does leave us with a couple of precious spare minutes we could possibly use to remind ourselves of how good Stuntman Mike/Wasaname/Child Support/Ray Lewis were too. If only more rappers were that considerate.

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