Probably a good day to point out that the U.K is still waiting for a proper investigation into Smiley Culture's supposed "suicide" during a plod raid on his house. In Police Officer, Smiley got let off during a stop & search because the copper’s kids & mum were fans of his. Alas, he didn’t get so lucky with the coppers who stabbed him in his own home (allegedly!)
How many coppers does it take to throw a prisoner down the stairs? None, the prisoner accidentally fell.
Ice-T - Street Killer
(From O.G. Original Gangster album/VHS tape; 1991)
Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when coppers were still as hazardous to black people as Covid-19. Fuck the plod and anyone who love 'em. R.I.P George "Big Floyd" Floyd.
Other notables: U.K Drill is such a joke of a sub-genre it makes sense that the comedy Grime granddads would sound better doing it than yer average London lad.
"I just got a call from my dawg, he comin' home
I just dropped some fondue on his books and on the phone
F*ck 12, free my n*gga right or wrong
Bitch, 'cause all I speak is facts in every song"
GetEmTree - Opp Watching
(From YouTube; 2020)
When Webbie made Gutta Bitch it's highly likely that his muse was a relative of GetEmTree. Been keepin' an eye on this lass since Like A Bitch caught my ear last month, and her new single here is even better. Savage Life ain't dead, it just no longer has a dick between its legs.
You can stick your Kid Cudi Clockers remixes, Groovy Distortion was the REAL fidget-House. If this track ever got play at early 1990s raves its jittery bleeps & bloops musta turned dancefloors into Madness videos. Best song from Frequencies which was never a single, and the song which best defines 1991 because it could potentially soundtrack a Leeds warehouse rave and an episode of Round The Twist at the SAME DAMN TIME.
It's a pity Pete Waterman and Michaela Strachan didn't take The Hitman and Her to a Leeds rave in 1990/1991 for a cross-Pennines counterpart to the 1989 episode where they visited Manchester's Hacienda innit? One of LFO's singles from Frequencies deserved to be captured on film in its natural habitat like A Guy Called Gerald's Voodoo Ray was on the Hacienda episode. It's the Wide Awake Club, Michaela, but not as you know it:
Wikipedia sez:
Pete Waterman said that the idea for The Hitman and Her came to him when he turned on the TV late one night and the only TV station still on-air featured Elvis Costello talking about Irish politics.
She asked how come I'm makin' two song playlists, I said everything's fine but I'm still in a 12" single state of mind. So, that new Max B & Dame Grease Goodman song with the same Them Two sample as Grip Plyaz F*ck Dat Hipster Shit makes a good B-side to Phenomenon, huh? Dame Grease productions only 4 Wavy WMX!
"100 blues, all bluefaces
Big dog beat big cases
Lil' n*gga tie your shoe laces
Bad bitch, don't do basics"
Toon ft. LeBron - Another One
(From YouTube; 2020)
Not to be confused with Toon from NOLA. Toon? More like Choon in the case of this song amirite. File this one under 'the Seattle Slap Muzik version of Chamillionaire & Paul Wall.'
Is 2020 the year that regional mainey whiteboy rappers make a comeback? Some of you never listened to T-Bo & Mike Da Hustla and it shows.
EttelThun just dropped a list of 33 legit jams which are short like Curren$y's legs, and it's such a good concept that I'm blatantly biting it for 33 of my own favorites. Rules of this particular parlour game: no songs from Etto's list, no songs longer than 2:30, no beatjacks, no acapellas, no instrumentals/scratch-tracks, no Soundcloud troglodyte fraggle rappers, and no boring Faux Marciano Griselda dullard rappers.
"Because my attitude so nasty, I act just like my pappy
A lotta n*ggas want a piece of me like I'm some candy"
Flo Milli - My Attitude
(From YouTube; 2020)
I'm a child of 80s Beastie Boys so I'll always appreciate Brat-Rap in all its guises. What I'd also appreciate is a Flo Milli CD maxi-single with Not Friendly, Beef FloMix, and My Attitude on it.
PS: Not Friendly is the 'ardest song out right now.
"I'm insightful, recognising life is a cycle
Like I recognise when girls fight titties pop out, ya catch an eyeful"
Rodney P - Big Tings We Inna
(From Big Tings We Inna 12" single; 2001)
Rodney P was best when he made music which was more Reggae-Rap than Rap-Reggae. If Smiley Culture travelled forward in time to go bish bash bosh in the Bashment then Big Tings We Inna woulda been the result. Near perfect Windrush Generation song but for the "old dog readin' the Playboy in the bible" line - this is Paul Raymond's manor not Hugh Hefner's turf, you plonker!
Pour out a little Champagne for the Gordon Gekko of Rap/Berry Gordy of Rap & Bullshit Andre "Dr. Jeckyll" Harrell. The rapping era of Harrell's career usually gets brushed aside as a mere footnote to his A&R powermoves, but Jeckyll & Hyde were one of the best groups of the early 80s. They talked shit to Vanity 6 on The Challenge; they got the best beat of Pumpkin's tenure with Profile Records on Gettin' Money; they were ideal foils for Davy DMX (ghost)production on Fast Life and Yellow Panties; and they recorded the most underrated song of Rap's Disco-Band era with Doing The Do. Most of yer self-styled Hip Hop historians will never admit it, but Harlem bodied the Bronx on wax from 1979 to 1982 and this song is one of the key examples of Uptown's superiority:
Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde - Doing The Do
(From Jeckyll & Hyde Dance/Doing The Do 12" single; 1982)
"Girls be actin', I can tell that you're pretendin'
These hoes really jealous, that's the reason I'm not friendly
I hear these haters talkin' shit, it really don't offend me
'Cause in a crowd full of pussies I see that you blend in"
Flo Milli - Not Friendly
(From YouTube; 2020)
This latest single by the In The Party lass is very much my shit right now. Imagine a mainier sassier Gucci Gucci with steel drums and you've got Not Friendly in a nutshell.
Never forget Bun B's Man-Machine print cycling shirt from GLC's Take It Off video!
Pop, lock, and drop it for das funky kraut Florian Schneider. As a member of Kraftwerk old Florian accidentally birthed Techno, but let's not hold that against him because he also accidentally birthed Electro, Chicago House, and a buncha great Rap songs from artists as diverse as The Fearless Four, Agallah, Egyptian Lover, J.J. Fad, R.A The Rugged Man, 95 South, and that nonce Afrika Bambaataa. His most impressive feat, however, was making Coldplay sorta listenable and for that he is a true G.O.A.T Gerry. Rest in peace Flo' Autobahn Rida - I hope Heaven got a buncha Kraftwerk groupies who look like Helga from 'Allo 'Allo.
Public Enemy - Can't Do Nuttin' For Ya, Man
(From Fear Of A Black Planet album; 1990)
That feeling when you're a Rap Guy™ but Rap isn't fulfilling your current existential needs. It's precisely 2 months tonight since I last went the pub and my heart yearns for the booze, the burgers, the banter, and even the bookie with the dodgy racing tips. Rappers can't do nuttin' for ya man Marty on this issue, so I've gotta turn to Aussie Punkers for some audio aloe vera. Never mind The Orange Organics, here's The Bogan Moronics:
Crooklyn was a gift and a curse for Special Ed: an instant-classic posse cut which rescued Ed from the Rap wilderness, it then inspired him to rhyme over a buncha lumpen mid-tempo beats for his mediocre comeback LP Revelations. Luckily Profile Records stepped in to spare Ed's blushes by hiring DJ Premier to remix Freaky Flow into a track which va-va-voomed like 74 Honda scooters. Billed as a remix, it's more like a sequel since the only thing it shares with the original is the hook. If I Got It Made is the highest title numero uno of Special Ed songs then the Freaky Flow remix is fighting it out with Taxing for numero dos position.
Special Ed - Freaky Flow (DJ Premier remix)
(From Freaky Flow (DJ Premier remix) 12" single; 1996)
Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when livestreamed Darts was far more entertaining than livestreamed beat battles. 2 blokes struggling with IG live settings as they shout at each other and awkwardly play snippets of songs? No fa me.
Awwww man - peace, Connecticut to Stezo AKA the rapper who put the C.T into Canadian Tuxedo. To The Max is my own personal Running Man anthem, and Girl Trouble is the O.G Know The Ledge as far set-up songs go. I hope Heaven got a endless supply of Mickey Mouse sweatshirts for the original Danca Ternt Rappa.
"I wanna drive around my hometown, I wanna listen to Wu-Tang
Oh my life is feelin' so down, I'm always loopin' on the same thing"
Juiceboxxx - Drive Around
(From It's Easy To Feel Like A Nobody When You're Living In The City album; 2020)
What I dig about these recent Juiceboxxx singles like Drive Around and Coinstar Song is that they're the sort of modern Rock anthems I wanna hear on KerrangTV next to classix like The Breeders' Cannonball and Wheatus' Teenage Dirtbag. Kung-Flu quarantine has downgraded hometowns into homes for the Drive Around video, but the song's essence is more pertinent than ever: it ain't where you're from or where you're at, it's where your head is at. Keep it above the clouds like Guru & Deck.
That reminds me, I was watching KerrangTV a couple of weeks back and caught recent videos by Sum 41 and Papa Roach. Once polar opposites of early noughties MTV Rock (Pop-Punk japes versus Nu-Metal earnestness), both bands are now indistinguishable on the sound and image tip. Times is hard on the Rock boulevard when your only way to age disgracefully is to rebrand as #Woke Velvet Revolver.
One of my big pet peeves about Rap right now is the need for superfluous guests. Thus, of course the best songs on Quelle Chris new album feature people doing Chris' one job (or Chris doing someone else's job in the case of Sudden Death.) Wondersdohappen when Jean Grae's significant other is home alone with his microphone, but he seems hellbent on becoming the Ampichino of sardonic eccentric-Rap: a needy bastard with a near-pathological aversion to go for self on his own songs. If only it were possible to enforce social-distancing on Rap albums, mixtapes, and EP's - no more than 2 guests per project, imho.
Calvin Harris - Acceptable In The 80's
(From I Created Disco album; 2007)
Here at The Martorialist it pains us greatly that Jackie Chain went from rapping to farming without getting around to jackin' some noughties British pop-dance anthems. In fact, it's still Jackie-san's destiny to jack Calvin Harris' Acceptable In The 80's and transform it into an ode to Huntsville hedonism. No crazy visionz are even necessary because that shit practically writes itself:
"I got drugs for you if you were born in the 80's
I got Buds for you if you were born in the 80's
I got pills for you if you were born in the 80's
I'll throw bills for you if you were born in the 80's"
So, my favourite Rap 12" of all time celebrates its 40th birthday at some point during this year. A truly great record which stands as thee best example of early Rap on wax, it's also a hugely important record since echoes and ricochets of both songs can be heard in everything from T La Rock to Too $hort. Me, I wanna read an oral history of the 12" from everyone involved still alive (R.I.P Pumpkin and Bobby Robinson) and some of the A-list Rap personalities who bear the traces of its influence like LL Cool J, Slick Rick, Pos & Dove from De La, Kid Capri, and Will Smith & DJ Jazzy Jeff. One caveat, though: the article must NOT be written by that insufferable narcissist Questlove.
Usher ft. Ella Mai - Don't Waste My Time
(From YouTube; 2020)
I don't know too much about R&B but I know what I like and this is the first Usher song I've been all over like a Primark suit since Good Kisser. GTFOH with that stupid interlude halfway through the song, though. Just because we all have more time on our hands right now does not mean we wanna spend said time watching Usher and Jamie Kennedy's attempts at comedy.
Mac Dre - Young Black Brotha
(From Young Black Brotha EP; 1989)
Mac Dre - Livin' A Mac's Name
(From Young Black Brotha EP; 1989)
Whenever folks discuss Rap's greatest EP's, Mac Dre's 1989 to 1992 trifecta of Extended Plays always get slept on like they're made from memory foam. Lord knows why because all three EP's are sicker than SARS, Dre with Khayree behind the boards was one of Rap's best Rapper/producer combinations, and their debut extendo Young Black Brotha is the de facto best Rap EP of the 80s with all slaps and no skips. F*ck the world and anyone who underrates Furl, history has got shit twisted like a Jheri curl.
Mac Dre - Too Hard For The F*ckin' Radio
(From Young Black Brotha EP; 1989)
Mac Dre - Mac Dre's The Name
(From Young Black Brotha EP; 1989)
Kitted when you see me: Kilo Curt & Dre's people are now selling Thizz Face protective masks. Capitali$m ain't dead, it just moved from selling Ecstasy to Coronasploitation.
Via D Squared. Been a long time since I've heard an Atlanta Rap song with some slap but the Da Apartments guy has come through with Blockaholic here. That said, as with NHale's Dealin' Wit A Hoe, these long-arse video intros have REALLY gotta go. Rappers - take ya acting aspirations, put 'em under ya pillows, and kiss them shits goodnight forever ever.
**Edit** both YouTube uploads of the video vanished. WTF?!
If parlour games are the new pub crawls in this season of the siccness then who's down for a round of Great Cover Versions? A Great Cover Version doesn't necessarily have to be better than its source material, but it does need to bring summat slightly different to the table and jam in its own right. All genres and eras are welcome, as are artists covering their own songs. What's not welcome are any of Tricky's shitty Bwistolian whisper-wap cover versions of 80s Rap classix, or any remakes of Children's Story which are all superfluous.
NHale - Dealin' Wit A Hoe
(From the internet; 2020)
It ain't no fun if the seeds can't sang none. The apple didn't fall from the G with Nate Dogg's son, eh? Junior ain't quite blessed with the same velvet tone as his dearly-departed old man, but he's on the right track with this jam. Just make sure you skip foward past the stupid intro to the 40 second mark.
Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Liverpool Football Club's eternal premiership jinx sent the entire planet in lockdown.
Other notables: best Coronasploitation songs thus far came from Gmac Cash, Dee-1 and Eatem; ShooterGang Kony & Nef The Pharaoh's Bussdown was ruined by Teejay3k's Auto-Tune shenanigans; holy shit that Jay EDM & Jay Camel album was a hot mess lol; Capalow's Mud was my fave random find of the month.
