Monday, 4 May 2015

Martorial Elegance # 78

To celebrate the 10th anniversary of Prodigy's cuffed G-Unit apparel jhorts in the Outta Control remix video we invited P Lagerfeld onto Blogspot to document their influence. Little did we know P Fujiwara would bless us with a new entry in his inventory of TRENDS PRODIGY HAS SET SINCE 1992 AND STILL IS SETTING IN 2008 AND BEYOND.


#27 DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER IT'S RAIN OR SHINE OUT, P MADE SURE IT'S FOREVER CUFFIN' SEASON IN RHODE ISLAND. THESE FAGGET MENSWEAR BLOGGERS WILL NEVER REACH THE CROWED OF PLASTIC PADDY LA COKA NOSTRA GROUPIES THAT I REACH. HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY TREND SETTING, LOOK WHAT I BROUGHT TO THE TABLE:

Saturday, 2 May 2015

Pre Malone?

Apropos of this recent Rap Music Hysteria post about Miami Bass' weird infatuation with cack, here's the legendary collaboration between Uncle Luke, Cam'Ron & Pitbull. As well as being the spiritual successor to Bust A Nut by Luke & Biggie, Suck This Dick is the only time you'll ever hear Cam'Ron rhyming about unloading the contents of his bowels and Pitbull rapping about the cream in his balls on the same damn song. Bless Luke's artistic vision for making it a reality:

Uncle Luke ft. Cam'Ron & Pitbull - Suck This Dick
(From Something Nasty album; 2001)


Months after making his debut on Something Nasty in 2001, Pitbull went out on tour to help his then-mentor Luke promote the album, and it was before their show in St Louis where the now infamous footage of Pitavelli freestyling in the street with his hair in cornrows & his face dotted with bumfluff was shot. Not tryna suggest that Yung 'Bull deposited some cream from his balls into a Dallas high schooler after the Texas date of the tour, but let's just say that Post Malone might wanna look into a paternity test in the near future:

Friday, 1 May 2015

Mrs MacClusky

"More money than my teacher and he failed my ass
Make a class about cash, I bet I'll pass
All black tee, blue jeans, Nikes
We hoppin' out them vans, old school Hyphy"


Corn ft. Nef The Pharaoh - Old School Hyphy
(From YouTube; 2015)


A Class Act indeed. Kinda feelin' the Red Nose meets Ronald Dregan ambience goin' on here. Would REALLY be feelin' it if Nef The Pharaoh used some of his Big Tymin' loot to secure a Sage The Gemini verse for the remix.

I got crazy visions for the remix video already - a spoof of the "coloureds versus Italians" classroom scene from The Wanderers featuring Corn, Nef & Sage trading racial epithets with A-Wax, Roach Gigz & Lil' Debbie before the power of Hyphy unites them as One Nation Under The Ghost Of Giggin'.

Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Generic list post: april 2015


Obligatory wrap-up post of the songs I've listened to during the month when Brendan Soderberg was exposed for fraudulent journalism and going apeshit on a woman IRL in much the same way he went apeshit on Katherine St. Asaph and Ruth Saxelby on the internet. Also the month when Jay-Z finally made an even worse business decision than the time he bought Artful Dodger for $15 million.

Rated X - Rated X Is 2 (1990)
Jiggs & Cheeks - Hustle Til I Die (1999)
Rosco P. Coldchain ft. Pharrell - I Can't Help (2003)
Consequence - Caught Up In The Hype (2005)
Audio Push - Normally (2015)
Nef The Pharaoh - Big Tymin' (2015)
Young Thug ft. Birdman - Constantly Hating (2015)
Kap G ft. T.I. & David Banner - F**k La Policia (remix) (2015)
DEV - Parade (2015)
Busy Signal - #Text Message (2015)
Disasterpeace - Old Maid (2015)
The Square - Lewisham McDeez (2015)

(Can't believe Laweez Haynes didn't finally reveal her identity in for the expanded video version of Novelist's Lewisham McDeez.)

What else? TREE's Well didn't have much replay value but it ain't 'alf bad for a a couple of minutes of lyrical exercise over some sample of a Gregorian school choir; N Dis by Mic Terror definitely would've been my shit if it didn't sound like it'd been recorded with an AIWA dictaphone; Daddy and Flex (Ooh, Ooh, Ooh) sound light years better than all the new songs on this latest Rich Homie Quan mixtape; also very much feelin' Trapping Ain't Dead by Section Boyz but I can't bring myself to stan for a Grime song and and a Road-Rap song in the same post without some sort of caveat.

Monday, 27 April 2015

Just sayin', bruv #10

It's the return of the column that loves hot takes like the fat Tuesday kid loves cake:

April 12th 2005: the day Rakim awoke to find that the Paid In Full remix beat was no longer his property because Z-Ro had stolen its soul and was now the rightful owner.

With the possible exception of Trophies, Sicko Mobb completely exhausted themselves of melodies, ideas, and songs in 2013. Time to stop pretending otherwise, folks.

The only of their collaborations Nas ever rapped circles around AZ on was How Ya Livin', but boy-oh-boy did he ever body AZ on his own shit there: "Excuse me is that your bitch in my six, turnin' up the volume when she hear my hits? On her wall mad flicks, now you want me blasted, but don't get it confused over this rap shit.."

On one hand, a bunch of songs from Drake's recent albumixtape thing all hittin' radio at once was a new layer of Hell to endure. On the other hand, at least they instantly eradicated Abu Hamface O'Brien's appalling song with Audrey from all rap radio playlists.

Top 3 greatest trifectas of songs on rap albums: Follow The Leader, Microphone Fiend, and Lyrics Of Fury by Eric B. & Rakim; Kingofdasouth, Be Better Than Me, and Long Live Da Game by T.I.; Doomsday, Rhymes Like Dimes, and The Finest by MF DOOM.

Aside from 2 or 3 exceptions, The Barter VI is an collection of album-cuts which weren't good enough to make Young Thug's proper album. And that's fine as long as people don't front like it's a Grand Artistic Statement™ when it's little more than a glorified version of The Leak.

2015: the year Yung Gleesh apologists officially replaced South Park Mexican truthers as rap's most despicable fan base.

Saturday, 25 April 2015

A recent jams compilation 4 u

For doz dat also slept, here's a compilation of 10 of my favourite tracks from the last 4 months (+ the arse-end of december) I put together for a mate of mine who hasn't really been checking for any new rap beyond Curren$y, Rae Sremmurd, and Fabolous. Google+ and Ello this shit so your basic friends who only listen to Action Bronson don't miss out on the hottest deep cuts of recent times either.

V/A - Them Damn Buck Roger' Years Songs

1. Rich Homie Quan - Daddy (2015)
2. Nef The Pharaoh - Big Tymin' (2015)
3. Lil' Chris - Bad Lil' Chick/Got Her Own Shit (2015)
4. A-Mafia - My Boy (2015)
5. Mr.2-17 - Strong Arm Flexxin' (2014)
6. 5th Ward Weebie ft. Snoop & Juvenile - Let Me Find Out Pt 2 (2014)
7. Meek Mill - Monster (2015)
8. Fetty Wap - RGF Island (2015)
9. Lil' Bibby & Lil' Herb - Ain't Heard About You (Kill Shit Pt 2) (2015)
10. Wiz Khalifa - Smoke Chambers (2014)

~~~> DOWNLOAD 'EM ALL HERE <~~~

Thursday, 23 April 2015

Did Noisey get Migos arrested?



The ghost of Noisey-past: Tha Pumpsta in 2005.

It's a documented fact that Noisey unintentionally ruined the lives of at least 4 black teenagers when the site's BLK PPL SELL LEAN ON INSTAGRAM!! exposé resulted in multiple arrests a couple of years ago, but now t'internet is suggesting that Noisey's staff have taken time out from making endless unfunny ‘Migos are better than The Beatles’ memes to get Quavo, Offset & the other one scooped up by the alphabet boys.

Here at The Martorialist we may mock Noisey for paying one of Brendan Soderberg's mates to fly to Chicago and pretend to be a heroin addict so he could ask Englewood drug dealers whether they preferred Citgo to Love Sosa, but we shan't be blaming the site for Migos gettin' bagged until some very pertinent questions are asked:

Are the FEDS who arrested Migos the only people over the age of 17 who've ever watched a Noisey rap documentary?

Will rap ever recover from Migos not being able to release any more terrible mixtapes with one good song?

Is it fair to blame Drew Millard for this when Troy Ave and Brian "B.Dot" Miller ran him outta New York months ago?

What does Joe Bish think about all this?

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

With love

First time I heard Drop That Kitty by Ty Dolla $ign, Charli XCX & Tinashe, my reaction was "lmao what a trainwreck!" Then I heard Westwood using Charli XCX's hook in the mix and had to admit he was on to something. Then I saw the effect Westwood using the hook in the mix had on the female population at his last party up here and was forced to conclude that a 5/5 hook had found itself trapped in a 1.5/5 song.

Then I had an epiphany, yo - what if I were to ask Jack The Snipper AKA DJ Step One to perform song-saving surgery on Drop That Kitty by looping Charli XCX's opening hook 5 times and adding a vocal sample of one of Mrs Slocombe's double-entendre's about her pet cat from the classic British sitcom Are You Being Served? We hit up the Holby City operating theatre together and emerged victorious with the Carry On Ratchet equivalent of Davy DMX's One For The Treble:

$low Combez - Pussy Goin' Ham (Drop That Kitty Martorialist remix)
(From the internet; 2015)


On topic: if D-Block & Clinton Sparks could transform the Cheers theme into the best stick-up kid anthem since Ante Up on Take Everything You Got then just imagine what the Ghetto D-era Miller Brothers & Beats By The Pound could have done with the Are You Being Served? theme.

Monday, 20 April 2015

Where's the love 4 Soulja Rags tho?

"You wit' the shit? OH YEAH
You keep it lit? OH YEAH
You havin' fun? OH YEAH
You got your gun? OH YEAH
You throwin' ones? OH YEAH
You stackin' hun's? OH YEAH"


Nef The Pharaoh - Big Tymin'
(From YouTube; 2015)


According to my rap-plug in Oakland, Big Tymin' by Nef The Pharaoh is one of the biggest songs in the town right now. Back in the '80s everybody had they own arrow, nowadays every city got they own local hit with a hook where the song's author recites a bunch of phrases which relate to late '90s Ca$h Money Records. As with 2014, California stays bodying Atlanta at the CMR concept record game.

Unpopular opinions 2015: Follow Me Now was the best single from 400 Degreez.

Sunday, 19 April 2015

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be #8

Two songs from Yungstar & Den-Den's Crooked Profit Vol. 1 compilation that've both appeared on here previously but still haven't found their way to YouTube. To put that into some sort of perspective, consider this: two of the definitive songs from Yungstar's camp are nowhere to be found on the 'Tube, yet every the entire oeuvre of the Action Bronson to Yungstar's Ghostface is up on there.

Yungstar ft. Lil' Flex - Knockin' Pictures (remix)
(From Yungstar & Den-Den's Crooked Profit Vol. 1 compilation; 2002)



Lil' Flex - Freestyle
(From Yungstar & Den Den's Crooked Profit Vol 1 compilation; 2002)


Texas-related note: glad to hear TREE sounds like TREE again after his recent Trap Genius album was little more than a PowerPoint Presentation on how he could rap in other people's flows. Who's down with O.P.F? MC TREE G! Very impressive on the Invasion Of The Tongue Snatchers tip, but If I wanted to hear Quavo impersonations from men who are old enough to know better then I can just download everything by the Sauce Twinz. As Henry Rollins' boyfriend nearly once sang, Texas is the reason that the Migos flow is dead.

Thursday, 16 April 2015

Rap songs that aren't on YouTube but really should be #7

If 1966 to 1971 was a golden age for revenge movies (Django, Point Blank, The Great Silence, Once Upon A Time In The West, The Duel, Get Carter) then 1995 to 1999 was a golden age for rap songs about revenge: Eye For An Eye by Mobb Deep, various songs by 2Pac, Parole Violators by CNN & Tragedy Khadafi, the Thugs Love Story trilogy by Kool G. Rap, The Pay Back by AZ, and Death Before Dishonor by Jiggs & Cheeks.

The latter two songs also share a couple of other things in common other than the concept of retribution: both use the same Sade sample and neither of them are currently on YouTube, at least not in any sort of listenable form in the case of AZ's addition to the revenge-rap canon. The universe clearly felt the need to punish rap music for KanYe West's snide line about Sade on that terrible latest single of his, but vengeance is a dish best served cold and these AZ & Jiggs & Cheeks tracks are way too hot to get caught in the crosshairs just because KanYe was rapping out of his arse to come up with anything that vaguely rhymed with All Day. Leave 'em alone, Ram:

AZ - The Pay Back
(From Pieces Of A Man album; 1998)


Jiggs & Cheeks - Death Before Dishonor
(From "The Don" North Pole album; 1999)



Again, props to ANU for finding the Jiggs & Cheeks album and hookin' it up.

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Generic list post: great songs on rap albums that are far from great

The next time some doe-eyed twerp is all up in your airspace earnestly extolling the virtues of the good ol' days of buying albums, pluck a fistful of notes straight outta his wallet and remind him there was nothing remotely noble about shelling out money for shit albums with one great song, especially if that one great song happened to be the single you'd already shelled out money for a couple of months beforehand.

Fuck da industry, we in da streetz bumpin' a YouTube rip MP3 of Cruisin from T.I's otherwise shitty Trouble Man album! Additionally, here's 24 other favourites from mediocre albums that were almost redeemed by one flash of brilliance where all the stars aligned like Band Aid in 1984:

Freddie Foxxx - The Master (1989)
Tha Camp - 1 Rubber (2007)
Meek Mill - Dreams And Nightmares (Intro) (2012)
Dramatik ft. Bria - Gotta Getaway (2000)
Marley Marl ft. Tragedy & Chuck D - America Eats The Young (1991)
Casual - Turkey And Dressing (2003)
Mr. Lif ft. Murs - Murs Iz My Manager (2006)
Shazzy - Gigahoe (1990)
Monsta Island Czars - Mic Line (2003)
Pusha-T ft. Kelly Rowland - Let Me Love You (2013)
Nighthawks - Cop Hell (2002)
Mac Mall - Pussy Whipped (1999)
Large Professor ft. Nas & Akinyele - Stay Chisel/Akinyele (2002)
YZ - The Return (Remix) (1993)
Devin The Dude - Bad Company (2008)
Half-A-Mill - World Famous (2002)
Master P ft. Curren$y - Let 'Em Go (2004)
Young Black Teenagers - First True Love Affair (1993)
Haystak - Broads & Alcohol (2004)
Sheek Louch ft. D-Block - Mighty D-Block (2 Guns Up) (2003)
4 Deep - True Blue Brother (1993)
Mack 10 ft. Ice Cube, WC & Butch Cassidy - Connected For Life (2002)
Biz Markie ft. DJ Jazzy Jeff - Tear Shit Up (2003)
Ca$h Out - I Want The Money (2014)

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

In The Mark Beaumont

DEV ft. Sage The Gemini - Kiss It
(From YouTube; 2014)



Realest shit written on the internet hitherto in 2015. I hope Nicole gently coos it to her firstborn in the same way that mum dukes used to sang Robin The Frog's cover version of Halfway Down The Stairs to me when I was knee high to a grasshopper.

DEV and Sage The Gemini both dropping new singles in the past couple of weeks is a timely reminder that I'm still salty Kiss It wasn't the biggest pop/rap single since Dark Horse. It's cold out here on the innanet as a Kiss It stan when the only other troopers you can find ridin' for the cause are this Nicole E bird and an ex-Melody Maker writer renowned for being even more clueless about anything rap-related than the paper's other infamous Simon.

That new Sage The Gemini single is one of the saddest examples of industry-assimilation in recent memory. Inversely, that new DEV single is a perfect example of why Boom Clack will always triumph over Boom Clap:

DEV - Parade
(From YouTube; 2015)

Sunday, 12 April 2015

Jiggs & Cheeks >>> Mr Cheeks

Much like Ball Wit' Us by Legit Ballaz, Hustle Til I Die by Jiggs & Cheeks manages to balance late '90s Midwest gangsta-rap and Bad Boy-style jigginess in equal measure on some Do Or DidDie type shit. In a perfect world, Jiggs & Cheeks would have had their regional 1999 debut CD re-released nationally by So So Def Records in 2000 with a couple of new tracks including a pre-fame KanYe production featuring guest verses from Loon & Cardan, and a Neptunes single with a fish-eye lens video of them strutting their stuff on a helicopter pad whilst clad in sleeveless orange leather boiler suits.

Jiggs & Cheeks - Hustle Til I Die
(From "The Don" North Pole album; 1999)


Maybe if Jermaine Dupri had done what he was 'pposed to do then the Jiggs & Cheeks album could have done those Harlem World The Movement numbers and that shit wouldn't be virtually unknown and so impossible to find nowadays unless you're a 30-something rap fan from northside Chicago, the Bork random gangsta-rap CD collector whose blog I first heard Hustle Til I Die and North Pole Anthem on back in 2009, or David Drake's dad. Ayo Drake - get your pa' to dig out your copy, rip it and then upload it to Zippyshare. You'll be Lester Got Bangz status in Latvia 4 life.

*EDIT* ANU found the album and uploaded it. DOWNLOAD THAT SHIT HERE!

Friday, 10 April 2015

A Consequence compilation 4 u

"The words that I say prove Cons' got raps
And everything'll change once Cons' got stacks
'Cause n*ggas gonna start wheezin' like an asthma attack
Saying ‘we's gonna do this’ and ‘we's gonna do that’
But we's don't fuck around, let's keep it like that"



This is the post where I attempt to convince you that Consequence is an unfairly maligned figure in rap history. You're excused if you've previously dismissed him as Q-Tip's rapping cousin with the proto-Rylan Clark dentures and little more than a couple of great singles to his own name because I bought into much the same notion until last year when it suddenly dawned on me that he's the best weed carrier KanYe has ever and I decided to give his catalogue a fair shake.

Turns out dude was pretty nice with his during the decade between his demo-on-wax in 1997 and his debut album Don't Quit Your Day Job in 2007. He's one of the few post-1996 N.Y rappers to have paid attention when Positive K and Grand Puba were teachin' mathematics on how to talk slick, and he plays the role of the Tog Dog Underdog with this idiosyncratic combination of spitefulness and empathy that could only be possessed by a true long-term weed carrier relishing his time in the spotlight after years spent out in rap's wilderness recording songs with Mike Zoot for German record labels.

More importantly, he had joints you can bump in the car that'll stop whoever has the aux cord wantin' to have you at gunpoint in the car, so I made compilation of his best shit. Raise a toast to Cons' Air - the only rapper to ever get me open enough to memorise an entire Talib Kweli guest verse.

Consequence - Give Cons' A Chance (Compilation)

1. Rock-N-Roll (1997)
2. Consequences (ft. Q-Tip) (1998)
3. N*ggas Get Knocked (1999)
4. A.S.R.F (2002)
5. 1988 (2002)
6. The Good, The Bad, The Ugly (ft. KanYe West) (2002)
7. It's Over (2002)
8. Yard 2 Yard (ft. Rhymefest) (2002)
9.Getting Out The Game (ft. KanYe West) (2003)
10. Take It As A Loss (ft. KanYe West) (2003)
11. Wack N*ggas 2 (ft. Common, KanYe West & Talib Kweli) (2004)
12. Caught Up In The Hype (2005)
13. Job Song (2007)
14. Callin' Me (2007)
15. Don't Forget 'Em (2007)

~~~> DOWNLOAD HERE <~~~

Thursday, 9 April 2015

F**k David Duckenfield

Back when ya host Kool Bro Dee Lancaster copped Trap Muzik and Mississippi: The Album on the same day sometime back in late summer 2003 I could have never imagined T.I. & David Banner would reunite 12 years later on a remix of one of my favourite singles of 2014 by a Mexican guy with the best hair in rap. File this one under under ‘rap songs about important issues’ and ‘remixes that Baby Bash really should have guested on’:

Kap G ft. T.I. & David Banner - F**k La Policia (remix)
(From the internet; 2015)

Wednesday, 8 April 2015

Real late passes & DigitalDripped classics Only

DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO

I never listened to Rey, I never listened to David Drake
When they were sweatin' RNGM in 2013, fuck's sake
If I did I wouldn't be realising how good that shit is 2 years late
Now I got egg on my face like I just ate
I never owned Howard The Duck on VHS tape
Yeah, that was a set up for a punchline on Alley Boy's crew being called Duct Tape

Alley Boy ft. Ty Dolla $ign - RNGM
(From War Cry mixtape; 2013)


Worried about whether Truffle Butter is the fake?
Worry about Fader's Bobby Brackins/B.o.B mistake
These bloggers act like Brackins stans but never heard Jon And Kate Plus 8
When Nyquil sent me that shit in 2012 I sat up straight
'Cause a rapper sounding like Michel'le IRL was worthy of the John Cena face
Tripe and chips in Blackpool Tower is your dad's idea of an update

Bobby Brackins - Jon And Kate Plus 8
(From the internet; 2010)

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Can Trust F.O.T.S

File this under ‘Friends Of The Show’.

Back when I dropped that best of Fam-Lay compilation last week, SE from RAP MUSIC HYSTERIA (this post > every think piece you've ever written) swung through and suggested the universe's cosmic unconsciousness must be currently set to Star Trak b-listers because he was in the process of assembling some sort of Rosco P. Coldchain retrospective. The man also known as the rap internet's foremost K Kutta expert posted the fruits of his labour yesterday and it's a double header of Rosco like that Dukes Of Hazard episode where James Best played the two different characters. Bravo, old bean.

Fuck a TIDAL, Team Rap Compilation Zippyshares is takin' over in 2015. Shout outs to SE, EttelThun, Hot Box and Ackbar.

Monday, 6 April 2015

Billy found the mystery dancehall banger with the Samsung whistle sample!

See: previously for details. This is reality rap reggae, we all go through it:

"Lord God is a next gyal
That say she nuh have no credit
But she inna a Wi-Fi spot
She can't SMS only can WhatsApp
KMRT a that mi type back"


Busy Signal - #Text Message
(From t'internet; 2015)




^^ Me IRL right now ^^

Sunday, 5 April 2015

Ayo ppl who are up on modern dancehall

(*Edit* Forget that new Boosie single where he presents a compelling argument for the release for Max B, C-Murder and Vybz Kartel for now.)

Does anybody know what the dancehall song with the Samsung message notification whistle is? Heard it at the Nicki Minaj show in Manchester last night but couldn't Shazam that shit in time and Google is just turning up red herrings today.

Not sure why Samsung whistle samples have yet to catch on in rap when whistling was all the rage a decade ago and helped propel Flo Rida's Whistle and B.o.B's Headband into the global pop stratosphere in more recent years. Maybe Steve Jobs' brain is being kept alive somewhere deep within the bowels of Apple HQ so its immense power can be harnessed to secretly control the entire rap trade into staying loyal to their iPhones?


Best thing about seeing Nicki on The Pinkprint tour was getting to hear Feeling Myself without Beyonce's foghorn warbling all over it. Very apt right now because the only demographic worse than Apple fanboys are Beyonce stans.

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