Wednesday, 22 May 2019

Oi Drizzle

Fuck being snarky, Messy Mart is complicated. As, indeed, is Edan's music.


1. Can't front, back in 2001 I dismissed Edan as a period-piece pastiche artist with an amusing Ultramagnetic MC's homage and was only interested in him as a DJ. It wasn't until a year later I became a fan of his music after catching a live show where he flipped my script with Run That Shit! and the Emcees Smoke Crack remix.

2. What I dig about Edan's best shit is that it has a similar strain of smart-arse bratty humour to Paul's Boutique-era Beastie Boys but from the perspective of a super-scientifikal Rap savant who uses Percee P's Lung Collapsing Lyrics as a Rosetta Stone. Also, his beats knock.

3. I only ride for Edan as a singles artist - as in, you don't really need to bother with any of his 3 albums because you can find all his best songs on his various 12"s, EP's, and 7"s (Primitive Plus does have a few jams, though tbf.)

4. I've never undertood the luv for Beauty And The Beat. Nowt to do with the switch in production sound, and everything to do with his smart-arse bratty humour being replaced with those painfully earnest Hip Hop Historian 101 rhymes.

5. Were there many other Rappers "feasibly in the same ballpark" as Edan? Aside from maybe J-Zone, I can't think of a single other Rapper from the late 90s/early '00s indie-Rap scene who was making music as simultaneously funny & funky as Edan's best shit (no A.C The P.D @ funny & funky.)

6. Edan is responsible for me enjoying Mr. Lif - a feat no other producer has managed thus far. Ditto Homeboy Sandman.

7. Anbody else ever get weirded out by Edan's scatalogical obsession? No shotz/shitz, but he definitely comes across as the sort of bloke who might have rubbed one out to 2 Girls, 1 Cup.

Saturday, 18 May 2019

**Max B on Why You Do That voice**

Ya host is like "I don't even like Durk-core BUT.. but I fuck with this new Polo G shit right here!" This that grown & gorgeous shit with #bars and pathos for the summer, the winter, 4th quarter, whatever... owwww. Soul shit.

"I've been scarred by your love, left my heart bleedin’
My soul posted in the shadow with some dark demons
I'm on the E-way in a fast foreign car speedin'
.223s spit out quick when that chopper ringin’
We ain't never duckin' beef, bitch, we not vegan
My lil' n*ggas 'bout that action, they be Glock-squeezin'
Red beams on his head, now his top leakin'
I heard that boy got manned down and now the opps grievin'"


Polo G - Deep Wounds
(From t'internet; 2019)



For posterity, bonus beats:

Friday, 17 May 2019

Space Age Pimpin' 4 real

Jimmy Spicer came to Earth on a meterorite, Suga Free & the atomic frog Kokane came to our square Earth in a spaceship like The Thing. Sod a Street, this is Galaxy Gospel: men are from Mars, women are from Venus, pimps are from Pluto, hoes will lick Uranus, and simps can get a metaphorical Neptune's kiss.

"First of all I'm Mr. Cushy
I catch a bitch, I break a bitch, I make her sell her pussy
N*gga, this your girlfriend
If that bitch decide to A.W.O.L right now your whole world end"


Suga Free ft. Kokane - Hole In My Heart
(From The Resurrection album; 2019)



Pink Chardonnay esquire asked if Suga Free is moshing in the video, and there's some definite Magic Don Jonathan Davis from KoRn moves goin' down - I guess you can't always Dip Da when shit is real out in the Fieldy. Anyhoo, hat tip to Suga Kane for gettin' 3/4 of the Bring It On gang back together.

Tuesday, 14 May 2019

Manchester's alright if you like saxophones

808 State - Pacific 707
(From Pacific single; 1989)



808 State don't like it when you say that Pacific is A Guy Called Gerald's song which Graham Massey played saxophone on.

A Guy Called Gerald doesn't like it when you say that Pacific is better than Voodoo Ray.

Mancunians don't like it when you say that Pacific almost single-handedly redeemed the Madchester era.

Londoners don't like it when you say that Pacific bodies any dance music from down south.

Americans don't like it when you say that Pacific bettered Chicago at its own game by truly putting the Acid into Acid House.

There were at least 5 different mixes of Pacific in 1989 alone starting with Pacific State from the Quadrastate EP, but the Pacific 707 single mix up top is the definitive one. You've gotta be a right dry-eared rando if you consider Pacific anything other than the G.O.A.T British song of the last 30 years. If a case could be made that Hip Hop kulcha's introduction to the U.K has been as inadvertently devastating as the introduction of grey squirrels to these shores, the exact opposite is true of House music - Chicago stays creating it, the U.K stays taking it and making it even better.

Friday, 10 May 2019

Boy, your bitch ugly and I heard she had 3 toes

70th Street Carlos ft. Sauce Walka - Drip On 70th Street
(From t'internet; 2019)



It's a beautiful thing when a song lives up to its teaser snippet innit? The Rou' & the Hou' uniting for a cross-country whoadie rodeo. Never liked Sauce Walka previously meself, so I'm surprised how successfully he's pivoted to WNC Berserker Bounce™ here by sounding like UNCle Whop Bezzy.

Bonus beats: Play For makes the ideal B-side to this one.

70th Street Carlos - Play For
(From t'internet; 2019)


Thursday, 9 May 2019

Generic list post: top 50 non-rap songs of the 2010s imho


Picture me waitin' until List Making Season™ to drop my best non-Rap songs of the 2010's post when I've already got 50 unfuckwithable choonz right now. I ain't enough of a generalist to be able to determine whether this was a good decade for Other Genres™, but there was a sweet 3 year run from 2013 to 2016 where my taste & popular non-Rap music realigned and I could hear loadsa my favourite songs du jour out in bars for the first time since the mid 2000's. So, raise a motherfuckin' toast to the decade when Inspector Norse went from being an underground anthem your raver m8 puts you onto to a P4k listicle token dance song to soundtracking talkSPORT segments about Mike Parry trying to lose weight.

The-Dream - Yamaha (2010)
Danzig - Black Candy (2010)
Todd Terje - Inspector Norse (2012)
Miguel - Adorn (2012)
DJ Q - JD & Coke (2012)
Ty Dolla $ign - My Cabana (O.G video version) (2012)
Robosonic & Adana Twins - La Fique (2013)
Omar-S - Thank You For Letting Me Be Myself (2013)
DJ Snake ft. Lil' Jon - Turn Down For What (2014)
DEV ft. Sage The Gemini - Kiss It (2014)
Vybz Kartel - Miami Vice Episode (2014)
D'Angelo & The Vanguard - Sugah Daddy (2014)
Usher - Good Kisser (2014)
Shaggy ft. Maxi Priest & Super Cat - Night Flight (2014)
The Kid Ryan ft. Problem & Mr. Smith - No Boundaries (2014)
Kevin MacLeod - Black Vortex (2014)
Julio Bashmore ft. J'Danna - Rhythm Of Auld (2014)
Spice - Needle Eye (2015)
David Zowie - House Every Weekend (2015)
Busy Signal - Text Message (2015)
Charli XCX - Doing It (O.G solo version) (2015)
Robin Schulz ft. Francesco Yates - Sugar (2015)
John Carpenter - Night (2015)
Justin Bieber - Sorry (2015)
Charles Bradley - Changes (2015)
Major Lazer & DJ Snake ft. MØ - Lean On (2015)
Courtney Love - Walk Out On Me (2015)
Shatta Wale - Hol' It (2015)
Chi Ching Ching - Nacho (2016)
Tinashe - Touch Pass (2016)
DāM-FunK - Hazy Stomp (2016)
Carolyn Rodriguez ft. Kap G - On The Grind (2016)
Dexta Daps - Chinese Jordan (2016)
Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla $ign - Work From Home (2016)
Kwamz & Flava - Takeover (O.G version) (2016)
Shift K3Y - Like This (2016)
Popcaan - Tight Pussy Wine (2016)
Moelogo - Penkele (2016)
Simoncino - Beyond The Dance (Mr. Fingers Dark Mix) (2016)
Maleek Berry - Kontrol (2016)
Tove Lo - Disco Tits (2017)
Diron Animal - Don't Stop (2017)
Jacquees & Dej Loaf - At The Club (2017)
8 Bit Universe - XO Tour Llif3 (2017)
Wande Coal & DJ Tunez - Iskaba (2017)
Tamia - Leave It Smokin' (2018)
Donae'o - Chalice (Martorialist edit) (2018)
Juiceboxxx - Ripping Up My Soul (2018)
Mr. Fingers - Full Moon (2018)
Kreayshawn - Not My Job (Punk Cover) (2018)

Related: the best international Rap songs of the 2010s.

Tuesday, 7 May 2019

Pop, lock, and cock it

"N*ggas buildin' walkways, you already burnt your bridge"

Baby Money - I'm Coming
(From YouTube; 2019)



Some ol' Robotic futuristic George Jetson type random Detroit street shit that Mr. Wiggles could pop & lock to.

Saturday, 4 May 2019

Computer's Putin


**Chas Smash from Madness voice** Don't watch dat, watch dis:


Suga Free & DJ Quik just dropped a threequel to Why U Bullshittin'. Read Suga Free's verse in psalm, but the refreaked production isn't strong enough to withstand needless verses by someone from the Outlawz and Quik himself. Smell my thumb.


Of course, true scholars of Pomona's Hoet Laureate know that Why U Bullshittin' Part 3 in all but name was on the Smell My Finger album.

Wednesday, 1 May 2019

Martorial Elegance: Stinkerbell's Story

♪♪ ..Post the folk-fiend singing folk, who don't know the meaning of water nor soap.. ♪♪


Really doe, fuck A$AP Folky. What's the deal with that unreleased Slick Rick Can't Dance To A Track If It Ain't Got No Soul song which was supposed to be on the deluxe reissue of The Great Adventures Of Slick Rick but has vanished from the final product? Dunno if it's really an olde demo track but it's MC Ricky D rhyming over Funkadelic's (Not Just) Knee Deep and I need to hear that shit ASAP.

Monday, 29 April 2019

Generic list post: April 2019


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Drake's Curse struck the red half of Manchester. Lads, it's Tottenham Audrey Graham. Hold on, we're going Hamburg on a thursday night.

Bizzie Boyz - Crazy Hard! (1988/2011)
Pete Rock - Street Dreams (Instrumental) (1996/2019)
Rich Blue - Kikan (2019)
Hit-Boy & SOB X RBE - Family Not A Group (2019)
Hoyt Axton - Telephone Booth (Ole Smokey Edit) (1974/2016)

Other notables: not technically a song, but I've been jammin' J Hus' Daily Duppy freestyle too ("big bunda, she in the Bundesliga"); that Children's Story demo from the deluxe reissue of Slick Rick's debut album is more like a Ruler's Back-era sequel where Rick only had time to write one verse; props to ANU for finding the first notable Baby Soulja song since Dirty; Doe Boy's Walk Down is 2019's first entry in Boyz-N-The-Hood-core canon; didn't like anything on that new Rico Nasty EP meself.

Saturday, 27 April 2019

Two reasons why that new Pete Rock instrumental album is actually notable

Pete Rock - Street Dreams (Instrumental)
(From the vaults; 1996/Return Of The SP1200M album; 2019)



1. It includes the instrumental of Pete Rock's unofficial remix of Nas & R. Kelly's Street Dreams remix. The nonce's hook sounded like a tomtit-on-a-round-of-beef over Pete's beat so Street Dreams works better as an instrumental. Might work even better still with AZ visualin' some sage Schweppervesence street ghetto essence over it, mind.

Pete Rock - Food 4 Thought (Instrumental)
(From the vaults; 199?/Return Of The SP1200M album; 2019)



2. It also includes this track which is just beggin' for someone to bless it. Pete and Max B already have chemistry together so Pete should slide Food 4 Thought to the side until Max gets outta the slammer. Biggavelz could transform this one into some transcendental waviness by reflecting on his years wasted in prison, and it'd keep his post-prison music grounded before he inevitably ends up doing generic Auto-Tune shit featuring A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie.

Thursday, 25 April 2019

The MartyRobbinstorialist

You, a square: pontificating about the predictability of Tyga hopping aboard 2019's Cowboy-Rap stagecoach.

Me, a connoisseur: listening to Soundcloud edits of deep cut gems by the old Country singer who played Billy's dad in Gremlins.

Hoyt Axton - Telephone Booth (Ole Smokey Edit)
(From Life Machine album; 1974/Soundcloud; 2016)



In a perfect world this Telephone Booth edit woulda been featured on the same Ultimate Breaks & Beats album as Bad Bascomb's Black Grass. Shit is funkier than Al Swearengen's piles.

Friday, 19 April 2019

Re-Up Gong: the best of A-Mafia Audiomack playlist

Well, this explains why Uptown's-Mr-Outta-Town A-Mafia hasn't dropped any new songs in the last 4 years - he's been too busy movin' mountains of beak in the outskirt cities of New York state. Doesn't seem likely we'll ever get any new music from the G.O.A.T Harlem henchman rapper again, so here's a re-up of my best of A-Mafia Audiomack playlist. 24 tracks dating back to the Purple City mixtapes in 2003 right up to his last song in 2015.

Wednesday, 17 April 2019

Generic list post: 10 from 2019

Shoes up, who's down for my top ten Rap tunes of 2019 so far? It's hard out here for ya host when I'm hearing casual Drakeisms creeping into all manner of Rap, and even harder when so much current Rap production doesn't fulfill its basic requirement of knocking. Thus, I ain't even exaggerating when I say that I'm treating every song in this list as a minor-miracle.


BlocBoy JB - House Party
Positive K & MC Lyte - I'm Still Not Havin' It
AZ - It's Time
Eat Em & Spitta - Side N*gga
DaBaby - Walker Texas Ranger
TREE - Backflip
Queen Key - My Way
Sada Baby & FMB DZ - Ape Drip
Quelle Chris - Obamacare
Rich Blue - Kikan

Saturday, 13 April 2019

B.I.G >>>>>> R.S.D

Notorious B.I.G - Me & My Bitch (Computer Love remix)
(From the internet; 2011)



There was never a studio version of Biggie's live performance of Me & My Bitch over Computer Love from The Show so some intrepid soul put his own bedroom blend-job together. I shoulda pressed this up on 12" for 2019 Record Store Day today, advertised it as an unreleased Bad Boy remix from 1995, sold the 12"s for £60 a pop, and watched that boutique vinylz collector sucka cash come rollin' in.

MP3 here if anyone wants it.

Tuesday, 9 April 2019

Late pass! Dance to the Ski-Beatz

"Yeah, I stole the money that ya grandmother sent ya
She tried to get it back, I punched in her dentures"


Bizzie Boyz - Crazy Hard!
(From the vaults; 1988/Rare & Unreleased '87 - '89 EP; 2011)



Now, this is a proper banger - the I'm Bad of North Carolina. Say what, you don't believe me? Yo, Scout's honour. Makes zero sense that Crazy Hard! and Brainstorm got shelved back in 1988 because they're probably the best songs the Bizzie Boyz ever recorded. Presumably the M.C Willski-era Ski of Crazy Hard was just too ig'nant for Payroll Records in '88?

"Yeah I know ya brother, I called him a punk
Had a gun to my head and I was still talkin' junk"

Saturday, 6 April 2019

Thursday, 4 April 2019

In the Soviets we drink vodka, brah!

"I'll slam a n*gga on his fuckin' neck
Give him a heart attack in his fuckin' back"


Rich Blue - Kikan
(From Out The Blue mixtape; 2019)



Maniacal Detroit stream-of-consciousness shit by the Hands Hands guy. Been waitin' on this song for the proverbial hot minute and now it's here I can't decide if it's gas or ass - maybe both? (In the Soviets, song waits for you, brah!) I guess you've gotta take the bona fide quotables with the brain-queefs.

Tuesday, 2 April 2019

Lone bloggas who candidly flip fly prose single handedly with one eye closed (no Byron Crawford)

(GEDDIT?)

MF DOOM ft. Kurious - ?
(From Operation Doomsday album; 1999)




Ayo yo, you can't stand right here, April 20th is gonna be ya man's worst nightmare. Why? Because the internet is gonna be awash with Operation Doomsday 20th anniversary articles by those corny Indie fux who hold the tragic opinion that Madvillainy is DOOM's masterpiece. Obviously it's now or never like Tela, and I ain't tryna suck the life outta your P4K pitch idea like Bauhaus' muse Bela, but please refrain from writing anything if you've ever worn a straw hat like Dana Dane's Cinderfella.

Not that the obscurist Rap contrarians who prefer the sloppy O.G 12" mixes of Hey!, Go With The Flow et al to the perfecto Operation Doomsday re-recordings aren't equally annoying as #Madvillianhive, mind. Shakedowns, lockdowns, and wet dreams of Mrs Brown for the lot of you.

PS: no straw hats ever unless you were Mac Dre.

Sunday, 31 March 2019

Generic list post: March 2019

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Scott Walker died before he could drop his song with 70th Street Carlos. Really doe, a sincere R.I.P to Ranking Roger from The Beat.

Jakki Tha Motamouth ft. Copywrite - Widespread (2000)
Max B - Take A Flick (CDQ) (2007/2015)
AzChike - Big Chop (2018)
BlocBoy JB - House Party (2019)
TREE - Backflip (2019)
Sada Baby & FMB DZ - Ape Drip (2019)

Other notables: thank fuck someone fixed the low-end problems on Queen Key's Ratchett; just getting round to the new Quelle Chris album and Obamacare seems like the obvious highlight; this Peezy song is a good example of Detroit beatjack-Rap; if nothing else, there's now a 2019 Rap song which samples the Twilight Zone theme; heartwarming to hear Young Bleed & Max Minelli together again; kinda prefer the Mouse On Tha Track instrumental of this AK Da Ace & 70th Street Carlos song.

Friday, 29 March 2019

Who shot Phats & Small? If we don't get 'em they gon' get us all

It's bigger than HIP HOP HIP HOP today. As Canibus nearly once said, Stardust's Music Sounds Better With You was the most overrated song I've ever heard in my life because the greatest Filter-House choon of all time dropped on March 29th 1999:

Phats & Small ft. Vanessa Feltz's future husband - Turn Around
(From Now Phats What I Small Music album; 1999)



Officially 20 years old today this tune. If FACT Mag doesn't drop an oral history of Turn Around anniversary article in the next 24 hours then they're the police.. actual FACT! Remember dem dayz when Britain could waltz right into continental Europe and snatch a sub-genre from right under Johnny Foreigner's nose? Turn Around is Nigel Farage's utopian Brexit in audio form innit.

Thursday, 28 March 2019

Shout out to Karate Joe

TREE - Backflip
(From We Grown Now album; 2019)



Have a load of Hong Kong TREEey here on my favourite sing-sang song by him in yonks. I got crazy visions for the video, BOOM: it's TREE sittin' in a rocking chair on a porch while The Wongs from The Wanderers and the Ruff Ryders roster circa 2000 indulge in some Kung Fu fighting on TREE's lawn. Obviously the video would be the trailer for a spin-off movie called Enter The Drag-On.

Tuesday, 26 March 2019

Born To Audiomack: 2019 late pass! (so far)


If you know me then you'll already know that I'm constantly dipping back into the past like Rodney in Goodnight Sweetheart. Thus, here's a playlist of my favourite new-to-me discoveries of 2019 so far. Has somebody farted? No, this playlist is just THE shit.

Bizzie Boyz - Brainstorm [1988/2011]
Filthy Phil - Deadgiveaway [1992]
Jakki Tha Motamouth ft. Copywrite - Widespread [2000]
Dubee & Mac Dre - You Ain't My Dog [2001]
Cam'Ron ft. Ted Dibiase & Frank Muller - Oh Boy (Philly Remix) [2002]
Husalah - Inshallah (In God's Will) [2003]
Max B - Take A Flick (CDQ) [2007/2015]
Pablo Skywalkin - No Big Homie [2017]
AzChike - Big Chop [2018]
Eat Em & Spitta - Side N*gga [2018]

Thursday, 21 March 2019

Crap De Rap Show


In lieu of the news that only 2 members of Stetsasonic turned up to their live show at the Jazz Cafe in London last night (and neither of them were Daddy-O), here's some hypothetical nightmare live Rap shows which probably will happen one day because most rappers are lazy scam-artists.

Onyx.. but it's just a hologram of Big DS (R.I.P, natch.)

Eric B. & Rakim.. but it's just Eric B with Rakim-soundalike The Wizard Of Rap, and the show is a front-to-back performance of Eric's shitty R&B solo album.

Capone-N-Noreaga.. but it's actually their weed carriers Musaliny-N-Maze performing their C-grade 2001 Neptunes single 10 times in a row.

Brand Nubian.. but only Lord Jamar turns up and he's got DJ Vlad with him instead of DJ Alamo. After Jamar's performed Dance To My Ministry he spends the rest of the show complaining to Vlad about teh gays and Young Thug's skirt.

3rd Bass.. but it's MC Serch with Michael Rappaport.

MF DOOM.. but it's actually Dart Adams in a DOOM mask and he spends the entire duration of the show ranting about how he's the only person alive who knows the correct U.S release dates for 80's video games.

Slaughterhouse.. but you thought it was a Royca Da 5'9 solo show, so now you have to watch Joe fucking Budden & the other 2 useless bums perform live because you've paid £18 and you at least wanna hear Royce play Boom.

Wednesday, 20 March 2019

The Fixxers 2K19

"These bitches ain't got no finesse in they bones, I been the best in my zone"

Queen Key - Ratchett
(From Eat My Pussy Again album; 2019)



Round of applause for Queen Key & ChaseTheMoney. Fuck what you heard previously, they've fixed the distorted bass on this joint so it's now possible to bump that shit without causing cracks in your nearest windows.