Wednesday, 31 January 2018

Generic list post: January 2018

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when #TeamMartorialist found themselves on a dance floor with Ainsley Harriot. Fun fact: the king of supermarket couscous knows every word to California Love.

Mac Dre - Outrages (2002)
70th Street Carlos - I Bet U Won't (Remix) (2017)
Que Almighty ft. JMM Larry & 70th Street Carlos - Don't Start No Shit (2018)
Maine Musik - Soulja Slim Flow 2 (2018)
Payroll Giovanni & Cardo - In Me, Not On Me (2018)
Kwamz & Flava - Shooooo Freestyle (2018)

Other notables: lemme get a no Auto-Tune mix of Crash Out by OMB Peezy & the Sherwood lads because "that funny voice shit" erases everything which makes Peezy so distinct; sorry SOB X RBE, but Foxy Brown already recorded the definitive Cruel Summer flip back in 2003; listened to those two new Creek Boyz tracks and came to the conclusion that they're currently a One Song Wonder™ in the vein of Sicko Mobb, imho; Don't even need to hear the new Migos album to know that it's a 2018 equivalent of a late '90s Das EFX double disc; No idea who Odee is, but in the video for his Janky Individual song he's wearing a Puma tracksuit version of the Chopper Suit.

Friday, 26 January 2018

Very brief thoughts on that new Migos album

Everyone who pretended that Migos have EVER released a full length project with more than two good songs on it now have the LP they deserve: the album which goes on forever. Forever ever? Forever never seemed that long in comparison to Culture II's track listing.

Of course a certain someone was warning about glib idiots overrating Migos full lengths back in 2014.

Tuesday, 23 January 2018

70th Street Carlos still #TeamKevinGates

"Look, I just popped a perc, it make me feel good
I fucked my cousin and I still would"


Que Almighty ft. JMM Larry & 70th Street Carlos - Don't Start No Shit
(From YouTube; 2018)



The entire Put That On Gang band is back together again on their Funky 3 + 1 type shit. Trel Itz A Hit really does have an uncanny knack for reassembling the classic motifs of Louisiana rap production in fresh new patterns: don't start no shit, but do Do The James 2k18.

Monday, 22 January 2018

Generic list post: 5 fives (the proof is in the posting)


Proof that SOB X RBE didn't start a "new Bay Area sound":
DB Tha General - Intro (2007)
D-Lo - U Already Kno Doe (2009)
NhT Boyz - DJ (2010)
DJ Upgrade ft. Rico Tha Kidd - Hey Girl (2012)
Ezale - 5 Minutes Of Funktown (2013)

Proof that Ego Trip's best singles lists missed a buncha legit classics:
Ice-T - High Rollers (1988)
Too $hort - The Ghetto (1990)
Digable Planets - 9th Wonder (Blackitolism) (1994)
Thug Life - Pour Out A Little Liquor (1994)
Camp Lo - Luchini (AKA This Is It) (1996)

Proof that Ego Trip's best singles lists missed a buncha legit classics 2:
Ice Cube - It Was A Good Day (1992)
UGK - Pocket Full Of Stones (Pimp C Mix) (1993)
Tha Dogg Pound - What Would U Do (1994)
Slick Rick ft. Doug E. Fresh - Sittin' In My Car (1994)
Big Mike ft. Pimp C - Havin' Thangs (1994)

Proof that Tha Carter 2.5 is an underrated mixtape:
Lil' Wayne - Ain't Got Time (2006)
Lil' Wayne - Cash Money N*gga (2006)
Lil' Wayne ft. Birdman - BM J.R Part 2 (2006)
Lil' Wayne ft. Curren$y - Talk That Shit (2006)
Lil' Wayne - That Somebody (2006)

Proof that the Rap Music Hysteria blog needs to return:
OMB Peezy - Lay Down (2016)
WNC Carlos ft. JMM Larry & SOG Sherwood Flame - Cross Me (2016)
BallGreezy - Shone (2007)
Chi Ching Ching - Roast Or Fry (Breadfruit) (2015)
Rosco P. Coldchain - I Can't Help (2003)

That last 5 is a roundabout way of saying that there hasn't been a Rap Music Hysteria post since october. That's a huge pity since RMH host SE was the first person to post songs by the WNC crew and OMB Peezy, which basically means he's more important than 99% of the self-styled tastemakers on the rap internet.

Friday, 19 January 2018

Homeboy, I'll make ya famous

Fuck breakdancing, Famous Amos' I Bet U Wont challenge videos are the official 4th element of Hip Hop kulcha now. Has any member of the Rock Steady Crew ever danced in a moving vehicle? No? Then I rest my case, y'honour.


Fall back 4 elementz survivalists because breakdancing was only ever any good within the context of Style Wars. After that it's just a bunch of Japs, Krauts, and Brits rolling around on the floor together, gurning and grabbin' their nutz.

Wednesday, 17 January 2018

Missy Elliot's back catalogue was mah spot

If old Timbaland productions are gonna get gaffled, then it's better for everybody concerned if U.K Afrobeats artists of Ghanaian descent do the gafflin' rather than XXXtentpoletudor weed carriers. Respect to the jack king JD, but Shithole Countries™ FTW in 2018.

Kwamz & Flava - Shooooo Freestyle
(From YouTube; 2018)



Bonus Timbaland beats: who caught John Barnes shakin' it like Louise Woodward when Ginuwine performed Pony live in the Celebrity Big Brother house last week? I hope Heaven got a WiFi signal so tha gawd Gary Warnett can see this:


Actual facts relax: Louise Woodward and John Barnes used to be real life neighbours in the early noughties. They don't call ya host Dead Perez for nothin'.

Monday, 15 January 2018

No sample cleared

Nice & Smooth - We Are No. 1
(From Nice & Smooth album; 1989)



Dunno if anybody else has noticed this, but Nice & Smooth's We Are No. 1 seems to have been removed from all streaming services. Why couldn't God have taken Something I Can't Explain instead, right? Think of We Are No. 1 as one of the first successful attempts at Boom-Wop, just don't think of calling the lawyers representing Joe Cocker's estate.

Anybody else got any examples of random songs from rap albums which have been removed from streaming services due to sample clearance?

Wednesday, 10 January 2018

Generic list post: 1988 was 30 years ago!

30 legit jams from the year that Heathers was released, Kenneth Williams was declared deceased, and the number of great rap albums significantly increased.

Slick Rick - The Moment I Feared
Eric B. & Rakim - Lyrics Of Fury
N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton
Eazy-E - Eazy-Er Said Than Dunn
EPMD - You Gots To Chill
LL Cool J - Jack The Ripper
Public Enemy - Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos
Run D.M.C - Beats To The Rhyme
Ice-T - Drama
Ultramagnetic M.C's - Kool Keith Housing Things
Marley Marl ft. The Juice Crew - The Symphony
Kool G. Rap & D.J. Polo - Poison
Big Daddy Kane - Set It Off
Biz Markie - Vapors (LP Version)
MC Shan - So Def
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince - Brand New Funk
45 King ft. MC La Kim - We Got The Funk
Lakim Shabazz - All True And Living
Queen Latifah - Wrath Of My Madness
Too $hort - City Of Dope
Positive K ft. King Of Chill - Step Up Front (3 Heineken Technique)
MC Lyte - Paper Thin
J.V.C. Force - Strong Island
Sir Mix-A-Lot - Posse On Broadway
Jungle Brothers - Because I Got It Like That
De La Soul - Jenifa Taught Me (Derwin's Revenge)
Tuff Crew - My Part Of Town
Doug E. Fresh & The Get Fresh Crew - Keep Rising To The Top
Cool C - Down To The Grissle
Tone Loc - Wild Thing

Sunday, 7 January 2018

I got a bucket but that bih feel foreign

70th Street Carlos - I Bet You Won't (Remix)
(From t'internet; 2017)



Like the Laughing Stock lads once said - Life's What You Make It. This shit's nutty like Carlos is the pecan mane, so ya host had to give this one more than a mere honourable mention. Very raer modern remix which is a remix in the traditional sense of the word.

Thursday, 4 January 2018

Rob Peter to pay lipservice to Paul

"Post Malone wanna be black
He gettin' rap money, but he tryna downplay rap
*Ima smack him!*
Paul Rosenberg called him out on that
I hope G-Eazy don’t do nothing stupid like that
*He better not!*"


Uncle Murda - Rap Up 2017
(From t'internet; 2017)



Dead @ Uncle Murda confusing Peter Rosenberg with Paul Rosenberg on his 2017 Rap Up. Nine minutes long, though? Are they pressing this up in a Sugar Hill Records sleeve for Record Store Day 2018 or summat?

Tuesday, 2 January 2018

I Bet U Won't look good on the dancefloor

The data has been compiled, the numbers have been crunched, and the conclusion is official: the I Bet U Won't Challenge was officially the best viral dance #challenge of 2017. Best song, funniest videos, most durability over the span of 12 months, first opportunity to point out that Peter Pan Dan is really Turkish from Arsenal Fan TV in disguise. You did it, Baton Rouge, you did it!


Here at The Martorialist we can forgive/forget Mouse's awful 2017 album of Atlantafied industry pandering purely off the strength of I Bet U Won't blowing up.