Generic list post: December 2023

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when Scarface's Tiny Desk performance had me in two minds. The right hemisphere of my brain says "damn, Scarface killed this!" But the left hemisphere of my brain says "I'd much prefer this if he were backed by a DJ playing the instrumentals rather than a buncha session musicians!" Live rap performances with backing bands always sound too Later With Jools Holland for my liking.

Jay Tee ft. Mac Dre - Do The Crew (1990/2018)
Mic Terror ft. Bruus - Big Steppas (2023)
ShyBelligerent - Son Of A Bitch (2023)
Myaap ft. Lil RB - Wham (2023)
Luh Tyler ft. Latto - The Grinch (2023)
The Wild Magnolias - Injuns, Here We Come (1975)

Other stuff: I dropped my best songs of 2023 list, my 2023 late pass list and my best movies and TV shows of 2023 list. I also sung the praises of Ice Ice Baby as one of Rap's best One Song Wonders™. Meanwhile, over on The Spartorialist, King Kos dropped a best 2023 movies list, a worst 2023 movies list and a best 2023 home releases list.

I was flipping through the Daily Mirror this past friday and Garry Bushell had the Danny Brown & JPEG Mafia LP as one of his favourite albums of the year. Gotra be the only time I've looked at a newspaper in 2023 and laughed. The selection makes sense tho - of course Mr. "OI!" punk himself is gonna like a rapper/producer who wears Dr. Martens boots.

Dont mind me...

(It was irking me that this was an edited bolt-on to my 2023 late pass list so I decided to tidy house by giving it it's own post. By name I'm Messy Mart, but by nature I keep 'em clean tho like Lil' Fame. Me & this song are already in too deep together, and when I say in too deep I ain't talkin' about Sum 41's best single, boiiiiiiiii.)

Yohan popped up in my comments to skool me that there's a CDQ version of Jay Tee & Mac Dre's Do The Crew. Now THAT'S a magical Mac Dre manifestation for my ears. Proto Ain't No Fun (If the Homies Can't Have None) freaky telly tales. Jonny Z, yous a fool for this one.

Jay Tee ft. Mac Dre - Do The Crew
(From Sig Tapes; 1990/Do The Crew single; 2018)


The Sig Tape joint I really want a CDQ version of is Ride To This by The MAC. Best song he ever recorded no IMHO necessary. Pretty sure a semi-CDQ version exists already because Khayree played a snippet of it during the This Is The MAC interlude thingy on Dre's Young Black Brotha compilation.

Bless the M.I.C

"Head shot - welcome to the Terror dome
I study occult science that was never known
Heroin on the pavement that I'm steppin' on
Listen to me speak to the rhythm of a metronome
I can see your future in a bag of bones
You gonna end up buried in the catacombs"

Mic Terror ft. Bruus - Big Steppas
(From Big Steppas single; 2023)


Good way for Mic Terror to end his productive 2023: one last single produced by none other than Panik from Molemen. Sip the Juice, Molemen still got beats to go around. Call M.T Captain Hook because he knows how to write a boss chorus, most of your favourites don't.

The Titty Song ended being my 2023 Mic T jam of choice. Mic & Gzus Piece snapped when they made that video no f**kin' doubt, those visuals could put a Jack Nicholson smile on The Grouch.

The best movies and TV of 2023

The Doors and Love during their Polish tour, December 1968.

Contrary to popular demand, the Martorialist best movies & television awards are back! Nowadays I have a "it's complicated" relationship with movies/television: unless I'm indulging in my annual rewatch of Casino I will never sit through another 3 hour movie in my life, and because I don't use Netflix, Amazon or Disney+, I'm limited to what I catch at the cinema/on British TV/on my m8 Deezy's Plex server. This means I'll occasionally miss out on a promising movie, but also means I've never wasted a second of my life watching a trendy mediocre streaming TV series. As Big L nearly said, anti-FOMO, that's a no-no! As a result, I don't always see what I want, but I always manage to see what I need, and ya boi needed these movies and shows in 2023. As always, no specific order of preference.

Best movies of 2023 IMHO:
Talk To Me
Godzilla Minus One
Reality
No One Will Save You

Best TV shows of 2023 IMHO:
What We Do In The Shadows (season five)
Ghosts (season 5)
Ghosts (Christmas finale episode)
Colin From Accounts (series 1)
Boiling Point (series 1)
The Bear (season 2)
Jury Duty (season 1)
Doctor Who - The Star Beast (episode)
Doctor Who - Wild Blue Yonder (episode)
Doctor Who (The Church On Ruby Road episode)
Planet Earth III (all episodes)
Only Connect (2023 episodes)
Match Of The Day 1 and 2 (2023 episodes)

* The BBC licence fee is worth every penny for the sport, documentaries, dramas, imports, quiz shows and their archives on iPlayer. Shout outs to the latter because I finally got around to watching all 5 series of People Just Do Nothing and a buncha old 60s/70s Doctor Who stories I'd not seen before.

* I like the 2023 reboot of Neighbours but I don't love it yet. At least Micha Barton's character didn't last long because there's something very jarring about hearing a Yank accent in Neighbours.

* My best cinema experience of 2023: seeing the 4k reissue of Joe Massot's 1981 documentary about the British 2 Tone Ska scene Dance Craze on the big screen. You better believe that's the best live concert footage of The Specials you'll ever see, and it had me green with jealousy of anyone who got to see The Specials, Madness or The Beat live between 1979 and 1982.

* My worst cinema experience of 2023: paying to see The Killer on the big screen. A bargain bucket (hat) Le Samourai which had me enduring the sound of Morrissey's singing through gritted teeth. Fuk that movie, everyone who made it and anyone who luv it.

* If we're talkin' movies and TV then my fellow ex-baby blue alumni Party Sparty AKA Harry Twist Of Cain is the illest blogger.

* Special shout out to the Mo Farah episode of Big Zuu's Big Eats where Mo dropped science that pilau rice & chopped banana is the Somalian equivalent of fish & chips. A game-changer for me - no question, the combination makes my taste buds sing.

* That Ghosts finale episode hit the spot, but it's not my favourite Ghosts yuletide special or even my favourite yuletide-themed of 2023. This got me thinking about my own personal pantheon of Christmas-themed TV classics. All I want for Christmas is 12 gold teeth, a fresh candy blue jeep, a .44 heat, and these festive TV treats:

G.O.A.T Christmas-themed TV episodes IMHO:
The Twilight Zone (The Night Of The Meek episode) (1960)
Porridge (No Way Out episode) (1975)
Only Fools & Horses (Thicker Than Water episode) (1983)
Blackadder's Christmas Carol (1988)
Rab C. Nesbitt (Seasonal Greet episode) (1989)
Round The Twist (Santa Claws episode) (1989)
The Simpsons (Marge Be Not Proud episode) (1995)
Seinfeld (The Strike episode) (1997)
The X-Files (How The Ghosts Stole Christmas episode) (1998)
OZ (Out o' Time episode) (1999)
Christmas With The Royle Family (1999)
The Sopranos (To Save Us All From Satan's Power episode) (2001)
Everybody Hates Chris (Everybody Hates Christmas episode) (2005)
The Wire (Final Grades episode) (2006)
Peep Show (Seasonal Beatings episode) (2010)
Wellington Paranormal (Christmas Special) (2019)
Ghosts (The Ghost Of Christmas) (2020)
The Bear (Fishes episode) (2023)

Those are the best, but what are the worst? Let's talk turkeys.

My Mind Spray 13

Someone told me I should have included Ice Spice's Deli in my 2023 songs list. I dislike that song for the same reason I disliked Pop Smoke's Welcome To The Party: it's the sound of a New Yorker reciting a buncha generic Instagram captions + luxury Eurotrash brands over a beat which deserved far better. Much like dying, there's 6 million ways a rapper can ruin a great beat.

JayQuan reckons Kurtis Blow's 1980 performance of Christmas Rappin' on Top Of The Pops was #actually live rather than lip-synced. If JQ is right then that means it's the first #actually live rap performance on television ever, predating Funky 4 + 1's appearance on Saturday Night Live by a year. See - the U.K really was an early adopter of rap music.

The most impressive trick Yams ever pulled was convincing us that the rappers in A$AP Mob were big Houston rap aficionados. It quickly transpired that Ferg was laughably clueless and I betcha the only Houston Rap Rocky has ever listened to is Paul Wall's verse on KanYe Pest's Drive Slow. So, it's a testament to Yams' creative vision that he managed to coax Trilla out of those vacuous hacks because that song legitimately sounds like a 2004 Swishahouse posse cut.

Occasionally Rap Genius does come in handy for skoolin' an ignorant Brit like me on 'Murican sports references in rap songs. Case in point: Shaq's "I did it for kicks like my position was Vinatieri's" line from Coyote's 3 Lokos. Expecting me to have a clue who Adam Vinatieri is would be like me expecting David Drake to have a clue who Alan Shearer is.

Whoever holds the rights to 45 King's vaults needs to release the explicit version of his 1997 EP with Lady Champain. Only ever releasing the clean version of it? Like the dearly-departed Maori man said: How Bizarre!

The obligatory best Rap songs of 2023 post

After The Show, it's the La Di Da Di
Then after the La Di Da Di it's the Hotel, Motel lobby
Then after the Gin & Juice it's time for a piss
And after the late pass discoveries songs then it's time for this...
Yes ma, no Martorialist siesta. Sometimes I feel I should change my name to Mart Adams the way I dislike so much current Rap. Then I'll find a couple of new legit jams and it feels like I've stumbled on some 8th wonders of the world. Maybe I'm a hater, or maybe a lotta people will listen to any old current shite as long as it's by an ageing New Yorker/a teenage gangbanger/Drake/an indistinguishable street guy from Michigan/Earl Sweatshirt & his m8s/a freestyling content-creator. I'm not immune to songs by some of the aforementioned rappers, but other Rap songs are available. So, in no specific order, here's the Rap songs which soundtracked my year including the customary handful of Rap songs which dropped right at the end of the previous year.

Like I said last time around, year end lists are supposed to be a record of your favourite songs, not a résumé of every new song you've listened to four times in the last twelve months. Lemme break it down like dis: a year end list which is undiscerning to the point of being disingenuous deserves to be gently dissed dunnit? Thus, I propse a new rule for all fellow list-making OCD nerds higher echelon Rap connoisseurs: if you didn't like a song enough to buy or rip the MP3 then it doesn't belong in your year end list.

IF U A RESPECTABLE HIGHER ECHELON RAP CONNOISSEUR WHO HANDLE YO BIZ AND TAKE JUDICIOUS CARE OF YO MP3 FOLDERS U LAPHING AND LUVING THIS POST! IF U MAD U THE ONE IM TALKIN BOUT!!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Best Rap songs of 2023 no IMHO necessary:
TREE - 10 Mac 11's
Lebra Jolie - What Kinda
Day Day Sustaaa ft. Eatem - Get Somebody Else To Do It
Max B ft. DJ Drama - Lemonade
Coi Leray - Players
Nef The Pharaoh ft. LARussell - Furley Goat
Sexyy Red - Shake Yo Dreads
Zae Shakur - Donuts In A Benz
Coyote ft. Shaquille O'Neal - 3 Lokos
Homeboy Sandman - Then We Broke Up
P-Lo - Regular
Kaliii ft. DJ Smallz 732 - KToven
Kookei - So Icy
Berner ft. The Jacka - Gone (remix)
Myaap - HTS
Lord Sko - Pimp Socks
Rae Sremmurd - Flaunt It/Cheap
MoneyBagg Yo ft. GloRilla - On Wat U On
Slimeroni - Freak Like Me
Luh Tyler ft. Trapland Pat - Can't Move Wrong
iCandy - Keep Dat N*gga
Mic Terror ft. Gzus Piece - The Titty Song
Gzus Piece - Rich Off Drugs
Lil' Ricefield - Him Burton
BeatKing ft. Sukihana, Diamond & Princess - On Yo Head (remix)
Suga Free & Kokane - Bitch In Da Trunk
BigXthaPlug - Texas
Poe Whosaine - You Bad If You Thought Different
TisaKorean - uHhH HuH.MP3
Curren$y & Jermaine Dupri - Essence Fest
Capolow - You Hear Me Now?
RMC Mike - I'm Back
2Humpy & 2Rare - 2Humpy Anthem
Yuno Miles - Party All Night (video version)

Best non 'Murican Rap songs of 2023 no IMHO necessary:
J Hus - It's Crazy
Dave & Central Cee - Sprinter
Nines - Calendar
CASisDEAD - Venom
Busy Signal ft. M24 - Badman Ting

Best Other Genres™ songs of 2023 no IMHO necessary:
Peggy Gou - (It Goes Like) Nanana
Real Lies - Valentine
Everything But The Girl - Nothing Left To Lose
Kenya Grace - Strangers
Donae'o - Let There Be Light
Tyla - Water
Tinashe - Needs
The Guy - Sorry Buddy
Mean Jeans - I Don't Give A Shit Anymore

Tha blog is hot, but it's cold out here for doz of us who don't do Twitter or whatever. If you've enjoyed this list in any way then gimme a link plz. EOY season is like Heaven - everybody wanna get a seat. How you make it to the gates and forget Marty?

Bonus beats: I only made a few Born To Audiomack playlists this year, but they were all great. Tell me, have you heard them? Yeah, they put together by me, but on the lo they belong to listener folks and their lugholes.

The 45 King - five deep cuts
Various - original bangers better than the official versions
Various - lesser-celebrated songs by Martorialist faves
Cousin Fik - Quinary Of Quality
Nef The Pharoah - best of Neffy
Day Day Sustaaa - Quinary Of Quality

The 2023 late pass awards

This is the first year in forever where I didn't discover an old Mac Dre song I'd never heard before/previously slept on. It wasn't for lack of listening, more that I'm thoroughly versed on all Dre's albums nowadays, and my well is running dry on his deeper/posthumous cuts which aren't sullied by guest verses from his guys & goons. Here's hoping mentioning his absence will magically manifest a sick Dre solo slap into my ears before 2023 becomes a citizen of Hades. Until then, here's some old songs which became new favourites this year - the songs which now regularly soundtrack my IRL exploits and make me feel like I've been living life in false contentment without them.

Best non-2023 Rap songs I discovered in 2023:
Fab Five Freddy - Sucker M.C's freestyle (1983)
MC Lyte - I Cram To Understand U 1990 (DJ DOC remix) (1990)
Tung Twista - Back 2 School (1992)
Children Of The Corn - Fair One Part 2 (1994)
DA Smart - Walk Wit Me (1997)
Big Pokey - Hardest Pit (1999)
Andre Nickatina - Awake Like An Owl (2000)
Drama - Big Ball (2001)
Dizzee Rascal - Street Fighter (CDQ version) (2002/2023)
Big Scoob ft. Celph Titled - Floss Filthy (2003)
Devin The Dude - Gotta Be Me (2010)
Kamaiyah & Capolow - Finer Things (2020)
Z-Ro ft. Shaquille O'Neal - Stop The Rain (2020)
Day Day Sustaaa - B.A.N.P (2022)

Best non-2023 Other Genres™ songs I discovered in 2023:
Eddie Floyd - On A Saturday Night (1968)
Thin Lizzy - Showdown (1974)
Fred Wesley & The Horny Horns - Say Blow By Blow Backwards (1979)
The Specials - Concrete Jungle (live) (1980)
Denny Crockett & Ike Egan - The Curse Of The Gods (1981)
Naked Raygun - Rat Patrol (1984)
Paul Hardcastle - King Tut (1985)
Foul Play - Open Your Mind (Tango remix) (1993)
Philip Brophy - Shaan (1993)
Cadillac Dale - Whatever (Bass Soliloquy) (1995)
S-J - I Feel Divine (Dem 2 remix) (1997)
Dag Nasty - One Hundred Punks (2002)
Real Lies - World Peace (2015)
Turnstile - Dance Off (2021)

Bonus beats: shout out to Party Sparty for posting The Web by Abie "Available" Baker AKA the song with the Sleazy Trumpet Horns™ sampled on The Pharcyde's 4 Betta Or 4 Worse.

Switches of Beatwick

BeatKing ft. Sukihana, Princess & Diamond - On Yo Head (remix)
(From the internet; 2023)


I ain't tryna get all Black Eyed Peas on youse lot, but where is the love for this song? The Texan equivalent of ah slumper, this is one of 2023's most ig'nant Rap songs. It's also far superior to the original version and not just because BeatKing reunited Princess & Diamond from Crime Mob - the original suffered from a beat-switch which sucked all the energy outta that shit. It's 2023 and rappers are still making the rookie mistake of recording songs with beat-switches where the 2nd beat is an anti-climax. The trick is that two different beats in the SAME DAMN SONG will only consolidate if both beats are of equal quality and the beat which closes the song is the 'ardest. Rappers need to study Andre Nickatina & San Quinn's Saw A Gangsta Cry as an example of how beat-switches should be done.

Andre Nickatina ft. San Quinn - Saw A Gangsta Cry
(From These R The Tales album; 2000)

Andre Nickatina · Saw A Gangsta Cry

My Mind Spray 12.5

Ezale still hasn't dropped a song in 2023 despite teasing a handful of snippets over the last 12 months. Me, I'm fiendin' for that fun, fun, fun song from the Mike Tyson video. Will he drop it before the year ends? Let's find out.

It's unfortunate that 80% of Hip-Hop fans couldn't care less about 80s Rap. But it's even more unfortunate than most of the Hip-Hop fans who do care about 80s Rap are those irritating raer vinylz blokes who don't listen to anything made before 1986. I'll never take "REAL HIP-HOP" chatter serious from self-styled 80s experts who don't know their Errol "Pumpkin" Bedward from their Egyptian Lover.

My faith in the British public was somewhat restored when J Hus & Drake's Who Told You didn't become the MONSTER ANTHEM everyone expected. You can fool Drake fans 99% of the time, but even the plebs who listen to That Canadian Nonce™ agreed that his appalling/rambling verse completely ruined the song.

It'd be cool if Special Ed's current viral talking-head status caused one of his old songs to blow up. Ideally it would be the Freaky Flow remix because it's a top two Primo remix ever and "get on my nerves like pets" is one of the realest lines ever committed to music.

Did Big Choo ever drop his revamp of Dolamite's Hustlas? I genuinely don't know because that fat bastard blocked me on Instagram when I asked him why he kept posting teaser videos for the song for 3 years straight but would never drop it. Even the song's producer Blaza Da Beat Contractor was getting pissed off with Choo and then died before Choo dropped it.

The Ice Is Right

Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby (live)
(From Top Of The Pops TV show; 1990)


Say what you want about Vanilla Ice, but this clip of him performing live on British TV proves he could rhyme and dance at the SAME DAMN TIME! It's a performance every bit as good as 3rd Bass doing The Gas Face on Arsenio Hall's show, and it lends credence to my theory that the real reason MC Serch hated Vanilla Ice was because Ice was a far better dancer than him (plus Ice had a better flat-top hairdoo.) There's nowt more pathetic than a white boi rapper who turnt green with jealousy.

In hindsight, I probably should have included Ice Ice Baby in my One Song Wonders™ list. The thing about Ice Ice Baby is that everybody liked the song when it first dropped. And why wouldn't we? That shit was/is a legitimately great Rap single where a Zack Morris-type saltine with an aerodynamic flat-top borrowed the High Rollers flow to spray arrogance over the Under Pressure intro. And for that we should be thankful because only ur dad could possibly prefer Freddie Mercury & David Bowie's singing to Vanilla Ice's rhyming. It's this simple: other than Trevor Horn & Anne Dudley, Pink Floyd, Talk Talk, Peter Gabriel's So album, one Yes single, three Kate Bush singles and one Bowie single, the English middle classes have always made embarrassingly bad music. The rest of them should have sodded off back to drama school.

One point I will concede about Ice Ice Baby is that most of the graffiti in the video is pure toy-town shite. That's some "never forgive action" since Goldie was living in Miami at the time and was regularly joined by his New York writer m8s like Brim and T-Kid.

Generic list post: November 2023

(The Gallagher brothers during Oasis' first American tour, 1994.)

Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when I was busy watching vintage Doctor Who after the BBC put hundreds of old episodes up on iPlayer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Devin The Dude - Gotta Be Me (2010)
Mic Terror - Sippin' My Tea (video) (2021/2023)
Lord Sko - Pimp Socks (2023)
BeatKing ft. Sukihana, Diamond & Princess - On Yo Head (remix) (2023)
Yuno Miles - Party All Night (2023)
Cadillac Dale - Whatever (Bass Soliloquy) (1995)
Paul Hardcastle - London Chimes (1999)
Real Lies - Shirley Road (2023)
The Guy - Sorry Buddy (2023)

Other notables: I put together a best of Nef The Pharaoh playlist and a list of my 50 favourite One Song Wonders™.

PS: R.I.P Shane McGowan. Loved you in The Prisoner and them episodes of Columbo you were in.

I didn't like sundays

Real Lies - Shirley Road
(From Sinking Suburb EP; 2023)

Real Lies · Shirley Road

Highlight of the new EP by Pet Shop Sad Bois IMHO. An oral history of provincial hometown sundaze then-and-now which proves that nobody currently does British kitchen-sink melancholia musik better than Real Lies. Tempted to say Shirley Road is the best Forza RL song of 2023. But I can't because Valentine exists dunnit? RELOAD!!!

Real Lies - Valentine
(From Various - RIFT Two compilation; 2023)

Real Lies · Valentine

Generic list post: fifty One Song Wonders™

Inspired by my recent post about Gemini's Me N Da Girlz, here's a celebration of fifty Martorialist favourite One Song Wonders™. One Song Wonders™ are not the same as One Hit Wonders© even though plenty of One Hit Wonders© happen to be One Song Wonders™ - it's irrelevant whether the one song in question was a hit or a flop, what matters is that the song in question jams, knocks, thumps, cranks or cracks. It's also irrelevant whether the One Song Wonder™ recorded a couple of songs or a sprawling catalogue of songs, what matters is that they have that one incredible song which bodies everything else they ever recorded. An all-Rap One Song Wonders™ list would be kinda boring for me to put together, so I've cast my net further afield. Warning: this list contains a trigger for fanboys of a certain lazy late 2000s rapper.

The Phantom - Love Me (1960)
The Trashmen - Surfin' Bird (1963)
The Jynx - How (1964)
Martin Slavin - Space Adventure Part 2 (1966)
The Attraction - She's A Girl (1966)
The Winstons - Amen Brother (1969)
Bad Bascomb - Black Grass (1973)
The Honey Drippers - Impeach The President (1973)
Miami - Chicken Yellow (1974)
The Flys - Love And A Molotov Cocktail (1978)
Mavis John - Use My Body (1980)
Glory - Let's Get Nice (7" edit) (1981)
Planet Patrol - Play At Your Own Risk (1982)
Extra T's - E.T Boogie (1982)
Disco Four - Throwdown (1983)
Yes - Owner Of A Lonely Heart (1983)
Z-3 MC's - Triple Threat (1985)
Robert Tepper - There's No Easy Way Out (1985)
The Showboys - Drag Rap (1986)
Sugar Bear - Don't Scandalize Mine (1988)
Lord Alabaski - Top Gun (1989)
Junei - Let's Ride (1989)
The Family Stand - Ghetto Heaven (Soul II Soul remix) (1990)
The Chimes - Heaven (1990)
Sounds Of Blackness - Optimistic (1991)
Aretha Daye ft. MC Chan - No More (Making Love) (1991)
U.K Apache ft. Shy FX - Original Nuttah (1994)
Skee-Lo - I Wish (1995)
Ghost Town DJ's - My Boo (1996)
The East Flatbush Project - Tried By 12 (1996)
Roy Davis Jr ft. Peven Everett - Gabriel (Live Garage Version) (1996)
Richie Thumbs ft. The LOX & Mo Money - Thumbs Up! (1997)
Reflection Eternal ft. Mos Def & Mr. Man - Fortified Live (1997)
Problem Child - When She Hears This Tape (1999)
Mr. Oizu - Flat Beat (1999)
Roots Manuva - Witness (1 Hope) (2001)
The Streets - Weak Become Heroes (2002)
DJ Webstar ft. Young B & The Voice Of Harlem - Chicken Noodle Soup (2006)
Rock D The Legend ft. Big Boi - DDT (That Hoe) (2007)
Jae Millz - Sober (2009)
Jay Electronica - Exhibit C (2009)
Red Cafe ft. Pete Rock - Heart & Soul Of New York City (2010)
Mysonne - In Jail (2011)
Ghost8800 - Sonic Boom (video mix) (2012)
Big Sean - Paradise (single version) (2014)
New Age Muzik - Da Beat (2016)
Team Toon ft. Ya Boi Big Choo - My Hot Girl (2016)
Ether Da Connect ft. Fivio Foreign & Mr. Swipey - WAKA (2019)
Benzz - Je M'appelle (2022)
Lady Ice - Up North (2022)

Since everybody's talkin' rappers & flutes...

Lord Sko - Pimp Socks
(From United Palace album; 2023)


Shout outs to Jimmy Z, funky flute is in this bitch! File Lord Sko under '90s moodboard New York zoomer rappers I never expected I'd enjoy a song by.' File the song itself under 'the best Kurious Jorge single since Best In The World.' As always, a choon is a choon no matter who it's by so fair play to the kid. Best unexpected jam since 3 Lokos by Coyote & Shaq IMHO.

Fly away to the danger zone

"And the cops are on my tail
Musta done a thousand rails
I'm gonna end up in jail
Tell 'em all I'll see you in Hell"

The Guy - Sorry Buddy
(From Sorry Buddy single; 2023)


Back in 2009 who'd have ever thunk that blogfather photographer The Arab Parrot would end up on the other side of the camera a decade later with acting roles in a Liam Hemsworth movie and various TV shows? His unlikely career pivot just got even weirder because him & his flock just dropped the best Squawk & Roll song of 2023. With Parrot playing the role of Frank B and his m8 the mountain lion kid on 1987 Izzy Stradlin-level songwriting duty, they've turned Bird Lieutenant's personal conduct into a universal choon by imagining what would happen if The Modern Lovers wrote a Mötley Crüe type-song for Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel. As Sam The Eagle probably said, the beak shall inherit the Earth.

Best thing I ever discovered on the old Arab Parrot blog? This fan-made video for Gucci Mane's I Move Chickens.

I'm on an Ego Trip, now ain't that kinda hip?

Freddie Foxxx - The Master
(From Freddie Foxxx Is Here album; 1989)


The New Style - Scuffin' Those Knees
(From Independent Leaders album; 1989)


Here we have the sole highlight of Freddie Foxxx's debut LP and the King Of The Beats-flipping bangeur ne plus by Naughty By Nature before they became Naughty By Nature. Two 1989 deep cut singles which rap hardcore and are hard to the core. They also share something else in common: both songs woulda been perfect inclusions on Ego Trip's The Big Playback compilation.

Thinking about it, 1989 was an excellent year for potential Ego Trip's The Big Playback-core: Atom by Main Source, What's More? by De La Soul, Your Arm's Too Short To Box With God by Lakim Shabazz, The Mack Of Rap by Markey Fresh, Dope On Plastic by Uptown, Axe Maniac by Unique, A Good Combination by Positive K, Let The Homocides Begin by Percee P & D-Nique, Freak The Funk (single mix) by Stezo, I'm The Peacemaker by Sir Ibu etc. If they were feelin' adventurous, they could even include Mac Dre's The Name by Mac Dre.

I know I'm not the only person who copped Ego Trip's The Big Playback on CD only to find out that K-Rob & Rammellzee's Beat Bop wasn't included because it was exclusive to the vinyl version. F**king fuming, m8.

Yuno My Steez (2023 edition)

Yuno Miles - Party All Night (video version)
(From YouTube; 2023)


On one hand, Yuno Miles is a shitposting meme creator masquerading as a rapper. On the other hand, once a year he accidentally manages to make an undeniable choon I can't front on. In 2021 it was Find My Legs, 2022 blessed me with Road To Riches, and now in 2023 there's Party All Night. The latter is some optimum feelgood Rap to dance the pain away to which sounds like DJ Fresh produced a track for Daft Punk or sumfink. At 1:27 in length it's obviously too short... and for that we should be thankful - the official version on DSPs is 2:35 and features verses from two of Miles' troll m8s who should never be allowed near microphones ever again. Thank Heavens for literal small mercies.

Martorialist's top tips: next time you're on a solo supermarket trip, put Party All Night on repeat in your headphones, and feel yourself float around those shopping aisles.

Tuesdays are Terrorable

"You see tears in my eyes? 'Cause I can't feel 'em
And my hoes get all my f*cks, I ain't got none to give 'em
But keep me posted and lemme know when it finally kill him
So I can buy some blunts, cut 'em open and fill 'em"

Mic Terror - Sippin' My Tea
(From No Lives Matter album; 2021/YouTube; 2023)


Belated video for one of the highlights of Mic Terror's last album. M.T spittin' some Zen #problematicist conscious Rap which begins with him metaphorically sippin' some earl grey tea and ends with him literally smokin' a pack celebrating the impending death of a terminally ill enemy. Damn, son - that's cold like them European countries Ill Bill and Vinnie Paz be touring. Now, can we get a video for OJ Simpson next plz?

Bonus beats: make like Positive K and step up front with Mic Terror & Gzus Piece's The Titty Song.

Born To Audiomack: Best of Nef The Pharaoh

~~> Best of Nef The Pharaoh <~~
1. M.A.C (2014)
2. Bitch, I'm From Vallejo (2014)
3. Blunt On Me (ft. Willie Joe & Cousin Fik) (2015)
4. Big Tymin' (2015)
5. Mobbin' (2015)
6. Come Pick Me Up (2015)
7. #Saydaat (ft. Philthy Rich) (2016)
8. Devil's Team (ft. Mozzy) (2016)
9. My Way freestyle (2017)
10. Bling Blaow (ft. Slimmy B) (2017)
11. Ball Out (ft. 03 Greedo & AllBlack) (2018)
12. Victim (ft. OMB Peezy) (2019)
13. South Vallejo (2019)
14. Beat That Vest Up (ft. ShooterGang Kony) (2019)
15. ABC (2020)
16. F*ck Yo Day Up (2020)
17. Cha Cha (2021)
18. I Make It Make Sense (2021)
19. Giggerz (2021)
20. 50 In The Chop (ft. Rydah J. Klyde) (2021)
21. Double Dragon (ft. Scando The Darklord) (2021)
22. Tattooed (2022)
23. Big Shit Talker (2022)
24. Prize (ft. Brill 4 The Thrill) (2022)
25. Old Enough (2022)
26. What Do You Like (2023)
27. Furley Goat (ft. LARussell) (2023)
28. Hello (2024)
29. Essence (2024)
30. Don't Stop (2024)


Nef The Pharaoh is a very inconsistent artist, but when he gets it right he's one of the more unique NorCal rappers of the last decade. Here at The Martorialist we call his sound Thizz Khalifa because he mixes early 2000s Mac Dre with early 2010s Wiz Khalifa. Here's a playlist of his best songs as according to ya host MT The Blogga Figga. Starting with when he first Mastered the Art of Communication in 2014 and ending with his two most recent Slap-Magnifico singles from 2023.

Opportunity Bootknocks

Gemini - Me N Da Girlz
(From Lords Of The Underground compilation; 2007)


One of my favourite British One Song Wonders™, it's North London's Gemini with the Grime equivalent of Devin The Dude's Mo Fa Me. Pounding the pavement in his khaki M-65 jacket, Gemini is the missing link between Travis Bickle and Peter Barlow, and the video uses comic strip graffix far more effectively than Walter Hill's silly "Ultimate Director's Cut" of The Warriors. A Channel U TV classic, Me N Da Girlz comes from a 2007 Grime compilation released by none other than U.K Streetsounds Electro supremo Morgan Khan who later went back to his roots in 2009 with a Nu-Electro compilation featuring an incredible Newcleus track. Dry-eared rando Grime connosiers insist that the music turnt to shit after 2006, but choonz like Me N Da Girlz and Tempa T's Next Hype obliterate 80% of supposed golden-era Grime songs from the early 2000s. Plus, the only legit choons Skepta has ever released were when he removed the stick from his arse and went full craven Grime-Pop in 2008 with Rolex Sweep and Too Many Men.

Related: anybody out there got an MP3 of London Underground by Million Dollar Dream? If so, give ya boy a ding dong.

Generic list post: October 2023

Urfavgrannie - Makin' It Out The Hood
(From YouTube; 2023)


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when White Dee raps now. She made it outta Benefit Street but can she make it outta the 'hood?

The 45 King ft. Champain - From The Hood (1997)
Brotha Lynch Hung - Rest In Piss (animated video) (1995/2023)
Nef The Pharaoh ft. LARussell - Furley Goat (2023)
Lil' Ricefield ft. Scando The Darklord & Nef The Pharaoh - Missy Elliot (2023)
Capolow - You Hear Me Now? (2023)
Slimeroni - Freak Like Me (2023)
CASisDEAD - Venom (2023)
Paul Hardcastle - Moving Sound (1988)

Other stuff: dropped two Quinary Of Quality playlists this month for the 45 King and Cousin Fik; we also talked Chinese whisper Rap rumours from the dayz of wayback.

Freaked Out Memphis Rapper

Slimeroni - Freak Like Me
(From Freak Like Me single; 2023)


Another find via Johnboxxx. Str8 outta the Kidd's House of Hitts, it's GloRilla's Chick Squad m8 Slimeroni. Homegirl hails from Memphis but Freak Like Me sounds like Cookiee Kawaii joined the So So Def Bass All-Stars. Soft focus booty-chatter Bass music which hits hard in yer external auditory canals. As the old saying goes - nowt particularly groundbreaking, just a song precision designed for rump-shaking.

Appalled to see a token bloke lurking in the background of this video. In much the same way movies like The Thing, 12 Angry Men, and Reservoir Dogs work best because they have no birds in them, music videos like GloRilla's FNF (Let's Go), Chick Squad's Shabooya, and Cookiee Kawaii's Relax Your Mind work best because they have no blokes in them. Ain't nothin' but a single sex parrrrrty! The Freak Like Me video here shoulda stuck to that script and that's word to Dyke & The Blazers.

Born To Audiomack: R.I.P 45 King Quinary Of Quality

R.I.P to the G.O.A.T of horn samples and the only Rap producer to ever make instrumental Hip-Hop records worth buying. New Jersey, hold ya hearts. If Lakim Shabazz sacrifices Joe Budden to a volcano can the world get Mark The 45 King back? True story: 45 King beats turn me into Jordans, I always keep my tongue out. Here's hoping EttelThun will come through with the ultimate 45 King obituary post complete with a playlist which takes in Mark's entire recording career from 1987 to the early 2000s. Until then, here's a Quinary Of Quality playlist of my top five 45 King deep cuts. We've got two B-sides from the late 1980s including an insane instrumental which nobody ever rhymed over, and three songs from his 1999 promo album featuring his artists Big Pooh & Lady Champain and the Kiiiiiiiid Capriiiiiiii. The King is now out there, but the Funk is forever here.

1. 45 King ft. Markey Fresh - The Freestyle (1988)
2. 45 King - Simply Dope Part 2 (1989)
3. 45 King ft. Big Pooh - Harlem Brothers (1999)
4. 45 King ft. Kid Capri & Big Pooh - Put The Funk Out There (1999)
5. 45 King ft. Big Pooh & Lady Champain - Drop Da Bomb (1999)

Good Morning, Cap'n (part 2)

Capolow - You Hear Me Now?
(From 96 album; 2023)


Another song I like by Capolow AKA Fetty Slap. Glitch in the matrix Oakland Ragers vybz on a song that's basically all refrain. Result: top 5 Martorialist approved NorCal slap of 2023 so far alongside Furley Goat by Nef The Pharoah & LARussell, Regular by P-Lo, Gone (remix) by Berner & The Jacka, and Him Burton by Lil' Ricefield.

Goin' SpongeBob on 'em... goin' Ninja Turtle on 'em

Brotha Lynch Hung - Rest In Piss (animated video)
(From Season Of Da Siccness album; 1995/YouTube; 2023)


Don'tcha feel blessed to live in the era when Brotha Lynch Hung can release an animated video for his greatest piece of 90s dog-whistle synth mobb music purely for the Hell of it? There was, of course, already a video for Rest In Piss released in 1995 as the main single from Season Of Da Siccness, but it's a slightly truncated video version which is 20 or so seconds shorter than the album version. Now we have an animated video for the full song and shit feels like it's saturday morning in this bitch. Goin' Danger Mouse on 'em... goin' Count Duckula on 'em... goin' VIZ magazine's Sid The Sexist VHS tape on 'em.

Obligatory annual post about some U.K Road-Rap song

CASisDEAD - Venom
(From Venom single; 2023)


CASisDEAD's M.O is that he's a Road-Rapper for UKHH blokes and basic bastards/bitches who'd never usually listen to Road-Rap. Thus, he's the perfect person to go full Gorillaz featuring Róisín Murphy Road-Pop on Venom. A terrible idea in theory compounded by the Bomfunk MC's sounding-arse intro, but a top choon in reality. An unlikely triumph of songwriting execution, and the best British Rap song about baby-mum drama since Sway's Baby Father.

Rap & BULLSHIT

Today's topic: Rap rumours from the pre-internet dayz of wayback with some urban myths which Chinese whispered their way across the Atlantic ocean to suburban England. It later transpired they were all fabrication not 1 fact, but a lot of them seemed plausible at the time. Truth be told, a handful of these duck tales may have been invented by my teenage m8 Butty Bate - a serial liabetic Billy Bullshitter who went on to do a stretch in prison for insurance fraud.

* LL Cool J lost his hair when he was a kid due to a perm which went disasterously wrong.

* Slick Rick lost his eye due to a nasty infection which was caused by a pigeon shitting on him.

* Dana Dane was Slick Rick's twin brother.

* Ice-T & Darlene released a p0rn movie sometime in the late 1980s.

* Shock G and Humpty Hump were 2 different rappers.

* MC Hammer's touted dance battle with Michael Jackson actually happened behind closed doors and Hammer won.

* 2Pac was the dancing black lad in the video for Jane's Addiction's Been Caught Stealing.

* Cypress Hill's B-Real was related to Mike Muir from Suicidal Tendencies and both groups were all members of the same L.A gang.

* The lass who gets drenched in booze in the Nuthin' But A "G" Thang video was Julie Carmen.

* Eazy-E caught HIV off Tairrie B/Eazy-E was injected with HIV by one of Suge Knight's goons.

* KMD were in an episode of Parker Lewis Can't Lose.

* Zev Luv X ended up in Bellevue mental hospital after Subroc died and KMD were dropped by Elektra Records.

* Pete Rock & CL Smooth split up because CL had set up a carwash franchise which was far more financially rewarding.

* Freddie Foxxx sodomised one of Benzino's crew with a baseball bat.

* Before Wu-Tang blew up, ODB was a legit homeless bum who lived in an abandoned subway tunnel under Staten Island.

* Kool Keith was gonna make a p0rn movie companion to his Sex Style album starring himself and the p0rn0 actress on the album's front cover.

* Lil' Kim offered her fans blowjobs for money at a concert and swallowed so much jizz she had to go to hospital to get her stomach pumped.

* 2Pac faked his own death, hid out for months, and then killed Biggie on March 9th 1997.

* James Murdoch released a Rap 12" single on Rawkus Records.

* 50 Cent got shot up by some Staten Island goons in retaliation for dissing Wu-Tang on How To Rob.

Thizz Khalifa Part 707 (Reprise)

Nef The Pharoah ft. LARussell- Furley Goat
(From Furley Goat single; 2023)


And just like that, the Nef The Pharaoh song I've been waitin' on for months appears like the genie of the lamp.

J-Diggs may have popularised the concept of What Would Dre Say, but Nef The Pharoah hit the idea first a couple of months earlier with M.A.C. Nef's caught the Furley Ghost again here and pulled it off without eatin' up Dre's steez like Pacman dots. The closest thing to Ronald Dregan, no debatin'. I pray no exorcism-experts turn up on Rapper's Island because Furley Goat sounds like a new Nef The Pharoah song and an old Mac Dre song at the SAME DAMN TIME!

Tired: Bay Area mobb music
Wired: Bay Area moped music

Wassup, Jasmine?

Lil' Ricefield ft. Scando The Darklord & Nef The Pharaoh - Missy Elliot
(From Eat Rice Dummy album; 2023)


More "what would Dre say on some shit like this?"-core from Lil' Ricefield. Bay Area Bon mots about punk rock thots called Alice. Something you should know: ya boi is using this as a warm-up to Nef & LARussell's Furley GOAT jam I've been waitin' on for months.

Born To Audiomack: Cousin Fik Quinary Of Quality

Fellow #MicTerrorHive member JMil swerved by my comment section to link a 2018 Cousin Fik & DJ Fresh loosie he claimed is Fik's best song since Bay Area 51. I agree it's a slap, but I disagree that Fik didn't drop slaps that are saucy like Prego in the intervening years. Lest we forget these Cousin classiks from the Sick Wid It gene pool industrial slapper complex.

1. Cousin Fik - Knocka N*gga Down (2012)
2. Cousin Fik ft. DB Tha General - Sickest N*gga Healthy (2012)
3. Cousin Fik - An I Pull Heauxs (2014)
4. Cousin Fik ft. E-40 - Go Ape (2014)
5. 22nd Letter - Blunt On Me (2015)


Alas, ya boi couldn't include my #actual favourite Cousin Fik song No Gravity on here because it comes from the same tape as Bay Area 51. In the Sic Wid It pantheon, No Gravity is It's Goin' Down for the Thizzler.com age. A personal classic from the blog-era that's a whole 'nother type of Cloud-Rap.

Generic list post: September 2023

Paul Hardcastle - King Tut
(From Paul Hardcastle album; 1985)


Obligatory wrap-up post of those songs I've played most during the month when muggins here found out that Paul Hardcastle has Legit Choonz™ other than Rainforest, 19 and The Wizard. I was in it to win it, but general consensus fronted and said "sorry, Marty, he's a Bob James type 3 song wonder."

Andre Nickatina - Awake Like An Owl (2000)
Poe Whosaine - You Bad If You Thought Different (2022)
Sexyy Red - Shake Yo Dreads (2023)
TREE - I Usually Say How I Feel (2023)
Mic Terror ft. Gzus Piece - The Titty Song (2023)
Coyote ft. Shaquille O'Neal - 3 Lokos (2023)
Homeboy Sandman - Then We Broke Up (video) (2023)
Paul Hardcastle - Central Park (1985)
Mall Grab & Real Lies - End Credits (2023)

Other notables: I made a playlist of some deep cuts by some of my favourite rappers.

Thnks fr th Mmrs (no Fall Out Boy)

Mic Terror ft. Gzus Piece - The Titty Song
(From The Titty Song single; 2023)


Mic Terror and Gzus Piece have dropped so many songs in 2023 it's difficult to keep abreast of their output. For real, bra - it's tough to focus on two things at once. To misquote Kool G. Rap, The Titty Song is a jugs love story. Mic & Gzus went from the bounce of Thot Boiz to the bump of Tity Boiz with this legit speaker knockerz of a track. Only youz Homeboy Sandbags type lads could front on this one. No shotz, but I need to get summat off my chest: the Rap industry is a buncha suckas because they've boobed big style for not supporting The Titty Song and helping it blow up. Remix coming soon featuring Ganksta N-I-P-S and Milk DD.

**EDIT** damn, the video got hit with an age restriction flag and you can only you can only watch it on YouTube now. An actual tragedy because it's the only Rap video of 2023 which I'd call a work of art.

Smoke Some Kill

Mic Terror - BLDYMRDA
(From BLDYMRDA single; 2023)


File this under 'songs which are one long hook.' Some Bone Thugs-N-Mic T type shit I'm jamming in the hope its frequency will power up Krayzie Bone. Nowadays everybody always fronts like they became instant Bone fans the first time they heard Thuggish Ruggish Bone. Me, I was unconvinced until MTV started playing Foe Tha Love Of $, and then it was on like Donkey Kong and I copped Creepin' On Ah Come Up like it was T.I.'s 4th best single.

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony ft. Eazy-E - Foe Tha Love Of $
(From Creepin' On Ah Come Up EP; 1994)

Da Head Banger

Sexyy Red - Shake Yo Dreads
(From Shake Yo Dreads single; 2023)


Gangsta Boo didn't die, her spirit just moved into Sexyy Red. Her coochie Britney, her bootyhole Whitney, this song wild like Bobby. Red got Katie flow by the gallon, bitch just took over the lane which belongs to Duke D.

Wanted dead or alive: dirty Tattoo

"A big butt freak with a butterfly wing on each butt cheek to cover her behind
When she pull her Prada pants down to pop that thing it look like the butterfly be flyin'"

Twista ft. Legit Ballaz - Tattoo (remix)
(From Tattoo (remix) single; 2002)


Anybody got an unedited MP3 of the Tattoo (remix) by Twista & Legit Ballaz? A dirty version exists because I've got it on 12", but I still don't know how to rip records to MP3. This song really should have been on Kamikaze because it's one of Twista's best singles of the noughties. Twista earned the Vividest Author™ of 2002 award with those lyrics quoted up top, huh? Champagne booty-chatter, exquisite freaky tales: words that'll paint a pretty picture in your mind's third eye and turn your penis into a third leg.

PS: also looking for an MP3 of the extended remix of Timbaland & Magoo's Clock Strikes with Mad Skillz. That's another song I can't find anywhere on the internet which only exists on the 12" (I think?)

Born To Audiomack: lesser-celebrated faves by Martorialist faves

A caveat: lemme cook even tho youse lot probably know these songs and I've posted most of them in the past. Basically, ya boy wanted to spread love to some songs I absolutely love by some of my favourite rappers which well-meaning middlebrow Rap fans will be oblivious to.

1. Spoonie Gee - Spoonie Gee (1987)
2. Mac Dre - Mac Dre's The Name (1989)
3. Devin The Dude - Yo' Ho (2002)
4. Dru Down - Gangstafied (2002)
5. TREE - The 3rd Floor (2010)
6. Gucci Mane - Ring The Alarm (2013)
7. Max B - Phenomenon (2020)
8. Nef The Pharoah - What Do You Like (2023)



1. One of the handful of tracks Spoonie Gee & Marley Marl recorded together. Some seats-pushed-back Rap for 1987 Audi coupes AND 1987 Skoda hoopes. The first Rap song to use the Ohio Players sample later made famous by Mary J. Blige & Grand Puba's What's The 411?.

2. Of course every Mac Dre maven knows and loves Mac Dre's The Name. But because it's never appeared on any of his albums and never made it to DSPs the song has been overlooked by everyone else. We can't have that because that Vaughan Mason sample is the reason why it's the one Mac Dre song every boomer-bap dinosaur can't front on.

3. A true Kazaa klassic: the Dr. Dre track from the advance version of Devin The Dude's second album which vanished from the retail version. **DJ Kay Slay voice** ONLY DEVIN COULDA DONE SMUT LIKE THIS, YO!!!

4. The best song Dru Down recorded in the 2000s: some Slapp & Roger-core which Suga Free coulda/shoulda guested on.

5. It's a pity most folks TREE fandom begins with Sunday School because his earlier releases are stuffed with gems. Take The 3rd Floor here which is both my personal highlight of TREE's first LP and the birth of his Soul-Trap sound.

6. The last Gucci Mane song I truly loved: one of the final and finest examples of tubby wildman Gucci, taken from a peak Livemixtapes-era Zayyoten compilation. True story: Gucci's Ric Flair "WOOOOO"s on this body every wrestling reference by Action Bronson and all those charmless Griselda nerks.

7. I'd pretty much given up on Max B's new music after his awful Wave Gods and House Money tapes. And then he reconnected with Dame Grease for this song tucked away on his best of Wave Pack album and Biggavelz was back like he left his car keys. Max mania like it's 2009 all over again.

8. A good example of a nostalgia-bait beatjack which I prefer to the song it begets: Nef The Pharoah's blappification of Da Brat & Tyrese's What'Chu Like. Also a good example of how the Kid Cuddy Nef is an old soul in a new Rapper's body.

My Mind Spray 12

You know how Doja Cat is a big Homeboy Sandman fan? Is it possible that Paint The Town Red was inspired by Sandman's beatjack of Dilla's Walkinonit? If so, she should go a step further and flip Sandman's Waiting On My Girl next but record it from the perspective of the girl making the guy wait.

Do you think rappers regretted giving some of their best songs to movie soundtracks rather than keeping them for their own albums? Specifically thinking of songs like Big Daddy Kane's Nuff Respect; Grand Puba's Fat Rat; Pete Rock & CL Smooth's One In A Million; Digable Planets' Little Renee; Biggie's Party & Bullshit; Tha Dogg Pound's What Would U Do? and Just Doggin'; Mobb Deep & Rakim's Hoodlum; and Slick Rick's I Sparkle.

From Definition Of A Thug N*gga to Never Had A Friend Like Me, 2Pac also gave a handful of his best songs to movie soundtracks. But he came across as a rapper who relished spreading his legit jams far and wide.

Some songs rappers probably didn't regret giving to movie soundtracks: Ice-T's Colors, UGK's Pocket Full of Stones (Pimp C Remix) and OutKast's Benz Or Beamer. Why? Because those songs were their introductions to an (inter)national audience innit. Certainly, those songs were my introductions to Ice-T, UGK and OutKast.

Hijack's Godawful new single proves my long-held theory that you can't spell UK Hip-Hop without UKIP.

So whatcha 'saine?

"Runnin' n*gga you ain't never been no boss
Talkin' real reckless when we know you soft
Boy, you a lame dude, shit knock off
And never pop out when the shit pop off"

Poe Whosaine - You Bad If You Thought Different
(From A1 Gone Sell Itself album; 2022/YouTube; 2023)


Another good random find: this is like Calvin-T's long-lost brother from Detroit or Sada Baby's funky-uncle from Oakland. Beat on this is so boingy you can bounce on it like a trampoline. All things considered, this shit deserves a place in my canon of favourite non-2023 Rap songs I've discovered in 2023. Dial M for Martorialist if you feel me, ya hear me?

Fab Five Freddy - Sucker M.C's freestyle (1983)
MC Lyte - I Cram To Understand U 1990 (DJ DOC remix) (1990)
Tung Twista - Back 2 School (1992)
Children Of The Corn - Fair One Part 2 (1994)
Big Pokey - Hardest Pit (1999)
Drama - Big Ball (2001)
Dizzee Rascal - Street Fighter (CDQ) (2002/2023)
Big Scoob ft. Celph Titled - Floss Filthy (2003)
Day Day Sustaaa - B.A.N.P (2022)
Lebra Jolie - What Kinda (2022)

2-3 Break

"We would get lost together
Floss together
Watch The Office
Smell each other’s armpits
Share each other’s art
Share each other’s hearts
Smell each other’s farts
THEN WE BROKE UP!!!"

Homeboy Sandman - Then We Broke Up
(From Rich album; 2023)


It wasn't the end of the world, just the end of him & a girl. A break-up song you can breakdance to: live out your Rock Steady fantasies to this shit even if you're no longer going steady. Homeboy Sandman has become insufferably puritanical in 2023, but he's still capable of amusing Reality-Rap for lovers between that awkward age of 17 and 70. In the Sandman relationship song canon, Then We Broke Up is the delayed acceptance stage following the immediate aftershock of Alone Again. Some relationships just come and go, and that's just how it go. Couples split up everyday, b - you tuff, you be aiiight.

Woo-Hah Tribe

"They think I'm on the brink of my insanity
If he aint spittin' like this for the money then what can it be?
Momma managed me, Papa was in the military
I come from The Bricks where the only option is just the cemetery
I get in the mix opposite of Ben & Jerry's"

Coyote ft. Shaquille O'Neal - 3 Lokos
(From 3 Lokos single; 2023)


If Z-Ro's recent single with Shaquille O'Neal wasn't a big enough surprise then howzabout this: Pro Club clobber-sponsored cholo hard-rock Rap featuring Shaq. Flabbergasted that Siccness.net haven't posted this because it's the most Siccness.net song of all time. LMFAO @ 3:34 where Shaq asks for a high five and one of the Coyote blokes awkwardly slaps Shaq's wrist because he can't reach Shaq's hand. Poor fella left lookin' and feelin' like Skee-Lo in his own damn video.

Life's A Beech

"I peep shit, I beep shit, this Rap shit that weak shit
My kids they don't need shit
My broad she a vegan on the ocean with the pole and what we catch she don't eat shit"

TREE - I Usually Say How I Feel
(From FREE TREE album; 2023)


Mentioned this song a while back but it really deserves a proper post dunnit? I Usually Say How I Feel is what happens when TREE grabs the crispest snare from his sample kit and reimagines some 1996 Busta Rhymes type shit in the Soul-Trap stylee. A good example of why TREE is less a Rap moniker and more a Rap modus operandi: Milk T's music stays rooted in the past but keeps branching out in subtle new directions. Or sumfink lol. 2nd best song on FREE TREE after 10 Mac 11's IMHO.