Wednesday, 26 August 2015

I was on the roads when Madonna made Crazy For You

There I was snuggled up to read Pitchfork's best 200 songs of the 80s list when inspiration struck: wouldn't it be way more fun to inflict my taste on the internet with a vanity list of my own favourite 80s singles than sift through a glorified advert for Apple full of blurbs by corny indie fux like Ian Cohen? Look, I don't rate that boy, bare wasteman, bare pagan boy, I'll come to your publication and I'll fuck shit up - I'm Alexis Petridis when he single-handedly sank Select magazine.

Got a couple of codes and lines to obey on this post: one song per artist and nothing by serial-pederast Michael Jackson. Say what you want about South Park Mexican, but at least he didn't bum a pre-teen Corey Feldman and then pay him off to keep schtum.

Favourite rap singles of the 80s:

Spoonie Gee - Love Rap (1980)
Treacherous Three - The Body Rock (1980)
Blondie - Rapture (1980)
Melle Mel & Duke Bootee - The Message (1982)
Trouble Funk - Pump Me Up (1982)
The Fearless Four - Rockin' It (1982)
Jimmy Spicer - Money (Dollar Bill Y'all) (1983)
Davy DMX - One For The Treble (1983)
Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde - Gettin' Money (1983)
Jonzun Crew - Space Is The Place (1983)
Rammellzee vs. K-Rob - Beat Bop (1983)
Newcleus - Jam On It (1984)
Herbie Hancock ft. Grand Mixer D.ST - Rockit (1984)
World's Famous Supreme Team - Hey D.J (1984)
Cold Crush Brothers - Fresh, Fly, Wild, And Bold (1984)
Schoolly D - Saturday Night (1986)
Egyptian Lover - Freak-A-Holic (1986)
Roxanne Shanté ft. Biz Markie - The Def Fresh Crew (1986)
2 Live Crew - We Want Some Pussy (1986)
Salt-N-Pepa - Push It (1986)
Just Ice - Cold Gettin' Dumb (1987)
Eazy-E - The Boyz-N-The Hood (1987)
Cool C - Juice Crew Dis (1987)
LL Cool J - Go Cut Creator Go (1987)
Slick Rick - Children's Story (1988)
Too $hort - City Of Dope (1988)
Eric B. & Rakim - Follow The Leader (1988)
Ice-T - High Rollers (1988)
M.C La Kim aka Lakim Shabazz - We Got The Funk (1988)
EPMD - You Gots To Chill (1988)
N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton (1988)
Public Enemy - Black Steel In The Hour Of Chaos (1988)
MC Lyte - Paper Thin (1988)
The 45 King - The 900 Number (1989)
Tone Loc - Wild Thing (1989)
Nice & Smooth - Early To Rise (1989)
Kool G Rap & DJ Polo - Road To The Riches (1989)
Mac Dre - Young Black Brotha (1989)
De La Soul ft. Native Tongues - Buddy (1989)
Beastie Boys - Hey Ladies (1989)

Favourite non-rap singles of the 80s:

Motorhead - Ace Of Spades (1980)
Mavis John - Use My Body (1980)
Roger Troutman - So Ruff So Tuff (1980)
Siouxsie & The Banshees - Happy House (1980)
Vanity 6 - Nasty Girl (1982)
Musical Youth - Pass The Dutchie (1982)
ABC - Poison Arrow (1982)
Patrice Rushen - Forget Me Nots (1982)
Bananarama & Fun Boy Three - Really Sayin' Somethin' (1982)
ESG - Dance (1982)
Blancmange - Living On The Ceiling (1982)
Cybotron - Clear (1983)
The RAH Band - Messages From The Stars (1983)
Yes - Owner Of A Lonely Heart (1983)
Suicidal Tendencies - Institutionalized (1983)
Prince & The Revolution - When Doves Cry (1984)
Harold Faltermeyer - Axel F (1984)
Black Flag - Slip It In (1984)
Philip Bailey & Phil Collins - Easy Lover (1984)
Nu Shooz - I Can't Wait (1984)
Dennis Edwards ft. Siedah Garrett - Don't Look Any Further (1984)
Madonna - Into The Groove (1985)
Robert Tepper - No Easy Way Out (1985)
Cherelle ft. Alexander O'Neal - Saturday Love (1985)
Dead Or Alive - You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) (1985)
Virgo - Free Yourself (1986)
Peter Gabriel - Big Time (1986)
Janet Jackson - What Have You Done For Me Lately (1986)
Cameo - Candy (1986)
Tim Capello - I Still Believe (1987)
Frankie Knuckles ft. Jamie Principle - Baby Wants To Ride (1987)
Bomb Da Bass - Beat Dis (1987)
Terence Trent D'Arby - Sign Your Name (1987)
Guns N' Roses - It's So Easy (1987)
Bobby Brown - My Perogative (1988)
Danzig - Twist Of Cain (1988)
The Reynolds Girls - I'd Rather Jack (1989)
Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus (1989)
Soul II Soul - Back to Life (However Do You Want Me) (1989)
808 State - Pacific (1989)

Favourite B-sides of the 80s which should have been A-sides:

Billy Joel - Careless Talk (1983)
Run D.M.C - Sucker MC's (1983)
Whodini - Five Minutes Of Funk (1984)
Doug E. Fresh & MC Ricky D - La Di Da Di (1985)
Mr. Fingers - Can You Feel It? (1986)
Phuture - Your Only Friend (1987)
Audio Two - Top Billin' (1987)
Ultramagnetic MC's - Kool Keith Housing Things (1988)
Positive K ft. King Of Chill - Step Up Front (3 Heineken Technique) (1988)
Jungle Brothers - J. Beez Comin' Through (Bonus Beats) (1989)

Favourite album cuts of the 80s which should have been singles:

Kraftwerk - It's More Fun To Compute (1981)
Bad Brains - I (1982)
Sade - Cherry Pie (1984)
Boogie Down Productions - Remix For P Is Free (1987)
Big Daddy Kane ft. Biz Markie - Just Rhymin' With Biz (1988)
Stezo - Girl Trouble (1989)
3rd Bass - Monte Hall (1989)
Ghetto Boys - Gangster Of Love (1989)
Tuff Crew - Behold The Detonator (1989)
Special Ed - Taxing (1989)


Gary said...

There's a ton of Smiths songs in the P4K list so you'll probably hate it.

James said...

Lmao @ Rapture being in the hip hop list.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Actual facts: Rammellzee bit his whole rap style from Debbie Harry's verse on Rapture.

SE said...

Bold claim from the "Damaged" entry: "Whether or not you preferred Rollins among the band’s multitude of vocalists, you have to admit he was intense"

The Pitchfork list is pretty good overall, if a little orthodox with the rap picks. I gotta give em credit for remedying their past as a ghetto of corny indie fucks.

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

I only looked at the first page of the P4K thing and, tbf, they had I Cry (Night After Night) by Egyptian Lover on there.

YOU CRAZY said...


NOTHING BY TEARS FOR FEARS!?! Mothers Talk being my personnal favourite.

hotbox said...

"You Dropped A Bomb On Me" - The Gap Band
"Cutie Pie" - One Way
"I Didn't Mean To Turn You On" - Cherelle

I haven't finished going through the p4k list yet but my mom just called and said if there's no reo speedwagon or richard marx she's cancelling her subscription

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Planet Rock is barely a top 5 electro Jam, imho.

Anonymous said...

Solid list. Even the AOR selections aren't the sort that'd make me ram kebab skewers through my eardrums.

One question, though; why take a moral position on the inclusion of (alleged) nonces, but not (alleged and/or convicted) killers? Asking mainly out of curiosity.

noah said...

Is there a hero out there who will zip the rap list?

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

Anon - because it allows me to make do a Corey Feldman joke.

T'Pow said...

No Renee and Renato?

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

The great glaring omission on the romantic tip is Suddenly by Angry Anderson (aka the song Kylie Minogue & Jason Donovan got married to on Neighbours.)

N.Brown said...

Good call on It's So Easy. The only GnR song I like but I do really like it. Chose some good house records too. Din Daa Da should be on there and Say I'm Your Number One by Princess. No Mantronix?

Kelvin Mack10zie said...

It was a toss up between Hardcore Hip Hop and Cold Gettin' Dumb - I went for the latter.

Was considering King Of The Beats as the token instrumental banger in the B-sides list but J Beez Comin Through (Bonus Beats) is the better song, imo.

d said...

Bassline>>> Hardcore Hip Hop. this could be down to rolling through Vice City on my Faggio listening to Mr Magic though

MC Tees an underrated rapper imo, moreso on the first two albums, "make sweet love and bite off your titty" is a legacy making bar imo

d said...

And Cold Gettin Dumbs the right choice, Mantronix best work imo. Just Ice is even more undeservedly underrated too. like he was a monster