Friday, 1 June 2012

Just sayin', bruv # 3

Five days to work, an extended Jubilee bank holiday weekend to play, c'mon everybody drop those unpopular opinions today :

There isn't a more abominable Rap album than The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill, and the only Fugees song future generations will remember with any fondness is It Doesn't Matter by Wyclef Jean & The Rock, mainly for The Rock's contributions.

Dilla really did change our lives when he managed to ruin three of the great eccentric groups of the early nineties in the space of a year with his pedestrian clip-cloppy production for De La, Tribe and The Pharcyde.

Nothing good has ever emerged from El-P worming his way into black ppl Rappers' affections or studios, and, yes, that includes R.A.P Music.

A-Mafia's belly laugh after he proudly proclaims "I ain't never had a job in my life, man" on the intro of Crime Pays is precisely 10000 times more entertaining than anything Cam'Ron dropped in his unreleased-song-a-day campaign last month.

If the internet has revealed anything about our Rap-writer forefathers, it's that a toadying blowhard like Elliot Wilson simply can't have been responsible for any of the good bits in Ego Trip.

Since Nas is now the Rapping version of the weed-addled twit he's always appeared to be in his interviews, the only chance his new Life Is Good album has of being worth a listen is if we're treated to the return of Nas the gloriously offkey R&B singer who blazed shit like a young Luther on the hooks of Gimme Yours and Street Dreams.

Kirko Bangz's Autotuned ode to sexual harassment What Yo Name Iz makes Future's critically acclaimed Pluto album sound like the creepy ramblings of a PUA-inspired Canadian friend of Mindbender Futurama.

Busy Bee may have lost the famed battle against Kool Moe Dee, but he eventually won the war by managing to make a good song on Sugar Hill Records with Making Cash Money when the Treacherous Three proved themselves to be utterly useless as recording artists after they left Enjoy Records, and then went on to rub salt in the wounds by dropping a golden-era classic in Suicide as Moe Dee was getting his ass handed to him by LL Cool J and responding by recording dis tracks over the mediocre Teddy Riley beats Spoonie Gee rejected.

Hairy Asshole by UGK with Webbie & Boosie is the only true feminist anthem of the last five years since it rejects the pornized ideal that women have to wax every follicle of hair from their bodies to appear attractive to the opposite sex.

It seems unfair to level accusations that American Rap criticism is an all boys club when Rapper groupies are employed by major media outlets, and The Fader's female editor insists two of the more charismatic bloggers pen bland missives which read like they've been writen by a Rap Radar intern.

12 comments:

The CritIQ said...

"Dilla really did change our lives when he managed to ruin three of the great eccentric groups of the early nineties in the space of a year...." SPOT ON! Could not agree more.

Anonymous said...

I wouldnt mind someone bringing back The Score beat, though.

Diamond D is too nice.

The Doors-sample that The Jacka and Cormega should have used on The Storm...

step one said...

Saturday morning chuuch.

I always thought Street Dreams and the remixes (and most of It Was Written actually) was a bit rubbish though.

done said...

I'm normally fully on board with these posts man but no love for Terius Cutta Calhoun earns this one a disclaimer. That Kirko Bangz is the shit though.

Making Cash Money is grown man rap.

Bogota Bog said...

THANK YOU!

I have sat in front of a room full of highly educated politically active Norwegian middle class feminists telling them how much I HATE Lauryn Hill...

Richard Tre Mane said...

There's a couple of aiight tunes on the Future, but the hype on that album is pretty ridiculous since there's nothing that's close to fuckin' with What Yo Name Iz or Zan With That Lean 2.

Thomas said...

That UGK song is insane. I very much agree with their sentiment though lol.

James said...

Yeah!

Young Romney said...

The Fader has an editor?

Anonymous said...

Cormega usually names Lauryn Hill as one of his fav rappers. One of the few Times that he loses me COMPLETELY. Yeah, she sings well, but come on...

BTW: pumping that Max Milleni tape now, shit is jamming - another classic.

Richard Tre Mane said...

Thanks.

David said...

ha. if the missives are bland its probably my fault x the nature of daily blogging

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